Women Helping Women Who Are Promiscuous and Naïve

If she is a virgin, like a wall, we will protect her with a silver tower.

But if she is promiscuous, like a swinging door, we will block her door with a cedar bar.

— Song of Solomon 8:9 NLT
Who knows why she does what she does?  Who takes the time to understand her?  Author: Seedfeeder
Who knows why she does what she does? Who takes the time to understand her? Author: Seedfeeder | Source

It is appropriate for a woman or a trustworthy couple (not a single man) to help another woman understand and improve her moral conduct. So this article is primarily about women helping women understand the concept of true (positive) womanhood.

We see promiscuous women everywhere—women who don’t seem to have a clue about the consequence of their immoral act. Sometimes they seem intentionally irresponsible.

Five middle-aged mothers, though not cited as promiscuous women, appeared on an Oprah Winfrey Show (2009) as victims of their own naivety. They had all succumbed to the winsome charm of the same man who had not married any of them, but had infected some of them with the HIV virus.

Those of us outside these situations are tempted to ask in disgust, “When will they ever learn?” We find it easy to judge and condemn them. We should be more concerned with understanding them, in an effort to help them improve their lives, and uplift the standards of true womanhood.


Why Women are Promiscuous

Promiscuity Differs by Gender is the title of a WebMD article which states men and women differ in their reasons for promiscuity.

  • While promiscuous men focus on large numbers of partners, promiscuous women prefer quality to quantity.
  • Women look for facial features that are distinctly masculine.
  • Social positions matter to them.
  • They desire more of a relationship with their partners than promiscuous men do.

The women's reasons for cheating include their needs for emotional fulfillment, increase in self-esteem and romance (2012 Adultery Survey). Their deep-seated social needs manifest themselves in:

  • Their search for the affirmation and attachment they lost when their fathers left by death or divorce.
  • Frequent changing of partners as a way to retaliate for some kind of abuse dealt to them by a male figure.
  • Their belief that temporary, meaningless one-night stands are the only opportunities for physical closeness that life will ever offer them.

What these women need are defenders, not trial lawyers and judges. The following four steps will help us achieve an empowering sisterhood.


Think About It

Do you know a promiscuous woman who may benefit from your friendship?

See results without voting

(1) Accept Her

Personal reflection on the following questions can prepare us to help the promiscuous woman.

  • Can I love her simply because she is a woman whom God made?
  • Do I think that she deserves the same access that I have to the love and grace of our Heavenly Father?
  • Am I unconcerned about what my relationship with her will do to my reputation?

An honest “Yes” to all these questions is a good start.

Whenever we find it difficult to love someone, it is because selfishness and prejudice tell us that the person does not deserve our love. When we learn to love the allegedly undeserving woman, we open our minds to see her as God sees her—a child of His, a woman designed for a special purpose, a sister worthy of our embrace.

If the promiscuous woman pretends to reject our love at first, it only means that we have not yet earned her trust.


If she is a wall, we will decorate her.  Photo by David Castor
If she is a wall, we will decorate her. Photo by David Castor | Source

(2) Help Her Build Self-Confidence

Every woman has strengths. There must be a way to boost the promiscuous woman’s self-worth and make her feel like a valuable part of our sisterhood. Let’s talk with her, walk with her, solicit her help and offer our help to learn whatever we can about her.

As we begin to learn who she really is, and what her talents are, we will provide opportunities for her to contribute in the area(s) where she is gifted. We will showcase her assets that are strong (like a wall).

  • Compliment her shape and suggest appropriate fashion styles for her body type.
  • Compliment her voice and assign her something beautiful to read or sing.
  • Compliment her memory of Bible verses and teach her how to make personal applications.

We will recognize her personal growth and ours, resulting from our sister acts together.

Meanwhile, we will overlook most of her mistakes with a smiling, “Remind me to tell you something about that, later.” We will practice patience and tolerance and work on creating an atmosphere which will facilitate her asking questions.


We will seclude her while we instill some womanhood principles.  Photo by Hubertl
We will seclude her while we instill some womanhood principles. Photo by Hubertl | Source

(3) Share Our Struggles and Victories

Stories are a great teaching tool. It would be helpful for the rest of us to share about the battles we fought and the temptations we overcame.

Ask her permission to help her deal with the repercussions of her past. We should be careful to guard against any suggestion that we are better or stronger than she is, or that she detoured farther than we did.

A promiscuous woman is like a door, swinging out, allowing one man to make his exit, and immediately swinging in again when she finds somebody new. We want to repair that door to an appropriate open-shut action, and will install scented panels of love, compassion, and understanding.

We will ask questions rather than make prejudiced statements. For example, “Do you know what made you give in?” will be friendlier than, “You should never give in.” Her answer will give her an opportunity to express her regret and allow us to lead her toward repentance and forgiveness--forgiveness from God and from us, meaning that we will not dangle her mistakes over her head in the future.

The counsel to confess our faults is followed immediately by the counsel to pray for one another that we might be healed and restored. (James 5:16). It leaves no space for gossip or consultations for second and third opinions. We will only share her problem if necessary, with her permission, in our effort to get help which we are incapable of providing.


We will walk (literally and spiritually) and talk with her.  Photo by Marek Lenik
We will walk (literally and spiritually) and talk with her. Photo by Marek Lenik | Source

(4) Walk with Her

We all want to be strong for the promiscuous woman, but we do not want to give the impression that our strength is above her reach. We want her to know that we are striving together as we walk together.

  • We will support and encourage each other in two-way communications--talking and listening.
  • We will establish a system of accountability which allows us to question one another about how and why we do what we do: what we read, what media programs we follow, what happens in our premarital relationships, what boundaries we set, and how we stay focused on our purpose.
  • We will treat her like a sister, embracing her selflessly and loving her unconditionally.
  • We will help her create a vision of the joyful, satisfied, responsible women she can become.
  • We will commit to walking beside her as she continues her journey to healthy womanhood.

Our continual, committed friendship will help to provide the emotional and social satisfaction she craves from her promiscuous interaction with the men. She will learn that physical satisfaction is an anticipated pleasure which is worth the wait. Meanwhile she will come to realize that she is much more than just body.


© 2012 Dora Isaac Weithers

More by this Author


Comments 46 comments

Treasuresofheaven profile image

Treasuresofheaven 4 years ago from Michigan

Very good article, well thought out. This is very helpful - women supporting each other is much needed in our society. VOTE Up and Useful!


Dee aka Nonna profile image

Dee aka Nonna 4 years ago

Ms Dora, let me begin by stating that I love the way you continue, throughout your hub, on building the women to a place of honor. I love your term "positive womanhood". I do not like the term "promiscuous woman". I understand its use but the men who do the same thing and who very often lure these women are not saddled with that label. But, once a woman is label she is always labeled. Again, I love the way to carried it through and hopefully those who choose to help will do it so lovingly that the label will fall away.


manatita44 profile image

manatita44 4 years ago from london

A very caring and humane approach. Loving advice. Full of empathy.


Escobana profile image

Escobana 4 years ago from Valencia

"She will learn that physical satisfaction is an anticipated pleasure which is worth the wait."

Hi MsDora,

I am intrigued by one of your last sentences and found your Hub very interesting. I behaved like a promiscuous woman for many reasons.

When I was younger out of extra curiosity for sex in general. I liked it but I didn't know what I was doing. I enjoyed it but I felt insecure at that age.

When I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, Manic Hypersexuality and being promiscuous appeared to be a common lethal combination of Bipolar Behaviour amongst women.

When I healed from all the trauma's inflicted on me by Bipolar Disorder, I finally started to behave promiscuous because I enjoyed the wonders en pleasures of sex with different men.

It was a conscious choice, I didn't care about opinions and prejudice and calmed down after some years of experimenting. I had no friend in guiding me towards another path.

Now I'm in a loving and serious relationship with a man who experimented much when he was single. To this day I don't regret my last years as a single woman, hunting for men, enjoying the wonders of superficial sexual contacts, giving me the ultimate chance to understand my own body, senses and mind.

I can even state that the sexual relationship with my current loving partner, intensified to a deeper level of joy and a higher level of quality, because I found out what I really liked and what I will never do again.

Coming back to the end of your Hub. What exactly is it that is worth the wait? Do you mean anticipation as in, building up the sexual tension, to have a better orgasm? Or do you mean something else?

I wonder.... Voted up, shared and hit some buttons!


MsDora profile image

MsDora 4 years ago from The Caribbean Author

Escobana, I really appreciate your input. If my hub was not already long enough, I would have asked your permission to include it in the main body. However, I hope that it will benefit my readers who take the time to read it. My last sentence is influenced by my belief that the sexual act is more meaningful in a committed marriage relationship. I see that your perspective is different, and I'm happy that you are happy.


MsDora profile image

MsDora 4 years ago from The Caribbean Author

Manatita, thanks for your continual encouragement.


MsDora profile image

MsDora 4 years ago from The Caribbean Author

Dee, thanks for taking the time to comment and counsel. I agree that the men are not so labeled, and I hope that no-one will apply the label to any woman they know. Mine is just for description, and I promise I will consider your perspective in future hubs. Again, thank and I appreciate you.


MsDora profile image

MsDora 4 years ago from The Caribbean Author

Thank, Treasures. I appreciate the votes and your kind comments.


Escobana profile image

Escobana 4 years ago from Valencia

To Dee and MsDora,

To be labeled in modern day society is something that is as much part of this world, as is injustice, prejudice and harsh opinions.

I simply accept and embrace the fact for being labeled as promiscuous, crazy, insecure, over the top and lazy without a doubt.

For some reason, my very exciting life, is fun to gossip about with those who rarely see anything different than, realityshows and soapdrama's.

To be plain dull and boring to death, would be my living nightmare to be honest and yes....I am prejudiced like all of us who can't resist the urge of gossiping once in a while, putting those who pass by in their perfect boxes. I am no saint.

To worry about being labeled, is like putting effort into something you will never be able to change. We humans judge and we humans can learn to adore does who build us up.

Thanks for building us women up MsDora:-)


MsDora profile image

MsDora 4 years ago from The Caribbean Author

Escobana, thanks again for sharing from your experience. We have much to learn from you.


sylviasky 4 years ago

What patience and compassion in your counsel.

Do you have advice for promiscuous men?


Mama Kim 8 profile image

Mama Kim 8 4 years ago

In some cases I could see being promiscuous as a cry for help... but I being younger myself I've known many who simply enjoy the lifestyle as Escobana does. Our society has become more sexualized and old values are being tossed out left and right. Do these women need to be led onto the "right" path? I'm not sure. Some need more and to find other outlets for their pain... others would take great offense to anyone trying to change them even out of good intentions. There would need to be some deep discussions with a woman before deciding which category she fits in. I have several promiscuous friends that are now in wonderful marriages and they are very happy. I also have non promiscuous friends who are the opposite... From a religious standpoint I can see where the lines are drawn but if you take religion out of it and simply look at the effect it has on the woman, I'm not so sure either way is right or wrong. The answer would have to be per woman.

Fantastic though provoking hub Ms Dora ^_^ I'm certainly going to bring this up with many of my friends and have many hours of great discussions on the topic. Voted up and shared!


Kawaljit kaur profile image

Kawaljit kaur 4 years ago from JALANDHAR, Punjab (India)

MsDora

Hi

I have gone thru your article, By chance it clicked me while checking my mail and the title of the hub attracted me to see what is inside it. In your western openminded societies, it may be like something very much in practice. It might be happening in our conservative societies as well but not open like this. whatsoever $6 been the reasons there but I feel if I have to comment on its happening in our society, the big reason for it may be the desertedness which married women feel at some stage of time. I our male dominated societies, husbands always try to remain the bossess. With the passage of time, wives start feeling as if they are just 'worth usable' in their husbands lives. May be in lust for 'true' pleasure, they move 'out'. In any way, it is painful. Mutual understanding among women may heal the wounds!


MsDora profile image

MsDora 4 years ago from The Caribbean Author

Sylvia, thanks for your comment. Your question is a valid one. I will have to consider writing something similar for men.


MsDora profile image

MsDora 4 years ago from The Caribbean Author

Mama Kim, thanks for your input. I don't really know how to deal with a topic like this without including spiritual values. I'd like to know the opinions of your friends. I appreciate you taking the time to share yours. Perhaps you can write a supplementary hub. I'm sure that I can learn from you.


MsDora profile image

MsDora 4 years ago from The Caribbean Author

Kawaljit, I agree with your last statement. Women are the best women helpers and supporters. I think that I understand the situation in your male-dominated society, which can also happen in ours. In both societies, women have to empower women.


manatita44 4 years ago

Yes. Moral values are necessary yet alone spiritual ones. Without them society would crumble. Perhaps you can make it clear here Dora, for the benefit of your readers, that you are simply trying to share or inspire; not change anyone.


MsDora profile image

MsDora 4 years ago from The Caribbean Author

Manatita, thanks for your help. This hub is written for the women who want to mentor. It intends to share and inspire, not to decree change for people who do not desire change. I appreciate input from anyone who is kind enough to share. Thanks to all!


Dee aka Nonna profile image

Dee aka Nonna 4 years ago

Ms Dora, quite a dialogue your have created here. I could only hope that this type of conversation is going on with women who will get involved in helping another woman find her way and her path. Wonderful job. I say again that I love the way you built the various steps in the article to bring the women to a place of honor.


MsDora profile image

MsDora 4 years ago from The Caribbean Author

Dee, thanks for being a part of the dialogue and for affirming the position of "positive womanhood." We can't depend on the men to do it, so it gladdens my heart to meet another woman who does.


Dee aka Nonna profile image

Dee aka Nonna 4 years ago

MsDora, that's a back-at-ya....you are writing the book on affirming women, or at the least......adding to it in a most meaningful way. Blessing to you.


josiejossy profile image

josiejossy 4 years ago from Nairobi Kenya

MsDora, must admit your hub is soo great, talking about promiscuous lady, its true other just do it without giving a thoght of what will happen next, all they care about is that particular moment, have a friend of mine who used to be that kind of a lady, bt all she could say is having fun and exploring, but am glad she's now settled, yah its our duty to help such people whenever possible.........thanx for sharing...... very useful.


MsDora profile image

MsDora 4 years ago from The Caribbean Author

Thanks josiejossy, for your affirming comment. I'm happy for you and your friend that she is settled. It's all about selfless interest and love for our sisters.


Escobana profile image

Escobana 4 years ago from Valencia

Hi JosieJossy,

I was that kind of a lady and loved my life to pieces. Have you read my comments here? It's exactly this kind of prejudice and narrow minded opinions, I've heard over the last few decades.

How is it our duty to help 'such people' to get settled if they are merely having fun and exploring the world....in their own way? I got settled because I found out what I wanted to know and wanted to experience.

Not because I was lost or bored or because I could only enjoy 'particular moments'. I enjoyed superficial sexual contacts just as much as I enjoyed a night on my own in front of the TV.

Would you need help in exploring life as a promiscuous woman? I could teach you and tell you the wonderful and stimulating side of it. My guess is you don't want to know anything about it.

My guess is you're happy just the way you live your life. It might not be what would make me happy. I'm guessing we are opposites but please respect someone else's choices in life.

Even if she is...that kind of a lady. After all that's why I love this Hub. It's the respectful tone of a woman with much life experience, making me feel good about me AND my promiscuous previous life style.

By the way...I am very happy and glad with my great love today! Hope you are a happy person too:-)


Nikki Major profile image

Nikki Major 4 years ago

Yes ma'm.....this is the way women should treat each other. Regardless of their sexuality....it is love that lifts one another up and place them where they belong.


MsDora profile image

MsDora 4 years ago from The Caribbean Author

Nikki, glad you agree. Women really be kind to each other -- unconditional kindness.


josiejossy profile image

josiejossy 4 years ago from Nairobi Kenya

Hi Escobana

Hi gal am not against anyone's life neither am i condemning anyone, my point is that other people do what they because they feel that the right thing to do, others do it for their various reasons but mark you, in our midst we still have those ladies who really don't understand why, the benefits and the repercussion of such acts, and through sharing our love with them they tend to change and see things in different angles........anyway am glad that you explored and now you are settled.


MsDora profile image

MsDora 4 years ago from The Caribbean Author

Remember that "naïve" is added to the title. Though some women like Escobana insist that they're doing what they want to do, joseijossy and I care about those who "really don't understand . . . " like josiejossy said. We appreciate our varied views while we continue to learn from each other.


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 4 years ago from Shelton

my goodness Msdora what a fantastic hub.. you've made a giant step with this forum type of a hub and the vision is clear oh by the way the intro.. I never heard before but it takes right into your forum: If she is a virgin, like a wall, we will protect her with a silver tower. But if she is promiscuous, like a swinging door, we will block her door with a cedar bar.


MsDora profile image

MsDora 4 years ago from The Caribbean Author

Thanks, Frank. I especially welcome male input into the forum. Thanks for recognizing the intro. That beautiful scripture verse from the Song of Solomon underlines the responsibility of women to their sisters--to help protect both the morally innocent and the morally challenged.


Mama Kim 8 profile image

Mama Kim 8 4 years ago

I discussed this in length with a very religious friend of mine. She stated that the bible teaches to lead by example not to force it upon people. "Be a shining light and people will follow" So, she said she would personally be a good friend to this woman and be a confidant. Then just hope and pray that the person will see her light and happiness and strive for it herself.


nighthag profile image

nighthag 4 years ago from Australia

A wonderful thought filled article that so clearly states the need for a sisterhood, a loving community where understanding and acceptence are the norm.

sharing this one on :)


MsDora profile image

MsDora 4 years ago from The Caribbean Author

Mama Kim8, thanks to you and your friend for your very healthy input. I appreciate you making the effort to add religious insight.

Nighthag, thanks for reading and making an affirming comment. We are very much in need of the sisterhood you describe.


Escobana profile image

Escobana 4 years ago from Valencia

To Ms Dora and JosieJossy,

Interesting discussion we have here. Good to see we all agree on the fact that there are many women who don't see what damage can be done, for being promiscous. They do need our sisterhood.

I decided to link this Hub to mine about Manic hypersexuality. It's a great and loving Hub for a topic so delicate and the discussion we have here is important extra input for promiscuous women who live their life for their various reasons.

Blessings to you both:-)


MsDora profile image

MsDora 4 years ago from The Caribbean Author

Thanks, I'll look for your hub and read it. That's all a part of sisterhood.


DDE profile image

DDE 4 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

Women who live this way definitely need help and support thanks for Hub voted up!!!


MsDora profile image

MsDora 4 years ago from The Caribbean Author

Thank You, DDE for your affirmation. I appreciate you.


LostOne2 3 years ago

I need help. How can I get in touch with a mentor or have them get in touch with me. Please can someone tell me how this works. What do I do to heal? How does this work. I desperately need guidance. I am scared. I am even in counseling but don't believe my counselor is armed with information on this topic. Thank you for any help that can be offered to me.


MsDora profile image

MsDora 3 years ago from The Caribbean Author

LostOne, I commend you for searching for the help you need. Thanks for including me. Will try to reach you!


Kimika Foster profile image

Kimika Foster 2 years ago from Dallas, TX

Wow, very interesting read.


DREAM ON profile image

DREAM ON 22 months ago

A very difficult subject where many people rather ignore than understand. I am not sure of all the reasons why woman are promiscuous but I think maybe they are searching for love. Even though it my lead them into danger and risks that could ruin their life. They may have been influenced by their friends or past experiences and think this is the only way. As your hub suggests being helpful and a guiding hand for other alternatives. We are all creatures of habit and even if society might frown upon our choices it gives us an outlet. A feeling of self worth even if it is only temporary. Hoping to find Mr. Right. Interesting and so much to think about and explore. Thank you for sharing.


MsDora profile image

MsDora 22 months ago from The Caribbean Author

Thanks Dream On, for you compassionate, considerate feedback. I appreciate you.


grand old lady profile image

grand old lady 20 months ago from Philippines

As a strong Christian woman, you have tread dangerous territory, but dared to speak on behalf of the promiscuous woman, reminding us not only to judge, but to love. So very you, Ms. Dora.


MsDora profile image

MsDora 20 months ago from The Caribbean Author

Thanks, Mona. You make me smile and also pledge to continue loving despite the temptation to judge. You encourage me.


belleart profile image

belleart 18 months ago from Ireland

I really like the idea of women being there for other women, however I feel like this is somewhat shaming women who are sexually open when in reality there is nothing wrong with that. We shouldn't judge woman for their choices, and I know that's what you've said but using the term promiscuous is a bit unfair, why are women treated different to men when it comes to sex, as if only men can enjoy it without fear of judgement?

Other than that, the themes of sisterhood, and woman helping other women is really wonderful to see and for that this hub is very enlightening. So voted up, but try to understand there's nothing wrong with women who like sex. it's the people who tell them there's something wrong that need the help.


MsDora profile image

MsDora 18 months ago from The Caribbean Author

Belle, thanks for reading my article and offering your insights. I appreciate you.

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