How to be The Worst Invited Guests Who Ever Lived

The know-it-all

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You knew

it was coming. The hub that I have held-off of publishing that teaches any average person how to go from a dependable, lovable and reliable next-door neighbor who is always a pleasure to have at your get-together's to

The Worst Guests Who Ever Lived.

"Mr. Laziness"

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With a little training

you can be the type of man or woman who causes even the people with the hardest of hearts to cringe with dread when they see you coming.

It's as easy as reading this story and following everything I say to the letter.

Let's meet some of "the worst guests that ever lived." What do you say?

THE KNOW-IT-ALL (seen in top photo) he knows everything about everything. He butts in, speaks up, speaks out and interrupts anyone at anytime without warning. You can be this guy. Just read-up on a few casual subjects that you know that your neighbors are interested in and when you attend the next barbecue or cocktail party, you will be "armed to the teeth," with information to speak about and keep people annoyed.

"MR. LAZINESS" is the neighbor to the right in above photo. He mowed his lawn with his neighbor's lawnmower and now he is taking it easy stacking z's. How irritating is this guy? Do not worry. One day soon you can be the subject of one of my self-help hubs by being so lazy that you will pay someone to read it to you.

UP FOR GRABS is an aggravating dinner game you can play with people who are genuinely-interested in keeping friendships warm and loving. When you see the hostess place that great-looking platter of succulent Grade "A" pork chops, take your fork and beat everyone at the table in spearing one of the chops for yourself. Laugh as you place the pork chop on your plate. Then when the shock wears off and the rest of the dinner guests start to get a pork chop for themselves, attack again. Get another pork chop and say, "You people are way slow and if you do not speed-up, you are gonna starve to death!"

"I GOT THIS" when you see the wife or hostess at her stove cooking-up a special dish for dinner, you step-in and tell her, "I got this, sweetie," and even if she protests, do not move. "Act" as if you know what you are doing. She might say something to her husband, but do not cave-in. You are working on the title of "The Worst Guest Who Ever Lived."

LOOK

at the black and white photo above with the pretty girl smiling at the guy with his back to you. This guy she is talking to is close to being "The Worst Guest Who Ever Lived," and I am calling him . . .

"MR. DISTRACTION"

for he whispers useless information into the ear of the pretty girl to keep her occupied preventing her from taking part in the real conversation going on with the other civil dinner guests.

The photo below the black and white photo shows an irritating elderly lady snooping into her neighbor's business. Her title is . . .

"MISS HEAR-IT-ALL"

and she definitely knows how to keep-up with everyone's business in the neighborhood. To top it off, she loves to spread gossip to make her title of "Miss Hear-it-all," a badge of honor that she wears on her earlobes.

A few more

"Worst Guests Who Ever Lived Are" . . .

  • The Yakker - unlike "Mr. Know-It-All," the Yakker runs his mouth continually about whatever pops into his raging mind. He might get the men's attention who are outside having a beer by saying he knows how to make great beer at home at a fraction of the cost of buying beer at the grocery or package store. In a short time, the Yakker is feared and dreaded at the same time. Why does the host or hostess just tell him to leave? Well, he is a good friend with the police chief and mayor and someday you might need the Yakker to do you a huge favor like telling the police chief that you were not certain about not parking in front of the fire hydrant in front of the police station.
  • The Sneaker - never speaks to anyone that much. He might grin as he sneaks into the house where the party is happening. And as people are getting tipsy, he collects valuable secrets that are shared by those with too much booze running in their veins and shares this same information at another neighborhood party the next week.
  • The Rumor Master - he gets his name simply from making-up interesting and scandalous rumors about people the people at this party know personally and tells these people not to repeat what he is saying. Then he sits back and watches from his backyard as one by one, the people who he named in these vicious rumors are shunned and told by the people he told these rumors, to simply leave and never come back. He just loves the stunned looks on the people who are told to leave.

The "Rumor Master"

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I saved THE BEST one

for last.

"Mr. Entertainer"

This man "takes the cake," when it comes to being "The Worst Guest Who Ever Lived." He just loves to talk the hostess into a little television after a delicious dinner. So into the living room he and all of the guests to and sit down to watch a few old-time shows on television to cap off the perfect evening.

The other guests do not know that "Mr. Entertainer," has watched these shows so many times at his home that he can quote each show's dialogue word-for-word, and also knows the killers the cops are investigating plus he jumps in and tells everyone on the famous Perry Mason shows who really killed the rich playboy and ran off with his yacht.

The other guests all leave after an hour or two of "Mr. Entertainer's" television wisdom in a state of frustration, confusion and anger.

The host and hostess are in the same condition as they just glare at "Mr. Entertainer."

In all honesty . . .I kept this title of "Mr. Entertainer," for over five years.

And it was lonely every day of those five years.

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Comments 8 comments

Bishop55 profile image

Bishop55 2 years ago from USA

hahahahah! Sharing this.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dear friend, Bishop55,

I am so glad that I gave you a good laugh. But seriously, which one of these "guests," would I be?

It's fine. You can answer without fear of being scorned or exiled.

Thanks for stopping by. I appreciate you so much.


sheilamyers 2 years ago

It's bad enough I have to work with some people who are like that. I'd probably kill them if they snuck into a party I was giving. And they'd have to sneak, because they certainly wouldn't be invited.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dear Sheila,

LOL. I love your hubs and comments. You need to write an EBook or a book about not inviting certain people. I value your comments, friendship and following.

Kenneth


Kathryn Stratford profile image

Kathryn Stratford 2 years ago from Manchester, Connecticut

This is a very funny hub, and I enjoyed it. You're creative in coming up with these different personalities, and matching them up with appropriate photos. Great job!

Thank you for sharing this with us, and making me laugh.

Have a wonderful weekend, and I look forward to reading more of your work.

~ Kathryn


BNadyn profile image

BNadyn 2 years ago from Jacksonville, Florida

Entertaining read and very funny. You did a great job describing different personalities of party guests. Now I feel like I'll be paying more attention to spot these people next time I'm at a party and hopefully, not be one of them either! Voted up and sharing, enjoy your weekend.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dear Kathryn,

Thanks so very much for taking time to read and leave me such a sweet and nice comment such as this.

I try my best to make each hub better than the one before.

And your hubs are excellent by the way.

I invite you to come visit me at anytime.

Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, BNadyn,

I have never met you, but going by your profile I would wager and win that YOU WOULD NEVER be one of these annoying guests. No way under the sun.

Annoying guests somehow just pop-up without being invited because they live next to you or attend church with you. They think this automatically-entitles them to make themselves at home.

Thanks for your sweet remarks.

Kenneth

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