How to care of your parents after your marriage?
‘We never know the love of a parent till we become parents ourselves.’ - Henry Ward Beecher
The dedication of your parents in bringing you up can never be underestimated and you owe them your success in life and profession. You would be nothing without them. What do they expect in return? They want your love and care. They also want you to spend quality time with them.
It is true your life changes after marriage and you have your own family to look after. But this does not mean you can forget to take care of your parents. They are emotionally shattered when you completely ignore them citing your tight work schedule as the reason.
I was shocked when I read the newspaper today. An old couple had committed suicide because their son did not take care of them. They had left a suicide note saying how his indifference hurt them. ‘There was no purpose in our life after you deserted us’ the letter addressed their son.
Why do you find it difficult to take care of your parents after marriage?
Why do you not visit them to make them feel cared?
You have many responsibilities after marriage and your hectic lifestyle makes it impossible for you to relax. Work related stress and family worries make you fatigued and sapped. But these are part of everyone’s life and should not in anyway come between the love you have for your parents.
You are now successful professionally. Who do you own this success to? Your parents gave you unconditional love and care to mold you as an assertive and confident person. The least you owe them is your attention and care.
When you plan a family vacation, you always go to some tourist place as your parents never come to your mind. You should visit them with your family so that they enjoy the presence of their grandchildren. When you spend some days with them it makes them feel as a family. All they need is such caring gestures from you. Nothing else!
Why has world changed so much that relationships suffer?
It is true your spouse cannot love your parents as much as you do. For you it is your parents but for your spouse it is just his\her in laws and so feels he\she is not duty bound to them. When you help your parents he\she feels that they are leeching you out of your money when there are many urgent family needs to be taken care of.
Whether your spouse objects or not, you must help your parents. You have to allot time for them. You can now interact with them wherever you are. Mobile phones and web camera makes it easy for you to stay connected.
You should be grateful for the sacrifice and dedication with which they brought you up. You should call them at least once a day and inquire about their health and how they were faring. It gives them such pleasure when their son\daughter remembers to contact them.
Petty misunderstandings also ruin your relationship with your parents. Your spouse cannot be accused of being the sole reason behind the misinterpretation in your relationship. Your parents also do not change with times and cling to you for your total attention. Instead of adjusting with your spouse, they claim their rights as the lawful owner for your affection.
Should your parents reside with you?
It makes the atmosphere at home heated up when there are the inevitable clashes between your parents and your spouse. You are tensed who to support. It is always better if your parents reside away from you as the joint family concept works only when there is complete coordination between one another. When you stay together and fight amongst yourself, the rift between you widens and finally relationship with your parents falls apart.
When they stay away from you they have the freedom to lead their life as they want to. Your spouse also does not have the tension of adjusting with them and so feels good to talk to them when he\she sees them. Relationship with your parents too can be very fickle and unstable. When you nurture it, it grows and thrives, but when you ignore it your parents too can become strangers to you.
© 2014 mathira
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