How to deal with a jealous girlfriend: Ways to calm down a possessive girlfriend
Does your girlfriend get jealous when you talk with other girls? Does she keep calling and texting you every time you are out with your friends? Does your girlfriend annoyingly expect you to inform her when you get home after a party? Do you think that she is getting obsessively possessive and clingy about you? Jealousy is a deep rooted emotion that can break up even the strongest of relationships. This post talks about how you can calm her down and deal with her insecurities in a mature way.
1) Spot the early signs of jealousy in your girlfriend's behavior
Jealousy in a relationship can quickly spiral out of control to the point where couples split and go their own separate ways. Think of jealousy as a snowball hurled down a mountain slope – you better stop it while it is small.
The earlier you pick up the problem of jealousy in your relationship, the easier it will be to deal with it. Look out for some of these obvious signs that your girlfriend is jealous of you.
- She acts grumpy when you talk to a particular female friend of yours
- She gets annoyed when you tell her that you are going out for a party with your friends
- She makes you call when you reach home every time you go on a night out with your buddies
- She constantly keeps texting you when you are out with friends
- She asks too many questions and gets irritated when you don't give her details
2) Don't get angry on your girlfriend when she gets jealous
It may be your natural reaction to get angry at your girlfriend who feels jealous when you go out with your friends. But for her, your frustration may very well be a sign that you are hiding something.
Be calm and mature whenever your girlfriend has a bout of jealousy. Give her a hug and reassure her that there is no need to be jealous about your friendship with anyone else.
3) Ask your girlfriend who/what makes her jealous
Jealousy is often driven by the presence of one or two particular person or situations. Have a grounded conversation with your girlfriend to find out that these triggers are. Here are some common possible outcomes to your discussion.
- She is jealous of one of your childhood friends who is a very pretty girl
- She feels insecure and gets possessive when you go out for parties with your friends
- She is jealous because you spend a lot of time with just one particular work colleague who happens to be a good looking woman
Getting insight in your woman's mind will help you identify the exact trigger of your girlfriend's jealousy.
4) Ask her what she would do if you became jealous of one of her guy friends
There is no better way to win an argument with a jealous girlfriend than to ignite thoughts of self-realization. The next time she offloads a barrage of questions and annoys you with her distrust, ask her how she would feel if you got jealous when she spends time with her best friend who is a guy.
Instead of giving her any suggestions, simply ask her open-ended questions as you turn the situation around. Here are a few ideas.
- Would you stop meeting your best friend just because I am jealous?
- How would you feel if I did not trust your intentions with your friend who happens to be a guy?
- What would you do if I got possessive about how you spend eight hours every day with that handsome work colleague of yours?
Be calm as you throw open this discussion. Let your girlfriend reflect upon how her distrust is baseless.
5) Try not to avoid your girlfriend's calls when you are out
Avoiding your girlfriend's calls when you are out with friends is like adding fuel to fire. You may not realize the intensity of this but when your phone rings out, she will be there alone in her room freaking out and worrying about what you are up to.
Instead of avoiding her call, simply pick the phone up and have a quick chat. This will put her insecurities to rest and you will have fewer problems to deal with when you meet her next time. The choice is yours – a two minute conversation or a two hours argument.
6) Don't get annoyed if your girlfriend texts you when you are with friends
Anger and irritation may be your first reactions when you see your girlfriend's text on your cell phone when you are hanging out with your buddies. It is natural for you to think that your girlfriend is becoming too clingy and is not giving her guy space in the relationship.
But if you really care about her, put these feelings aside and spare a minute to reply back to her text. Subtly use clever words so that you end the conversation with your reply. For example
Girlfriend: What's up?
You: Just hanging out with mates. Speak to you after I get back home.
By saying that you will speak to her once you get back home, it will subtly bring a closure to the message.
7) Avoid being alone with the girl your girlfriend is jealous about
If your girlfriend is jealous about just one person in particular, avoid hanging out with that person until the issue is sorted out. Spending time with that person alone will lead to more arguments and fights between you and your girlfriend.
Put yourself in your girlfriend's shoes and think for a moment. Suppose your girlfriend was friends with a single guy who is the ideal definition of an attractive hunky man. Would you be comfortable knowing that your girlfriend is hanging out with him alone at his place, considering your insecurity?
8) Get your girlfriend to come along when you go out with your friends
Your girlfriend's jealousy and insecurity is likely to be driven by the fear of unknown. She may be imagining that you are hanging out with your pretty friends who all have eyes on you. Dismiss these crazy thoughts of hers by taking her out along with you when you hang out with your friends.
Getting to know your friends, guys and girls, will give her a peak into their personalities. This will calm her down and stop her from making assumptions about the people you meet every day.
9) Be careful of what you post on other girls' Facebook and Twitter
From the perspective of your girlfriend's jealousy in your relationship, stuff that you post on another girl's Facebook or Twitter can really go wrong. Be really careful of your online habits while you try to calm your girl down.
For example, suppose your girlfriend is very jealous of a pretty girl in your class who also happens to be your childhood bestie. When you Like any of her Facebook photos or give her a harmless wink in a comment on her status update, you are fueling your girlfriend's doubts.
You may think that controlling your activities on social media is a bit extreme. But if you genuinely want to give your relationship a chance, be careful of what you say online until you have dealt with your girl's jealousy.
10) Compliment your girlfriend often: Let her know that she is the only one you find attractive
Giving a girl compliments and making her feel more attractive can make a big difference to her levels of insecurity. She will feel more sexy, attractive and confident. Being appreciated will also give her self-esteem a massive boost.
Hearing your sweet words will reassure her that there is no one else in your mind. Over time, your constant compliments will make her believe that for you, there can be no one as beautiful as her.
11) Don't stare at other girls when your girlfriend is with you
You will create a lot of distrust and add to your girlfriend's insecurity if you check out other girls while she is with you.
Looking at her guy ogling at pretty girls will make her feel unattractive. She will instantly think 'If he can check out other girls when I am right beside him, I wonder what happens when I am not around'
12) Never hide the fact that one of your friends is your ex
Almost all boyfriends and girlfriends have their share of secrets. But hiding the fact that one of your best friends is your ex is not a secret that you should keep from your girlfriend.
Eventually when girlfriend finds out, she will feel let down and cheated even if you haven't actually cheated on her. Add to this, the already volatile equation of your girlfriend's jealousy, you will have a situation that is just waiting to go wrong and lead to a breakup.
13) Jealousy doesn't disappear overnight: Wait for at least a few weeks
Even after you reason with your girl and help her deal with her own insecurities, don't expect overnight changes. Jealousy is a human emotion and not an app on your cell phone which can be turned on and off immediately.
You will have to wait at least a few weeks if not months, to notice a positive change in your girlfriend's levels of possessiveness. Be patient and don't get frustrated.
14) Look at the bright side of jealousy: She is mad about you
One way of looking at your girlfriend's jealousy is that she is really crazy about you. If she can't tolerate other girls laying their eyes on you, just think about how deeply that woman is attracted to you.
Use this thought as an anchor to calm yourself down while you try to deal with your girlfriend's jealousy.
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