How to get my wife sexually active again part 2

98% effective!

First let me start by saying this is only a 98% guarantee, nothing is 100% in this life. But using these tips will give you a good head start! Begin by first reading my other Hub titled “Why isn’t my wife sexually active”. Once you have figured out what it is that is wrong and you can either fix it or avoid doing it in the future, then we can begin.

You know your wife better than I do, so you will have to adjust these things to fit her. Try to think back on what it was that made the two of you click in the first place. Once you have succeeded in your quest, don’t let it all go down the drain. Repeat daily! Be playful - make her laugh, laughter relaxes us more than anything. Have you seen her with her friends? They laugh. Try not to be critical, we take it differently than men. It’s not constructive criticism when coming from the one we love. She is not your underling, she will not take it kindly if you yell at her.


Be Happy!

1.  Start your day out by being happy.  When you wake up with a smile and if your wife is still in bed with you, give her a little snuggle.  Keep in mind this is not a ‘lets have sex’ snuggle, this is just a ‘good morning’ snuggle, with a kiss on the side of the neck.  BEFORE she can pull away, you do so first.  Now is not the time, you must make her wait. 

Wait on her!

2.  If you both drink coffee and it isn’t set, YOU get up and make it.  If she is preparing for work, bring it to her with a smile.  Set it on the counter with a ‘good morning’ and walk away.  If this is not the normal thing for you to do, she will be slightly stunned, wondering what you’re up to.

Make breakfast!

3. If at all possible make her breakfast, even if it’s just toast.  She will like it, particularly if it is something you have never done before.  Just remember you may have to clean up the mess!

Listen to her

4.  Ask her what she has planned for her day.  When she tells you, LISTEN, ask questions, draw her into conversation.  Communication is the key to any good relationship.   Do not tell her what to do with her day.  If she has a dilemma at work, and asks your opinion, you may give it but do not stress the issue.  Do no try to force your ideas on her, she may have a different way of dealing with things. 

Be Playful

5.  Do something silly, like wearing an apron.  Be goofy, she may seem like she isn’t enjoying it.  But if she has her mouth turned up at the edges, like a smile is going to break out,  you are doing it right.  She may even ask you “What the heck are you up to?”  You will have to tell her “I’m just in a good mood today!”  If you are normally a grouchy person or ‘all business’ she may not buy it.  Then tell her you are turning over a new leaf or trying something different.  

Be her 'idiot'!

5.  If during the conversation you feel like touching her hand, do so.  Maybe stroke her back or shoulders.  This is not a ’get into the sack’ plan, it is to open her eyes, that is all.  During this time if you can joke around and make her laugh, it would be a good thing to do.  Women love to laugh.  If she calls you an ’idiot’ but with a smile, you are doing a good job.   

Do chores around the house

6.  If at all possible get as much housework as you can done, so it isn’t there for her when she returns home.  If she is an organized person she may have a list of ‘things to do’, find that list and get the hardest things done first.  Do it the absolute best that you can, you don’t want her to have to re-do it.  If this is something that is not normal for you, she will be pleased.


Make dinner

7.  Have dinner ready when she gets home, this will take a load off of her mind.  Even if it isn’t what she had planned, she will appreciate it.  Here is the easiest recipe I know “Pot Roast in a crock pot”  Brown the roast in a frying pan, while this is happening, peel and cut up your veggies, put them in the crock pot, put the meat on top of that, add 3 Cups water, cover and let simmer all day on low.  DON’T TOUCH IT!!  Eat peanut better if you have to, just stay out of it.  (Recipe courtesy of Lillygrillzit)

The 'Kiss' is in here!

Pay attention to the Kiss!!

8.  When she comes home have the table all set, maybe a candle or two burning.  Give her that warm welcoming kiss home.  If you have to, watch the movie Desperado to see how Antonio Bandaras does it!  Yeah, we want to be kissed like that!  Those kind of kisses leave us feeling like … Whoa!  We like that feeling. 

No TV!!

9. Pull out her chair with a flourish, and set her down!  You are giving her the royal treatment!  Make dinner fun, give her a bib and you feed her, you wear a bib and let her feed you.  Whatever it takes make it memorable!  Maybe a few kisses in between bites.  Make sure the TV is off!  There is nothing quite like a news program to ruin the ‘mood’,


Keep on Playing!

10.  Cleaning up when you are finished eating, if she gets up to clean away the dishes, get up and help her.  There is nothing quite as romantic as sharing housework.  Doing the dishes together can be a fun time a well, this is where the touching happens a lot, as you’re passing by each other washing and putting away dishes.  If she is washing, slip your arms around her from behind, giving her a peck on the cheek.  If you have gotten her in a playful mood, then a soap beard is not out of the question.  (make sure she has nothing else planned for the evening like going somewhere, you don‘t want to mess up her make-up!)  Water fights in the kitchen are fun, provided you are there to help clean up the mess

Be that Human washcloth!

11.  Taking a shower together is awesome after having a hard day, suggest it.  Tell her you want to be her human washcloth.  To do this you lather up your body, then using yourself as the washcloth you rub yourself all over her.  Wash her hair, don’t drown her please!  Rinse and repeat!  You probably missed a spot when washing her, so you might have to do it all over again.  Be prepared to have shower sex!  Of course you will.  But this doesn’t have to be then end, you can now take it into the bedroom.

Round 2

12.  If you have warmed her up as I have suggested, then you might be in for the night of your life!  Do not expect to go directly to sleep after the first time.  Cuddle with her, whisper sweet nothings in her ear.  Talk of your hopes and dreams for the future.  Do not tell her what a wonderful job you did with the house, she will either know or find out later on her own.  Once you are ready for round 2, you will have to take it from there!

Recap of what you have learned!

Now lets recap -
1. Don’t be a grouch, be happy.
2. Be playful and maybe a bit goofy. (remember we like to laugh).
3. Help with the chores.
4. Listen when she talks.
5. Kiss her like you mean it!

Keep up the good work!

I understand that these things will not be done daily, but if you try them 2 or 3 times per week, she may be more susceptible to your attentions! 

On a side note for those with children - This will be slightly more difficult, but not impossible.  Help with the children, help pick up after them, help with homework, give them their nightly baths.  Get a babysitter if you wish for a ‘Super Special’ night! 

Authors note

Please keep in mind that I am not a professional counselor, these are my thoughts and ideas that I have garnered from speaking with others regarding this subject.  Reading an article is no substitute for seeking professional help. 

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Comments 29 comments

JillKostow profile image

JillKostow 6 years ago from Pennsylvania

Excellent Sequel to the first hub!!! Now where can one leave this lying around to be accidently on purpose read.......hmmmm


Sweetsusieg profile image

Sweetsusieg 6 years ago from Michigan Author

Make several copies... one for the pillow, one on front of the coffee pot, one on the dash of the car, one next to the toilet... you know girl, you can do it!!


LillyGrillzit profile image

LillyGrillzit 6 years ago from The River Valley, Arkansas

Thank you so much for using my name, and getting me in the mood! LOL... Your recipe for a warm and affectionate relationship is 100% good.

Senator Lu Hardin was one of my teachers years ago, he was an attorney who had a lot of men come to him perplexed as to why their wife wanted a divorce. He found a secret to making his wife happy, and when he came home and she had been slaving all day at the house, he would grab the vacuum cleaner and vacuum like crazy...it made her happy! Great Hub!Voted UP always


Sweetsusieg profile image

Sweetsusieg 6 years ago from Michigan Author

You are most welcome! Happy to do it.

A lot of what I wrote is common sense, but at times we get so busy with life that we forget what is important IN our life. I know I am guilty of this as well. I get busy with the kids and forget that he needs a little attention also!

Thanks for reading and commenting!


Doinwithout 6 years ago

Easier said than done. Common sense, for sure, but getting her off the 'not-interested' attitude is almost as difficult as having amiable middle-east peace talks.


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 6 years ago

I think these are all great tips!

Don't you find it odd though in the beginning of most relationships very little effort is required to arouse us. I find it facinating that we tend to shower new people with affection and sex to win them over and once they become "ours" we make them earn it. ha ha ha

Of course there are many men who do all of those things mentioned in the beginning of a new relationship and then they stop! This is a thought provoking hub!


tom hellert profile image

tom hellert 5 years ago from home

SSG,

i have a different idea - whenever I go by her i attack her kissing on neck squeezin her butt and other parts that start W b,

- its hit or miss allot of times sometimes Ijust come to bed early.... that's all it takes on a good day- she will ask? "any reason your up here so early?"

but ALL THE IDEAS ARE GOOD FOR SURE-


Sweetsusieg profile image

Sweetsusieg 5 years ago from Michigan Author

LOL - What ever works is ok by me!!


Sweetsusieg profile image

Sweetsusieg 5 years ago from Michigan Author

Sorry John your comment was deleted. This is NOT that kind of site...


Sun-Girl profile image

Sun-Girl 5 years ago from Nigeria

Hi sweetsusieg, thanks again for sharing another important and interesting article which i was readily informed after reading form this one.


Sweetsusieg profile image

Sweetsusieg 5 years ago from Michigan Author

You are very welcome!!


gprakash profile image

gprakash 5 years ago from Ranchi

Be natural. no need to make somebody active. If things happens its own it has its own beauty.


Sweetsusieg profile image

Sweetsusieg 5 years ago from Michigan Author

Well there is that!! Some men want it now, not later though...


RNTgirl Kirsten 5 years ago

This post is covered in awesomesauce. Fabulous advice. So grateful that Husband 2.0 is already a black belt!

Hi. Ya.


Sweetsusieg profile image

Sweetsusieg 5 years ago from Michigan Author

So glad you liked it!! And lucky husband 2.0!! Sounds like he has gotten himself a firecracker!!


ajayshah2005 profile image

ajayshah2005 5 years ago from Mid Asia

Very good sequel.great hub!


Sweetsusieg profile image

Sweetsusieg 5 years ago from Michigan Author

Thanks, so glad you liked it!


tgdhd 5 years ago

still didn't get ny !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Sweetsusieg profile image

Sweetsusieg 5 years ago from Michigan Author

Oh boy!! Well it wasn't a 100% guarantee... But you know what they say if at first you don't succeed, try, try again!!


unhappy 5 years ago

I have been doing chores, cooking(even baking cookies), bathing and feeding kids, bringing home the big bucks and kissing her butt for years and my sex like still sucks. She only cares about herself and not my needs.


Sweetsusieg profile image

Sweetsusieg 5 years ago from Michigan Author

Well now that is an entirely different story... You might enjoy my Hub on How to live with a Narcissist.. I feel your pain my friend!

http://hubpages.com/health/How-to-live-with-a-narc...


sam bhattarai 4 years ago

great tips thx

i love them


Sweetsusieg profile image

Sweetsusieg 4 years ago from Michigan Author

Thank you!! Hope they are helpful for you!!


doinwithout 4 years ago

unhappy: And it's very disappointing isn't it? (to say it kindly) There must be a list of how to clue the spouse to respond constructively to the complements the list of doing chores, cooking, making coffee, etc. The formula sometimes has no effect--and may even invite rebuke. Sorry folks for throwing cold water on the conversation but sometimes there is very little loving response.

Sorry Sweetsusieg. I appreciate your suggestion for counseling but some of us--thankfully very few--have 'partners' who adamantly feel they don't need counselling. How about that? If only we could have seen it before popping the big question. As for those of you reading this who think I'm simply bitter. No. Just deeply disappointed. And it can happen to anybody--very few but one is too many to the person experiencing it. So don't take anyone for granted. Nurture each other. Hope for the best.


Sweetsusieg profile image

Sweetsusieg 4 years ago from Michigan Author

Of that I have no doubt. Sometimes no matter how much is done, the sex is just not there. I am sorry that you have found yourself in this situation.


trusouldj profile image

trusouldj 4 years ago from Indiana

Good tips, but like you said , "Sometimes no matter how much is done, the sex is just not there. " And for one have decided to stop reaching for someone who chooses not to reach back.


Sweetsusieg profile image

Sweetsusieg 4 years ago from Michigan Author

When the love and trust is gone, then the relationship has a tendency to wither away as well.


pdghavami 3 years ago

I read part 1 and that went to Part 2. I feel this information would help if it could be read and acted on. If you stop liking your partner and uninterested in sex for more than 6 months it's serious. Losing interest and thinking of life without a person you have been married to for 12 years is not good. Sometimes not having sex bring the reality of why you should not be together in the first place.


Sweetsusieg profile image

Sweetsusieg 3 years ago from Michigan Author

This is very true. If (and this is a very big IF) you can take sex out of the equation and become friends again there might be hope for the relationship - but both parties have to be willing to try.

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