How to get your man to do exactly what you want him to do

And you don't have to be a witch to do it...

 My husband used to come home from work, and immediately take off his socks and shoes, leaving them in the middle of the living room that i just vaccumed.

He would then go into the bedroom, and strip down, leaving his clothes on the floor. He would walk to the bathroom, take a shower, and dry off. His towl would end up in the bathroom floor next to his underware, and the bathroom floor was left slobby and wet.

I used to yell, complain, and sometimes end up screaming at him that he was ungrateful and unappreciative of how i kept our home, and would say in no uncertain terms that he wouldn't be "getting any" from me that night.

This didn't work.

When you withold sex form your partner, it doesn't change their behavior, it makes them resentful.

They go on to do whatever it is that they were doing because like children, ( we all have an inner child) they rebel.

So, i sat sown one afternoon angry because i knew that when he came home, my beautiful clean house would cease to be the oasis i had created by making sure everything was clean and in its place.

I decided, it was time for a change.

So, i started thinking. When was the last time that i was able to make a change without changing myself? Never!

But he was doing the damage, i thought, not me. So what could i possibly change about myself that would stop his behavior?

Then it came to me.

It was my reaction. I was only reacting to his negative behavior, and in a negative way, at that.

So i decided to do the oposite. Be positive. Yes, i know what your thinking, how can i be positive about his tornado like entrance leaving me to clean up the aftermath.

 

This is how.

 I stoped my usual routine for about a week. My husband came to me a few times that week, worried that i had somehow feel into some sort of housewife depression. He asked me what was wrong, and why wasn't I cleaning up, and rushing around to clean up after him.

I simply explained to him that i loved him, and that it wasn't worth the fighting.

That didn't worke either.

So I came up with a method that works for us, and depending on your energy, it might work for you too.

 

The next time my husband came home, I was sitting on the couch reading a magazine. As usual, he said that he was starving. Without looking up, i calmly said "there's a surprise for you in the hamper."

Looking horrified that it might be divorce papers or something, he went and checked. I had left a note for him on top of his dirty clothes, that said that if he put all of his clothes in the hamper, and put his shoes away, i would make him a steak dinner, complete with dessert.

I heard him walking from the bedroom to the bathroom, and ye yelled down "clothes are in the hamper"

I went up to check. It was beautiful. Clothes were in the hamper, there was no change on the dresser, and his shoes were neatly in his shoe rack.

I made good on my promis, and although the bathroom was still a mess i thought "we've made progress!"

The next day, he came home, and before i could say anything, he ran upstairs and put his clothes away "clothes are in the hamper" he yelled. Then he went into the bathroom, and found the nighty i left hanging on the shower rod, complete with a note that said "If you straighten up the bathroom after you're done, i'll wear this tonight."

I have never seen a cleaner bathroom in my life. He went the extra mile, and rinsed out the tub when he was finished showering.

We went on like this for weeks, and then one night after dinner he commented on the fact that "things were different" and that i seemed "in a better mood." He asked me what changed.

I told him that after cleaning all day, him coming home and erasing my efforts made me feel unappreciated, and disrespected, and that those 2 were a huge turn off for me. I explained that him coming home, and cleaning up after himself, and being respectful of the hard work i did, was a huge turn on.

After wittnessing it for himself, and really listening to me, he seemed to get it. He never came home and messed up the house again. Even on his days off now, if he uses a dish, he rinses it and wipes off the counter.

This has exterminated the arguments about the house. It has enhanced our marriage. Now, the notes are for fun. What was once used as a tool, is now a toy that we both get equal enjoyment out of!

So take it from me, if you want things to change, you have to change. Depending on the circumstances, your change wont be the same as mine.

But don't worry, you'll figure something out!

Comments 25 comments

yaknowwhat profile image

yaknowwhat 6 years ago from USA

loved it ! keep writing , I look forward to reading more from you :)


naughty chef profile image

naughty chef 6 years ago from Somewhere between the kitchen and the bedroom... Author

im so excited! thank you!


geegee77 profile image

geegee77 6 years ago from The Lone Star State!!

Great Idea I'll look forward to reading more from you:)


naughty chef profile image

naughty chef 6 years ago from Somewhere between the kitchen and the bedroom... Author

Thank you geegee!


Ivorwen profile image

Ivorwen 6 years ago from Hither and Yonder

Fun and creative! I like it.


naughty chef profile image

naughty chef 6 years ago from Somewhere between the kitchen and the bedroom... Author

thnx ivorwen, saved my mariage!


De Greek profile image

De Greek 6 years ago from UK

Funyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!! Well done :-))


naughty chef profile image

naughty chef 6 years ago from Somewhere between the kitchen and the bedroom... Author

De Greek- thanx, i was just telling it how it happened! I just don't think you need to be a witch to your man to get him to take out the garbage!


TattoGuy 6 years ago

What do I get if I dump chicks properly ; )


boyjyoti profile image

boyjyoti 6 years ago

What is your husband's age? 5 years or so? :)

I haven't heard of such a way to straighten them up....

Anyways welcome, you are just after me and I am surprised to see already 5 hubs from you whereas I have just the one. Did you see it? I need your feedback. My next few are going to be funny ones. Be prepared to answer a riddle.


naughty chef profile image

naughty chef 6 years ago from Somewhere between the kitchen and the bedroom... Author

Tattoo guy- I think it amazingly cool of you to come back from my comment and be so nice. So, if you start behaving, ill make you beef wellington. And i hear The Pink Umbrella is a certified massage therepist, so maybe you can work something out with her. As for me, im married!


naughty chef profile image

naughty chef 6 years ago from Somewhere between the kitchen and the bedroom... Author

boyjyoit- your comment is sort of offensive to me. 5 years old? i think any man would like to be rewarded with sex instead of yelled at for being messy.

I did see that you have 1 hub, but I have a few novels published, so writing these hubs is like kiddy play to me. Not as far as the writing, but as far as the amount of time it takes me. Im so used to writing fast to meet deadlines, that it takes me about 10 minutes to write a hub. I love it though, and think ill be here for quite awhile! I look forward to reading your hubs, and my husbands a whiz at riddles, so i look forward to telling him yours, and seeing if he can figure it out!


logic,commonsense 6 years ago

You are a genuis! It would surprise a lot of women if they would be willing to reward positive behaviour, how much greater the returns would be than the investment made!


naughty chef profile image

naughty chef 6 years ago from Somewhere between the kitchen and the bedroom... Author

Oh yea, and depending on the reward...it could end up being a reward for both parties...a reward for your partners change, and a reward for yours as well!


tom hellert profile image

tom hellert 6 years ago from home

NC,

Ya catch more flies wirh honey than vinegar-as for me my wife only uses this sexual extortion on occassion-sometimes I say - OK- I'm still not (insert her desire here). or if I do x we will do xxx later...*tee-hee* Silly chef... you remind me of my friends wife- he falls for it every time like a horse to water..

good job

TH


naughty chef profile image

naughty chef 6 years ago from Somewhere between the kitchen and the bedroom... Author

Tom.H- well, thank you. I just needed to stop being so nasty, and start getting nasty! Much better outcome, if I do say so Myself!


saddlerider1 profile image

saddlerider1 6 years ago

I promise to clean up after myself if you can prepare cherries jubilee for me, love crepes for for breakfast. And for dinner chicken cordon bleu would be yummy or steak beef wellington. Yummy, black forest cake for desert hits the spot. But alas I won't get any of the above, you know why?

Because this cowboy is one of the neat freaks that loves to keep a clean house. I am on the same page as you, clean is good. I love to have a spotless kitchen, bathroom, bedroom and every other room in the house, but tell that to my pardner:0))) he he he

I am forever picking up her panties from the floor, cleaning up the mess she leaves in the kitchen and elsewhere:0)) bless her kind soul or better not don't as she may tickle me to death while she has me handcuffed naked to our bed. I do loves her kinky ways.


naughty chef profile image

naughty chef 6 years ago from Somewhere between the kitchen and the bedroom... Author

That is a healthy relationship...I am glad to hear it! Some couples let the fighting get in the way of sex. All be it, I was one of those, as disrespect turns me off, but like I said, I needed to change my actions, for results to be different.

I used to be ok with picking up after my husband, as I felt that was my duty. Then one day I said to him "What if i went to your job one day after you were done, and shredded the files you had worked on all day, how would you feel if at the end of the day, I came along, and reversed all of your progress..." I said this without thinking, but as soon as it escaped my lips, and I realized what i had said, I knew I was right. So that's when I knew he thought that what he did was more valuable than what I did. And that infuriated me. It was part of the beginings of the changing process. If your clean, and your partner is messy, that's fine, just as long as you are happy about your roles, and feel respected. If not, like me, you should change a little something, so you can move towards finding a new balance.

But from the sounds of it, you two seem like your happy!

I love that! Happy relationships are a gift!


tom hellert profile image

tom hellert 6 years ago from home

Darn chef- you're taken...already huh all the good ones are gone I got one so Im lucky but I got allota single friends with $$ and no one to spend it on.. oh well


naughty chef profile image

naughty chef 6 years ago from Somewhere between the kitchen and the bedroom... Author

Tom- :P Yes, im married. Its good your single friends have money. I was single in my 20's and i was broke...


tom hellert profile image

tom hellert 6 years ago from home

Is that you with the whip in the picture?


naughty chef profile image

naughty chef 6 years ago from Somewhere between the kitchen and the bedroom... Author

Tom.H- its a very close likeness, but i dare not put my real photo up, my husband doesn't want the "crazies" to come after me, lol.


ChristopherD 6 years ago

Only if my wife would read this. I would gladly go the extra mile if I knew she would do something special for me. Great article by the way.


naughty chef profile image

naughty chef 6 years ago from Somewhere between the kitchen and the bedroom... Author

haha, thanzx ChristopherD!


Sarah VB 2 years ago

That was a great story!!!

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