How to overcome the middle age crisis in your marriage?
‘Around mid-life everyone goes maniac a little bit.’- Tom Beranger
It is really funny how various stages of your life change the pattern of your marriage. Your views about your spouse and marriage transforms in a radical way as you age. When you enter middle age your attitude towards marriage undergoes many changes.
What are the changes you see in your life?
- You have health related problems.
- You fear your retirement and the subsequent dearth of money.
- You lack sexual drive.
- You are no longer enamored by your spouse.
- You feel your spouse is using you for his\her selfish needs.
- You are bogged down by the never ending responsibilities for the family.
- You become cynical and skeptical.
As years go by, your marriage settles down to the mundane and the mediocrity. There is nothing exciting in it for you as you have outgrown your spouse and there is an undercurrent of indifference in your attitude towards him\her.
Why has this to happen to your marriage? You are never bored with your children, are you? You love them in all stages of their life. You enjoy their growth and feel proud of their achievement. You never stop dreaming about them! Why is it so? You feel that they belong to you and so you feel protective and loving towards them.
Can you say the same about your feelings for your spouse?
After the initial glow of your love wears off, you overlook your spouse as just your life partner, who is a parent to your child, who lives with you and as a person with whom you are compelled to share your life because of the forced bond of marriage. Don’t you feel that there is an air of resignation in your attitude? ‘No other go’ seems to become your motto about your relationship after you enter your middle age.
Why do you experience such negative changes in the way you look at marriage?
- The top most reason is the boredom you feel in each other's company.
- The proximity of your spouse no longer excites you
- You do not seem to have anything new to talk to him\him.
When you are bored with your spouse it makes your relationship lack the enthusiasm and the verve to make your marriage shine.
If the initial days of your relationship were breezy and flashy, your middle age relationship should be of mature love which is far valuable than the early days of your marriage. When you recollect the many problems you have overcome with the help of your spouse you feel nostalgic love for him\her. You have been together in all ups and downs of your life all through these years! A great achievement, isn’t it? Feel a warm glow of love when you look at your spouse!
Do not ever become cynical in your attitude towards life as this makes you a ‘doubting master’, having doubts about the value and beauty of everything. You feel bogged down by the ever growing responsibilities that are thrust on you and you feel pressurized and drained.
You are taken aback when the children you loved and cherished deviate from you to lead a life of their own. You plunge yourself into depression thinking that they no longer love you. You should realize that your children have grown up and have outgrown the need to cling to you. Accept it and take a step away from them and be proud that you have done your duty as a good parent.
Are you no longer attracted to your spouse?
Do you feel him\her to be jaded and uninteresting?
It is indeed very sad when you lose the attraction for your spouse. Does this mean you have outgrown the ability to feel sexual attraction? Then how is it you feel sly attraction for the opposite sex other than your spouse even as you age?
Do you know that the appeal for your spouse cannot age if you truly love him\her? You feel emotional that he\she had held your hand during your problematic years and is still there after your children have left you. Of course your sexual drive lessens with age, but you can never forgo it completely as it is a must for your marriage to withstand the toils of time. It is the cementing force of your marriage!
Your dependency on each other should increase as you age to bring you closer. Your resentment and anger towards each other should decrease to make your life smooth and tension free. Your care and love for each other should increase to make your relationship strong and stable. And finally the communication gap between you should decrease so that you have a comfortable and beautiful relationship.
© 2014 mathira
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