How to stop being mad at someone you love
Answer I gave to someone who kept losing bfs due to her anger.
Mine was rated the best answer in that forum by the asker.
"I had the same problem as you do. It took me some years to evolve, and to control my anger. The best time to control the outburst is when you feel it coming. 1. Think of nice things about your 'victim.' 2. Think of your favourite things. 3. Tell yourself that you have become a better person.
You are a powerful person, so will not let silly things, people or circumstances provoke you. Little by little, you will laugh at all these provocations. You are as big as what you're angry about. The lesser the person, the lesser the reason for his or her anger. If you're angry about very important issues, that's fine, and that's productive anger! You can grow up to be an unshakeable person, who will refuse to be shaken by teenyweeny things!
See if this helps: My second son, who is about 6, can be very annoying. Makes you want to hit him! But I had promised myself that I wouldn't hurt anyone smaller than me. What I do, when I feel the rush of blood in my head is to hug him and smother him with kisses! That physical action dilutes the anger, and it is cheated into transforming into love! Please try that on your bf!"
Using Good Memories and Releasing Violence
Even if you are a reasonable, pleasant soul, anger gives you no chance. Sometimes. The strength of anger is in its impact, and when it hits you suddenly, your sensible self has no chance. You lash out, hurting near and dear.
There's one trick that works for me:
the love-memory trick.
For example, my son, when he was about five or so, irritated me with his constant chatter when I was busy with work. I wanted to hit him hard and make him stop. Then I remembered when he first came into my life, a pink bundle of joy, looking out at the world with teddy eyes. I remembered the first time he smiled, the first time he spoke my name, and a lot of other first times. I also remembered how much we craved for him long before he was born. Then my priorities took a wonderful shift and I stopped work to give him a kiss and play with him. Why am I busy at work? To give my family a great time in the future. So should I sacrifice their immediate pleasures and give them a hard time now? I then realised that my mind had switched to 'reasonable' mode, at which I was comfortable.
When little ones make you mad, another trick is
Hug them hard and cover them with kisses and tickles. This fools your anger instead of fueling it. The necessary violence is released for the anger to work itself off. But it is only violent hugging and kissing! Love will take over and care of everything.
This works for romantic relationships too. The anger transforms to passion and all is cool!
Wishing you the best of relationships!
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