How to stop fighting in married life? Take everything in the lighter vein!
‘You can measure the happiness of a marriage by the number of scars that each partner carries on their tongues, earned from years of biting back angry words.” –Elizabeth Gilbert
The hectic lifestyle that you now lead has made your married life stressed and tensed. You flare up in anger for mild reasons and argue bitterly with your spouse. Arguments can cause incredible tension between you. Often arguments assume the proportion of bitter fights. Hurting words are hurled at each other with ease and the fight you have sometimes continues for days.
Why do you feel like fighting with your spouse? Let us see few of the reasons!
- He\she does not listen to you.
- He\she is not understanding and supportive.
- He\she is a spendthrift or a miser.
- He\she ridicules you which make your hackles rise.
The list is endless and many couples might have many more reasons to point out. Who actually starts the argument? It all depends on your mood and the mood of your spouse. When your spouse does something wrong, you react as though some crime has been committed and literally bully him\her as if he\she was a nitwit.
You bring your work related tension home and make it a hell. You flare up at the most innocuous comments of your spouse and all hell is broke as you both indulge in mutual mudslinging. The children watch you with fear and aversion, but nothing fazes you as your arguments lasts through the night.
How to avoid fights between you and your spouse?
It would be a day dream if you think that there will be a perfect sync of thoughts between both and that you can never be disappointed with each other. Mild differences of opinion and varied ideas should be accepted in relationships.
It is very natural for you to expect your spouse to behave in accordance to your mindset, but it almost never happens. It becomes unnatural when you make differences of opinion a big issue and think that he\she is not as loving and caring as you thought to be.
This mindset of expecting your spouse to tow your line is the main reason for arguments. You try to pull your spouse to your angle and he\she resists it and the result is anger, bitterness and disappointment. It instigates words to fly forth with high velocity and you fight as though you were enemies.
The easiest way to end arguments is to accept your spouse as he\she is. When arguments begin to show its ugly face one of you should backtrack so that it becomes feeble and disappearing.
It needs two hands to make noise and it needs two people to start an argument. Your spouse might be in the wrong, but if you are understanding and patient enough do not join the fray. It is not as if a competition is being held to show your strength.
Another thing you should never think of doing is to bring the old fights into the present fight and rekindle the bitterness back again. If you do so your arguments becomes all the more bitter and causes rift in your relationship. Do you know that such continuous difference of opinion can cause you to drift apart?
It is very easy to end arguments when you take lighter view of everything. It is when you blow everything out of proportion does your argument extend. It should never be continued another day and a truce should be reached on that day itself.
It is your love for each other that should be in the forefront and not your petty difference of opinion. Work related tension has no place at home as it is your unwinding domain and not your stress reliving boxing bag. All is well when your fights are superficial, but when it becomes an ego clash to determine the winner, you both become losers.
© 2013 mathira
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