How to tell a close friend you're in love with them

Before you say "I am in love with you . . . "

This is a subject close to my heart; pun intended. I have had to distance myself from several really special relationships over the years because the other person wanted to add a romantic/sexual element. I still miss some of these friendships terribly. There was no way the other person could/would allow us to go back to being friends once they let their true feelings be known; it changed everything. Permanently.

Don't get me wrong; I am a lover of love!! I have many friends and we tell each other we love each other all the time. Those words are followed by years of being there during the good, the bad and the ugly times. Friendship is a wonderful and necessary foundation for a solid romance. My former husband and I were best friends before, during and after our marriage!!

A long-term really close friendship does not usually turn into romance overnight, or by the uttering of "I love you." Love is less a feeling and more a process. Both parties generally begin to feel "something more" for the other and begin to flirt, make up reasons for calling, emailing, texting more often, insert encouraging comments into benign conversations, giving thoughtful gifts, etc. If none of these positive clues have been taking place, I would start there before any declarations.

Also, before telling a really close friend that I was in love with them I would take an honest inventory of myself and my motivations. Am I feeling lonely? Do I have needs that are not being met? Is their proximity in my life convenient? Is it that time in my life to couple? Am I frightened at the way the world is going? Is there a financial element?? Am I willing to risk losing the person altogether if the feelings are not mutual??

I would also consider how my really close friend might feel. Might my close friend be mad/disappointed/surprised at this shift in boundaries?? Do I genuinely believe/think/feel that my close friend wants me to say the three words that will change our relationship forever? If so, I would go for it; if I had any doubt, I would test the waters first.

"Feelings" are the result of "thoughts." I would surely take an inventory of my own thoughts to see if I am in love with someone because of the amazing qualities they possess, because of the way I feel when I am with them, or are there some nagging needs of my own that are not being met and I have told myself the other person can fill them.

Okay, this question was posted a few days ago. As the eternal optimist and hopeless romantic (in spite of my words above), I would love to hear you uttered those magical words and the other person was elated!!

Blessings, Earth Angel

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Comments 344 comments

Destiny Waddy 2 years ago

Dear Earth Angel

This really helped me because bisexual and my friend is a girl so I did it and know we go out.*I knew her for a year*


bobbybouche 3 years ago

Hello Earth Angel,

Im writing to you, to see how you see things in my position. Im in my mid thirties, and have known my friend for over 20 years. We grew up in the same circle of friends. Back in the days in our late teens to early 20's, we have partied many times, and one time as we drinking, for some reason, she was whispering to her friends and I can tell their conversation was directed towards me. A few minutes later, she started to give me an erotic lap dance for no reason. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed it! I could of taken advantage of the situation but didn't, as I was in a relationship and respected her more than that. In the end, I didn't think anymore or less of the lap dance. It did not make me feel weird of awkward towards her, and we never spoke on it until earlier this year, where she stated she was just going through her rebellious stage. Fast-forward 12 years later, I went through a divorce and as well, she broke up with her fiancé. I got divorced about 4 years ago and have had my fair share of flings, but just doesn't do it for me. These past 2 years we talk, text a lot, and we see each other at friend functions like BBQ's, Birthday parties, and such. I haven't thought anything than more or less about her other than a good friend. My Friend J, had a secret conversation at one our BBQ's last January, that I wasn't aware of. He was alluding to the fact about her and I. He noted that we have been friends for a long time, we both have a kid from our previous relationships, and noted many of our commonalities. She entertained the fact, and stated it would be a beautiful thing, but stated one person might feel weird and awkward. She also mentioned, if I pursued her, she wouldn’t stop anything. A few weeks past from the BBQ and then my friend tells me the convo her and my friend J had. My reaction, I just see her like that and as well, that idea of her and me in a romantic relationship never popped in my mind. Well my friend J did plant a seed in my head, and as I couldn’t see her as anything more than a friend, this past Valentine's Day 2012, I sent her cupcakes as a kind gesture, and as well, to try to get out of the friends zone, if I wanted to pursue her. I still saw her only as a friend, but we still talked and saw each other at friend functions. This past September, we were at a friends BBQ, and for some reason her smile got me, and something clicked in my head, “I like this girl!” So my feelings got stronger for her, even though we talked and texted constantly throughout the day. One time, I counted our texts in one day, and it reached over 150. There are times where we will text and either one of us will fall asleep. So this past December it was a boxing fight, and I prepared myself for this mentally and I asked her on a date. She told me maybe because it was a lil weird and awkward since we grew up with each other. I even went to her brothers, which are my friends as well, as asked for their blessings if I can take their sister on a date. They had no problem with giving their blessings. She told me she respects that I went to her brothers, and more importantly, respects that I put out my feelings towards her knowing it would cause weirdness and awkwardness. I did send her an Xmas gift and thanked me. I texted her Happy New Years and haven’t received a response. I waited until last Thursday and texted her “hi”. I still haven’t received a text from her yet. My friends are telling me, I dropped a big bomb on her and its gonna take awhile for her to process those feelings, and told me to not wait for her, but just go along with life, and she’ll get back to you with her decision. They told me to be patient. Not hearing from her kills me, and don’t know if she is mad at me? Maybe she is ignoring me and hoping I get the idea? But she is a confrontational person and will tell you how she feels. So I keep going back and forth with these emotions….WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS, EARTH ANGEL?


HotPink123 4 years ago

I have feelings for one of my closest friends, the thing is where the same sex & I'm afraid if I told her that I like our friendship wouldn't be the same. We see each other everyday at school so that's so harder for me. The feelings developed little by little but recently they've gotten stronger. I think I got feelings for her because were both always flirting with each other as in a playful way. Like we "got married" last year as in a joke so we were a "couple" but we were just joking. I have never had feelings for someone the same sex & especially someone that's so close to me. We have flirty conversations a lot & we talk a lot to so that probably led me on to, but I think she was just joking. I just don't have the guts to tell her, I'm so scared shes gonna see me differently & I don't want to loose her as a friend. Maybe if I start talking to someone else the feelings could go away or should I try to find out what she thinks of me that way. We always get along, were always laughing when were together & we have never disagree on things or get in fights since we've been friends which was about last year. I love her personality, idk if the feelings could of possibly gotten stronger because this past summer I barely saw her, so I missed her even more. I'm just confused. I haven't told ANYONE that I have feelings for her not even my best friend & its not because I'm embarrassed to tell someone I just don't know why I can't. At first I couldn't even admit that I had feelings for her. Please help me.


rosemarina 4 years ago

Dear Earth Angel,

I don't know whether this hub is still live and whether you will see this comment, but I wanted to share my story and say thank you for all your words of wisdom about the nature of love that I have read on this hub over the past year while I have struggled with my feelings.

My situation is that I am in love with a close male friend, let's call him B. We are both married and socialise in the same small group. I have known him and his wife for nearly 7 years, and while having always found him attractive, funny and charming, for the past 2 years I have developed much stronger feelings for him, as a result of which I have been seeing a counsellor for getting on for a year. The counsellor, together with your writing and other sources I have found on the web and in books has made me see that my infatuation with B is more to do with myself and my own emotional situation than with him.

I know from things B has said and the fact that we meet up (at his instigation) on a weekly basis to chat, that he also has some feelings for me. However, I know that he will never leave his wife and children nor would I want to destroy their happiness or that of my own family by having an affair with him (he has never suggested this).

My reason for writing this is that I have done a lot of work on myself and on improving my relationship with my husband of 25 years, but I still cannot get past my love for B. He to all outward purposes seems happy continuing our close friendship but while I want nothing more than to spend time with him, I don't know how to carry on being a close friend while having to deal with my inappropriate feelings for him. Sometimes I think I can, but at other times the urge to tell him how I really feel (which I know would be wrong) is almost overwhelming.

I would really welcome your thoughts on this.

With thanks and good wishes, Rose Marina


CB824 4 years ago

Dear Earth Angel,

I couldn't have asked for more thoughtful advice. I found it very moving to read a reply that made it feel as though I was completely understood. Thank you for this and for the time and thought you've put into this.

My friend and I have been in contact since this post. Things are a bit distant but I know she cares very much for me and wants us both to move past this. I have had such mixed feelings about everything, namely the awkwardness, but your post brought so much perspective. What particularly struck me is your advice to "be a true friend" as well as "true to myself." These are not contrary to each other and for some reason perhaps I have set them up to be in my head.

At first, when I told her, I expected the worst and was prepared for it because of the number of years that have passed. Now that I know how she feels, I feel like I am better equipped to let go. With time and distance, I also feel ready and prepared to be a true friend or at least give it my best shot.

In assessing this situation, I feel one thing I need to be more appreciative of is how our friendship is something special. I know for the most part, aside from all this, we both bring positive energy into each other's lives. She is a very genuine and caring friend. You are right in saying that my first choice would be to find that balance between being a true friend and being true to myself. I think this will ultimately lead to the greatest and truest happiness for us both.

I am ready to let go and to meet others who I can have a more reciprocal relationship with and I will be sure to keep in mind your advice regarding this. I hope I can do this without jeopardizing our relationship any further and am confident that I will be able to.

Finally, I want you to know that I especially found your post moving because your advice is in line with my own value system. You have provided insight that I have had so much trouble accessing myself. Thank you sincerely for your guidance and your thoughtful perspective. I am very grateful.


Earth Angel profile image

Earth Angel 4 years ago Author

Dearest CB824,

My sincere apologies for missing your post. Thank you for contacting me through other channels so that we may connect.

My heart aches when two good and loving souls seem to be on different pages.

You wrote that your feelings began about ten years ago and that it was the first time you felt so strongly about someone of the same sex. Over the last decade have you been attracted to anyone else of the same sex?? Has she??

I think it would be very difficult to let go of a first love, especially one that revealed parts of ourselves to ourselves we didn't know existed. A relationship that means the world to us because of its significance in revelation may only be one of many to the other.

The friendship between you both has great value, I would urge you not to discount it ~ or to jeopardize it. There is no "unringing" a bell. Make sure when you say/share something you are sure you are ready for the consequences ~ no matter what they may be.

You've made your feelings known and unfortunately she does not feel the same kind of love toward your relationship at this time. That does not mean she does not love you dearly ~ It just means not in the same way.

Same sex romantic relationships face the same issues as all relationships; is this person right for me? Am I trying to hide something from myself or others? Can I fully be myself with this other person? Do we share the same values in life? Are we on the same page on most issues?? Is it this "person" that has my affections or what I think this person represents that I am in love with?

Many of the questions/comments I receive are from those looking for definitive answers ~ where there are none. Most of the time, if a romantic relationship is even a slight possibility, the person really wants to make it happen. But there are no guarantees and most people don't want to lose the friendship.

You've been friends for ten years. Chances all you will be friends but not lovers.

I think you answered your own question in your last paragraph. If you can remain a true friend while still being open to finding true love, that would be the first choice. If you are kind of using the hopes of a romantic relationship for safety ~ you'll need to step away.

Just know that no one will measure up to your dear friend in the beginning. That's because you have ten years of history with one person and maybe ten minutes or ten days with another.

Don't worry too much about the reciprocation of feelings thing ~ Just be your genuine, authentic, loving self in all situations. Your beam of light will attract the same.

Please let me know what you think/feel/intuit?

I send you blessings of love, light and clarity,

Earth Angel


Earth Angel profile image

Earth Angel 4 years ago Author

Blessings to you M,

I always appreciate people contacting me with concerns and questions. It's hard to give advice when there are so many missing pieces yet I do my best to share insights with those who are searching with a sincere and open heart.

Three years ago in college you were sophomores; does that mean you have all graduated?? Are you able to work in your chosen fields?? Are any of you going on to graduate school?? The reason I ask is that would make you all about your early to mid-twenties ~ and many of the things you have written sound a bit younger??

It sounds to me like the two of you share a good, fun and mutual friendship. Filling a void is not a good motivation for having a romance. If romance was in the cards for the two of you it probably would have already surfaced.

Your worlds also sound a bit different. Cheerleading is highly disciplined, athletic and extroverted. And expensive. Her grandmother left her a house. Hanging with friends, teasing, texting, drinking, harsh language, rooming, etc. might be stellar for a friendship but it might not be as enticing in a potential romance.

I think that may be were many relationships get off track. One person thinks the fun friendship is a good basis to move forward while the other thinks in terms of the future, potential, responsibility, maturity, financial stability and eventually marriage, etc.

I'm reminded of an old saying that goes something like, "There is the 'have a good time' kind ~ and then there is the 'marrying' kind." One was great fun, the other you'd be proud to take home and introduce to your parents. The idea is for all of us to possess a bit of both. Ask yourself which one you have presented yourself as??

I think you need to honor and respect the friendship you have with each other. And you should stop contacting her when you've had a few too many ~ it clouds one's judgment.

Please keep me posted.

Blessings Always, Earth Angel


CB824 4 years ago

Dear Earth Angel,

Thanks for this insight. I had been in love with my best friend for nearly a decade. I never said anything because it all started when I was in college and I didn't really understand my feelings. I also didn't say anything because I am also a girl - it was the first time I had ever felt so strongly for someone and also the first time I ever realized that I could be attracted to someone of the same gender. I knew she would never reciprocate, and I didn't want to ruin our friendship. I suspect she had an idea of how I felt because of how close we are, even though I tried not to show it. It took ten years for me to realize though that not saying anything and not confronting the issue was taking a toll on me and our friendship.

I thought I'd get over it and would always tell myself that there is no way she felt the same way. I also didn't want to say anything because I was much more emotionally attached to her than physically - the extent of my physical desires were just to manifest how I felt emotionally. But year after year, I increasingly wanted to express my feelings I had because they were so real. Recently though, she began seeing somoene, and although they were not exclusive, I realized that I was being delusional and that my uncommunicated feelings were becoming somewhat annoying to her too. It became clear that since she began seeing this other person, she didn't like how close I felt to her. Perhaps this is something she's always felt, but it recently became much more apparent to me. My sensitivity to her reactions to my affection made me also realize that my feelings for her had not subsided.

After thinking about it for several months, I finally worked up the courage to tell her that I needed to stop being in contact for a while. I didn't want her to feel like she was at fault in anyway, so I told her the truth about why I needed some space. She didn't seem too surprised, and said she understood but that she still wanted to be friends. She said that she needed some time and that she knew I would too but that she hoped we could continue our friendship.

It's been five months and I miss her very much. The thing is that I want to be friends, but I want to make sure that I am in the right frame of mind and that my stronger feelings go away so I don't jeopardize our friendship any further. I feel so guilty that I developed these feelings though I'm not entirely sure why, and I also feel as though I've let her down. At the same time, I feel like I needed to tell her for myself as well.

My difficulty is that I don't know how to still be friends and if we should? What level of feelings are appropriate for a close friendship like ours (not just in the romantic sense but in how much I care and think about her too). I want to be there for her but I dont want to make things weird or make her uncomfortable.

Another reason I decided to tell her is because I think subconsciously I used my feelings for her as an excuse not to put myself out there. I would always try and meet people, but I have yet to feel as strongly about anyone else as I do about her. My fear is that in resuming our friendship, I am inadvertently closing myself off emotionally to others.

What would you suggest someone in my position do? I don't want to lose a decade long friendship with someone who I genuinely love (in every sense of the word), but in keeping my friendship, I also want to be sure to give myself a fair chance of finding someone who can reciprocate my feelings. How do I do this? Thank you in advance for your insight!


Earth Angel profile image

Earth Angel 4 years ago Author

Dearest Jimbo2010, Our versions and expectations of LOVE can be so exhausting and so cumbersome . . . I am sorry that this wonderful and long lasting friendship has not blossomed into something more over the years . . .

Some people find distance daunting and would never consider having a relationship with someone as far as the next town . . . As for me, I have never thought being on the other side of world would inhibit love to flourish . . .

I too, have been blessed with many dear friend relationships that have lasted decades . . . I cherish each and every one . . . Yet not a one of them is romantic in any way in my mind/heart . . . I would be heart-sick if any of them had to be limited because one of them started to get romantic inclinations . . . I pray none of them ever do . . .

My first advice always is to take a rigerous inventory of why your feelings are sufacing now . . . Why not ten years ago?? Why not ten years from now??

More than likely there is something going on in your life, a hollow place of some sort, that is causing these feelings to arise . . . That have nothing to do with your beloved . . .

Ask yourself honestly: If my life felt completely whole at this time, I would I still feel the same way?

If the answer is no (and it is no almost 99% of the time) then really give yourself some credit and some time for personal reflection and introspection . . .

If you do feel your life is rich and full and complete and in balance than consider the follow . . .

If the direct approach with your beloved seems a bit too forward, and risky, there is nothing wrong with trying something that gives you both room to back up a bit . . .

Letting the other person know she appreared in a dream where you were a couple is always a safe way to open a sensitive dialog . . . Talking about having kids (or more kids) or not having kids is also usually safe . . . Both your answers may be quite telling to the other . . . Talking about long-distance relationships could give you clues as to her mind-heart-set . . .

Most of the time my advice is don't risk losing the friendship . . . "You cannot unring a bell . . ."

Please keep me posted as this lovely connection unfolds . . . Either friendship or romance, you are fortunate to have each other . . .

Blessings of insight always . . . Earth Angel . . .


huntikonmove 4 years ago

Dear Earth Angel,

Thanks for your quick response and Happy new Year to you too. I don't understand what you are suggesting. I am in this dilemma where I can't see anything clearly. 'Y' is still a good friend, but I don't have those feelings for her anymore. And 'X' is someone whose friendship is too important to risk. The thing is, I don't know whether 'X' considers me a just a good friend or she considers me something more. If it's the latter, I am willing to take the risk but can't do it unless I am sure of what she feels. I might be just a friend for her and may be she is the same towards all her male friends, I don't know. And this is why I am confused.


jimbo2010 4 years ago

I have a friend of the opposite sex I have known for 20 years (I am 42). I have always found her attractive but apart from 2 years we have never lived in the same city and in those 2 years she was going out with a friend for most of the time. We were at college together.

We have kept in touch by email and very occasional meetings and phone calls. We hardly ever see each other yet Ive been getting really strong romantic thought about her and I dont know what to do. She is single at the moment and no kids. I have hinted I like her but not too much. Should I risk it? I would be devestated if she decided that we couldn't be friends.


Earth Angel profile image

Earth Angel 4 years ago Author

Dearest huntikonmove . . .

Blessings and Namaste to you and yours this Happy New Year . . . Thank you for taking the time to share your feelings, thoughts and concerns about "X" and "Y" . . .

I am sorry your heart is in such a quandry . . . What is often clear to others can baffle us who are in the middle of confusing feelings . . .

My heart receives every inquiry for help seriously ~ even though some appear on the surface to be more ernest or more shallow than others, that is a judgement I suspend in honor of those who are truly suffering . . .

I also realize there can be huge cultural gaps in what each of us considers the "norm" . . .

My first advice huntikonmove would be to go back and read the words you wrote less than 3 hours ago . . . Do you see any inconsistencies in your writing . . .??

If you were a stranger reading your comment for the first time, would you have unanswered questions by the time you came to the end . . . ??

For now, with the information you have shared, I would suggest waiting before taking the next step . . . No one can answer the questions you posed except your Wise Self inside you . . . But I don't think it was your true Wise Self that was at the keyboard earlier . . .

My intuition says you know the answer(s) . . . What would your Wise Self advise . . . ??

Please keep me posted . . . I would LOVE to hear a Love Story with a happy ending . . . It's just too often we skip some important steps during the happy beginning . . .

I look forward to hearing from you again huntikonmove . . .

Blessings always, Earth Angel . . .

P.S. Welcome to HubPages . . .


huntikonmove 4 years ago

Hi all,

I have been friends with a girl for past four years.Let's call her 'X'. The thing is, I had loved a classmate from school, let's call her 'Y'. 'X' helped me in few things about that, but when I proposed in 2010 dec, I got to know 'Y' was in love with someone else, so I just chose to remain friends with 'Y' and move on. I have been friends with 'X' since the start of my college but she left the school I was in in 2003. SO basically, I had never met her until in october 2010. We chatted or texted occasionally but since past one year,this has been regular. Either she texts me or pings me due to some reason or I do, then our conversation goes on for at least 45-60 minutes. After that incident with "Y", I didn't want to get into someone fast, so talked about other girls with her, who looks good and all and still do that, she doesn't mind that at all. sometimes we do talk on phone, buts that very rare, though the talks go on for an hour or so here as well. Last month,we went for a movie too, a hindi one. and again went on a kind of leaisure walk few days after. there, just to know, I suggested her that let's be boyfriend and girlfriend. It was said jokingly because I always flirt with her, so she was negative in reply. Clearly, that might have indicated to her that I like her. I didn't make another move after that, but our talks on sms and chats continue. She is my best friend and the thing is that I can't hide anything from her. She also tells me most of the things that happen in her life. We haven't talked too much about our personal details or likings, but just day to day activities. Now, I think that, if there is someone I would like to spend my life with her, that would be 'X' because she is my best friend. I can be 'me' with her and we can share our laughs just as we do. Nothing could be better. But the trouble is, first, I don't know what she feels. Second, I don't feel that strongly for her as I felt for 'Y' and I don't want her to be comparing my feelings(also I am not interested in anyone else,I just joke around with 'X' abt other girls but have never approached them and she knows that). Third, I am scared that even if we get together, and god-forbids things don't work out between us, I will lose an irreplaceable friend.

SO what should I do, just stay as we are and wonder how things could be in future, make the move, or try and wait till my feelings get stronger for her?


Earth Angel profile image

Earth Angel 4 years ago Author

Dearest "janesmith19" . . "When you are ready to ease your pain . . . "

Of course I remember . . . My heart is sincerely with all who come to this Hub seeking advice or solice or support or just a soft place to fall . . .

I am so sorry that things did not work out more romantically with your beloved . . . Our heart's break when the dreams we have with another are not made manifest in this realm . . .

We all change . . . And some of our stages of growth are more attractive than others . . . Some are downright unattractive . . . It is hard, but with wisdom, we can continue to love those who have disappointed us . . . If even from afar . . .

My experience has been that soul mates, those who touch us on profound soul-levels, are not the best life~long mates . . . they are the ones who teach us the best life~long lessons . . .

When you are ready to ease your pain . . . First look at your dreams and expectations and hopes with another . . . It is our attachment to those dreams that cause us suffering . . . Let the attachment go, and the pain leaves with it . . .

Silently, in your heart, thank your beloved for the mirror she has been in seeing yourself better . . . Give thanks to yourself that you were able to provide a mirror to someone else in their growth . . .

When you are ready, let your heart unfold even wider . . . And that special someone for you will be there waiting . . . They've been there all along . . .

Blessings of Thanks~Living in this Season of Gratitude . . .

Earth Angel . . .


janesmith19 4 years ago

Hello Earth Angel... I doubt you remember me, but almost a year ago I asked you what to do about my best friend who was also a woman that I was completely in love with. I need to vent somewhere and here is the safest place to do it. I'll just fill you in on what you've missed.

Things were going great for a while, we were texting back and forth and eventually webcamming every night, trying to catch up on lost time. She would tell me how she missed me so much it hurt and how she couldn't sleep without me there or she would cry to herself at night because I was gone. One day it just stopped. I hadn't heard from her in a while, so I checked on her facebook. She was dating a guy (and a total sleaze to boot) which I think to this day she did to make me jealous. She would always tell me about the details, not in a best friends way but in a spiteful way. It hurt like hell. Eventually they broke up because he was an abusive prick, but she would never let me comfort her and instead would avoid any questions that I asked about her feelings.

More recently, she came to visit me for a weekend for my birthday. That was in October. I don't think I'll see her in person again. We're not friends anymore, she's a completely different person. When she was here, I could tell she was really trying to be the same. She held hands with me in the park and we did everything we did that one fateful summer where we were almost together (cuddling, walking on the beach at night, etc). At night, she told me all the gritty details about her ex and how she was bi and had been experimenting. She said she wanted to be with a girl who actually cared about her, and had she said this her nose was touching mine. We were so close, but this new woman was not the one I fell in love with. I rolled over and went to sleep.

I miss her terribly. I haven't spoken to her since that night. But I know she's different now and I can't change that- I've missed my chance. She broke my heart. My soul mate is gone, and everything feels so empty.


Shahe Asekeen profile image

Shahe Asekeen 4 years ago from Bangladesh

Nice suggestion!


Joeyzoom profile image

Joeyzoom 4 years ago

Earth Angel,

You have NO idea how grateful I am for that reply. Everything you say makes perfect sense - and I concur completely.

At this point, my heart is still so sore from the loss of the friendship and bond, the loss of my soulmate. It seems a cruel twist of fate/ to allow two hearts to travel on such different roads - the pain of unrequited love is a pain I would not wish on my worst enemy.

That being said, I sadly could not do the things you mentioned herein - honoring him in another relationship at this point makes me ill to think about. I do hope one day I get over this, I truly do -bjt if I do not, I will always treasure the years we had together.

I wish there was a love potion nnumber9! My life has been so different without him in it, though I was starting to heal and move on until his recent contact - seems I am not the only one who can not let go.

One day I will love someone who can return every ounce of that which I give....


Earth Angel profile image

Earth Angel 4 years ago Author

Dearest JoeyZoom . . . Thank you for your comment and your email . . . My heart is with you . . . There are tears in my eyes after reading what you wrote . . . I can feel your intense pain . . . Thank you for reaching out . . .

Your decision about cutting off or allowing your beloved to be in your life has really little to do with him . . . It may be still too raw after a year to look at or feel the root of your suffering . . . Yet it would go far toward easing both your pain . . .

I have many, many "difficult" realtionships in my life . . . And when I am not fully conscious, they can cause me great pain . . . Not by anything they are doing ~ they are on completely separate wave lengths than I am . . . They are just "doing their thing and being who they are" . . .

It's me who has a hard time with their behaviors or their choices . . . In my case, it's usually because someone else wants romance in our relationship and I can only offer friendship . . . .

Surely I would have allowed these relationships to pass out of my immediate circle ~ as I have many. . . Except with the ones that remain, the love is very real . . .

Yet it's not love in a romantic, physical way at all . . . I would consider several of us soul mates; I know they do . . .

First we might want to "try" to define soul mates . . . A very loaded phrase . . . Personally, I do think/feel we have soul mates, many more than one, those we have cherished on many planes through many eons . . .

If we are able to connect with one (or more) then we might be wise to cherish the connection, but not contaminate it by earthy trivialities . . .

Second we might want to "try" to define LOVE . . . Sometimes it's easier to look at what love is NOT . . . Love is NOT possessive, it does NOT cause pain or suffering . . . Love is NOT blind . . . Love does NOT go away because of time or distance or involvement with someone else . . .

Third, is there really enough LOVE in the world?? My answer is always a resounding "NO" . . . So if love makes itself known, I welcome it . . . I do not try and nail it down . . .

One explanation to what happens to us while living on Mother Earth is we forget . . . We forget Love and how Divine and essential it is to our very existence . . . Maybe that's part of our lesson ~ to remember . . .

In our forgetfulness we lust after another . . . We want exclusive rights to another . . . We want to possess the other . . . We want to control their actions . . . We want their total commitment to us while we still shelter our hearts a bit . . . Look at the media, we are "conditioned" that way . . .

"Conditioning" sells products . . . True Love does not . . . That's why there are so few examples of it for us to model . . . We all fall asleep and into the lure of a dream that is not real . . .

The sad thing is, what is real, is a thousand times better than any commercial version of a dream . . .

Only you can answer the question about connecting or not connecting to your beloved . . . For me, I try to encourage and grow LOVE of all kinds where ever I am and with every one . . . The more possessive, unreal, "filled with expectation" kind I bless on its way . . .

Can you have your beloved in your life and honor, not resist, your different wave lengths?? If not, work on your own heart until you can . . .

Can you have your beloved in your life and honor him in another relationship and truly feel happy for him?? If not, work on your own heart until you can . . .

Can you have your beloved in your life and honor him without feeling possessive or wishing things were any different than they are?? If not, work on your own heart until you can . . .

You have this kind of discernment and wisdom Joey, I can read it in both your writings . . .

Please let me know if any of this resonates with you . . . My heart is always open to those truly seeking to awaken to LOVE . . .

Blessings Always, Earth Angel . . .


Joeyzoom profile image

Joeyzoom 4 years ago

Earth Angel, I realize this thread is a bit older - but it hit me so close to the heart, that I even sent you a private message.

I let go of my best friend last year, because of my deep love for him which was sadly not openly reciprocated. It became unhealthy for me to keep him in my life, and as a result, I let him go - it was an agonzing choice; but, over the year, I healed quite a bit and moved forward (not moved on, notice - but forward).

Now, a year later, he contacts me saying he has not been the same since I left his life, and wants me back in his life. I explained that while I will love him until the day I leave this earth, nothing has changed - and that this would not be a feasible thing for me. My question is - have I made the right choice? I firmly believe we are soulmates, so does he - but our hearts are on 2 different wavelengths, and the pain of that realization is just too real.

Any advice from you would be so much appreciated. Thank you Earth Angel!


Earth Angel profile image

Earth Angel 5 years ago Author

"Hello EarthAngel... I am rooted with earth and my passion is fire... I just found my fire and cannot see her face and feel really lost.... please help me... i cant find a way :/ "

(Earth Angel just received the above comment from someone asking for help . . .)

I am so very sorry that you are feeling such separation from your beloved . . . Take a deep breath . . . Again . . . Separation is not fatal . . . Although it often feels that way . . .

Someone once said that the true nature of love is to feel that no one before or after will feel the same way about another . . .

Love does often feel like a burning flame . . . Drawn to the light we feel as we get closer the heat . . .

There is a fine line between genuinely loving someone and obsession . . . Often hard to tell the difference in the heat of the moment . . .

Are you separated by just the "afternoon" or by "oceans?" Did you "just meet" or have been connected for years? Let me know how I may be of more help . . .

My thoughts are with you and hopes for a speedy reunion . . .

Blessings Always, Earth Angel . . .


nodnalwe 5 years ago

I have had this best friend for nearly 20 years (i am 24) and I have always had crushes on her on and off but its never been a big deal (she has always known). Basically one of us was always in a relationship so thats why it was never a big deal. Well we are older now and both single (althought I just moved away for a year).

My feelings for her grew so much the last 2 months. We were in the same place both single and spent all of our time together. We almost kissed once and we talked about stuff like that a few times but sort of in a joking way. The real problem is that her twin brother has also been my best friend for the same amount of time. Well after I moved I told her that I really wanted to try to make it more than a friendship when I return. She told me that it was a bad idea since we have known each other for so long and her brother would so not approve.

Anyway it's been eating at me and I feel like it's going to ruin or friendship (my feelings). She will probably find another boyfriend between now and when I return and I will have trouble being her friend now. I really feel like i could marry this girl. We know we love each other and we know each other better than anyone.

Should i pursue this more or should i try to forget her and hope I find someone else between now and then. I feel like this is the most important women I have ever met in my life and if I give up than I'm throwing away what would make us both happiest in the long run.


chuck 5 years ago

here's my story met a girl online, we dated went out for a few weeks then an old lover came back and she fell for him or was never over him. she wanted to remain friends and has given me hints that there could be more for us in the future someday. my feelings are quite strong for her as we have been friends now for four months and good friends, its hard for me to watch her go out with these other guys because they all cheat on her and i bring up every once in a while that we should get back together, she brushes it aside and says not right now and that she believes relationships should start out as a friendship. i personally believe that is why we didn't stay together in an intimate relationship for long because she didn't know me nearly as well as she does now and vice versa. why does she insist on waiting longer?


Diva Dee 5 years ago

I am 41yrs old and my best friend happens to be a 25 years old guy. He's very thoughtful, caring, and very mature for his age. Not to mention dropped dead gorgeous! But not stuck on hisself like most men his age are. We spend a lot of time together and have a lot of fun. I was in a relationship that ended very badley over a year ago. My ex boyfriend told me he got his ex girlfriend pregnant while I was in the hospital fighting for my life. He left town while I was there. My best friend has been a great friend helping through the mistrust I now have for men. He also has repaired some of the damaged that has been done. He shows me that all men are not self centered dogs! I've been knowing him since 2007, but lately, I've been fantasizing about him but I am scared to death to tell him I've fallen for him. I'm very scared of rejection. I've been so emotionally damaged, that I can't even tell if I should tell him or not. WHAT SHOULD I DO! THIS IS TEARING


Diva Dee 5 years ago

I am 41yrs old and my best friend happens to be a 25 year old guy. He's very thoughtful, caring, and very mature for his age. Not to mention dropped dead gorgeous! But not stuck on hisself like most men his age are. We spend a lot of time togeher and have a lot of fun. I was in a relationship that ended very badley over a year ago. My ex boyfriend told me he got his ex girlfriend pregnant while I was in the hospital fighting for my life. He left town while I was there. He has been a great friend helping through the mistrust I now have for men. But lately, I've been fantasizing about him but I am scared to death to tell him I've fallen for him. I'm very scared of rejection. I've been so emotionally damaged, that I can't even tell if I should tell him or not. WHAT SHOULD I DO! THIS IS TEARING ME APART!!!!


Anna 5 years ago

Earth Angel,

I have always had feelings for a close friend. We have previously kissed (whilst we were still at school).. and nothing has gone any further. We spend lots of time together and enjoy each others company. We laugh together all the time. I've recently been wondering if he could be 'the one'... like has been mentioned previously, i don't want to ruin what we have!

He has also cheated on his previous partners a lot.. which we have talked about. He says he doesn't 'want' to cheat, but he's not found someone he really likes yet, and it has always seemed the easiest way (bearing in mind that his previous girlfriends have also cheated on him). He says he wants to find someone that helps him to change. We have all the same social circles and mutual close friends... and i'm genuinly not convinced he would cheat on me, as he has been there through many personal things with myself that i know he wouldn't risk it.

I just need some advice on whether or not i should tell him, or leave it as we are and just accept that i will always have feelings for him.

Also, if i did decide to tell him, what would be the best way to do it?

I hope you can help!

Anna


Earth Angel profile image

Earth Angel 5 years ago Author

Dearest Jay . . .

Our attractions to others can be so confounding at times . . . so confusing . . . and painful both when we are close to them and when we are not . . .

Just know that Love does not contain any of these things . . . Attraction, desire, the need to bond . . . wanting, as well as distancing and fear of rejection . . . All of these hold the root of suffering for our hearts . . . Not Love . . .

As best friends a natural feeling would be that you want each other to be deliciously happy . . . I think we spend most of our lives trying to figure out for ourselves what truly does make our hearts sing . . .

It changes . . . often . . .

You mention in your four-year relationship you have both had connections with other people . . . It's all about finding our way back to ourselves, our source, actually . . . Relationships are about mirroring back our unhealed selves . . .

The closer we get to being whole again, to a healed fully awakened self, the closer we get to knowing what has profound unwavering meaning in our lives . . .

To me, the difference between "being friendly" and "flirting" is an overt sexual undertone . . . I am a very friendly, affectionate, touchy-feel-good person . . . But none of it is sexual . . .

My behaviors have, however, been misinterpreted by those who long to be in my bed . . . And it was devastating to me, after trying to get back to our cherished friendship, to have to end those . . . "You can't un-ring a bell" . . . That is why I wrote this Hub . . .

Yes, there are many ways to "test the waters" to see if your feelings of hopeful intimacy are shared . . . I have written hundreds of suggestions up above in the comments section over the years . . . "I had a dream we were together, what do you think that means?" . . . "So and so said they thought we made a nice couple, has anyone said that to you?" . . . Try to gently hold her hand while walking and see if holds yours back or she pulls away . . . Go to a romantic movie where in the story-line friends become lovers and then talk about it afterward . . . Have her read this Hub and then talk about it . . .

Whatever she says MUST be respected . . .

My intuition, and yours I suspect, is that after four years you both would know if romance is in the stars for you as a couple . . . Please do not discount the enormous value of friendships . . . Lovers come and go . . . Friendships with true depth can last a lifetime . . .

Please let me know how this unfolds for the two of you . . . I appreciate your sharing and openness . . .

Blessings always, Earth Angel . . .

(Happiness is different from contentment . . . )


Jay 5 years ago

Hello Earth Angel,

I have been, what I would call, in love with my best friend for the last 4 years and I honestly cannot see these feelings ever subsiding. I have tried to put them behind me and have been in a few other realtionships but have had to break them off because I felt they were becoming too serious and I couldn't carry on knowing that I didn't love them. I have also tried to distance myself from my best friend but I always end up feeling worse without her than I do having to listen to her talk about men she likes. She has told me on many occasions that she is straight but she seems to flirt with me often and a few months ago we were alone in a room and she told me, rather seriously, that she only wanted to make me happy. I don't know if I'm misreading these signs but I'd like to hope I'm not. Is there any way I could test the waters? Maybe something I could say or do that I could still cover up as friendly if she seemed horrified?


Earth Angel profile image

Earth Angel 5 years ago Author

Blessings Tashi . . .

Often, our feelings and enthusiasm for another plus our hopefulness that they share the same in return, cloud our ability to see clearly the predicament we put them in . . .

This is when we know our feelings of attraction for them are real . . . and as for Love, that is still in infancy stage . . .

Love never surprises or tricks or corners or limits another person . . . Love is more like a rose . . . . Under the right conditions and with patience, the petals unfold into something of great beauty . . .

Allow her to share her feelings . . . or not ~ she may choose to ignore . . . As I caution above, "a bell cannot be unrung . . ."

I am still holding warm thoughts that the two of you have the kind of connection that will keep you close . . . and maybe closer . . .

Blessings always, Earth Angel . . .


Tashi 5 years ago

Hi

Your are correct, i feel i may have gone down the wrong road. never thought of this.

i will advise the out come

Blessings Earth Angel


Earth Angel profile image

Earth Angel 5 years ago Author

Blessings Tashi . . .

I will keep good thoughts that over the weekend she will get a chance to process what you have shared with her . . . I hope it goes well and that she shares your same feelings . . .

Do not be surprised if she feels that you "tricked" her in some way . . . I hope not . . . I will keep good thoughts . . .

Blessings to you Tashi . . . Earth Angel . . .


Tashi 5 years ago

Hi Earth Angel.

i have told her, but i have taken a discreat approach, I am now leaving my job so i had to tell her soon. i told her that i was in love with some one at work but needed advice on what the person might react, she said if the person was a tru friend, you would never lose the friend, i then told her what i wanted, i did not get a response. so it may have backfired, damn, but i will know more on monday. i will keep you posted.

thanks and blessings for your help


Earth Angel profile image

Earth Angel 5 years ago Author

Blessings of love and light to you Starfish . . .

You sound/read much less overwhelmed in your comment above . . . That is always good . . . None of us ever makes good decisions until we can get our anxiety down to a manageable level . . . And it's tough to do when our heart is in a quandary . . .

There is nothing wrong with gently bringing up the subject with your best friend . . .

"Someone's asked me if we were a couple . . . has anyone ever asked you that? . . . What did you say? . . ."

"I had a dream we were kind of a couple . . . have you ever had a dream like that? . . . "

"I think best friends make the best couples; what do you think? . . ."

"If I ever started having really special feelings for you, should I keep them to myself or share them with you? . . . "

"Lately I've noticed I want to look a bit nicer when I know we are going to see each other, what do you think of that? . . . "

Something simple and non-threatening . . . We are all trying to find our way in the world, figure out what works for us and what doesn't, and we all deserve the amount of time it takes . . .

You may be ready and he may not be ready . . . Both are valid . . . But in any relationship, friendship, romance, marriage, etc. it only takes ONE to say NO (or not now) and that must be respected . . .

So when approaching the subject of taking a friendship to the next level, it is good to keep it light and allow both parties plenty of space to retreat or move forward in their own time . . .

Please keep me posted . . . I think you have more insight than you know . . .

Blessings always, Earth Angel . . .


starfish 5 years ago

First allow me to thank you for your guidance it is very much appreciated. You are right I did fail to mention the things he has done for me like recently i had a few problems with the ex and he was the one who jumped in to protect me and i get confused because he is not the type of guy that is obvious about how he feels he keeps his emotions close to his chest and yet saying that sometimes when we are out he clings to me and if girls try to talk to him to show they are interested in him he normally has no interest or at least shows no interest when i am there. he never used to be like this around me plus he his mum has mentioned how fond of me he is but i can not help but wonder if this is a case of him trying to show he is interested or if he is being nothing but a good friend. thank you for your advice on this matter Earth Angel it is a great comfort to know there people like yourself who are willing to give advice that actually makes sense.


Earth Angel profile image

Earth Angel 5 years ago Author

Blessings to you Starfish,

Darling name and probably pretty accurate according to your writing . . . A starfish can survive under water and above water for a time . . . You may be feeling a bit over your head at the moment . . .

One of the reasons I wrote this Hub was to encourage people to really honor the friendships that they have . . . In our pursuit of romance, we often overlook how really genuine and sacred our friendships are . . . Friendships in life are sooooooooooooo much more important than our romantic connections . . .

You mention all the things you do for him, but not anything that he does for you . . . ? Is this a reciprocal friendship?

It kind of sounds more like you are his "fan" . . . He has needs and you are happy to fulfill them . . . Yet you feel he is completely unaware of your feelings . . . This all seems a bit one-sided . . . ?

I know a lot of young women who knock themselves out for a guy, and the guy lets them . . . He never makes false promises . . . Never tries to take advantage during sleep-overs . . . But he isn't really "invested" in how his admirer feels either . . .

These young women, time and again, act as kind of "place cards" keeping their best friend happy and until he meets "the one" . . . Once he becomes obsessed with his new found love, he rarely understands why his best friend doesn't share his enthusiasm . . .

If you have a genuine two-way friendship then honor that . . . You would have known by now if he has romantic inclinations toward you . . .

At the same time, don't let yourself be a "place card" by taking care of someone's needs and wants who is not that into your needs and wants . . .

It sounds/reads like you have a lot to offer a really special person . . . Don't sell yourself short . . . Enjoy your friendship . . . Don't continue to spoil him unless it becomes more reciprocal . . . And look for someone who appreciates you and is in tune with your needs and wants as well . . .

Does any of that resonate with you? . . . Please let me know . . .

I send you my best for warm waters and smooth sailing . . . Blessings always, Earth Angel . . .


Earth Angel profile image

Earth Angel 5 years ago Author

Dearest old wise soul LostInThought . . .

I too, was in an accident long ago and in recovery for nearly two years afterward . . . It does mature one's perspective . . .

At the time it was very challenging . . . In hindsight it was one of life's gifts that came wrapped in a black box . . .

Like you, my appreciation for life and loved ones multiplied . . . The colors of life became more vivid . . . The music more poignant . . . The fragrance of life flowers intoxicating . . . Rumi, the ancient poet and I spoke the same language . . .

In Kriya Yoga there is a saying, "too soon to tell . . ." and it is used each time we make a judgement about anything good or bad . . .

A modern day example would be someone who wins the lottery and everyone congratulates them on their good fortune . . . "Too soon to tell . . . " A year later they are broke and alienated from their loved ones . . . "Too soon to tell . . . " The small part of the lottery winnings that had been donated to charity helps save someone's life . . . "Too soon to tell . . . " The person whose life was saved accidentally hits and kills five people including a pregnant mother . . . "Too soon to tell . . ." The organs donated help save 65 others . . .

We have all be witness to, and part of, stories that seem good one minute and go bad, and vice versa . . . It is human conditioning that makes us judge individual situations as good and bad . . .

The truth is, all events just like all people and all energy is connected . . . We make judgements based on a snapshot in time instead of waiting for the entire movie to play out . . .

When we have come close to losing our lives, we have more appreciation for it . . . And that appreciation is especially strong for love, feeling love for another and feeling loved by them . . .

You have a really special connection with each other . . . It's not going to go away overnight . . .

Continue with your studies . . . Have fun and do not cut yourself off socially from friends . . . Take seriously the commitment he has made to the military . . . We owe our men (and women) in service huge gratitude . . . Don't be caught off guard if the ex- surfaces again . . .

As your wise self mentioned above, let things settle down in both your lives . . . Continue to be there for each other . . . Give him as much love and support as possible as his best friend . . . Trust your connection . . . and honor the boundaries . . .

Thank you and blessings for sharing your heartfelt thoughts . . . Please let me know how I may continue to be of service . . .

Blessings always, Earth Angel . . .


LostInThought 5 years ago

Thank you for taking the time to respond it is greatly appreciated.

You are correct my friendship is so rare and I am thankful everyday for being blessed with this amazing relationship.

My accident was almost a year ago and I am mostly healed, I still have therapy to try an get back into shape but so far all is well. The experience has broadened my horizons and opened my eyes to the more important things in life. I say all the time I started that day 18 years old and ended it with a 80 year old soul. I take nothing for granted now and cherish every moment of life which is why I caution myself with this love. My friendship is so important that I would rather keep to myself about my feelings if there was a chance of losing him in my life.

He is in for 4 years as of now but is strongly considering making this a career. I grew up with both of my parents in the army so I understand the distance but it still is hard on relationships.

His ex was with him for the end of his senior year up until he left and then they got back together again at the beginning of last year. Their relationship was, in my eyes, unhealthy. She cheated on him and although many people told him about it he never wanted to believe it and blamed himself for ruining the relationship because of the distance between them. I was always there for him when they were going through rough patches and told him that as long as he was happy he should do what's in his heart and not what others want him to do. It broke my heart that someone would do something like that to such an amazing guy. He didn't deserve that at all.

It's amazing that you suggested that. I do write, to him, and to myself, and just in general. It is an amazing way to get all of my thoughts and feelings out without having to tell someone else or him. I started a notebook when he left for basic training and have on and off written in it to get my thoughts out. I believe in time I will come to an understanding of what all my feelings mean. Also I think I might go back and read all of the letters that I have written. I think once things settle down in both of our lives we might be able to have a conversation about our feeling for each other and where they might take us in the future. I just need to figure out how to have that conversation openly and honestly.

I thank you for your time, thoughts, and prayers always...


Earth Angel profile image

Earth Angel 5 years ago Author

Blessings of love, light and healing to you LostInThought . . .

Only by chance did I happen on the computer a few moments ago . . . And I only have a few moments before rushing out the door so this will be brief . . .

I am so glad you are giving your feelings, and his, careful consideration . . . It sounds like you have a wonderful, strong, special, enduring, sacred friendship/relationship . . . Please honor and appreciate that for it is rare and truly a gift from the heart . . .

I am so sorry about your accident . . . Have you healed completely? I will say a prayer that whatever scars, internal or external, will heal with grace . . .

I am also so sorry there is this military distance between you . . . When will his service end? Or is he career military?

You mention a previous girlfriend in passing but I imagine there is more to it than that . . .

Just know that since you have been best friends for so many years now there is no need to hurry or rush things . . . Let them unfold naturally as you have been doing . . .

There will be no "what if" later in life with this relationship because you are too close and are able to communicate well . . . But distance and trauma need to subside a bit so you both know your feelings are on solid ground . . . Which they sound very much like they are . . .

My suggestion would be to write out your feelings . . . Not just once but many times . . . Write to yourself . . . Write to him without sending anything . . . Write to the Wild Divine . . . Write over days and weeks . . . The answer to your questions will begin to materialize on the page . . .

I must run . . . Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers . . .

Blessings always, Earth Angel . . .


LostInThought 5 years ago

I've spent the last half hour reading all of the page and have found so much help in understanding what I am going through.

I am 19 years old and I just finished my first year of college. I have been best friends with this guy since my junior year in high school. He was a senior at the time and we became very close, we talked every day in school, walked to class together, ate lunch together, volunteered for student council meetings, pretty much everything we could do together we did. After school we both played sports so we tried to make it to each others events and supported each other all the way. We would text each other at night until we went to sleep... it was always nice having someone to say goodnight to. It was a great year together and we would tell each other all the time how much we meant to each other and how we would stay just as close after he graduated. He joined the Navy and left for basic training about a month into my Senior year. That was so hard for me, I knew I would miss him but I didn't know how much. I wrote to him and he wrote to me but things had changed. Neither of us said how much we cared or missed each other, it was to hard. He came home that year for Christmas and that week we spent almost everyday together. It was almost like he never left, we went back to laughing and joking around like we always did. The only difference was that when we hugged it was a longer hug, and when we looked into each others eyes it was like we couldn't look away. By the middle of the week I knew that I had feelings for him but I didn't want to say anything since he was leaving again in a few days. The day he left was tough we spent 3 hours together and barely talked. I knew what I wanted to say but didn't know how to say it. We hugged before he left and I didn't want to let him go. My drive home I actually shed a tear because I knew how much I would miss him. Two weeks after that he finally got his phone back and got a computer with the internet so we went back to talking and calling each other, even the occasional skype call.

He's been gone for almost two years now but we have managed to stay best friends just like we said we would. When he does get home we make sure to spend as much time as possible together but that's only a few days every 6 or so months. Even though he is so far away and we never get to see each other my feelings for him have grown so much. Both of our friends always told us we were going to end up together and we always denied it and said we were only friends, especially since he had a girlfriend until a few months ago. Even the guys he's in the Navy with that I have never met have told me that they think we should be together. They say that they wish they could have as great a friendship as we do and that it's obvious how much we love each other.

We have kissed before and we lay around and watch movies and stuff together when hes home. Its always nice to have someone there to be close to, and we both fit together so perfectly that I can't help but enjoy it. The thought has crossed my mind that maybe I'm just lonely but after my car accident last year I found that we both care a lot about each other in a serious way. I almost died and if I wouldn't of talked him out of it he would have been on the first plane home to be with me, even though he wasn't allowed to leave his military post. After that our conversations changed he was so supportive of my recovery and encouraged me every step of the way. We talked about me coming to visit him and what we would do when he came home next. He'd tell me how much he missed me and couldn't wait to see me. Every conversation made me fall more and more for him and it seemed like he was feeling the same way but he would never say anything about how he felt for me or if he had any feelings for me.

I know that being so far away really makes it hard. I just don't know what to do. Should I tell him how I feel or should I just keep it to myself. He is such an important friend to me and I don't want to loose that friendship but I'm not sure I can risk not telling him and end up wondering what if later in life. What should I do?


Earth Angel profile image

Earth Angel 5 years ago Author

Blessings of love and understanding Anonymous . . .

Our heartstrings are pulled when our affections for someone are not returned . . . Of course, confessing feelings while under the influence is never a good idea . . . Even on New Year's Eve . . .

If I read your words correctly, your best friend has been very clear with you . . . He cares a great deal for you and about you . . . But is not in love with you . . .

I wrote this Hub to awaken people to the benefits of having a deep abiding friendship, and honoring, respecting, appreciating that friendship, without crossing the boundaries clearly set . . .

No one except your best friend knows the feelings of his heart . . . But if what you write above is accurate, he has been clear . . . Please honor that . . .

Blessings to you always, Earth Angel . . .


anonymous 5 years ago

i have been in love with my best friend for nearly two years now. he has always maintained that he does not believe in love. he is not expressive at all. never once has he said that i mean alot to him. even then his every action shows that he cares alot about me. he is always there when i need him. this new year's eve, i got drunk and told him that i love him. i asked him if he knew that, he said he did. next day when we spoke, he completely refused to believe that i meant what i said. we completely avoided voicing out my exact words. i told him i was in my senses, and i remember wat i said. he said u dont know what you said. so the discussion ended there. do you think he did that because he thinks of me only as a friend and does not want it to affect our friendship? or is it because he does not believe in love? i am his closest friend, but he is like this closed book. you really have to prod him to get things out of him.


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Earth Angel 5 years ago Author

Blessings of Clarity and Joy to you Siobhan . . .

I am so very glad you found your way to this posting . . . And that it may provide some insights into your situation . . .

Yes, it is difficult to discuss things with your best friend when it is your best friend you want to discuss . . .

I am glad you brought up saying something without setting it all in stone . . . Communication is key . . .

There is nothing wrong with you saying something casually like, "you know when you were texting me about that other girl, I think I might have felt a little jealous . . . " And then see what he says . . . .

He may have been telling you about her to see if you would be jealous . . . Or because he really likes her . . .

If, at the moment, his feelings are not in the same direction as yours, telling him too strongly will in fact change the dynamic of your relationship . . .

If, at this moment his feelings are growing in the same direction as yours, he will jump on your comment to open the door . . .

Please keep me posted . . . Love is never hard or heartbreaking . . . It's only our expectations of Love that adds pain . . .

Blessings to you always, Earth Angel . . .


Siobhan 5 years ago

I found this post to be incredibly helpful...! But I am still so confused about what I am feeling for my best friend... A few months ago I started seeing him differently, as if in a new light, and it startled me. I have been pondering on these feelings stirring in me since, and it seems like the feelings grow stronger by the day. I tried to push them away, but when we were texting and he coolly mentioned confessing to a girl he likes...it brought me such pain. I was so confused and so hurt at the same time, because I didn't know if I was simply jealous at the matter that I may be replaced as the most important girl in his life, or that I wanted to be with him on another level.

He knows something is up with me, and I don't know whether or not to tell him. I fear this may change or friendship to something drastically lesser and I will be reduced to nothing but a hollow shell of agony from the loss of my best friend...

Should I tell him what I have said here? Basically, 'I have some confused thoughts that I've been trying to sort out...' or something like that, like, not setting it all in stone? I feel it gnawing away at me, because the person I want to tell about this confusion is the one it is about!


Siobhan 5 years ago

I found this post to be incredibly helpful...! But I am still so confused about what I am feeling for my best friend... A few months ago I started seeing him differently, as if in a new light, and it startled me. I have been pondering on these feelings stirring in me since, and it seems like the feelings grow stronger by the day. I tried to push them away, but when we were texting and he coolly mentioned confessing to a girl he likes...it brought me such pain. I was so confused and so hurt at the same time, because I didn't know if I was simply jealous at the matter that I may be replaced as the most important girl in his life, or that I wanted to be with him on another level.

He knows something is up with me, and I don't know whether or not to tell him. I fear this may change or friendship to something drastically lesser and I will be reduced to nothing but a hollow shell of agony from the loss of my best friend...

Should I tell him what I have said here? Basically, 'I have some confused thoughts that I've been trying to sort out...' or something like that, like, not setting it all in stone? I feel it gnawing away at me, because the person I want to tell about this confusion is the one it is about!


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Earth Angel 5 years ago Author

Dearest Junpei . . .

Only you can answer that question . . . In my comment above I cautioned against sharing your romantic interests with you best friend . . .

Did you re-read your comments? I don't think so . . .

Love is about two people wanting the best for each other . . . In your comments, it's only about you, what you want and how you feel and when you think is a good time to tell her . . . And that you are willing to be friends after even if she doesn't feel that way . . . Love is about both people, not just you . . .

If you told me your feelings and I didn't already share them, we could no longer be friends . . . End of story . . . It wouldn't be up to you to continue the friendship or not, it would be up to me . . .

Spend some time looking at this situation from her point of view . . . I think you already know she doesn't share the same romantic inclinations . . . Maybe she will at a later time . . .

A LOT more introspection on your part is needed my dear Junpei . . . Love is about TWO people . . . Until you can fully stand in her shoes, and honor her wishes, you might want to reconsider your feelings . . .

Blessings always, Earth Angel . . . .


Junpei 5 years ago

Thank you Earth Angel! Can you also advise me on when is the possible right time to do it? What are the possible indicators or signs that I should go ahead or not go ahead?

You have my gratitude,

Junpei


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Earth Angel 5 years ago Author

Dearest Junpei . . .

Blessings to you and your new feelings for your wonderful friend . . .

Don't do it . . . That is my simple and direct response . . . Listen to your friends . . . They see more than you do . . .

Re-read your comment above . . . Several times . . . Does anything jump out at you??

Re-read it as though you were the person someone was coming to for advice . . . What do you see?

Re-read it as though you were your dear friend . . . What do you see?

Write me back here and let me know . . . I will be in and out of the office all day but I will check back . . .

Asking is always a good first step . . . You already know the answer, I'm just trying to help you uncover what is already there . . .

Blessings to you always, Earth Angel . . .


Junpei 5 years ago

Dear Earth Angel,

I really hope you will reply to me, since I think I'm going crazy. Here is the situation:

I have a friend. Let's call her Kei (I'm not Japanese though ^_^). Anyway, I have been her friend for more than almost a year. I had a crush on her the first time we met, but that was it and we became good friends. It was around several months ago that my feelings for her surfaced. I can't recall the exact moment, but I found myself wanting to see her, looking forward to work because I want to be with her, etc. Now, I want to know what she feels about me. I want to tell her how I feel next week. But my some of my friends tell me to wait a little longer. They told me to shower her with more care and admiration as a friend, without revealing or being obvious that I like her. On the other hand, I felt that this is the perfect time to tell her, between summer and the first semester of class, since I do not want to distract her when work begins in the first semester of classes. I feel that the time between summer and the first semester would give her the space to think clearly. What do you think?

I am also concerned as to how this would affect our friendship. I want to preserve it no matter what happens. I plan to confess to her, then to explain to her that no matter her answer I would always be a friend. If yes, then its all good. If no, then I will get over it, accept it, and remain a friend by all means possible. I am confident I can do it should that happen. Still, I am afraid. What if she says no and she is not able to avoid feeling awkward around me afterwards? I would so much appreciate some up-front, honest advice, Earth Angel. Thank you!

Junpei


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Earth Angel 5 years ago Author

Dearest Becky . . .

Help is always near . . . You just need to ask . . . Take a deep breath . . . You've been through a lot . . . And you need to be strong and rational and loving for your precious children . . .

Now is NOT the time to take a romantic step forward . . . You have been through too much in such a short time . . .

For everything that you have been through, your children will internalize and multiply it by many times . . . Even if they are very small, they will absorb the energy . . . And in twenty years, you will be shocked at how much they know and remember about what happened . . .

It's not about you right now as much as it is about them . . .

Your feelings of fear and panic and need and abandonment (even though you were strong and right to end your abusive marriage) will cloud any other feelings you may think are sincere for someone else . . .

We all "see" through the lens of our experiences . . . Until you can wipe that lens clean, which takes a lot of rigorous self-work, refrain from getting involved too seriously with anyone . . .

You need to put yourself back together as a whole person before you consider getting involved with someone else . . . We all think it would be easier with a new mate by our sides . . . It's not . . .

One of the reasons women often stay in abusive relationships is lack of self-esteem . . . They often "need" someone else to validate them more than they need a loving and safe environment for themselves and their children . . .

It's not about your best friend . . . He cannot fix the parts of you that are broken . . . He can be a good friend while you tend to the severe damage done to you and your children and your lives . . .

You yourself are young but you have no choice at the moment but to grow up really fast . . .

Until you have completed your divorce (at least a year) and the courts have awarded you sole custody and your kids are thriving in school and you are receiving child support in a timely manner and you have a solid roof over you and the kids heads and you have had some serious counseling to get to the root of why you stayed in such an abusive situation, you do not need to be considering getting involved with someone else . . .

Appreciate this dear friend who has stood by your side . . . Give thanks that the Divine provided a soft shoulder during this critical time . . . Do not heap all this unresolved baggage onto the very person who has provided comfort . . .

Lean on your best friend from time to time as you heal yourself and make sound decisions for you and your children . . . (Do not lean on the same person all the time . . . It's too much for anyone . . . ) Do you have a supportive family nearby?? . . . Is there a service near you, a Church or Battered Women's Service, that might provide an understanding professional woman to talk with at no-cost or low-cost . . . ??

You and your best friend have plenty of time to grow and tend to an adult relationship once much of this drama is behind you . . . This is not about a friendship that may blossom into a lifelong romance . . . This is about healing from abuse and getting the help you need for you and your children . . .

I know much of the above sounds a bit harsh, maybe harsher than some of the advice I have given to others above . . . But you have small children and a history of abuse - the dynamics are much more serious here . . . A new romance shouldn't even be a consideration . . .

HubPages offers some really good insights for ending abuse, especially from Hubber Patty Inglish . . .

Please let me know if you need help in locating services in your area . . . In the meantime, be grateful for this dear friend at a time of great need and confusion . . . Do not make life more complicated than it already is . . .

I have lighted a candle and said prayers for you, your children, your bf . . . even your ex- . . . Ask for help and it will be there . . .

Blessings always, Earth Angel . . .


Becky 5 years ago

I hope you can please help me i have fallen madly and deeply in love with my best friend and its far more complicated than that. ill try and give u a bit of background information.... i am a 23year old mother of three. i got out of a almost 9year relationship a few months ago it was a very bad reltionship my ex was very controling and abusive and on drugs my life was hell but i was to scared to leave. but on valentines day of this year i finally told him i couldn't do it anymore and this ended up with him trying to kill me... my best friend well he got out of a 8 yr relationship nearly 2 years ago now but they have had odd occasions of togetherness.....this man has been a huge part of nmy life for so long..he was my exs friend 'officially' but we always shared something on the odd occasion we were alone he saw how my ex treated me and i know it ate him alive he was the one person i had that would tell me its not my fault and well just say the odd word or give me a look that told me he cared...anyway on the valentines night i told u about he was there he gave me the courage to finally tell my ex id had enough... my ex was crafty though as he waited for my bf to leave before he attacked me... anyway as soon as the police took my ex away icalled my friend he came back to my home so quickly and stayed with me as i was a state he has been there for me at every turn helped with everything and anything he can my children also love him dearly we have spoken about feelings about each other but i never get a proper response, he tells me he loves me, im his rock and he doesn't know what hed do without me and then at times hes cold i just dont know how he feels i think hes scared. the last thing i wanted right now was to fall in love and really didn't expect it but i have NEVER felt like this before i love him soooo much. i show him loads too but i need to tellhim straight im in love with you but i am absolutley terrified of ruining our friendship because we mean the world to each other and i think in fact i know id be far more heartbroken at losing his friendship than him not returning my feelings. i have to do something about this though because its really eating me up i think of him all the time every song i hear reminds me of him in one way or the other. its not just me and him to think of either its my children. please help me!!!!


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Earth Angel 5 years ago Author

Dearest Kira . . .

Blessings of kindness and compassion and understanding to you gentle young soul . . .

Those who are older and say that first love is not real are incorrect . . . It is very real and the memories stay with us a lifetime . . .

This Hub was written as a caution to those whose intuition tells them not to step over the boundaries of another . . . It sounds like you need to honor your own intuition . . . If you re-read your own words you will see that you have answered your own dilemma . . .

Closeness, a deep profound abiding love between women is natural . . . and essential to our survival . . . You may have noticed a huge world-wide movement toward regaining our Sacred Feminine . . . Welcome to the dance little sister . . .

As women, including young ones as yourself, we are passionately drawn to other women who seem to speak the same language as ourselves . . . We long to be heard . . . to be understood and accepted . . . To matter . . .

Be honest with yourself and ask: what qualities in this other person am I so attracted to? And then ask yourself: do I need to work on increasing those very same qualities in myself?

You are friends . . . very close friends . . . You have a responsibility to honor that friendship, not distract it by youthful longings . . .

Listen to your heart . . . Not your "surface" heart that wants to be a couple . . . Your deepest heart-wisdom that wrote your comment above . . . Keep writing . . .

Please let me know what you decide and how this unfolds . . . I send you love and light and much respect for your insight . . .

Blessings always, Earth Angel . . . .


kira  5 years ago

Please help me i am a 14 year girl and i know that i am a bit young to be dating but i think i love my friend who is also a girl. i want to tell her but i don't know how i have tryed giving sings and evry thing but it is not working. She is a few years older than me but we are real good friend but i think if i tell her flat out she might not want to be friends. :( oh please help me Earth Angel and other people.


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Earth Angel 5 years ago Author

Dearest Cassie . . .

Blessings to you this lovely Monday morning . . .

It is a wondrous thing for me to witness the growth and unfolding of a beautiful young soul such as yourself . . .

As you have experienced with this situation the answers were within you all the time . . . You noticed a change in his behavior at the same time you had a change in your feelings . . .

The difference between knowledge (good) and wisdom (better) is what we do with the insights we have been given . . . You have shown great wisdom and understanding, much beyond your years . . .

Have a wonderful day love . . . Love, laugh and offer your heart in friendship to all . . . The world needs more of you . . .

Blessings always, Earth Angel . . .


cassie1220 5 years ago

Earth Angel,

Thank you so much for taking the time to respond! It means so much, especially since I have never dealt with a situation like this before. I now better understand the way I should be there for him. Things should simply stay the same.

And since I sense that he may in fact be struggling to understand his desires and sexuality like many teens, hearing that a girl has feelings for him may make things much harder for him to deal with... more confusing.

Your reply has led me to notice something I find interesting. During the same time I started reading signs that made me question/realize what I feel for him, was the same time he started contacting me less. But not avoiding me. Which gives me a stronger feeling that he might have already suspected.

I love him in a way that I'll always be there for him, so I'll give him plenty of space. I think what I feel is a very strong friendship, and questions I've asked myself about it are what led to feeling like it should be or would be something more under certain circumstances. I think taking more time to question myself will prove this.

I'll let you know how things go...

Cassie


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Earth Angel 5 years ago Author

Dearest Cassie1220 . . .

I am heartened to hear/read that you have given these feelings a few months reflection . . . And that maybe they have grown even stronger . . .

I also hear/read that you really care about this person and feel as I often do, the world can be an unfair and cruel place and we want to make up for it where we can . . .

Telling a person they are beloved and appreciated and respected and special is quite different than telling someone they are perfect . . .

If your dearest is quite as in-tune to others as you believe then yes, he probably does suspect your true feelings for him . . . He may be wrestling around with the same dilemma that you are . . .

He may also be wrestling with the straight, gay, bi- dilemma as well . . . And people need to have their own time and their own space to understand their own desires before launching them on others . . .

Be there for him as a friend . . . I would advise against the big declaration of Love . . . Give yourselves more time . . . There is no hurry . . . Your friendship sounds wonderful and more appreciation for that aspect may be in order . . .

As close as we are to some people, we do not know the burdens they carry in silence . . . We can offer our hearts and our shoulders . . .

But it is the free will of the other to share or not, to step forward or not, to return the affections or not . . . And we must accept their decisions/boundaries without insistence that things be any other way . . .

Please let me know how this wonderful relationship unfolds . . .

Blessings always, Earth Angel . . .


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Earth Angel 5 years ago Author

You are more than welcome Confusedd!

Please keep me posted as things unfold! You sound/read like a loving soul and I know LOVE will find you soon!

Blessings always, Earth Angel!


Confuseddd 5 years ago

Thank you for your response!! It made me realize somethings that I've never thought of.


cassie1220 5 years ago

Hi Earth Angel!

A few months ago, I realized I may have feelings for my closest male friend. I figured I would give it some time to be sure, about four months, but what I feel for him has some how become stronger and I believe I love him. I have never felt this way about anyone before, it didn't even start out as a crush. I barely understand it, so I fear what he would think of it himself. I definitely do not want to risk losing our friendship, but at the same time I'll never know if I don't tell him.

It's not that I expect him to feel the same. I just want him to feel loved/appreciated. He is bullied and called gay, I don't know if he is, but either way I want to let him know he's perfect and help him not see the world as mean, and know there is somebody there who really cares about him. He's not like other guys and doesn't show much interest in girls, but I can see he just wants someone to love him.

It's killing me that I haven't told him, and when I do, I won't just say the three words we've exchanged before as friends. I'll tell him exactly how I feel. I think that's the only way to get him to understand.

He might have already saw it himself. He's very good at reading people, it's quite a talent. Some of the signs being how I never hang up first, unless I can call him right back, I call way too much, and maybe by the way I look at him.

But if i'm going to tell him, I should do it soon since he moves around alot, and I may loose my chance and always regret it. So I see no point in waiting. I'm just afraid he will start avoiding/ignoring me afterwards if it scares him because he does not feel the same. I would love to hear your advice.


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Earth Angel 5 years ago Author

Hi Charlie!

Good to hear from you!

No need to be confused! Sounds/reads like the four days together were a gift of clarity!

We never need to have all the answers! It doesn't sound/feel right; move on!

Too often we spend too much time trying to figure it all out, why it didn't or isn't going to work, why, who is to blame, why, am I making a mistake, why, what is she changes her mind, why, what if I change mine, why, is it inevitable, why!?

It really doesn't matter other than learning from the lesson and moving on!

If I had the option in my life of some "clarity" or a "relationship" I would chose clarity every time!

Just be happy that you had a chance to spend some time together and things are much clearer now!

With your eyes more open, you may be able to see someone right around the corner you would have missed by looking the other way!

Blessings always, Earth Angel!


Charlie 5 years ago

Hi Earth Angel

We spoke a while back, over a month ago now. My situation has changed in terms of being in love with my best friend! After spending 4 days with her, my feelings have changed completely! I can't see her more than a friend, maybe its because I have accepted the inevitable?! Or spending 4 days with her has opened my eyes to just move on?!

It has confused me alot?! I think I have resorted to giving up because I can spend my whole life waiting for something that is not going to happen.

Charlie


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Earth Angel 5 years ago Author

Dearest Confusedd . . .

Blessings to you this lovely Mother's Day morning . . . I hope/trust you will do something wonderful to honor your mother today, whether she has been a "saint or sinner" in your eyes . . .

Thank you for your comment and questions above . . . I have read it numerous times . . . Our beliefs about love can be so confusing . . . And our communications with each other even worse . . .

Somehow "throwing tiny chunks of bar soap during history class" seems a bit incongruent with having boyfriends/girlfriends . . . ?

If you are best friends with his twin sister, and you talk with him 24/7, does the topic ever come up between you . . . ? Wouldn't you know if he is over his last girlfriend . . . ? And interested in you as more than friends . . . ?

Are you maybe over-emphasizing his actions/attention toward you because you would really like there to be more . . . ?

It reads to me like you have a wonderful friendship . . . Trust that as/if it evolves into something more you will both know . . .

Just be real . . . Be authentic . . . Be clear in your communications with him and with others . . .

Please keep me posted as to how this all unfolds . . .

Blessings always, Earth Angel . . .


Confusedd 5 years ago

My best friend has a twin brother who I like ALOTT. We talk all the time and we are really close and I love being around him. He likes to walk in front of me when I walk and then stop so I have to push him and he threw tiny chunks of bar soap at me during history class one time. He knows some of my secrets about my family and stuff and he's totally fine with it. All of my friends say that we would look cute together. I don't text him alot because he doesn't like Texting but I talk to him almost 24/7 and he is so sweet. I told his sister about how I like him and she wants me to marry him. One time my other friend told him that we would look cute together and he said that he wasn't over his last girlfriend. I know that that's not a yes, but it's not a definite no. Do you think it means that he needs more time but is interested or just didn't want to be offenseful?


stupidbutterflies 5 years ago

Dear Earth Angel,

My situation is somewhat similar to "pleasehelp" and after reading her story and your reply I felt the need to write one of my own. I think I have known I've been gay for a few years now but have only come to accept the truth about 2 months ago after I fell for a friend of a friend...I had only hung out with her a few times previous to this one night but honestly have never felt this way about ANYONE before. I can't explain it as she is completely opposite of me in some respects but almost the same person in other ways. She puts on a b@tchy front initially but the more i've gotten to know her, the more I've learned she's really just a huge dork with self-confidence and trust issues from her previous relationship as well as her parents. She's still in love with her ex gf, who has now has a gf and hasn't spoken to her in almost 3 months, and talks about her on a regular basis with me. I've been playing the "good friend" card right now and offering her advice, as well as seeing if she's ready to move on or not.

I like this girl a LOT and just want to tell her...but every time we have a night alone and I plan on it, her ex always gets brought up and I feel like I've been punched in the gut and no longer feel the need to say anything. It's the hardest thing in the world not telling her but if she's still in "love" with her ex and doesn't know what will get her past this, I don't know if and/or why I should tell her how I feel. We have become really good friends and I love spending time with her and feel this might be ruined if I told her how I feel about her and she doesn't feel the same...A lot of our mutual friends know that I like her and say that I would be sooo good for her, in helping her straighten out a bit after she went through a bit of a wild phase as well.

Any advice on when to tell her? Should I wait until she gets over her ex or should I just tell her how I feel in hopes that THAT will get her past this other girl? Finding the right time to tell her has been one of the hardest things I've ever tried to figure out. Any advice would be more than welcomed!!


pleasehelp 5 years ago

Dear Earth Angel,

Its me again. thanks so much for the reply. It really made me think things through, and in a slightly calmer way. Although thinking it through still didn't help me a lot in terms of deciding what I should do, it sure gave me more clues. When you asked me whether I've ever asked things like "what if we were a couple", i dont think I have. On the other hand, she was the one who insinuated similar things, more than once before. In more than once of our conversations in the past she 'joked' about us being lesbian couples.. but i don't really know whether it was actually a joke, or if that was a 'sign'.

Also, lately since its been hard to get my mind off her, I've tried to be less touchy with her, otherwise I would actually go insane!! But for some reason, she on the other hand has been acting 'closer' to me. Like we were sitting on a school bus ride sharing earphones and suddenly she just hugged me from the side and said like "your so awesome" or sth like that. It felt really nice and warm, and at the moment I just wished I could have her all to myself..

But it seems like the more I want to avoid her in a physical sense the more she wants to become closer. Its not that I want to pull away from her, I still really want to be around her, its just that thinking about her already takes up almost all of my time, how can I even function with my regular work and school with all of this in my head?

Sometimes I wish somebody can just tell me what I can do, so that I actually have the courage to do it. Im usually a confident person, outspoken and all. But around her, or when its about her, I am so indecisive and I worry about everything, Im scared to mess our relationship up.

But all in all i really appreciate your thoughts and advice and I am really grateful. I just hope I can sort this out, then my life would be much less drama..


Ianne 5 years ago

Thank you so much EarthAngel. I really appreciate all the time, effort, and energy you give to every person here.

I called him this morning and tell him I'm sorry I was trying not to care too much and be affectionate so much and confirmed that something was really different these past few days.

I told him I can't do it. I cannot not tell him that I love him... I failed pretending that I don't care too much.

He said he miss 'me'... just yesterday, he pretty much bombarded me with sweet messages and late night calls telling me he love me but I don't respond with 'I love you too.' or my usual messages to him.

You were so 'spot on' with the mature/immature things to do. And I really thank you for that.

EarthAngel, right now I don't know if my intentions are pure or not. There is a part of me that is holding that possibility. Though, sometimes I tell myself, it's okay if it's not with me as long as he is happy.

One thing I know for sure with myself is that... I'm not the kind of person who would push myself to be loved by the one I love... if I get successful and we ended up together... and he's not that attracted to me... maybe he was so used to be around me... I don't think I'd be happy either.

I want someone to need me because he love me not the other way around... love me because he need me.

In my country, there is no divorce. So pretty much it is very important that you end up with the person you love and who loves you the same way.

EarthAngel... I don't know how long I can stand feeling this way towards him... and I thank you very much for the "I want you to be happy . . . I want me to be happy . . . I want to still be close friends "

Thank You and may God Bless you especially your health because you really are helping and helped a lot of people here.


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Earth Angel 5 years ago Author

Dearest PleaseHelp,

I saw your first comment and left you a long reply a few days ago . . . Alas, I do not see my response posted on this thread or in this Hub . . . My apologies . . .

First of all, take a deep breath . . .

Yes, I remember having an ardent crush on my best girlfriend when I was in my teens . . . It came out of nowhere . . . We had been friends for years . . . And then all of a sudden I couldn't keep my mind off of her . . . I spoke about her all the time . . . She was my world . . . I would have done anything for her . . .

It helped that we were next door neighbors . . . We spent seven days a week together often sleeping with each other - never sexually . . . Our parents adored each other . . . We even had matching pets . . .

The odd thing was neither of us was gay at the time . . . Nor did either of us grow up to be gay or bisexual - which would have been fine . . . It was just the closeness we felt to one another was nothing like anything either of us had ever experienced . . .

In that respect, I think intense feelings for our best friends, male or female, is quite natural . . .

Frustrating as all get-out, but natural . . .

Are you still breathing . . . ?

Your best friend has been pretty clear about being a "free spirit" . . . Being affectionate but not exclusive . . . Trying things out . . .

None of us makes good decisions until we get our anxiety down to a manageable level . . . It doesn't matter how old we are or aren't . . . We have to be calm before we can be clear . . .

Before you jeopardize a wonderful friendship, ask yourself what it is about her that draws you to her . . . ? Do you have those qualities in you? Do you want them? What else is going on in your life that contributes to the intensity . . . ?? (parents divorcing, etc.) Are there certain times or triggers when you feel closer to her than others??

Women have an easier time sharing their intimate feelings with each other . . . Have you ever asked something like, "What if I ever really fell for you?" or so and so said, "We make a nice couple? What do you think of that?"

If the answer is neutral or no, you must respect those boundaries . . . But you may find the answer opens a new door between the two of you . . . And a romance flourishes from there . . .

We are all trying to find our place in the world . . . There are so many questions we have about ourselves yet to answer . . . Let alone someone else . . . Take your time . . .

Keep breathing . . . Keep questioning . . . Keep looking for signs . . .

I send you warm breezes, blue skies and calm seas . . . Please let me know if any of this resonated with you . . .

Blessings always, EarthAngel . . .


Earth Angel profile image

Earth Angel 5 years ago Author

Dearest Lanne,

Thank you so much for sharing your conflicting feelings toward your best friend . . .

In most societies the language includes sayings like, "figure it out," or "nail it down," or "if you don't know the answer, go look it up," or "solve it quickly and move on," etc.

Love is nothing like that . . . And we as people become really uncomfortable not having all the answers all the time . . .

In truth, Love IS all the answers . . . But it is also ALL the questions . . .

Wanting the object of your affections to be happy, whether with you or someone else, is a sign of maturity and understanding about Love . . .

Changing your affectionate behavior toward your best friend without warning or explanation is not . . .

Possibly closing others out hoping that your beloved returns the feelings is not . . .

It reads like you and your best friend have a really good friendship . . . and I believe you prayed for he and her to work things out . . . As requested . . .

That's one of the keys . . . Your best friend has asked you, has confided in you, to hold his relationship with another in your good graces . . . That's pretty clear on his part . . .

If you think your feelings for him may in any way be fleeting, or motivated by something else other than pure, rich, unadulterated Love, then don't risk losing your delightful friendship if you are not sure . . .

If you think your feelings are real and lasting and substantial Love in the romantic sense, then you need to tell him something like, "I am beginning to feel things for you that are not appropriate while you are in a relationship with someone else . . . I want you to be happy . . . I want me to be happy . . . I want to still be close friends . . . I just need to distance myself a bit for a few days or a couple of weeks until I regain my equilibrium . . . I cherish our friendship . . ."

Let me know what you think and feel . . . I send you warmest light for peaceful resolution in your heart . . .

Blessings always, EarthAngel . . .


pleasehelp 5 years ago

Dear Earth Angel,

Growing up for 16 years, I was never extremely close with my family, instead i've always been more attached to my friends than to my family. But it was only 1 or so years ago that I found out I might have fallen for my best friend, whom was also a girl.

I dont think about her in any sexual way, but I just feel this strong emotional connection that I've never experienced with anyone before, not even with the previous guys i've dated. I have tried to persuade myself that we were just extremely good friends this special bond, but sometimes I catch myself acting like a shy boy having a crush on a girl..

I want to talk to her all the time. But every time when I pick up the phone and wanted to dial her number, I have a major dilemma, debating with myself about whether I should call or not, because I was afraid that if I called her and bothered her so much she'd think I was annoying. Therefore I every time I would have to think for a very long time before making up an excuse to call her. And I have to stage and plan my speeches, because Im so afraid of screwing anything up.

I am not really a tomboy but I tend to act less girlish than many of my other friends, and sometimes like a 'homie'. So I tend to get a little touchy and always put my arms around her or on her shoulders. Once we were in a hotel on a school trip and her and I had to share a single bed. I remember we cuddled on the bed and it felt so warm inside. Still, nothing much sexual, but I just felt a sense of joy and happiness.

Every weekend, I miss her. Its just two bloody days!! Sometimes I get so mad at myself for that, but I cant help it. Summer and Christmas holidays have been completely torture. I didn't get to see her for 1 month. Almost crumbled apart..

Also I feel like im so possessive of her. When she's around her other friends I get so jealous but I just dont tell her. And a few other times it accidentally slipped my mouth and i said something like "wheres my...?" (referring to her as mine). But its true, I want her for myself. The problem is that time she got all defensive and said "im not yours.."

Im so lost.. firstly i dont even know if all this means Im falling for her, and secondly if I am.. what should I do? tell her? Im pretty sure she's not into girls, but whats odd is that she is absolutely hot and stunning, and everybody says so. Yet she hasn't had a boyfriend for all her life. And plus she seems to be playing along with my 'touchy touchy game' pretty well..So I am completely clueless and dont know what to do.

Another odd thing is that, more than one friend around us seems to have noticed something between my best friend and I, and have commented on our 'peculiar relationship'. So is it really THAT obvious? omg please help me its eating me away and im all in tears.. I really want to maintain good terms with her and I would die if I lost her. She is the most important thing in my life, above my parents even. Without her I wouldn't be able to function..

I really need help right now, and would very much appreciate some advice. I don't know what to do but I know I have to do something.. be it coming clean or pulling away.. please help

Thank you so much


Ianne 5 years ago

Hi Earth Angel,

I think I'm inlove with my childhood friend. We were each other's first crush and first love.. that I know now since he told me. We've known each other since kindergarten but they moved.

After more than 10 years, we got reunited and our friendship deepens. When I met him, I found out from him that he's in a long-distance relationship.

We became pretty close whenever he calls me when his girlfriend has her phone off, or not answering her phone, not replying to his text messages, and so on and so forth. I think his efforts to make their relationship work is what makes me love him more. I remember the time he called me crying when his girlfriend go abroad for a job without even telling him her departure date. She told him when she was already at the airport ready to leave!

It sucks to know when the person you deeply love was almost always hurt by the person he deeply love. I want him to be happy, even if it's not with me. There are days I can't take my mind off this visualization of kissing him. I don't know if this is normal or this is lust... I don't know.

For us, saying 'I love you', became pretty normal. I do. I love him. And he told me he did too. And it became normal. Even the communication is always there. For him it was a reminder that somebody out there care's for me. But these past few days... I stopped the 'I love you' and sweet stuff. I became afraid that it might turn into something I can't control... like what if I can't give him up now. What if unconsciously, I'm closing my doors because I was thinking of the possibility with him... which I should not! He asked me to pray for their relationship which I did. I did! It was pretty hard to pray for the person you love success in his relationship with some other person... but as they say Love is not selfish. Love is kind. Whatever makes him happy...

He knew something was different. I don't want to lose him as a friend. I'm confused if I should stop caring so much and telling him how I love him... or just continue what we had.

I'm really in a confused state right now.

Thank you Dear Angel.


Earth Angel profile image

Earth Angel 5 years ago Author

Dearest Summerlovin,

The angst we feel at newly discovered love is often sometimes more than we can bare . . .

Having been "friends" with someone and then later "having a romantic relationship" with that someone, I will most always chose being friends . . .

Being friends with someone has sooooooooo many more benefits than being romantically linked . . . Most of the time it is much more real . . . stable . . . enduring . . . and goes on for much longer . . .

Don't sell yourself short . . . Popularity and attractiveness has little to do with physical beauty . . . I'm sure you know many average looking people that others flock to . . . It's their energy, their spirit, their self-confidence and that they are really pleasant to be around . . .

Don't sell yourself short on the value of friendship either . . . Too many people like being friends so they think "more is better" . . . Often pushing for more ends the friendship . . .

Your friend has been clear that he would "pull away" . . . You must respect his boundaries or risk losing the friendship . . .

"I love him so much and I want him all to myself!" is not love . . . Love is not possessive in any way . . .

You write that you have "no clue what to do anymore" Now is a good time for you to look at why you are so attracted to this particular person at this particular time . . .? What else is going on in your life that made this need to be with him pop up so intensely??

Appreciate the friendship that you have with this special person . . . If it evolves into something more that is healthy and mutual, that is good . . . If not, please do not discount the close friendship you already have . . .

Please keep me posted . . .

Blessings always, EarthAngel . . .


Summerlovin 5 years ago

I'm in love with my bestfriend.

I realized I loved him one night while he was sharing his feelings about this other girl.

I just remember thinking how lucky I am to have him in my life.

We have kissed but recently I asked him if I were to kiss him

What would he do. He responded with 'I'd pull away' that hurt a lot. I know this may sound dumb coming from a 17 year old girl but I love him so much and I want him all to myself ! But I know the chances of that aren't very good. I think. He does tell me he loves me though. But I think he just means as a friend. Another thing that doesn't help is, he is extremely attractive and has girls after him like crazy. I'm the averagely attractive girl, nothing spectacular about me and my logic is, he could get models and whoever he wanted why would he settle for someone like me ? Please help me solve this I have no clue what to do anymore


pleasehelp 5 years ago

Dear Earth Angel,

Its nearly 3 in the morning in my place and I've read through this entire hub page in one go. I think the world should be thankful for having such an angel like you who devote time to help out poor souls like us. I was really hoping you can give me some advice on this.

I'm a girl, 16 years old. Growing up, I was never extremely close with my family, instead i've always been more attached to my friends than to my family. But it was only 1 or so years ago that I found out I might have fallen for my best friend, whom was also a girl.

I dont think about her in any sexual way, but I just feel this strong emotional connection that I've never experienced with anyone before, not even with the previous guys i've dated. I have tried to persuade myself that we were just extremely good friends this special bond, but sometimes I catch myself acting like a shy boy having a crush on a girl..

I want to talk to her all the time. But every time when I pick up the phone and wanted to dial her number, I have a major dilemma, debating with myself about whether I should call or not, because I was afraid that if I called her and bothered her so much she'd think I was annoying. Therefore I every time I would have to think for a very long time before making up an excuse to call her. And I have to stage and plan my speeches, because Im so afraid of screwing anything up.

I am not really a tomboy but I tend to act less girlish than many of my other friends, and sometimes like a 'homie'. So I tend to get a little touchy and always put my arms around her or on her shoulders. Once we were in a hotel on a school trip and her and I had to share a single bed. I remember we cuddled on the bed and it felt so warm inside. Still, nothing much sexual, but I just felt a sense of joy and happiness.

Every weekend, I miss her. Its just two bloody days!! Sometimes I get so mad at myself for that, but I cant help it. Summer and Christmas holidays have been completely torture. I didn't get to see her for 1 month. Almost crumbled apart..

Also I feel like im so possessive of her. When she's around her other friends I get so jealous but I just dont tell her. And a few other times it accidentally slipped my mouth and i said something like "wheres my...?" (referring to her as mine). But its true, I want her for myself. The problem is that time she got all defensive and said "im not yours.."

Im so lost.. firstly i dont even know if all this means Im falling for her, and secondly if I am.. what should I do? tell her? Im pretty sure she's not into girls, but what's odd is that she is absolutely hot and stunning, and everybody says so. Yet she hasn't had a boyfriend for all her life. And plus she seems to be playing along with my 'touchy touchy game' pretty well..So I am completely clueless and dont know what to do.

Another odd thing is that, more than one friend around us seems to have noticed something between my best friend and I, and have commented on our 'peculiar relationship'. So is it really THAT obvious? omg please help me its eating me away and im all in tears.. I really want to maintain good terms with her and I would die if I lost her. She is the most important thing in my life, above my parents even. Without her I wouldn't be able to function..

Im so sorry if i'm rambling on and on and on, but I really need help right now, and would very much appreciate some advice. Thank you so much for your time and effort helping all of us out here who don't know what to do.


Guest_S 5 years ago

Earth Angel,

I am encouraged to see all of your advice and hope that you can help me!

I am a 20 year old male in college and I am head over heels crazy about my best friend. I've been in many relationships, even thought that I was in love before, and no girl has made me feel like this girl does.

We met at the beginning of this school year and became study partners, along with doing just about everything else together (non-romantically). One day she told me that I was her best friend and that she loves me (non-romantically again) and I returned her sentiments.

The problem is while yes, she is definitely my best friend in this world, I have had feelings for her since the day that I met her. I never told her because she has had a boyfriend for the entire year. She tells me everything and I tell her everything that I can without revealing how I feel. Now they are kind of on-again off-again and I don't know if this is the right time to tell her how I feel.

Without saying the words I have tried to express the way that I feel about her: Taking her out, gifts and flowers for no reason, taking her to dinner on Valentine's day when her sad excuse for a boyfriend did not even ask her, fielding her crying phone calls at all hours of the night...you get the idea.

Sometimes I think that she might feel the same way about me...based on how she acts...while other times I think that she just wants to be friends. I am very confused. I feel like I will explode if I do not tell her the way I feel about her, but I never want to lose her as a friend.

Any advice would be much appreciated. Thank you!


Anabellle  5 years ago

Yes, as you have expected, I have fallen for my best guy friend. (Keep in mind that this is teenage 'love'.) He sits near me in everyclass we have together, and we text/chat everyday. We also hang out every weekend, playing sports... So I don't know if this means he likes me, or if we truly are best friends. I would tell him how I felt, but I am a bit concerned that I may be rushing it since I've only been at this school for three months; but we're really close and have everything in common. (And another problem is that I have bad experiences with telling people I like them- but he's definitely different from the others I liked previously.)

Do you have any advice? I would love for us to become something more, but then again I am really happy with having him as a friend, so I dont want to risk anything...

-Anabelle


Earth Angel profile image

Earth Angel 5 years ago Author

Dearest Lea,

I am so very sorry that you are caught up in such a toxic nightmare . . . Writing to me is a good first step in recognizing this situation is out of control . . .

Please take my words seriously . . . You need to stop participating in self-destructive behaviors . . . Love does not hurt . . . ever . . . What you are experiencing is not Love . . . and deep in your heart you know it . . .

Reaching out to someone online is a good first step . . . It means you are ready to end the toxic cycle and look for answers . . . It means you are ready to take your life back . . . Life and Love are about JOY, not pain . . .

Life is a precious gift . . . Tens of thousands of good people lost their lives in an instant in Japan . . . Do you really want to waste the life (and education) you have been given by drinking, drugging, sexing and crying in a locked bathroom wrapped around a toilet . . . ?

Is that the highest and best vision you have for your life?

Please seek immediate help from an adult you trust . . . You are out of control of your own life . . .

Is there someone close by, but not caught up in this drama, you can talk with? A parent or older sibling? A teacher or counselor your like? The uni nurse? A minister? A trusted family friend?

Neither of you will be able to help the other without stepping out of this unhealthy cycle . . . Nor will you be able to help yourself by remaining in these unhealthy situations . . .

You have taken the first step by writing . . . But writing to a stranger has too many limitations for your situation . . .

I know you are strong enough to take the second step . . . Connecting in person to someone you trust who can provide you solid help . . .

Please let me know who you were able to connect with and start the road back to Love and Joy that is real . . .

You are in my thoughts and prayers . . . EarthAngel . . .

www.nvf.org

www.synctherapy.com

www.lighthouse-services.com

www.hotlinecounseling.com


Lea 5 years ago

Earth Angel

I've been in love with my best friend for nearly 2 years now. We were at the same sixth form but never really talked until i had a party. TThat night everyone got drunk and she started talking to me and we just hit it off. I just felt drawn to her. Since then we've been bascally attached at the hip.

It's driven me mad for so long. It doesn't help that she's increadibly touchy feely, holds hands with me, cuddles me in bed and sometimes half kisses me when we're drunk in clubs and no ones watching. Everyone else makes couple jokes about us and even our parents have asked several times.

i've always known i was bi (none of my school friends do), but i rea;;y don't think she is. We joke about it, but i feel like even if she was she wouldn't say anything.

It got more and more out of control and when we're out and i see her kissing random guys in clubs (sometimes while holding my hand or after kissing me somewhere quiter) i end up getting really drunk or getting with someone myself totry and make myself feel better. I did that for a week when we went on holiday with a huge group of people before uni. I'm not proud of it but it seems like a sort of escape.

we're both at uni in the same city now and it's just gotten worse. we see each other all the time still which is probably not helping me get over it but i can't help myself. about a month ago my building had a flat party and she got drunk and slept with a guy which shocked me because she'd only had sex once before and that was about 4 years before. i'd left the party early because i saw the guy trying to flirt with her and i didn't want to be aorund it. She called after me but i didn't listen.

she came into my room the next day and told me. She then told me it was my fault it had happened, but wouldn't expand on that. she said she was sorry and that she'd make it up to me. I believed her but then she was upset about a family issue a few weeks ago and the same thing happened. She literally ditched me at a party for someone and slept with him in his room while i looked after her passed out friend who i'd never met before in a house full of strangers. She came back to where about 2 hours later and i tried tp ignroe her.

She kept calling me over and looked so upset i finally agreed to go sit with her in the bathroom where she locked us in, burst into tears and started cuddling me and saying how sorry she was. i forgave her like i always do.

i don't know what to do, it's literally killing me inside every time we have these same old arguments about how we hate anyone that the other gets with. should i tell her to at least get closure?

I don't know how she'll react. I don't want to lose our friendship and i can't not have her in my life, she's literally my everything. Which is why i can't stand seeing her get with people that mean nothing to her and that don't care about her either. She deserves someone that does care.

But then again it may be unfair on me to stay in this toxic circle. And it's been unfair on her that she doesn't know the truth.

i know i have to do something. i'm sick of all of it. of coming home crying constantly. i'm sick of hurting, of feeling empty and like i'm literally suffocating.

she seems to hurt me constantly. But still i love her. i'd die for her. She's both the best and the worst thing that's ever happened to me.

any advice at all would be really appreciated.


Earth Angel profile image

Earth Angel 5 years ago Author

Dearest StoneRunner,

So nice to meet the 'voice of wisdom' I knew was hiding inside you all along . . . You are most welcome for any insights I may have been able to pass along . . .

Just think: you may have passed Eckhart Tolle in a hallway and never given it a second thought . . . And now you may be continents apart but more intimately connected . . .

We are all connected in ways we have yet to learn about . . . It is why when we truly 'listen' to each other we can hear our own heart beating . . .

There are many paths that lead to enlightenment . . . When I have lost my way and all seems dark, there are those who have shared their light with me . . . Until I could once again find it on my own . . .

That's what we do when we can . . . We hold the light for others until they can find their own light again . . . And we accept the light from others when we seem to have misplaced our own . . .

You will do fine when you once again see your beloved tomorrow . . . She may even notice an attractive difference in you she can't quite put her finger on . . . but she will be drawn to just the same . . .

If at any time you feel the pull of the old pattern, just take a deep breath . . . The breath always brings us back to the present moment . . . And the pain-body cannot function in the present moment . . .

A wise old soul said, "It is friends that make marriages work" . . . And it took me years to understand that . . .

It's true, we can work out our angst and insecurities with friends (or Hubber) and then return to our beloved's more centered and more sure . . . more of who we really are . . .

Books like Eckhart Tolle's are why I became a publisher . . . He wrote those words years ago and they still have profound power to shed wisdom and light . . .

Pass it along gentle soul . . . In whatever way works best for you . . . And please keep me posted with the good news . . .

Blessings to you always, EarthAngel


StoneRunner 5 years ago

Earth Angel,

I owe you a great debt of gratitude for putting me on a path to finding the way to bring me back to myself.

Over the last couple of days I have taken on board what you suggested about the pain body and made a start on reading the work of Eckhart Tolle. Much of what he writes resonates strongly with me. As an aside, it turns out I was reading Mathematics at King's College, London at the same time Eckhart was there. Though he was some years older than me, I can't recall ever meeting him.

I have now come to understand how my ego and pain body have been making me feel these last few weeks. That awareness in itself brings a calmer acceptance of how things are now rather than stressing over how I would like them to be. I am shedding the neediness and self-doubt; I am becoming my rational self again. I may not be all the way there yet but I feel I am making progress.

That is not to say that I have let go of the hope that me and my love can find a way to get together for I have not. I just feel much less attached to that imagined ideal I am striving for at some unknown future time. Also, I can foresee that if we do get together, after the initial bliss, a whole new set of expectations will be created and possibly (probably?) more stress. It doesn't bear thinking about. Much better to savour the time we spend together by being present in the moment, me accepting her for who she is and without imposing my hopes for our future on the situation. Whatever happens will happen; it will happen naturally with mutual respect and love. But it will now happen with the concious knowledge and understanding that the weight of thoughts of past experiences and the pressure of future expectations and the intense feelings that result may cause pain for us both. I understand now how that process works but also that there are ways of overcoming it. Hopefully, this will provide a key to us both finding a fulfilling life either together or leading our separate lives. Whatever the outcome, my love will always be with her.

I am so glad she has not actually witnessed the deep emotional response that the situation has caused in me. She knows I am upbeat and happy when I am with her but not that I have been down and emotional when not. I have not seen her since last weekend, but we will be seeing each other tomorrow. I am wondering what my reaction to that will be in the following days; it will be a real test to see how far I have actually come.

Peace and love.


Earth Angel profile image

Earth Angel 5 years ago Author

Blessings to you dearest Charlie . . .

Yes, the gap was entirely my fault . . . My apologies to both you and to Pete . . . Were you ever able to connect with each other . . . ?

Yes, there is a pattern . . . You hit the nail on the head . . . As I have been dialoging with StoneRunner above, we are attracted to that which we need to heal in ourselves . . .

It is sooooooooooooo hard to see sometimes . . . I've been at this practice for years and it still catches me off guard sometimes . . .

There are people who just get my dander up . . . They are small and close-minded and immature and ego-driven and they hurt others with their lack of awareness . . . And they infuriate me . . .

I stew in that for awhile . . . Sometimes a few minutes . . . or a few hours . . . or a few days . . . Recently I found one issue so egregiously hurtful to others I stewed about it for months . . .

Then as life so beautifully does, it turns the mirror back on ourselves . . .

"How can that be??" I ask myself, "I am not a hateful arrogant coward who goes around taking advantage of others!!"

It's true, I am not . . . But there have been times (maybe to a lesser extent) I have been full of fear and made choices to react to someone from that place of darkness . . .

I can be judgmental about what is 'right' and what is 'wrong' and often forget those 'absolutes' are nothing more than my 'opinion' based on my own upbringing and 'conditioning' . . .

There are times I rant to my Spiritual Teacher . . . Talk about being disrespectful, immature and close-minded (me) . . . The light bulb eventually goes off in my blonde brain and I realize the sheer folly of my madness . . .

So just think about these few things without believing or disbelieving . . . Just hold them as an 'open question' . . . The answers will come . . .

Yes, there are patterns . . . The reason they keep repeating is because we haven't yet learned the lesson . . . Once we learn the lesson, the pattern disappears all on its own . . .

No, no one can make you feel bad about yourself . . . Ever . . . What happens is we give others 'opinion' of us more weight than the opinion we have of ourselves . . .

If someone else's 'mean streak' has caught your attention . . . look inside yourself to see if you have been mean in any way, even just thoughts, to anyone else . . .

If someone else's being 'emotionally closed off' has peaked your attention . . . look inside yourself to see if you have closed yourself off, even a little, to anyone else . . .

By anyone else I don't mean just the person you are thinking of . . . Anyone else includes parents, siblings, teachers, workers, people you don't like, etc. . . .

I promise you, you may not like what you see at first . . . But it is the only way 'through' the challenge . . . And the only way to 'break the pattern' . . .

Let me know how you do with that . . . Keep me posted . . .

I send you warm thoughts for warm relationships always, EarthAngel . . .


Charlie 5 years ago

Hi Angel

I'm lost on what to do since we last messaged. I have had a situation with my friend Elli which has made me question things in relationships which I can't get my head around!

I have been in love twice, with Elli and another friend but both have simular traits. They're both emotionally closed off, like when I try to reach out to them when they go through bad periods and just close off. Both have had lesbian relationships and both have tendencies to have mean streaks to make me feel bad about myself.

I don't know if I look into things to much and being silly or theres some sort of pattern going on?!


Earth Angel profile image

Earth Angel 5 years ago Author

Blessings of Love and Insight to you StoneRunner . . .

My apologies for the delayed response . . . My Internet connection has gone down twice in the middle of responding to your last comment . . .

Thank you so much for opening your heart and sharing the raw underbelly that often accompanies new feelings for another . . . Each time we risk to open and share, there are many who benefit, not just ourselves . . . In this way we help raise the consciousness of all . . .

It took me years to grasp the concept of the pain-body . . . (I am very literal and my body had no pains) . . . It's like a 'body of pain' that is a part of us yet separate . . . intangible, it often goes unnoticed for long periods of time . . . Like a shadow in a mirror, we only catch glimpses . . . And sometimes not even glimpses, we see its effects only as a reaction in others . . .

You seem to have understood it quite readily by the history you so kindly and openly shared . . . Thank you . . .

It does appear that you and your beloved do share quite a few profound pain-body experiences . . .

The pain-body is like a group of unpleasant memories . . . Some unpleasing memories, like not scoring well on a test or in a basketball game, are more easily accepted as part of life and we move on without too much angst or permanent scarring . . . Unless of course the test was the L-SATS . . . or it was the final basket of the season for the championship . . .

It's not the memories per se, it's the story we tell ourselves about the memories . . . It's the weight we give them in the story of our lives . . . It's the timing of the event combined with our need at the moment . . .

When we are young and going through awkward phases (and we all do) it is really nice for life to present us with opportunities to shine . . . At the same time I developed acne, I won a statewide writing competition . . .

When life presents us with double/triple whammies when we are feeling most vulnerable . . . i.e. my boyfriend dumped me . . . for my best-friend . . . who last week ran over my cat . . . plus out of the blue my parents have decided to get a divorce . . . What gets imprinted upon our souls (really our egos) can last a lifetime . . .

Other than lessons learned, there is no reason to hold onto the 'less mature interpretation' of what happened if it doesn't suit you anymore . . .

The pain-body, other than providing reason for growth, serves no other purpose . . . When the growth happens, let the pain-body go . . . Simple awareness of its presence is all that is needed for it to disappear . . . (Don't worry, it will return in another area . . . It's a life long process . . . )

If you go back and read your comments as though someone else wrote them, I think you will be amazed at what jumps out at you . . .

What I read in one paragraph is from a mature, insightful, introspective, clearly charming, thoughtful, well-written person . . .

Another paragraph refers to relationships having an element of competition . . . which they do when we are less evolved . . . As we mature we learn that Love isn't about winning and losing . . .

Also, those intense feelings we have as young adults experiencing first love never come again in the same way . . . Raging hormones and all new experiences/feelings on a clean slate are not repeated . . .

Your first comment sounded like it was from a young adult, maybe 18-20 years old . . . And it was . . . But if you keep reading your comments, they have matured as you gain understanding of your own process . . .

What may be driving you crazy may not be your beloved . . . But that several very real parts of you are taking turns at the wheel . . .

We all do it . . . Myself included . . . It's one of the reasons I became a writer/author . . . To get a balanced view of my internal landscape on any given subject I write and then let it sit . . . for an hour, a day, a week or sometimes years . . .

Anything I publish has been written and edited and rewritten from my many moods, perspectives, filters, experiences . . . It's a lengthy process - but so well worth the effort . . . What ferments becomes a robust, complex fine wine with congruent notes . . . That started out as an ugly crushed grape . . .

Ask yourself, “How would I be feeling about this situation if my previous experiences had been different?”

I look forward to hearing from you and continuing this dialog . . .

Blessings always, EarthAngel . . .


StoneRunner 5 years ago

Earth Angel,

I am not sure how much of this I really want to share but I really need to get to the end of this process and sort my head out.

The last time I felt like this was when I was at university. I was a very awkward, 20 year old shy guy and very inexperienced with dating and women in general. I obsessed about a girl for several months, spending a lot of time with her but never even attempting to progress from friendship even though it was what I desperately wanted. As was to be expected, she grew impatient, found someone else and I never saw her again. I eventually I married and was happy for 20 years followed by a painful divorce but never I felt the intensity that I had with the girl from university. As I mentioned in a previous post losing out to someone else happened again a few years ago with the current object of my desire. I now have second opportunity with this one and don't want to let it go without giving things a chance to develop this time.

The pain body theory is a very intresting one and at first sight may be one worthy of exploration.

My first thoughts are to do with my relationship with my parents. They are both now in their 80s and still fit and healthy. They live close by and I visit them once or twice a week but I have never really felt part of a close knit family. I have never felt really loved particularly by my mother who was always the dominant personality. I suspect the underlying reason for this is that I am the eldest, only male, and was conceived outside marriage. For the sake of decency (this was the 1950s) my parents had a shotgun wedding. Subsequently, they had 3 daughters and they all appear to have a good relationship and always have had. As a child I was always encouraged to occupy and entertain myself while the girls were given most of the attention. Even now I always seem to be almost an external observer. I can not ever remember my parents overtly showing any kind of affection towards each other either verbally or physically. I always wondered why they have stayed together so long. Also, I thought this could be the root cause of me being painfully introverted for much of my early life.

Over the years, I have had a number of conversations with my friend over about her childhood and met her parents on a couple of occasions. Her mother was and is still very much the dominant personality and not at all maternal. For the mother, having children was apparently something that was done because it was what married couples did. I have heard of several things that happened during my friends childhood that border on neglect and she has clearly still not forgotten or forgiven these. She still has issues with her mother and this also plays a key part in the family issues I referred to earlier.

I guess this is the kind of thing you are talking about. There is clearly at least a superficial level of commonality in there so maybe there is some truth in what you say.


Earth Angel profile image

Earth Angel 5 years ago Author

Ahhhhhhh Blessings Again StoneRunner . . .

So nice to hear the wisdom of a gentleman taking center stage in your words . . . Your second comment sounds much more grounded and more in line with someone who has been blessed by years of experience . . .

If writing helps, please keep writing . . . either on HubPages or just in your own private journal . . . It is my way through everything in life . . . I keep writing until whatever I am pondering begins to make sense . . .

One question I would ask you to ponder is when in your life was the last time you felt this way?? Specifically?? And what was the outcome?

My intuition tells me this situation has triggered something buried in your past - probably around high school or college - and it didn't turn out the way you wanted it to . . .

We all get 'hooked' at various times by unsuspecting opportunities in life . . . Before we know it, as normally sane rational people, we are obsessing and worrying and 'racked with self-doubt' . . . These are all signs that 'our highest and best self' may not be at the controls in that moment . . .

Eckhart Tolle, author of The Power of Now and A New Earth, speaks eloquently of something he calls 'the pain-body' . . . Disappointments big and small, traumatic events, or even the smallest slight from someone when we are young, can take up residence in our personalities and egos without us being much aware of them . . .

How we become aware of them is usually by some unexpected trigger . . . Someone else with the same trigger points as our own is most powerful . . .

How we know it's the pain-body is we begin to act out of character, we can't think of anything else, we begin to fear rejection in disproportion, we don't know what the answer is, we don't know if we should move forward or backward, we don't know black from white, our thoughts become jumbled in that area, when we can be quite sane and highly functional in all other areas . . .

I had it happen just recently . . . A man I met and was doing some real estate business with suddenly became front and center in my life . . . He would show up announced, always happy and courteous, but very focused on me . . . It wasn't long before his moods became a bit more unpredictable . . . And I could tell when he looked at me, he wasn't really seeing me - I reminded him of someone or something unfinished . . . It began to negatively impact our work together . . .

I was not a happy camper . . . I wanted our business arrangement to be mutually beneficial so I hung in there . . . Some days were great and we moved ten steps forward . . . But come night fall, and maybe he had a few glasses of wine, his emails to me were completely out of context . . . We'd have to take a few days break and then I would try again . . .

After a few times of this dance I began to think this highly intelligent, well-educated, very successful man was crazy as a loon . . .

In some respects he was . . . It took me awhile to realize that the rational intelligent man I was trying to do business with was just fine . . . But something about me triggered his 'pain-body' and he was like two polar opposite people . . . Without awareness, the pain-body always wins control of the person . . .

There's more . . . Once I could start identifying 'his pain-body' I had to realize my 'pain-body' must be triggered as well . . . That's how most people come together at first -- it's that 'recognition' we all crave . . . That 'this person gets me' wonderful feeling . . . More times than not, it's two complimentary 'pain-bodies' drawn to one another . . .

Completely unbeknownst to me, my pain-body was trying to work out some long ago forgotten issues with my father . . . Whom I adored and has been dead for many years . . . . I am quite self-aware and I missed it completely . . .

Pain-bodies look for and recognize specific situations/people/events that draw them together in ways out of character . . . Out of proportion . . . And both sides 'play' . . . If there is only one side involved, the trigger quickly fades . . .

That is not to say that two people who come together with complimentary pain-body issues as a component don't wind up happily married . . . They do . . . But it takes a lot of awareness to heal the issues and move on to deeper substance . . .

The best case scenario is for two adult people to have already worked out most of their issues before getting involved with each other . . . Unfortunately that is rarely the case . . .

We can however, take full responsibility for uncovering the root of our angst . . . before acting out, even lovingly, on another . . .

Give that some thought . . . see if any of it resonates with you . . . I know you have written twice that this really has a hold of you . . . You know there is something going on with your feelings you can't quite explain . . .

If you feel resistance to the idea, that's okay . . . . Just leave it as an open question . . .

I must run to a meeting . . . Please keep me posted . . . Friendship is a wonderful foundation for a romance . . . Pain-body, not so much . . .

Blessings be with you, EarthAngel . . .


StoneRunner 5 years ago

Earth Angel,

thank you for the time you have taken to respond and the sage advice you have offered.

I am usually a very self-confident, grounded, rational person that usually keeps his feelings internalised and well hidden but this has taken over my life. I am racked with self-doubt. This is not something that has happened to me in 30 years and I have not dealt with it at all well but just writing about it has been a cathartic exercise.

I am absolutely clear that I want to be with and care for this woman unconditionally today, tomorrow and into whatever the future holds for both of us. What is not clear to me yet is what she wants at this point in time. If entering into a relationship is not her choice then, as a friend, I will always be there for her whenever she needs me. I also realise that once feelings are in the open there is no going back and everything will change between us and that continuing the freindship we have now may not be possible.

If we ever get it together, I suspect the timing of the announcment my feelings is key. As I wrote earlier she has recently come out of a long-term relationship, she has other emotional things going on with her family not to mention a stressful job and maybe a combination of these things is resulting in the mixed messsages. I do not want to add to the emotional stress she is currently experiencing which I may well do if I suddenly expose the extent of my feelings with a consequent negative fallout.

At no time have I had any expectation that things will work out between us but I do harbor hopes that we may be on the cusp of something very special. I have been around a long time, been married, raised kids and been divorced. I know what commitment means, the stresses relationships exert and that it takes two who want to make this work. I am all too aware that there is no hope if all the feelings are on one side.

Letting things unfold slowly and naturally, being easy on the intensity and allowing her space is the path that I have been trying to follow. As you suggest I will probably continue this way but guide it to a decision point where we can mutually agree to either remain friends or go all out for a relationship. Over the years it has been hard not being too open about how I really feel about her and especially so over the last few weeks. I guess waiting a little while longer will not be easy but the potential reward is immense.

Peace and love.


Earth Angel profile image

Earth Angel 5 years ago Author

Dearest StoneRunner . . .

My heart is with you as you battle internal angst about a relationship that means the world to you . . . I too am single and in my mid-fifties . . . The beginnings of a new romance can often reduce us to adolescent-type insecurities . . .

We are blessed to have lived long enough and been through enough life experiences to see the folly in letting our teenage-brain take over . . .

Love and romance and sexuality have part of their foundation in our child-like aspects, as well as our dreams and hopes . . . They are to be honored . . . but not given the steering wheel . . .

Love has no angst . . . zero . . . none . . . Love is in itself complete and whole and without confusion . . .

Angst comes from our hopes, fears and expectations regarding love and the profound desire for the returned affections from our beloved . . .

Angst clouds our ability to communicate clearly . . . Especially with those whom we feel the stakes are highest . . . And we often it make things worse before we can make them better . . .

My suggestion would be to take some time to truly get clear with yourself and your intentions . . . Without knowing it, you may be sending mixed signals yourself . . .

"I want to be close to you . . . I don't want to be rejected . . ." You both may be sending inconguent messages to each other . . . We all know what it's like to feel that the other person is not being "totally honest" with us . . . We can't quite put our finger on it, but we know not to trust it . . . That is the kiss of death for any budding romance . . .

Get clear with yourself, put adolenscent longings in proper perspective, release all expectations, focus on Love only . . . And set up some time for just the two of you . . . Let things unfold naturally . . .

Please keep me posted . . . I hope this is the start of something truly magical . . . and real . . .

Blessings always, EarthAngel . . .


StoneRunner 5 years ago

Hey Earth Angel,

I have read this blog with much interest and but with a great deal of angst in my heart.

I am a single guy in his mid-fifties with quite a few female friends who I get on with very well as purely friends. I think they all sense that I am not a threat to them excepting one that I have been in desperately love with for about 6 years now. How I feel about her has never been purely about physical attraction, although she is very cute, it is all about who she is, how she thinks, how she treats people, her infectious sense of fun, we share common values and enjoy the same things, we often know what each other is thinking without saying a word. The list goes on. Even so, we are very different people but we complement each other; her strengths are my weaknesses and vice versa. I have dated several other women during this time but my thoughts always, always turn back to her. However, she is a very good freind and although I would like her to be so much more I do not want to lose our unique friendship.

She was single when I first fell for her but I had just about come to terms with the breakup of a relationship and I wasn't quite ready to jump in with both feet. Anyhow, by the time I got round developing a stronger bond between us she had started seeing a guy many years younger than herself. This relationship has been on and off ever since but finally broke up just before Christmas with a lot of emotional fallout. It never seemed to me that their relationship was ever going to last as it was always kinda secretive and they were hardly ever seen anywhere together socially. I have never expressed any judgement on it to her but I know many of her close friends told her they disapproved of this guy, not that he was a bad guy in any way but that the whole thing was never going anywhere.

Over the years I have spent numerous times away on vacation with her and other friends and I have always tried to respect the fact she was taken and kept my distance emotionally. Her BF never came. During our skiing trip in February though, things were starting to change between us. She hardly left my side all week and had become a lot more tactile than ever before and allowed me to do little favors for her which she would never have done in the past; she is also very independent. Aside from the breakup she had other things going on in her life that were causing her stress and I sensed that she may have unresolved emotions and that it was too early to make any move. The last thing I want is to freak her out and make the dynamic between us awkward. I determined that I would let things happen naturally and slowly progess over a period of time rather than blurting out how I felt.

Since then, I have really got it bad for her, worse than ever. I have no doubt that she senses that I would like to take it to the next level but I do not think she knows the true depth of my feelings. I have spent the last two weeks being totally consumed by my internal dialogue asking "When are you going to tell her?", "Will she feel the same way?", "What are the implications for our social circle?" and not least "How would I deal with her rejection?"

Last weekend we were away together with friends again. Her closest female freinds have become much more freindly with me; I am accepted and included in ways I never have been in the past. Although nothing has been said by me they sense and know. On Saturday she was very talkative and tactile and I was feeling very positive about the prospect that we were finally getting close to making that breakthrough but on Sunday she was cold and unreceptive. Last night we exchanged a number of emails but it was all superficial stuff.

I am now on an emotional rollercoaster and finding it difficult to keep any kind of perspective on any of this. I am now looking for any detail of what she says or how she behaves that shows me beyond doubt she feels something for me but everything she does or says seems to be contradictory. I don't want to come across to her as being too intense neither do I want to appear to disinterested. One day I am on top of the world, the next in the depths of despair. Where is the balance in all this?

I would do anything for this woman, including accepting that I need to let go if she doesn't feel the same way but I also want to give us the best possible chance of working things out. It feels like us getting together is within touching distance but still so far away.


Earth Angel profile image

Earth Angel 5 years ago Author

Dearest Charlie and Pete . . .

Thank you so much for your comments . . . And sharing with each other . . . My computer time is limited over the next couple of days but wanted you both to know I read every word . . . And my warmest thoughts are with you for clarity and guidance and insight . . .

Please feel free to connect with each other through this Hub . . . I will pipe back in later this week . . .

Blessings always for Love . . . EarthAngel . . .


Charlie 5 years ago

Just read your comment Pete and I know how you feel, I hope it works out for you.


Charlie1986 5 years ago

Sorry my story telling is crap, always seem to miss bits! Lol. We are both 25 and met in college 9 years ago and her sister is really her half sister. And when I talk about relationships I mean boyfriend/girlfriend relationships, which 4 months was the longest.

I don't mean to be negative, I always like to see the positive of everything but my love life is a joke! Been dumped for God by a text message and turned a straight women gay!


Pete 5 years ago

Hey again Earth Angel,

I'm unsure of when I will see her next. The last couple weeks have been really hard for me. Knowing I'm actually in love with her and getting confused by her actions. This has made me nervous and scared. So I have been avoiding her for the following reasons. I know answering the question " does she like me?" is hard to answer when all you have is a paragraph. But it would really help me out if you could point out a couple things which help best friends distinguish if their friend likes them more than friends.

I have tried to read majority of this thread/Hub but its so much and couldn't find any i could relate to fully.

Looking forward for your pointers

Thanks,

pete


Earth Angel profile image

Earth Angel 5 years ago Author

Hello Again Pete!

Glad some of my comments resonated with you! Remember, love is generous and doesn't expect anything in return!

Sure, I have many, many, many suggestions for how to gain insights into how the object of your affections may be feeling in return! For an in-depth list read the comments above! I have been writing suggestions on that very subject for people on this Hub for over three years!

There are hundreds of ways to gain clues and insights!

In short, it doesn't need to be an 'all or nothing' conversation! It's not a choice between 'keeping quiet' or 'letting it all gush out!'

It is good that you are being sensitive to her position as well! I wrote this Hub for the very reason that too many of my male friends have tried to step over my sacred boundaries in their want for more than just our friendship!

I do not appreciate it! I do not want it! I have been quite clear ~~ I do not find it flattering at all ~~ I find it insulting ~~ I am quite capable of making my own decisions ~~ no one knows what is best for me other than myself! There have been many times I was left no choice but to end the friendship!

Having said that, it doesn't sound like that is the case between you and your intended!?

How about a simple opener like, "I had a dream we were more than just friends ~~ and I liked it ~~ What do you think of that? Have you ever thought of us as more than just friends?" See where the conversation goes!

Go to a romantic movie with a happy ending and talk about the leading love characters!

Casually touch her hand while walking and see if she slips her hand in yours!

Tell her how beautiful she is and kiss her on the cheek; she may kiss you right back!

The beginings of a relationship can be awkward and unsure and unsettling and a bit messy ~~ They are for everyone!

Please keep me posted! When is the next time you see each other?

Blessings, EarthAngel!


Earth Angel profile image

Earth Angel 5 years ago Author

Blessings of peace and calm be with you Charlie!

It appears that your heart is feeling an urgency! Of course love is a friend of yours! No, you should not be selfish! And no, good guys do not finish last!

I'm a little confused; you are both beyond college years yet she has a 13 year old sister? (That's a big spread in years?) And you have both graduated from college so you are at least in your twenties, but your longest relationship has been four months?

Charlie, something is not adding up!?

You sound like a wonderful and charming human being! Take a deep breath and have a little faith in yourself! Otherwise you will send the same kind of mixed messages to your beloved!

Please keep me posted! Deep breath! Love is not so filled with angst! It's beautiful and loving and kind and patient! And good guys finish first!!

Blessings always, EarthAngel!


Pete 5 years ago

Hey EarthAngel again,

Thank you for the kind words and your wisdom! I agree with all your comments.

I would like to add to my previous comment.

Do you have any tips or suggestions for me, on how to figure out if my best friend would be interested in me or signs I could look for?. I have thought long and hard about what I would say to her. I would tell her exactly how I feel from the heart. Only problem I have is I really don't know if she feels the same way about me. I'm not scared of rejection cause it wouldn't change my state at the moment. If you could help me out with your own past experiences. To try and help me figure out if she likes me more than friends. I don't wanna just tell her I do and for her to feel awkward and for us to lose our friendship!

Thanks

Pete


Charlie 5 years ago

I believe we are moving on in a happy way but my only question is in what way?! We have had discussions about relationships since we have got back in touch and she talks about having a relationship with older man with lots of money as money has been a issue in past relationships. All of her past relationships have never been kind to her as most of her ex's have been selfish.

I hate bragging about myself but I am the least selfish person who would proberbly ever meet, that would do anything for my friends. So with all this said, am I wrong type? Should I be more selfish? The only one that knows I like her other than me is her 13 year old sister, who loves to brag about it. Plus I have mentioned to her years ago that I had a crush on her back in college!

Its the same old story as good guys always finish last! I have had 2 relationships in the past, the longest being 4 months long and both being unkind experiences. I have learnt alot from watching and listening from other relationships around me, giving good advice to other friends but never have the chance to use and learn from my own. I'm beggining to believe that love is no friend of mine but at the back of my head beliving that all the waiting in my life, this could be the one I have been waiting for.

Charlie


Earth Angel profile image

Earth Angel 5 years ago Author

Blessings of happy events Charlie!

None of what you wrote seems to indicate anything to be unhappy about!? You are both moving forward toward each other in a wonderful way!? Am I missing something?

Please let me know! EarthAngel!


Charlie 5 years ago

I am stuck and don't know what to do! I'm not shy as this is my real name and part of me is hoping that my friend will be thinking the same thing as me and will look up similar posts as me in the attempt that she finds my name on this post!

I have been friends with my friend Elli for 9 years now and in need of some advice. I met Elli when I was in college and she was flirting with someone else really badly and from that moment I felt the butterfly feelings, that everything for a split second stood still. I took the guts to say hello and made myself look like a rite tit but luckily enough she would past saying hello and having brief conversations with me. She saved my life when I was at my lowest point, giving me the biggest hug when I needed it badly. She moved away after 2 months of knowing each other, moving from place to place but we would always keep in touch by texts or MSN.

9 years later and I was seeing my ex at time who had the knack of making me feel crap about myself. After spending a horrible evening and even worse morning with the ex I got a text message from Elli to say that she would be attending a graduate scheme event and if I fancyed going, so I took the opportunity and thought lives to short. We caught up after not seeing each other for 9 years and those old teenage feeling crept back again. We spent the whole day at the event, which if I had to go by myself I would probably hang myself! Lol. We went for drinks afterwards, catching up with the good and the bad in our lives. After separating our own ways I sent a text to say I had a lovely time and she did the same back.

Weird thing following after the whole contacting each other scernario, she had the knack to text me when I was always at my lowest point with my ex and without fail always cheered me up. I wanted to get away from everything and went to visit her in her hometown and stay with her and her mother. I got on with the mum like a house on fire and spent a fantastic weekend with the both of them. This was followed by meeting her other half of the family, sisters, father, and the fathers wife who I had dinner with. All of this was followed by her staying at my house and meeting my mother and auntie, now I don't know if this is all coincidence that we are meeting each others family and friends that we have never met before all of a sudden.

With all of this happening I am so happy that we have caught up and become really good friends again but part of me is biting my lip but wishing the words will come out and everything will be rosey! I'm also buying her gifts for Christmas, Valentines Day, and recentily her Birthday, buying her a pandora bracelet! I am very affectionate and a very caring person, I am also a giving person without the motive of getting anything back. All I want from all of this is to see her happy with whom ever that may be, even if it means me being miserable for the rest of my life.

But what do I do to avoid the unhappiness without backing off and ruining the good friendship? And I apoligise if this is to long and my grammer may be a bit poor.

Charlie


Earth Angel profile image

Earth Angel 5 years ago Author

Blessings to you dearest Pete . . .

Thank you so much for sharing your heartfelt dilemma . . . Each time we open to others, we help not only ourselves but those others as well . . .

It appears that your cherished friendship may be moving in a direction more romantic and intimate . . . That both your hearts desires are coming together at the same time . . . If this is the case, I bless you both . . .

Openness and honesty in communication is critical to any relationship and after ten years together you are most likely to know each other better than anyone else . . .

If 'sensing' her feelings/intentions are not enough, then adding some verbal words/questions to your private conversations is important . . .

Now that you are both single, she may be wondering why the two of you never became a couple . . .

Or, without other relationships restricting affection, she may just feel freer to express her fondness for you . . .

Or, needing affection herself in the void of no current relationship, she offers it more readily . . .

One thing you wrote above jumps out quite glaringly . . . "Me on the other hand will not give love away if I'm not getting love back in return." This is the antithesis of Love . . .

You are valid in thinking/feeling that Love is something very Special . . . But it is not a currency to be bargained for . . . It is not a man made honor to be bestowed on another . . .

Words are only that ~~ just words . . . Putting such high expectations on three little words is setting yourself up for disappointment and heartache . . .

It's not the words that have potency . . . It's the feelings and actions that are behind them . . . 7% of communication comes from words, 93% is non-verbal . . .

If I had a best friend who had been in relationships before but had held back "I love you" . . . And who felt that love was something that had to be returned . . . I would continue to love them profoundly as my best friend . . . But their belief system would limit the possibility of our deepening our connection . . .

I would advise that you spend some time really thinking/feeling/pondering about love . . . the different kinds of love . . . what love means to you personally . . . why you haven't uttered those three little words before . . . why you feel their value need be returned . . . where you picked up your beliefs about love . . . are your beliefs really an accurate reflection of how you feel in your soul . . . .

And of course, pondering these great life issues usually involves one's best friend . . . walks, talks and gentle sharings . . .

To me love is shared freely, openly and without any expectation . . . I am blessed to be surrounded by people I love and who love me . . . I must say, and hear, "I love you" a dozen times or more each day . . . The frequency in no way diminishes its value . . . It adds profound goodness to all our lives . . .

I pray you are able to add another dimension of closeness to your already wonderful best friendship . . .

Please let me know your thoughts . . .

Blessings always, EarthAngel . . .


Pete 5 years ago

Hi Earth Angel,

I'm 25 years of age and I have been in love with my best friend for 10 years. when I first met her I was really shy, was way more focused on sports..anyways, she knew I liked her more than friends without me letting her know, cause she had told her friends then. I have always been there for her. Even when she was with other guys. I always made time for her even if I was at the time in a relationship.

However, recently we have got a lot closer. In the last few years we have really come together as friends. We understand each other on many different levels. If its food/going out/sports/music..etc . She tells me about all her relationships or if shes ever seeing someone. We tend to hang hours upon hours doing nothing! we go out to party and drink and go to the movies alone.

She has mentioned a few times that we should get married if we don't meet anyone else. Recently she broke up with her mate(4 months ago) and so did I. I'm not really sure if she has the same feelings for me as I do for her. But lately she has been touching me more, calls me at times she wouldn't before. She tends to like guys that chase her and who show her a lot of attention. Me on the other hand will not give love away if I'm not getting love back in return. Despite many relationships, I have never directed the three words 'I love you' towards any girl in 25 years. And my best friend is aware that I haven't!

I would really appreciate it if you could take sometime to help me on how to go about this scenario. Do I tell her I love her??

Thanks,

Pete


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Earth Angel 5 years ago Author

Dearest Tashi,

You are more than welcome for whatever small part my words play in helping reveal to you the light of wisdom already shining in your soul!

Blessings to you, yours and your beloved! EarthAngel!


Tashi 5 years ago

Hello EarthAngel,

Many thanks for your advice, It good to get advice like this, I can see how delicate a situation it is, I will proceed with care, But i dont want to push this friend away. i suppose you can a admire someone from a distance, if there is no response. I will let you know of any developments,

blessings EartheAngel


Earth Angel profile image

Earth Angel 5 years ago Author

Hi Tashi,

How wonderful! Love in all forms is always valid and real and ads to the expanding sum of love in the world!

I believe the soul-deep love is the real love we all crave and miss! In another part of the Universe maybe all love for all living things is soul-deep! And for some reason our society sets it apart from the rest!

Loosing a good friend, especially one that you have profound feelings for, would be devastating!

Usually it's not the 'confession of love' that ends a friendship, it's the way it's revealed! Or the expectations of affections being returned immediately upon revelation!

There is nothing wrong with casually working into coversation how much you appreciate the connection the two of you share! Often that is enough to open a dialog!

Be sensitive; if you do not think the feelings are mutual, let it be! Most women are highly sensitive and intuitive; if you bring it up gently a couple of times and she doesn't respond, it may be she's trying to not make it an issue that divides you!

Please let me know how this unfolds! My hopes would be she would respond with, 'I feel the same way . . . '

Blessings always, EarthAngel!

Blessings also to all our brothers and sisters in Japan and the surrounding areas right now ~~ We hold them all in Love and Light . . .


Tashi 5 years ago

Hi

i have a friend / work colleage. who i have known for a few years and i have now developed fellings for her but not like 2 virginettes running through a field,more of a soul deep loving feeling. i want to tell her but i may loose a good friend. what can i do?


Earth Angel profile image

Earth Angel 5 years ago Author

Dearest Jane,

Blessings to you dear one this lovely sunny morning! So good to hear from you again!

I'm so glad to hear Canada is much more enlightened than the U.S.! It never ceases to amaze me how far behind our U.S. government can be on things like same sex marriage! In a world full of war and violence you would think the powers that be would be able to embrace, honor and welcome ALL forms of LOVE!

You had me right there with you until your last line: "If she's really my best friend, she won't care, right?"

WRONG! The first word in the saying "best friend" is BEST! People who become our BEST friends deserve only our BEST in return! They have earned a place in our lives and in our hearts that warrant the very BEST from us, in thoughts, actions and words!

Somewhere along the line society made it okay to "let our hair down" and behave with less thought and manners and consideration to those we love most! That's just plain backwards! No wonder so many marriages end in divorce; at least here in the U.S. we are pushing toward a 60% failure rate!

Sorry to sound like Ms. Manners but this is really a critical point! Your BEST friend deserves the BEST in terms of thinking things through, being clear with your intentions and motivations, and being fully responsible with your feelings! She deserves the kind of introspection you are going through right now by writing and inquiring! You're on the right track!

Okay, enough of my 'soapbox!'

It sounds to me like your beloved may be sharing the same feelings in return? Some of her comments to you certainly sound like she might be trying to open a dialog!?

If you read many of my comments above, I often advise people NOT to let things get to the "explosive, I can't keep it in any longer" stage - and instead just gently comment here and there to see if your beloved picks up on the signs!? It certainly appears that is what she may be doing with you?

How do you respond when your beloved says things to you like she wants to marry you? I'm really touchy-feely and I don't say that to my best friend!

You are wise to be looking at this from all perspectives! Love is not selfish or unkind and you do want to take her feelings into account as well!

Should distance matter? In my world, not so much! I would never hesitate to fall in love and follow my soul-mate to the other side of the world! (Or have him join me!) The people who resonate deep in our souls are too, too important to let inconvenience get in the way!

The BEST advice I can give is to be your "Authentic" self! There is nothing wrong in sharing your confusion with her!

I think your comment above, "The time I spend with her makes up some of the happiest moments in my life. Though if I imagine romance with her I feel guilty, like I'm violating some best-friends code or something, but at the same time I love the idea" is very genuine! I would start there!

This has the makings of a really wonderful relationship! Please keep me posted! You will remain in my warmest thoughts and prayers!

Blessings always, EarthAngel!


Jane Smith 5 years ago

Thank you for the quick response! I live in Canada, so I'm pretty lucky as well to have a supportive community and be able to marry who I love :)

To the first question, I don't know. The topic has come up quite a lot, but always in a seemingly jokingly way. We went to prom together, she flirts with me, she says she wants to marry me... but I can't tell if its all just a joke to her or not, because her personality is very affectionate and touchy...

She knows about me. I didn't tell her in the best (most confident) of ways, so I don't know if she takes me seriously, but the idea is definitely there. She's completely fine with it too. However she did say "No worries, I figure that If you were interested in me, you would have made a pass at me already" after I told her.

Your comment about my hopes and dreams does have me thinking. I love her, no question about that. I just don't really understand how. She lives far away, and whenever we get back together its like we were never apart. The time I spend with her makes up some of the happiest moments in my life. Though if I imagine romance with her I feel guilty, like I'm violating some best-friends code or something, but at the same time I love the idea.

I guess the only way to find out is to wait and see what happens. I don't want to wait too long though... I feel as though if I wait too long, I'll explode one day and make a total fool out of myself haha. Should I just make a move or tell her how confused I am? If she's really my best friend, she won't care, right?


Earth Angel profile image

Earth Angel 5 years ago Author

Blessings to you Jane!

Yes, when I am giving upbeat advice I use "!!" and when I need to give more soulful advice it switches to " . . . " Neither properly expresses my intentions, but the English language is limited . . . !!

No, love is never long winded or dramatic; it is real and intense and urgent. And to me, we fall in love with the person, not the sex of that person!

I know that often, unfortunately, that kind of openness depends upon where we live and the cultural norms we find ourselves in. I was born and raised in SF and feel incredibly blessed that my same-sex friends are able to live relatively open/normal/sane/loving lives together!

I will throw a party the day they can marry for good!

I would think that after you both being best friends for so long the conversation could naturally be steered in the direction of possible romance?

Does your beloved know you have feelings for women as well? What were her thoughts on the subject?

Approaching the subject of a romantic relationship with her need not be, "marry me or I'll die." Something much lighter like, "I can't imagine being closer to another person than you . . ."

For fifteen years I was blessed with a best friend that I would die for in a heartbeat. She was the finest person I had ever known. She was a bit older and we adored each other, lived together, traveled and shopped together, cooked and entertained together. I worshiped the ground she walked on. She was the first woman-soul-mate-to-me I had ever met!

Yet neither of us was gay; we were actually married to men! But we knew we would grow old together; even our spouses knew they couldn't compete with the closeness the two of us women had!

The kind of connection we had as women had nothing to do with sex - It was made in heaven and we treated it that way! My heart still breaks when I think of her passing . . . We would still be growing old together.

So before you talk to your beloved, think through your hopes and dreams. Is it the closeness you desire, or do you want to add a romantic element as well?

Sharing your very valid and real feelings should not be so scary with someone you are so close to!

Often what becomes scary is our 'expectations' afterward, or our fear of rejection, or our knowledge that things can never be the same that is scary!

Please keep me posted, it sounds like you have a very blessed relationship indeed! EarthAngel!


Jane Smith 5 years ago

Earth Angel... I would just like to start off by saying that your first few posts were very energetic and full of "!"'s, and are now full of "..."'s. That just gave me a little bit of a laugh :)

I need some help. I'm in love with my best friend. We've been inseparable since we met back in the 5th grade. She is the most beautiful person I know and I always tell her I think so. She is my soul mate and regardless of context, we will grow old together. However theres a catch that makes this much more difficult: we are both female. I don't know what to do. I have always known that I liked women, but it didn't dawn on me until 2 years ago that the perfect one was right in front of me. She admitted that she might be interested in women, but I don't know. Should I tell her how I feel? If somehow (although highly unlikely) it makes her hate me and want to end the friendship, I would die. I simply can't live without her. I don't know what to do and it is tearing me up inside. Every time I look at her I think of how happy she would be if she would be mine. I'm sorry if this is long winded and dramatic. I just needed a place to gush and a sympathetic ear.


Rich 5 years ago

Earth Angel

Recently I have received some interesting information.

After I told my friend how I feel about her and she dodged the emotions like a pro football player, everything was going as usual. Then she starts smiling at me a little bit more and she keeps finding excuses to call me or to meet up with me.

This of course confused me because it seemed like she was interested in me after all. I have been a good boy though and kept within the friendship boundaries. Then she hits me with the bomb.

She said that she does have very strong romantic feelings for me and that she was so shocked to find that I felt the same way about her. She went on to say that it doesn't matter though because, as she is friends with my ex-girlfriend, there is no hope of us ever being in a romantic relationship. I completely understand her desire to not hurt her friend. I too don't want to hurt my ex. When I heard all of this I was speechless. I was so elated but at the same time I don't know what to do.

Now that I know the desire is mutual I am so much more relaxed. Though maybe it's not right for us to get into a romantic relationship for our friend's sake. Any thoughts on how to handle this?


Earth Angel profile image

Earth Angel 5 years ago Author

Dearest Rich . . .

Blessings of healing to you this morning . . . I am so sorry this did not work out the way you were hoping . . .

I'm sure she did not mean to appear disrespectful of your feelings . . . Remember, you've had a while to think these things through, she had to respond in the moment . . . None of us are very eloquent when put on the spot . . .

She too, could have felt you did not respect her feelings . . . She said once she only wanted to be friends . . . And you tried again . . .

I think the situation is so raw at the moment that anything either of you says to the other is going to be received with increased sensitivity . . .

You are a loving, thoughtful person . . . Spread that love and thoughtfulness to everyone you meet each day . . . The woman who 'gets you' for who you are and will adore you for who you are may be just around the corner . . .

You are more than welcome for the words of encouragement and support always . . . Yes, we will continue to be great friends - all good souls are connected . . . Please keep me posted . . .

Blessings always, EarthAngel . . .


Rich 5 years ago

You're right. I should and will let it go.

The one thing that really hurt wasn't that she said no but that her response was that she just want's things to be simple. Since we have been such good friends for so long I had at least hope she would show some sort of respect for my feelings. That she has just pretended like I didn't say anything really tears me up. I would have been much happy had she just said "Rich I just don't share those same feelings and we need to go on being friends." That would have been fine.

Oh well. You win some, you lose some, and then sometimes you get kicked in the ribs after you've lost.

I appreciate your advice in my time of tribulation. I believe that we will go on being great friends and that all will be forgotten with the years.


Earth Angel profile image

Earth Angel 5 years ago Author

Blessings and good morning to you dearest Rich . . .

I am so very sorry that the woman who puts a twinkle in your eye did not share your inclinations toward something more than friendship . . . Even if it was only an outside chance, I know you must be disappointed in this latest development . . .

This is where my advice isn't a whole lot of fun . . . It's not my favorite part of the job . . . But it does come from the heart . . .

Alas, 'no means no' . . . 'No' is a complete sentence . . . And having been said to you once (actually twice) I advise you listen and believe her . . .

One of the oddest things I often run into with men is a deep-seated soul-level belief in the old myth, 'no means yes' or 'no means maybe' . . . It doesn't . . .

Women are quite capable of making up their own minds . . . And it sounds like she has made up hers . . . Again for reasons you or I may never understand . . . She may be making the biggest mistake of her life, but it is hers to make without influence from anyone else . . .

To do anything other than honor and respect her decision is disrespectful at least . . . and harrassment at worst . . . I am so very sorry . . . Yes, just let it go . . .

I am glad to learn that she still wants to be friends . . . It doesn't usually turn out that way . . . When I have had to reestablish the 'friends boundary' more than once, the friendship has ended . . .

The reason I have had to end friendships when the man wanted more is because I could no longer be my authentic self around that friend . . . I could no longer share certain things . . . I was always a bit on guard . . .

I also felt their attention was quite disrespectful after I had been clear about my feelings . . . It's as though they were saying to me, 'I know what's best for you better than you do . . . '

Then there are those men who still want to be friends but let me know with big puppy dog eyes that at any second they are ready to be my beau . . . These men have also had to go by the wayside . . .

My advice: Don't bring it up again . . . Let it go . . . Ask yourself genuinely if you can be just friends with her and if so, be friends (and all that means) . . . If in all honesty the answer is you would always be secretly hoping something would change, then wish her well and move out of her life . . .

There is a special someone out there that will be an even more amazing match . . . But you have to be open to meeting her when she arrives . . . While holding a candle for someone who doesn't share the same vision you will miss the flame that just walked by . . .

Does any of that make sense? Sorry to be so harsh . . . Time to move on with your life . . .

Let me know . . .

In the meantime I send you warmest wishes . . . and flames . . . EarthAngel . . .


Rich 5 years ago

So the long and short of it is that she had no idea what I was talking about. I tried to talk to her about why I was reading this hub and she slowly realized how I feel about her.

She was a little cross and just yelled "I told you not to like me!" She said she doesn't want things to be complicated. That she just wants it to be simple. Now she is just pretending like I never said anything at all and carrying on with our friendship the way it was.

I suppose my next move is to just let it go. I can only hope that the knowledge of my feelings my make her contemplate us as more than friends but I fear that bringing it up again might have irreversible consequences.

Any advice?

Thanks


Earth Angel profile image

Earth Angel 5 years ago Author

Blessings to you Rich . . .

Good Morning Again . . . Yes, that piece of information does change the equation a bit . . . And yes, people change their minds all the time . . . And she may have changed her mind having gotten to know you better . . .

Having said that however, I do think most people know when they meet someone, or shortly thereafter, whether they consider them a potential romantic partner or not . . .

I have hundreds of male friends that I adore - and a handful I do things with - look forward to seeing - share deep thoughts - dream big dreams with . . . And not a single one I would consider for a second as a romantic partner . . .

Actually, that is why I wrote this Hub . . . When I say to a man that I am not interested in a relationship and only looking for friendship I really mean it . . . My expectation is that he listens, takes me seriously, trusts the fact I know my own heart and honors my life decisions . . . When a man crosses that line with his own intentions, I am not flattered, I am often insulted . . .

I imagine also I am a bit older than you and age/experience does affect the romantic dynamic . . .

Yes, there is nothing wrong in asking her . . . Something simple and non-confrontational . . . "I so enjoy being friends; do you ever see us as anything more?"

Unfortunately if her answer is 'no' then that is a complete sentence . . .

Most really good friends however will say 'sometimes' and then talk about it . . .

Do not however, if the answer is 'I like things the way they are' try and probe for all the reasons she may not be including romance in her thoughts for you . . . She may not know all of the reasons . . . And she may not feel comfortable sharing all of the reasons . . .

For me, I just know I feel best around men who are much, much taller than I am (I'm 5'2" so it's not that hard) . . . I would never tell my 5'4" - 5'7" male friends that they are too short for my tastes . . .

I have another dear male friend I adore and we do lots of things together including going out to dinner often . . . He blows his nose all the time . . . On anything in front of him . . . Including the restaurant cloth napkins . . . I have tried teasing him out of such bad manners but he persists . . . I love him dearly but it grosses me out . . .

Anyone who has a history of cheating is off my list . . . But I wouldn't make them feel even worse by pointing out their previous flaws . . . Instead I would hope they might make better choices . . . Alas, I would not allow them to practice on me . . .

Anyone who has very strict religious beliefs would be hard for me to become romantically involved with even though I so admire their dedication . . . And I am a Minister myself . . . But I believe/teach Interfaith and the Golden Thread that appears in all religions . . . I would never say to someone that we can't be together because of your beliefs in _______ . . .

Take it slow . . . Be easy . . . Have fun tonight . . . And if the time is right, just ask a simple question . . . "Do you ever see us as more than just friends . . . ?"

Please let me know . . . I am keeping good thoughts that she just might feel the same way as you do . . .

Blessings always, EarthAngel . . .


Rich 5 years ago

Thanks for your advice.

It just dawned on me that I may have omitted some crucial information.

When my friend and I started talking more and spending more time together one of the first things she said was that she wanted a friendship and not a relationship. This bit is where I draw most of my reservations from. She may have changed her mind but I really have no way of knowing without asking her. I suppose that is exactly what you were going to say, "ask her".

Now I'm not so sure this bit of information was important at all. Does this knowledge change anything in your mind?


Earth Angel profile image

Earth Angel 5 years ago Author

Dearest Rich . . .

Blessings to you this early morning . . . The sun is not yet up here in California and I just happened to be on HubPages in the wee hours when your comment arrived . . . I'm so glad you are thinking/writing about your heart-stirrings . . .

We have a tendency to believe that love unfolds smoothly and effortlessly . . . Like a rose or a butterfly . . . If you are fully present for the unfolding of love or a rose bud or a butterfly you will see that there are stops and starts and growth spurts on one side and much time of seemingly no movement at all . . .

I had lunch yesterday with a delightful couple who have been married for five years . . . They had known each other as friends while married to other partners for over a decade . . . It wasn't until the other partners were no longer in the picture that they looked at each other in a different way . . . It happened almost overnight and almost at the same time for both of them . . . Their love story is really beautiful . . .

The pure love part they could handle well . . . Most of us do . . . It's the mechanics of life that make things more complicated . . .

We worry about our feelings being shared by the object of our affections . . . We fear rejection . . . We wonder what others will say . . . We ponder about the future . . . Our words can seem to fail us when our feelings are the strongest . . . Or we have so many words when our feelings are the strongest we feel like we will explode if we don't get them all out at once . . .

The simple, and hard, task at hand is to be authentic - and remain authentic - in the situation . . .

There is nothing wrong with sharing with your intended-love that you were reading something on the computer about relationships . . . How friendships sometimes turn into romances . . . And the risks of possibly loosing a truly great friendship when romantic feelings start to evolve . . .

Then see what she says . . . Listen fully to what she shares with you . . . Give her time to articulate her words and her feelings . . . Sometimes we get so caught up in wanting to share what is in our hearts and on our minds that we do not allow enough space for the other to express themselves as well . . .

She may tell you that she did see your computer screen and was waiting for you to say something loving . . . She may say she has feelings for you as well . . . She may say she doesn't want to lose your amazing friendship . . .

When the loving words she may have expected didn't come, she may have then thought you have secret feelings for someone else . . .

Certainly by now she would have looked up HubPages . . . There is nothing wrong with sharing this Hub with her . . . Many have written that this Hub gives them things/ideas/perspectives to ponder and ways to question their own feelings and intentions to gain greater clarity . . . Use it as a tool if you think it would be helpful . . .

Go and have fun tonight at dinner . . . I wouldn't make a big deal out of yesterday . . . If she brings it up, a simple "sorry I was so weird" is enough . . .

Only 7% of how we feel about someone is shared through words . . . 93% is shared through actions . . . Continue to show her your attention and affections . . .

When the time is right, a few simple words on your part may lead to a few simple words on her part letting you know her heart is headed in the same direction as yours . . .

Please keep me posted . . . I am always heartened by the number of love stories unfolding at this very moment . . .

Blessings to you and your intended, EarthAngel . . .


rich 5 years ago

Earth Angel I need some help.

I've been friends with this girl for about a year and a half. When we met she was in a relationship as well as I but even then I felt something for her. We always confided in each other when there were rough patches in our relationships. Her's ended about eight months ago and mine about three months ago. Now that nobody else is usurping our time we hang out at least four days a week. We always have a good time and it is just so easy for us to talk and have fun.

Even when we both were in relationships I felt something for her. Now that we both have no obligations I find her in my dreams and my thoughts everyday. I could go into a long winded explanation complete with plenty of romantic cliches but I think it best to spare you that.

Anyway, we talk constantly and up until just recently I was pretty sure she had no similar feelings for me. However, yesterday I was reading this page and she came over. I'm not certain but I believe she was on my computer and saw this hub. She didn't say anything but she was acting out of the ordinary. Usually we can always chat but when we were alone there was an awkward silence and she would just look at the floor smiling. Then some of our other friends came over to play cards and I kept catching her looking at me. She never does that (and I would know because I'm usually sneaking my own glances). Then I took her home and the whole way she was just talking to me constantly. I get to drop her off, turn around from the car and she is standing really really close to me. She gives me a huge hug and promises to hang out tomorrow.

I wasn't ready to tell her how I feel yet but since I thought she had seen this hub I later sent her a text asking if she had seen this. She said she had not but was very persistent in wanting to know what I was talking about. I told her I didn't think I should say since she may be upset by it. At this she seemed really angry and we stopped talking.

I'm going to dinner and a movie with her and another friend tonight. I'm not so sure if I should just tell her tonight since I stupidly made a big deal about it yesterday. Perhaps waiting a week or so would be a better idea. I definitely owe her an apology for my peculiar actions but I don't want to keep bringing this issue up.

Should I tell her now since she may have seen this and just been lying or should I wait it out? I don't think my confession would ruin our friendship but I really do like this girl and I want to make things work out as best I can.

I should also say that your hub is very accurate. Before reaching this point I have consulted a friend and taken a lot of time for introspection. This is definitely the real deal. Thanks so much for being an open ear and a kind word. These sorts of matters are the times when people need those things most.

"Whoever you are, I have always depended on the kindness of strangers." -Tennessee Williams


Earth Angel profile image

Earth Angel 5 years ago Author

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh, blessings to you Chris . . .

Isn't new love just sometimes THE MOST confusing of all raw emotions? I am so sorry that your transition from meeting to best friends to romance has had some stops and starts . . .

Alas, most romances do begin this way . . . It's very rarely hearts and flowers in a straight line forward . . .

Four months is a short period of time . . . And yet I have been there myself, becoming engaged in less than 90 days . . . The length of time does not in any way affect the validity of your strong and very real feelings . . .

Time does, however, our hearts the opportunity to sort things out within the context of our lives that have become so complicated . . .

Your beloved had a boyfriend, then no boyfriend, then another . . . Really, true relationships due not come and go that quickly . . . Maybe infatuation or a crush . . . And for those I wouldn't worry too much . . .

Sounds like she is just trying to figure out about life and love and what it all means . . . We are all trying to do that . . . We all just take different steps in the process . . . In that regard, time is important . . .

Trust is a key element in love . . . And trust is built over time . . . A person making sound, reasonable, fair, compassionate, enlightened decisions, large and small, over an extended period of time . . .

If your beloved can really change boyfriends that fast, then there is no reason she wouldn't do the same to you . . . Not because she is bad or hurtful, she just is trying to figure it all out like the rest of us . . . And that does take time . . .

It sounds like she likes you enough to feel a tug at her heartstrings when you mention another girl . . . but maybe not enough to have a full romance . . . We are all flattered by someone's constant attention - and rarely want to lose it - even if it comes from a person we do not want to date exclusively . . . As much as that may pull at your heartstrings, it is better to know that now . . .

Remember always, 'no means no' . . . Always . . . No if's, and's or but's or maybe's . . . No trying to convince someone else that you could be their everything . . . You could be the very best thing that ever happened to her, but if she said no once then you have to abide by that . . .

If you are getting 'mixed signals' the answer is still no . . .

Don't you think she would have much more respect for a guy who listens to what she says and moves on . . . It certainly would wake me up . . . She may realize you really are the one she wants to be with . . . And then she will give you a clear yes . . .

Please keep me posted . . . I send you warmest regards . . . EarthAngel . . .


Chris 5 years ago

Earth angel, I have been reading though a lot of your comments and posts and think that it sounds like you give amazing advice so I was hoping for some myself.

About 4 months ago I met the new girl at work. And we hit it off really well. We sat in a parking lot until midnight.. Exchanging thoughts... Memories and just learning about each other. I found out she had a boyfriend and I was ok with that. We talked for two months and everyday I spoke to her, she stole my heart that much more. I finally realized I had become her best friend. And she was my best friend. When she broke up with her boyfriend, I was sitting with her at a subway. And a few days later I told her I like her and she told me that she didnt want a boyfriend.

The next day she was in a relationship with another guy. She told me she didn't want to hurt me and that she didnt like me like that.

So I decided I was going to try and stop liking her. I decided that if I met another girl I could stop thinking about her... The next day I tried to talk to her about another person and she told me it made her feel uncomfortable. She tol me she liked me... And it hurt her for me to talk about other girls.

Now she says that she can't date me because she doesn't want to lose me as her best friend but I know that if we dated... I could be her everything. I love this girl... And I don't know what to do..


Earth Angel profile image

Earth Angel 5 years ago Author

Dearest ILuv . . .

Thank you for sharing your situation with me . . . I am always honored when people turn to me for suggestions . . .

One of the reasons we are indirect with our feelings is because we do not want to get hurt . . . If we expose our feelings and they are not reciprocated then we are hurt and/or embarrassed . . . So we go to great lengths talking to others trying to get clues . . .

The problem is that being in a relationship hurts sometimes . . . It's just the nature of two individuals trying to blend their lives . . . There is no way to avoid it . . .

So trying to avoid it in the beginning does not bode well for long term . . .

If you are truly sure of your feelings for your dearest friend, then you need to be more direct with him . . . And leave all the other people out . . .

I am delighted you have someone in your life that you are so close to . . . It is a treasure . . . It is sacred . . . Don't dilute it by 'he said she said . . .'

Please keep me posted . . .

Blessings to all of you this wonderful Sunday morning . . .

EarthAngel


ILuvUKenton 5 years ago from The corner of Forever and Heartbreak

hey. I am currently in this situation.

One of my friends, brayton, and I have been really close for about 9 years now. NOW, I may have a little crush on him. HE KNOWS EVERYTHING about me and a neighbor of mine (who happens to be another friend of mine), tells me she talked to braytons brother and he said brayton said he didn't know.

About us. Now both my friend/neighbor and braytons little brother have a problem with lying sometimes.. so idk to believe them or not. There's so much chemistry between me and brayton and he seems different, more relaxed, around me so idk if they were telling the truth.Please, if you have time, read my hub "*A Note To My Friend Brayton" so u can see how close we r.

Thank you.


Earth Angel profile image

Earth Angel 5 years ago Author

Blessings and good morning Shadowfacet . . .

Welcome to HubPages . . . It is an amazing community . . .

Thank you for commenting . . . When I read the comments above from others I come away with a much different conclusion . . . I see hope and self reflection and self responsibility and an endless variety of the way love shows its face . . .

I don't think being introverted makes it harder . . . I think being introverted can make things much more real . . .

I also see in the comments by others above how complicated we make love . . . But love is not complicated at all . . . Life is complicated . . . Love is quite simple . . .

I think above you will also see how many wonderful people feel the same urge as you to confess and get feelings off your chest . . . This I generally advise against . . .

One of the reasons I advise against it is because it seems so one-sided . . . Confessing is for the relief of the person doing the confessing . . . . Anything that one-sided has nothing to do with love . . .

Love takes into account both sides always . . . And very often puts the beloved first before self . . . Unless you are pretty sure she would welcome your heart stirrings I would give this some more thought . . .

You cannot unring a bell . . . And yes, confessing romantic inclinations forever changes a relationship . . . It is never the same after . . . It can get better and closer . . . Or not . . .

If you want to unburden yourself of these unresolved feelings there are many other ways . . . Talk to a friend . . . Write . . . Share on HubPages like you are doing . . .

These are always good steps to begin with anyway . . . It helps you get more clear about your own feelings and intentions . . . And motivations . . .

I find so often that when feelings are surfacing about a beloved there is usually something else going on in life as well . . . Pressure from home . . . School . . . Hormones . . . Expectations from parents . . . Divorce . . . Illness . . . A break-up of some kind . . . A loss of some kind . . . (Or a great joy of some kind that wants to be shared . . .)

Talking it out with someone other than the beloved helps settle the water in a muddy pond so you can see more clearly . . .

After all that if you still feel you need to share your feelings with this someone special, then I would encourage you to do so . . . Gently . . . Respecting fully the shyness of you both . . .

Instead of charging full speed ahead with professions of love, there is nothing wrong with something more subtle . . . 'Sometimes I think of you in special ways . . .' 'I had a dream we were closer . . . ' 'Do you ever see us as more than just friends . . .?' Whatever seems most loving and appropriate while giving her space to process what she has just heard . . .

I hope some of this resonates with you . . .

Please keep me posted . . . I wish for you only love and joy and mutual blessings for you and your beloved . . .

Blessings always, EarthAngel . . .


Shadowfacet 5 years ago

Hi it's shadowfax except with an account now.


Shadowfax 5 years ago

Well after reading the innumerable comments from similarly lovelost people I feel no option but to add my comments to this haples romantic comunity.

To start with I am an introvert, don't take this the wrong way I love who I am and wouldnt have it any other way. Given the choice between partying and reading the choice to me seems obvious.

As with everyone else here my problem lies with the fact that now new feelings have unearthed themselves. She is the most wonderful thing that has ever happens to me and although I find myself unable to sleep I don't regret a single second. I love her so much but when it comes to trying to explain this although she may be as a hoplles romantic as me she is one of the most shy people I know when it cones o the real thing, not that I'm any different.

To be truthful I don't really know what I expect from this apart from being able to get it of my chest. I know her well enough that I feel I could tell her anything, I have confidence that even were our feeling not mutual she would understand, for what I want is not romance for rances sake but more a confession of what lies in my heart.

Make of this what you will and any words of wisdom would be greatly appreciate, but mostly thank you for reading.


Earth Angel profile image

Earth Angel 5 years ago Author

Blessings for the New Year to you Gaikotopazi . . .

It is wonderful to hear from you again . . . Even though your words do sound a bit exhausted, it is okay . . . Living and loving well is hard work . . . Well worth the effort, but a lot of effort indeed . . .

I hope/trust your exams go well and that neither of you are too distracted by feelings that tug at the heartstrings . . .

Trust a bit more in Divine Intervention . . . The Universe really does conspire to help us and give us all our heart's desires . . .

For our part we need to be clear and without hesitation . . . Your hesitation may be that you know deep in your heart that this wonderful girl, no matter how special, is not the soul mate you are to travel through eternity with . . .

There is nothing wrong with being single . . . I LOVE being single . . . I am surrounded by amazing friends and am included in sooooooooo many more things/groups/events than if I were part of a two-some . . .

Yes, always remember that actions do speak louder than words by an estimated ten-times . . . Psychologists believe our ability to communicate with each other only includes seven percent (7%) verbal words . . .

Trust your instincts . . . If it does not feel right then do not spend too much time being sad . . . You have many great adventures before you with school and career . . . And the right and perfect person will come along at the right and perfect time . . .

Please keep me posted . . . Know that I send you nothing but the very BEST for happiness, love and abundant life always . . . . EarthAngel . . .


Gaikotopazi 5 years ago

hello angel earth, happy new year to you, may this year bring you lots of

I've promised that i'll keep you posted about the events after exams.Well, the fact, we'll start exams soon but i guess right now, i've only been in a dream world just like in the past.

Inasmuch as we could be friends, i don't think she could ever give me the chance.Even if deep within her it feels right, something is surely gonna make her not give me a chance. I may sound a bit pessimistic but i guess somethings just can't be explained, maybe love is not for everyone, or well put i guess i'll do well all by myself, the fact is i guess it's time i stay in a real world and in that real world of mine, i always see myself being by myself enjoying my solitary life,i'm not trying to say though that there is no happiness in togetherness.

It's our recent conservations that has led me to these conclusions. As i've learnt from you, i listen and analyse her responses to every question of mine diligently. Even though some things were obvious long ago, i guess i'm someone who like duelling on positivism, being unduely optimistic and believe that that magic moment would just come and change everything.....

I've been unduely optimistic in all areas of my life, it pays off certain times but when the odds are against it, i guess it's time to bow down.

Honestly i'm let down by myself and by other things but i don't wanna put any blame on anyone even though she makes me feel like she's just been expecting me to her something.

Excuse me,there may seems to be some sort of redundacy in my writing but i just can't help myself because i'm overwhelmed with feelings and sentiments.

Maybe i might be wrong about my judgements since i've not asked her directly, but actions they say speak louder than words, and i guess i'd probably prefer to be wrong about my judgement.

So this is my story...I know very well that my life sucks but maybe i could still make a lot out of it though(here i go again....being optimistic...)

Well, i feel somehow exhausted, i wish i could say more, but all that i can see in myself now is the same old person, who has never tried to venture......and maybe i'm quite proud of it, for now i guess i'll just keep my fingers crossed, and enjoy my solitude life.

Thanks Earth Angel, your comments really inspire me and i would like to know what you think about this situation.

Wishing you a prosperous new year once more!!!( You've made a reference to my english in your last comment, but i have to admit that i'm not a native speaker, but i do hope i'm making some sense though)


Earth Angel profile image

Earth Angel 5 years ago Author

Dearest Gaikotopazi . . .

I'm glad some of my words resonated with you . . . I'm glad to be of service . . .

First loves are just as valid, sometimes more so, than any other . . . They are often more pure and less jaded than those that follow after much experience . . . And yes, sometimes first loves do last a lifetime . . .

It is good to be sensitive to the pressing issues in both your lives at the moment, like exams . . . Once you can both take a deep breath and relax a bit, the time for sharing might be more appropriate . . .

Your English is really quite good with a poetic nature that is endearing . . . A caution to some of your word choices, like 'win' above . . . In English that implies someone else's 'loss' . . . I hear in your heart that you only want good things for all parties concerned . . .

Take it slow and easy . . . There is no need to jump into the river without first testing the waters . . . As her dear friend you should be able to dialog with her about her feelings, her current boyfriend, her family and beliefs, her future plans and how she sees her life unfolding . . .

Really listen to her answers . . . If she is deeply connected to her family and her faith, and you do not envision yourself converting to her valid belief system, then there is no reason to jump head first into the river causing you both unnecessary pain and loss . . .

I wrote this Hub as a caution to those whose feelings for someone else may be clouding their judgement in taking the next step . . .

You will know if sharing your heart is the right thing to do . . . If it doesn't feel right, or the timing is not right, or there is someone else in the picture, or it goes against their belief system, then don't do it . . . You can't take it back . . . No more than you can unring a bell . . .

Read some of the many comments above from people sharing a similar dilemma . . .

I will hold all of you in love and light for a positive outcome . . . Frienships are truly a gift from above . . . Relationships are sacred . . .

Blessings in abundance and clarity, Earth Angel . . . .


Gaikotopazi 5 years ago

Hello Dearest Earth Angel, thank you very much for your response.I really do appreciate it.

Well, honestly she's a woman i could marry, i don't think i just wanna share my immediate desires and feelings for her.

Maybe the situation maybe complex on my part because i've never been in a relationship before( i mean never had a girlfriend, i'm not really too sociable) I know this said might cloud my strong feelings for her and make me seems like just an amateur who thinks his first win will last forever.But i guess i know pretty well i could go a long way with her, not just immediate plans and moreover i've had crushes before so i guess i do already know it's not my naivety in this regards that makes me blinded and infatuated with her. I guess you do get my point.

Right now we're in examination period so i'll not to approach her on the issue as yet so as not to demorailze her because she can be really emotional.But i'll try my possible best to tackle the issue as you've suggested,( i really do like it because i've not thought of it before and morever i always have the fear the way things will turn around once i've confided in her) and i'll keep you equally posted.

Thanks again very much and wishing you all the best in your endeavors.


Earth Angel profile image

Earth Angel 5 years ago Author

Dearest Gaikotopazi . . .

Blessings to you and yours this Holiday Season . . . I am so sorry that you are going through such angst with your dear friend with whom you would love to have a deeper relationship . . .

I have never assummed that differences in race, nationality, geography or religion preclude those who truly love one another from being together . . . My former husband and I are different races and religions and it enhanced our relationship immensely . . .

The strain our families put upon us, however, were what ultimately ended our marriage . . . But we remain close friends to this day . . .

In our case, there was no other boyfriend or girlfriend in the picture . . . For me, this would be a boundary I would not cross . . . If she has a boyfriend, no matter how casual or unsatisfactory, I would consider her off-limits . . .

Plus, sometimes when a girl has a boyfriend, but she knows her male friend secretly has a crush on her, she may play down the seriousness of the boyfriend as to not hurt the male friend's feelings . . .

If she is not serious about her current boyfriend, but still with him, you have to ask yourself why? Not hurting his feelings is not a good enough answer . . .

The old adage is true: "How you get them is how you loose them . . ." If you can take her away from her current boyfriend, you will always be wondering who will take her away from you . . .

It is especially difficult when distance and separate Universities and separate countries enter the equation . . .

My advise is always to end completely, and heal from, one relationship before entering another . . .

What are your hopes for this relationhsip? Other than your immediate desire to share your feelings with her - and want to make her happy, I do not read any future intentions on your part??

Is this a woman you would like to marry? Or is it too early to tell? You don't need to forget her altogether as it seems you have a really solid friendship that would continue?

One thing you did write above that concerns me: How do i

make her get into my life..

Those words may just be a poor translation . . . No one can make someone get into their lives . . . One can invite someone into their life, but if the invitation is not reciprocated, then the answer is no . . .

There is no forcing anyone to do anything against their will . . . Ever . . . I'm sure you know that but I just wanted it to be clear . . .

From the little I have learned from you above, I would 1) first get clear about my own feelings and intentions, and then 2) see if she can, or is willing, to be more clear about hers and her current boyfriend . . .

Please let me know if any of that helps . . . Please keep me posted . . .

Blessings always, Earth Angel . . .


Gaikotopazi 5 years ago

Please i have a very big problem here and i hope ti hear your opinion on the matter.

Well, i'm 20 years old boy, i'll turn 21 pretty soon.I'm a christian and i've met this muslim

girl more than a year now.Actually we 're in the same university and we've been friends

all these while. I've fallen for her quite a long time ago but i been been keeping my feelings

to myself for about a year now. I call her more oftenly, send her messages, give her gifts

and a whole lot of other things.

Well i actually try to see if she's also into me, sometimes she makes me feel like she's really

into me, but girls are really complex, i still can't get the real picture. She confides in me

on almost everything.She tells me about her past relationships and the present.She tells

me secrets about her relationship, recently she told me she doesn't really love the boyfriend

who's also a muslim but only that, she's pretending so that he could not be hurt because

he realy loves her. But currently i don't think things are still going on between them as the

boyfriend has moved to another university and more over she has changed her social network

status of been engaged to an open relationship.

The fact is i feel really bad about myself because i can't help myself but think of her all the time.

Moreover we belong to different races as i'm a black and she's white....well, we've been through

a lot of things but we've never hang out outside school before as her parents wouldn't allow her to.

Right now, we will be specialising in different majors starting from the next semester and

possibly in different cities..I just don't know what to do..i swear i would do everything for

her just to make her happy and i try to do that as a friend..Should i tell her how i feel and

how do i tell her..? Also, i'm a foreign student and obliged to leave after my studies.I really

want to let her know how i feel...i guess she flirts with me more times, she likes being close

to me, she tells the friends how nice looking and nice person i am but i'm afraid to tell her

my feelings even though i sometimes sense that she's aware..Please help me out. How do i

make her get into my life.. What what do you think i should do, either forgetting about her

altogether..please i need your opinion..even though my ideas are not present in a good manner

i do hope you have a gist of what i meant because there are a lot of things on my mind and i don't

know how to exactly present the situation so that you could give me your opinion...So please,

i'm really desperate...Thanks in advance.


dasblau 5 years ago

Well, if I was anybody else but me, I would go for it, take the leap of faith. I just need an impulsive moment to tell her, and it has to have the best timing ever. I was asking my male best friend (we are small group) about her. He knows me well, and told me to go for it. I want to go for it, but were are undergoing a rough moment, with exams, we both want to go away from the place we come from as soon as possible. I don't know if this emotional roller coaster is what we both need right now. I just finished chatting with her on the phone, and I really don't think she seems to grasp how much I care for her. Maybe it's because I fail to actually convey how much I am feeling. Anyway, I would tell myself to make up my mind fast, for time is slipping away carelessly and our senior year will be over before we realize it. I just want to help her, she is struggling in the classes, and every time I offer to stay after school to help her, she tells me that it is OK. Her individuality is ruining her. She used to be really happy, she made my day, but now, it's really weird. I guess it's just the way things come and go. We'll go to the movies this Friday, lets see how it goes. I just wish I could make her happy. Anyways, I would love your insight on this. I used to suck when it came to women, probably because when I was little I was scared of girls. Maybe this is why I cannot connect with her. I would love to love her in many ways, but if support is what she needs, waiting is not the problem.

I remember a HUGE argument I had with a teacher I had a few years ago. She told me that young love didn't exist, and I just laughed at her. I like the way you understand the pureness of young love. The pink glass is often true, but not here, I actually tried not liking her, but it was impossible. Everything about her is flawless.

Thanks for everything Earth Angel. I wish everything you do goes well :)

Greetings from Central America :)

If everybody was like you, our world would be completely different, in a good way.


Earth Angel profile image

Earth Angel 5 years ago Author

Blessings to you Dasblau . . .

You write very well for English not being your first language . . . I appreciate you sharing your heartfelt words . . . And your anguish over what to do . . .

Many adults will tell you that first loves are not real and will try to dimiss your very real feelings . . . Over the years I have come to learn that those first feelings in youth are very pure and can change the course of your life . . .

Many older people also think that 'love is blind' or that we see our beloved through 'rose colored glasses . . .' I think that when we are young we more easily see the true heart of another . . .

I would ask you to read your words again as though you did not know who wrote them . . . Read them as though someone wrote to you asking for advice . . .

Let me know what advice you would offer . . . And then I will let you know what I read between the lines . . .

Blessings to you and your beloved . . .

Earth Angel . . .


dasblau 5 years ago

You have really proved to be an Earth Angel, I love that song :).

You've helped many undisclosed lovers, please help me! I would be forever grateful :)

My best friend is basically the person that has been helping me the past two years.

I have liked her since middle school, odd enough she is the only thing I remember about those years. I have grown, I started dating a rather conflicting girl that ended up hurting me a lot. She was the cushion for my fall, she let me tell her everything, although we were not that great of friends back then. Turns out, she is the greatest girl in the world, she is everything, and not loving her would be ridiculous. The problem is, I think she only sees me as a friend. She is always on the watch for cool guys, although she never flirts, and she sticks by me whenever we have time. Physically-wise, we have been very odd, I rarely even kiss her cheek to say hi to her, let alone hug her. This is my problem. I used to be a person that would only care about making out at a party and getting drunk. She has changed me, she is basically the only reason I want to finish school. I really don't think she likes me, but this is turning me mad. It's so odd. I don't know how to tell her I love her. Life has showed me that physical contact, like hugging, is one of the best ways of telling a girl that you want her. I used to be able to do that, but she is special, she has toned me down. We enjoy the same music, love the same things (except some rather known vampire books). We hang out almost every weekend. That said it is safe to say that she doesn't find me bothersome and annoying.

I used to be impulsive, and my feelings relied on that lifestyle, but now, I think of her day and night, dream of her, write about her. Last night I dreamed of her in my arms, which was weird because I have only hugged her twice, the dream was so lucid it baffles me.

So I'm stuck with the her as a friend. Every day, it grows harder to contain myself. I would never do anything to her, but I really think that she would see me as a threat if I told her that I loved her. I have seen some girls take those three words so badly I am scared.

Right now, I just care about her. Plus, I really don't think that she finds me attractive, I'm not that handsome blue-eyed blonde, but I really don't think I'm terribly bad. Do you think that can be changed? I mean, does it matter that much?

She values intelligence, the way someone cares about her, but she also values physical appeal, after all we are both teenagers. Next year, we will graduate, and I don't want to live my life thinking about what might have happened. Once, I told her that I loved her on a jokingly tone, like a friend loves a friend. She laughed and told me that she loved me too. I really don't doubt her, after all, I would trust her with anything.

What should I do?

Thanks so much, really, you are like a heavenly guardian angel for all those troubled souls that have love problems.

Bless you, dasblau.

Sorry for my diction, although I love english, it is not my first language.


Earth Angel profile image

Earth Angel 5 years ago Author

Dearest Susan,

I will keep you in my prayers . . . Love will come your way . . . I promise . . .

Blessings always, Earth Angel . . .


Susan 5 years ago

Hello Earth Angel,

Thank you much for your reply.

I could understand your thoughts. Maintaining realtionships in life are many times complex and need to be handled with care.

I take your suggestions and will keep you updated.

Thanks again!


Earth Angel profile image

Earth Angel 5 years ago Author

Dearest Susan . . .

I am so sorry you are in so much pain . . . It does indeed feel awful when the object of our affection may not feel the same way back . . .

Sometimes when we are the ones with the affectionate feelings for someone else, and we ask that someone else how they feel about an old flame, it puts them in a hard position to be fully truthful with us . . .

It sounds like that is what happened with your friend . . . He has unresolved feelings for someone else, but knowing how you felt, didn't want to confide in you fully about it . . .

With the limited information you provided above, I would suggest honoring the friendship between you and let any idea of romance go for now . . .

As for myself, the reason I wrote this Hub is because too many people in my life wanted a deeper relationship that I couldn't give them . . .

I would talk with them and we would seem get our friendship back on track - and I was delighted . . . And it would happen again . . .

Too many times I have had to permanentely END friendships that meant a great deal to me because the other party had other ideas/hopes/dreams that I did not share . . .

What is sad is that many of them have come back and apologized for being so fixated . . . But having been burned several times by the same person, there is just no bridging the gap any more . . .

Your friend is leaving the country for work but did extend an invitation to stay in touch . . . It sounds like your friendship is important to him as well . . .

Let it go gentle soul . . . Like a butterfly . . . There is nothing you can do to draw it near . . . Only provide a safe and loving place for it to land when it returns . . .

Please keep me posted . . .

Blessings always, Earth Angel . . .


Susan 5 years ago

Hi Earth Angel,

I am really impressed on your way of reply to many problems and am here to get your help for my life.

I am a girl and I have developed a close friendship with a guy for the past 4 years. He is very humorous and easy going but does anything only after deep thinking and analysis. We use to discuss about many things in life and share our sorrows and problems and he appreciates me many times on my thoughts which made me feel him very closer to me.I thought even he was feeling the same.

Once during start of our friendship he mentioned about his ex love (a few years before) and how he regretted of it.But he said he had no love for her anymore and also had no contact until an year before when he happened to meet her again.

The lost friendship bloomed between them after this and they started hanging out together .I missed him more during these days and started calling him manytimes. But whenver i asked about their relationship, he denied saying they are just friends and so I trusted his words. This made me to realise my love and decided to let him know sooner.But recently in one of our conversation he revealed that he tried again to disclose his feelings for her but it seemed to have not worked out and so he backed off.

I then realised that he had been only as a friend to me like many other friends he has. So I have stopped contacting him for a few months and planned to be away to keep him and myself in peace. He too said he wont disturb me until I get back to him.Since then I couldnt stop thinkng of him.

He called me a week earlier to inform on his departure to other country for his career and asked me to be in touch. I really didnt wish to lose him as a friend and also unclear on how to proceed with this relationship wihtout understanding his thoughts. I dont want to try anything based on assumptions and end up in trouble.

Please help with yur suggestions and thoughts.


Earth Angel profile image

Earth Angel 5 years ago Author

Dearest Aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!!

So glad you realize that not all relationships unfold in the same way! Neither do roses!! Or the waves upon the ocean!

As long as you are honest with yourself about your relationship, which then allows you to be honest with the other person, then you are unfolding with divinity as the core!

Yes, thank you, please keep me posted!

Blessings always, Earth Angel!


Aaaaah! 5 years ago

hello earth angel

I completely agree with what your saying. I think because my friend was confused she made me think something was wrong, but what's happening with me and him is just the way things have panned out naturally. My friend is not like me in the way of relationships, she would go out with a number of people casually, but I am the opposite. I would not get into anything unless I really felt for that person. I am truly happy with the way things are going because me and him both feel comfortable.

thank-you so much for replying, I shall keep you updated.:)

xx


Earth Angel profile image

Earth Angel 5 years ago Author

Blessings to you Ahhhhhhhhhhh,

Of course I remember your comments and my responses!! I am so glad you are connecting with your beloved slowly but authentically!

Now I'm a little confused?? Sounds like you and your beloved are doing just fine!? But your friend is confused?? Friends being confused is just a natural part of the process! They are on the outside and have their own set of expectations about relationships!! They only want the best for us and when our relationships don't fit into standard social boxes they get confused!

If you and yours are happy with how things are unfolding, what's the problem??

I'm so happy for you!! Let me know!!??

Blessings always, Earth Angel!!


Aaaah! 5 years ago

Hello earth angel. I posted here a couple of months ago about the problem I am having with my friend. From where I left off, I had told my friend how I felt and you advised me that there may be some "new distance" between us. Well, I'll full you in on the general situation.

Since I told him there was no awkwardness or distance between us, in fact, it was the opposite. Me and him met up every other day, usually going places just us. He's at college now and I can't count how many times he said "i can't describe how much I'll miss you" etc. He makes sure me meet up at weekends when He's home. I've talked to my friend about it and even she's really confused. When i tell her the things he says to me she's incredulous and says that he must like me more than a friend. She says that the things he says to me are basically what her boyfriend says to her. Well. if my friend does, he still hasn't made it clear. I know he hasn't been in a relationship before so I sometimes get the impression that he might like me but is afraid to tell me. Should I ask him about it soon?

thank-you for your time.xo


Earth Angel profile image

Earth Angel 5 years ago Author

Hi!!

No problem!! It just confused me a bit!! I'm up to my ears in moving again!! I hope you are doing well!!??

Blessings always, Earth Angel!!


jay  5 years ago

yea its me sorry


Earth Angel profile image

Earth Angel 6 years ago Author

Blessings to you this morning Chris . . .

Age and length of time knowing one another isn't nearly as important as maturity . . .

I know many people who have dear friends and they all like to smoke . . . But none of them would consider their smoking friends to be mate material . . .

Sounds like you guys are just good friends . . . If you want to take it to a higher level (pun intended) then stop smoking for six months and see how you feel at that time . . .

Good luck . . .

Blessings always, Earth Angel . . . .


Chris 6 years ago

Ok so I've been Really good friends with this girl that I've known through school. About 10 years I'm 23 now. At first I wasn't really attracted to her but as time passed I really started liking her.

I've always been really close to her even when she's dated most of my friends. She doesn't know how I feel about yet. But I guess I'm just worried what will happen. I should have more confidence but I don't want to ruin anything.

But I can't really explain how our relationship is via blog post. But we do alot together. We chill and smoke almost everyday(which I hate sometimes because I just get so blazed I can't even speak and just feel awkward) we go to movies and stuff. She brought me to her brothers wedding.

I don't know if I'm just blowing it out of proportion. People always ask me if me and her are dating and I respond no were just good friends. But are we? We've never hooked up. I think I just have memory stuck in my head from 7th when we were sitting at the lunch table and the girls were talking about me and she had said she wasn't attracted to me. Which surprised me because I'm great looking lol jk but I geuss I just took that as she's not attracted to me now so I geuss she never will but that was nearly 10 years ago.

I have very strong feelings for her but don't no how or even if I should tell her.

I'd like to hear what you have for advice


Earth Angel profile image

Earth Angel 6 years ago Author

Hi IceDed9801 - are you Jay above??

Blessings, Earth Angel!!


icedude9801 6 years ago

the question randonmy poped up and i didnt know what to say and she and her boyfriend are not going to break up but im afraid if i tell her she wont be friends with me anymore


Earth Angel profile image

Earth Angel 6 years ago Author

Hello Jay!!

Just by accident I saw your comment show up in my in-box a few moments ago!! I am swamped right now with moving but thought I would take a moment to address your situation!!

She asked and you blinked!! I have been in that situation before and have done the same thing!!

When the time is right in the next few days tell her that you would like to 'revisit her question!' That her question had caught you off guard because you are so close and she has a boyfriend!

Ask her why she asked the question she did!?? And then listen very carefully to her answer!!

Is it because her boyfriend is jealous and insists that you have feelings for her and doesn't want you hanging out together as much??

Is it because she is about to break up with her boyfriend and was hoping the two of you might connect??

Was it just an open question, like, 'where does thread come from' and not in need of an in-depth answer??

Listen to her answer; give her time to think and accept what she has to say!! It may not be at all what you imagine!! It may be even better!!

Loving someone does NOT add stress to their lives; quite the opposite!! Not being truthful adds stress to someone's life because they know deep inside what they are being told does not reasonate clearly in their soul!!

Please keep me posted as to how it unfolds!! Again, just ask her, gently, why she brought it up, and LISTEN for the answer!! Woman are good at sharing!!

Blessings always, Earth Angel!!


jay 6 years ago

dear earth angel,

ive been best friends with this girl for four years and i think im in love with her. We hang out almost everyday and help each other out. My problem is that she has a boyfriend thats shes been going out with for 6 months and likes him a lot, but at the same time there might be a small chance she might like me as well, but im not sure.

I was at her house the other day and she randomly asked me if i ever liked her and stupidly i said that i used to but not anymore even though i do. I said this because she has a lot going on in her life now and i dont want to put more stress on her because i care about her. I have also been helping her out in her relationship with her boyfriend because i dont want to see her get hurt but at the same time i want that relationship to be over and i dont know what to do.

I dont know if i should tell her now or not.

please help


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Earth Angel 6 years ago Author

Trust your intuition Caroline, trust your intuition!!

"Let it be . . . "

Blessings, EarthAngel!!


Caroline 6 years ago

thanks for your response. you really open my eyes and ive always thought that i shld let it be but i have that "its now or never" feeling. TT - TT cld you help?


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Earth Angel 6 years ago Author

Apologies from Earth Angel for being so remiss in reponses!! I moved into a nice home recently, that turns out to be infested with toxins, so I am moving yet again!!

In reponse to some of the most recent comments above I offer the following question to ask yourself:

Is what you are 'feeling' in response to some kind of 'social conditioning?' Are you questioning your true 'feelings' or trying to figure out why your 'feelings' do not fit into a standard 'mold?'

We are soooooooooo programed from an early age to accept that the proper order of growth is to go to school, meet someone, date, get a career, get engaged, get married, get a house and have children!

In short, it is a ludicrous equation that doesn't work! Just look at the divorce rate! There is no 'standard mold' for loving relationships!

Where do we get these ideas of 'what is normal?' Mostly from ads on TV and the Internet - or from our parents who have been watching ads on TV and the Internet for years!

The problem is not the ads in themselves, it's our lack of not seeing the ads for what they really are; a way to sell products! They do not sell just 'products' as much as they sell a 'dream!'

Any kind of love we are feeling outside that 'dream' makes us question ourselves!?

All love is real! All love is valid! It need not 'do' anything or 'say' anything or even 'go for it!'

Anything other than pure, simple, love-as-it-is, is love-with-an-agenda!

We want to 'be' with that person!? We want to know that person 'feels the same way, too!?' We want to understand the mysteries and complexities and nail it all down! It's like nailing a butterfly down!?

If you 'love' someone, let it be! It will unfold as it should! It will not go away!

If you have an agenda, get clear with yourself as to what it is, share clearly with the other person and respect their response!

'Yes' is a complete sentence; 'NO' is a complete sentence! Anything less, or more, is just control! And far from love!

People do not lose loving relationships because of time, distance or even age! They lose them because they are not being authentic; with themselves first - and with the object of their affections second!

Love comes in as many shapes and sizes and colors and flavors as people! Honor that love which you are given! Please do not try and put it into some pre-conceived boyfriend/girlfriend box - you will just kill the butterfly!

Hope that helps!

Gotta run!!

Blessings always, Earth Angel!


john 6 years ago

Ive been best friends with this girl for about 3 years now. I see her almost everyday and the more i see her the more i love her. Its hard because she has no idea and i feel she has no idea how i feel. I watch her get close to boys and on the inside it kills but at the same time is good because shes happy. Im not sure if i should keep the great friendship or go for it and risk of losing it... help?


lovely20 6 years ago

Hi i am 20 yrs old.I gotta say something.I am really confused with my life as what to do and how to proceed.Untill scool i never had a thought of loving someone.I was totally dedicated in my carrer.When i came to coll I felt i had a crush on my best friend rite from age 0f 10.We are not that close but.I didn't even know whether it was love or just an attraction or just wanted to have a boyfriend just as others do.3 yrs ago I told him indirectly that I love him.But he didnt understand and we left the topic there.We continued our friendship and became more close.There came another character with i have been little close from the age of 10.Of course he was my first crush too.We stopped speaking in scool final and got back our contacts in college.We had a lots of fights in the beginning and it was me who fought all the time.Solwly we became very vclose and in middle i lost in touch in touch with the guy to whom I expressed my love playfully.I totally forgot him.I became very very very close to this guy.And our friendship was reconstructed again.More strongly this time.Our relation was all the time above the mark of friendship.At a point I realised that i need him badly in my life.There was not even a single day that we were without speaking.Both couldn't survive without each other.When we reached the peak of friendship slowly entering into relation the first came back as a friend.And within a month he expressed his love and I in no time said love u to him.Still i didn't know why did i tell him.perhaps i felt guilty because he loves me just because i said i love him indirectly,though it was playfull according to me.It happened a year ago.The second guy doesnt like him.First of all I took two months time to forget the second guy and then to love the first.Yet I kept comparing and of course the truth is i like and love the second guy more than my lover rite now i am in relation.I will sometimes feel its better to be his friend than to be this first guy's lover.The first guy though so caring and loving i couldn't him love him all from my heart.I feel not comfortable.But sometimes I feel my pick is right.Recently I told the second guy that I loved him but even before I could come to a conclusion I got into relation with him.He was not so shocked and reacted as if he expected.Still he is my one and only best closie on earth.he just asked why didnt i tell him before itself.For a moment there was a uttered silence.He said if i am not sure in relation with the secong guy dont spoil his life just leave him.I dont know what to answer.I jus replied I think I need him and stopped the conversation.Myself and my closie are normal.Because we know each other very well as how we liked each other.We forgot the topic and our relation is healthy as before.He is so understanding.He is the oly one who understood me more well than my mom.now my prob is not to go with second guy and make the relation more complex.I jus want that we both should always be best closies on earth.My total confusion is my relation with the first guy.I am not stable.This day if i feel i need him the next day i feel i dont.Whatever qualities I expext and admire from a guy..I miss it in him.Yet I know I have a soft corner for him.But is it really love or just a liking misinterpreted?I know I missed that second guy and its all over.My only ques is should I really pursue this love or shall I break up?He is so sensitive and he loves me much.Bnut he is not expressive and that becomes a problem.His love makes me love him but the way he shows and when he fails to show it i feel i should break up.What to do????????


lovely20 6 years ago

hi earth angel.......You really rock!!!!!!!!!! Plz continue ur guidance


Caroline15 6 years ago

Hi! Ummm i am 15 years old and i just read this article and i get everything but i mean . . . .i have this friend that i have liked for many years. and I feel like i love him. He's always on my mind and i always smile when we can talk. Being able to be by his side makes really happy. Now, the thing is, i dont exactly know how to say "hey i like u . . . what do you think about me?" Help?


Melody1820 6 years ago

Hello Earth Angel

I was more then surprised when i came across this page... you have amazing wisdom and after reading pretty much everything you said, you were able to leave me with a lot of thoughts.

Anyways, this is my story --

When I was still in high school I feel in love with my best friend, a guy who completed me in everything. Problem was I was dating his best friend and he was dating a friend of mine. At the time I wasn't able to be honest with myself and admit I had any feelings for him... we both knew something was going on but both tried to ignore it due to the situation plus we were fine with being what we could manage as friends. Time passed and me and his best friend finally ended and he was still with the same girl. I am two years older then him, and being as mature as I could be at that time I knew I was feeling something, what ever that could be, but chose to ignore it and continued being friends because that's what i valued more. Problem was that since he was so young he didn't know how to balance things and it really interfered with our friendship where he didn't even know how to be friends. We were trying to be friends but I needed space because I kept feeling hurt when he couldn't even manage to be friends. I knew I needed space so I enrolled in an after school activity to do something I loved, and soon he enrolled in it because his girlfriend was in it too.. I just couldn't take it... I was so hurt more then I thought I'd ever be and my friends saw it was effecting me and told me basically to ask him "face to face" for space and basically break up with him as a friend because I was hurting myself over it. -- I did it, I told him how I was feeling about it - that i was I needed space, you don't seem able to balance this friendship with you're relationship... and everything.... -- I never told him how I really felt, how the fact is that I was in love with him - because by telling him that there would be too much drama an overload between all our friends and it just couldn't be. Plus - I didn't know how he felt about me. We called it "weirdness" something both of couldn't explain - couldn't stop - but didn't know what it was. See the thing is it was a physical relationship it wasn't based on attraction and why I wanted to be with him...he just really completed me. So when we "broke up" our friendship I was able to move on easily to a point meaning I finally felt like I didn't have all those feelings on me anymore and while I did still feel the same I didn't have to deal with him seeing him everywhere. He moved on to - continued dating the same girl but he didn't fully understand why I did what I did either. We stopped talking, we stopped pretty much everything, I left the whole circle of friends we had together- we both went our seperate ways... We were both really not okay weather or not we admitted it... He quit something he loved so much... he was depressed at times...so my/ his friends told me...things weren't right...Me, I was fine however his face, I missed everything, really just the friendship since we were so close yet I did still love him as more then a friend...

Anyways, about three years have passed and his life is back together as far as I know - we spent three years not taking at all... My life, however, is confused..I've been in a relationship with a guy, who I do love, for two years, but things still ern't feeling 100% right with him, something is still missing. It's like these passed two years have been my confusing years even though I have been happy. He's about to go into college in a different part of the u.s., had (has) a (new) girlfriend who is going to college somewhere different and they don't know exactly what they're going to do (tho they apprently ended it* i'm not sure, I think think they may try to work it out)anyways as you see we are both on completely different parts. I don't know how he's felt over all this time but I know how I felt - I still loved him and still I love him and I think I always will... I miss him...I miss my bestfriend....

Anyways something came up in my life in my family. A family member is having an affair with a married man. This truely upset me because everyone knows he won't leave his wife and she still wants to be with him. She says she loves him and won't leave him. Even when I asked her to she won't. This is the second time the affair has happened...she saw him before I was born and walked away...just like I walked away from my bestfriend... it was the right thing to do...anyways her actions and the fact she's back in this affair really affected me.--- After three years I was able to finally admit to myself that I have always loved my bestfriend. I said it out loud for the first time while fighting with her over her affair... I said it for the first time - and it led me to do something crazy.

He was leaving and even though I am happy and in a relationship I had to confront my ex-bestfriend before he left. I knew if I was able to fully move on that I'd need to see him one more time. I needed to tell him the truth. So I randomly drived to his house to say good bye. I went to him as friend for advice and to tell him the truth. I knew if I called or naything he would ignore me and make sure he would never see me becasue thats hows its been for three years. I finally got the balls to go and see him. I drove to his house yesterday... he was home...He was surprised as ever to see me...we talked about what had gone on the passed years..like always it was easy as ever to talk to him....but when he needed to leave I confronted him and told him the real reason I left him three years ago.. because I was in LOVE with him. I told him I didn't expect him at the time (meaning 3years ago) to recipricate the feelings or act on it then. I didn't expect him to do anything the other day either.. I just needed to tell him. Then he left and I left (we talk a little bit more about it before I left but I think he was as shocked as I was that I actrully said it...and I honestly don't know how he was feeling either..I mean his feelings could have totally passed too or not..I don't know.

We both left...I finally said good bye... yet I don't want it to be good bye...I don't know if I just want my friendship back with him or more... But I feel like I need to tell him that yes I do love him but I want him to have a good time at college .. to find love and to be happy... cuz I just want the best for him...if our paths cross that's great and if anything happens thats great...but yes I am too still in a exculsive committed relationship that I am happy in... I just feel like there are still words left unsaid and I don't know how to tell him them again... Don't know how to ask for a friendship- don't know if he needs time... I just feel so lost...

Me and him had this song "wait for you" by Elliot Yamin (from American IDOL) that even back then seemed like it fit with how we were feeling then and how it seems like it always would be... I just wonder if maybe in the future would we even had a chance at love (if he feels that way) or if I can at least get my friendship back because I believe he is actully mature enough to have a friendship.....

Thanks Earth Angel for listening to me...


Earth Angel profile image

Earth Angel 6 years ago Author

Blessings, Namaste' and Deeksha to you HelpMe!!

My heart is saddened that your wonderful friendship with benefits has turned this corner! It doesn't mean that the next corner won't be even better - but yes, things have changed!!

Telling someone your deeper love feelings when things have been going well as friends, is risky at best!! Actually, it is not the 'telling' of feelings, it is the 'letting your feelings go in that direction' that is risky!!

We each unfold as people in our own time!! Each relationship, as well, unfolds in its own time!! One is an unaccompanied solo and one is a musical duet!!

If the soloist gets ahead while singing her song, it may go unnoticed!! If one half of the duet gets ahead in singing her song, even in perfect pitch, it creates discord!!

In my world, so would someone texting/calling me if I can't be reached so quickly!! That is not 'love' sweet one, that is 'control!!' Huge red flag for relationships!! I'm sure you know that!!??

I understand that it may have been hard to hold your feelings in check, especially with things going so well and both of your facing school apart in just five days!!

Unfortunately, there is no way to 'unring' a bell!! But maybe it is a good thing for him to hear - and he will appreciate the sound even more when it is no longer so easily available!!??

Of course he likes you; otherwise you wouldn't be best friends!! With benefits!! But at the moment you want to take it to the next level and he is not so inclined!!

Unfortunately, relationships of any kind, are not democracies!! It's not like 'what movie shall we see?' it's more like like wanting to have a baby!! One partner does, the other partner does not! End of discussion; there is no baby!!

That's because for a relationship to work, it takes two people wanting the same thing at the same time!! Otherwise, each individual has the full veto power of one!

I am dealing with a man right now, a dear, dear, dear friend, who wants more from our friendship!! My answer has been the same for years, NO!!

So my best friend thought it only fair that we compromise - you know, kinda meet in the middle; which to him meant he will stop pressuring me to marry him in exchange for me having sex with him!!

I know, it's too funny when you hear about it from someone else's life!!??

Again, 'NO' is a complete sentence!! Always!!

Since college is so close at hand and there are only a few days left, and everyone's emotions are at a fever-pitch, I would take a deep breath, apologize for over stepping unspoken boundaries of the BFF and hope that you can get back on the frienship train!!

It may take him longer to process than you!! Again, nothing you can hurry!! Just have confidence in your loving value to each other!!

Please keep me posted!! I will keep good thoughts for a smooth resolution!!

Blessings always, Earth Angel!


help me 6 years ago

hi. i know this is a very old post but i am feeling the same way about my best guy friend. we have been inseparably close for over a year and this past summer we have moved into friends with benefits although we both have been acting like way more. for instance if i dont answer his text msgs for a few minutes he will text and call me over 10 times until i answer. over the past week and a half i blurted out through text message that i think i like him more than just friends and his reaction was that he was confused. the next day he told me that since we are both going away to college he doesnt want a relationship with anyone and that he thinks we should remain best friends. we ended up getting into a fight so we are not on the best terms. all of his best friends and all of my best friends think that its blatantly obvious that he likes me but is too scared to admit it and he is leaving in 5 days. what do i do?


Earth Angel profile image

Earth Angel 6 years ago Author

Blessings to you this morning LadyAbbieRose!!

My apologies for being a little offending to you!! It is never my intention!! I am an Interfaith Minister and only reach out in love to those who reach out to me!!

My intention is, however to sound the 'awareness' alarm if I sense someone may be happily lulled into falling asleep at the dating wheel!!

Your second set of comments, quite different in tone than your first, shows a woman who has woken up to the harsh realities of dating and intimacy with someone she has only known a short time!

It is also clear that you do not want to be misunderstood!! This is a good thing!!

In order not to be misunderstood, you must first be clear with yourself, and then others, especially a potential intimate partner!!

I love him but I don't think I should tell him yet; I'm not really sure how the other guy/best friend fits into the equation; sleeping in the same bed 'may' mean just cuddling!! As a woman, I get it!!

But, I am sorry to say that in 2010 there are still many men who have been brought up under the macho belief that 'no really means yes!!' The police still take a dim view of women who willingly put themselves in harms way with people they barely know and are now sobbing while laying on a hospital gurney being swabbed with a rape kit!! "I just wanted to cuddle . . . "

I am delighted also that your second set of comments includes some awareness of protection!! That is a good thing!! Awareness is always a start!!

Alas, many of those reading your second set of comments who have experience dealing with the aftermath of those 'unfairly infected by upstanding' partners panic at the naivete' of your assumptions!!

" . . . I've never caught a STD and I understand perfectly about the precautions of sleeping with someone. He is definitely not the sort of guy either to be so irresponsible . . . " That part of your comment got you blasted by many whose responses were too unloving to let be shown here on HubPages!! (To those of you who left those comments; they have been deleted!!)

You don't need to like me - honest, I do not take it personally!! Being liked is not my calling - although I am surrounded by about five hundred people locally and several thousand internationally who do like/love what I stand for and read every single word I write!

The Internet is a wonderful tool for communication!! But it is only a tool!! And unfortunately it gives many the 'illusion' that they 'truly' know someone!! It takes approximately 18 months of being with someone each and every day before you get to know them!!

If you want a truly magical relationship, one that will last a lifetime, it can't be based on illusion!! Or unclear communication!!

I affirm that you will do the right and perfect thing at the right and perfect time!! You seem like a really smart, together woman!! There maybe a couple of lingering blind spots when it comes to relationships - that should have been filled in by your early twenties, but we all have them!!

I trust that you will put yourself in the way of joy and love, and not in the way of harm!!

Have an amazing day today!! The Angels are looking out for you and bringing you delight beyond your wildest dreams!!

Blessings always, Earth Angel!!


LadyAbbieRose 6 years ago

Hello Earth Angel,

Hmmmmmm well firstly, I'm absolutely baffled about (and a little offended) the STD comments?! I should've mentioned that I'm 30 and the friend in question is 33. As much as I hate to go so personal I do have to say that I've never caught a STD and I understand perfectly about the precautions of sleeping with someone. He is definitely not the sort of guy either to be so irresponsible. I have absolutely no desire to just "hop in the sack so quickly" with him - I respect and care greatly about him. Just because you might want to share a bed with that person does not necessarily mean that you want to have sex with them straight away - maybe you just want to hold them and have them hold you back so that the physical side isn't rushed either.

As for the rest then I take on board how intense and scary it would be for him to hear "I love you" from me which is why I said I wouldn't be doing that. All I wanted to do was bring up the idea of us being more than friends and giving a relationship a go.


Earth Angel profile image

Earth Angel 6 years ago Author

Blessings to you LadyAbbieRose!!

How lovely of you to share your feelings so openly and freely!! Thank you!! It pulls at my heartstrings to here a bit of miscommunication might be the underlying issue!!

I am just leaving for an appointment so this response will not be as lengthy as my thoughts!!

'Love' is a pretty powerful word to use for having known someone only four months!! If that is indeed your plan to share your feelings of love with him (I am sooooooooooooo sorry to caution) you need to be prepared for him to bolt!!

Reread my words/comments above about how often we let our feelings run wild and they get ahead of the actual 'real' situation!! When one person's feelings get ahead of the other by too much, the one with lesser feelings is left no choice but to end contact!!

Then reread the eloquent words you wrote above!! But this time, read them as though you were a stranger! A stranger looking at clues for where you are in your life!!

This does not mean that your relationship will not blossom into the love of a lifetime!! But you must allow time for the rose to bloom! You can encourage it with the right soil, water, sunlight and nutrients; but if you try to force the bud to open, you will destroy it in the trying!!

One more note before I really need to leave to meet my client!! The topic of STD's is always part of the equation!! His actions lead me to believe he is more aware of it than you are!!

Soooooooooooooo many times I hear from both sides of a new relationship: "he/she didn't tell me he/she had ___________!!" (Herpes, clamidia, HIV/AIS - there are over 300 common STD's currently in epidemic status!!)

To which the other person responds, "But I didn't know you well enough to tell you something so awful/embarrassing/threatening before we had sex!! It was your idea to kiss and then hop in the sack so quickly!! I tried to hold off!!"

Just some thoughts!!

Please let me know if any of them resonate with you!!

Blessings always, Earth Angel!!


LadyAbbieRose 6 years ago

Hi Earth Angel,

I came across your article as I have fallen in love with a male friend. I saw all your lovely replies so I wanted to put my situation on here for you.

I started chatting to this guy via an online dating site about 4 months ago. We got on really well and our messages were lengthy and promising. At the same time I was also chatting to another guy and I noticed both did volunteer work for the same charity. Basically I mentioned this to them both and discovered they were best friends! What are the chances?! So I asked them both if it was okay to continue contact and they both said yes.

A couple of weeks go by and I discovered that I was developing feelings for one guy more than the other so I decided to take action and ask the guy I liked out for a drink. He agreed but said we would be best off discussing our unique situation. I agreed and we met up.

This guy said that both him and his friend were to blame for the situation - being such nice guys then they have had a lot of rejection from ladies on the dating site and they both expected me to do the same so that's why they agreed to continued contact. This guy told me that he couldn't consider the possibility of a relationship at that time because of his friendship with this other guy. I told him about how much I liked him and what I would've liked to have happened but that I understood. I was more than disappointed.

He drove me home that evening and he kissed me on the cheek and then I found myself kissing him of the lips - we kinda stayed like that for more than a moment or two which felt wonderful and then we parted ways.

We met up a couple more times and there was one time when we did kiss more intimately than before. He asked if I was okay and we kinda leant against each other which felt really nice.

The week after that he told me he won two tickets to the British Grand Prix (we are both big fans!) and I was so happy for him. Later on that week he blew me away by asking if I wanted to go with him! He wanted to either drive up that day (it's a long journey though!) or travel up some of the way the day before, stay in a hotel overnight and then travel the rest of the way in the morning. I told him that I couldn't afford to do the overnight trip and he said he would think about what he wanted to do and would call me the next day.

He called the next morning and said he wanted to do the overnight plan so I braced myself for a no to me joining him so you can imagine my shock when he offered to pay for the coach travel and the hotel so I could go with him!

We had a wonderful weekend together. We shared a room but had separate beds but we laughed together so much but nothing physical happened. This bugged me so the next morning I asked if it was wrong for me wanting to have kissed him since we met up the day before. Basically he said he was being cautious and wanted to see if something was likely to develop before he went any further. He said he didn't want to lead me down garden paths and I might end up being hurt - he said he's been on ther receiving end of it and it was horrible.

We carried on and had a great time together so my prompting of the relationship subject didn't have a detrimental effect on things which is good.

We text each other all the time and even if I leave him alone then he is always texting me to see how I am. He usually calls quite often and we spend loads of time chatting on the phone which I love.

I am due to see him tomorrow and I just cannot keep my feelings inside any longer. I have fallen in love with him but I don't want to spring that on him just yet but I do want to entertain and bring up the subject of being more that just friends with him. I think we are such a good match for each other and I don't think the other friend is an issue anymore. I want to tell him but I am scared of the potential rejection.

Thank you for taking the time to read this and I'm sorry it's a bit lengthy - this is the short version! Hahaha!

LadyAbbieRose x


Earth Angel profile image

Earth Angel 6 years ago Author

Blessings to you New Reader!!

I am so sorry that a close friendship has become distant!! What I think we often forget is that the other person has no choice once we have let our deeper feelings be known!!

Actually, it's not the 'letting deeper feelings be known' that is the root problem!! It is letting our feelings get away from us!!

Feelings come from thoughts!! We can control our thoughts!! We have a responsibility to ourselves, and the object of our affections, to be authentic and real!!

The good news is that rarely do TRUE relationships permanently sink over something like this!!

What has been lost is trust!! Trust that each was pursuing a friendship and not one person in the equation 'secretly' hoping for something more!!

Trust can be regained!! But it takes time!! And it takes consistent, diligent action!!

Once I had a best friend who confessed his love for me and I was completely blind sided!! Not in a good way!!

I had to distance myself from him!! It took about two years but I learned to trust him and we become even closer!!

Until he did it again!!

So give some serious thought to this wonderful connection you share/shared and see if it is something to work on resurecting!!

More importantly, spend some time reflecting on the part you played in this dynamic!!?? What you wanted; what you may have missed; what you hoped for; what you told yourself about the other person that made them irresistable; what about the other person/qualities do you find so attractive - are you able to offer those qualities in return!!?

I am so sorry for your heartache!! There are lessons to be learned!!

Please keep me posted!!

Blessings to you New Reader!! Earth Angel!!


ShouldHaveCameAcrossThisSiteEarlier 6 years ago

Hi Earth Angel, came across this site and really amazed that it is still active after 2 years!

Anyway i read with interest about ur opinions, if only i came across this earlier.

To cut a long story short, I confessed to a really close friend who didnt see me that way. Actually her close female friends knew before that and told her about it. She started distancing herself away and i thought by confessing and moving on it will be better. Things turned awkward (though she didnt say it) but we are really distant now, exchanges are usually by SMSes and when we meet up as a group we dont really talk much.

Really lost as to what to do from here, i really identify with what you said about "saying the three words that will change our relationship forever". She was a great friend and we shared a lot of common experiences together. I really hate to see it sink to the bottom like this..

-New Reader


sdchargersgirl 6 years ago

you were right :) they didnt last very long at all. i told him everything and he said that he doesnt really feel like that, which is cool with me, but we r still close friends :)


Sia 6 years ago

Hi Earth Angel..

Its been a long time since my last post and well I just discovered where the hub has been going and well all I can say is..it is love all over :)

My special best wishes to Ahhh! Here..she sounds like a sweet heart and I hope she gets what she desires..

Well getting to my situation here..In case you remember me..

Well I have tried enough and well I'm sure about one thing, I can't move on. I can't get over him. I've been trying this for like 6 months now but am failing miserably. The anonymous character is totally off. I'm being just me. And since the past 2-3 days I'm feeling as if we are getting closer.

2 days back it was his birthday. I baked a cake for him. :) and he was like soooooo happy. :)

And well we gave him a surprise too. Whatever it may be he is being really sweet to me. He says it almost 5 times a day that I'm soooooooo nicccccceeeeeee...and that I was the BEST! :P

And yesterday I was sleeping in the class. Not exactly sleeping. Just resting with my eyes closed. When I heard him saying to my friend that I wasn't looking my usual self. I was looking cute.

And on the day of his birthday when we were to return to our homes, he went with his cousin to drop a few of our friends. I went with my dad. Btw he dropped me to where my dad was waiting for me. Well so when he went back to our friends and his cousin after dropping me. His cousin was like constantly asking where I was. He was like you didnt introduce me to her. Generally you always talk about her, what a great friend she is, how close you both are, and now you didn't even make us meet.

Well if its a different scenario here. It is there with the other girl too. He surely likes her. Not like totally serious and completely into her but yes still I'm pretty sure he likes her. They both do spend time.

But well so do the two of us.

Dont know where it is heading. Where I'm heading. But well I guess its ok if i like him or love him. If I do..I do..I'll keep it to myself for now. There is nothing wrong in being in love afterall.


ahh! 6 years ago

Hello earth angel

Yes, I know what your saying. I was surprised that he was surprised! I don't know what to do. Some of the things he said sounded like it was out of Pride and Prejudice! like, if there wasn't me then life wouldn't be worth living, but the next thing I know he's telling me that he's not ready to be physically close. I am so confusin because he seemed really happy but reluctant! aaah!!

xxx


Rob 6 years ago

Earth Angel-

I've been best friends with this girl for 7 years and it wasn't until about 2 and a half years ago that I finally told her how I feel. It seemed at times like she felt the same way and at times she didn't. She's told me that I'm the perfect guy for her and that she wants to be with me and she is definitely the girl I want to marry and spend the rest of my life with. But recently she has made it clear that nothing is going to happen between us. I'm so torn up and I just don't know what to do. I don't really have anyone else to talk to about this since she is the closest person I have. It kills me to think that the one person I want to spend my life with doesn't feel the same way about me. I don't want to lose her as a friend because she has been with me through some of the toughest times of my life that I feel like I wouldn't have gotten through with out her. But it's torturing me every single day knowing that I am not going to be with, but can't get over her because we are so close. Any suggestions on how to handle this situation???


Earth Angel profile image

Earth Angel 6 years ago Author

Good to hear from you SDChargersGirl!!

I am sooooooooooooooo sorry you had to witness this 'run on hormones!!' It happens all the time, but not always in someone's face! It will probably be over as quickly as it began!!

I'm glad to hear you have a good and positive attitude about it!! Do not let your own standards drop in order to satisfy some momentary pleasure you think might win him back!!

Hold your head up high!! You are still his closest friend!! It may have been painful to watch, but maybe a gift!! Maybe a reminder that you are not that kind of girl!!

I imagine I will hear back from you in less than a week that he dropped her!! (Not that I wish them anything bad!! It just happens all the time!!)

Keep me posted!! In the meantime, keep your eyes open for someone else that catches your attention!! You never know who is just around the corner!!

Blessings to you gentle soul!! Earth Angel!!


Earth Angel profile image

Earth Angel 6 years ago Author

Blessings to you Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!

I am so glad you feel better and with more clarity after sharing your deeper feelings with your friend!! I will hold a place of love and light for the two of you to connect in ways that honor who you both are!!

Please know that you may have shifted your secret burden onto him!! If you guys really know each other as well as you have described, he should have 'gotten it' right away and not been so surprised!!??

'Not wanting to rush into anything' sometimes is a polite way of saying the intense feelings are just not mutual yet!!??

Do not be surprised if there is a new distance between you as he tries to figure out how he feels and where you go from here!! Or the opposite; he ignores your conversation completely and tries to go back to how things were before your revelation!!?

Let me know how things unfold over the next few days!!??

Again, I will hold a wonderful understanding place of love and light for you both!! I am sooooooooooooo glad you feel good about this exchange!!

Blessings always, Earth Angel!!


ahh! 6 years ago

Hi earth angel!

Well I finally told my friend how I felt even though it nearly killed me! I thought I was gonna cry. He was really surprised and didn't quite understand what I meant in the beginning but I got the message through. He took it really well but doesn't want to rush into anything, which is fine with me.Im so glad I got it out. My mind is clear. I feel so much better!

Blessings. to you!!

xxx


Sdchargersgirl 6 years ago

Hi earth angel :)

I have some sad news.... I went to the beach today with a few of my girlfriends, and this guy ended up showing up unexpectely. Of course, I was reeeeaaaalllly excited. I had decided that I would tell him today how i felt. Anyway, one of my friends, let's say Brooke just to make things easier, was aaalllll over him and flirting like she had never seen a guy before or something. It was nasty. So, of course, he was liking the attention. By the end of the day, they had exchanged numbers. I emailed him and asked him if he really liked Brooke and from what he said, he is totally in love with her.

I guess everything happens for a reason and something good will come out of this even if I can't see it yet. Thanks for listening earth angel.


Earth Angel profile image

Earth Angel 6 years ago Author

Dearest Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

You are more than welcome; I am delighted to be of service where I can be!!

I am delighted that you have someone close to talk with about your feelings!! Someone closer to your situation who could offer you sound guidance and hold up a clear mirror to reflect back your feelings!!

I will keep a candle lighted for your confidence, courage and loving approach to this bud of a romance!!

Please let me know how it all goes as it unfolds!!

Blessings always, Earth Angel!!


ahh! 6 years ago

Hi earth angel!

since my last post I have talked to one of my friends about my feelings and I know now that I should tell him how I feel. I hope I will have the confidence to do it when the time comes! Thank-you for your loving advice!! I would not have had the courage to confide in my friend if you hadn't suggested it.

xxx


ahh! 6 years ago

Hi earth angel!

since my last post I have talked to one of my friends about my feelings and I know now that I should tell him how I feel. I hope I will have the confidence to do it when the time comes! Thank-you for your loving advice!! I would not have had the courage to confide in my friend if you hadn't suggested it.

xxx


Earth Angel profile image

Earth Angel 6 years ago Author

Blessings, Namaste' and Deeksha to you SDChargersGirl!!

You are most welcome!! I am glad to be of service!!

There is nothing wrong with gently approaching the subject!! It doesn't have to be an 'all or nothing' conversation!!

Asking questions casually like, "I think frienship is an important part of any relationship; what do you think??"

Trust your intuition!! Keep me posted!! You will continue to be in my prayers!!

Blessings always, Earth Angel!!


Sdchargersgirl 6 years ago

Thanks soooooooooo much for taking the time to respond! I am also sorry about ur friend Danny. I just don't want to lose my friend by telling him how i feel. He is really the only person who is willing to listen, but I also want to be positive that it would be a well working and healthy relationship


Earth Angel profile image

Earth Angel 6 years ago Author

Blessings to you SDChargersGirl!!

I can soooooooooooo relate to your situation!!

My parents were so strict that I was never allowed to date, ever!! I was a straight-A student, President of the School Body, nominated for Homecoming Queen but never even allowed to go to my own Prom!!

My parents too, were going through a divorce the entire time I was in high school!! They were good people doing the best they could, but understandably distracted by their own heartaches!!

I really think their only concern for me at that time was that I not get pregnant!! So they locked me up and made it nearly impossible for me to see anyone!!

Yes, there were a few guys that lost interest in me when I couldn't go out for even a group thing!! One guy, Danny Pinza, I absolutely adored!! He was a bit of a bad boy but showed great respect for me!!

Danny was a couple of years older and rode a motorcycle!! My parents wouldn't even let me sit on the front porch and talk with him - let alone go for a short ride around the block!!

Alas, two years later Danny accidentally killed himself on that motorcycle!! It was the first funeral I had ever attended; I was a wreck!! It was such a loss; he was loved by so many!! It was such a waste of a beautiful life!! I still remember him fondly!!

There was another young man, very athletic, very polite who I had eyes for, and he had eyes for me!! He understood my parents stict rules and followed them to the letter!!

Finally we were allowed to sit on the front porch, with the lights on, within my parents view through the livingroom window, and we would talk for hours!! We sat close and held hands!! So much more intimate than emails!! It was magical!!

One night when he was leaving, he gave me a goodnight kiss! The front door flew open and my father stood there 12 feet tall with his hands on his hips!!

"Young man," my Dad bellowed loud enough for the entire neighborhood to hear, "if you wish to continue seeing my daughter, you'd better learn to shake her hand goodnight!!"

Mark was unshaken because his motives were sincere!! He stepped right up to my Dad, said 'yes sir' and shook his hand!! He then shook my hand and left!!

I was mortified!! I cried all night!! I didn't want to face him at school the next day!! I knew I would be the laughing stock of all my friends!!

Instead, Mark was a perfect gentleman!! He said it didn't bother him at all and asked if he could come back over that night!!

For three years he "shook my hand!!" At least when my parents were around!! Once they knew how sincere he was, they left us alone for brief moments!!

Three days after I turned 18 we married!!

Don't be too discouraged!! You seem to have an amazing connection with each other!! See if you can figure something out that your parents would be comfortable with!!

Keep me posted!!

Blessings always, Earth Angel!!


sdchargersgirl 6 years ago

So, I met my best friend a year ago and we were flirting like we were both interested in more than a friendship. However, my parents are and were very strict so it was really hard for us to be together. So he ended up asking my best friend to homecoming. She felt bad, but I told her to go with ilhim anyway. Anyway, we talk every day over email about anything and everything. It is nice cuz we both have divorced parents and we can talk to each other about how things are going. I seem to kno more about him than I do about myself. I love him with all my heart, but I'm afraid that he will get bored with me again cuz I can rarelyhang out with him. Please help!


Earth Angel profile image

Earth Angel 6 years ago Author

Dearest Siopao . . .

I am just walking out of the office so this will be short . . . But my heart is warm by your last comment . . .

No wonder she loves you dearly . . . You are truly loving and giving and gifted . . . I will say prayers for her safe journey and timely return . . .

I will also say prayers for the heaviness in your heart as she leaves for a short while . . . Remember always, 'the Universe looks after its Angels . . . '

In love and light, Earth Angel . . .


siopao 6 years ago

Thank you earth angel

She leaves today at 2pm

It's not love that I wish to get over, Her and I love eachother, we care for each other, we rely on each other, our friendship is filled with compassion and integrity.

It's more like I want to "get over" some of the feeling I have for her, like the romantic/ sexual feelings. It would make it much easier to be just really good friends.

thank you for your thoughtful responses they have helped alot.

siopao


Earth Angel profile image

Earth Angel 6 years ago Author

Dearest Siopao . . .

Thank you for checking in again . . . Your second entry sounds much more mature and reflective than your first . . . Thank you for sharing your thoughts . . .

When I was younger, my thoughts and dreams centered around finding (and holding onto) that special someone . . . Bonding seems to be a part of the procreation process . . .

In hindsight I see the folly in my pursuits and angst . . . Friendships are really what has sustained me . . . And have lasted many more years longer than any romantic relationship . . .

Friendships are also, in many ways, more intimate than relationships . . . although I know that may fly in the face of common logic . . .

Friendships have less baggage, less expectations and therefore are often much more real . . . People open up to their friends in ways they can't with their significant other . . .

I imagine you and she are closer in many ways than she is to her own boyfriend . . . Would you really want to give that up???

Love is not something we 'get over' no more than trying to chase away a butterfly . . . We stand still so it can flutter around us in safety . . . Loving its closeness, saddened by its distance, but all the while appreciating its beauty . . .

Blessings always, Earth Angel . . .


siopao 6 years ago

Earth angel

Thank you for responding

I dont think I ever really intended on sharing my feelings with her certainly not while she was in a relationship. I've met her boyfriend, have even hung out with him, he is a good guy and I think he is good for her. I would never do anything to ruin that happiness.

you asked if I was trying to end the friendship so I wouldn't have to deal with her leaving.

The answer is no, I value our friendship too much and I think it would crush her to have to end our friendship.

But there was a time where I thought maybe not seeing her it would be easier to deal with not having her, this was last year. I've grown away from those thoughts and realized that not having anything to do with her would be so much more difficult than to see her and/or talk to her everyday, without being able to share my feelings.

So that being said I will take the time she is away and try to get over it.

siopao


Earth Angel profile image

Earth Angel 6 years ago Author

Good Morning Good Soul Siopao . . .

I can feel your pain Siopao . . . It is awful to have a beloved so close yet so far away . . .

My suggestion would be to focus your appreciation on the great friendship you now have . . . If you take it any further, you may very well lose her . . .

If any of my close friends shared romantic feelings with me when I currently had a boyfriend, I would consider it a terrible insult . . . And I would have no choice but to end our friendship . . .

Love is like water . . . It is soft and gentle . . . It rises and falls . . . It finds its way through the smallest of openings . . . It is also strong enough to carve the Grand Canyon . . .

If your love is meant to be, it will find its way through the situation . . . Love is not a boulder to be pushed up hill . . . Or pushed off a cliff . . .

These things come to mind as I read and re-read your words . . .

One, you talk of your feelings and desires, but not of hers . . . Love takes both people into account . . .

Two, you mention her boyfriend, a clear sign she is involved with someone else . . . Where is the integrity and respect for her choices . . . ?

Three, are you trying to end your friendship so as not to deal with the pain of her moving away, even temporarily . . . ?

Please take some time to really examine your heart and your intentions . . .

Please keep me posted . . .

I will say a prayer for loving resolution in your life . . .

Blessings always . . . Earth Angel . . .


siopao 6 years ago

Hi earth angel

the girl I have very strong feelings for, started off as a coworker, then led into being very close friends. we've both left the restaurant where we worked and we got even closer, and my feelings toward her stronger more intense. It's been almost 3 years since we met, and about a year and a half that Ive realized my feelings. I've wanted to tell her, but I've been afraid of loosing her. But know she will be leaving for about five months to work. I want to tell her before she leaves but she has a boyfriend currently and I'm still very much afraid of loosing her.

help ......she's all I think about


Earth Angel profile image

Earth Angel 6 years ago Author

Hello Me!!

I am always glad to be of service!!

If you have read this entire Hub, and all the comments, you would have at least a hundred pointers!!

If none of them fit your particular circumstances, why don't you tell me a bit more about yourself, your beloved and your situation!!

Blessings always, Earth Angel!!


me 6 years ago

i am a teen and i am in love with my best friendbut i don't know how to ask her i would forever in your debt if you could give me a pointer thanks

me


Earth Angel profile image

Earth Angel 6 years ago Author

Ahhhhhhhhhh blessings of love and light to you this morning!!

I am delighted you received such profound insights when you need them most!! And no, the words that often come don't make perfect sense at that very moment, but they will in time!!

You are on the right path!! Keep asking, keep writing, don't force it, just let it flow!!

I have a candle lighted in your honor this morning!! You are blessed by Source!!

In Love, Light and Truth Always, Earth Angel!!


ahh!! 6 years ago

Hello Earth Angel!! I tried what you suggested and got some very interesting results!

One thing that kept coming up as I was asking the questions was "Don't push youself" and :"You are one with him". It was strange because it was like I was writing down what someone was saying to, some things ended in a question. It was a great help. I realise I should talk to a firend about this. When I asked why I was hesitating I got a very strange answer...it's sounds a bit loopy. but this word from word what.it said...

"Don't hesitate, you know why you do this, you are afraid of light, proceed.

You feel the pain of your loved one well up inside and it stops you, conflict from within. Beneath the skin is a beautiful dark flower. Don't be afraid, You are one with him." I was a little shocked when I read this back from what I had written. I don't quite inderstand it but it made me gasp!

xxx


Earth Angel profile image

Earth Angel 6 years ago Author

Namaste' and Deeksha to you sweet Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!!

I know what it's like to feel a damn of pent-up feelings and that releasing/sharing just a wee bit of them feels like a flood could start with no way to stop!!

I doubt that would be good for either of you!!

Do you have a close friend that knows you both who you could talk to about your feelings in confidence???

The reason I ask is that you need to 'diffuse' a bit before even considering sharing with him!!?? Writing in a journal does it for me!!

Journalling can be very revealing if done with an open heart and mind!! I sit quietly in the morning (with pad and pen on my lap) and sincerely ask a very specific question to God/Universe/Allah/Source!!

Then I just write whatever comes!! Sometimes it's my 'to-do list and other things that have nothing to do with my question!! Within about 5-10 minutes of just 'stream of consciousness' writing, answers begin to surface!! Sometimes it's like I'm not even the one doing the writing!!

I would start with questions, one at a time per sitting, along the lines of:

'Are my feelings for ___________ genuine?'

'What is it about ___________ that causes me to feel this way?'

'What is holding me back from sharing my feelings with ____________?'

You are a smart and sensitive person!! You could have given him a mild card, brushed your hand against his, held his gaze just a bit longer!! There is some reason you are not!! And that reason, although you may not know it right now, is valid!! And needs to be honored!!

What do you think??

Blessings always, Earth Angel!!


Ahh! 6 years ago

Earth Angel, I understand what you are saying. Your are wise. I'm not quite sure why I'm hesitating..the only thing I can think of is that I can't put how I feel into words, i 'm almost afraid that I would start getting too emotional if I tried to tell him because my feelings are incredibly strong. I have felt like this for about 2 years now. I remembered when I realised I liked him more then a friend..I was overwhelmed and couldn't quite beleive it. Thank -you so much for your advice!!! Clear and insightfull as always!!:):)

xxx


Earth Angel profile image

Earth Angel 6 years ago Author

Dearest Ahhhhhhhhh!!

GREAT timing!! I just got back into the office after a quick errand!!

Well it certainly sounds like the two of you are on the same page!! No need to rush anything - take it slow - let things unfold naturally!!

Two people both being shy can be a real advantage!! Can you imagine you being shy and him being aggressive!!? It would never work!! Again, take your time, no need to rush anything!!

There is something causing you to hesitate; trust your intuition!! Do you know what it might be???

Blessings always, Earth Angel!!


ahh! 6 years ago

Hello!! I'm so glad you responded!

Me and my friend are of basically the same background and culture, we agree on..well nearly everything! Our famalies are definatley not the issue, I just don't know what "hints" to drop, we know eachtother so well we practically know what the other one's thinking. I just don't know what to do. I get the feeling that he feels the same way but he is really quite shy..like me. We can hardly hold eye contact for more then 2 seconds now because there's so much tension! I want to find the opportunity but it's proving difficult. I respect him so much.

Thank-you for taking time to help me.

xxx


Earth Angel profile image

Earth Angel 6 years ago Author

Namaste' and Blessings to you ahhhhhhhhh!!

So nice to hear from you again!! Alas, I am sorry that you are still having trouble finding a way to express your feelings to your beloved!!

Do you think it might be because you have a preconceived idea of how you want the 'event' to happen??

Often, in our minds, we have a perfect scenario: 'I finally told him how much I love him, and he immediately responded he loves me just as much or even more . . . ' Unfortunately, it rarely happens that way!!

Have you dropped any hints during the last few weeks?? Men are often a bit less intuitive than women (not always) but generally speaking they need more direct clues!!

Are there any 'glaring' differences in your belief-systems or life-style choices?? College choices?? Religious choices?? Family issues??

Keep me posted!! I am happy to be of service to you where I can be!! And I bless that the right and perfect thing will happen at the right and perfect time!!

Blessings always, Earth Angel!!

P.S. You could always steer him to this Hub as 'interesting reading' to see what his take on the subject is!!??


ahh! 6 years ago

Hello again earth angel.:):) How are you?

Since my last post I am sure now of my feelings but I don't know how to say to my friend how I feel. Every time I leave after meeting him I feel so stupid and silly that I haven't spoken my mind. Do you have any advice for how I should go about this? I am scared of how he will react.

xxxx


Earth Angel profile image

Earth Angel 6 years ago Author

Blessings, Namaste' and Deeksha to you this morning Ahhhhhh!!

Congratulations on recognizing your feelings enough to type them; it is a good first step in being honest with yourself!!

"We cannot be more honest with another person than we can be with ourselves . . . " -S. Grace

Don't be too concerned about putting your feelings into the spoken word!! The spoken word only makes up about 7% of our communication skills!!

There is nothing wrong with taking things slowly!! Savor the anticipation!! Too often people let their actions get way ahead of their feelings!!

You are a smart and loving person!! And you are in my warmest thoughts and prayers!!

Blessings always, Earth Angel!!


Ahhh! 6 years ago

Hi earth angel!

Thank you so much for replying and my condolences for the loss of your kitty and I hope your finger is feeling better.:)

I agree with your advice about moving forward with this, I don't know what's stopping me. I think's it's because I'm shy and just don't know how to put it into words...I know I will have to sometime soon because I can't hide it anymore and I can see it in his face when I'm with him too. I now realise that my friends are suspecting us more and more of being something other than friends. He really is the only person I have ever thought seriously about.

I am a private yet very passionate person who doesn't share their feelings like this so even typing them down has been a big step for me.

I love this page, it is a wonderful help for all people who need it.

Again, thank-you, I have more confidence now in myself.

I hope to hear from you soon:)

xxxx


Earth Angel profile image

Earth Angel 6 years ago Author

Blessings to you Ahhhhhhhh!!

No, you are NOT going crazy!!

First, I owe apologies to so many wonderful, loving, insightful, amazing people who have commented on this Hub!!

I have been moving, broke a finger, lost my precious kitty to heart failure, and a long list of the same life challenges we all face!!

Hub Pages is my favorite Internet spot in the whole world and I LOVE each and every person who has written!!

I am soooooooooooooo sorry I have not responded more!! I hope to correc that; with this very one!!

Most often, Ahhhhhhhhhhhh, my first impression from Hubber's writing asking for advice is: "don't do it - don't cross that line - you can't unring a bell!!"

Your case is a bit different however!! You write about all the signs one looks for as a green light for taking things forward!! Mutual admiration and respect!! A long term friendship, first!! And a really strong connection all around!!

Sooooooooooooooooooooo, Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh, if you can talk to each other about everything, and share everything, why not this??? What did you leave out of the equation above???

I look forward to hearing from you!!

Blessings always, Earth Angel!!

P.S. Did you know the founder of HubPages and his beloved wife met before they were even 5 years old??!!


ahhh!! 6 years ago

Hello, I hope you can help me with this, please respond, I think I might go crazy if I don't say...or type this..:)

I have known my best friend for over 13 years, we are nearly the same age-(17/18}. He is the nicest, most caring person I have ever met on this planet and we would tell each other everything. He is different to all the other boys his age. Over the last 2 or 3 years I have grown to like him more than a friend and from last year, we have started going places together like the cinema or walks or I invite him round to my house. We just hang out. He is always complimenting me and giving me encouragment. My friend mentioned that they think we would be a nice couple..the fact is...I had been thinking about it...and nearly couldn't look at her when she mentions this. I seem to have to keep a straight face when anyone mentions his name..as if I might give something away. I think about him all the time and it's driving me insane. I have caught him staring at me and when I make eye contact, he keeps staring...with this wierd look on his face. Sometimes when he's near me I feel a strong urge to grab him and smother him in kisses but I can't bring myself to do it./: We always end up walking close together when we're in a group of friends and he gives me his full attention, often touching my arm or back. I think I might go crazy..I don't know what to do because I'm afraid of ruining an amazing friendship!

HELP!!!


Tassia 6 years ago

hi earth angel,

this page is amazing! So many people pouring their hearts out!!

Ok so now its my turn...

I am 21 and i have known my close friend flo since we were born! (old family friends)

when we were young we saw each other all the time, and did things kids do, like holding hands and hugging all the time etc! It was only when hormones startes to kick in that i realised how much i loved being around him. I made the big mistake of telling hime how i felt... Age 13, via txt! It made things very awkward between us as all our family new, and every time we saw each other we were both just embarrassed! So i basically avoided him for nearly a year, only writing the odd letter which never got a response.. Then my birthday came around... 15th, and he gave a a card apologising for everything, and a rose he picked from the garden (all in front of our family... Which made things even harder!) anyway nothing ever happened back then, as we were both awkward teenagers and too embarrassed!

That was 6 years ago, and basically we both got on with our lives... Just remaining friends and seeing each other at family get togethers. But 2 years ago we started meeting up without the family... Going for drinks, or food etc... Always just the 2 of us! It was nice, and brought back all my old feelings, but stronger, more adult versions! We talked about how neither of us had been in a relationship, but always moved quickly away from the subject... As if there was something neither of us wanyed to admit! For me that was the fact that i had never been i a relationship because me feelings for him were always stronger than any1 else... So i never fell for anyone else!

Last summer i was leaving the uk for 6months... To canada. I had a leaving party which he came back from france especially for... Just for the day!

And all my time in canada we spoke via email at least once a week. When i first got there he even asked me if id found my future husband yet!

He sent me homemade chocolates for xmas (he wants to be a chef, so they were amazing!)

and now im back we see each other regularly... Once a week normally! And whenever we say goodbye it always feels like we should do more than just hug... I always want to kiss him (which has never happened!)

my problem is we are both so unpracticed at relationships, that we cant read each other and are tpo scared to act! I want to be honest with him, and just tell him that i thibk we are meant to be together... I believe everything happens for a reason, and the fact that neither of us have found any1 else seems like a clear indication to me! But i am so scared that its just my girly nature reading everything so wrong, and that i would lose his friendship completely if i acted on my feelings!

The trouble is im not sure how much longer i can go without saying anything, my heart beats so fast when im around him, its sometimes hard to think!

You seem like the best person to give me a bit of advice... What would you do in my position?

I hope to hear from you soon... My email is hippyfest@hotmail.com if its easier!

Blessings

Tassia x


Brandon 6 years ago

Hi Earth Angel

Sorry i haven't replied in so long.

I am still facing the same heartache as i was 5 months ago.But whats different about now is that i really feel like i HAVE to tell her instead of want to tell her.I feel that I want her to know because for one,i dont want to keep it bottled up inside for much longer, and two,she isn't an awkward person.For example,one of her ''ex-boyfriends'' still had feelings for her and told her about how he felt.They are still good friends.

I have thought about ways to tell her.I could write a poem,write a song,write a letter and put it in her locker at school,i could tell more people than who already know,like her brother and shell find out eventually.Or the one that im most in favour of is just telling her straight up (the problem is im shy,but ill just have to overcome that)

Let me know what you think.

Thanks a lot.

Brandon


CONFUSED! 6 years ago

Ok so My Best guy friend Kyle has been my friend for about 2 years now. We just hug out last night and I'm not sure what to think about the things he did. We went skating with a bunch of our friends and his girlfriend was their but she acted like she didn't even know him. I was sad to find out that he had a girlfriend so I started to cry because i have loved him since the day I met him. When everyone was gone he came and sat next to me and said "hey you ok? you can tell me anything im always here for you no matter what. You can lay your head on my shoulder if you want to." those were his exact words and he was looking right in my eyes. He also gave me 3 hugs and everyone else got 1. He also talked to me more than everyone else. My best friend (who is a girl) told me that she thinks he likes me but I don't know what to do! I'm so confused do you think he likes me? Am I just hopeing he likes me? Should I tell him i Love him? What should I do??? I need HELP!!!


Confused 6 years ago

Hey earth angel have any advice? :/


Earth Angel profile image

Earth Angel 6 years ago Author

Blessings to you Liv! I received your email!! Thank you for sharing!!

Liv, you sound very level headed and on target with your thoughts and feelings!! You have a good life full of good friends, interests of your own, plans for your future and are not looking for someone to make your life endlessly magical!!

I know many want to take their friendships to the next level!! From years of experience, my own and my large circle of close friends, it is not always possible to cross that bridge successfully!!

Having said that however, a close friendship is one of the best foundations for a life together!! There is comfort, trust and ease that only comes from connecting day in and day out with someone for years!!

Trying to cross that bridge, or at least test the waters, doesn't need to be as scary as we often make it to be in our minds!! Simple comments or easy questions to the object of our affections should give indication if feelings are reciprocal!!

"Some people think you and I should hook up!!? I started thinking about it; have you ever thought about it??"

"I had a dream about us being together the other night . . . and it was nice . . . Have you ever had a dream like that??"

"Someone asked me out on a date and I had this strange feeling I was somehow cheating on you . . . Odd, huh?"

"What would your perfect mate be like?? (Listen to all the qualities) That sounds a lot like me!"

Part of the definition of a best friend is people who can talk to each other about anything and everything!! This includes dating!!

Has the person you are crazy about mentioned what dating is like far from home in a new school?? Have they mentioned anyone special??

The signs are all there if we are willing to objectively look at them!! We sometimes get so involved with our own feelings, it's hard to see the other person's - yet they are right there in front of us!!

Hope that helps a bit!! Keep me posted!!

Blessings always, Earth Angel!!


Confused 6 years ago

Hey earth angel, this may sound a bit odd to you because I am still young but I dunno what to do about this girl and I just want some information. So I'm in grade 9 and my best guy friend has a sister and over the months I've started trying to get really close with her and we are becoming good friends but for some time now I've started feeling differently about her and I am beginning to really like her but she is 1 year a few months older than me and in the year above me. I don't think she really likes me more than just a hood friend but I'm nit 100 percent sure, I'm just confused and don't know what to make of this situation or what to do about, should I let her know how I feel or just sit back and let the thoughts of what could be torture me? ( if anyone has advice please help, my life isn't really going well right now and this isn't helping it)


Brew crew 6 years ago

I have been reading your post and i truly need your guidence. I am 18 and after 4 years of being best friends this girl i starting to fall for her. We talk every day, all day about everything and now i can not stand keeping my feelings in. I am having trouble sleeping and all i think about is her. In the past she has told me that me and her are "too good of friends" to ever do anything on a boyfriend girlfriend level but recently things have changed. We go out to lunch and i am always with her and i am in anguish every time. She has recently began seeing, my friend, but he does not want a relationship and i dont want to see her get hurt. Should i just suck it up and live with the pain, because no matter what i want her to be happy, or should i tell her straight up and risk our friendship.


Kinsey Douglas 6 years ago

Dear EarthAngel,

This is a really old page, I know, but I still decided to comment. I am so deeply in love with my best friend. She is perfect. I could list all the things I love about her, but that would take up to much space.

Things would be easier if:

-I did not have a boyfriend

-I was NOT A GIRL AS WELL.

Let me clarify, I am not bisexual/lesbian, and I've never felt this way about someone. I've read articles that say this is normal, and will pass, but this has been going on for twp years. Sometimes she gives me signs that she might like me too, (or am I just imagining it?), and sometimes we're just friends. I'm stuck, I don't know if I should tell her, and risk everything, or not tell her and suffer.

I can't sleep any more, and I can't really be happy when I'm not with her.

Please help me?

-Kinsey

P.S. Your article was very well-written!


Mz. Right Now 6 years ago

Don't get the name twisted with a situation I wanna share, reading about her and her ex, makes me wonder, " a man loving you despite what somebody eles may think is one thing and you loving them back. On the other hand its a some body your ex knows". I have know this guy for about 10yrs and I feel he felt opportunity when me and my ex had been broke up for 4yrs now to tell me how he felt about me and how long. Over the years we have chated on the phone, but no intimate conversation. We have been seeing eachother for about 8 months now, and its getting stronger and stronger as we go. However still a secret of ours, you would think wow!, all this time and the person that seen me go through hell wanted to make my life happy and full-fill my needs. As I put thought into it from time to time when a man really wants you he will stay persistant, without skipping a beat or stepping on toes. I don't know, love is love you can who you fall in love with, but I wish it was no strings attatched to the ex, what do you think?


Someone not Anyone 6 years ago

Hello Earth Angel,

I don't usually read these kind of articles but of course we change just as our feelings change, I've read a lot of them but I think that every situation can't be completely same as the next one so this is very great from you to answer each individual!

Never actually knew the difference between being in love and loving someone but I guess that is actually what's been going on with my feelings towards my best friend.

I'm not going crazy or anything (although this post might actually be the birth of my craziness) but my biggest wish is that our friendship grows into something more.

We have been good friends(and now best friends) for almost a year.We talk every day(usually she starts the conversation and it goes on and on)

Although I am afraid that she doesn't have the same feelings for me(ah yes, that's life^^) because if I thought she had then I wouldn't be sitting here writing this in middle of night, but I guess that instead of that I would be fighting my thoughts in bed so I decided to fight them over here.She doesn't have a boyfriend, and I know we wouldn't be this close if she did have one...but she still has some feelings left for someone she broke up with about a year ago.I'm not sure if she could ever see me as her boyfriend...she really did tell me that her girlfriends told her we would make a good couple and she told them that we will be when we fall in love: of course she didn't fall in love yet.

Now I'm in a dilemma... Should I tell her that I love her?

Should I tell her that I might want something more and take a risk?We are very close and I'm sure we would make a good couple...but I'm not sure if I should wait for her or ask her to give me a chance...isn't it selfish from me to go telling her I love her and asking for something I know she actually doesn't have feelings for?

She did tell me that she wants a boyfriend...

And yes you probably will say that I should go for it but I'm just so afraid to lose her as my friend,

and even if I get the chance, what if it doesn't really work and I destroy our friendship?

I could hardly imagine my day without her,

and worst thing is I might hurt her very much because she probably feels the same...

I'm such a melodramatic fool


Sia 6 years ago

Thanks 4 taking out time and answering me..

I guess..to all of ur questions he would actually offer me comfort at those times and act supportive too...I dont know even before..when we talked it was at times just for fun too..just because we felt like talking to each other..also, we both actually quite enjoyed each others company..

Ok so you know since he's been all weird and engrossed up with the new girl..I'm sry but I used the anonymous id yet again..and told him he had changed..since then he is actually back to normal..He spends time with the girl as well as with us..actually he is confused yet again..This girl is actually not apt for him..As I said she is a dumb doll..She is just passing her time or whatever!

She keeps him on the phone for all day long and even if he sates he needs to leave so that he can study..she'll emotionally blackmail him and make him continue to talk..

After coming back to his normal behaviour, he shared this with me..

Our other best friend actually told him on the face that she didnt deserve him..And he said yes he knows she is weird..but still has no clue why he likes her..And everyday he decides he'll end things with her..but thinking that his breaking up would hurt her, he doesnt do it!

Its not that he doesnt like her..but its that she doesnt understand him!

I'm sorry to say but now I actually cant get over him..His sensivity is stealing me yet again!

I dont know what I'm supposed to do! Mr. Wonderful keeps on stealing my heart away! I'm now tired of fighting with my emotions!!!!!!!!

I think I'll end the lies and tell him I'm the one sending him those anonymous mails..I'm thinking first I'll take the consent of the other best friend I talked about above..

I'll first ask him whether I should tell him(since the guy I like has already told him)..whether he'd take the shock well or not..

And then confess it! The things are eating me up now! I just just just can't take it anymore! I cant pretend anymore!

Please help!!!!!!!!!!!! Please reply!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks again for your guidance and support!


mark23 6 years ago

Lucinda,

My advice is pretty straight forward. Next time she says that she is in love with you, say it back to her and say that you're not kidding. That you are actually in love with her. Tell her how you feel. If she doesnt reciprocat your feelings would you be ok just being friends? If so tell her. "I dont want this to ruin our friendship if you dont feel the same way. I still want to be friends even if you dont feel that way towards me. I just had to tell you how i feel and be honest with you. Because if there is anyone i know can be honest with it is you" something like that. You dont want to live with this on your back for too long. It will wear you down. You dont want to live the rest of your life thinking "what if" If there is the slightest chance that she may feel the same way, I say tell her. I could use a little advice as well. My post above.


Lucinda Greenwitch 6 years ago

please help, if you want you may e-mail me at caitlyn2009@live.com also, i've posted my problem above


Earth Angel profile image

Earth Angel 6 years ago Author

Blessings to you sweet Sia!!

I'm glad you over the romantic angle with your friend!! Sounds like Mr. Wonderful and Ms. Perfect are so wrapped up in each other, they are forgetting the friends/connections they had before hooking up!!?? That's normal - painful to those left out - but normal!!

I imagine when your Mr. Wonderful comes along, you too will have some friends who think you are less available than you used to be!! Fresh love is fun and intoxicating!! And we really don't realize at the time that we are leaving others out!!

Just remember that when you become engrossed in romance!! Keep in close touch with the very people you would call crying if it didn't work out!!

There really is no way for me to tell if your friend really is your friend or not!!?? I can give you a list of questions to ask yourself about him, actually about any relationship, male/female/family/friend, etc., but unless you want the truth, it will be a futile exercise!!

Ask yourself if your friendship is a two-way street?? If you were crushed over some weird girl saying mean things about you, would HE be the one who would listen and offer comfort?? (I know what the answer is the other way around!!)

Ask yourself if your friend heard something being said about you that was unpleasant or untrue behind your back, would he step up and correct the injustice on your behalf??

So what's the difference between friends and just social acquantances?? Depth of the relationship?? A deep caring for the welfare of each other vs. a passing hello in the hallway?? There's nothing wrong with the latter, unless a person is trying to read more into it than is there!!

Yes, I bet you are frustrated with him!! I am so sorry!! You listened patiently to him!! Ask yourself if his actions before came from his "needing" to talk to someone?? And you were there??

People come into our lives for a "reason, a season or a lifetime!!" Maybe he came into your life for a "reason!!" Unwittingly he showed you how much you would like to have a romantic partner in your life?? That is very valuable information!!

Just recently I met someone who put a sparkle in my smile and a spring in my step!! Tall, dark and drop dead gorgeous!! A wonderful person down to his core!! I should have been all over him!! He was there with kind words and open arms!! (The roses and chocolates were also appreciated!!)

Instead, what I learned about myself is that I like being single!! He would hold my hand and I felt "anchored" not in a good way!! He would want to get together and I had to rearrange my schedule to accomodate another person!! And I was crazy about him!!

It wasn't about him; it was about me!! My purpose in life as a writer/author/publisher/artist is important to me!! The world is a mess and I want to help ease some of the needless suffering!! As enjoyable as it was to sit and sip coffee, I couldn't help but think about who I could be helping at that moment!!

So ask yourself what you have learned about yourself in this whole process!! Are you more clear about what you would like in a boyfriend?? Are you more clear about what you have to offer a boyfriend?? Are you asking anything more of a prospective boyfriend than you are willing or capable of giving in return?

One of the things that came up for me was appearance!! He always looked perfect, pressed and groomed nicely!! His car was immaculate!! And he worked out at the gym all the time so he was in great shape!! Those are qualities I so admire!!

But I have days where I am in sweats all day and may not shower as I am at the keyboard editing!! I drive a nice Mercedes but it's always full of pet fur and sand as I do animal rescue!! If I get a call that a friend is in trouble, I am out the door without doing my hair or make-up!!

I write all this because I realized that as much as I like my partner to be impecably groomed and physically fit, I'm not willing to take the time to do it myself 24/7!!

Ask yourself about your family circumstances, and your partners?? Are you attracted to people who have family traditions that will never mesh with yours?? Why is this? Is it because it is safe as they really aren't truly available??

Do you have certain judgments about yourself and you pick people that reinforce your own predetermined outcomes??

Do you have close friends, male or female, that you can wrestle this issues out with?? If so, what do they say?? If not, why not??

I was always told I was too smart!! I like being smart!! It does no one any good, not me, not the world, for me to "play small!!" I am gifted and I embrace it!! If it makes a potential partner uncomfortable, then we will just be friends!!

Okay, that's enough for now!! I look forward to hearing some of the answers to the questions above!!

I know you are a jewel and that the right and perfect person will come along at the right and perfect time!! But you have to have your hands free when the ball comes bouncing your way!!

Love and Light and Blessings Always, Earth Angel!!


Earth Angel profile image

Earth Angel 6 years ago Author

Sorry to everyone for being away for a bit!! "Life happens" while we are making other plans!!

Blessings to all of you who are taking the time to reflect on your feelings and reaching out for advice!! Often just the act of sharing helps put thoughts and feelings into perspective!!

I am delighted that some of my words find their way into your computers and your hearts!! It is a good lesson for all of us about connecting with one another!! There is a good chance if you saw me in the supermarket, you wouldn't give me a second look!!?? Not because I am unattractive, but because I am old enough to be some of your parents!!

But unlike some of your parents, I DO take your feelings seriously!! I remember clearly how I felt, and now many years later and many relationships later, I don't feel those first experiences were any less important!! Actually, many of them formed who I am as a person today!!

Okay, so I will do my best to address each one of you individually!!

Starting with sweet Sia!! See below!!

Blessings always, Earth Angel!!


mark23 6 years ago

Earth Angel,

I have been in love with one of my closest friends for the past 6 months or so. I have know her for a little over a year. We work together and I am closer to this girl that I've known for a year than some friends that I've had since child hood. We tell eachother everything that is going on in our lives. The problem is that I am not only in love with her, but she is engaged. She has been since I've known her and the wedding is set for May 2011.

We have told each other that we love eachother but this was purely as friends (or so i believe). I am not sure whether i should tell her how i feel or not. Sometimes i feel like she may feel the same way. I honestly think she is in love with her fiancee but also has feelings for me.

A couple of months ago, she had an operation and that really brought us together. I talked to her everyday and would visit her and watch movies. She would always text me jsut to ask what i was doing and to tell me that she missed me. For the next couple of weeks after her recovery, we were definitely closer than before. We would text eachother all day and into the night. Then, once finals were over, we're both in college, she didnt want to seem to talk to me at all. I think she texted me twice in a 2-3 week span. I was always the one texting her. I asked her if we were ok or if there was something i did. She said no we were fine. We started talking more within the next couple of days and didnt seem uncomfrotable around eachother as we did during this 2-3 week period.

I believe that she realized that she was developing feelings for me and wanted to distance herself from me.

Now we are fine again. I talk to her in some way almost everyday.

Do you think she could have feelings for me? Should I tell her how I feel?


Selene 6 years ago

I need some advice. I am 17 years of age. I have been best friends with this guy for 5 years. We are two completely different people, but at the same time we are exactly the same. I know that I love him. The problem is that my definiton of love may not be correct. I told him about 6 months ago that I loved him. All he said is that it is hormones. I can see his point, yes, but I have also done a lot of soul searching since then. And I can tell you that it is not hormones. There are two reasons to this. A.) I am not sexaully attracted to him for personal reasons. B.) Hormones typically pass after a short period of time. It has been 5 years, not two months. I have asked myself several questions about why I love him, and every time I am able to give myself a different answer. My question is, what do I do now?


Sia 6 years ago

Your welcome..Btw I did that only due to my dire need for a reply..

Awaiting your reply..

Sia


Lucinda Greenwitch 6 years ago

thanks! Because I REALLY need help. it's getting harder and harder not to say anything and ughh i need help


Earth Angel profile image

Earth Angel 6 years ago Author

Blessings and Namaste' to so many of you who continued to write!! I had no idea!! There must have been a glitch in hardware/software as there were no additional comments on my computer or HubPages account to respond to??!! I am touched by such an out pouring of feeling!! And by your honesty and sincerity in looking for deep and meaningful answers!! If it weren't for Sia, I would not have known this written dialog had continued!! Thank you Sia!! I am just running out the door and tomorrow if fully booked!! I will however be checking in and answering each of you as soon as I can!! Go Sia!! Blessings always, Earth Angel!!


Sia 6 years ago

Where are you these days?


Balogun Misturat Temitope 6 years ago

As at now i only have a closest(girl)friend.


Balogun Misturat Temitope 6 years ago

As at now i only have a closest(girl)friend.


Jarret77 6 years ago

Hey earth angel. I'm 13 and i have determend that i am bi. i really like my best friend and i think he may like guys too. he touches me for no reason. stares at me. the occasional game of footsie. do u think he likes me?


Hassan 6 years ago

Dear earth angel,

I'm a 15 year old male sophmore in high school who is absolutely in love with his best friend. I'm bisexual but only a couple of friends know and they don't mind and it makes me feel great. I tried telling my best friend about me but I ended up telling him I was going through a phase and I totally chickened out...he told me he didn't mind but he didn't feel the same way I do. To be honest, I think he's either gay or bi because he's very effeminate and plays around with me and other guys that makes people question him too. I find him the cutest thing to walk this planet and I'd love to tell him that I am completely and devotedly in love with him but I wouldn't like it If he freaked out and got uncomfortable with me. The reason why I think he's lying about his sexuality is because I know he doesn't like admitting things and he is too closed minded to even come out to himself. I really need your help because I really care for him and I know he cares for me too and we can have a very succesful relationship! What should I do? Please help


Sia 6 years ago

Hi Dearest Earth ANgel...

Thanks for your guidance..

After the last time we talked..I did something, I shared this whole thing with my best friends(these one girls and not the guy I have been talking about) also..

Sharing surely helps!!!

And yes it seems I'm over him now..

He and that 'picture perfect' girl are together now... and its cool...I think I've buried the romance angle somewhere far!

But with him developing this new relationship, our friendship has turned distant..now this is really disturbing!

The way we were earlier we are not now..

I mean we talk only in class...its been ages since he called!

I don't know its sort of irritating!

I didn't attend classes for like a week..all friends were calling and asking whats wrong and stuff..but he didn't even send a sms!

I don't know whats got 2 him!

He won't share anything with me..but earlier atleast in 2 days we would have one like 1/2 hr or 1 hr conversation..and I don't know why but I have always loved it!

But now I don't know when I think of those times, I feel irritated!

I mean once we didn't talk for like 4 days..we were having holidays..and he sent an sms.."its so rude! If you don't call your friend, they don't even feel like talking 2 you!"

Ha!

And then once when I was absent for a day he called as soon as he reached home saying "Can I know why someone was sitting at home today, away from her friends?"

I mean where IS that friend of mine??

I'm missing him so badly!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


missav 6 years ago

Hi Earth Angel,

I stumbled across your pages during a search to understand if my feelings are real or if I have made myself feel the way that I do.

I am currently in emotional turmoil due to the feelings that I have developed for my college friend. He was the first person I really connected with at my university. We have known each other for two years now and are relationship has experienced some rocky turbulence.

When I first met him, I only viewed him as a friend. As a matter of fact, I thought it was he who liked me. It wasn’t until the summer after our first semester of knowing each other that I felt that I had feelings for him more than a friend. We started to hang out more and we spoke on the phone day in and day out. I was not sure if I had feelings for him so I decided to let it all play out.

After much deliberation, I told him how I felt for him. I let him know that I had feelings for him more than just friendship. He told me that this was hard for him and it was new as he has never had to deal with an issue like this before. He asked me what I wanted and I told him that I just wanted him to know how I felt. I told him this on the way the airport for Christmas break. Over the break, we only spoke once, but after I returned the relationship was very awkward.

Our relationship has never really been the same since but it’s been exactly one year since I told him. I have made some mistakes in this relationship as I feel I am still learning to navigate through life and relationships. I tried to cut him off because I could not handle the strong feelings that I had for him, however he became angry with me and hurt do to the fact.

We are still friends but it goes through extreme bouts of closeness then distance I think about him constantly and am not sure if I ever made the right decision in telling him that I had feelings. Also I don’t know if our age difference plays a huge factor as he is 4 years younger than I. He was 18 when I met him.

At this point, I don’t know what to do. I am trying to let go because I do not want to force my own wants and desires into the relationship. But I think he is being unfair and childish by the fact that when I try to pull away he gets hurt and upset. He is scared of being hurt and has a hard time letting people in. There are many elements to the relationship that I can’t adequately put down on paper but maybe you can shed some insight and maybe just some sound wisdom. Thanks for your input.


Lexi 6 years ago

Hi..

Ok I'm a little scared of what I have to say. So I'm in love with my best friend. There are A few itty bitty problems though. 1) he lives on the other side of the country. Literally. There's a 3 hour time difference. We've never met, but we've been talking for about 5 years. 2) I don't know how he feels. Sometimes I feel like he might love me, and sometimes I feel like he doesn't. Ok maybe him living so far is a BIG problem. I guess there's really no way to know if it would work unless we spent sometime together face to face. That can't happen for at least another 6 months. But it hurts to know that I love him and not know his side. I want to tell him, but I'm VERY scared. A few years ago I told him I like him. He never said he didn't like me like that, but he didn't say he did either. I was too scared to ask. I Love him so much even through some of his bad habits. My stomach is killing me, the pain of him being so far away is turning physical. I've loved him for a long time, but now that I'm going through a hard time, it's shown me what a great person he is.


Lucinda Greenwitch 6 years ago

Hey, I'm haveing the same problem as everyone else here and am glad to have finally found something that can help me. and here I was thinking I was the only one this is ever happened to. Ok, we're both girls. I've known her for 3 years see her everyday and my feelings are eating away at me. She is exstremely tomboyish, she claims she isn't into girls at all, but then she makes flirtatious comments with me, or says "I'm in love with you, lol just kidding." What should I do?? How do I know if she really loves me. She makes me feel beautifull. She is always commenting on how beautiful my eyes are, and how she loves to make me smile because Im so pretty. She's the type of person who has a hard time exspressing her feelings, and Im very exspressive. We both know we cant live without eachother, we've both said that without being able to communicate with each other we're weak.I don't know if she just says this because we're so close or because she is in love with me too. What shall I do!?!?! It's makeing me worry and have sleepless nights because I want to tell her, but I dont want to ruin our close relashionship if she doesnt feel the same way. Help me please. and btw I stay up thinking about how beautiful her eyes are (they are the prettiest shade of dark green I have EVER seen, and when the sunlight hits them.... oh dear god...) See what I mean. Help me please.


Gabriella 6 years ago

Hi, I am in love with my best friend. I have been good friend with him for seven years. He was my neighbor for a year then I moved to a nearby neighborhood. I went to elementary, middle, and high school with him. Actually, I switched high school for him. In order to do that I had to leave my other best friend. We had dated previously and I broke up with him. We still were great friends and I fell in love with him a month after we broke up...crazy, I know. I have loved him for almost a year and a half now. He knows that I have feelings for him. And he claims that it doesn't freak him out. He also says that he never will have feelings for me again...he thinks that it isn't the relationship that we were meant to have. I can't imagine not being with him. As young as I am, I know that I love him and that I want to be with him forever. But he doesn't feel the same way about me. Help?


Earth Angel profile image

Earth Angel 6 years ago Author

Dearest Jakey!!

It is an awful feeling to love someone and not know the right words or steps to take!! Friendships are amazing gifts and should not be thrown away lightly!! Friendships are often wonderful beginnings to wonderful romances!! So many long-married people I know say, "We were friends first!!" Friendship is a perfect platform to get to really know someone!!

Trust your instincts!! You will know when the right time to bring up the subject will be!! If ever!! And if it is never the right time, continue to celebrate your friendship!!

Keep me posted as to what you decide to do!!

Blessings always, Earth Angel!!


Earth Angel profile image

Earth Angel 6 years ago Author

Blessings to you Mike T!!

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings for someone who is so close to you in your life!! Christmas has just passed and you may have already had "the talk!!??" If so, I hope it went well and that feelings on both sides were mutual!!

I would be remiss without first mentioning a few points in your writing that seem a bit out of sync!!

Two people having too much to drink and both blacking out usually means nothing happens!!?? Certainly, neither partner performs very well!! Are you sure it was consentual?? How could you say for sure if you blacked out??

Who blacked out first??

I'm sorry your first expression together was blighted by too much alcohol!! If there is a next time, both of you need to agree to limit your consumption so you may act more responsibly and enjoy each other more thoroughly!!

Also, blacking out is often used as an excuse for unexcuseable behavior!! I'm glad she was okay with it by morning, but there are many more things to consider than just hooking up for an evening!!

Will she feel the same way if she is now pregnant?? If you both blacked out, there is little chance you used protection effectively!! Will either of you feel the same way if you discover STD's you didn't have before??

People who truly care for each other do not put themselves, or their loved ones, in situations where there are so many unanswered questions in the morning!!

What if you don't work out a relationship together; are you both willing to abstain until the incubation period has elapsed before choosing another partner??

If you truly care for each other, you will talk, and take steps to prevent another forgotten event!! It's not just your feelings you are talking about, it's your very life!!

Please keep me posted!! You have brought up some very serious issues!!

I send blessings to you both that the right and perfect thing happens at the right and perfect time!!

Earth Angel!!


Earth Angel profile image

Earth Angel 6 years ago Author

Sia, Sia, Sia precious young woman!!

What am I going to do with you???? You have sooooooooooooo much to offer a really good young man who would be sooooo into you!! But you have to let go of those who are not!!

The dynamics between you are just not healthy for either of you!! You have secrets, which negates the very definition of a best friend!! He is infatuated with someone else, which is a real ego downer!!

I am delighted that you guys are such good friends!! I am delighted that you are holding your own boundaries!! Kinda!! But sweet girlfriend, you need to give up this obession with him!!

Young men, old men, baby men, ancient men are usually very visual!! Miss Perfect-Looks sparks something in them!! There is no getting around that!! Rarely will substance, integrity, intelligence and good nature win in that battle!! It took me years to learn that lesson!!

Here's my latest two suggestions!! (If you are too young don't do these!!)

1) On most of the online dating services there is a personality profile!! It's free and ususally only takes 10-15 minutes!! They are really fairly accurate assuming you answer the questions as truthfully as possible!! It is amazing what a person can learn about themselves!!

2) Look through the online dating service, not for a date, but to see what qualities in a person stands out to you!! Make a list!! It's facinating!!

I thought my ideas in a friend/mate/lover were pretty basic!! Not so, I discovered!! I am absolutely not interested in anyone who smokes, drinks heavily, is financially irresponsible, sleeps with his Harley, and thinks exercise is driving to the movies!! Oh, and no fisherman!! I'm a vegetarian and the slaughter of innocent animals turns my stomach!!

You need to make yourself an honest list, brutally honest!! What you want in a relationship, and what you have to offer!! I have a feeling you will see that your best friend is a mismatch for you!!

In the meantime, you do not need to scream at him!! When it gets to be too much, just politely excuse yourself!! Or tell him you are delighted he has found someone special, but you need your conversations to include more variety than just a single subject!!

Hope that helps a bit!! Keep me posted!!

Happy New Year!!

Blessings always, Earth Angel!!


Earth Angel profile image

Earth Angel 6 years ago Author

Dearest Anna,

Thank you for sharing your heartfelt concerns about being in love with your best friend!!

I think everyone who writes/shares on this Hub DOES know pretty much how the object of their affections feels in return!!

What surprises me most, is that often people feel that if they tell their best friend that they are in love with them, that all of a sudden the feelings will be returned!! It just doesn't generally work that way!!

In terms of how to cross from friendship into the physical, only after much communication, and only with both parties consenting, then it should feel quite natural!

There is much geographic distance between you! Wait!! Keep your friendship alive, and sacred!! In time, things may blossom into more!!

Keep me posted!!

Blessings always, Earth Angel!!


mmm 6 years ago

nnnn


Jakey 6 years ago

I think i love my best friend, In fact i know i love her. Im always out with her nd stuff nd we get on really well. But about a couple of month ago a dont know how a just started to get feelings in different ways for her. i couldnt stop thinking about her all the time. I dont know what to say to her. Our friendship is really awesome we tell each other everything a just dont want to ruin everything if i tell her i want to be with her ?? HELP!!


MikeT 6 years ago

Hi Earth Angel,

I'll try and make this brief but the past few days have been very emotionally difficult on me, I've never experience the "heaviness in the heart" people describe but now I get it entirely.

Basically I've been friends with this girl who had a boyfriend of 2 years, we were just friends until around last christmas when we started talking and hanging out more often. She had been living with her BF but he worked away from the city so she wanted a roommate, and asked me. I agreed, and for the next 5 months we did everything together. This is when I really started to have feelings for her, we got along so good it was unbelievable. I just ignored them however since she had a serious boyfriend, however when I was camping one night I got a call from her drunk and crying saying how she broke up with him etc. I was pretty honoured to have been told this, she only told her one other friend... who is also a good friend of mine.

However for a period of a week she didn't say anything, I don't think she remembers the conversation since she was very drunk at a wedding. Eventually she told me sober, it was funny hearing it twice but I realised (at least I think) that she is a very shy and insecure girl, and when she drinks her barriers fall down and you can get a glimpse of her true feelings, at least I feel when people drink their inhibitions are lowered.

Anyways I had to leave at the end of summer to go to school out of state. I had one last meal at our place and went to leave, I remember she had put on sunglasses so I couldn't see her cry... I stammered something stupid out of my mouth and left, and when I got in my car and started to drive... I started to weep. I hadn't cried since I was a kid and it was quite the experience... anyways we decided I should come back over and stay one more night, which did help. Once I moved we talked on the phone at least 3 times a week, for long periods of time. I tried to distance myself a bit from her because I liked her so much it hurt thinking about her, found another girl and let my thoughts dwell on the new girl. 2 months later I broke up with the girl and came back to visit, and it was very hard to see her. All those old feelings came back and when I left it was the same emotional turmoil.

Fast forward to friday, I had just got back into town for christmas holidays, me and a couple friends went over to her place since we were all going to go out to a party... I hadn't drank in over a month and drank a bottle of wine way too fast, she also I think was nervous and drank way too much. I totally blacked out and I believe she did too, but apparently we ended up hooking up in front of everyone and all of our friends ditched us.

She was laughing and cool with it in the morning, saying "it had to happen eventually" but unless it's all in my head (which it probably is) she seems distant now. Our friendship has definitely changed, and I am so frustrated because I don't remember what was said or what happened.

For the past few days I have been severely depressed, and unsure of what to do. I was planning on leaving this city forever... but if I had the chance to be with her I would come study here. I've pretty much decided based on that fact that I need to confront her before I leave next week and let her know the situation. I am prepared to lose the friendship, all rewards in life carry some risk... to me this would be the ultimate reward.

I'm thinking I am going to run the idea by one of our mutual friends and see if she thinks it is a good idea first, and then form a plan... which is where I need help. Should I take her out for dinner before I leave, under the premise that we should hang out before I'm gone until summer? When do I start saying this stuff... when we are done eating? At the beginning before food? etc...

I need help!


Sia 6 years ago

Hi I'm back!!

Times have worsened about my confusion but blossomed for my friendship with him...

We are like best friends now...really really close friends...

And he likes this girl, his likes this 'pretty, picture perfect' girl..who probably is a dumb doll...

Like all friends do, all of us(friends) have been helping him out on how to proceed with her...And for the past days I must say he has somewhat succeeded..

But then he'd spend the whole day talking about how he likes her and how he cannot really ignore his studies, and a relationship will ruin his medical entrances and everything!! But then again he'll say he is so in love with her..which is impossible since he hardly knows her but whatever..

We'd all tell him to forget about her..some will encourage..some will say that what will he get from a small affair at school..he'd gain nothing from it...

To be honest in the whole process, I'm the one whose head will be fed on the most...He'll be after me all the time talking about her...Sometimes I can ignore it...But sometimes he gets on my nerves!!!

Sometimes I feel like screaming on his face "I LOVE YOU GOD DAMN IT!!! JUST STOP IT!!" But I so can't..I so can't figure out that even if I tell him I love him , how are we gonna advance..we are already so close emotionally, we are really good friends...How will everything change when I tell him the truth??

I'm loving my life right now..I've found such a good friend in him..and many other common friends too.. I'm really enjoying it..We all are even going for a school trip..I don't wanna ruin things but what to do about this longing of shouting the truth on his face..

Even some time back when we were talking on the phone, he was talking all about her... On one part he is sharing his deepest feelings with me..on the other I'm no where in them!!

Please Reply AS SOON AS POSSIBLE!!!

P.S ::: I don't think he knows I hold a key to some mystery girl!!!


Anna 6 years ago

Hi, i'm pretty desperate to be honest. I've been into my bestfriend for the past year and a half and it's only getting stronger. Unfortunately right now I'm in Sweden on an exchange and he's still at home in Bristol. I think I somehow missed my window with him. I don't know. He's always been the relationshippy kind and his relationships always end cause his gfs hate me. Theyre always jealous of what we have and everyone always thinks we're a couple. Well last Summer before I came here I told him how I feel sometimes tho I played it down a bit [quite a lot] and he was with someone and I was coming to Sweden so we didn't try anything. But now I feel the same way again. Another thing I'm worried about is even when I tell him [if I do] then what? like how will we go from platonic to physical ... I don't know. I don't think he feels the way I do tho.

Anna


Earth Angel profile image

Earth Angel 6 years ago Author

Dearest Vice-Chix!!

I am just delighted by your news of a budding romance between you and your dearest!! It sounds positively amazing and I feel blessed that you took the time to share it with me!! It sounds like you are taking all the right steps to ensure there will not be a repeat disappearing performance!! Plus, with 11 years passing, each can grow a lot!! It sounds like you both have grown together, even if distance and circumstances kept you apart!! This is fabulous news!! Thank you sooooooooooooooo much for sharing!! Love spreads even more love!!

Blessings always, Earth Angel!!


Earth Angel profile image

Earth Angel 6 years ago Author

Dearest pm1190 . . .

You do not read like you are a mess . . . Your writing is sensitive and articulate and insightful . . . I know what it is like to have no one to talk these confusing feelings out with . . .

I am so sorry to hear you are is such distress . . . First of all, pat yourself on the back for not taking any steps that would compromise you as a person, as a mother, as a wife and as a best friend to someone so special . . .

Your feelings for someone other than your husband are actually quite normal . . . There is just no way we can feel the same way about a person with whom we have spent 20 years, had kids, paid bills, fought, made up and tried to work out all our "stuff" with; impossible . . . So we may feel guilty when we find we have feelings for someone whose "slate" is a bit cleaner than the one we have at home . . .

Look at all the 30-40-50 year old women who have become addicted to the Twighlight Vampire Series . . . Forbidden love . . . It was written for young teens . . . But it's a story-line we can all relate to . . . We all know what it's like to fall in love with someone totally inaccessible . . .

I think most of us want hearts and flowers all the time, like how it was in the beginning of our relationship . . . And eventually we settle for hearts and flowers every now and then . . . What we usually get a truck load of diapers, never-ending laundry, an escalating mortgage, too much debt and college bills to pay . . . No wonder the grass looks greener . . .

It's not . . .

Really, it's not . . .

You do not need to beat yourself up for feelings you have not acted upon . . . Be kind to yourself and recognize all the amazing blessings you have in your life . . . A husband that is a good man and is not jealous of you having a best friend with whom you share so much, three wonderful kids . . .

Be grateful also that there is nothing more seriously wrong in your life . . . If you discovered tomorrow that your husband, or one of your kids, was terminally ill, would these thoughts even cross your mind??? Of course not, your focus would change in an instant . . .

You are a woman of integrity that is probably feeling a bit of marriage burn out . . . Understandable, to say the least . . . But the answer does not lie in throwing away the example you set for yourself, your marriage and your kids . . . . and your friends . . .

Be happy for your best friends engagement in that he has found someone to share his life, and his kids lives with . . . Remain an important part of their lives . . . And have both/all of them remain an important part of your lives . . .

Remember the old proverb . . . "I was feeling bad about having no shoes . . . Until I met a person who had no feet . . ." Appreciate your shoes, as old, dirty and worn as they may seem at times . . . They have been with you a long time and their comfort is priceless . . .

"When ever we are in discomfort,

our lack of appreciation for something

is at the root . . . " S. Grace

Please keep me posted . . . Keep writing . . . Writing is like talking . . . It helps work it all out . . .

Blessings always, Earth Angel . . .


pm1190 6 years ago

I have a situation going on in my life that is so stressful and I don't know what to do..I have been married almost 20 years..have three beautiful children. My husband is a good person. we have had our share of problems...especially over the last few years...that have left alot of mental scars on me. the thing is I have another person in my life that I have very strong feelings for,,,actually I do love him. I have had him in my life for almost 25 years and I can actually say he is my best friend. He has 3 children also and is engaged. We talk on the phone a few times a week.,.,sometimes for hours. We basically can tell each other anything,.but for the last year my feelings for my husband have been changing. I love him but I just don't see him or feel the way I used to...but I am feeling and seeing that for my friend. It has gotten to the point of dreams and thinking about him so much. I have nobody to talk to about it with and it is upsetting me so much, I would never cheat on my husband...but I just don't know what to do with these feelings....I feel guilty and have not done anything. I know that I could never tell him how I feel..honestly I don't know how he feels about me. I know he cares alot about me. But I don't know if he is that point I am at. I know if I ever spoke to him and told him how I felt things would never be the same. I could not deal with that he is a very big important part of my life...I am such a mess.


Earth Angel profile image

Earth Angel 6 years ago Author

Dearest Brandon . . .

Thank you for sharing your pain and confusion regarding your best friend . . . I wrote this Hub because it is an issue very close to my own heart . . . I hope you have a chance to read this Hub, and especially the comments that follow, several times and look at how it may apply to your own situation . . .

If in your heart of hearts you doubt she feels the same way, you are probably correct . . . I'm sure she loves you dearly, beyond measure . . . BUT she may not be "in love" with you . . .

The English language is soooooooooooooo limited in our words for "love" . . . So many other languages have dozens of words for which we use only one . . . This is part of the problem in our communications with each other . . .

I have been on the other side too often and lost cherished friends because they wanted to move our friendship to a more romantic level . . . One of the reasons our friendship could flourish is because both of us respected each others feeling and boundaries . . . We could be real and authentic with each other because there was a level of trust built over years of honoring our friendship . . . Once broken, because of one person wanting more, it could never be fully repaired . . .

"You cannot un-ring a bell . . . " Nothing you say can ever be taken back . . . So think wisely before you speak . . . Each and every word you say may/will change the dynamic between you forever . . .

Right now this is an especially sensitive subject to me, so I apologize if I am projecting on to you . . . I may be a little more bias than normal . . .

For the last two years my best friend (of ten years) and I have been building a business together (apart from my business, Earth Angel Publishing) . . . It is complex and needed legal documents drafted, etc. . . We finally nailed down all the details, reviewed the final documents for signature, and were about to open the champagne when he excitedly announced, "I am so in love with you I don't know what to do with myself!"

We have always told each other we love each other, in the same way we tell all our close friends we love them . . . But this was different; this was the first time he ever said "in love with you" . . .

Not wanting to spoil the occassion, I gently reminded him of how much I appreciate being best friends who love each other dearly, and are working toward helping so many other people with our new venture . . .

He said it was too late, he was head over heels in love with me and there was nothing I could do about it . . .

End of business . . .

Disasterous blow to a wonderful friendship . . .

I urge people to always give careful consider to both sides of the friendship/couple equation before speaking . . . Often, one person has lost the profound appreciation for a friendship when they want to take it to the next level . . . Revisit appreciation for your friendship first . . . Before you decide if you want to risk it all for something you are pretty sure isn't there . . .

I send you love and light and insight . . . Please keep me posted . . .

Blessings always, Earth Angel . . .

P.S. I'm still going ahead with the business . . . solo . . .


Earth Angel profile image

Earth Angel 6 years ago Author

Dearest Vice-Chix!!

My apologies!! I didn't see your comments until this moment!! Let me answer Brandon and I will celebrate with you!!

Blessings always, Earth Angel!!


Brandon 6 years ago

Hi

I've been in love with my best friend for years now and i feel so strongly about it,but I'm almost positive that she doesn't feel the same way.We're close and I think I'm just scared of what might happen.Lately,more than ever,I've felt like telling her I love her but I haven't done anything.I don't know where to go from here and how i should do it.Please help.I love her.


vice_chix 6 years ago

Oh, I should also mention -- he gave me the spare set of keys to his house!!!!! Now that is trust :)

He has showered me with much affection... and has truly opened up to me in a way (emotionally) that he even admits has never happened to him with any other woman before. He also has taken the time to MAKE gifts for me... which have sentimental value beyond anything he could ever buy.

We have taken the time to talk... about his issues... about where we have come from over the past 11 years... and how we have got to this point. As far as the future looks... and the potential for "the talk" I am sure is in the near future. But for now I am just enjoying his company, his time and of course our friendship at a whole different level.

I do love him... and only time will tell if those sentiments are reciprocal.


vice_chix 6 years ago

Good day Earth Angel.

I thought I would provide an update since my last entry regarding the admission of love to my best friend... and what has transpired.

Over the course of the past 2 months he and I have been "dating" and see each other once every 2 weeks (as we live almost 400 km apart). It has been easily the most magical and special time of my life.

We have spent many a romantic dinner together, and even spent an entire weekend (just the 2 of us) together to really bond with each other on a romantic level. He made all the plans for a very elegant and romantic getaway... so very special. I am so very lucky to have found a mutual affection with my best friend. What more could a woman want?

On that note, I am off to catch a train... to see him again.

No matter what happens (or doesn't)between us in the future...that the very special bond that we share will remain either as friends or otherwise.


Earth Angel profile image

Earth Angel 6 years ago Author

Dearest Sia,

That is wonderful news . . . And yes, it may be an indication that you are becoming more important to him . . . Deepening frienship, or maybe more . . .

Remember that 1) friends call friends when they haven't connected in a few days, and 2) he still thinks you hold the key to some mystery woman . . .

If you look at a painting, a single brush stroke does not define the finished canvas . . .

Don't put too much meaning into a single act/phone call . . . Relationships are created over time with many brushstrokes, many colors and many layers . . .

Sometimes we want something so badly that we can interpret the smallest gesture to mean something totally grand . . .

On the flip side, that same quality puts us in a position to be lied to very easily . . . It's the same quality salesmen feed upon . . . We want to believe our life will be better with that new house, or new car, new outfit or new boyfriend . . .

And the battered wife really, truly wants to believe it will never happen again . . .

One phone call, as exciting and promising as it might be, does NOT mean "definitely he wants me . . . right???"

How are you doing?? What in your life have you been doing for you?? With all this energy directed at one person, it is often easy to put ourselves aside . . .

Without self care, we only perpetuate an unhealthy cycle. . . We lower our own self-esteems, and to bolster them, we put even more emphasis on the other person . . .

Keep being your open, loving, giving, aware self . . . Love unfolding is more like a rose blooming . . . There is no forcing it . . . It happens naturally . . .

Keep me posted . . .

Blessings always, Earth Angel . . .


Sia 6 years ago

Remember you talked about the difference b/w wanting and needing the person?

Well we hadn't talked for about 4-5 days..and thus he called just for no reason, no guidance no help...just because he was missing me...definitely he wants me...right?


Sia 6 years ago

Hi Earth Angel...

I was just reading your previous comment again and to be frank...whatever you said about yourself when you were young is exactly what I am now....

Was just wondering...is there anyway to you know get a clue whether he likes me(instead of asking him straightaway) I mean some sort of signs!!!

Cause I'm simply HOPELESS these days...I keep thinking about him hours at a stretch and I guess am neglecting various other aspects of life...nothing else matters to me actually..

I guess sometimes I even get the feeling that I'm simply obsessed and it sort of irritates me...

Thanks again...


Earth Angel profile image

Earth Angel 6 years ago Author

You are more than welcome Sia . . .

I send you Love and Light and Truth . . . how ever it may unfold in your Life . . .

Blessings always, Earth Angel . . .


Sia 6 years ago

Thanks Earth ANgel..you always come up with a very deep thought as when you say "There is a vast difference in being close to someone because they "need" you and someone who "wants" to be with you because they recognize the divine gift you are . . . It's often the difference between love and Love . . . "

Well life shall just progress now.. and I'll let know how events unfold...


Earth Angel profile image

Earth Angel 6 years ago Author

Blessings to you this sunny morning Sia . . .

No, caring for another human being is never wrong . . . And caring for them in profoundly deeper ways than they return is never wrong either . . .

Love does NOT depend on the other person returning like-kind feelings . . . How the other person feels about us is really of little importance when it comes to our Loving them . . .

We all want to be Loved . . . Truth is, we all need to be Loved . . . The answer lies in BEING Love ourselves . . . Constantly being Love, spreading Love, contributing to Love, demonstrating Love in ever widening and deepening ways . . .

I write of Love with a capital "L" . . . This kind of Love is divinely inspired and sacred at its source . . . It is not a tug of war between feelings or intentions . . . And there are no blind spots full of questions . . . There is just a comfortable warm knowing . . .

Look at the components of Love . . . Honesty . . . Respect . . . Trust . . . Loyalty . . . Concern . . . Appreciation . . . Openness . . . Peacefulness . . . If any single one of those components are missing, it is not Love . . .

That's not to say that there aren't many kinds of Love/love . . . And all are valid . . . But our feelings come from our thoughts . . . So we must be ever vigilant that our thoughts come from a sound mind and an open heart . . .

I was quite heavy when I was younger . . . Now, many years and many pounds shed later, I see that my excess weight was my own defense against someone really getting too close to me . . . Both physically and literally . . . Although I thought that is what I craved beyond all else . . .

On top of that, I was attracted to young men who liked me but had zero romantic interest in me . . . Either because they were trim healthy jocks, or our backgrounds differed dramatically, or they were dating someone else . . .

But I was really smart . . . And they liked being around me for that reason . . . I was there for them at a moments notice, I could do their homework in a fraction of the time, I listened patiently to all their angst . . . I was a really good "egg" . . .

But none of them would ever have considered me a "girlfriend" . . . I was so head over heels but was never asked out on a "date" . . . Was never asked to the prom . . . I was the happy, friendly one who helped everyone get ready for the big events - but was not included . . .

Later, I would settle for the attention of young men who were not nearly as smart as me . . . Not as caring . . . Did not have the same depth . . . Complex, distressed, depressed souls who "needed" me . . . And in that, I found a kind of dysfunctional comfort . . .

There is a vast difference in being close to someone because they "need" you and someone who "wants" to be with you because they recognize the divine gift you are . . . It's often the difference between love and Love . . .

Hope some of the above helps . . . Keep me posted . . . You are doing fine . . . Keep being Love . . .

Blessings always, Earth Angel . . .


Sia 6 years ago

Hi Earth Angel..

Wrote my previous entry in a hurry...need to add some more things...

Caring about him isn't wrong is it? How do I find out whether he cares about me the same way I do for him? I don't even know how to pretend I need his help!!(I know I'm hopeless!)

But in a way, I get the feeling he does care for me... like when he has irritated me to death over something..and I'm just angry or maybe hurt..he'd apologise just in the sweetest way and I have to try so hard to stay mad at him!!

But that apology comes in this sweet way...that I just get to know how much he wants me..only god knows if that is as a friend or something more...


Sia 6 years ago

You are right..I'm too much of a giving person... But that is also because I'm very much satisfied and happy with all that I have in life( expect for the one thing you know..but that is one thing I can't share with anyone.. leave alone with him..)Whereas I don't know what sort of a weird personality he is..poor guy is always either depressed or confused and he requires someone to share his feelings with..only they aren't so personal, like mine are and he gets the guidance and support he wants from me....


Earth Angel profile image

Earth Angel 7 years ago Author

Blessings and Namaste' to you precious Sia . . .

I am glad to be of service . . .

I am also heartened that you are beginning to practice "neutral inquiry . . . " I don't know when or why in life we stop asking the zillion questions we did naturally as children . . . Maybe we think to be grown up we must provide the answers instead . . .

Neutral inquiry is the equivalent of searching for the Truth no matter what the answer . . .

In all matters where we are looking for "signs" we can "bend/report the facts" to make whatever point we desire . . .

Example: If someone I like calls me once during the first week, and then twice during the second week, I could interpret that as a 100% increase . . . That might make me feel really special . . .

Or, with Neutral Inquiry, I might discover he's just had a rough week and needs someone open, non-judgemental and supportive to talk to . . .

You are smart . . . Try leaning on him for some small incident that bothers you . . . If he is as caring to you and you are to him, that is a good start . . . If he makes excuses, or is just leaving for somewhere, etc., not so much . . .

Trying this once and having him not be there for you does not mean he doesn't value your friendship - he really could just be busy at that very moment . . . But if you do this a couple of times and get the same result, you will have your answer . . .

Also, pay attention to how much of your conversation is about "his" stuff and how much is about your stuff . . . Is it 60/40?? You sound like such a giving person, I imagine it is more 90/10 . . . What do you think???

Keep me posted as I so admire and honor your unfolding . . .

Blessings and Namaste' Earth Angel . . .


Sia 7 years ago

Thanks Earth Angel...Things are pretty much the same...

One thing you said I guess I made me think a different dimension...when you say

"It's one thing to "be there" when he calls; but is he there for you in the same way?? "

I guess thats what I need to find out..

Thanks...I guess you are the best guide I've had...


Earth Angel profile image

Earth Angel 7 years ago Author

Dearest Libra!!

I'm back after a two week magical adventure in the mountains!! I thought of you while at the edge of a cliff looking at the wide expanse below and hoped that some of the decisions you were/are facing have become more clear!!

Let me know if there is any way I may be of service!!

Blessings Always, Earth Angel!!


Earth Angel profile image

Earth Angel 7 years ago Author

Love and Light to you Sia!!

Of course I remember you!! You are a delight!! I have just returned from two weeks in the mountains so I apologize for the delay!!

Since your comment was posted two weeks ago, I imagine the landscape has changed since then??

Of course he likes you!! They both do!! But I think your question has more to do with "how" he likes/they like you!!??

Men often act much different than women would under the same circumstance!! I have experienced many men who get angry/jealous/possessive/irritated - and it has nothing to do with the way they feel about me!!?? It had more to do with how men act around men - and "one ups-man-ship!!"

The men I know are generally more direct when they have feelings of a romantic nature!! As women, we often hint/flirt/compliment/befriend/show interest/listen and take a less direct approach!!

Ask yourself if your friendship(s) are indeed a two way street?? Read vice-chix above and see if you feel "catered to" and "appreciated" in the same way as she does!!??

It's one thing to "be there" when he calls; but is he there for you in the same way??

As women we often mistake an equality (or lack thereof) in relationship!! We are so tickled by the attention, and we get so much out of the connection, that we give our hearts away openly and endlessly!!

Be thankful and grateful for your friendships with both!! If romantic feelings start to form, believe me, you will be the first to know!!

Thank you again for checking in!! Please let me know what has developed over the last couple of weeks!!

Blessings always to you gentle soul!!

Earth Angel!!


Earth Angel profile image

Earth Angel 7 years ago Author

Ahhhhhhhhh, blessings to you gentle vice-chix!!

How lovely to return from my two weeks in the mountains to see your loving update!! I am soooooooooooo touched by the genuine and authentic events that have divinely unfolded for you and your beloved!!

I hope the 300k dissolves like shifting sand and that the distance only makes your hearts yearn for each other more!!

I bless your next time together and send you warmth, sunshine and only LOVE!!

Thank you soooooooooooooooo much for sharing the unfolding of a new and refreshed connection with each other!!

Keep me posted!! Speading and sharing love only begets more of the same in the world!!

Blessings always, Earth Angel!!


vice_chix 7 years ago

Good afternoon.

As promised here is my update as per my hub comments Earth Angel.

I had a marvelous weekend with my best friend. One of the most romantic and intimate times I ever spent with a man.

It was indeed a date and his romantic intentions were apparent. After we went out for the afternoon to a sporting event we went back to his home where he cooked me dinner, we reminesced and listened to music. It was a great atmosphere filled with food, wine and laughter. An incredible bonding time.

We were planning to go out after... and it was raining so we decided to hang back before going out. That was when he took my hand and kissed me.

We made love with the rain pouring outside all night. He held my hand the entire time. It was so real and so different than anything we have ever shared. He held me until late morning in his arms. Made me breakfast... and we made love a final time before he departed. But this time...he was emotionally moved.

We have rekindled our once fleeting love.

After we departed last night... he kissed me goodbye... and has already emailed me telling me that "Yes, we will be catching up again very soon!" Plans are in the works for us to spend some time together in about 3 weeks (as we currently live 300 km apart).

He went out of his way to show me how kind, gentle and intimate he could be. I guess some things do change in time...


vice_chix 7 years ago

Earth_Angel

As promised an update regarding my weekend date with my best friend. He called me this week to confirm our plans for the weekend. He also confirmed with much directness that yes it was a date.

After we spend the day together watching a pro sport event he has asked if i would come back to his house to cook dinner for me. I asked if i could assist - but he said he wants me to relax and be my beautiful self while he cooks for me. He also mentioned several times that I was the one person that knew the "real" him and that he wanted an intimate place for us to talk. He closed our conversation by saying that he was looking forward to our day together.

All good signs I think!


Sia 7 years ago

Hi Once again dearest Earth angel....

I hope you remember me...

Ok so times seem to be different now... I have stopped having actual conversations with that chat account and now I simply drop by one mail in like 2-3 weeks saying hi and wassup...(I wished him gud luck for exams)...

But you know there is this other thing I wanted to share. We have a mutual friend..who has been his best friend since ages...Only now I'm really gud friends with both of them...So whenever I praise his friend in front of him and tell him how he is not I mean a pure gentleman unlike his friend..You should see how jealous he becomes..and he is so irritated at that moment...Does this mean he likes me?

Also these days our friendship is bonding more than ever...Yesterday he was a bit tensed..and the first thing he did was call me..and he said it made him feel better and that I'm nice and stuff...You know I was just about to tell him I'm the one who had been sending the mails..only I couldn't....


Earth Angel profile image

Earth Angel 7 years ago Author

Blessings gentle soul . . .

I am running to catch my plane and saw your wonderful and enlightening words . . . I just couldn't leave without telling you how much they touch my heart . . . Thank you so much for the clarifications . . . And I continue to send you bunches of blessings as it sounds like you are indeed on the right track toward a mutual and long-lasting connection . . .

I look forward to hearing more when I return . . .

Blessings always, A very happy Earth Angel . . .


vice_chix 7 years ago

Earth Angel,

Thank you so much for taking the time to respond to my post. Your advice and thoughtfullness is most appreciated.

A few notes of clarification. I do want to add that we have NEVER slept together. Our sexual intimacy lines were never crossed as far as intercourse goes. I was a virgin at the time and he was aware of that. Yes, he was older and also a student at the University albeit one that taught undergrads.

He was very kind to me those many years ago. Taking me out on many dates, reading to me and even bringing me chicken soup when I was sick (that was the moment I fell for him). He is a true gentleman... one of the many few that still believes in chivalry and always was respectfully of my boundaries.

However, I absolutely agree that I make excuses for his behaviour. Things that I pointed out to him most explicitly once he told me he wasn't in a position to feel the same of me as I him. I was heart broken and with all the courage I could muster I told him that and how his actions had affected me even years later. He took it all in and let me vent with much diplomacy and understanding.

As of late he has tried to show me that he is trying to grow-up and change and move past his many issues. Something that I am trying not to overlook and to be wise to so as not to get "thrown under the bus" again. He is trying for me... I know he is. He introduced me to family; he is now attending weddings (something he was scared to do before); he is reading romance books (we have a book club); and has confided in me about his moving. More recently, the postcard was an act of generosity that was very direct to the heart of the matter.

I had the courage to tell him how I felt about him... and he to take in all of the emotion, and drama that I dealt his way as a result. A true friend indeed. At this point, I know that he is working towards a mutual connection with me... and I can only give him the chance that he deserves.

Thank you again Earth Angel. I will keep you posted.


vice_chix 7 years ago

Earth Angel,

Thank you so much for taking the time to respond to my post. Your advice and thoughtfullness is most appreciated.

A few notes of clarification. I do want to add that we have NEVER slept together. Our sexual intimacy lines were never crossed as far as intercourse goes. I was a virgin at the time and he was aware of that. Yes, he was older and also a student at the University albeit one that taught undergrads.

He was very kind to me those many years ago. Taking me out on many dates, reading to me and even bringing me chicken soup when I was sick (that was the moment I fell for him). He is a true gentleman... one of the many few that still believes in chivalry and always was respectfully of my boundaries.

However, I absolutely agree that I make excuses for his behaviour. Things that I pointed out to him most explicitly once he told me he wasn't in a position to feel the same of me as I him. I was heart broken and with all the courage I could muster I told him that and how his actions had affected me even years later. He took it all in and let me vent with much diplomacy and understanding.

As of late he has tried to show me that he is trying to grow-up and change and move past his many issues. Something that I am trying not to overlook and to be wise to so as not to get "thrown under the bus" again. He is trying for me... I know he is. He introduced me to family; he is now attending weddings (something he was scared to do before); he is reading romance books (we have a book club); and has confided in me about his moving. More recently, the postcard was an act of generosity that was very direct to the heart of the matter.

I had the courage to tell him how I felt about him... and he to take in all of the emotion, and drama that I dealt his way as a result. A true friend indeed. At this point, I know that he is working towards a mutual connection with me... and I can only give him the chance that he deserves.

Thank you again Earth Angel. I will keep you posted.


Earth Angel profile image

Earth Angel 7 years ago Author

Dearest Vice-Chix . . .

What a beautiful love story . . . Thank you for sharing . . . It is often hard for us simple humans to understand the complexity of Divine Connection with another . . .

My prayer is that you are able to reconnect and that it is even more magical than before . . . that each of your life experiences has prepared you to be there for the other in even more meaningful ways . . . that fear has been replaced with wisdom and compassion . . .

My counsel would be one of compassion for yourself . . . Having been run over by a bus once, take care not to put yourself under the bus again . . .

If you re-read your own kind words above, I think you may discover how many excuses you made for his inexcusible behavior . . . Intimacy issues is not a valid reason for sleeping with someone and leaving without notice . . . He was the adult in a position of authority . . . His behavior was not very adult-like . . . Nor very loving . . .

Some men love differently than women can comprehend . . . Men and women really are often so different in their expectations . . . Women often assume "he loved me today, so he will love me tomorrow" . . . Some men, "I loved her today . . . it was great . . . end of story"

Hopefully, the years have reset his compass and his priorities . . . that wisdom has tempered his flight response . . . that compassion has eliminated his ability to take advantage of anyone . . . And that he values intimacy as a component of sexuality, not its replacement . . .

I'm just leaving to go out of town for 10 days . . . I will hold you in my prayers that your time together is the start of something truly magical and sincere for you both . . .

I will look forward to hearing how it went when I return . . .

Blessings always, Earth Angel . . .


vice_chix 7 years ago

I too have fallen in love with a best friend. However, our situation is a bit different than any of the aforementioned.

My friend and I met 11 years ago while I was a freshman at university and he an associate professor. Despite our age difference we dated and became close friends. However, our friendship came to a close at the school's year-end when he went off to Asia to teach at a University there and to pursue an accomplished professional career thereafter. Most unfortunate for me was how things ended. We spent the night together ... holding each other and it was amazing... he whispered in my ear that he cared about me deeply when I was sleeping... and I fell in love. When he drove me home that morning... I never hear from him again (no goodbye nothing). I was devestated.

We fell out of touch for about 8 years at which point I became married. Truth-be-told I married the next guy that I met after he left for Asia (we met a week later).

About 3 years ago we met up on a social networking site and for years we conversed as friends. Teased, flirted and I really cherished the time we spent getting to know each other again. It was just so great to have that closeness with him again. Even only as a friend. He was there for me as a friend when I needed one during my separation from my husband - something I am so grateful for. About a year ago he visited my city (he lived on the other side of the country) we went out for brunch and he introduced him to his brother. It was a really great time. Just seeing him again, hugging him ... brought all those memories back for me... and I wasn't prepared for it.

It took me about 2 months after seeing him ... but I wrote a letter telling him how I felt, letting him know how he had broken my heart those so many years ago and how he had mattered and always will to me. That I felt more than a platonic level of attachment to him. It took him a few days and he actually responded with much integrity and class to my letter. He has severe intimacy issues ... and commitment issues... so this was something that he took much time and thought into doing. He pointed out that he didn't want to interfere with my life, that he wasn't in a position to reciprocate my sentiments given that I lived on the other side of the country and that he was seeing someone. But he did say that he liked me but circumstances were what they were. Love was a dog from hell indeed.

So for about 6 months I was devestated. I tried to keep things platonic and continue our writing and conversing... but my ego got the better of me and I knew that for the sake of his relationship it was selfish of me to even keep up the charade. For his sake and that of his relationship I ended our friendship. Stating I would always be there but I didn't want to jeopardize his future with another given my disclosure. He never responded.

Flash forward 2 months later... I had a really sad dream about him one night ... devestating actually. It was him sitting in a bar at a table alone and crying. He looked emotionally distraught. So the next day I broke down and emailed him. Just to see that he was alright. He responded my telling me that he and the g/f had broken up... that he was moving close to my city the next month and that this was news that only I and his family knew of. He also said that we should hang out and catch up as soon as he moved. I sent him a congrats gift for his new venture and he was overjoyed!

For the last month or so... we have communicated quite frequently... and now that I am enjoying singlehood there seems so much less pressure on pursuing romance with him. I do still care for him deeply. He knows that and for me that is enough. His happiness has always meant more to me than my own... and if I am not "the one" than I am not.

On his road trip to move close by he sent me a postcard... which was quite symbolic for us because of how he disappeared the last time he left on a journey. It meant so much to me. I know I will keep it always.

As of last week he asked me on a date! He re-arranged his schedule and has officially asked me on a date. I am not sure what we are doing but I was told to clear my entire day to spend with him.


Libra 7 years ago

Thanks for all your advice. I am not angry with your advice I know you care. I just don't agree with all of it. My husband knows that I am not happy. We have done a few sessions of counseling and he thinks our marriage is normal. I know I am not perfect and have thing to work on myself but the counselor agreed with me that he needs to work very hard on the marriage. He stopped going to counseling when she said that. He does not want to work at it. He is very lazy! Like I said we are just like roomates. We don't even watch tv together. He likes to be alone all the time. All he likes to do is watch tv and play video games when he is at home.

I know I need to make alot of decisions for my future. I do agree with the part it is not easy to go through a divorce especially with a child involved but I want to be happy and I want my son to be happy too. Life is very hard at times and there are alot of unhappy people in the world. I know I am not the only one going through this type of situation.

I would never want to take someone's husband away but I know my friend is miserable in his marriage and I want him to be happy too. I know he has decisions to make too.

I feel that everything that happens in life happens for a reason good or bad. My friend is in my life for a reason.


Earth Angel profile image

Earth Angel 7 years ago Author

Dearest Libra . . .

Thank you for your thoughtful response . . . I'm glad that you are pondering and thinking things through . . . When our hearts want to fly, it is hard to just sit on a limb . . .

I believe you have worked very hard on your marriage . . . Yes, marrying someone so quickly does not often allow enough time for all qualities in the other to surface . . . It might not be so much that your husband has changed, as much as it is that you have gotten to know each other 1,000,000% better over the years . . . It makes it much harder . . . Not impossible, but much harder sometimes . . .

I imagine if you were to ask your husband the same, he would say that he has worked hard on your marriage as well . . . Or, maybe he would say that there is nothing wrong with your marriage . . . Or, maybe he would say that marriage is work and it's just suppose to be this way . . . Or, that you are the one who has changed . . .

That's the problem . . . No where above did you mention how "he" sees/feels the situation . . . Communication is of paramount importance in any relationship . . . I can certainly understand your discouragement . . . I was there once myself . . .

I know the lure away from a life-less marriage to the prospect of happiness with a soul-mate scrambles our minds and clouds our judgement . . . It certainly would seem easier with a clean slate . . .

It's not . . .

Have you ever gone to couple counseling?? Spoken to your Pastor?? Either alone or as a couple?? Or, have you yourself reached a place of no return in your marriage?? Has your husband??

Another missing point above is that your perspective is that you are either with your current husband, or with the object of your affections . . . There is no mention of leaving your marriage just because it is over, regardless of what your soul mate might decide . . .

There is no mention of you being on your own . . .

I agree with you . . . No one should stay in a love-less marriage . . . It is not good for the soul, the spirit, health or the kids . . . Everyone looses . . . But that has nothing to do with taking someone else's husband . . .

YES, YES, YES you CAN control who you fall in love with . . . We often look at love as a feeling . . . It is NOT . . . If you look at love as a feeling you will soon discover all feelings are caused by a chain of thoughts . . . And YES we can control our thoughts . . .

Love is a process . . . Love is kind and not selfish . . . Love only wants the best for the other person, regardless of us being in the picture or not . . .

Do you really truly feel that you could add so much to this other man's life that all the pain and suffering he will cause his own children, wife and family will be worth it for him?? Can you really calculate that loss for him and guarantee that you are so many more times worth it?? And then of course double it because of your own children and family . . . That sounds like the height of selfishness, and certainly not love . . .

And do you think this wonderful other man really would want a woman who would break up her own family and leave her own kids?? It's a Catch-22 . . . You love each other for all your good qualities . . . Yet are willing to throw the good qualities away to be together?? That's inconsistent . . .

What kind of a man would leave his wife and kids for another woman and her kids?? Is that really the kind of man you would leave your own family for??

I totally agree that people should only stay in good and healthy marriages . . . But good and healthy marriages are made up of good and healthy people . . .

Good and healthy people don't take short cuts to get what they want . . . Nor do they take what they want away from other people . . .

Earth Angel doesn't mean to be harsh, but if you re-read your words above, they are not good nor healthy . . .

Try re-reading all of the above from the perspective of a Therapist . . . You are a good writer and express yourself well . . . That is not the issue . . . When you re-read your own words, as though you were a Counselor giving heartfelt advise to someone in distress, what do you read??

Does the person writing have a "balanced" perspective?? Are all sides considered?? Is there compassion anywhere?? Does it seem realistic?? What happens when the "facts" are put in one pile and the "feelings" put in another; does everything still add up?? Does the writer sound like she is not getting her needs met?? Has she given up?? Does it sound like she any energy left for her marriage?? Are fantasies involved??

If your marriage is over, then it is over . . . Start taking the steps to dissolve it . . . It is a long process to end a 13 year marriage . . . It is complicated and messy and not often very pretty . . . And it takes time to grieve the loss . . . And it takes time to get on your own feet economically and emotionally . . . There are no short-cuts . . .

Your decision to end your marriage needs to be independent of any other person on the horizon . . . Especially one that has given you no indication he is willing to be a party to any of this kind of thinking/planning . . .

I'm sure he loves you . . . In another time and place maybe the two of you would have been a couple . . . Or maybe in the future when you both have taken steps of honor - your spouses/children really deserve at least that much consideration if you are going to break promises/vows you both made . . .

You are doing well with your introspection . . . Don't stop now . . . You are headed toward the Light . . . toward the Truth . . . It just gets bumpy sometimes . . .

Let me know if any of the above makes you angry . . . That would be a good sign . . .

Continued blessings always, Earth Angel . . .

P.S. It's my BD weekend and so I may be away from the computer for bits of time . . . Even away, I am still thinking of you and sending warmest thoughts for loving resolution . . .


Libra 7 years ago

Thank you for your advice. I agree and disagree with what you said. I feel that we are both in bad marriages and that we were brought together for a reason. Sometimes when people divorce it is a good thing and sometimes it is a bad thing depending on the situation. I am not looking for an affair or to destroy anyone's family however I do feel that we have a very deep connection and that we are in love. That is what hurts the most right now. We both don't want to hurt anyone but sometimes people do fall in love and you can not help how you feel. I feel that people can change when you get married. My husband has totally changed and there is nothing I can do about it. I have tried everything to make my marriage better and he does nothing. Same thing in my friends marriage. I don't think people should stay in bad marriages just for the children. Alot of people do stay and then when there kids are grown and out of the house then alot of people end in divorce because the only thing they had in common was the kids. I don't think it is good for children to see an unhealthy marriage. My husband hardly talks to me and shows me no love and affection. We are like friends/roomates. Unfortunately alot of married couples end up like this too. I wish my marriage was good.

I always thought marriage was easy like a fairytale. I have found out in the past 13 years that marriage is alot of work and alot of times it is totally one sided and that is sad. I wish I could say the past 13 years have been good but they have not been great or easy at all for me.

With my friend I feel the exact same everytime I see him. I feel happy and in love with him and the feelings never go away they only seem to get stronger because we have so much fun together and so much in common. I have tried to stop loving him but I can't do it. He is an amazing person and I am so lucky to have him in my life for whatever reason. He has only brought me happiness since I have known him.

I have seen my friends go through divorces and marry a great person the 2nd time around. I do think it is possible to find your soul mate after you have been married. I don't understand why that happens to people but I do think some people rush into marriage, kids and don't really get to know each other well enough and that is why the divorce rate is so high.

My husband and I hardly dated. He was in the military when I met him and we did not get to date much because he was in England and I was in the states. So we got engaged within 6 months. One month of dating and five months of talking on the phone, emailing and writing letters. When he came back from England we were engaged and married within 7 months. So sometimes rushing into a marriage can be a bad thing.

That is why I have mixed feelings on your advice. I do agree that people should stay in a marriage but only if it is a good healthy marriage. So many marriages are not good and healthy. Marriage is alot of work and if both are not working on it you both end up growing apart. I can honestly say I have worked on my marriage in the past years and that my husband has done nothing to make it good or better. He just does not seem to care.


Earth Angel profile image

Earth Angel 7 years ago Author

Dearest Libra . . .

My heart breaks for your situation . . . You really have answered your own question above, if you read your own words carefully . . .

You are both married and have children . . . with other people . . . Soul mates or not, there are very, very, very few people in the world that are willing to dissolve an existing family for a romance . . .

No matter how much it tugs at your heartstrings, and maybe his as well, ZERO good things come from devastating the lives of others . . .

Close friends and the dearest co-workers often take a kind of simple pleasure from the flirting and closeness of those in their work environment . . . It breaks up the monotony . . . It puts a spark in the day . . . It gives a little jolt of excitement . . . It makes getting ready in the morning a little less a chore . . . And the fantasies of a happier future are often more creative than the task for which a person is being paid as an employee . . .

Sometimes people think that "more is better . . . " In this case it is not . . . And he may realize that the two of you would be playing with fire and has appropriately backed off without cutting you off completely . . .

More is not always better . . . More chocolate, an excellent antioxidant, causes too many pounds . . . More exercise, good for the heart but wears out the joints . . . More possessions look nice but cause much more housework . . . More money causes more management . . . More beauty causes unwanted attention . . . More romance with someone else causes heartache and divorce . . . "Everything in life in moderation . . ."

One of the reasons office romances are so seductive is that each person usually sees the other in their best light . . . The chores of raising a family, paying the bills, cooking, keeping a house, and wiping up snot etc. are not part of the equation . . .

All married relationships usually have an inequity between the partners in religious beliefs, neatness, cleanliness, sexual appetite, financial contributions, expectations, in-laws, hobbies, life goals, manners, levels of respect, self-esteem, etc. Add to the above the differences in belief systems regarding how to raise one's children and it's amazing anyone ever stays married for long . . .

When we have a long-term positive relationship/friendship with someone that we so resonate with at the office, we project that same smooth sailing over an envisioned love . . . But that is all it is, an illusion . . .

Maybe he hasn't said anything because there is nothing he can say that would respect 100% of ALL the parties involved . . . Think it through objectively; what could he possibly say to you in response that would be okay with his wife, his kids, your husband, your kids, all your parents and the family ministers??? And if it's not okay in front of all of those people, it's not okay . . . period!!

Don't do it precious Libra . . . Isn't your astrological sign the balanced scales of justice?? Pursuing this any further goes completely against your core values . . .

Instead, take the time and energy to ask yourself what is it that is missing in your life that makes you look elsewhere for satisfaction?? It's NEVER about the other person - it's what you feel lacking inside you in some way . . . We all get lost within marriages . . . It sounds like it's time for you to find yourself again . . .

Does any of the above make any sense to you??

Please keep me posted . . .

Blessings to you and your family . . . Earth Angel . . .


Libra 7 years ago

I told a friend of mine that I have feelings for him. We have been so close for about 5 years. We have spent so much time together at work and have a great connection. We have everything in common and people have picked up on our connection and even thought we were married. We currently are both married and I have one son and he has two sons. I feel that he is my soul mate.

I got the nerve up to text him that I care about him and have feelings for him and since then we have only said hi two different times at work and have not had a conversation in almost two weeks. He looks happy to see me but scare and nervous. I don't know what to think. I was hoping he would respond someway by now. Can you please give me some advice. I know he that he loves me but why can't he say it?


Earth Angel profile image

Earth Angel 7 years ago Author

Dearest Daniel . . .

I am so sorry to hear you are under the weather today . . . Sometimes the body releases all the toxins it has been subconsciously holding inside due to stress . . . I'm glad it is melting away . . .

I think you are reading the signs correctly . . .

Dinner last night sounds like a wonderful start to repairing your bruised friendship . . . It sounds like you both were trying very hard to put each other at ease and move on from here . . . News like that warms my heart . . .

Yes, time and space are still needed . . . I trust that your clear sensitivity will guide you in your actions . . . And not let your emotions cloud the blue sky you now share . . .

Flowers after a dinner party is always an appreciated gesture by the hostess . . . (Flowers taken to a dinner party causes the hostess to stop, find a vase and prepare them for water - not appreciated as much as she is generally in the midst of preparing the meal . . . )

I am delighted that you took the time to check in and let me know how it all went . . . And I am happy to hear it went so very well . . . Very loving indeed . . .

Take good care of yourself . . .

Keep me posted . . .

Blessings of clarity and peace to you dearest Daniel . . .

Earth Angel . . .


Daniel 7 years ago

Greetings to you this day Earth Angel,

Well, the dinner was good last night, i can tell you that :)

The first moment we got to her house (a friend of mine and me) and she opened the door was a bit awkward, she was not paying all the attention i said hello etc, but hey i knew it would be awkward ;) But soon after that, walking to the place we would eat, we got in a normal conversation like we always used to do: how her day was, what i've been doing etc. It felt good since i could feel she was , well almost, acting normaly around me. (she was walking closely beside me so that was a good thing, i guess)

The Dinner itself was also good, her boyfriend was also there, but i couldn't mind. I talked with her some more, and she even could laugh about the silly jokes i use to make when im with friends. She loves them, but others don't always get them... :) i like to do impersonations and she always 'dies' of laughing, and so she did now. I realy was happy that i could make her laugh, a thing last week wouldn't been possible.

It realy felt like nothing happened the last week. We could look eachother in the eyes again, not for long but still, looking at eachother straight in the eyes when not conversing, is good thing i would say? She could smile again at me.. I'm happy when can try to make this work again.

Today she'll be getting the flowers i've sent her, the delivery guy will be there at 16:00pm orso (i have a fever and laying currently in my bed..) But bringing her the flowers myself wouldn't be such a good idea afterall ;)

What i need to do now, is give her the space she needs, give her the time she needs.... I don't know for how long, i don't know how she'll react to the flowers, but what i DO know: is that i love her, and i don't want to lose her as a friend....

Blessings,

Daniel


Earth Angel profile image

Earth Angel 7 years ago Author

Blessings to you dearest Daniel . . .

"Why is she so terrified about everything i said... I get the idea she's realy having a hard time, while i'm much more clear about what i did and how i want to settle things... "

"Terrified" is a strong word . . .

I know it is often hard to imagine that the "person on the other side of the misunderstanding" does not feel the same sense of relief and calm that you may be feeling . . .

I thought her discomfort might continue and that's why I wrote above: "It is only natural that a person who has been caught off guard will be a bit wary for a while . . . There is nothing except time and good consistent behavior on your part that will allow her to relax down stream . . . "

Try to look at it from her perspective . . . In 48 hours or less you guys went from being best friends where you were feeling protective of her, to a little too much beer and her being a bit protective of you, to confessions of stronger feelings, to feeling like H--L, to sincere apologies, flowers on the way, phone calls, a dinner with friends planned, to wanting to get back to being friends and to kinda dismissing/minimising the consequences/repercusions of the whole unfortunate incident . . .

What if circumstances had been reversed with a different girl that was your close friend?? Then HER behavior would have caused you to pause (at the very least) and question as well . . . Such swings in behavior might have frightened you a bit . . . I know they would have me . . .

Daniel, you were the one driving that roller coaster . . . On a ride she might not have enjoyed so much, but had no choice about . . . The roller coaster has come to a stop and you feel good, or at least relieved, about the ride . . . She, on the other hand, may still be "white knukling" it . . .

There is no way to "un-ring" a bell . . . And none of us know how long the sound will resonate within our hearts . . . It sounds like you are willing to play a different tune before she can quite get the last song out of her head . . .

There is nothing you can do to un-ring the bell Daniel . . . Just give her time and space and understanding and your consistent respectful behavior over time . . .

Remember, actions speak 10 times louder than words . . . She needs your consistent actions . . . She has been witness to several different sides of "Daniel" and she needs to know which sides are more prominent/dominant . . . That takes time . . . And it's on her healing schedule, not yours . . .

Eventually she will relax and see that your beer-behavior was just a blip on the radar . . . If you say/do anything to rush HER healing process, she will run the other way . . . It would be the only sane reaction . . .

If you are feeling weird/unprepared/unrelaxed/unsure about this coming Wednesday, postpone it a week or so until you can be completely natural . . . Do not drink alcohol . . . Your authentic self, the one she feels so close to, is the one she invited to dinner . . . Any less from you and more damage may be caused . . .

Now might be a good time for you to go back and re-read this Hub and all the comments that followed . . . I just did and there are some wonderful insights that may have been missed on the first read . . .

Let me know your thoughts . . . Hopefully before Wednesday . . .

Have a wonderful, calm, peaceful, introspective weekend Daniel . . .

Blessings always, Earth Angel . . . .


Daniel 7 years ago

Hi Eath Angel,

Nothing special going on at the moment, but there's just one thing i don't understand, and that's the fact:

Why is she so terrified about everything i said... I get the idea she's realy having a hard time, while i'm much more clear about what i did and how i want to settle things...

I'll let you definatly know how Wednesday went ;)

Daniel


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Earth Angel 7 years ago Author

Blessings and Sunny Greetings to you Daniel . . .

It warms my heart to know I could be of service to you in some small way . . . You are more than welcome . . .

Yes, the feeling of being fully alive is magnetic . . . Some say the magical aspect is unreal and will fade in a short time . . . I say our most alive state is the most real, and the rest of our lives we have just allowed to sadly dull-down . . .

In my world, I do my best to keep one foot on the ground and one foot in the heavens . . . This gives me the best of both . . . And guides me to walk a middle path . . .

Reading between the lines I can sense your renewed appreciation for life, for love, for all the senses . . . And all the blessings life has to offer . . . You are blessed beyond measure . . .

This fully alive state can be a bit heady . . . And very powerful . . . Be kind to yourself while you are learning to fly . . . Get much sleep, consume little (if any) alcohol . . . You are now a beacon of light for others as well . . . Treat the responsibility with great reverence . . .

Life will call on you again . . . There will be forks in the road . . . I know you will choose the best path for you . . .

Blessings always, Earth Angel . . .

P.S. Let me know how next week's dinner goes . . . . The Earth Angels will be by your side . . .


Daniel 7 years ago

Hi Earth Angel,

I certainly ridden the rollercoaster of emotions this week, maybe more than once...

I have to say, it may be something not very nice when you're filled with emotions and riding the rollercoaster, but i can say now, with a cleared mind: these things make you feel sooo much more alive, i know that sounds like a bad movie, but it's true. Feeling things that make you happy or sad, or both at once, realy make you love life more than anything.

I truely have learned alot of all of this.... First of all i realy need to listen better to myself, and not get overwhelmed by emotions and feelings, although sometimes that can be hard. Much more important i care so much more about the people i closely know.... I need to beware of the fact that sometimes it's good to reconsider the things you might wanna say, not because they are stupid or unthoughtfull but more because you may damage more than you know....

Feeling love for the ones you care about, is sometimes more than enough to let them know how you feel: your actions will be lead by the fact that you love them. There is not always the need to tell them that you love them in a dramatic way, it will only make things awkward and more important: there is simply no need for it.....

I give my friend the space she needs to get clear and that she sees that i truly think our friendship is the most important thing. I do hope the flowers will deliver the right message ( i only wrote that i was sorry ... friends forever) since i don't wanna break any more.....

The problem with my mind is that i hang on to things way to much.... I can't let go of things that have happened... That exactly is the same now, but i realy am trying to let it go...

I think my spirit is at this time somewhat tired of my mind and my logic, i can feel them yelling at eachother... But i'm feeling confident that when they settled everything, my friend and i can laugh at the things that happened....

Love is beautifull, anyone questioning that should look at them selfs and ask if they are thinking clearly...

I couldn't be more thankfull to you earth angel for the advice you gave...

Daniel


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Earth Angel 7 years ago Author

Dearest Daniel . . .

I am soooooooooooooo delighted that things have turned out in a positive way for the two of you . . . It sounds like a really growing/healing time for each of you . . . And friendships that can weather the storm are often stronger of sail . . .

Yes, definitely put some safeguards in place to avoid a repeat, like sticking to tea (or limit of one beer) and bringing a friend and not staying over . . .

Remember also that just because you now feel an enormous sense of relief, and are feeling much better and happy and clear, the circumstances will not have provided her with the same warm-fuzzies . . .

It is only natural that a person who has been caught off guard will be a bit wary for a while . . . There is nothing except time and good consistent behavior on your part that will allow her to relax down stream . . .

I'm glad to hear you sent her some flowers of apology . . . And that it will be clear to her that that is what the intention sincerely is behind the blooms . . . Delivered incorrectly, or at the wrong time, or with an unclear message, will only make her question your motives . . .

Soooooooooooooooooooo, Mr. Daniel . . . what have you learned about yourself in all of this??? You have certainly ridden the roller coaster of emotions this last week . . . How does all of this play out in your Spirit??

Sooooooooooooooooooo glad things are more positive . . .

Blessings always, Earth Angel . . .


Daniel 7 years ago

Ow and what i forgot,

I did send her some flowers, she should get them somewhere next week.... I think flowers tell more than words sometimes....


Daniel 7 years ago

Hi There earth Angel,

I realy admire how you put those deeply touching words in a way all people feel understood and i deeply respect you for helping those lost with their feelings...

I must say, after what happened, i feel great now, but that is because it all came so clear to me what i REALY feel for her.

What happened in the last 48 hours.....

I woke up after that terrible night and i saw her shortly before she went to work. She was soo sad, i couldn't have hated me more at that time... I felt terrible to put her in this position: I realy hated myself at that point, and i still do in somewhat way... I went back to bed to sleep some more but i couldn't: My mind was still full with what happened.

It was terrible weather that morning, so i decided to go out for a walk in the pouring rain. It realy felt good, i walked in my blazer through the rain for about an hour and it came clear to me what i realy feel, what my heart wanted to shout, but wich i told her in a terrible context.

It came clear to me that its not romance i'm looking for, and i went through this a couple of times and i realy made up my mind: What i love about her, why i love her, is that i truely and deeply love our friendship, and there is nothing worth doing to lose that....

I walked back and left her place shortly after that. I sat in the train, listened to some music and again i ran everything through my mind: what i want to give her, what my heart deeply wants is that i want to be there for her, i want to give her that one shoulder when she needs it, listen to her when she wants to be heard, have fun with her when we're both down. I realy want to be there for her, as long as i'm on this green planet. I guess there is my protectiveness again, i realy want her to be safe with me... Be there for her in this world that sometimes is so dark for her....

When i got home i went to bed to sleep for some hours. When i woke up i wanted to call her, but decided that i could better wait with that till today, so i did.

I called her just this afternoon, and well, it was great telling her my true feelings in the way i truly feel them.

I told her that i was stupid and that it was terrible what happened. But most important, telling her my true feelings not with any influence but only my heart there to let me talk. (I'm only ordering tee now in bars..)

She told me that she was mad, terribly angry with me when she was at work, cursing me for what i had done: i couldn't agree with her more, i truly do, she had all the right to do that. But then she told me she was happy that i care about our friendship, and she still wants to be friends. She first asked me if i was only telling these feelings now on the phone to cover the fact that i do want a relationship, but i told her to believe me and that this was realy what was on my mind..

She also told me that this was not the first time something like this happened to her: and she asked if she should act different towards boys and male friends. In my eyes that's redicioulus, since there is no possible way how you should act near friends making them not love you.

Friendship lasts forever in my eyes and i was so happy she told me she wanted to stay friends. She told me to forget about what happened and the same i told her.

At the end she asked me if i wanted to go to a dinner/drink with a group of people this wednesday, wich is ok with me, but she told me to bring a friend with me, to loosen the tension between the two of us: an idea i couldn't agree more with.

After the call i was relieved: i told her what i realy ment, and she did accept it. What i told her that night sounded like i wanted a relationship, a romance wich i definitely don't want. I cherish our friendship, nothing is worth doing to lose that. It will be awkward seeing her these days, but hey, thats normal i would say. She told me that it would be best if i wouldn't sleep over for the next weeks: ofcourse not! i couldn't agree more. Maybe after some months, but not now. I'm happy that she is still willing to stay friends, and i'm gonna work on closing 'the wound' i caused in our friendship. I realy hope it all works out after what happened.

I hate myself for what happened, i get mad at myself when i think about what i've caused, but i'm also sooo happy, that she wants to stay friends. I cried when she told me that...

I guess, it will be somewhat hard for these days to act normal around eachother, but then again: i will work on that to make it work again.... I can only say: love is beautifull, but for me, i told it in the wrong context.. I truly love her deeply, i have feelings for her, but as a friend. That's how i want it to be, and that's what finatly came clear to me.....

What she told her boyfriend, i don't know, i don't have an answer for that. I don't want to know, and maybe she's keeping it quiet for him...

Thank you earth angel, helping me through my thoughts....

Love,

Daniel.


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Earth Angel 7 years ago Author

Daniel, Daniel, Daniel . . .

No, I do not hate you . . . Such spiritual-disconnection flys in the face of all Earth Angels . . . We do love . . . We are love . . . We send love . . .

I waited a day to respond so your equilibrium could settle back into your body minus too much beer . . . and too much self-incrimination . . .

"Sometimes our desire for happiness is not in alignment with our methods of going about attaining it . . . "

Don't get me wrong, Earth Angels adore beer as well . . . But we try to take everything in moderation . . . Sounds like a bit of moderation was lacking the other night . . . And the next morning . . .

A less-than-optimal choice in behaviors does not need to be followed by more less-than-optimal choices . . .

In Buddhist traditions its called "shempa . . ." We get "hooked" . . . Like a fish seeing a juicy worm knowing full well it is connected to something it shouldn't go after . . . But not being able to resist anyway . . .

We often set ourselves up in situations that "push" the envelope in a somewhat unconscious-attempt toward resolution . . . Prompted also by the desire to reduce the pain we feel at the moment, we often make things "worse" before they get "better . . ."

". . . the beer would flow richly, she wouldn't let me go home, it was 4 in the morning and no sort of public transportation was available . . ." ". . . putting her in a position where she has no answers for what is 'asked' . . ." Now that the buzz has worn off, what does the above reveal to you??

No, you are not an instant failure at life . . . Unless of course you continue on the same path . . . Still, you would not be a failure, just someone taking the long way around this journey . . .

Many want to find a more direct route so they may not be travelling side-by-side with you . . .

Our actions always speak 10 times louder than our words . . . You said you wanted to protect her, but did your actions the other night convey that?? You said you hated the way her boyfriend treats her, but did you treat her any better?? You want her to be attracted to you, but did you act in an attractive way??

I have had dozens of friends crash at my place after a night of over indulgence . . . It is the responsible and loving thing to do . . . Many of them got sentimental, emotional and affectionate with me . . . I love them dearly . . . But they made it clear by their actions that they were not the ones for me . . .

I too, have received a litany of apologies filled with excuses . . . Really, a simple bouquet of flowers with a short note of apology and some space would have been much more appreciated . . .

And I never allowed any future circumstances that might end in them crashing at my place a second time . . .

I hate to be harsh but I think you had a lot to do with setting this up this way . . . What do you think??

What has happened in the last 48 hours??

What did her boyfriend think of all of this??

What steps are you taking to make sure you got the lesson on this one and do not have to repeat it???

I send good thoughts that this is just a blip on the radar and that no permanent damage was done to your friendship . . . Only a realignment of your core values . . . And a deeper appreciation of yourself, your own struggles, and the struggles of those around you . . .

Please keep me posted . . .

Blessings always, Earth Angel . . .


Daniel 7 years ago

Goodday Earth Angel,

I write not only to say again that i'm very thankfull for your messages, they realy give a good point of view to look from.

It's not only the thanks i want to share, but also the misery i'm currently in. Well it's not that horrible, but still... Something to point out since you gave me good advice.

We went out with some friends last night, and it got quite late and since the beer would flow richly, she (the girl this is all about) wouldn't let me go home, it was 4 in the morning and no sort of public transportation was available.

I hate myself for writing this, but since i was realy adding all the feelings i have for her in my head, and i feel sometimes so miserable that i drink to much. Indeed I was a little wee hazy but i was well aware what i was doing somehow, and realy, you gonna hate me now earth angel, when i was in her room, and i don't know how we ended up talking about it, but i suddenly threw everything out. It was somewhat emotional and awkward, because of all the things i could have said, i didn't want te let THIS out. She told me that she somewhat maybe saw it coming (still don't know what she means, my behavior or the fact that i fell for her).

In the morning she had to go work early, and i apologized for the fact that i've been a terrible friend, putting her in a position where she has no answers for what is 'asked'.

I haven't closed an eye last night, so i went home early to get some sleep, but in the train back it actualy came clear to me, that no matter what, i care so much about our friendship that i'm horrified when i think that we maybe never have the same social interaction together as before all this happened. I know this is awkward for both of us, mostly for her, and i feel so bad, i can't help it but im so scared that i lose her because of this.....

I'm trying to call her and tell her i was a stupid idiot and that cherish our friendship so much.....

Overfilled mind with emotional feelings + beer + more = instant fail at life.....

Thanks for listening Earth Angel...


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Earth Angel 7 years ago Author

Good Evening and Warm Wishes to you Daniel . . .

Thank you for your kind words . . . I am happy to be of service in any way I can . . . Things have been busy as usual so I apologize for the delay . . .

I think your insights are courageous . . . And your self-exploration authentic . . . I am always delighted when someone takes the time to really ponder and ask questions that don't always have immediate answers . . .

Never feel badly about being there for someone in distress . . . Love shoulders all hurt/pain/discomfort/tragedy . . . And if Love chooses you to be the physical shoulder someone cries on, you have been honored and blessed . . .

Have you ever heard the old saying, "Friends are what make marriages work!?" I didn't understand it for the longest time . . . Sometimes "inside a relationship" is messy and challenging and frustrating like nothing else . . . So we turn to our friends to "work it all out . . ."

Sometimes just by letting our hair down with a trusted friend and hearing ourselves talk at will/random, we learn/hear the part we ourselves play in the dynamic . . . Once we feel we have been heard, we feel relieved, and we can go back into the relationship with a refreshed perspective . . . .

I, too have idealized a relationship where my beloved is also the one I want to talk/share with the most . . . Yet, if you look around, that is hardly reality . . .

Most people, once beyond the initial infactuation stage, tend to talk to someone other than their beloved to wrestle with disappointments/shortcomings/fears/hopes . . . She may "want" her boyfriend to be the one who listens, but deep in her heart she may have no true "expectation" that he ever will . . .

" . . . bold and jealous and a social outsider . . ." who may not be treating her as well as some sounds to me like a "bad boy-type . . ." There is just something primitive/mythological about the bad boys . . . I've never been able to explain it; I just know it exists and women seem to love it . . . Extreme examples would be Jimmy Dean, P Diddy, Johnny Depp, John Mayer, etc. . . .

I do think you could probably give her much more in a relationship than she is currently receiving . . . But only she can determine in her heart of hearts what she wants/needs . . .

Sometimes those we love choose things that are not necessarily in their best interest . . . And it is painful to witness their choices . . . But we all learn the "Lesson" when we are ready . . .

You may be right; after two years she's just used to not being treated well . . . Do you know that if you put a frog in a pot of boiling water, it has enough sense/instinct/response to immediately jump out . . . BUT, if you put a frog in a pot of warm water and bring it to a boil, the frog will boil to death before it even knows what happened . . .

When circumstances change gradually over time, we are less likely to jump out . . . You might want to ask her, "If you knew in the beginning it would be like what it is today, would you still have gotten involved/jumped in . . . ??"

Still being protective . . .

A single small issue/problem doesn't seem worth throwing a whole relationship away over . . . Even a dozen small issues/problems over time doesn't seem so bad . . . A dozen small issues/problems in the beginning . . . A relationship like that would never have gotten off the ground . . .

Please let me know if any of the above makes sense . . . I feel when I am writing to one of you I am writing to all of you . . . Falling in love with a best friend is a bittersweet undertaking . . . Yet we all hope for perfect cookies . . .

Blessings to you always, Earth Angel . . .


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Earth Angel 7 years ago Author

Dearest Scarab . . .

Sorry for the delay . . . By now you must have had dinner and I am trusting it was delicious on many levels . . .

Sooooooooo glad that some of my suggestions are helpful . . .

In the theater of life, we can't often change the characters, but we can certainly change the set design . . ." S. Grace

I will look forward to learning of a wonderful new unfolding . . .

Blessings always, Earth Angel . . .


Scarab 7 years ago

Earth Angel, your "what if ...?" scenario about the car accident is excellent! In a circumstance like that none of these things would have any importance at all. Jealousy and sexual attraction wouldn't even be able to get a foot in the door. They would be complete non-issues.

Thank you for the care and attention you put into your responses. It's much appreciated and gives me lots to ponder.

She is making dinner for me tonight, so we'll see what happens.

Scarab


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Earth Angel 7 years ago Author

Dearest Scarab . . .

You are wise beyond what you give yourself credit for . . .

You mention several times that your beloved has been a bit quieter than normal on the subject of her new affections . . . Yes, you are probably correct that she sensed some resistance on your part . . . Be grateful that she is being sensitive to your feelings as well . . . And don't let your "imagination" run wild because all the details are missing . . .

People choose sexual partners for a million-zillion reasons . . . "Coping mechanism" is near the top of the list . . . Part of her hesitation as well may be that she knows deep in her heart this is a re-bound reaction and doesn't want to risk disapproval at a time she is so vulnerable . . .

I love your analogy of an old married couple sleeping in separate bedrooms because one snores too loudly . . . I actually have a best friend like that, I cherish him to pieces, we share everything, but I know for myself that anything romantic/sexual is not in the cards . . . Once he tried to push the issue, wouldn't take no for an answer, and I didn't speak to him for over 2 years . . . "No" is always a complete sentence . . .

"Never underestimate the changes you can make in yourself . . .

Never overestimate the changes you can make in another person . . ."

To ease your current pain, there is nothing you can really do about the other person involved . . . You can only do something about yourself, your thoughts and your perspective . . .

For myself, I find all my pain and suffering comes from "attachment . . ." Attachment to people, to my fur-family, to things, to ideas, to expectations, to dreams, to hopes . . .

I get an idea in my head and often have a hard time letting it go . . . And as intelligent as I might be, there is no way I can know 100% of what is truly going on . . . So often I find the thoughts/ideas I had came from limited information . . . So all the angst I caused myself was for naught . . .

If I were in your shoes, when the big green monster raises its ugly head, I would remind myself that I don't really have enough information to waste any amount of energy on . . .

I would also reaffirm over and over that the Universe only has love and grace in store for me . . . So if I am not feeling love and grace, it is my place to spend the energy getting back to connection with Source . . .

Another tool I use for easing the pain is to put the cause into a different and often wider perspective . . . If either one of you were in a serious car accident, and on life support, the world and your relationship would look much different . . .

Or on a more positive note, what if your lives are destined to add great awareness and understanding and openness to the world in the area of diversity?? When an individual relationship is seen in the context of a larger purpose, the daily grind/angst looks pretty insignificant . . .

Give that some thought and see if any of it reasonates within you . . .

I'm in meetings all day but will be back at the keyboard tomorrow morning . . .

All the best in blessings to you . . . Earth Angel . . .

P.S. Daniel, I haven't forgotten you . . .


Daniel 7 years ago

Blessings upon you Earth Angel,

First of all, thanks for the fast reply. I never heard such insightfull advice in a long time, it makes me realy happy that someone looks to it from a neutral perspective.

I may not have been completely clear about her boyfriend. I do know him, as i have been in the same class in highschool with him for 2 years. I know his personality and it's not all that awful, but he's kinda bold and jealous and somewhat an outsider on social level. That wouldn't matter to me if he was treating her the way he should be, but he isn't.

Maybe she doesn't care anymore how he should be 'cause they are together for 2 years now and she's used to it. This is just what i assume, it's logical, but i can't accept it....

I've tried to think of an answer for the question you had, and i think you completely understand me. I do realy love her, and i do feel something special for her. But i'm also aware, now that you made me see, that it might be protectiveness what's this all about.

How i would feel of her when i would be with someone else i simply can't tell because i have no answer to that, YET. My mind is just to full of her at this point. I try to keep 'low' and not interfere too much with her daily business.

For the question why I needed to fall for her at this time, i now have a solution. I used to see her maybe once or twice a week a year ago, but that changed: i see her far more often now. Maybe now i'm clear of what kinda girl she is, wich wasn't so for me in the first place.

Why i see her more often; she went through a rough time a couple of months ago (personal reasons), and i was (maybe stupid enough) to stand by her and comfort her (she cried in my arms more than once). I could understand why she was so emotional in my presence, since we're good friends, but when i asked if she ever talked about her problems and feelings to her boyfriend, she replyed to me: ow he just doesn't understand these things.

It became clear to me that all i want to do is give her so much more her boyfriend can't give her, because it makes her sad, i can see that in her eyes when she's gazing sadly after she talked about the things her boyfriend can't understand.

The thing is, i realy want her to be happy, and i still feel so much for her...Telling her would be the stupidest thing to do, since i don't want to lose her... Maybe it's just better to wait and see what time brings..


Scarab 7 years ago

Dear Earth Angel,

Thank you for the advice ... and the speediness of your reply! Your words were indeed of service to me as I have found in life that we are invariably standing too close to our own lives to get enough perspective on certain issues and having someone neutral give a description “from the balcony”, so to speak, is very useful in seeing some of the things that are just beyond our peripheral vision. My friend and I are usually each other’s sounding boards on these matters so I found myself at a loss when it wasn’t something I could bounce off of her.

You are absolutely correct about the snapshot version of life. I am responding to the pain and conflicted feelings of the immediate now despite knowing that this relationship of hers might not last. My friend’s romance is relatively new, perhaps only a month or so, and she has been fairly quiet about it, telling no one close to her until about a week or two ago. Is she madly in love? Infatuated? Just having some fun? I don’t know. She has said very little, and I’m sure she is being cautious because she’s had a number of bad relationships, but when she said they had started having sex, the green-eyed monster came roaring to the surface so quickly it obliterated everything else in sight until I managed to coax it back into its cave. There is also the possibility that she sensed something in me and for that reason has chosen to keep the news to a minimum so far. She has a psychic antenna the size of a radio tower and even if she didn’t know exactly what she was picking up from me, she may have sensed it was something related to the discussion and has kept things closer to her chest than she might normally. Or then again, the lack of a lot of discussion could be due to the fact that the relationship is still very fresh and I’m seeing and talking to her less because she is spending more time with this other person, as happens with most people when they meet someone new. This is all speculation of course, which means it’s worthless. Only time and communication will answer these questions.

You are also correct that I am completely aware that having an attraction for someone does not necessarily mean that attraction will be returned in kind. For me, our friendship is the most important thing and I know that it is equally important to her. Would I like the romance part included in it? Sure. But I also realize that may not be in the cards for us and if it isn’t than that’s okay too. We will both eventually find the one who is intended for us, if it turns out that it’s not each other. I would not wish to damage our existing relationship simply to add a physical component to it just for the heck of it. In some ways we are already a bit like an old married couple who love each other dearly but have separate bedrooms because they both snore loudly and their respective libidos have burned out with old age. What will be, will be. Time will tell.

So I suppose that leads back to the immediate dilemma of the pain. And the pain is made worse by the fact that I really want to be there for her to share her excitement about being in love (if she is, in fact, in love) because she deserves happiness and love, but as I said in my previous post, at the moment, it is too much for me to handle. And therein lies the rub ...

And yes, in my heart I already know what I have to do. But, as I said, I do appreciate your input. You have a wonderful insight into the nature of relationships and getting another’s point of view can help you see what you’re standing in front of. Thank you for that, and I’ll keep you posted on what develops.

Scarab


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Earth Angel 7 years ago Author

Love and Blessings to you this Sunday morning Daniel . . .

Why do we so often find ourselves in love with people who are already in relationships?? Why do we fall in love with people in less than perfect relationships?? Why do we feel so mute when it comes to sharing our feelings and concerns??

Is it competition?? Would we feel as strongly if that person were not with someone else?? Why have we fallen in love with someone we never before would have imagined?

I do think within each of us is the innate desire to help others . . . To protect and shelter someone from circumstances we find unacceptable . . . Part of love is to want to protect and hold safe that which we esteem . . . Part of love is to want to be protected . . .

Ask yourself, sincerely, Why her?? Why now?? What happened in me that lets me appreciate more about her than I had before?? Where is my urgency coming from?? What changed my perspective??

Did your perspective change as she told you stories of how she feels unappreciated by her current boyfriend? Does it make you feel she is all good and he is all bad?? Do you know him??

I'm not saying she isn't telling you the truth, she probably is from her perspective; there are always two sides to all stories . . . And many women learn early on that "needing help" is often much more attractive to a man than "genuine feminine strength . . . "

If her current boyfriend is not treating her kindly, then you need to ask yourself why she is staying . . . Is it really as bad as she says?? Is her self-esteem lacking in some way that she doesn't think she deserves better?? Is she just "bitching" to you as girlfriends do with each other?? Have they just been together so long that the "honeymoon" wore off long ago??

Some friends of mine bark at each other all the time . . . t makes my skin bristle . . . Yet they love each other dearly . . . It's just become their way of communicating . . . I couldn't do it but it works for them . . .

I have re-read your comment several times and I am sensing you have much more of a protective feeling toward her . . . Which can be as powerful, if not more powerful, than romantic love . . .

Ask yourself: "If I were in a committed relationship with the woman of my dreams at this moment, would I still feel the same for my friend?"

Let me know if I am correctly reading between the lines or way out in left field . . . ??

Again, I am deeply humbled by your sharing . . . I take your feelings seriously . . . I thank you for your openness . . .

Founder of the Angel Brigade, Earth Angel . . .


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Earth Angel 7 years ago Author

Dearest Scarab . . .

Thank you for sharing your heartache . . . So many of us find ourselves in similar circumstances . . . Painfully so . . .

Sometimes it is impossible to understand why love, and the timing of love, do not coincide more nicely . . . Often I think it can be a cruel joke the Wild Divine plays on us . . .

But I have learned better . . . The Universe moves TOWARD love always . . . It's just from our perspective it doesn't look like a straight line . . . (no pun intended . . .)

To be part of the flow toward love, we need to be the embodiment of love ourselves . . . To flow with the River, we need to get wet . . . To be part of the stars, we need to risk the flight . . .

It was a loving and compassionate decision to support your best friend in her getting out of an abusive relationship and being supportive in her time healing . . .

Just because she is already in another relationship does not mean she has healed from the last one . . . Could be quite the opposite . . . Break-ups can be soooooooooooo incredibly painful; I know very few people who have the internal strength do it on their own . . . I am constantly amazed by how quickly someone can become involved with someone else . . . No one wants to be the "rebound love . . . " because it usually doesn't last . . .

Having said that, it is okay to feel both pain and joy at the thought of your beloved being with someone else at the moment . . .

But that's what it is - at the "moment . . . " We tend to think of life as a "snapshot" instead of a full length feature film . . ." A few weeks/months from now, your relationship may have taken on new dimensions . . .

Love holds both pain and joy and doesn't really judge one as better than the other . . . We do . . .

Should you tell your beloved of your attraction to her?? As you can see in my response to Sia above, you already know in your heart of hearts the answer to that question . . .

If the answer you are looking for seems a bit unclear, spend some quiet time in Neutral Inquiry . . . Often times we "think" something is "unclear" because we really do not want to see the Truth as the Universe unfolds it . . .

You always have a right to your feelings . . . Always . . . It sounds like you understand that what you do not have a right to, is how someone else feels . . . It is nearly humanly impossible to share our feelings with a beloved without having the underlying hope of those feelings being returned . . .

No, you should not try to grin and bear it when she talks of her new relationship . . . It lacks authenticity . . .

Use a bit of imagination . . . Change the subject to something special that the two of you share . . . Pose a lighthearted humorous "what if . . . . " i.e. "What if you and I were to ever hook up??"

On a more serious note, there is nothing wrong with casually saying something to her like, "I love that your heart is finally enjoying life with someone special . . . I'm a bit surprised that I found myself wishing it were with me . . . Funny, huh??"

And then let her respond back to you in all honesty . . . If she is sensitive, she will tone down her stories of her new relationship without closing the door altogether . . .

Best friends often hurt each other unintentionally . . . She does not mean for her stories to cut you like a knife . . . What hurts is NOT her stories, it is what her stories mean to you . . . You have the power to change that by changing your perspective . . .

She may be like me; I place much more value on my friendships than who I am dating . . . Friendships take years to build . . . Dating can take place in an instant . . . I would be crushed if my best friend wanted to "reduce" or "limit" our relationship to romance . . . I know most people see it the other way . . .

Please let me know if any of the above was of any service to you . . . In the meantime, be the embodiment of love yourself . . . Please keep me posted . . .

Blessings from the River of Stars, Earth Angel . . .


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Earth Angel 7 years ago Author

Dearest Sia . . .

Thank you for sharing your new thoughts and direction regarding the love of your life . . . Out with the "games" and in with the "genuine beautiful insightful YOU . . . "

I feel blessed that you chose me to share your feelings with . . . I honor your feelings and know how consumming they can become without an outlet . . . I trust you are surrounded by many friends/confidants and that you don't feel mute in this growing process . . .

In psychology it is known as the "talking cure" but works just as well for most of us in "writing . . ." That is why journaling, keeping a diary and sharing on the Internet can be so powerful . . . The release can be very theraputic if we take it to heart . . . I am pleased to be of service in any small way in your transformation and increased awareness . . .

"When you become a better person . . . The world becomes a better place . . ." S. Grace

One of the BEST Life Skills I teach is "Neutral Inquiry . . ." It seems to be a lost art, first made famous by Socrates, and saves my soul on a daily basis . . .

"Question, question, question . . ." Then question your questions . . . Then question their questions . . . There are a long list of reasons, physical/brain/emotions/chemistry/conditioning that we move from "learning" into "teaching" without much notice or wisdom . . . The goal is to remain a student of life always questioning, refining and growing . . .

"Why do I love this person?"

"Why do I love this person at this time?"

"What is love??"

"How many different kinds of love can I name?"

"Does love ever have a dark side?"

"If love has certain 'qualities' is it still love if some of them are missing?"

"How much of my definition of love is influenced by my parents, school, neighborhood, religion and country?"

The reason it's called "neutral inquiry" is that the answers that come to us are not to be judged as good, bad or indifferent . . . The answers come as Truth if we allow it and don't try to influence the process . . .

The world of wisdom is within each and every one of us . . . We have access to the answers at all times . . . IF we allow the process to take its natural course . . . Unfortunately, we get soooooooooooo caught up in "fitting in" that layers upon layers of conditioning fog the mirror a bit . . .

I am delighted to hear your mirror is defogging one insight at a time . . . You are on the right path . . . I hope you take some quiet time today for yourself to write out some of your questions, and your answers . . . It's sometimes hard at first, but it is well worth the effort . . . Like any skill, it gets better with practice . . .

And you will be a much more attractive/grounded/inspiring/trusted person come Monday . . .

You are in my thoughts and prayers . . . Yes, I am always here for you . . .

In love and light . . . Earth Angel . . .


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Earth Angel 7 years ago Author

Dearest Sia, Daniel and Scarab . . .

I am honored by your confidence in my words . . . I am touched by the depth of feelings you have for your beloved's . . . I am working on individual responses for each of you this morning . . .

Stay tuned . . . In the meantime, know you are loved right back . . .

Blessings always, Earth Angel . . .


Sia 7 years ago

Hi Earth Angel....

Thanks for your guidance. You don't know how great it is to finally share my feelings with Someone. They have crept inside me for so long now.

Hope you'll be there for me always. And yes I guess now I have made one decision attest. No More Anonymous mails!! Really !! He isn't a mind reader. For now I'm gonna cherish my friendship and wait for signs.

Thanks a ton.... Will Keep you updated and will keep asking what to do next in case my luck just starts working out!!!!!!!!! THANKS AGAIN!!!


Daniel 7 years ago

Hi Earth Angel,

I just happend to stumble across your topic and discussion not completely random since i'm going through pretty much the same alot of people here gone through: I've fallen in love with my best friend, who's a girl.....

Let me tell you about how this happened, 'cause i never would have thought i would ever fall in love with her of all the people i know by now....

I know her for quite some time now, i guess something like 4 years. First at highschool and still now in college, we doing both the same field of study. I was always the guy who used to fall in love with the girls who were no where close to get in touch with. I dated a few, but i never would get that special feeling what we all are looking for in someone when it comes to love: the feeling that no matter what, you see the other person, you just get lifted and feel incredible strong and indestructable and you can only be happy to be beside them.

Since we're in the same college i often stay at her place, sleep there when there's a party or such or just hang out for fun. And maybe, like 1,5 month ago it struck me. I don't know how it struck, like lightning from the sky at a tree in the open: I couldn't get her out of my mind and truely was feeling more than just friendship for her.

I never thought it could be someone like her, because i find her sometimes kinda strange, but now, it makes me love her soo much more.

This all sounds like a classic case of a hollywood love story, but there's another part i should mention wich makes it all soo much more complicated.

She Has a relationship with a guy i know from Highschool. They are together for about 2 years now. I wouldn't mind at all, since i never could fall in love with her, but maybe, and this is just something that goes trough my mind, i fell in love with her, because her boyfriend is realy a big D#ck (sorry for my language) When she tells me what she does to make him feel happy and like do sweet things, i first was amazed how lovely she can be, but when she now sometimes tells me how lazy and not caring he can be, i just feel it 'burn'.

When i look at her, i see this girl who can give soo much love and warmth, it's just so amazing. And then, when I hear what kinda guy her boyfriend is, I just loose 'it', i go crazy and i just want to tell her what i feel.

I suppressed my feelings for some time now, simply because she means so much to me, i don't want to lose her in any kind of way. But when i stayed at her place a few days ago, i was so eager to let it all out. We we're walking back from a drink at a bar and she was cold so i was holding her close, wich she seemed to like. I realy felt like telling her, but didn't because i am afraid of the consequences.

This whole thing goes through my mind several times, and i realy am lost in what i should do. I tell myself, to wait and see where her relationship ends and that time will tell, but on the other side i just feel so much for her, i just could run to her this minute and hold her and tell her (yes its actualy that bad, since i live like 20 miles away from her, i would simply do anything crazy for her)

So my question is; what would be the best thing to do now?

Im lost with my mind full of love ....

All the love and many thanks to you Earth Angel,

Daniel

Note: it's realy almost impossible to describe what i feel for her, when i see her, when i look at her.... Love truely is something amazing.....


Scarab 7 years ago

I met my best friend 2 years ago. At the time she was in a relationship with a man - a terrible, emotionally abusive relationship. In the spring of this year she reached the point of being able to leave him and is much happier and healthier now. We have a very close, loving friendship and during the course of these last two years I realized that I was also attracted to her. I care very much about her happiness and felt that mentioning my attraction to her after she had just left a nightmare relationship was inappropriate as I felt she needed time to heal at her own pace. (I should mention that she is also bi-sexual, so it's not as if I'm attracted to someone who is completely unattainable). Because I tend to be more than a little dense when it comes to picking up on flirting, I have no idea if she shares this attraction or not. However, I was thrown for a loop when she told me that she had started dating again already ... and it was with a woman. The pain I felt inside was tremendous and the jealous feelings were, as I'm sure you know, most unpleasant. After going over it in my head for a couple days I managed to calm myself down. I value our friendship more than anything and I honestly want her to be happy, and if that means being with this woman or someone else entirely, so be it. The problem lies in that when she talks about the time she spends with this woman, it's like a knife slicing into me. I know that I'll adjust given time, but at the moment it's really raw for me and my natural inclination is to pull away and/or change the subject which I fear may lead to problems in our relationship as she will undoubtedly sense that something is up. Another close friend who I shared my dilemma with said she felt that I needed to tell my friend my feelings while making it clear that I didn't expect her to fix anything or change the situation, but just to let her know my feelings and that I need a little time to get used to her new relationship. Another viewpoint would be appreciated as I find myself wondering if I should keep my mouth shut and try desperately to smile and nod like a good friend when she wants to talk about her new relationship, in hopes my discomfort will ease quickly or be completely honest with her while letting her know that I'm not looking for her to ditch the new woman to be with me, as my other friend suggests. Help!


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Earth Angel 7 years ago Author

Hello Again Precious Sia . . .

If you are concerned that wanting to take your friendship to a more romantic level might interfere with an already lovely friendship, trust your intuition . . .

No, it doesn't matter how many clues you have given him, no one is a mind reader . . . Lack of straight forward, honest, clear communication is the number one complaint in most relationships . . .

On the flip side, has he been giving you clues that you may be missing?? Is his comfort level growing with you because 1) he is really into you as well, or 2) he can trust you because he knows you would never go there??

Relationships of all kinds deserve our highest level of honesty . . . Any kind of game-playing can catch someone's attention . . . But it only lasts a short time . . .

Does he want to talk with you on Monday because he truly values your opinion and who you are as a person . . . Or because he is intrigued by all the compliments you pay him (we all thrive on the high esteem of others) . . . Or is he curious about this mystery girl he thinks you hold the key to??

Without the mystery emails, the compliments, the clues, always being there to take his calls, etc. would you have the same connection??

I cannot give you a definitive solution for your dilemma . . . I can tell you that if I discovered a friend of mine doing just one of the things you mentioned above, I would sadly have to end the relationship - permanently . . . Integrity and transparency are sooooooooooooooooooo important to me . . .

It's not the "finding out" that causes the problem . . . It's the "behavior(s) that are secret" that cause the problem . . .

Those behaviors are already done . . . And yes, he will find out about them . . . So, you may have already ended the friendship, defacto, depending upon his sensitivities and understanding. . .

In many of my above comments to other young Hubbers, I make it clear that some imagination, patience and ingenuity is all it takes to get an inclination if someone has feelings in return . . .

If, in light conversation you happen to gently touch his hand or shoulder and he returns the affection, that is a good sign . . . If he slightly stiffens or makes an excuse to turn away, less good . . . Give it a week and try again . . . If the same thing happens, he is being clear . . . Just friends . . .

Recently I was having juice (no alcohol) with a man I have long admired . . . I was hoping to get to know him better as a friend . . . I thought maybe in time we might even be more . . .

Out of the blue he slipped himself between me and the chair I was about to sit in causing me to almost fall into his lap . . .

The look on his face was no longer one of friendship, but of expectation . . . He thought it perfectly natural that we would be friends, then lovers, then after a while maybe even date and later become a couple . . . in that order . . .

My order of how things would progress in a relationship is a bit different than his . . . Neither is correct . . . And I really, really liked this guy . . . But he didn't take my sensibilities into account for a second . . . Only what he wanted . . .

Needless to say, we won't be sharing a juice any time soon . . .

Don't be the person who plays games, hides secrets and has a hidden agenda . . . Be the person who stands tall, can be fully trusted, is who people turn to for sound advice, rises above the teenage angst, is known for being one who has a lot to offer in the way of character and is admired and loved for your precious transparent self . . .

Keep me posted . . . I know you will do the right and perfect thing at the right and perfect time . . .

Hugs and Kisses and Blessings Always, Earth Angel . . .


Sia 7 years ago

Thanks for your reply earth angel...

But I'm still in dilemma...

I completely agree when you say "You have the advantage of knowing who you are emailing . . . You have taken that equality away from the person you say you love.. "

But don't you think it would be easier if he just guessed who I was..I mean I gave him plenty of clues..

Where on one hand I know I want to be more than friends with him...on the other hand just that friendship that is at stake makes me think again and again..

I'd like to share one more thing that happened just today.. I was teasing him about a girl he had a crush on ages ago.. and was telling him that he should ask her out...then he was like why would any girl agree to him... And I was giving examples of girls that would do anything to be with him.. But unfortunately we had to leave and for the first time about anything he said that we'll continue this discussion on monday...

I was thinking if I have to tell him I can drop a hint or whatever.. But should I??

please help!!


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Earth Angel 7 years ago Author

Blessings to you Sia . . .

Thank you for sharing your joy and heartache at falling in love with one of your best friends . . . Appreciate your friendship as that deep connection with another human being often escapes the entire lifetime of others . . .

You pose interesting questions . . . Not only at age 16 but for all ages . . . 26, 36, 46, 56, 66, 76, 86, 96, 106 and beyond . . . We love and we want to be loved . . . That longing never ends . . . For me, I believe our deepest longings disguise themselves as a need to be reconnected with our Divine Source . . .

Do those things matter?? First, you need to ask yourself if they matter to you? We all have belief systems, social systems, expectations, and hopes . . . Many of our belief systems come from our "conditioning . . . "

We have been "conditioned" by our parents, our religion and to a large extent, the media . . . Not all conditioning is bad . . . Good manners, a sense of fairness, open mindedness, honor, empathy are all learned conditioning . . .

A sense of integrity, honesty, openness in one's character and discipline about the truth is good conditioning . . . Yet we give Oscar's to those who are the best at being the person they are not . . .

The Internet, as well, allows all of us to take on personality traits we may wish we had, but without doing to work it takes to get there . . . Communication is very real and sacred and equal . . . You have the advantage of knowing who you are emailing . . . You have taken that equality away from the person you say you love . . .

A sense of pride in one's appearance and attention to health is good conditioning . . . The media's portrayal of beauty only coming in a size 2 body is not . . . Most importantly is your own personal sense of well-being, happiness, and contentment with your size . . .

A sense of family and meaningful tradition is good conditioning . . . Empty ritual, inequality, blind following, dysfunction is not . . . What is important is your own personal sense of spirituality, connection with the Divine, respect for your tribe and an awareness of belonging within your family. . .

I am in the habit of asking myself always, no matter what the circumstances, "how would I feel if the situation were reveresed . . . ??" If I would be hurt by the same actions in reverse, I change my course of action . . .

As you can see by many of my comments above, I have been quite hurt and upset by various "friends" deciding they wanted to turn our frienship into something more romantic . . . My experience is that any and all friendships that are going to turn into romances do so organically . . . NOT because I/they have manipulated or hurried any desires for more . . .

Again, connecting with another person creates a really special and sacred bond . . . By honoring where your relationship is at the moment, you leave the door open for more . . . Pushing for more before the other is ready generally slams that same door shut . . .

I hope the above helps in some small way . . . Keep me posted . . . I would love to hear all is well . . .

Blessings always, Earth Angel . . .


Sia 7 years ago

Hi Earth Angel...

OK I'm in BIG problem!! I'm 16 and as it comes to be I'm in love with my best friend. Actually I've had a crush on him since almost 2 years now..But we became gr8 friends just recently. I enjoy his company a whole lot..He calls me almost everyday after school to talk about homework or something but we end up talking about such a whole lot of things and I mean i've found this great friend in him.. Ok before this whole friend scene started off, I sent him anonymous emails telling him that someone is in love with him...I told him we knew each other...And I chatted with that id a few times...I gave him some hints too but he hasn't been able to guess its me...

The thing is I really don't know whether to tell him that I am that very same person..But then really I don't wanna lose him as a friend.

Another problem lies in the fact that I belong to an orthodox family and it is pretty much against dating..and also that I am obese and my friend with whom I'm irrevocably in love and I don't make a pair 'good to look at'.

BUT DO ALL THESE THINGS MATTER WHEN I LOVE HIM???

HELP!!! Please suggest what should I do??


RickyC 7 years ago

Hi Earth Angel, Thanks for your kind words. I know what you're saying with regards to her relationship. But I have never went down the route of 'What are you doing with him?, or putting the guy down. I've met him twice, and he seems like an alright guy. And above everything, he's her choice of person to be with, and that's not my business. Some people will do whatever they can to get someone including trying to destroy their relationship by turning the person against their current partner, by giving them all that 'I can give you more than he/she can' line. Not me. She won't have any doubts about her current relationship, just because I've told her my feelings for her. He's a far better looking guy than me. I don't say that because she's shallow, and only goes for someone with good looks. It's me. I'm not very confident about how I look. He's not drop dead gorgeous either, but she loves him for him, and that's all that matters, and again that's not my business, and nor will it ever be. I respect that he is her partner, and that is her choice, and that's not his fault. When you love someone who's in a relationship, it is very easy to resent the B/F or G/F, even when you don't know them. Sorry, not my approach. I have too much self-respect for myself in that area, and all that ever comes from doing that is the person you love looks at you in a different light. These are all indicators that that person (me) may do the same when they get with the person who's the focus of their affections. There's no crime in loving someone elses partner, as long as you can keep it under control. I only set out to tell her my feelings, and stay close friends. Not to move the friendship up to any other level. So because my expectation weren't for her to say ' Yes I should be with you, and we should run away together' I have actually got what I wanted. Me to tell her how I feel, and her to be ok with it. Perfect!! My love is yours. XX


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Earth Angel 7 years ago Author

Dearest RickyC,

Thank you sooooooooooooooooo much for sharing your lovely and loving story . . . Love has many faces, many facets, many dimensions . . . Your maturity as a loving soul shines through bright and clear . . .

Love is not selfish, nor demanding, nor possessive . . . Love is the celebration of Life and all its beautiful manifestations in others, in nature and in ourselves . . . Yes, she may be beautiful both inside and out . . . Remember, so are you . . .

You followed your heart and your feelings were received well . . . You thought it through, eliminated expectations and handled it with much wisdom . . . I'm glad it turned out so lovingly . . .

Now your heart does not need to be so heavy . . . And there is no need to leave this world any too soon . . .

I ask you to give one more dimension some thought . . . The presence of her current 8 month relationship . . .

When two people let others around them know they are a "couple" they are in essence establishing certain social/ethical boundaries . . .

These boundaries are rather fluid and mean different things to different people . . . More often than not, it means some exclusitivity involved between the two . . .

As we mature, we decide for ourselves where we will set and honor those boundaries . . . She is in a relationship, but your deep feelings motivated you to share your love for her . . . But there are three of you to consider . . .

If the situation were reversed, i.e. she was in a relationship with you, and another person other than yourself shared such intimate feelings with her, how would you feel?? And if she called to check on them to see if they were okay?

Use this situation as a profound Life-Lesson in empathy and compassion . . . With yourself . . . And with the other two . . .

Whatever you sincerely decide would be appropriate boundaries for your own comfort level within your own couple relationship, grant those to others as well . . .

It sounds like you have much to give, to share, to explore and to write . . . Thank you for your wisdom and your insight . . .

Blessings always, Earth Angel . . .


RickyC 7 years ago

I have just told someone who has been my friend for only a few months that I love her. It was the hardest thing, but because of how much I love her, when it came down to it, the easiest thing to do. She is actually in an 8-month relationship with someone, but I told her the reason I had to tell her wasn’t to get anything back from her in that way, but just for the simple fact that I couldn’t carry it around anymore.I needed to cut my heart open and let it bleed a bit so that it wasn’t as heavy. As difficult as it is, I think you can love someone, and not be loved in return. I just wanted to tell her that no matter what happens in her life, I would always be there unconditionally. I have never been so close to someone without being in a relationship. She is kind, thoughtful caring, loving and all those other words to describe a persons inner beauty. No infatuation or lust here, I love the very bones of the woman. I did tell her however that even though I don’t care about a physical relationship, there is times I look at her,(like every time) and I just want to hold her, and feel her close to me. Equally, I told her that if she was uncomfortable with this, and as hard as it would be, I would disappear from her life as quickly as I appeared in it. I told her you shouldn’t cry because something is over, you must be happy that it happened. Easier said than done I know. Especially since I had just told her how I couldn’t imagine my life without her in it, in some way. Anyway, she said nothing would change, and we would always have the same closeness that we have, and I really am happy with that. No REALLY!! She could have got all weird and funny, and ran away at top speed in the opposite direction. She didn’t. Making my love for the woman even greater. How ironic. Anyway, I told her that I couldn’t leave this world without telling her how I felt, and she thanked me for being so truthful. She called me last night to see how I was, and we spent an hour chatting on the phone. Everyone in the world should meet this person, She enriches lives, but has no self-awareness of how good she is. People like her don’t come along very often in life, so you need to hold onto them with both hands, and never let them go. She is beautiful in my eyes, but I love her, more importantly, for what’s in her heart. I take great peace in the knowledge, that now when I look at her lovely face, it’s the face of a woman who now knows how I feel. I don’t need to tell her again. My advice, take the risk, and tell them how you feel. I surprised even my own self. Much love to you all. X


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Earth Angel 7 years ago Author

You are more than welcome Eric!!

It sounds to me like you guys need to open up your communication a bit more!! And explore what kinds of words/actions hold what meaning to each of you!! Not to change the other, just to better understand each other!!

I was raised in San Francisco in the 1960's! I am just a few years too young for the hippies but would have been one had a been born a bit earlier!! The reason I mention this is because my "comfort zone" for being affectionate is much more touchy feely than someone who may have been born in a strict midwestern catholic home!!??

The difference, however, is that I am clear in being "friendly" vs. being "flirty!!" I did not always know how to show this difference clearly!! What I thought was clearly friends being friends, was often misinterpreted as me being a "tease," a "flirt," and worse, a "ball buster!!" This was never my intent and I was always shocked and disappointed in other people's reactions to my sincere friendliness!! Years later in hindsight, I can see the part I unwittingly played!!

To me, being friendly means being affectionate with NO sexual undertones!! I hold hands with my men friends, but I hold hands with my women friends as well!! I define being friendly as any behavior that I would do openly with any of my female or male friends - in a group or privately!! I can be friendly with my girlfriend's husbands because there is zero sexual/romantic flavor involved!!

Flirting, to me, DOES have sexual under/overtones!! It's teasing, provocative and in my world, would be reserved for one special person!! If I were to flirt with my girlfriend's husbands, it would be the last time I am invited back to their place!! And rightly so!!

In my youth, I didn't recognize how powerful flirting can be!! Both in a good and a destructive way!! I, inside my head/heart knew what my intentions were!! But the other person wasn't a mind reader!! Often my "friendliness" was taken for an invitation - and it wasn't!!

Maybe she is just learning how to be herself and right now that self includes being a tease!! I doubt if it comes from malice!! We all want attention - sounds like a good way to get it!!

Especially in a world that doesn't appreciate women as much as men!! My mother's generation made flirting, teasing and sexual tension into an art form! They really felt men had all the power/money and they had the beauty/body!! Those stereotypes persit to this day!! It was the only way women knew how to level the playing field!! (Sadly!!)

I think you know the answer to your questions already!!?? You want a relationship and she wants a friendship!! Being roommates is NOT a good idea under this scenario!!

My advice would be for you to remain best friends with this one girl/woman AND to ask other girls/women out!! Not for sex, for a date!! You will find things you like about other girls/women as well!! And who knows, your best friend may realize she has a real catch in you!! And she better not let it get away!!

Be open!! Be honest!! Keep me posted!!

Blessings always, Earth Angel!!


Eric 7 years ago

No i do not hook up with other girls. And it is very intimate touching and when she kisses me it is as close to makeing out as you can get without doing it if that makes any sense. She is sort of a tease though which is makeing it even harder to figure out what she wants. If we moved in it would more than likely be just as roomates and 2 bedrooms although she has hinted as it being more than that. I would be agitated if she brought her ex over because i dont wanna see it or hear about it but i want her to be happy. Thank you for takeing the time to respond and helping me answer some questions.


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Earth Angel 7 years ago Author

Hello and blessings to you Eric!!

Thank you for sharing your conflicting feelings!! We should always remember that we have a right to our feelings!! What we don't have a right to is someone else's feelings!! She may share your feelings, she may not!!

Love is precious and fragile!! Love is also open and honest!! I'm not sure it's "balls" that are needed to tell her how you feel!! Communication is hard sometimes - it can be a mine-field of one step forward, two steps back!! But love deserves the effort when appropriate!!

Love is scary sometimes!! Sounds to me like she is a bit more of a free spirit and you are a bit more conservative!! Do you "hook-up" with other girls/women like she does with her ex's??

Her being "touchy feely" may be a sign she is really into you!! That she was by your side during tragedy is also a good sign!! On the flip side, I am touchy feely and there for my friends in times of need, but have zero romantic interest in them!! I love them dearly!! But not like that!!

Getting an apartment together may or may not be a good idea depending upon each of your expectations!!?? Would you have separate rooms and be like roommates?? Would you live together like a couple?? Would you be monogomous?? If you were roommates, how would you feel when she brought her ex's back for a hook-up??

Why don't you open the conversation with asking her about what she is looking for in a man/boyfriend!!?? This isn't meant to be a heavy question, and maybe you just touch on it lightly during several conversations over a few days/weeks!!?? Or ask her what movie star would best represent her ideal guy and why?? Be prepared to answer all questions in reverse as well!! (What movie star best represents your ideal gal!!??)

I have a dear friend right now who insists he wants to live together as roommates only!! It would be marvelous as we have such a good time together!! EXCEPT when he thinks we are going to cross boundaries into something romantic!! He is not being honest with me nor himself!! Nothing will end a friendship/relationship quicker than not being honest!!

As I have mentioned in my comments above, love is not an all or nothing thing!! And it takes A LOT of imagination to approach subjects that find us tongue-tied so often!!

I hope this helps a bit!! I am always here as a sounding board!! I will keep the warmest thoughts that she feels the same way you do!! Keep me posted!!

Blessings always, Earth Angel!!


Eric 7 years ago

Im in love with my best freind and i dont know how to tell her or find out if she feels the same way about me. Ive been. Freinds with her for almost 4 years and loved her since the day i met her. She was there for me and spent 2 days at the hospital with me when my dad died, she didnt leave my side for a second and if not for her im not sure if i would have made it through that. Recently she has gotten alot more "touchy feely" with me and has suggested that we hook up but i tell her i dont wanna do anything that would ruin our freindship. She kisses me all the time and tells me im perfect but she still will leave me forr a few hours to go hook up with her exboyfreinds. Sometimes it seems like she feels the same way about me and others its like she definatly only wants to be freinds (usually after a trip to the ex's). And on top of it all she wants to get an apartment together. I dont know wat to do because i dont want to risk loseing her but its eating me up inside especially wen she goes on one of her "trips". Ive been thinking about just telling her i dont wanna hang out with her anymore and trying to get her out of my life but i dont think i could live without her in my life she is all i think about. I dont think i have the balls to tell her to her face How i feel either. Please please help


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Earth Angel 7 years ago Author

Blessings to you dearest Sean . . .

I see a few other comments have been posted here but I hadn't been notified . . . My apologies as I will try and respond later to the others . . .

In the meantime, here's to Sean . . .

Love is not an all or nothing proposition . . . Actually, true love is not a feeling at all - it is a process . . .

I think some of the purest love ever is when we are young . . . Youth is not jaded . . . Youth sees things through fresh eyes . . . Youth honors the specialness in others much more readily . . . Youth has its own time line and sense of urgency . . . Youth has unlimited imagination . . .

The only thing youth often lacks is a bit of experience . . . Again, your wonderful relationship does not need to be an all or nothing union at this very moment . . .

Testing the waters in ways that both parties are comfortable with seems an appropriate way to go . . . Putting one foot in, instead of taking the big full body dive, shows more maturity . . .

Instead of professing your love for this girl, what about trying to casually hold her hand?? If she pulls away, she probably just wants to be friends . . . And that may not mean only friends forever - just for now . . . If she readily holds your hand and leans into you . . . that is a good sign . . .

Next would be a gentle arm around her shoulder . . . Use your imagination . . . Always respect her boundaries (as she should respect yours) . . . "No" is a complete sentence . . . "No" always means no . . .

Having recommended hand holding I realize I may sound ancient and that the two of you may be way beyond that point already . . . Relationships are a "one step at a time" kind of unfolding . . . Where ever you BOTH are in BOTH your comfort zones, gently try one more step forward . . . Be honest about her reaction . . . If it is positive, GREAT!! If not, back off . . .

As you may have seen in several of my comments above, I am often crushed when a man-friend decides he wants to take our friendship to the next level . . . I am a very clear communicator . . . And I cherish my friendships - I count on my male friends to be there for me (as I am for them) . . . But if the man has other ideas, the relationship ends . . . It's excruciating for us both . . .

Remember also that your needs/wants may or may not match her needs/wants . . . Accurately assess your own needs/wants first . . . And then hers . . . Would your deeper relationship be beneficial to you BOTH??

Again, look at this situation with open eyes and imagination . . . Take it one step at a time . . . Give her room to let you know more intimacy is invited . . . And do not take it personally if right now it's not . . .

Keep me posted, please . . . I send you all my best thoughts for a wonderful outcome . . .

Blessings always, Earth Angel . . .


Sean 7 years ago

Okay, so I'm in real need of advice here... There's this girl whom I've been friends with for a year now. We met during the third week of our senior year, when she transferred to one of my classes and ended up getting a seat next to me. She had a boyfriend when I met her, but it wasn't until March her boyfriend dumped her. She found out later on her ex had already cheated on her 3 times. I pretty much comforted her for a couple of days until she finally got over him. It's weird though cause at first, I never thought of seeing her as someone I would fall head over heels with, but later on when we got to know each other well and the night I went to prom with her, I never felt this way for any girl I've ever met! So ever since prom, we've hung out at the mall, saw movies together, and have alot in common with each other. But not once I've tried to get up the courage to tell her how I really feel about her because I fear that it might end in the worse way possible. I feel that if I don't tell her soon, I just might regret it for the rest of my life. Should I really tell her how I feel or cherish the friendship we have already?


Requited 7 years ago

Hi Earth Angel,

I've been in love with my best friend (also female) for many years. And she didn't know about this until recently. We developed a deep friendship and bonds of trust in a very slow and natural way. I, of course, believed the situation impossible and so accepted that we would just be great friends.

I'm not sure what happened in the last year, other than things began slowly to change. I think I sensed more openness and trust. Just in very small ways. Like a casual touch from someone who does not touch others. And I felt my my feelings deepen. In any case, it was still very hard to say anything and even this was a process of months. I gradually disclosed a lot of my personal feelings about relationships and also details about previous relationships, never yet discussed. Basically, I risked everything and trusted that she would not cause me hurt. I needed to be able to speak to her openly of anything. She learned more of me in those two months than in many years. And she also revealed much. And that she had never been so close to anyone before and that was scary.

In any case, we are both very happy together now and this added new dimension to our relationship has been the most wonderful thing to ever happen. To be with your best friend is quite possibly the best and most natural thing in the world. But it was indeed a process and probably will continue to be one for as long has we have one another. But I have no doubt that, in spite of "love at first sight", to truly bond with someone, you need to have a very deep friendship. And these two things are not mutually exclusive.


christina 7 years ago

dear earth angel,

looking on this webpage ive seen how amazing you are at helpiing various people with different relationship problems and so i hope you could help me.

i am in a bit of a dilemma, i am also like many in love with my best friedns;who is a boy.

we have a awkward past and its a bit of a long story. but ill tell you the basis. well around this time last year i realised i was flaling in love with him but i know i could never tell him so i confided in his friedn to see if he had any inside information. when he went on holiday he was away for around a month and during that time we kept in firm contact on the phone,texts,im and email etc. his firend told me that my best friend couldnt stop thinking about me and loved me like i loved him. so obviously i was overjoyed,but alas when he returned nothing happened he never told me. so i was evidently heartbroken.still to this day we are as close as ever and have even discussed the past goings on. he said not asking me out was the biggest regret of his life, and still i love him more than ever. through everything i have even still advised him when he liked a girl i have stil tried to help even though deep down i am infatuated by him,but its because i just want him to be happy.i would love to have some of your advice

i just feel so stuck and i know if i dont tell him i will live with the regret forever...

thanks christina x


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Earth Angel 7 years ago Author

Thank you cashmere . . .

I agree with you . . . Sharing is a great way to bond . . . That is, of course, assuming both people want to bond in the same way . . .

Bonding is another word for getting closer . . . But what if one side of the equation thinks getting closer is not the right step for them?? . . . Often that can lead to one person not respecting the boundaries of another . . .

How we "feel" does not always need to be shared nor acted upon . . . "Feelings" are the result of thoughts . . . We are 100% responsible for our thoughts and feelings . . . And for keeping them in check . . . I know many, many men who would love to "bond" with me . . . But their pursuit of my affections crosses my boundaries . . .

It takes much thought, processing, awareness and full responsibility to approach another with the love, compassion and respect needed to test uncharted emotional waters . . .

And to realize that "no" is a complete sentence . . .

Thank you for your comment . . .

I send you warmest blessings always . . . Earth Angel . . .


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cashmere 7 years ago from India

I have never been in love with a close friend in a sexual way so never faced this problem. I always feel that sharing how you feel with others is a great way to bond.


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Earth Angel 7 years ago Author

Dearest Spinky . . .

I have been out of town for a few days . . . My apologies for not responding to you sooner . . . Thank you for sharing your heart's dilemma . . .

I am sorry that differing cultures are somewhat coming between you and your beloved . . . I am happy that you are able to talk and share and laugh and cry with each other . . . That is much more than many couples have even under the best of circumstances . . .

Often the things we love about a person are the very things that keep us apart . . . Honoring one's family . . . Keeping promises made years earlier . . . Respecting our elders . . . Keeping traditions alive . . . Your sumation is very mature and loving at the same time . . . She is lucky to have you as her friend . . .

You are correct not to push her, or anyone, in a direction where they are less than comfortable . . . It never works . . .

Do you think/feel things may have evolved in your favor since you last spoke casually last summer?? Might you approach the subject again, just as casually??

If not, keep in mind that in another lifetime, in other circumstances, you may be her first choice . . . But her knowing how her family feels may have limited her feelings before they ever took root . . .

I wish I could point to a better example of a system for matrimony . . . As you know, in the U.S. the divorce rate is over 60% . . . My understanding is that the rate is much lower, and the happiness much higher, in arranged marriages??

I, myself, cannot imagine participating in an arranged marriage and yet the statistics are overwhelming in their favor . . .

If you are the bright, sensitive, industrious person with integrity and pure intentions, like you seem in your comments above, would not her family open their minds to you being their choice for her?? Is there a way you could get to know her family better and impress them with your character??

That may be naivete on my part . . . I still have elderly family members in the deep South that hold tight to their prejudices . . . They would never be able to understand the profound loving dynamics between me and my culturally diverse friends . . .

"Attachment is at the root of all suffering . . . "

Again, celebrate the connections that you do have together . . . Friendship is sound soil for growing more love . . . Respect is like the water . . . compassion is like the sunshine . . . A little sprinkling of destiny never hurt . . .

Please let me know if I may be of service in any way . . .

Blessings always, Earth Angel . . .


spinky 7 years ago

Dear Earth Angel,

I like a girl who I can't be with.

We were friends for years but after last summer, we became even closer friends. In the fall, she went away, to her family's old country. I thought I wasn't going to hear from her again. I thought she would have gotten an arranged marriage--but she didn't. Actually, when she was gone, she even called a few times. It surprised me. I was happy to hear from her. Months later, she returned home but now I am away doing work, for at least a month more. She came back about a month ago and we can hardly go a day without talking to each other on the phone--for hours on end, most times, either until one of us has to go do something or one of us falls asleep. I feel like we know each other more than we should. We talk about everytyhing, and we used to go everywhere when we were geographically together. We laugh and cry about things in our lives and we really have grown a bond unlike any other.

I hate being away now. I miss her.

I wish I could be with her for life, but I know her family would not accept me. Although we are both of the same indian race and religion, our families are from different countries--and hers especially only keep to themselves. Before last summer, I beat-around-the-bush to get her thoughts on a couple like us being together, and she made it clear it wasn't a good idea--because of how her family would react. Sometimes I think if she were willing to be with me, she would break the chains of her family's tradition and find a way. But she places family values ahead of everything in her life--that is something I admire most about her. And although it works against me, I will never push her to do anything she does not feel comfortable with because I really do want her to be happy in her life--even if it is not with me. I will always be her friend, no matter how much I wish we could be more, because I know this is who I am to her--at least for now.

Life is something else, Ms. Earth Angel; what are your thoughts?


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Earth Angel 7 years ago Author

Thank you so much for your kind words Candle!!

I am right there with you!! An instruction manual would indeed be helpful!!

As a Life Skills Coach of many years, the best instruction manual(s) I have ever run across for all kinds of relationships is "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus!!" The books are upbeat, funny and really to the point!! It is mandatory reading for all my couples-clients!!

In a nutshell it points out what great lengths we go to in trying to understand a person from another country or culture! (Or planet!!) The book(s) also point out how we drop the efforts once we think we are communicating with a person "who speaks the same language!!"

Nope, none of us speak the same language!! Yep, we should treat each and every person/communication/conversation/letter/email, etc. with the same care as if we were interacting with someone from another planet!!

The idea may seem very cumbersome in the beginning, yet it is good training for us all!! AND it eliminates sooooooooooooooooo many misunderstandings down stream!!

Humor, laughter, fun, insight, effort, a pure heart, love and compassion: my prescription for any misunderstanding!!

Blessings to you and yours always, Earth Angel!!


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CANDLE 7 years ago

I've had the opportunity to peruse your hub on a subject as slippery as an eel: LOVE.

Love, that gorgeous, mysterious woman no one can live with or without. Every attempt made to comprehend and understand it always results in a fishing expedition at the bottomless pit of a very dark labyrinth.

I have a request Earth Angel. Obviously you are an Angel. As such, you live in the Creatress/Creator's inner circle, would you please ask HER/HIM to create the next batch of women/men with instructions, how-to manuals, so we won't have to guess or make up the rules as we go along?

(I forget: man do not ask for direction [GPS], nor do they read intructions, unless, the manuals are, of course, illustrated with some racy pictures.)

I guess we are back to square one.

Very stimulating hub!

Your #1 fan,

http://hubpages.com/hub/HOW-TO-WATCH-FREE-TV-ON-YO...


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Earth Angel 7 years ago Author

Dearest JackDaw!!

Learning about life and all its lessons is what we do here at HubPages!! It's not always pretty!! Life is really messy sometimes!! We all have things to share; the good, the bad and the ugly!! Don't sell yourself short in that arena!

Is there anything I can do to help you work through the last few days??

I am out of the office all day Friday!! Will be checking in on you over the weekend!!

Blessings always, Earth Angel!!


jackdaw 7 years ago

Earth Angel

Things not going too great past few days with my problem unfortunately, but its all my own fault for being selfish. Wish I had read your blog before I made my decision, but lifes about learning and I've learned a very important lesson.

No I've not been a Hubber at all. I doubt given the mistakes in my life my advice would be any good to people though..

Take care


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Earth Angel 7 years ago Author

Blessings to you JackDaw!!

Thank you for your kind words!! I am happy to be of service where I can!! My thoughts and best wishes are with you always!!

Blessings always, Earth Angel!!

P.S. Are you on HubPages as a Hubber?? Your depth and writing style would be most welcome in this amazingly diverse community!!


jackdaw 7 years ago

Earth Angel

Thanks again for your words and I take on board everything you say.

I think what you wrote below is one of the finest definitions of love I've ever read.

"Love is unselfish, kind, compassionate and with the highest regard for the object of our affections all wrapped up in unwavering integrity!! "

Certainly my actions havent done this, but I would still argue and say I am in love, just let my immaturity let me make the wrong decision.

But your words struck a cord, and next time I see the object of my affection I will ask for her forgiveness for my words. Not to say I didnt mean them as I did and still do, just I had no right to say them at all.

You're a wise women Earth Angel, thank you.


Earth Angel profile image

Earth Angel 7 years ago Author

Dearest JackDaw!!

Thank you again for checking!! You were in my thoughts many times the last couple of days!!

Your writing and outlook on life and love reminds me of one of my closest friends and the author of poetry I just published!! The book title, Sirens of Circumstance, comes from his experiences falling in love with his muse!!

To me, sirens are mythical creatures who call to sailors and seduce them into certain death!! To my author, sirens mean the same, but the death is well worth the try!! He is a romantic!! He feels alive on the high seas of potential love!! He is an idealist always listening for the call of the sirens!! He feels even more alive in the depth of despair from assured rejection!! He writes his best poetry as a Knight rescuing Fair Damsels, and even better poetry when the Damsel rides off with the King!!

Some of us, myself included, are just designed better for romance and intrigue and drama and flights of imagination!! The daily "stirring the oatmeal" has no appeal to me!! I love this aspect about myself; but I also know that "happily ever after" is made up of more mornings of oatmeal than evenings of passion!! And I want lots of one without so much of the other!! Hence, I have been single a long time!!

Romantic love, the love of the troubadours, the obsession that wells up deep in the soul and cannot be quenched with nothing less than the full and immediate presence of the beloved - - - is also an addiction of sorts!! Most people grow out of it, for it is usually quite irresponsible and selfish in nature!! Some of us refuse to let go forever convinced we can live in this world and that as well!!

Part of the dilemma is also our own coping mechanisms!! Even deeper lies the truth that we don't want people to get too close to us!! We've been deeply hurt and the wounds may forever be open!! So we live incongruently strung across the abyss of opposing desires!! One part of us wants nothing more than to surrender completely into heady emeshment!! The other part wants to fiercely protect ourselves like a bear with newborn cubs!! Growing up means recognizing this dichotomy!! And not subjecting others to the swings of push and pull of our tightrope!!

Again, gentle soul, love is not a feeling!! Love is an action, a process!! Love is unselfish, kind, compassionate and with the highest regard for the object of our affections all wrapped up in unwavering integrity!! While the feelings we experience may be as intense as they come, the feeling is not love!! Passion, lust, admiration, idealism, possessiveness, need, power, excitement, etc. but not love!!

Our "feelings" are caused by our thoughts!! We have "told" ourselves, consciously or unconsciously, things about the other person - or how our own lives would be better with them in it!! The things may be true, or may not be true - it doesn't matter to the mind!!

Did you know that? That whatever we allow into our consciousness, the mind believes as truth? It is only through logic and reason and vigilence about what we let into our grey mass, that determines what we keep and what we discard!! This is where mental discipline, just like physical discipline, or financial discipline, becomes crucial!! If we tell ourselves, if we "think" that we are in "love," the 8 pounds of soft tissue upon our shoulders will respond accordingly!!

And our "thoughts" are influenced by our bodies, our health, our circumstances, our needs and wants, our goals in life, and often just who crosses our path at a particular time!! Most often when we are young our feelings are influenced greatly by our hormones!! (We don't know it until we get much older!!) There's nothing wrong with any of the above, it's a natural part of life!! What is wrong is to not recognize the part we bring, or lack, in the thought equation!!

You seem to be on the right track for self inquiry and self exploration!! "The unexamined life in not worth living." But don't sell yourself short but quitting here!! I hope you refrain from writing the whole thing off as unrequited love!! There are reasons you made the choices and took the steps you did!! Look deeper - and then look deeper still!!

Not in a narcissistic, self-absorbed way, but as an observer, in an outside yourself without judgement way!! For if we don't clean up our own messes, and finally learn to stop spilling the milk over and over again, we are destined to a life of milking cows and never tasting cream!!

I would love to read your thoughts!! Know that I send you only the BEST!!

Blessings always, Earth Angel!!


jackdaw 7 years ago

Earth Angel

I couldn't disagree with any of your thoughts as you and I both know you're right in what you say. But love to me isn't something I seek out ever and has only happened to me on the two occasions I mentioned earlier, and thats despite a number of relationships.

I wish i could act in the way you describe and as much as I take it on board I know I'm too selfish a creature to have thought about what the consequences would be for her with what I said.

I know I was wrong, I know I shouldnt have told her and I know she was never going to feel the same way about me as I do about her.

But I had to know even if the chances of her feeling the same were only 1%.

We're only in this game once, in my opinion, and to live with thinking 'What If?' is something that would make me more miserable in the long term than how I feel now and will undoubtedly feel for quite a while.

You've wisdom beyond your years, but sometimes the best advice can fall on deaf ears, thats often the case with me.


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Earth Angel 7 years ago Author

Blessings to you JackDaw!!

Thank you for sharing your heartfelt sentiments!! I am sorry that telling your close friend about your feelings did not end up with happily ever after!! But right now she's married and technically may be trying to move toward happily ever after with the one she walked down the isle with!!

Love and romance are NOT feelings!! Contrary to pop culture, love is a process!! It is the commitment to another to hold their best interests in highest regard and consideration!! It sounds to me like you already know you did not do that in telling her of your "feelings!!??"

Feelings, no matter what they are, are always valid!! Everyone has a "right" to their feelings!! What they don't have is a right to use those feelings to cross clearly established boundaries!! Even if your friend were absolutely miserable in her marriage, it is a boundary not to be crossed!! Ever!!

"One person's 'want' does not lay claim to another person in any way!"

"One person's 'need' does not obligate another person to fulfil it!"

"One person's 'desire' does not make another person responsible to satisfy it!"

Original Quote copyright by S. Grace

It's not harder on a male than on a female who is head over heels in love with her married male best friend! WE all want to be loved and cherished!! We all want to know that a special someone would go to the ends of the earth for us!! We also want to know that we can let our hair down and be completely ourselves with those closest to us!! This comes with much earned trust - and that trust is earned by friends who keep their feelings in check and their actions appropriate!!

Love, as a process, would only want joy and happiness and contentment for your dear friend!! If that meant emotionally supporting her working even harder on her nuputials, even to the exclusion of your friendship, that is the step love would take!!

She might be happier with you!! She might not!! There are many, many factors besides happiness that affect people's decisions to couple!! I remember my ex- telling me one time, long after our friendly divorce and he had been madly in love with someone else for years, that he still wished we were married!! I was shocked!! So I asked him flat out, "you mean you would rather be miserable with me instead of happy as can be with her??" His answer was a resounding, "yes!!" To him, the feeling of being married only once, and never divorced, trumped all!!

Love as a process comes in many shapes, forms, colors and designs!! What may not make any sense to an outsider, may make perfect sense behind closed doors!! Shared goals, financial obligations, children, family and/or church expectations, culture, education and life experiences all play major factors - way beyond romance!! If you are really close friends, you would have a glimpse of some of her inner sensitivities and motivations!!

In your thoughtful comments above, count how many times you mentioned you thought you were being selfish!!?? Or self important?? Or coming from a male perspective?? Or feelings eating away at you!!?? Resent the time apart?? And how you knew you were making the "same mistake again!?" Love has no room in definition, nor desire, for any of those!!

I lovingly propose that you ask more of yourself!! Consider that character and integrity are powerful aphodisiacs!!

You know the old saying, "How you get them is how you lose them!!" If she were willing to have an affair with you - she would be willing to have an affair on you!! If she were willing to leave her husband for you - she would be willing to leave you for another man!! Celebrate her integrity!! Celebrate her character!!

Love is the BEST thing in the world, never the worst!! Rejection, insecurity, fear, selfishness, etc. may be the worst, but not Love!! Ever!!

After reading, many times, your comments above, I think you may be feeling what the trubadors coined as "Romantic Love . . ." It is a wonderful, albeit tragic, usually unrequited love!! Beautiful in a poem or a novel!! But at it's root, based on having feelings for the unattainable!!

You may have made an irreversible mistake in your friendship with this woman!! You made it once before!! You are now in your 30's - you know better now!! Honor HER decision about continuing friendship or not, whatever it may be!! That is the mature thing to do!!

Keep me posted!! I will hold in love and light that you are able to cross this bridge and remain friends!!

Blessings always, Earth Angel!!


jackdaw 7 years ago

Hi Earth Angel

I faced this same scenario where I fell in love with my best friend around 10 years ago, thought about telling her and made the choice to do it. The relationship died then and there and I've always regretted it. I havent seen her for ten years and miss her every day. All down to me, as I couldnt handle her not feeling the same way as me.I was in my 20's then and thought, well I have enough friends. Still miss her greatly.

I'm again in the same situation and have made the same mistake again. I've told a good friend who I adore and am head over heels in love with, of my feelings because it was eating away at me inside. I knew there was no way she felt the same way, for a number of reasons (shes married for one) and I dont know why I did it. Call it being selfish and full of my own self importance I guess. My problem is I believe in love and romance and these are the only 2 times I've ever been in love, despite a number of relationships.

I get the feeling I've lost this special woman and she will never want to be in my life, at least not in the same way, because I've told her how I feel. But in truth if I'm honest I dont know how much longer I could go on seeing her all the time without telling her how I felt.In this situation from a male point of view I think its very difficult to maintain this sort of relationhip and be able to be the person she became friends with. When you're in love with someone the way I am with her, you want to spend every second possible with her and start to resent time you're apart. 

From a male point of view a situation like mine it eats away at you and you do things and act in ways that impact on the friendship, without thinking about it. I've been selfish and while I am relieved I've told her, I now expect the consequences to be losing her a a friend.That will kill me emotionally but I guess deep down I knew that when I decided to tell her. It was only going to go one of two ways and in my experience its not the Hollywood happy ending!

Love is the worst and best thing in the world. It's what makes us feel alive even in times like now when I'm going through emotional hell, it's what lifes about, good or bad.

Would I change my decision I've detailed in both cases?

If I'm honest no I wouldn't. It's easy to say I would rather have them as a friend but to be frank when you're so in love with someone so deeply friendship will never be enough, at least for me. I couldnt go on seeing them every day knowing they were never going to be in love with me the way I was with them.

I guess I've made the right choice for me but everyones different and anyone reading has to make their own choice and deal with the consequences. Do whats right for you. 

It's taken me 10 years between my times of falling in love, I shut myself off emotionally so as not to feel that hurt again. I hope it's not another 10 until I get the feeling again, but every time takes a long time to get over.

My experiences wont stop me from embracing that wonderful feeling again when it does come though. But I hope the next time it's not unrequited.......  

 


Earth Angel profile image

Earth Angel 7 years ago Author

Blessings to you Ryan!!

Thank you for sharing!!

I think any time our feelings for someone begin to grow beyond friendship and into romance we become afraid of losing them!! The possibility is real!! I have lost many friendships over the years because I did not feel the same way they did!!

To me, love is love and the world just doesn't have enough of it!! If it comes in straight, gay, bi, lesbian, green or purple packages, it is still love and the world needs as much loving, positive energy as it can get!!

Is your best friend okay with "bi" for his "friends" or would he be okay with bi for his lover as well?? Nothing wrong with throwing a casual inquiry out there while you're together!! Everyone pretty much wants to appear open-minded!! Sometimes not so much behind closed doors!!

For me, a potential lover's open-mindedness is a good thing!! Straight, gay, bi, lesbian, green or purple wasn't as much the issue as openly being who they are!! I wouldn't turn someone down because they were/are bi - I would however turn them down if they felt they needed to hide their true nature!!

(I grew up in S.F. and my best friend was bi- so my perspective might be a bit different than in other places!!)

I love that you are willing to share your feelings and your fears!! I can't always guarantee my words will produce the results you hope for, but they come from my heart and are offered as food for thought!

Keep me posted!! The world needs more love!!

Blessings always, Earth Angel!!


Ryan 7 years ago

I love my best friend but i dont know how to tell him, hes the only person who knows im bi and hes ok with that but im still afraid of losing him


Earth Angel profile image

Earth Angel 7 years ago Author

Dearest RawWar!!

It is sooooooooooooo good to hear from you!! I am delighted you took the time and thoughtfulness to write a letter to your past, and now future paramour!! Your heart must be singing at the possibility that in the not too distant future, you may be a couple again!! Well done RawWar!!

I will keep holding a place of light and love in my heart for you both!!

Thank you also for the nice compliments!! It is a pleasure corresponding with enlightened souls like yourself!!

Keep me posted!!

Blessings always, Earth Angel!!


Rawwar 7 years ago

Thanks sooo much for responding, you really help a lot and I love that you take time out to respond to people.

I wrote him a pretty long letter about how I felt for him because I was too shy to tell him face to face and it was pretty much driving me crazy that I wasn't telling him.

He responded back to the letter and told me that he still had feelings for me too, and still cared an awful lot about me. We're still on the 'friends' side of things for now; but that is very subject to change sometime soon :P.

Again, thanks so much. If it weren't for people like you, I don't think some people would have the courage to tell people how they feel without a little push and some encouragement =).


Earth Angel profile image

Earth Angel 7 years ago Author

Dearest RawWar!!

I think most of us who risk being in love have also made foolish choices along the way!! It shows maturity that even in light of maybe a not so wise reason for breaking up, you were able to remain really good friends!!

If you are afraid that he will reject the thought of getting involved again, there is nothing wrong with casually bringing up the subject!! Humor bridges a lot of gaps!! "Hey, so and so are back together!! Can you believe it?? After all that time? Hey sometimes I think we should be back together!!??"

Or a more direct sensitive approach would be, "You know I broke up with you for a really dumb reason . . . And I cherish the friendship we have been able to build . . . But I wouldn't be disappointed if we went a bit further than friends again . . ."

Often when we think about approaching the subject of love, we think of it in a "hot and heavy and serious" way because our feelings are "hot and heavy and serious!!" There is plenty of time for that!! The first step is to see if the other person has any mutual interest!!

From another perspective, I have too many friends who want to become romantically involved with me!! I am very clear, very direct and very celibate!! I feel insulted, not complimented, when a friend wants to cross the boundaries!! It is usually based only on what "he" wants/needs and has little to do with my beliefs or goals or wants/needs!!

Whenever thinking about getting into a relationship, one based on the true definition of love, both sides need to be considered!! Think not just about what you want from the other person, but what you bring to the life of the other person as well!!

Keep me posted!! I LOVE love stories!!

Blessings always, Earth Angel!!


rawwar 7 years ago

I'm kind of going through it right now. Its a little different because I dated him first and broke up with him because of a really dumb reason. We became really good friends after but I'm afraid if I tell him I still love him he'll reject the thought.


Earth Angel profile image

Earth Angel 7 years ago Author

Hello Rev!!

Thank you for sharing your heart so openly!! Isn't love grand?? Full of promise and angst and confidence and insecurity!! Nothing on earth makes us feel more alive!!

It is impossible to give someone sound advice from a few short paragraphs!! What I can share are some of my life experiences and you can take it from there!!

Friendship is one of the BEST foundations for a romantic relationship if both parties are so inclined!! My best friend in High School was a guy, and after three years of being just pals, we fell in love!! After graduation, he went away for a couple of years and when he returned we fell in love all over again and were married!! Although now divorced, we are still very close friends - and will be forever!!

I remember a thousand unanswered questions as our friendship morphed into romance!! I didn't know what to do or what to say or really who to be!! There were so many awkward moments!! The person I was most comfortable with in the world now gave me butterflies!! The person I most wanted to talk with about my new found feelings, was the person I was having the feelings for!!? In our larger group of friends, if he spent more time talking to someone else, I felt pangs on jealously!! If he spent all his time talking to me, I felt exposed and embarrassed!! Easy conversation became excruciatingly painful as we tried to figure out how each other felt!!

I am hoping that your friendship and conversation and possible romance might come a bit easier!! There is nothing wrong with hinting at the possibility while you are hanging out together!!

Suppose you are watching a movie, or talking about other kids at school, or politics or sports!! You could ask her what she thought about so-and-so hooking up with another so-and-so!!?? That should lead to conversation about all kinds of couples!! Lightheartedly, you could casually mention you thought the two of you might make a good couple!!?? See what she says and how she responds!!

Keep me posted!! I would love to hear that love is in the air!!

Blessings always, Earth Angel!!


Rev 7 years ago

I'm in need of some advice here and I'd much rather get a response than just read articles on the internet which is why this page has sparked my interest so much! Basically I'm 18, a boy and in my last year at high school and (Surprise!) I'm pretty sure I've fallen for my best friend who is a girl.

I have absoloutely no idea how she feels about me, she liked this other guy quite a bit for a fairly long time and I stupidly went along trying to help her with it because I wanted her to be happy! But now shes admitted that she doesn't like him that way anymore, and that it could never really work. Shes the really shy and timid type and has actually never had a boyfriend before and I know that shes awful at flirting...

Really I just don't know what to do, I was thinking of sending her a "Late Valentines" gift anonymously like flowers. Schools nearly over and theres a high chance we'll be going to different Universitys so should I just go for it at the end of school? I'd probably be losing her anyway if I didn't.... Can anyone help?


ashurii 7 years ago

this helped me alot. i told my best friend mason i loved him more than just friendship, and i found out he did as well, now we've been dating for two years and its still going strong. thank you so much!


Earth Angel profile image

Earth Angel 7 years ago Author

Blessings to you and your new love!! Thank you for sharing!! Please let me know as it unfolds!!

Just in case she is not in the same place as you are, please do not take it personally!! It is hard to keep our own needs/wants/expectations out of the equation!! Yet those things only contaminate true love!!

Yes, love is a beautiful gift . . . yet comes in many shades, flavors, colors, textures and moments!! I would take a best friend over a lover any day!!

And if she is in the same place as you are, celebrate the joy and laughter and intimacy!!

Blessings to you both on this journey!! I say prayers your hearts are in the same place at the same time!!

Happy New Year!! Earth Angel!!


someone 7 years ago

I just got the confidence to tell my best friend that i love her. i'm a girl and she's been into girls before. we hang out everyday, day and night. for the past few months i've been seeing her differently. and now i've fallen for her. i sent her an email while she was away on holiday in her home country. I took that opportunity to tell her through an email and give her time to let it sink in for a week while she's away. i haven't yet heard from her. it hasn't even been 24 hours since i sent it to her. i'm waiting and anticipating her response. but i'm just glad i was able to summon up the courage and let out my feelings. if you love your best friend, tell them. if they are upset with you then they're not who you thought they were to begin with. love is a beautiful thing and for someone to hear that another person has seen their imperfections as qualities and all of the beauty and color and passion they bring to life is something they should cherish and accept and hopefully they will give you a chance to prove to them your love. if not, hopefully you can remain close friends and maybe even closer.

i will see what happens to me. soon. i hope.


juice 8 years ago

min, the female mind is a very complex thing. dont read too much into things that she does, instead turn the tables on her. make jokes, initiate contact, flirt.. and watch how she handles the situation. that's what she has been doing with you, she has been reading you. odds are if you have feelings for her, she already knows. becareful to not turn it into mind games though, she'll smell it from a mile away. just try subtle things like physically distancing yourself a little and see if she moves in to fill the space.

now just because a girl rubs elbows with you, doesnt necessarily mean that she is romantically interested in you. she may simply be looking for physical comfort, a shoulder to lean on, or cry on... a concrete male figure in her life that she can depend on... the "best friend" - reap the benifits without the responsiblity.

dont look at relationships as a thing that just magically happens. feelings can be changed a manipulated (i know its an ugly word, but its true). if she's calling you everyday and always hanging out together, she is probrably interested. this doesnt mean that she wants to be with you.. girls are always shopping in life. they want what can serve them best. ALWAYS... find out what she likes, and know them well. these cards can be played at anytime and she will feel noticed and appreciated.... but DON'T BE WEAK. let her know you're always there for her, but you're not going to give it all up for her. if she sense she can walk all over you, chances are she will. the quote "good girls like bad boys" is total bs. they just want someone strong and who can take control when the time is right...

just be genuine to her and yourself. good luck and i hope things work out!


Min Song 8 years ago

hi, first of all, this really is an old post and I realize I'm just grasping straws here...

but i am falling for my best friend, Beth, but the problem is that when one of my other best friend had a crush on me, this girl promised to never feel that way towards me. but right now, she's calling me just about everyday. first she starts off the conversation by asking me what the homework is and we talk for at least 10-20 minutes a day. then I asked her couple times to hang out, so she and I hung out at Caribou's for like 3 hours and even went to see a movie with just the two of us. she keeps slapping me on the shoulder and in the movie theatre, she kept leaning her arm against mine. and whenever she talked during the movie, she'd lean really close to my ear and whisper.

am i reading the signs totally wrong? or is she into me?


Earth Angel profile image

Earth Angel 8 years ago Author

Thank you again Ripplemaker!! (your definition of a Ripplemaker touches my heart!!)

Thank you for your insightful comment!! I've lost too, too many men friends oer the years because they assumed my romantic feelings had blossomed along with theirs!! The friendship was never the same!! Thank you for sharing!!

Blessings Always, Earth Angel!!


ripplemaker profile image

ripplemaker 8 years ago from Cebu, Philippines

I've seen relationships changed when one party starts falling in love with the other one. And then it all changes, when the other one just wants to be "friends."  I guess it would be fantastic if both feel the same way. :-)


Earth Angel profile image

Earth Angel 8 years ago Author

Dearest Angela! Thank you for the comments and the words of support!! Were you sorry you never told your "best friend??" As for me, I've never been sorry when I didn't try to push a friendship into a romance!! In my cases, it had little to do with the other person and more to do with a longing within myself!! Plus, too often I have found myself on the other side, with long term cherished friends insisting/demanding/expecting that we "move to the next level" without real regard to how I feel about it!! I too enjoy your writing and look forward to reading much more!! Blessings, Earth Angel!!


Angela Harris profile image

Angela Harris 8 years ago from Around the USA

I went through this situation as a teenager. This, of course, is completely different than adult friendships. By the way, I never told my 'best friend'. I love your advice and your writing. I look forward to more.


James1962 8 years ago

I will like to make a general statement based on my years of experience,men tend to take a physical approach by being close very often,buying gift and making an outting while the women make the body language.This body language translate to seductive appearance to the best friend........so men and women watch out for these signs in your best friend and know when he or she is speaking to you


Earth Angel profile image

Earth Angel 8 years ago Author


Earth Angel profile image

Earth Angel 8 years ago Author

Hi Rudra!! Thanks for the comment!! Yes, it is a difficult topic!! As a Life Skills Coach it's the difficult ones that find their way into my office!! Do you have some personal experience with this one?? Someone else has feelings for you?? Or, you have feelings for someone else and don't know how to proceed?? I would love to hear your thoughts and comments!! Blessings, Earth Angel!!


Rudra profile image

Rudra 8 years ago

This is good topic for disussion but its a difficult one.

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