How to train your man
Having been with my fiancé now for four years, I am pleased to say that he has completed half of his training and is well on his way to becoming house trained. We all have our little habits that are annoying to others. To be fair, Chris is a kind, gentle, caring and very loving man who treats me like a queen, and treats my ten year old daughter like she was his own. BUT........... and it's a big but, when it comes to bad habits, (cue the horror music) - he is in a class of his own. This article is in no way intended to offend any man - only my own!
As with any pet, before you take it on, you must find out all you can and have a training plan at the ready. Having studied the human male pet, it is important to get the bad habits stamped out with the correct training techniques. I thought it best to give you some examples of the training I have successfully implemented over the years.
Let training commence
In order to achieve the best possible results, it is imperative that you implement your training plan straight away. You want to have an alert and responsive pet who will be obedient and well behaved. Follow these simple steps, and you will be pleasantly surprised with the results:
Problem 1 : He has an imaginary wardrobe on the bedroom floor where he "hangs" his clothes at night.
Annoyance Factor : 8/10
Solution : Flatten the clothes into a neat pile and allow your cat/dog to use it as a bed. The hair on the garments should be enough to show him that the "real" wardrobe should be used to store clothes in the future!
Problem 2 : He stuffs neatly ironed and folded shirts into a drawer, with no regard for the time taken to carry out this chore.
Annoyance Factor : 7/10
Solution: Iron the collars only - your man will soon get the message
Problem 3 : Squeezing the toothpaste tube in the middle and leaving it like this for the next user to fix.
Annoyance Factor : 5/10
Solution : Don't waste time on training for this, instead, replace it with a pump action variety. He may be confused for a while, but will soon get the hang of it!
Problem 4 : He loses his wallet and blames you for moving it when you were tidying up.
Annoyance Factor : 3/10
Solution : Let him have his tantrum, ignore any bad behaviour and wait for him to calm down. Eventually he will start to look for it himself. Remember to give him plenty of praise when he finds it.
Problem 5 : He needs more fresh air and exercise which is sadly lacking.
Annoyance Factor : 1/10
Solution : Start off slowly by allowing him to fetch the newspaper from the front lawn and collecting the milk from the doorstep. Gradually build up until he feels he can visit the local grocery store unsupervised.
Problem 6 : Watching far too much football at the weekends (which is your only two days off work).
Annoyance Factor : 7/10
Solution : Buy a rattle and use it throughout the duration of the game.
Problem 7 : Wearing far too much over-powering aftershave.
Annoyance Factor : 2/10
Solution : This is one of the easier solutions as it will give you a headache - this comes in handy; especially at bedtime!
Problem 8 : Hogs the remote control. He is very territorial and never puts it down while watching his television programme.
Annoyance Factor : 4/10
Solution : Reward him with a small treat each time he puts down the remote control. He will eventually associate the two and this will make for a happier household.
Problem 9 : He doesn't clean the bathroom sink after he's had a shave.
Annoyance Factor : 9/10
Solution : Sprinkle the remnants of his stubble on his pillow! As with some puppy training methods, it's just like rubbing his face in it!
Problem 10 : He asks you how your day was, then doesn't listen to you when you tell him.
Annoyance Factor : 4/10
Solution : Wear ear plugs when he speaks - remember to nod and smile occasionally!
The do's and don'ts of training your man
- Don't lose your temper or shout as this will confuse your pet and will accomplish nothing.
- There is no instant miracle cure - be patient and you will see the rewards.
- Do have a reward chart, you can then plot his progress.
- A pet must look upon you as its master, play it cool and let him think that he's in charge once in a while.
- Take regular breaks from training and relax. Pamper yourself, take it easy and perhaps give yourself a little treat e.g. chocolates or wine (or both)!
Disclaimer : No man was harmed during the making of this hub.
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