How will you know if your husband is gay!?!

Hey before I start this very broad and sensitive topic about homosexuality, I would just like to let you know that I have nothing against gay or anything of its kind.

My views about Homosexuality

Homosexual, whether gay or lesbian is nothing new to me. In this world that I am living there were a lot of them. I can say it is not as taboo as before. They are now more accepted by the public. The only question right now is how their family coped up with that especially to the young homosexuals who have just discovered their real selves. Some families have embraced their new personality easily but most are having a hard time particularly the fathers who are expecting something big from their “unico hijo” or “unico hija”. But other than the roaring father of a gay or lesbian child which is a very common scenario, a wife of a confused husband is also another story to tell.

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How will you know if he’s gay?

Well you wouldn’t come up to this question if you don’t see something wrong with him. Now each item below wouldn’t be a guarantee that he’s gay, but put them all together then more or less he is. What is best is for you to ask him directly. Clear all your doubts and tell him the reasons why you have asked him that.

  • Being vain - You’ve noticed lately that he’s been very conscious of his looks. He’ll look not just once, twice or thrice in your life size mirror. He’ll spray on that perfume gazillion times. Wait! I knew a lot of straight men who are vain, but if you’ve noticed this momentous transformation he’d probably want to look good for someone else, maybe female or male. You’ll know if it’s you he wants to impress.

  • Hate gay people – He’d seen one and say something that is not so nice. He can’t stand being on the same room with a gay person. He’s afraid that he’ll get noticed. You know the saying, you will know one if you sees one.

  • New found male buddy – He receives frequent quick calls from his new male friend. As if this new guy is checking on your guys business every second. He’d go out at night for a drink with this guy or he’ll say with a group of new male friends. You’ll ask him regarding this and he’ll say that this guy is his best friend. Hey you’ve just met this guy and now you’ll tell me that he is your best friend.
  • Lack of interest on you – He’ll turn you down whenever you want to make love with him. He’ll often sleep on the other side of the bed turning away from you. And when he says yes, he’ll have the strangest new way of doing it, and you wonder where on earth he had learned that.
  • Private internet habit – You can’t disturb him when he’s roaming the net. Worst he doesn’t want you to see what he is doing. If ever you’re the detective type, you’ll find out he’s looking to some LGBT porn or he has kept some LGBT magazines.
  • Exaggerating his manliness – He doesn’t want to be teased as gay. He doesn’t want to play gay in any themed party, whether in your family reunion or in his company event even if the others will do it too. He is uncomfortable when the topic is about his masculinity.

What will you do if he admits that he is gay?

So what now? You might hate him for fooling you; you might hate yourself for being fooled. You might get embarrassed by this revelation and think of what your family will say about this, what your friends will think of you, how you can protect your children with this dilemma. Of course these thoughts will be rolling your head but you won’t fix anything by worrying these things much. You have to talk it over. Ask why he had to hide it to you. If he says because he doesn’t want to loose you; then ask why. Is it because he loves you too and he’s afraid that you might leave him or he just uses you to protect his image. If he says he loves you then there’s hope. You can ask him to give up all his sinful acts and you can still live together, well that is if you still want him after what had happened, but hey if you really love the guy and the damaged is repairable then why not. But then if he is not happy with you and you are not so happy as well, I suggest you go separate ways. Maybe both of you can find somebody else to love and you can both be happy in the end.

Is there really hope that a homosexual be transformed?

Yes there is hope, I have seen some and had been very happy with their chosen path. It is in ones willingness to change that will make the process a success. The support of his family and friends especially his wife in this case is very important.

Words to leave by:

1 Corinthians 10:13 (New International Version)

No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.

Comments 25 comments

RedElf profile image

RedElf 7 years ago from Canada

Very interesting observations, Charia. Kudos for tackling such a thorny issue. Well done.


guidebaba profile image

guidebaba 7 years ago from India

I don't agree with any of the items mentioned above. Have you personally any of these. Is your Husband a Gay? Did you study all these in school or college?


Charia Samher profile image

Charia Samher 7 years ago Author

Hi RedElf, thanks so much. I was hesitant at first to join this week’s hubmob topic as it is very delicate issue but I joined in anyway.

Hi guidebaba. The list above is not really the basis for one to conclude that one is gay. It may be just an indication. No my husband is not gay but I have some gay friends still in the closet. Thanks for reading anyways.


guidebaba profile image

guidebaba 7 years ago from India

OK. But I still wonder how does a person become a Gay ! It sounds a Nuisence.


Charia Samher profile image

Charia Samher 7 years ago Author

I’m so sorry if this topic irritates or annoys you. With regards to your question I think there would be a lot of factor on how one become gay. That would probably be another story to tell.


Dottie1 profile image

Dottie1 7 years ago from MA, USA

I think the best way to know is to straight out and ask when the time is right and in a sensitive and respectful way. That is the only way you may get an honest answer unless that person is unwilling to admit it to him/herself.

Regardless if you suspect your husband or wife is LGBT and you are not comfortable seek counsel. Together make a plan for your future. Should you stay or leave?

As tough an issue as this may be for those involved we can still honor ourselves by being a kind and decent human being. We do not have to play judge for that will be taken care of on judgement day.


earnestshub profile image

earnestshub 7 years ago from Melbourne Australia

Gays in my experience are born that way inclined. I think any prejudice against another's sexuality is just plain ignorance.

I am a heterosexual male, but have a normal number of friends, some of them are gay, some are in a long term and loving relationships.All of them are nice decent contributing people.


Charia Samher profile image

Charia Samher 7 years ago Author

Yes Dottie, no matter how hard it is one should ask the person involved point blank; but of course as you’ve said should be with respect.

I have written this hub with a friend in mind, I just hope she will not come across this hub. Anyways I didn’t mention anything above.

I don’t know if I do the write thing of publishing this as I really don’t want to create any turmoil or anything with regards to the other hubber. But since it’s here already, I just might as well deal with it as a mature individual.

Thanks for your time. Your presence lightens my mood by saying your opinion on the matter.


Charia Samher profile image

Charia Samher 7 years ago Author

Hi earnestshub,

Yes of course it is not right to judge another without knowing them personally. Who are we to judge them anyway? More than we know they might be a better individual than we are.


anglnwu profile image

anglnwu 7 years ago

I personally know of some friends who have chosen to put up with their gay husbands. I admire their strength and courage but maybe, this is one sacrifice that is all too painful. I don't know what I'll do if in a similar situation but perhaps, the best way is for both parties to have a "real" talk and maybe decide on the kind of arrangements that will make both parties happy.


Charia Samher profile image

Charia Samher 7 years ago Author

Yes I agree with you anglnwu. Although we really don't know how painful it is and how hard for them to talk about it; but it is the only way to deal with it. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. =)


ripplemaker profile image

ripplemaker 7 years ago from Cebu, Philippines

Hi Charia, it would be hard to tell I am sure but then as you say there are tell tale signs.


Charia Samher profile image

Charia Samher 7 years ago Author

Yes teacher Michelle, it is really hard to tell. Thanks for reading this! =)


manujkhera profile image

manujkhera 7 years ago from India

Really informative article.....Thanks for the post.


Charia Samher profile image

Charia Samher 7 years ago Author

Thanks for commenting manujkhera. =)


GeneralHowitzer profile image

GeneralHowitzer 7 years ago from Land of Salt, Philippines

Hehehe cool green hub and optimistic too.


Charia Samher profile image

Charia Samher 7 years ago Author

Thanks General!


blondepoet profile image

blondepoet 7 years ago from australia

I would just fall over backwards if I were married and found out my husband was gay. It is so very true though it happens. Thanks so much for sharing. :)


Charia Samher profile image

Charia Samher 7 years ago Author

Yeah same here BP. Thanks so much for reading. =)


JessicaSideways profile image

JessicaSideways 6 years ago from Denver, CO

You cannot be converted to straight, much like you cannot truly convert your hair colour (i.e. I dyed my hair blonde and the brown seeped through) or upbringing. To do so is to put yourself into a situation where you become neurotic and self-hating and you will eventually blow up. It is much healthier to accept who you are and love yourself for it.


rhunan 6 years ago

now.., i'm proud i'm bisexual.., thanks to your topic.


Bi ad Tried 5 years ago

I have tried the bi thing and although I don't openly enjoy the romantic side of gay, love the softness of a woman. Nothing makes me hotter than a young hung stud for a groping, and heavy sex. The best is when we get a foursome and just enjoy guy/girl and guy/guy - girl/girl action. My wife is lovely, hot and sexy. She can go all night long and I love her for it. I love her more for participating in our mutual turn-ons.


KarmaPlusOne profile image

KarmaPlusOne 5 years ago from New Hampshire

Take it from me. It's never easy. The only choice I made was to try to live a "normal" life. There are thousands apon thousands of men who live the straight life, trapped. No man truly wants to be gay, I promise you that. They may have come to terms with it, but many believe that if they marry a beautiful woman, things will and can change. Many are still trapped and will always be trapped. Some will commit suicide. Some will come to terms with it. If you can, put yourself in the same shoes of a gay man wanting to live a normal life. He would do anything to achieve that.


SEXYLADYDEE profile image

SEXYLADYDEE 4 years ago from Upstate NY

Wow I didn't realize that there were still people out there who think that one's sexuality is a choice that you make. Did you choose to be straight? Knowing one or two people, obviously not well doesn't qualify anyone to explain any groups sexuality. The old testament condoned stoning women. The new testament is about love and not judging others. Someone who is honestly gay, bisexual, homosexual or transgender didn't make a choice. It's the way you are born.


sandra 3 years ago

HELLO to my friends out there i am testifying about the good work of a man who help me it has been hell from the day my husband left me i am a woman with two kids my problem stated when the father of my kids travel i never help he was living but as at two weeks i did not set my eye on my husband i try calling but he was not taken my call some week he call me telling me that he has found love some where easy at first i never take to be serous but day after he came to the house to pick his things that was the time i notice that things is going bad i help he will come back but things was going bad day by day i needed to talk to someone about it so i went to his friend but there was no help so i give it up on him month later i met on the the internet a spell caster i never believe on this but i needed my men back so i gave the spell caster my problem at first i never trusted him so i was just doing it for doing sake but after three day my husband called me telling me that he his coming home i still do not believe but as at the six day the father to my kids came to the house asking me to for give him the spell work to said to my self from that day i was happy with my family thanks to the esango priest of (abamieghe)esango priest he his a great man you need to try him you can as well to tell him your problem so that he can be of help to you his content email is this esangopriest@hotmail.com indeed you are a priest thank you for making my home a happy home again. remember his email is esangopriest@hotmail.com

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