I Am a Jealous Wife

I Am a Jealous Wife

I know that this bold statement would raise an eyebrow to the trying hard positive thinker and self-righteous wife or husband. But while you are at it, try to think twice and examine yourself, see what you had been suppressing deep within you.

Feelings of jealousy are as valid as feelings of love. Human beings cannot eliminate emotions that are natural to them. Jealousy is always present when a person truly falls in love; these feelings are twins!

Let me quote Song of Solomon 8:6;

“Set me as seal upon your heart; as a seal upon your arm; for love is as strong as death, jealousy is as cruel as the grave; its flames are flames of fire, a most vehement flame.”

Even God is a jealous God, He abhors worshippers of graven images and God’s jealousy means death punishment to the sons and daughters of His chosen people.

But all these religious and Biblical accounts of jealousy are beside the point. The truth remains that jealousy exists in every normal heart of every normal human. To deny the feelings of jealousy is to deny your existence just as one cannot live to enjoy life without love.

Given that jealousy is as real as love, it is still subjective to the total personality of an individual and to the condition and situation of their relationship, among other factors. Survey shows that most people deny or suppress the feelings of jealousy because they have the social and collective mindset that jealousy is a negative feeling hence they negate it outwardly.

The seemingly normal people don’t want to be perceived as negative, they try hard to project a wholesome and positive personality.

Only those with strong and straightforward personality who know who and what they are can boldly admit publicly their reality.

So, what are the common negative connotations of jealousy? For most people, jealousy is a taboo and conveys the following assumptions;

1. Jealous wives or husbands or lovers are insecure of their mate’s love and attention;

2. Being jealous is a symptom of a controlling personality;

3. Jealous people are having low self-esteem;

4. Jealousy is a very painful feeling hence must be suppressed and ignored;

5. Jealousy is envy and inadequacy in action;

6. A jealous spouse or lover is actually the errant in the relationship.

The preceding are just some of the most common negative assumptions about jealousy. The list can continue infinitely.

Like a certain amount of necessary fear for self-preservation and life sustaining assertion, a certain amount of jealousy is necessary to keep the flame of love burning especially in a marriage relationship. It has its pros and cons and has its own stages of intensity.

Jealousy is not all negative like most people would like to believe. Most people, though, shun the feelings of jealousy because somewhere within their nature knows that jealousy is a deadly feeling to its extreme. Jealousy is a sure vehicle to murder when it is allowed to control one’s heart and life.

Jealousy exists in every heart; the more you suppress and ignore it the more it gets vehement and will destroy your life eventually. Divorce, prostitution, uncontrolled and unreasonable anger and evil tantrums even murder, unexplained illness, and general failures in life are among the extreme destroyer and social ills resulting from suppressed jealousy.

Jealousy and fear are two equally powerful emotions to destroy life when not faced squarely. People like the feelings of love and are ready to sacrifice jealousy for fear of losing the person they love. This is actually an outright paradox.

Jealousy should be expressed reasonably in the right time and must be understood and seen in its right perspective.

To cite an example; my personal experience

My first marriage lasted for 18 years. It bore two children. I had no doubts of my ex-husband’s love to me nor did it occur to me that he would leave me or replace me, but I left him eventually.

There was a time when he shocked me when I discovered his affair with my 16-year old promiscuous housemaid. I really actually got sick as a result; it was just unthinkable because I never had expected it to happen having never been suspicious and jealous ever since.

I knew nothing about jealousy, I just felt so secured in his love, in fact too secured to be ignorant of the natural tendencies of men in a given situation where their weakness with the opposite sex is triggered. I was ignorant in the ways of men.

From then on I had learned to disdain him; it was so difficult to forgive him from my heart but because we have two small children and that I wanted to save the marriage for the sake of our children so I really struggled to forgive him.

Forgiving him was a release from my emotional pains but his behavior alerted me and jealousy crept in to the rescue. I started getting jealous and assertive because at the time I still loved him and needed him being the father of my kids.

I was not supposed to be jealous because I was young and I possessed all the qualities of a desirable woman, e.g. look, family background, education, intellect, good reputation, to mention a few. My jealousy was not for insecurity, it was a righteous jealousy supported by the fact of his promiscuity as against my principle of an unblemished marriage that should be founded in love, integrity and loyalty as I am.

I didn’t listen to his promises; I saw what type of person he was and that won’t change and I don’t believe in an abrupt change of personality just because I caught him in his natural weakness. I felt so sorry for myself having been involved with a weakling. My jealousy was for self-preservation and to guard myself from natural traitors and predators like my ex-husband.

When my heart got tired of being jealous so that he did not anymore exist as far as I was concerned, it was then I realized that the flame of love for him had eventually died.

I eventually had lost my love for him along with jealousy. I was glad that I was not jealous anymore and glad too that I didn’t love him anymore; both jealousy and love jumped out the window in that relationship, so did I.

Really, Love and Jealousy are TWINS, their family name is FLAMES; that is flames that keep the desire for each other in a marriage relationship burning.

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Comments 25 comments

Jynzly profile image

Jynzly 3 years ago from Marion, Indiana, USA Author

Hi blessedmommyof3,

That is exactly what I mean about jealousy; you got it perfectly right. A little jealousy to keep the flame of love burning as oppose to just taking our husband for granted.

Thanks for reading my hub and for your very reasonable comment. God Bless.


Jynzly profile image

Jynzly 3 years ago from Marion, Indiana, USA Author

Hi blessedmommyof3,

That is exactly what I mean about jealousy; you got it perfectly right. A little jealousy to keep the flame of love burning as oppose to just taking our husband for granted.

Thanks for reading my hub and for your very reasonable comment. God Bless.


blessedmommyof3 profile image

blessedmommyof3 3 years ago

Great Hub! I also am a jealous wife, but not out of insecurity, or to the point of controlling I completely trust my husband, I am just protecting our relationship because I love him. If you love someone it's just a natural instinct to feel a little jealousy or protectiveness. People who are not jealous I feel just take their relationship for granted assuming that their spouse will forever be there and always remain faithful, but a little jealousy\love will make you want to do whatever it takes to make that person happy so that they will stay and remain faithful. Everyone knows that if one or the other spouse isn't happy they will have a wondering eye, so therefore I feel like a healthy amount of jealousy is good for a relationship.


Jynzly profile image

Jynzly 3 years ago from Marion, Indiana, USA Author

Hi annart,

I am reasonably jealous and if I am just suspicious, I discuss it with my hubby and if my jealousy is baseless then I listen to him. I do love my husband and I always choose the highest good for both of us and our marriage.

Thanks for the visit and for such a sensible comment. God Bless.


Jynzly profile image

Jynzly 3 years ago from Marion, Indiana, USA Author

Hi annart,

I am reasonably jealous and if I am just suspicious, I discuss it with my hubby and if my jealousy is baseless then I listen to him. I do love my husband and I always choose the highest good for both of us and our marriage.

Thanks for the visit and for such a sensible comment. God Bless.


annart profile image

annart 3 years ago from SW England

Jealousy is a terrible thing but it's difficult to ignore if something happens to raise it. I think we should try to talk things through and to look at the positive as much as possible. If we truly love someone then we forgive but if they keep hurting us and therefore show that they don't really love us, that's the time to move on I suppose. Interesting hub.


Jynzly profile image

Jynzly 3 years ago from Marion, Indiana, USA Author

Hi MissJamieD,

You have no idea how you make me so happy with your very eloquently written and very encouraging comment. I feel so relieved that there is somebody out there who share similar experience with me in marriage relationship and who can understand my viewpoint in this matter. Thank you so much. I had been feeling so low in the last few days defending myself from the personal attacks I received because of this straightforward and honest to goodness expression of my true feelings.

Once again, thank you and God Bless.


Jynzly profile image

Jynzly 3 years ago from Marion, Indiana, USA Author

Hi MissJamieD,

You have no idea how you make me so happy with your very eloquently written and very encouraging comment. I feel so relieved that there is somebody out there who share similar experience with me in marriage relationship and who can understand my viewpoint in this matter. Thank you so much. I had been feeling so low in the last few days defending myself from the personal attacks I received because of this straightforward and honest to goodness expression of my true feelings.

Once again, thank you and God Bless.


MissJamieD profile image

MissJamieD 3 years ago from Minnes-O-ta

I love this hub because I wrote one about a month ago but deleted it because it received no traffic. I believe possibly it was due in part to adults that refuse to admit jealousy. They see it as a weakness. I personally realize that it's a human emotion, that's why I chose to write about it. I'm in a fairly new relationship after being married 16 years to the father of my three children, and I had almost forgotten about feelings of jealousy because I'd long ago fallen out of love with my ex so I didn't care what he did. Now I've been in the most amazing relationship of my life (almost 37 years old) and it's been close to a year, so we're now getting into the stage where a person typically asks themselves if this will be forever. I know my bf and I will be together forever, but he and I were both in 15/16 yr relationships before we met so we were both guarded. We're not used to the jealousy feelings, but we've both, at different times, experienced them. We talk about it openly and honestly and we've worked through every problem we've come across this way. There's nothing that can save a marriage outside of honesty and communication so I'm proud to say we have that. But your hub is wonderful, you definitely explained the situation better than I probably had. Great job;)


Jynzly profile image

Jynzly 3 years ago from Marion, Indiana, USA Author

dashingscorpio,

Okay, I don't want to argue. Thank you for reading my hub and for the comments.


Jynzly profile image

Jynzly 3 years ago from Marion, Indiana, USA Author

Ericdierker,

Okay, it's up to you. But whatever you say does not necessarily mean that you are right in your opinion about me.

Thank you anyway for reading my hub.


Jynzly profile image

Jynzly 3 years ago from Marion, Indiana, USA Author

Thank you Doodlehead for dropping by and reading my hub.


Jynzly profile image

Jynzly 3 years ago from Marion, Indiana, USA Author

Doodlehead,

Thank you Doodlehead for dropping by and reading my hub.


Ericdierker profile image

Ericdierker 3 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

jyznly, I usually don't get such bad feedback on my comments, but since I did I came back and reread everything again. I really looked hard for your love.

I stand by my original comment. Good luck to you.


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 3 years ago

Jynzly, There is nothing in any of my comments that suggest (you) accept my opinion nor have I said anything negative about (you). In fact I clearly state this is (one man's opinion) and I simply explain (my thoughts) about jealousy. And of course I was talking about (my) experiences! There was no attack on you or your feelings! Just because someone disagrees with you or doesn't share your same values doesn't mean they are out to offend you! It's an interesting topic with opposing views. Life is a personal journey!


Doodlehead profile image

Doodlehead 3 years ago from Northern California

I am with you, Jynzly! Your first husband earned your jealously. Period.


Jynzly profile image

Jynzly 3 years ago from Marion, Indiana, USA Author

Ericdierker,

Take easy with your judgment of me, you don't know the whole story and I don't need to write it in this hub. I had written a lot of hubs concerning my first marriage. This statement from you "You appear to be selfish and only thing of yourself" is very strong from someone ignorant of who I am in person to judge. No, I won't be mad but to call me selfish and thinking only of myself based on what you read in this hub is an outright ignorant judgement and condemnation of my person.


Jynzly profile image

Jynzly 3 years ago from Marion, Indiana, USA Author

Ericdierker,

Take easy with your judgment of me, you don't know the whole story and I don't need to write it in this hub. I had written a lot of hubs concerning my first marriage. This statement from you "You appear to be selfish and only thing of yourself" is very strong from someone ignorant of who I am in person to judge. No, I won't be mad but to call me selfish and thinking only of myself based on what you read in this hub is an outright ignorant judgement and condemnation of my person.


Ericdierker profile image

Ericdierker 3 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

I read it and the comments. I was flabbergasted at the lack of mention of what you did to attract him. You are all so right and noble, but I see such a lack of love in you that I quiver. I would venture that your children follow him as they may.

You appear to be selfish and only thing of yourself.


Jynzly profile image

Jynzly 3 years ago from Marion, Indiana, USA Author

dashingscorpio,

That is your reasoning based on your own experience and situation in life and relationship. You may be right as far as your reasoning applies to your situation and personal experience, you cannot impose your opinion to others who have completely different experience with you. You cannot say I got no wisdom in dealing with my relationship just because I am a jealous wife in this third marriage and I don't have to explain. I trust myself more than I could ever trust others whose opinions do not apply to my real life situation in a given phase of my life. Age has nothing to do when it comes to the real me. My situation is different from yours.


Jynzly profile image

Jynzly 3 years ago from Marion, Indiana, USA Author

dashingscorpio,

That is your reasoning based on your own experience and situation in life and relationship. You may be right as far as your reasoning applies to your situation and personal experience, you cannot impose your opinion to others who have completely different experience with you. You cannot say I got no wisdom in dealing with my relationship just because I am a jealous wife in this third marriage and I don't have to explain. I trust myself more than I could ever trust others whose opinions do not apply to my real life situation in a given phase of my life. Age has nothing to do when it comes to the real me. My situation is different from yours.


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 3 years ago

No one I know of would deny jealousy exists! I'm just saying very often when one gets to be a (certain age) their view of the world changes. Wisdom brings insight. They tend to take into account all the aspects and do some introspective thinking prior to jumping to conclusions.

Some people confuse jealousy with love and may even feel if their mate doesn't get jealous it means they don't really care about them. Others feel if you are in a loving trustworthy relationship there is no room for jealousy. I suppose all that really matters is the two people involved love and accept each other's personalities! As I said when I was younger I had more of a jealous rage. However (today) I have no need for drama or worry in my life. If my wife started acting a fool by being jealous for (no reason) it would turn me off and if she gave me a reason to feel she could not be trusted I would move on. Thankfully God has made 7 billion people to inhabit this world. Odds are there is "someone" for everyone! :-)


Jynzly profile image

Jynzly 3 years ago from Marion, Indiana, USA Author

dashingscorpio,

First thank you for reading my hub. Yes, everybody is entitled to his opinion and opinions are as many as there are thinking population in this world. I would neither agree nor disagree. It is true that there are people who never feel jealousy but it does not mean that jealousy is non-existent in them, they just don't feel it or are just not aware of it and never had given a thought for it. Red is a color that a born blind can not see but just because he cannot see it then red is not anymore a real color. The fact that many, if not most people experience jealousy regardless of whether they admit it or suppress it only proves that jealousy is a valid emotion of humans. Whether they are controlled by this emotion to a point of making it bad or express jealousy to keep the flame of love burning is a personal discretion. People are scared of drama in life not realizing that life per se is a drama whether you have a role in it or just be mere spectator.


Jynzly profile image

Jynzly 3 years ago from Marion, Indiana, USA Author

dashingscorpio,

First thank you for reading my hub. Yes, everybody is entitled to his opinion and opinions are as many as there are thinking population in this world. I would neither agree nor disagree. It is true that there are people who never feel jealousy but it does not mean that jealousy is non-existent in them, they just don't feel it or are just not aware of it and never had given a thought for it. Red is a color that a born blind can not see but just because he cannot see it then it red is not anymore a real color. Te fact that many, if not most people experience jealousy regardless of whether they admit it or suppress it only proves that jealousy is a valid emotion of humans. Whether they are controlled by this emotion to a point of making it bad or use jealousy to keep the flame of love burning is a personal discretion. People are scared of drama in life because not realizing that life per se is a drama whether you have a role or a mere spectator.


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 3 years ago

I honestly believe there are people who feel they have no reason to be jealous in their relationship or marriage. Maybe they are being naïve or possibly taking their mate for granted. However the fact remains they actually don't feel jealousy.

For me personally when I was younger I did have a jealous streak primarily due to my (not trusting) the person I loved was as "in love" with me as I was with them. Each of us has these beliefs that if someone loves us (they will say this, do that, or act this way) and when they don't we question their level of commitment to us. It goes without saying if your mate enjoys flirting with other people or pulls disappearing acts without providing an excuse then you have reason to be jealous or suspect they are cheating.

Having said that I believe when you are in your 40s, 50s, 60s and beyond the whole jealousy/drama stuff fades by the wayside. It's not about wanting to appear "positive" or deny feelings in your heart. You simply don't invest time and energy into things you have no control of. If you were married to a movie star and women or men were throwing themselves at your mate is that any reason to be jealous? To be upset with your mate? or fly off the handle at everyone that shows interest in your mate? I personally would be turned off if my spouse flew into a rage over such things and if I didn't trust my wife I would drop kick her to the curb! I'm too old to be playing games or worrying if someone that is close to me is trustworthy. I've never had a fear of "starting over". I don't think that makes me more superior than another person. I just choose to spend my free time thinking about other things. One man's opinion! :-)

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