You Have A Good Life Yet Feel Lonely - Why ?

Woman walking alone.
Woman walking alone. | Source

Why am I lonely ?

You Have a Good Life Yet Feel Lonely - Why? This hub is in response to the question DDE asked. Her question is "Why does one sometimes feel isolated or lonely even though there are people around them?"

Self love and a spiritual path ~

I did not have to think long about Devika's question, for I have given an answer to many people who asked the same question. I am a spiritual coach/mentor and the question I most often get is: "I have a good life, a good marriage/relationship, lots of friends, yet I am lonely. WHY?"

My answer is always the same. One can be surrounded by people every day, even be in a good marriage - yet the feeling of loneliness stems from the lack of spiritual love and respect for Self. To be one's true self and be fulfilled in life, it is so important to find love for self and to know the right spiritual path for you in life. Each person is unique, so needs to find their own path. The lack of knowing one's self and not feeling love for self, causes a void within - hence the feeling of loneliness stays with that person.

It is important to understand what Self Love is. It is respect, understanding, and acceptance of one's self. When everything about you makes you feel good, that is Self Love.

Go within ~

To find love for yourself, it is necessary to go within. Most often, the reply I get to that is, "What do you mean? Go within what?"

Often, that question is not asked in a calm, quiet manner. The people who call me for help are usually frustrated, sad, confused, or even angry - so, it is natural to reply in a manner that reflects their mood and need for help.

In order to help a person in that situation, one must stay calm and have compassion. To go within means to find a place of solitude and calm yourself, relax. Solitude does not mean alone in your room with a bottle of alcohol to drown your sorrow. It simply means to find a place where you can be alone and focus only on you. Relax, get comfortable and let your mind come to a stillness. Let go of all else outside of you. This is all about you.

When all is quiet then listen to the voice of your soul.

Relax and calm your mind ~

Quiet your mind, let all else outside of you go.
Quiet your mind, let all else outside of you go. | Source

How to listen to the voice of your soul ~

To listen to the voice of your soul is to confront your loneliness and get in touch with the feelings this brings up within you.

Ask yourself questions. "Why do I feel alone when I have others around me?", may be the first question you might think of. Quiet your mind when you feel that emptiness and flow with it. What is that void? What causes the emptiness?

Think about the one person you love the most and get in touch with those feelings. Does that fill the deep void within you? It most likely will not if you do not love yourself. Gently push the thoughts of all others out of your mind and focus on yourself.

Is it being selfish to think only of yourself at this time? No - it is not ! If you have no love for yourself, you cannot give fully to the people who are important in your life.

Love of self sends out more love ~

Like ripples in water love sends out a message of love.
Like ripples in water love sends out a message of love. | Source

To give fully of yourself ~

To give fully of yourself to others, you must first give fully to yourself and become the true person you are.

Think about your qualities, the way you treat yourself, the way you care for yourself. Do you have as much compassion for yourself as you do others? Or, do you give, give, give, without leaving anything for yourself?

Do you live the way others want you to live? Or, do you live the way that is right for you? Does all your joy and happiness come from outside yourself -- causing yourself to feel that emptiness? Is it material things that make you happy?

Do you wait for others to praise you and accept you to feel worthy and loved? Do you deeply love others in order to be accepted and loved?

There are so many questions to ask yourself during this time and the list may seem endless. One major question to ask yourself is, "Has anything in my past, or my childhood made me feel unworthy of loving myself?"

Forget not that you are unique and worthy of love.

Forget not thy self ~

Forget-Me-Not flowers
Forget-Me-Not flowers | Source

Look at your past ~

Look at your past as deeply as you can. Try to find times when you felt unloved and lonely. Then stay with that till you understand why you felt that way and what feelings it brought up in you.

Look at the person you were at that time when you felt unloved. What did you do? Did you try to be the way someone wanted you to be, so that person would love you? Think about it. If possible, talk out loud about it, as if you are talking to that person who berated you or shunned you.

You have the power to rise above the words of others who criticized you unfairly because they would not, or could not, see and accept you for who you are. It is a healing thing to know that those who try to break you down have some inner turmoil within their own self - rather than accept and confront their own issues, they find satisfaction in making others feel bad.

Stop letting people of the past who tried to break you down continue to have control over you. Even if the one who made you feel bad about yourself is now dead, their words of the past can still control you if you allow it. Let them go, reach out for your own truths and shine forth.

You have more good qualities than you may realize. Open to yourself, like the lotus flower, embrace yourself, love yourself.

Be like the sacred lotus and open to yourself ~

Lotus flower
Lotus flower | Source

Please watch this video -- he says it all ....

Your belief system ~

What is your belief system? Are you religious, have a faith? Are you atheist, agnostic, Buddhist, Christian, Pagan, Jewish, or other religion? Does this faith system fulfill you?

My belief is that nothing will completely fulfill you till you accept and love yourself. When you become all you can be, it is then that your faith, your life and all you surround yourself with will be fulfilling.

Regardless of your beliefs in matters of religion or faith, it is possible to find your own spirituality -- which is your inner belief and faith in yourself. And learning to love yourself for who you are, will open the way for others to love you even more.

When others see you accept and love yourself, you are giving them the gift of your true self and also opening them to their own true self.

~ ~ ~ ~

We must become the change we want to see.

— Gandhi

Reflection meditation ~

Become who you truly are
Become who you truly are | Source

Note from author ~

Thank you DDE, for asking this question and inspiring me to write this hub.

Dear Readers, thank you for reading my article. Your opinions are important to me and let me know your interests. This helps me to offer more of your favorite subjects to read about. Your time and interest are very much appreciated. I hope to hear from you in the comments section below.

I write on several different subjects, all evergreen articles. You can read more about me and see more articles I wrote by clicking on my name by the small picture of me at the top right of this page.

Blessings and may you always walk in peace and harmony.

Phyllis Doyle Burns - Lantern Carrier, Spiritual Mentor
~ ~ ~ ~


© 2013 Phyllis Doyle Burns

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Comments 12 comments

sheilamyers 3 years ago

Interesting hub. You've given some things to think about. There are times I feel so alone and I'm wondering if it has to do with not really knowing myself. Thanks for writing the hub and showing me I probably need some deep self-inspection.


Phyllis Doyle profile image

Phyllis Doyle 3 years ago from High desert of Nevada. Author

Sheila, I feel so good that this hub has brought something to you -- this is one of my purposes in life, to help others open to themselves. Thank you so much for the visit and comment, I really appreciate it. Have fun getting to know yourself, you will find much within you that is good.


dghbrh profile image

dghbrh 3 years ago from ...... a place beyond now and beyond here !!!

Very though provoking hub. Loved reading this one. Its a great reply to an equally great question from DDE. Even same case with me, i do feel lonely among all that others may crave for in life. But then let me tell you I always do enjoy being alone, simply being me. And the 'me time' is very much needed for me. Exactly as you said, I love to self inspect and think and go deep within. I simply love to enjoy the silence around. Thank you for this wonderful hub. Sharing and votes way up.


Phyllis Doyle profile image

Phyllis Doyle 3 years ago from High desert of Nevada. Author

Oh my gosh, dghbrh! You have just brought so much joy to me with your comment. I am so happy for you, my new friend, that you do this for yourself (loving yourself and going within, finding your special time with YOU). I am very glad my hub has found its way to you. Thank you so much for the visit and comment. I truly appreciate it.


vespawoolf profile image

vespawoolf 3 years ago from Peru, South America

This is a beautiful answer to DDE's question. I agree that loneliness stems from a deficiency inside of us. We need to do a self-examination and get to the root of the problem. These are very thought-provoking points. Thank you!


Phyllis Doyle profile image

Phyllis Doyle 3 years ago from High desert of Nevada. Author

vespawoolf, thank you so much for the visit and comment. You are right that we need to do a self-examination and get to the root of the problem -- only then can we go forward. Thanks again.


CraftytotheCore profile image

CraftytotheCore 2 years ago

Phyllis, what a great Hub. I once knew a woman who was struggling in her marriage. I went to her house because she had surgery. A group of us were bringing her food during her recovery. When I walked in her home, I was overcome by a feeling of emptiness. I suddenly felt sad. Her energy was so profound, I picked up on it right away.

That being said, years later, I watched this woman transform. After going through a divorce and a series of bad relationships afterward, she is now working in a job she loves. Her health is much better. And I did notice she felt more confident in herself. I can truly see how feeling lonely can come from not loving oneself as it did in this particular situation that I witnessed.


Phyllis Doyle profile image

Phyllis Doyle 2 years ago from High desert of Nevada. Author

Crafty, thank you for the visit and praise. I really appreciate this. I know it happens all too often that the reason people are lonely is because they do not know and love their own self. Thank you so much for sharing your story about your friend. I am happy to know she found her way, her Self. Thanks again, Crafty.


Chuck Bluestein profile image

Chuck Bluestein 2 years ago from Morristown, AZ, USA

People feel lonely because they do not know the Self. If they knew the Self, they would love the Self. Self is capitalized since it is Divine. Hundreds of years before Jesus was born Socrates said "Know thyself." Yes you need to go within to know yourself.


Phyllis Doyle profile image

Phyllis Doyle 2 years ago from High desert of Nevada. Author

Chuck, hello again. Thanks for reading and commenting on this hub, I appreciate it. I so agree with you -- Socrates was right.


Stacie L profile image

Stacie L 13 months ago

Too many of us raised in Western society,are told to reach for things outside of ourselves,to feel good.

Get a good education,get a good paycheck,get a home,get a family and friends,and you will be successful.

Success is often defined to the number of processions and not equal to happiness . People feel isolated in this technological world. I think you bring up good points and we must encourage children to find their inner happiness through self love.

I enjoyed this. ;-)


Phyllis Doyle profile image

Phyllis Doyle 13 months ago from High desert of Nevada. Author

Hi Stacie. You are so right about Western society. It is important that we "encourage children to find their inner happiness through self love." Thank you for reading and commenting.

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