I Have Loved You For Six Years
My love ~
I have loved you for six years.
Six years of my heart soaring at the sound of your voice, melting at the sight of you. Moments of absolute exhilaration because you entered my presence. Craving your return at every departure. Cherishing every word, every glance, every smile. Six years of my heart beating a little differently just because you are there ~ beating out a rhythm that belongs to only you.
I fell in love with you. That has never changed. You do not tell me how you feel about me. It makes me wonder what in the world is in your mind and your heart. It makes me wonder why I tolerate your silence on this. You look at me with that sweet face, and then you keep your words. What am I worth to you? What do I mean to you? I know the sexual desire, we both have that, but what about your heart? A cold chill creeps across my skin when I consider, maybe you don’t have feelings for me. I don’t believe that to be the case, but I don’t want to guess. I want to know. I want to hear you telling me. I feel it when we’re together ~ but I really need to hear the words.
I love, love, love you. I conceal it from the world. It boils over, and I push it back inside. It's the second loneliest feeling in the world, second only to not having you at all. I am a woman who loves you. Body and soul. And I am tired of looking at you and being afraid to ask you what you feel for me. I wonder why you don’t tell me. You have chosen your life to be as it is. You included me in that choice almost from the beginning of the choice you made to marry someone else. Such as we are, you still chose to include me in your life in a deeply personal and intimate way. It’s very personal to me.
My love for you is amazing, and I am sure of it. I’ve never been more sure about anything in my life. I still want you as I always have. I never planned on this. I never planned to love you like this. Love is as painful as it is precious. I wonder what you think when you read my words. Words from my heart. I wonder if you think I’m crazy to love you the way I do.
There are days when I see you having trying times, and I want to put my arms around you, wrap myself around you, and shield you from it all. I want you to bury yourself in me and, for a few moments, escape together. That’s a fantasy of mine. Sometimes I want us to talk about whatever is burdening each of us, even if that is stuff on your home front that you and I don’t seem to talk much about. I am here for you. I love you. I want to be a source of encouragement and patience, and a soft place for you to fall. I want to hold you, and I want to rest in your arms.
These words are my heart revealed to you. I always feel this way. This is my honesty. No matter what ever happens in our lives, I am always going to love you.
© 2012 Bella Nina
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