I Love My Curves
Big Girl, in a Small-Minded World
I have lost and gained so much weight over the last few years, and even though I have lost some weight I am still what some would refer to as the plump, chubby, or yes, even the fat chick. I use to cringe every time someone called me those things, but now it does not bother me. I feel so good about myself now that what other people think of my body does not matter to me.
At my highest weight my life seemed so awful, I couldn't even walk through the mall without getting disgusted looks or rude comments. Everyone I ran into treated me as if me being fat was interfering with their live, it got pretty bad. I spent many a sleepless night crying, and praying that God would one day make me skinny so the all name calling would stop.
I mean how in the world did people think calling me a fat cow, would help make me want to lose weight. When someone is depressed the last thing they want to do is eat lettuce or exercise. Me being fat was mainly my fault, with a little extra help from my PCOS, but I sure didn't like being treated like I had some kind of plague. I mean I can't even count how many people accused me of being lazy, just because I was fat.
I have been on dozens of diets, and exercise plans over the years. None of them ever worked except my current regimen of yoga, paired with some low-impact aerobics, and a few healthy eating habits. All those strict, low-calorie diets ever did was make me sick and hungry, and the strenuous exercises made my joints ache. Most of the time, I would last about a week or two, at the most.
The main thing that changed my life, and the way I feel about my body, has to do with me changing the way I let others opinions and harsh words bother me. Below I will be going over how I made the emotional journey that finally lead me down the path I needed to be on, in order to learn to love my body regardless of what others may think.
Changing for Myself
One morning, while I was sitting around having myself a random pity party. I realized that I needed to put a stop to living my life the way I was living it. My daily routine consisted of doing everything that was making me miserable to begin with and I had to make a change.
Not only was I letting my weight, and poor self-image destroy what little confidence I had, it was also controlling my personal life as well. My relationships were horrible, I went from one abusive relationship to the next. I also allowed myself to be placed in some pretty messed up situations due to me thinking I could not do any better.
I realized that for me to be treated like the woman I truly was, I had to start taking everything negative out of my life, so I did. Little by little I starting taking everything that was hurting me or causing me some type of distress, out of my life.
Throwing Out the Baggage, Losing the Spare Tire
The first thing I started with was my body, I knew that diets were pretty much useless. So I chose to make healthier choices instead of dieting. The weight started falling off like crazy, which was when I realized that in order to lose weight all I really needed to do was eat sensibly.
I also decided to add a little exercise to my daily routine, which was so much more fun than sitting in my bedroom and crying all night. Yoga and low-impact workouts are what I usually do, but I sometimes add in some heavier workouts as well.
Taking control of my weight was not as hard, as I use to make it seem. The real problem was that I use to want to lose weight to please others, and not myself in order to be able to make changes you plan on sticking with, this is something you have to do for yourself.
Realizing My Opinion is the Only One That Matters
The next thing I needed to change was how I let others make me feel about myself. I did this by learning to embrace the fact that others views, and opinions about me are their problem, and not mine.
This one was a hard one to adjust to at first, but before I knew it, I was finding myself not really caring what others thought about me. I even talked to a few of the people that would give me dirty looks in the mall. I found that their whole demeanor would change, once I greeted them with a friendly smile, and said hello.
Getting Rid of the Scum in My Life
After losing some weight, and gaining a little confidence, I knew i needed to end any and every toxic relationship I had in my life. I was literally dropping so-called friends like flies, anyone who was using, or abusing me was out of my life.
I knew in order for me to be happy, I couldn't have anyone in it, that would keep me from being the best me I could be. Which is why I was single for sometime, until I met my husband. I only let positive people in my life now.
Loving Myself, and My Body
The last thing I needed to change was the way I felt about myself. Even though I had lost a ton of weight, I am still a little chubby. I needed to learn to love myself, and the body I have. I started embracing my curves and loving myself, and I realized just how fantastic I began to feel.
It has took me some time to get to this point, and I wouldn't trade this feeling for anything. I finally love my body, every single curve, and lump. I know how hard I worked to get the body I have now, and nobody else can ever change that.
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