I Married A Moron

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I admit it. I married a moron. When I confessed this to my best friend Angel, she admitted that she had done the same thing. Thus began our exclusive club appropriately named IMAM, which is short for I Married A Moron.

The true moment of realization came to me as we were driving to Florida on our honeymoon. I have no idea what the disagreement was about. Our disagreements always ended up with us laughing anyway. I simply am not the type to stay mad and hold a grudge. I'd rather laugh.

So somewhere along the long drive on our honeymoon, he did something typically stupid (mind you, I don't claim to be a genius myself). In utter exasperation, I said to him " You know what? YOU are a moron!". He looked at me with righteous indignation and fired back "Well, YOU knew THAT when you married me!".

Oh my gosh, he was right! What a brilliant answer on his part! It was stunningly clever because it acknowledged that I was right, but that it was all my fault anyway. I still marvel at the beauty of his that particular comment of his. I had to laugh because it was the perfect answer.

That remark of his was the beginning of the IMAM club.Angel and I shared many observations about our mates and the things they did that baffled us and annoyed us. My own husband simply couldn't get the hang of how to run a washing machine, yet could fly a plane. Hers was a noted chef who had his own cooking school but managed to lock his keys in his car at least once a month.

When I was in labor with our son, it was determined that I needed an emergency C-section. Out of concern, I asked my husband if he would be ok with seeing me cut open like that. He replied "Sure, I've seen a deer gutted before". Ummm what?!?? Where is the comparison between those two situations? He now denies that statement but I have witnesses.

Upon hearing that a hurricane was heading our way and that we must stock up on supplies, Angel's husband panicked and said " Hurry, you must go get beer and condoms!". Really? Those are the necessities of life?

Membership in IMAM allowed us the joy of reveling in our spouses idiocy and our own. Every stupid thing they did (or stupid thing we had done) translated into a hilarious conversation between us over what idiocy had happened. It was hard to be annoyed with the things they did when in the back of our minds we were thinking " Oh my gosh, wait till I tell this IMAM story!"

We both eventually divorced those spouses but membership in IMAM is forever. The memories, stories and the laughter over our experiences lasts forever too.

A man wrote Hanzi wondering what his girfriend's tattoo meant. I'm sure he wasn't happy with the answer: 夫 (man/husband), 首 (head/neck), 空 (empty/void) = "I married a moron."
A man wrote Hanzi wondering what his girfriend's tattoo meant. I'm sure he wasn't happy with the answer: 夫 (man/husband), 首 (head/neck), 空 (empty/void) = "I married a moron."

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Comments 12 comments

Ask Ashley profile image

Ask Ashley 4 years ago from California

Oh my goodness. This little hub was delightfully funny!! I definitely laughed out loud more than once and you already had me eager to read it by the title. LOL. Sorry to hear the marriage didn't last, but at least the laughter did. :)


MichelleRobert profile image

MichelleRobert 4 years ago from Southern Bayou Author

Thanks Ashley! It is the fact that I have a sense of humor that has gotten me thru life. I've been thru a hugely dysfunction, a divorce, hurricane Katrina, the death of a fiancé and a million other calamities and I always see the humor somewhere. I am so thankful for that.


Diana Lee profile image

Diana Lee 4 years ago from Potter County, Pa.

I love this. Voted up.


MichelleRobert profile image

MichelleRobert 4 years ago from Southern Bayou Author

Thanks Diana, that made my day!


Thundermama profile image

Thundermama 4 years ago from Canada

What a fantastic outlook on life you have! I loved this hub it gave me a laugh and reminded me to love my own moron a little more. Beer and condoms for hurricane prep, priceless. Voted up and sharing.


ananceleste profile image

ananceleste 4 years ago from California

This is pure gold! There should be a chapter of IMAM in every town. I know I would join. Voted up and sharing everywhere!


tsmog profile image

tsmog 4 years ago from Escondido, CA

Awesome for sure, and funny as can be. Smiling now, I wonder of epsilon, and a brave new world it is. Thank you for sharing what is writ as wit (once are is subtracted or hearing Captain Jack say R, R) oh my, you have loosed the spirit or was it the friendly Angel. Along those lines, remembering about the grade C, did you know according to the theory of pregnancy you are a newborn? With that I say, "Ain't Life Grand?" I see this may be unconventional, yet I encourage all to read and see what was just said to cause this loosening of the spirit.

tim


klarawieck 4 years ago

Yes, Yes! You must do a follow up to this hub, more IMAM hubs, please! Shhh... don't tell anyone... I'm married to one, but I'd never say it to his face. I love him too much to hurt his ego that way. But, sometimes I just look at him and think, "Wow! For real?!" Where do they get the material?


mio cid profile image

mio cid 4 years ago from Uruguay

I hate to rain on your parade but every woman on the planet has married a moron ,I really don't see how you can have a club that everybody is a member of,that would be like men having a club for the IMAWWCHAGTTEOT (I married a woman who can hold a grudge till the end of time)


Ciel Clark profile image

Ciel Clark 4 years ago from USA

Love it. Great hub and very very funny.


Electro-Denizen profile image

Electro-Denizen 4 years ago from Wales, UK

I'm a moron :-). But I'm happy with that. I 'changed' our baby boy once and forgot to put a diaper on him. Now how's that for a certain level of retardation? Morons have a hard time in life, no matter how hard one tries to become un-moronic, every attempt just makes things worse!


LongTimeMother profile image

LongTimeMother 3 years ago from Australia

I managed to just chuckle quietly until I read Electro-Denizen's comment about forgetting the diaper. That was the icing on the cake and I shook the house with laughter. My poor family was trying to sleep. Good luck to them, I'm still laughing out loud. I'll show them why in the morning. Great hub, thank you.

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