ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

I Question My Self Worth

Updated on September 1, 2010

"Damn!," I thought to myself as the end of my heel broke off on the hard pavement. I shouldn't have been running on with my high heels on but I just wanted to get away. Away from him. The love of my life. My dress already stained from the salt and muck smeared on me from the side of that car I piled into as I bolted out of the apartment into the street. I don't even know where I'm going. He confuses me so. He picks on everything about me. If I dress right, if I look right, if I get somewhere on time... I know I'm lucky to have him but I'm just so... so... I don't know what I am. A fuck up. Can't keep a job at a lousy local tavern. Even though it was full of jerks who pawed at me and still left lousy tips. The same jerks my boyfriend is jealous of. Who would be "in the mood" after a night at that bar?

There's Mike sitting by the window of Starbucks. By himself again. What the hell. I need a place to think anyway. He's always glad to see me, the poor guy. He's not ugly but definitely not my type. He's so sweet though. Maybe he can cool me off before I go back to the apartment? I wish I had my own place more and more these days. I'm not even sure how I ended up living with Tom. It seemed so wonderful once. Mike always says what a nice smile I have. He laughs at my silly thoughts. He really listens. if I could just stick him inside of Tom!

Tom thinks my jokes are stupid. That I'm stupid. And I am. I barely got out of high school which is why I'm working at that lousy bar. Or was. I'm suppose to come home from a job like that with a smile on? Ready to jump in the sack once he's finished his video game? That's a good ten minutes for him I'm sure and then he's off hacking at demons again. Maybe HE should get a job? He's actually told me I'm worthless. And I pay the rent.

Look at Mike though, sitting alone happily. He's always so happy to see me. I've known him since like 5th grade. He has a crush on me, I'm sure. Even though, I basically ignored him in high school, he's still the same to me. He thinks I'm beautiful. He thinks I'm funny. He thinks I'm sweet. He likes everything about me, unlike Tom.

But if I go in, we'll get talking and laughing like we always do. I'll lose track of time and by the time I want to go home there will be hell to pay with Tom. Where you been!?!? I should just turn around and go home. Mike actually looks pretty cute sitting there too. It's so easy with him. He doesn't want anything from me. He just likes my company. I'm not sure why. I hadn't really noticed, but he IS kind of attractive, actually. He's one of those guys who doesn't look so great at first but grows on you. But I can't. I have to go home. I'm just gonna head home.

Orianthi - According To You

For more on the artist who inspired this short story see:  http://www.orianthi.com

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

"Hey Mike, can I sit down?"

"Of course! What's up? You look a mess. Is your shoe broke? Come on and have a cup of coffee with me. I could use some company. I was just thinking about you, actually, and again."

"Thanks. I'd love a coffee with you. I'd like to talk to you about a few things... things that are just now crossing my mind. Plus, I need to call a few girlfriends. I'm going to need a new place to stay. Tom and I are over."

"Sure, sure... that's no problem. I hope everything is ok. Not sorry to hear that. I hope you mean it. I've never said it before but you are way to good for him. Seriously. Let's go get you a coffee. Everything will be fine..."

working

This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://corp.maven.io/privacy-policy

Show Details
Necessary
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Features
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Marketing
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Statistics
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)