I Said, You Said

Mike's Common Sense

Everyone is probably familiar with the phrase "he said, she said", in which a couple is fighting and neither can see anything from the other person's point of view. Each person is so wrapped up in their thoughts, and feelings, that it is impossible to see that each person is correct, and each person is wrong; all at the same time.

This situation is true, not only with inter-sexual relationships, but with all conflicts in general. The reason for this is the inability to empathize outside ourselves. Empathy is the ability, or rather the gift, to be able to put yourself in someone's position, and feel their feelings. It is a sign of higher development in one's spiritual growth.

No one does something without a reason. Empathy is not an agreement with someone else, it is a knowing of where someone else stands and why. It is the ability to understand, and perhaps feel what the other person feels. When both sides of a dispute, or conflict, open themselves to empathize with the other side; resolution is the inevitable ending. This usually comes about in a form of compromise between the two parties.

When there is no attempt, or an inability to empathize, hostility is the inevitable result. In the case of two nations, this means war; in the case of interpersonal relationships this means a divorce, or violence. These are the situations where everybody loses.

Sadly, empathy is not taught in our schools. Most people have to learn it by trial, and error. Some people never learn it.

The next time you find yourself in a dispute, take a time out, and try to see things from the other person's point of view. Chances are, the other person will reciprocate. That's when everybody wins.

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Comments 9 comments

G-Ma Johnson profile image

G-Ma Johnson 7 years ago from NW in the land of the Free

Time out...seems more adults need them these days and you nailed this one for sure...I liked it...Thanks G-Ma :O) Hugs

Feline Prophet profile image

Feline Prophet 7 years ago from India

It's so much easier to blame another than stop and wonder where they are coming from, isn't it?

trish1048 profile image

trish1048 7 years ago

hi muley,

I am an empathetic person.  However, I don't believe it is something that can be learned.  I believe you are either born with it or not.  The same, I also believe, with common sense.  Either you have it or you don't.

Now that I'm in my older years, I have become much better at walking away.  Not that I'm confrontational, far from it.  But I do try to take deep breaths, while listening to the other person with both ears open.  I find it is much more helpful to take a moment, or even hours, to think about what occurred, then go back to it in a more rational state of mind.  Most of the time it works.

One thing I absolutely hate is when say, the issue du jour is about money ( a volatile subject by itself), and then the other person then brings up past arguments to throw into the mix.  For every disagreement or argument, there needs to be a beginning, a middle and an end.  Far too often and in too many cases, there is never an end, and so the cycle repeats itself.  It seems that the consequence is never doled out, and is left to linger, only to be brought up over and over again.  My feeling is that this somehow stems from parenting, where the parent says, you're grounded for a month, then, two days later, they forgot they said that and things go on as before.

In a perfect world, there would always be calmness and resolution.  But, not in our lifetime.

muley84 profile image

muley84 7 years ago from Miami,FL Author

Hi Trish, thanks for your thought filled comment. I do believe empathy can be learned, but first we need to learn to take our personal blinders off and notice that other people have needs and feelings. The hard part is not focusing on your needs and feelings all of the time. We can learn to relate to others, when we truly start to care about others. It all starts with learning to love your self.

trish1048 profile image

trish1048 7 years ago

I hear you about the personal blinders. Far too many people are self-focused, and have adopted the attitude 'it's all about me, me, me'. Wrong. Stepping outside ones self is sometimes difficult when you're in the middle of something. I have even noticed in children, when it is explained to them to not do something because it isn't nice, and ask them how they would feel if it happened to them, they don't seem to get it. They are too caught up in their feeling slighted or hurt, and don't hear a word you say. It is with great hope that once the situation has calmed down, that they can then think about what happened and try to put themselves in someone else's place.

Also, learning to love ones self is not an easy undertaking. Especially for those who were raised in negativity, like being told you're not good enough, you didn't try hard enough, or, why can't you be like so and so? It takes a strong person to deflect that kind of thinking and criticism, and still come out on top.

muley84 profile image

muley84 7 years ago from Miami,FL Author

you are so right Trish! It is perhaps the hardest lesson to learn, the lesson to love yourself. All religions have some kind of built in shame, or guilt factor worked into their followers, that it is very hard to realize it is all bull shit to try and keep you under their control. If you can learn to love yourself, and accept yourself; you have the hardest problem solved. Only by learning to love yourself can you really learn how to love others in the same way God does. peace, mike

trish1048 profile image

trish1048 7 years ago

hi muley,

Not only in religion but in parents as well.  Who, when you come down to it probably learned it from their religion anyway.  Sad to say, it worked far too often. 

Irene 5 years ago

Empathy is also a sign of maturity. Even nations can act like spoiled children. Great post! Sort of a "stop and smell the roses, but instead of slowing down for life, slow down and try to experience someone else's life.

muley84 profile image

muley84 5 years ago from Miami,FL Author

Hi Irene! I agree with you. Thanks for the kind words, and the twitter boost. Mike

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