I got raped by a close friend

No more Mr. nice guy

 

In the past whenever I thought of rape I always envisioned it happened in a dark place. I imagined it would be very violent and physically painful. But when it happened to me...my brain wouldn't process it. I told myself it didn't happen, and acted like it didn't.

I had known this friend of mine for a couple of years. Even though from time to time he made it known to me that he wanted to be more than friends, he was respectful. He was very sweet and very kind. He knew I didn't see him that way. We would talk to each other about different people we were dating, we would hang out from time to time and have a blast. We even slept in the same bed on different occasions, and he NEVER made a move. He was so respectful.

On this particular night I went to visit him and play cards with him and his friends. Every once in a while he would mention to me that he wasn't playing that "nice guy" role anymore.

"No more Mr. nice guy." he would say with a smile.

We were all having such a good time joking, laughing, drinking and getting intoxicated...I really didn't pay attention to this comment. I just laughed and replied,

"You're so silly."

I was too wasted to drive, so he told me I could stay at his house. When we got to his house I crashed in his bed with my clothes and coat on. I didn't think anything of laying in the same bed with him. I had done it before and nothing happened, little did I know this time was going to be a little different. I took my coat off but kept all my clothes on. He started rubbing on me. I told him to stop.

"No more Mr. nice guy." he said. I thought that was funny because he was such a nice guy and I couldn't imagine him being the opposite.

Now he was getting more aggressive. Groping me in between my legs and kissing on me. I kept pushing him off and telling him to stop. In the back of my head I'm wondering, "What in the world got into him?.....oh, he's been drinking" So I blamed his behavior on the alcohol, even still I kept saying no and pushing him off of me. He then grabbed my jeans and started  pulling them off. I was holding on to them as tight as I could...but he was stronger.  I was laughing in disbelief,

"Are you serious? Stop I don't want to do anything.I'm too drunk to fight you back so please stop."

I wasn't taking him serious. In my eyes he was no threat. He was my friend...who apparently had too much to drink. He started pinning me down so I couldn't move. He told me, "You know you want it." And then he penetrated inside of me. My brain wouldn't compute what was going on. I just felt weak, defenseless and I guess I went into shock. I would go from just laying there out of exhaustion to pushing him off of me until he finally got the message and stopped. That was a part of me I never intended on giving him.

The next day I acted like nothing happened. I even hung out with him and acted normal. He mentioned what happened and told me I wanted it as bad as he did. I told him I didn't and changed the subject. I just wanted to look at him the way I had always looked at him...as a nice guy. A couple of days after the incident images started flooding my head and I started thinking about it. I still didn't want to accept what happened. I talked to some friends,talked about it anonymously in forums and everybody was saying the same thing..."honey he raped you." I'm tearing up as I'm writing this. The word "RAPE" sounds so harsh and so violent. I didn't want to associate it with myself or him. I had sent him a message telling him he crossed the line and that I felt sad and that our relationship couldn't go on. He apologized and said he felt like shit and never meant to violate me. But when it's all said and done...he got what he wanted.

Everyone told me to press charges, have him jumped...but all I wanted to do was forget that it happened, because I kept finding reasons to blame myself. The lesson that I learned is that as women...we have to be very careful and very cautious of our surroundings and never put ourselves in a position where we can't defend ourselves...if we can help it. At times I still cry about it and  feel angry and guilty.  I encourage everyone who has dealt with this to talk to someone. Do what you feel is best for you. If you need to cry, cry. If you need to scream let it out. If you decide to press charges do that... but whatever you do don't blame yourself, because it's not your fault.

Comments 13 comments

akuigla profile image

akuigla 5 years ago

It was not your fault,you were just asking for some kindness and friendship.

I remember that Oprah was violated when she was 8 years old.

Join your church community and stay away from alcohol.It is good that you believe in God.

May God watch over you.

I will tell you what I do each morning.I pray to God to lead me in all ways.And I ask for Gods will in my life only and if there is any other will let it move away itself.

Many times after saying that prayer,I felt that something went away screaming in agony!It is my deapest belief that this prayer guards and protects me.You may try,nothing to lose.


Shirleen 5 years ago

This is so sad. I was raped by someone I knew. I liked him but he put something in my drink and raped me over and over again.

I KNOW its not my fault but sometimes the pain NEVER stops. Its so painful. I feel every emotion now and plus some. Ladies, don't accept a drink or leave your drink or maybe not drink with guy friends because they can rape you. Its so sick.


anupma profile image

anupma 5 years ago from India

It is a really a very bad accident. I can understand what u feel after it. But be careful first to believe on anyone. It is the most unfair and common trick of man to mingle something in drink and intoxicate u to fulfill their ill desires. Anyways, forget everything (i know it is very tough, but just try) and try to normalise your life. may God Bless you.


Lostgal 5 years ago

Omg reading this bring but last Friday night please email me I need help pate.jaskson@gmail.com


gmwilliams profile image

gmwilliams 4 years ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

To realife: Rape is rape. An egregious act of violation against a woman. What this "friend" did to you was horrific. No rape victim is ever at fault in this situation. I hope you do undergo some counseling regarding this situation. I would like to add that your "friend" should have been brought up on charges and imprisoned. This culture of boys will be boys is usually excused in this culture. However, this groupthink is partly the underlying reason for disrespect against women. This hub is truly poignant and should be shared. Furthermore, it should be recommended reading for all.


@everyone 4 years ago

Sorry I haven't responded. I don't view this thread often because it's still painful. I'm ten times better, but it makes me sad, so I try not to think about it, but at the same time I don't want to ignore anyone who comments. Thank you all for your support. My advice to anyone who has gone through this, leave. Don't stay. Go to the police right away. I was so busy making excuses for him and trying not to come to grips with what happened. The prosecuter looked at that. "Why didn't you leave right away?" They said the jury would have eaten me alive in court, but I was ready to face the court, face the judge and face the abuser. So my advice, leave and tell the police immediately. No one should be allowed to get away with rape.


mbsunlimited profile image

mbsunlimited 4 years ago from Trenton,NJ

Wow. That took guts to share something so personal and painful. That's one great thing about the internet and forums like Hubpages is that it allows you to express yourself and get feedback from people who probably went through what you went through.I hope you continue to heal emotionally.


Thegal 4 years ago

i was also raped by a guy i knew....he was my cousins bby daddy...i trusted him but he chose to rape me. I choose not to think about it so much but each time i hear ppl talkin about rape or c it on t.v i think back tht hey i was 1nce raped at 15. I find it so hard to love any guy....i move from guy to guy....i cnt trust fully well guys always brake my heart i hate him for makin me like this. But hey what can i do....i am 21 now i am fine but i gues i can neva be fully fine. I feel yo pain.


Emily Sanz12 profile image

Emily Sanz12 3 years ago

oh my god, your story is so much like mine, except he didn't let me go, and i had to give in to him coz i feared he might get violent with me and hurt me.. it happened 3 days ago and i'm still in shock, i want to cry but i just couldn't!!


hkb 2 years ago

THAT IS DEPREVAJHX


agree 2 years ago

Almost every single situation I've ever put myself alone too long with a "friend" who was a guy I instantly regreted it. I've been alone waiting for other friends to arrive, or watching tv and almost invariably the guy I'd be alone with will start touching Me and forcing affection on me that I in no way ask for or suggest I want. I've had the nerve in two occasions to say something like "is this really about to happen dude?" or like "i said I don't wanna but if you're just gonna force yourself that's your call.." I'd be so afraid of fighting too much and pissing someone off and getting hurt I usually ended up giving in so it didn't feel like rape I could just tell myself I consented. Other than the last effort in saying no.. if they don't get it and keep pushing I just give up to spare myself some trauma.. in the end I do feel this is negatively influenced my self image. I dont trust guys anymore after so many times and have a hard time even keeping friends. I don't like or constantly want sexual attention and to be praised and coaxed into things with a flood of compliments and amenities. A lot of guys I've become acquainted with tried something funny atleast once.. its exhausting..


Gerry 19 months ago

I would like to know why a couple of women I dated:

1. Pulled her coat open and swung her breasts back and forth, smiling at me, when we were all alone and walking past a thicket at night. Scared me.

2. Her friend, a tall, striking blonde girl, was wearing a nice short dress and bent over from the waist, showing her lace panties to me as I sat on the sofa with my date. My date, #1, blurted the other's name. Later the other girl leaned over toward me so that I saw clear down between her breasts.

3. When another girl who I had been dating for a while and I were parked watching the start of the hot-air balloon races, she pulled her shirt and bra up, showing her absolutely magnificent breasts.

On another occasion, after I had dropped her, she invited me to a church picnic in the park. At the end of the picnic, she asked me to stay behind as she wanted to talk with me alone.

After everyone else had left, she invited me to her car. She was all friendly just as she had been throughout the picnic. Dummmb me didn't suspect a thing. But once I got in her car, she began a tirade of accusations against me over my not seeing her any more.

When she let up for a moment, I chewed her out for pulling a stunt like that: being out in an isolated place like that with someone she obviously didn't like anyway, then giving him down the road. Maybe she was off her meds? She had before been angry because I wouldn't have sex with her. Glad I didn't with a nutcase like her!

After all the experiences I've had with women, I feel like I know nothing! nothing! about women.


Gooseperry 14 months ago

I had the EXACT same thing happen to me. He actually even made a foreshadowing comment earlier in the night as well. I knew him since the 5th grade and we were in college. My best friend his girlfriend had died only a few months before this incident.

I still talk to him.

I have never been alone with him since. He has apologized too.

He asks me to have dinner with him and his wife and my husband and I can't.

I have told almost no one.

I just recently told my sister.

I think of it a lot lately and I just don't know what to do with the thoughts.

I feel sick that people would look at me with disgust to know I still speak to him

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