INFIDELITY: This Is My Story!
5 For your Maker is your husband—
the LORD Almighty is his name—
the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer;
he is called the God of all the earth.
6 The LORD will call you back
as if you were a wife deserted and distressed in spirit—
a wife who married young,
only to be rejected,” says your God.
7 “For a brief moment I abandoned you,
but with deep compassion I will bring you back.
8 In a surge of anger
I hid my face from you for a moment,
but with everlasting kindness
I will have compassion on you,”
says the LORD your Redeemer.
- Isaiah 54:5-8
I was eighteen when I got married and like so many teenage marriage, I got pregnant. A lost childhood and a low self-esteem contributed to a series of bad decisions. No mom, no dad, just me and the world without walls. I thought of my marriage as an escape but I was heading to a collision. It was too late to regret everything so I faced my situation with courage and with all of my heart. Everything was hard for me but I thought it was better than having no one at all. My greatest solace was the comfort of the infant that I was feeding from my breast.
He was 23 years old and not mature enough to hold the responsibility of a family. He spent most of his time with his friends, getting drunk and smokin' pot. He comes home as he pleases. We had to stay at my in-laws and I on the other hand, had to serve his family. My every move was dictated by my mother in-law. I am not allowed to see my friends and my family.
In 2001, he finally had a break and was able to work in Saudi Arabia. We moved to an apartment owned by my in-laws just two doors from their own home. Finally, I can breathe a little.
After 2 years of working abroad, he came home with another woman. Then my nightmare begun. I was in utter shock and disbelief, I couldn't even manage to cry. Nothing in human experience can compare with the agony of knowing that the person to whom I pledged eternal devotion has betrayed my trust and was engaged in sexual intimacies with a stranger, a competitor, an intruder. Death itself would be easier to tolerate than being tossed aside like an old shoe.
I was angry at him but I also want to hold him in my arms. I watched him sleeping in the couch and I wanted so bad to hug him tight but deep down I know it will not be appreciated. He never want to sleep with me because he felt guilty, not for me but for his woman.
In my attempt to win him back and to know what's on his mind, I would tolerate him telling me all the things that they did together including the passionate lovemaking. He would show me their pictures and show me the things that he gave to her that he never gave to me. Like a husband and wife swatch watch, a life-size teddy bear and a twin necklace. I would wake up to the sound of his voice talking to her over the phone and he wouldn't even mind me hearing their sweet concerns for each other. In countless occasions, both of them made a fool out me. I felt like I was the intruder to their love affair. I was young and stupid and I didn't know any better.
My world was in chaos. I looked at the mirror and ask what have I done to this woman that she wanted to tear me apart. In my frustration, I imagined skinning her alive, slapping her a couple of times but no amount of physical pain can measure to my own pain. It was my life that she was ruining, my children's future, the only life that I knew. I thought about having my husband killed but I couldn't even kill a rat.
I held on to my bible instead and the verse that comforted me at that time was God said, "Vengeance is mine, I will vindicate you". What kind of pain could I inflict on them when I am only limited as a human being.
The woman and I agreed to meet in a restaurant because they made me believe it was over between them. I bought a book for her, "Encouraging Words For Women", by Darlene Sala. She asked for my forgiveness, for causing me so much pain and I said, "In this game, no one wins, everybody gets hurt. So let's forget about it." I meant it even if my heart was in pain. I was doing myself a favor to forgive them because I never want to carry the burden of unforgivenss. In my nervousness, I had to use the women's bathroom only to find myself in the men's bathroom. She laughed at me.
The next morning he came home telling me that he was with his woman and they made love again. He can't leave her because he loved her very much. To make matters worse, I found a marriage contract with their names, I was shaking, I was confused and I didn't know what to do. He converted himself into a Muslim so he could have two or more wives. We talked, it's either I agree to their relatinship or I move out of their property. Rather than him moving because it was their apartment after all. I knelt down and begged for him to let me and my children stay because we have nowhere to go. I was jobless. The affair hardened his heart and he was utterly unreasonable.
I was left alone crying in the living room. I took a knife and attempted to take my life but my love for my children is greater than my despair. I was on my knees and cried to God, my heart was screaming from inside. I asked God, "How strong do You think I am that You made me suffer from childhood until now? Why is my life a constant struggle?" I sobbed my way 'till morning.
I took a job as an agent in one of the international banks in my country. A small room in the squatters area is all that I could afford. My daughter opted to stay with her grandparents and I have to respect her decision because I cannot drag her to the life of uncertainty ahead. My son never wants to leave my side. I knew that it wasn't the end but the beginning of a new life. I felt that was passing thru the eye of a needle. I look at my son who has asthma lying on the floor and not much to eat while his father was lying at the comfort of our home.
This was the time I met Jesus and I was in total mess. I worked for a Christian boss who told me that if I wanted to be bless like him I should seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all this things shall be added unto me. He trusted me with his sub-agency. I was running things for him because he was a very busy man. I was attending his meetings with the bank contractors and I was in charge with the hiring and training of his sales people. After ten months of being an agent relying solely on commissions to sustain us I finally got the break.I became the manager of my own agency, a marketing arm of the bank I was working with. Taking into account that the night I received this promotion I was pouring my heart out to God, asking Him to bless me. Up until today, I thank my God for He is faithful and just.I wonder where would I be without Him orchestrating everything in my life. My son and I moved to a condominium near my office two months after.
I had the chance of meeting the other woman again in a coffee shop. This time, I was different, confident, sophisticated and dignified. Not to mention, I'm buying the coffee. Surely, a work in progress but hey, it's some progress. To me, that was the greatest vindication God has bestowed on me. She's still as insecure as she's been and couldn't help herself from admiring me. A couple of times, my ex-husband asked me to come back to him for all the wrong reasons and with three women on the side. I have never been happier in my life now that I have been redeemed by God. I tried bringing him to my church only to find myself mocked. In Gods perfect time everything shall be well for me and my children. My daughter will find her way back to me.
It's been eight years now since this happened. I have been broken and molded into something that I truly appreciate. I'm experiencing this freedom because of the knowledge that I am God's beloved. I love this peaceful life of walking with God intimately. I am excited most of the time of what He is doing and what He is about to do in my life. Most of all, I live in awe as I come to know Him. I was seeking for something deeper, something that no human being can fill the void in my innermost being and He found me. All along, my heart was yearning for the One who created me, to commune with the lover of my soul and as I stood before Him, I was never the same.
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