IT TAKES A MAN #2

This experience costs only your time

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A rich moment! A rich moment!A rich moment!A rich moment!The day is done.  Nothing to worry about till tomorrow!
A rich moment!
A rich moment!
A rich moment!
A rich moment!
A rich moment!
A rich moment!
A rich moment!
A rich moment!
The day is done.  Nothing to worry about till tomorrow!
The day is done. Nothing to worry about till tomorrow!

The Tall Guy

In the first blog of this series, we talked about a "little" LOUD voice that sometimes or often undermines our ability to have a gut feeling that says, "I’m a man," in contrast to "I’m a wimp...a little boy...a pussy...dickless...small...impotent...unattractive...weak...loser...hopeless...

good as dead...unlovable...unworthy...unaccomplished...unimportant...lousy provider...pushover...." Hey, hey, STOP. That’s enough!

Where do all these "little" LOUD voices come from? Well, we certainly were not born with them, so the simple answer is from our experience, and unfortunately probably from our experience with other men, whether that be Dad or some other guy, like a coach or teacher or minister or doctor or neighbor. Or worse, from our buddies.

Now, I have to tell you this part of the story or the rest of this blog might not make any sense. I have always been a little self-conscious of my height. 5' 71/2" As I neared adolescents, I dreamed of being six feet or more or at least as tall as Dad who was 5' 10". And yes, I realize, I could be a lot shorter! So there's the background.

Some years ago, I discovered that there was a place inside of me where I felt TALL. As I experimented with allowing this place to emerge almost as if it was a person, I named this part of me, "The Tall Guy." The tall guy has the ability to walk up straight and tall. The tall guy definitely feels manly, and, in particular, feels smooth even when confronted by another powerful man. The tall guy eats well, exercises, enjoys flirting, and is appropriately sexually forward in bed with his wife. In general, the tall guy carries a kind of confidence in all of his relationships with young and old. In other words, the tall guy can be both grown-up and playful.

The tall guy also knows how to express his anger without going bananas. He can argue without his voice becoming shaky and going up in range. He is able to walk about the earth somewhat like a Gorilla, somewhat like a Lion, and somewhat like a Lamb, somewhat like a Teddy Bear, and somewhat like a Donkey! He’s able to weave it ALL together!

I’m not sure where the tall guy came from. Obviously from somewhere deep inside myself. But sometimes, it seems like he runs away. But I’m not sure if that’s what is happening. Maybe it’s more me chasing him away. Or perhaps me running away from him.

I do know that I tend to stop trusting him in times of crisis, and for some reason think that I’ll be safer if I regress and become small as if the crisis or contender is the alpha dog. Wow! Having a chance to explore that tall guy is very interesting and very rich.

How about you? Do you have a tall guy and what is your experience of him? Where do you think he comes from? Or if you are a woman, do you have a tall gal?

THANKS FOR EXPLORING THIS WITH ME AND THANKS FOR READING. Share your thoughts in a comment below.

No, I won't just leave you hanging. More in the next blog, but this is big enough bite for the moment.

Vern

 

 

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Comments 5 comments

BennyTheWriter profile image

BennyTheWriter 6 years ago from Northeastern U.S.A.

Hey Vern! Checking out another one of your "old blogs!" I had read "Tall Guy" some time ago, but I'm just now discovering "It Takes a Man" parts 1 and 2. Deep stuff.

I can relate to the sense of the "Tall Guy" running away from me. I know he's inside me, but when I'm facing a scary or stressful situation, I can feel him trying to escape. Interestingly, my gut reaction to that sense has been anger...I tend to insult myself in all kinds of ways, saying "what, you're not a REAL MAN? Other guys can do this/have done this, why can't you? Are you a pussy?" Haha, the tall guy is replaced with a drill sergeant! But I find that that's not the way of peace. If anything, I still feel stressed out or drained, even if I manage to come to terms with the situation using the "drill sergeant" approach on myself.

Really, what helps me as I reflect on the topic is the knowledge that I already AM a "real man." That is, I exist, I'm a human, and I developed from an X AND a Y chromosome! Everything else, like confidence, wisdom, strength, a facility with women, etc...that will come from experience, and a simple willingness to make myself and improve myself. No more and no less. Taking action is the best antidote to regret!

Society makes a big deal about this stuff, I think, because those qualities are what people wish they had in themselves. I think the basis of admiration (sometimes!) is insecurity, self-consciousness, or some other kind of self-acknowledged deficiency.

Men want to be accepted and recognized as such, and women are looking for a strong and stable "leader." Incredible pressure on any guy! But I take comfort in the fact that I'm human, I don't know all the answers, and neither does any "real man" that's out there. I'm WILLING to learn to be stronger, more confident, more self-reliant...and I think this willingness, along with continuously "taking action" in life, is key.

Anyway, I'm rambling, but just thought I'd record my thoughts! Will continue to check out your hubs my friend...looking forward to more.

~Benny


vrbmft profile image

vrbmft 6 years ago from Yucaipa, California Author

Benny, Benny, Benny!! Such good stuff, my friend. THANKS FOR SHARING IT HERE. You have blessed my blog with some really good stuff. And you know what, you're "right" if there is such a thing!! So maybe yo're not!! You know, I sit in front of this CD that continuously plays WAVES FROM THE OCEAN, and it is so awesome, like you and I constantly going in and out of the shore, trying to search what it means to be a man.

I have recently found in almost old age (65) that I am beginning to venture into life's forests, into forests I would never have ventured forth before. I am breaking so many rules for myself, it is what? I have no idea what it is, but as I do it, the poetry that flows from my brain is almost wildly incomprehensible. So there is something really Godly going on here. It is about growing old. That in and of itself, can, can, can, if we let it,make us quite wiser.


gg.zaino profile image

gg.zaino 6 years ago from L'America

Hey Vern, great expose' on the inner voice. Call it what we may, 'the logical us'- 'the peace within you-us'-'the voice of our soul' or any description that fits to identify with confidence, honesty, peace, and which leads us in discovery of living life as a "true human being"

Thank you for this write Vern- voted 'up'

peace ~ greg Z


vrbmft profile image

vrbmft 6 years ago from Yucaipa, California Author

Thanks Greg for giving a little life to this "old" tall hub!! It is easy for me to forget about my tall guy. It is so unbelievable because he is such a tall, precious part of me. How can I forget him? But I do, and when someone like you leaves a comment, it is like the Tall Guy knocking on the door. So for that, I thank you.

Vern


gg.zaino profile image

gg.zaino 6 years ago from L'America

Glad I dropped by Vern...

Namaste ~ greg

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