Should You Spend Money On A Dating Site?

Love on the Internet?
Love on the Internet?

Have you considered creating a profile on a dating site? I sometimes read forums about online dating, and I noticed someone posted that a particular site worked better than eHarmony. To me that is quite an audacious promise as I, and many of my friends, have discovered that pretty much all online dating sites will deliver the same results. The only difference between a pay site and a free site is you have to pay to talk to people, and there is no guarantee that you will even jive with the people you speak to once you hand over your hard earned cash. Twenty years ago there were dating agencies that claimed that for a fee they could help you find true love, but I could not testify to whether these work well because I never used one. Sites such as match.com, eharmony.com, christiansingles.com, and many others are the online equivalents of the dating services many people used to use. Some people still use those today, but online services have taken away a large chunk of business from their storefront counterparts with aggressive advertising campaigns showing pictures of happy coupes. Whether you want to pay to meet your online dates or just try free sites is up to you, but I am writing this hub about my experiences to educate others about all the options available before you decide you must "pay for love".

Do romantic candlelit images capture your eye on those dating sites?
Do romantic candlelit images capture your eye on those dating sites?

Buyer Warning: Online Dating Can Be A Very Dangerous Thing

I am not trying to sound like your mother and warn you about going outside after dark, but yes I will probably sound like your mother when I say be very careful before venturing into the world of online dating. During the first few dates you always want to meet in public and let a friend know where you are going. I stopped dating people I met online a few months ago because I felt I was being way too risky and I am thankful nothing happened to me, but if always meet in a public place it can be safe and secure.

However, my family was way too concerned about me dating people I met online and they felt I did not have enough details about these persons. Honestly I did not spend every waking minute of my day looking for online dates, but I was beginning to feel the amount of time needed to research whether you wanted to meet an online date was taking away from other more enjoyable activities. Also, I have found the people I meet in person tend to get along better with me, and I tend to get along better with them because I feel I know them better. Of course there are dangers in dating anyone online or offline, but I just want to make sure every one is aware of the online dangers that lerk behind that friendly avatar and screen.

People Lie On "Classy" Websites Such As Eharmony

Many people feel that even though match.com is a dating site that it is filled with those looking for casual flings, but I found the case to be true with Eharmony, ChristianSingles, and a couple of other niche sites that cost money. These days many people meet online via myspace (even people in their fifties and older are on here), Facebook, Yuwie, even on YouTube, that the pay dating sites have become more and more niche in their approach. If you are ever surfing the net you are likely to find a dating site that caters to people who love poodles and blue crackers, which I have not found yet, but I am sure you can find such a site with extensive research.

My experience with Eharmony was very enlightening because I learned that one of the times I did get "accepted" via their online questionnaire that my matches were not even similar to me. Eharmony and many of the other sites claim to match people according to "compatibility dimensions", but you never know what people will lie about when filling out online questionnaires. The one man I talked to who seemed nice felt that I had nothing in common with him, and the other one lied about being married. The married man told me he lied so he could win the trust of women and sleep with them because he knew marriage hungry women were looking for husbands on this site, so it is nice to know that people like that will even abuse our trust on many dating sites. I always used to ask men lots of questions before I would meet them and many thought I was way too questioning, but I would rather be safe than sorry. Also, you should never be embarrassed to ask a man if he is married, has kids, or is dating anyone else because if he feels these questions are too personal early on, then what type of thing will he hide once he is dating someone? The same goes for men too, but I am speaking from my own perspective and I have not met men who have dealt with online dating fiascos, so if you want to add your experience in the comments section please do so.

Free Dating Sites Offer Similar Results

So have you ever considered using free online dating services? After my adventures in the world of paid dating my friend suggested I try to meet people on myspace and plentyoffish.com. I tried both of those and I must say my results were actually less scary than what I encountered on the pay sites. Of course you will be getting more inappropriate messages on free sites because more people can contact you, but the beauty of this system is that you can actually talk to more people and up the results of your search. The owner of the site plentyoffish has clearly stated that online dating sites will have you pay money and not deliver results because they want you to stay, and I have to say I do agree with him to some degree. However, even though you get many more "choices" on a free site, it is still prudent to consider whether online dating is the best avenue. These are all personal choices that you will have to investigate and research, but as I have said before researching an online date can almost take as much time as buying a house, so there goes the myth that online dating is good for those with the time crunch.

"Freaky" People Even Hang Out On Christian Dating Services

Some people think Christian dating services are safer and more user friendly, or at least I used to feel that way. After my experiences with Eharmony and match.com I decided to try Christian Singles because I felt the people there might be better matches for me. One man I met on there was very gentlemanly but we just did not have much in common, which can happen in real life or online. The second guy seemed very nice at first, but he revealed a very freaky side after we started talking for awhile. This gentleman was a successful college graduate, so he seemed like a very nice gentleman to get to know. He wanted to come see me in California during his summer break, so we decided to talk before we met.

However, several weeks went by and he began to reveal to me how contradictory he could be. He told me he had never spoken to one girl online again after she sent him a picture of herself in lingerie, but he himself had pictures celebrities in scantily clad clothing on several of his webpages. Next, he revealed to me that he broke up with his ex-girlfriend because she was overweight and had only stayed with her because she "nursed" him through injuries he sustained while on duty in the air force. Then he had the audacity to ask me about my weight, and I kindly instructed him that most women do not like to share that information. I may have been more inclined to do so if he had not brought up the scenario about breaking up with his ex-girlfriend because of her weight. However, the last thing he said to me before coming out to meet me completely turned me off and made me decide that I would never want to meet this person. I told him I was going to have my friend come with me the first time we met because I just wanted him to get to know her, but also because I wanted to play things safe.

He wrote me an email describing in very lurid details why he thought I wanted her to come with me and the things he would like to with both of us, which made me decide enough is enough. He was very upset I decided not to meet him and starting sending me harassing email messages under a different email name. I know it was him and not someone else because of the things he said in the email. This incident was the catalyst in my decision to never meet someone online again. Many of my friends will never meet men online and accept the fact this limits their opportunities, but they feel it also keeps them a little bit more safe. One friend of mine claimed she would never try online dating, but she met her current boyfriend online, so peoples' opinions can shift on this matter over time. My objective here is not to present horror stories about the world of online dating, but to share a few of my experiences to help those considering whether online dating is for them.

Whirlwind Online Romances Often Fizzle After Marriage

Our family friend met this very charming guy about seven years ago when match.com was a newer concept. Everyone thought she moving way too fast because she only married him after their first date, but he quickly won people over because he came across as a very nice and down to earth person. Well folks, it turns out a year into their marriage he was laid off, which is not something anyone can prevent, but he refused to get any job that he believed to be below his educational level. For awhile she believed he was trying to find a job, but after a year of unemployment she realized he just wanted some free time to himself. At the time out friend owned a very successful business and he always complained that her business took away from their couple time, so she sold the business even though it was helping to keep them afloat financially. She decided to take a lower paying job with less hours to make her husband happy, but after all of her sacrifices he decided to get a divorce because he was bored with the relationship. Although it was our friend's personal choice to do all those things, she truly wanted to make her marriage work and she was willing to do whatever it took to accomplish this goal. Unfortunately, meeting someone online means you may not know enough about this person to decide if you want to marry them, especially if you have a whirl wind romance like my friend did. I am not suggesting that all men online run hot and cold when it comes to the women they date and marry, but I have encountered several that say after five or six years with a lady they just lose interest. I have also met many men who admit they use the Internet as a tool to keep "their options open," and I know there are many ladies out there who do the same thing. The bottom line is I have decided online dating is not for me, but I just wanted to share some of my experiences with you before people go and spend money on something they can find for free: an online date.

Comments 41 comments

ahmu profile image

ahmu 8 years ago

nice hub u make sweetie honey

i like it


SweetiePie profile image

SweetiePie 8 years ago from Southern California, USA Author

Thanks Ahmu!


pjdscott profile image

pjdscott 8 years ago from Durham, UK

What an amazingly frank and candid account, SweetiePie. I have sometimes been curious about these sites but never needed to try one since I'm happily married. My perception was that they were generally successful - I do know that they're responsible for breaking up a lot of marriages and relationships in recent years. Having read in your hub that online relationships are not very secure makes me wonder about them - then I realize that the sites are there to make money from people, not necessarily guarantee hapiness!

Personally, I suspect you're more likey to make a relationship by meeting somebody on HubPages. However, let's hope the bosses at HP don't make this into a dating site!

ABsolutely super hub and I wish you well in love and life.


solarshingles profile image

solarshingles 8 years ago from london

Virtual reality is becoming a substantial part of our every day life. I see the problem between the sheer difference between virtual and real. We could paint almost anything online, but when it comes to the real meeting we are dealing with the real person, not with clicking the mouse, using Photoshop filters to make our photos look better or typing the keyboard. The real is the real, the virtual is the virtual, even though one day both are going to melt in one.):


SweetiePie profile image

SweetiePie 8 years ago from Southern California, USA Author

Thank you for sharing your insights Pjdscott and Solarshingles.  It is good to hear for the men's point of view since I am a woman writing this.


jacobworld profile image

jacobworld 8 years ago from Ireland

I wish to find a gf and maybe this will help LOL. Good article mate


SweetiePie profile image

SweetiePie 8 years ago from Southern California, USA Author

Thanks for stopping by Jacob. Do not go to pay sites if you look online, they just want your money! However, this is just my opinion.


Constant Walker profile image

Constant Walker 8 years ago from Springfield, Oregon

Good story. The one and only blind date I've ever been on was through a FREE online dating site. The date went ok, but no sparks.


Trsmd profile image

Trsmd 8 years ago from India

Very nice picture in the Liquid of the Glass...


SweetiePie profile image

SweetiePie 8 years ago from Southern California, USA Author

Constant Walker,

Thanks for stopping by and sharing your story.  I am glad you did not pay to meet your date because no one should pay to meet people online.  My theory is very highly skeptical of any website that want you to pay to meet people. 

Trsmd,

This picture is from the clipart.com website builder CD.  These are sold at many stores, and you can use the pictures as long as the picture is not being used to endorse any product. Thanks for commenting.


funnebone profile image

funnebone 8 years ago from Philadelphia Pa

hm can I get a step by step account of the guy the got his wife to sell the business? Did he get half?...haha..very nice hub...did you call me " freaky" in it or am I being paranoid?


SweetiePie profile image

SweetiePie 8 years ago from Southern California, USA Author

Thanks for the comments Funnebone. Do not worry, I do not think you are freaky! I always love your hubs Funnebone, you always make me laugh! The man who had our friend sell her business did not get any of it because they had signed a pre-nuptial agreement, which was good in that case. Anyway, I just hope people are careful about who they meet online because we never really know enough about people we meet on the Internet. There are a couple of other experiences I had with men that were just friends that I did not share on this hub, but all I can say is there are many men and women out there who use the Internet as a tool to find extra dates. If anyone goes to Craigslist or Plentyfish you can see many people "advertise" for a casual fling on the side because they think their significant other is boring. All I can say about those people is I can imagine they are not the most engaging people themselves :).


G-Ma Johnson profile image

G-Ma Johnson 8 years ago from NW in the land of the Free

phew girl.... I could do a Hub on this subject..and it wouldn't be as nice as yours....I ran into a few real....winners??? They play the Poor Me..and promise all sorts of things..then ask for money..Ha Ha . I couldn't believe someone would do that when you had never met...It takes all kind I guess. Left that scene quickly G-Ma :o) hugs


SweetiePie profile image

SweetiePie 8 years ago from Southern California, USA Author

G-Ma I think you should write a hub about it too :). I try to be nice when I think back on people who acted really out of line, but honestly there was no excuse for some of their behavior. I just like to warn people about some of the people that use online dating sites because they are playing the field, and this includes both men and women. Recently there was a news article I had read about a man who was married, but who was so obsessed with meeting other women that he spend three hours per day researching dating websites. He would meet each woman and promise her all sorts of things, but after he slept with each one who dropped off the map. This man is an extreme exceptioin, but there are also many men and women that do the same thing to a lesser degree. There are many great people on dating sites to that would never do this, but I never feel people should have to pay to find these people. I have met some perfectly nice men on free dating sites, but I did not connect with them. Thus, I am still open to meeting someone one day, but I am not going to be doing it online. I wish everyone luck no matter what they try.


robie2 profile image

robie2 8 years ago from Central New Jersey

Nice work,SweetiePie.I admire your honesty in sharing your experiences. I've never done online dating, but have friends who have and a young cousin who met her husband that way....so you never can tell. My friend had me in stitches describing her meetings in a local Starbucks for coffee with a man who didn't look like his picture, had obviously lied about his age and height, and was so nervous he couldn't drink his coffee. All of which made my friend think he was probably lying about other things as well. I think the problem is that it is so easy to be dishonest on the internet- -but when the moment of truth comes ahhhh well. I guess online, just like in real life, you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find a prince:-)


SweetiePie profile image

SweetiePie 8 years ago from Southern California, USA Author

Thank you for sharing your story Robie :). I agree with you that there are some good people on online dating services, I just was turned off by a few bad experiences and my family does not like me to meet people online, so I finally stopped. However, I am glad that online dating worked out for your cousin. I really enjoyed reading your story :).


funnebone profile image

funnebone 8 years ago from Philadelphia Pa

Jut to be fair to online dating, I rarelt tell women I meet in bars that I like to wear womens panties and eat fabreeze.


SweetiePie profile image

SweetiePie 8 years ago from Southern California, USA Author

You are so funny Funnebone LOL.


Ananta65 8 years ago

So, this only shows that internet and real life are not that much different. Allow me to comment on some statements in your hub.

People Lie On "Classy" Websites Such As Eharmony...You will find liars in any community, both online and irl. I know of men who take off their wedding ring before joining the boys for a night out. Obviously it may be somewhat easier to handle the truth creatively on the internet. People do tend to find it more difficult to boldly lie when facing the other, but still. The difference is nog that big. Lying about things such as marital status, children, income, etc. is not typical for online datingsites. It's typical for a 'brand' of people. And these people dwell everywhere. Yep, they can even be found online.

What also struck me, is your reluctance to reveal your weight. I quote: "if he feels these questions are too personal early on, then what type of thing will he hide once he is dating someone?" Doesn't that apply to you as well?

Finally you come to the conclusion, that "meeting someone online means you may not know enough about this person to decide if you want to marry them". I don't think that meeting the other online is the cause of the disaster. Rushing into a marriage head over heels, that is what's wrong here. Your family friend could have also met this charming guy at a cocktail party, in the supermarket or anywhere else. Your friend chose to get married without knowing this guy. Don't blame the internet for that.

Now, I'm claiming that online dating sites are the best there is. They should be regarded in the proper perspective. They can be a great way to establish a contact. Nothing more, nothing less. Especially for shy people it can be easier to get in touch with others than for instance going to a nightclub. But at the end of the day, it is up to you how you continue this contact.


SweetiePie profile image

SweetiePie 8 years ago from Southern California, USA Author

Ananta,

I feel there is nothing wrong with my point of view, but since you want to sort of put me down in your comments that is your choice.  I would not question you in your hub and your point of view.  It is one thing if you want to disagree with me about online dating and tell me why you like it because of your own experiences, but putting me down is just not nice.  I am an intelligent and kind person, and this is my interpretation of online dating, and you can have yours also.  If you read my hub you would see I said that anyone can to pursue online dating that enjoys it, but I feel that people pay too much money on pay sites.  Differing points of view are encouraged, questioning someone to the point that it makes me feel bad when I read your comment is not.  I do not feel I have to tell people my weight.  I walk and exercise, but I am not what you call the ideal skinny model. 

If someone does not like me because of my looks I am not interested in dating them, and they have the right not to date me also.  I stand by what I said earlier that certain questions as to whether a man has children or kids are not to personal, so I suppose if you come to someone's story looking to pick it apart you can find what you are looking for. However, the questions I ask never cross the line, I just wish to establish whether the person is single or married, the difference between this question and questioning a woman about her weight is very obivious. I honestly would never not date someone because of their weight or income level, so back when I was on dating sites I ignored those and never entered my weight. In fact, several guys that were nice that I talked to had a big problem with women not dating them because of their income, and to me I think you close off so many opportunities if you exclude someone because of their weight or income. However, date who you like and if income and weight are important to you that is great, but these things are not important to me. I care whether a man is educated, read books, is kind, sensitive, spiritual, and those are the things that matter to me.

I had pictures up on dating sites and I eat a healthy diet, so you can decide by looking at my picture if you like me. If someone hates my looks so much they do not have to date me, but I have the right not to tell them my weight. One thing I did like about ChristianSingles is that they did not make people list weight or income, so I do agree with you on one point, that dating site actually had some good points.

Future comments that cross the line will not be approved because no one should have to feel demeaned on the comments section of their own hub.  However, thanks for sharing you opinion.

Note: I think the only purpose of this comment was to elicit a dramatic response. I allowed it to go through, but this is not something people should be writing on each others hubs.


Laura Marie profile image

Laura Marie 8 years ago from UK

Thumbs up to you. Really like this hub. Online dating is becoming very popular!


SweetiePie profile image

SweetiePie 8 years ago from Southern California, USA Author

Laura Marie,

Thank you for stopping by and sharing your comments.  You are right online dating is becoming very popular and I hope everyone makes the best choices for themselves when it comes to the world of online dating. 


drummer boy profile image

drummer boy 8 years ago from Kirksville,MO

nice hub, I have tried different on-line dateing sites and found the love of my life at my local Wal-Mart lol. Keep up the good work. drummer boy


SweetiePie profile image

SweetiePie 8 years ago from Southern California, USA Author

Thanks for the great comments drummer boy.  Mostly I just wrote this hub to share with everyone that I do not think they should have to pay money to meet people online, and yes I think it is a little dangerous, which I know some people will not agree, but that is just my opinion.  As a woman you can meet men in public, but after you have known them for awhile it is hard to say if you will ever feel comfortable meeting them at their house.  I know this can be true with people you meet in real life, but most of people I met in person I knew through friends, so I never really worried about this problem.  I did have a one year relationship with someone I met on match.com that lasted for a year, but the ironic thing about that was he lived a mile from me and I went to school with him.  Obiviously that relationship did not work out, but I am still open to meeting someone in person if and when the time is right.  I am so glad to hear things are working out for you drummer boy!


Ananta65 8 years ago

SweetiePie, 

First of all it is not my intention to put you down. I’m sorry if my comments raise that impression. I must admit that this hub-thing is new to me. I am used to discussions on the internet on various topics and my intention was (and is) to start such a discussion. Respectfully, I’d like to add. If the purpose of a hub is to ‘collect’ supportive comments only, then I will just pass. :)

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with your point of view; I’d just like to put it into perspective. The way I read your hub, the emphasis and the blame for some phenomena is put on online dating, where (in my view) it is human behaviour that causes the disappointment and frustration.

Mind you, I didn’t say that you have to justify or defend your looks or figure. In contrast, I strongly feel that we should accept people as and for who they are. To me it just appeared awkward that you expect a man to be honest about his personal facts (rightfully so), but on the other hand are less open yourself. So the key in my remark is not the weight-factor, it’s the openness. In my opinion it works both ways. I am open about myself (be it my weight, income or marital status), so I would appreciate it if the other shows that same level of openness.

Things is, that we all have our own set of turn ons and turn offs. For you (and me) weight or income is not an issue, for someone else this may be different. What I meant to say, is that if you expect others to share the characteristics that you value, you should be willing to be open about your own characteristics as well. Even if those are not the key characteristics in your point of view. What I meant to say is that if you have the right not to tell something, then the other also has the right not to tell something. I hope I made myself clear, because I absolutely and definitely don’t want to imply that you have to defend yourself. And again, the purpose of my comment was not to provoke or attack. And I think it’s too bad that this one (in my view: misinterpreted) remark gets all the attention, whereas the rest of my comments is left unspoken.


SweetiePie profile image

SweetiePie 8 years ago from Southern California, USA Author

I see you meant no harm and I am thankful you took the time to consider which comment detracted from the discussion :).  I appreciate your point of view the way you put it the second time, but since we have differing viewpoints on online dating I am glad you shared these.  Nevertheless, I will go back to the main point I made in my hub that online dating can be dangerous because we do not know the people we meet online.  Especially in my case because the people I meet in person were always family friends and I knew of these peoples' reputations before I met them.  So this was my point of view and I do think my points were well  thought out and I stand by them since I put extensive thought into this hub.  Since we do not agree about online dating, we should agree to disagree.  

I think this is great because now we are having a conversation and showing how many diverse opinions there are in the world.  Also, I forgot to add I am very clear about what I like with dates and people know how I feel off the bat.   What I am open to discussing is what they want to reveal to me, and I feel that in time and interaction you can get to know someone.  I will be clear about why the weight comment this guy made was way so out of line.  He has a girlfriend who nursed him through a knee injury and he had to leave the air force.  The entire time she was doing this he told her he wanted to marry her, but in reality he was really grossed out because she kept putting on weight.  Instead of being honest with her, his friends kept making comments that she was way too big for him etc.  Then he went on to tell me he thought I looked nice in my photos during one phone call, but during the next he would say oh which is your look.  I sent him pictures of me wearing skirts, pants, shorts, many different times of year, but he assumed I had to have a certain look.  So the night he revealed why he broke up with his girlfriend over her weight and then we he asked me about my weight I was very turned off.  No woman should feel like they have to be open with a guy about their weight, and I hate to say it but only an impolite guy or gal would ask.  If looks are so important to them then they should go marry super models, but looks fade and I am dissappointed that people do not realize this. 

Part of my hub is to convey I think people place way too much importance on looks, and I know you understand this point, but that is why I spend a large amount of time covering that.

You felt I did not address some of your comments, but I feel you did not read my hub clearly.  It is a reality both men and women lie on the Internet and if you do not believe me you should go to plentyoffish.com, craigslist, or any dating site and see for yourself.  I am curious to what your dating experiences have been since you feel so positive about this, and I ask only in a nice way.  However, I think you should be cautious when dating online because people do lie more online, and there are several studies that have shown this to be the reality.  Human nature may be to be deceptive, but it is more so online.

Once again I also just want to point out I am a self assured person and I thought out what I said in my hub and stand behind it.  I do not thrive off discussions when they question how I am interacted with men because I feel you should think about how you interact with women also. I think you are a man, but I am not sure, and you can correct me if I are wrong.  Are you successfully married from having met someone on a dating site?  If you are not I do not think you have a place to question whether I have double standards with people, I still think you are making some assumptions.  I am trying to have a discussion with you since you want to discuss this, but you cannot just assume I misinterpreted what you said because I could say the same about you.  It appears you want to have a discussion, but honestly I am assured of myself and well thought out in my assessments, so I am not wanting to change them. 

You seem like a great writer, so I suggest you start writing some hubs of your own.


Ananta65 8 years ago

Mind you, I agree that there are risks involved in online dating. And one should mitigate those risks, by – as you rightfully state – meeting in public places and letting friends know where you are. But then again, a certain level of risk is involved when meeting new people, regardless whether or not you first meet them on the internet. Because even if you meet people that other people in your circle of trust already know, there is a chance that those people are not who you think they are. I am not trying to scare anybody, but how often are neighbours and family members completely unaware of domestic violence? The husband who beats up his wife regularly may (and often does) have a good reputation. But indeed, the risk is higher when meeting people you only know from their online performance.I understand your point about this guy. But if you ask me, it’s much more his dishonesty and attitude that turned you off than the question about your weight itself. The guy comes across as a parasite, someone who uses people. And in my experience people like him are more common, regardless of the way you get to know them. And it always takes some time before their true nature shows. All the more reason not to rush into a marriage.I agree that many people put way too much emphasis on the looks. But I am sure that these shallow people can be found among both sexes and that eventually they will find each other in what they consider to be perfect relationships ;)“It is a reality both men and women lie on the Internet”. I’d like to rephrase that to: It is a reality both men and women lie”. Not just on the internet. One should be aware of that and one should indeed be aware of the fact that the internet somehow stimulates people to lie some more.As for my own experiences. First of all I have never dated with the intention to get involved into a lasting relationship. For me, dating is and was nothing more and nothing less than an opportunity to find out if the ‘click’ felt online also existed in real life. So usually it starts with just having a cup of coffee and finding out if there is enough to become friends. Romance doesn’t start on the internet. Not for me. Romance starts in real life and it is completely unpredictable. Over the years I have had dates that were ok, but a one time experience. I have had dates with people who I now consider to be real friends. And – to complete this success-story ;) – I did find the love of my live on the internet. I didn’t know that when we got to know each other online. I didn’t know that when we first met in real life. It took a couple of years (and seeing each other on and off during that time) before we realised the feeling we had for each other.I don’t expect you to change your assessments and I am not criticizing you as a person. I’m merely questioning. And if online dating is not for you, then online dating is not for you. It’s as simple as that. Just as line dancing is not for me. We all have our own preferences.


SweetiePie profile image

SweetiePie 8 years ago from Southern California, USA Author

Well thought out response and thank you for sharing your opinion. As I said earlier I did feel silly I did not stop to think about your responses. Thanks for sharing your experiences. Honestly when I stopped to think about it I really was not upset, I am just not good at debates like you are :).


shineshark profile image

shineshark 8 years ago

All dating sites are bad. I will never spend money on them.. no way!


SweetiePie profile image

SweetiePie 8 years ago from Southern California, USA Author

Thanks for stopping by shineshark.


CA Girl 8 years ago

A guy who has to have a girlfriend in a certain weight range is looking for a status symbol, not a relationship - he should get a sports car instead.

One of my friends dated a girl who had half her face burned as a child, and quite frankly we all just sort of forgot about the scars pretty quickly because they weren't HER they were just how she happened to look. Weight is pretty much the same thing. The argument that a guy just isn't "turned on" by a woman over a certain weight number (like he couldn't tell from the photos?) is pretty bogus.

As far as Air Force boy, he is just living in a fantasy world where women objects that are just there to make him feel good, and it's a game to get them to go to bed with him. No lose. I think you were probably starting to pick up and react to his flakiness before he had really shown the full extent of it. Good instincts.


SweetiePie profile image

SweetiePie 8 years ago from Southern California, USA Author

Thanks for sharing CA Girl. I look forward to your future hubs.


Me 8 years ago

Well....all I can say is...you got that right. I met this guy on one of the more popular dating sites...the one and only guy I met. We talked for sometime and he seemed really nice and kind of goofy but just what I like. After some months we met and started dating for approx 10 months. It wasn't too long after, probably a month, that I discovered he wasn't at all like his profile stated. Eventually things got worse....I found out that he still had other internet accounts...that he had not closed even though he said he had only the one. Well he never closed that either...he just hid it. In all....I found out that he had at least 12 accounts...even a membership on one of the sex sights...although he claimed to be very traditional. Anyway, I confronted him and we did talk and he even sent me a confirmation notice that he closed his account...well...sure enough...he just opened another but was unaware that I knew. Needless to say...he was abusive...both emotionally, verbally and once physically. Sadly, he again or should I say still is on the sights so I have been told; and I can't do anything about it. I sure don't want anyone else to get hurt. So....all I can say is...if you come across someone 40, looking for a sweet, fashionable sexy girl who claims to be a nice guy, who is a gentleman, is honourable and has traditional values and joking says he has no record.....stay clear...cuz chances are he may be his next victim and this time there may be an arrest or worse.

Oh yah...one last thing...the craziest thing. I actually believed signing up to one of those sites you pay for would help and weed out the undesireables. You know the sites that match you with a suitable partner basd on all types of criterie....well guess who I was matched with. Go figure....we are nothing a like because I would never do what he has done to another human being and he is a liar an I am not. Point is...I guess you can pretend to be anyone you want..just be careful that you do your home work and certainly do not get nvolved quickly like I did. Take the time to get to know the person. Eventually their true self will surface...just keep mental note and don't make excuses for bad treatment or behavior...it doesn't get better...it gets worse...I would know.

Good luck and be safe


SweetiePie profile image

SweetiePie 8 years ago from Southern California, USA Author

Thanks for sharing your story. Many people are different than they really are online. Yes people can lie in day to day life too, but online people can lie to make themselves seem more desirable. Online is not for me for sure. I know some people still swear by it and have even got married to people they met online, but I just do not see that happening for me.


recondelta54 5 years ago

Some people are just curious,some are happily married just seeing what its all about & have no intentions of dating for what ever reason.One thing that happened to me was that I didn't close out my curious searching & it was on the bottom of my computer,my wife came in to use the computer for her personal mail,ect. & she had seen that there were sights that made her look into what I was up to,the whole deal blew up & way out of the way it was & what made it worst is that in order to have access to various sites you have to fill in a questionair program in doing so opened a can of worms on myself.I am very happily married & had hurt my wife once many years ago.when she had seen the filled in areas she got her heart broke all over thinking that I was interested in having an affair when it was for just looking at the different people in the dating field out their.It was nothing of my intentions at all but I can clearly see her point of view & it hurt me knowing that i'd hurt her & trying to get for her to understand my intentions went in one ear & out the other,made for a long restless nite.I wouldn't do anything to ever hurt my wife shes my best friend & lover I don't need someone that i didn't have a clue of what they were about in my life.So there are a lot of situations that can happen to anyone even if your intentions are not for doing anyone wrong but sometimes youreally can hurt the ones you love so my advice would be to think about what your doing & even ask if it would offend her if you were to look at picture or what ever your up to its way better than to try to explain a situation when you've got egg all over your face...


SweetiePie profile image

SweetiePie 5 years ago from Southern California, USA Author

recondelta54,

Just explain to your wife people look at those sites for a laugh, and it does not mean anything. I am surprised she never has looked, and hopeful in the future she will realize looking at those sites really does not mean anything. What does mean something is if you are actually meeting people off a dating site, then you would have some explaining to do to your wife.


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Anishwebmaster 2 years ago from Mundi Kharar, Mohali, Chandigarh, (Punjab)

Very good Sweetiepie,really appreciable.But i never do online dating before.According to me it is jst a wastage of time..


SweetiePie profile image

SweetiePie 2 years ago from Southern California, USA Author

I am not that keen on the dating scene either, and I think the online dating thing just makes things a bit worse. The first time I liked a guy in years I was nice to him, but he did not get it, and was not interested. I am the type of person that it is rare for me to actually feel a connection with a man, and too bad it was with someone who was not interested. Nevertheless, I believe it is better to preserve one's affections for a person you really care about rather than muck around in the dating scene. I suppose the dating scene is worth while for those who enjoy the stimulation it provides, but I am seeking a connection with a person I am attracted to. I have felt this recently, but he did not feel it, so I have just decided to go back to not seeking it. If it is meant to happen I think attraction happens in every day life without the trouble of dating, whether it be online or in the real world.


Dale 23 months ago

Women lie on all dating sites. They use a 10 year old picture thinking you won't notice when you go out for a date. I have had 10 out of 10 bad encounters going to take a woman out to dinner. Some had missing front teeth. Some had very distinct body odor. Some would be waiting outside their door and I would just drive on like I was going somewhere. No more online dating for me.


SweetiePie profile image

SweetiePie 23 months ago from Southern California, USA Author

Wow, Dale. You think men do not lie on dating sites? I think people of both genders are guilty of the behavior you are discussing.


SweetiePie profile image

SweetiePie 2 months ago from Southern California, USA Author

This article is not about data being safe on a dating site, it is about some of the strange behavior that happens on these.

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