If As Only In A Dream

Just Sharing Some Of Myself

This Hub is about life and the twists and turns it can take. It can be cruel at times and at others times a matter of ecstasy. Both of those ends of the spectrum are usually self-induced. I’m known for my controversial political Hubs because that is where I write now on the writing spectrum. There is another side to The Frog Prince that most people will never see, much less experience. I just want to share parts of that side with those who care to read.

Lets Set The Mood For This. Quite A Video

Wayne Brown recently wrote a nice poem about dreams. With the recent events of life that were taking place around me, it was like he had written it just for me. I dare to dream being a Pisces. That’s something we are known for. My dream for years has been to retire down in the Caribbean with a second mate by my side and actually enjoy the “golden years” (goodness I hate that term) of my life and be active and happy with someone who shares that vision. The reality of the dream is that I have every intention of dying happy and not in front of the TV set bitching and moaning about how life sold me short. The only reason life sells you short is because you let it.

The thing is finding that second mate. I divorced my son’s mother because I am a communicator and she was not. There were side issues but I got a bit tense when there were no more than 10 words spoken in the house in any given 24 hour period. It still makes me tense. Even after that was over my dream, which will become reality, endured. I stayed single for a very long time. I’m not sure it was selfishness or something else but I became a bit picky. I shared openly with women I became involved with about my “dream.” I made it pretty clear that if they couldn’t imagine living that sort of lifestyle then we probably shouldn’t get to second base. It usually ended up on the scrap heap because many people don’t have the boldness to imagine themselves sailing in the Caribbean and having a ball along the way.

You either have vision or you have tunnel vision. But I was always right upfront with a potential second mate. Buy in or cash out. I would much rather that one cash out rather than think it was “just a dream.” Something should come on, call it the light, when the person you are interested in talks about doing something in life often enough in the “future tense” of this is what I am going to do when I retire. That’s more than a dream, that’s a plan.

I reckon I call it a shared vision. After all, in a healthy relationship, it helps if the team is pulling in the same direction rather than at cross purposes. You and your mate ought to be at least on the same sheet of music, maybe a few bars apart here and there, but still on the same sheet of music. There will come a time, maybe some of you haven’t arrived there yet, when your children are grown, they are raising their children and doing the same struggle through life that you went through to arrive at the point in your life where your life should become about you. You did your duty and hopefully in an honorable manner.

My intention here is not to attack anyone or what they believe, not by any means. You can say, “You’re being awfully selfish.” I guess that is one way to think of it. But you should let someone know right upfront that your goals in life, leading up to your death and theirs, aren’t the same before you start going down the path of life together, not afterward. Being a communicator, and I see myself as a good one, that would seem prudent. If you can’t seem to see yourself doing something then put that right out there from the get-go rather than think the person with the vision has no vision to make that vision a reality. That was a mouthful but that is what differentiates something being a dream and something being a goal. That also is called honesty.

I don’t like hurting people and definitely don’t like being hurt. But the truth of the matter is that it may be best to deal with the reality of having someone in your life who doesn’t share your vision. My son, who I love dearly, asked me once, “Dad, why are you going to retire down in the Caribbean?" I’m eying Costa Rica to port out of. My answer was rather simple and he easily understood and laughed. What I told him was, ‘So you’ll have some place to visit.” But my son knows his father and knows how often I have talked about this subject since he can remember.
Dealing with the hurt has to be done. At first, people have the tendency to turn that hurt into anger. Psychology enters into this because it is easier to deal with anger rather than the hurt one feels inside. But the anger part of it is complex because when angry with someone it usually does more harm to you than it ever does to the person it is aimed at. Why do I say that? Because after you target is gone and out of your life, you will have to still deal with the hurt. It will still be there and have to be dealt with before you can ever have another healthy relationship with another person.

Or you can take the opposite approach and think you can go it alone. How healthy is that? I guess life itself can be a dream if you let it be. I, for one, don’t want to end my life in the “what if” mode. What if you actually pursue your “dream.” The worst thing that could happen is you find out that it isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. The best thing that can happen is that you die with a smile on that big stupid thing you call your face!

I, at first, did not place a comment block here when I posted this Then something was said to me about this. It went as follows, "If I had known you were serious, I never would have married you." Well now, If I had known the other person wasn't, I would have never married her either. OH DUH!. I wasn’t aiming this at anyone in particular other than myself. I have found, as a writer, that sometimes I need to put some emotions on paper where I can see them, feel them and deal with them. So much can get spinning around in your head that it can drive one bonkers.

Sweet dreams to all! Just pursue those dreams and keep working toward a goal and not wander aimlessly through life. Extend a hand, take a hand and find a second mate in life who shares your vision. Everything will come out much better in the long run if you’re pulling in the same direction. These thoughts could be about you, or maybe even you, or you, or you. But the reality is that they are really a part of me. Peace be with you!

There is a deep side to The Frog Prince. I love to laugh, tease, joke but above all else - communicate. I don’t consider myself to be living life in shallow waters. I believe this is my 99th Hub since I arrived here. Maybe there will be another…

FOOTNOTE: My intent here is not to humiliate or piss anyone off but to let those inquiring minds, that my truer friends have, in on a part of what is happening in my life and why. If things and events are dealt with honestly from the onset none of what is happening would be happening. I guess some people have a problem being honest with themselves but I sure expect them to be honest with me. Maybe I'm expecting too much from people.

So now my fellow friends, writers and readers I will bid you adieu for the time being. I will leave you with the song below, one of my favorties being a bit of a romantic.

As Always,

The Frog Prince

AKA Jim


Leaves Me Speechless

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Comments 38 comments

manthy profile image

manthy 5 years ago from Alabama,USA

Thanks for being so candid, I find that this type of writing can be very therapeutic. Good Hub I voted it up and awesome.


The Frog Prince profile image

The Frog Prince 5 years ago from Arlington, TX Author

manthy - I always like to try to be honest and not come at someone sideways. Sometimes you just have to say what has to be said so an understanding sets in.

The Frog


TheGroundsquirrel profile image

TheGroundsquirrel 5 years ago

Truth is not malleable, perception is.


Writer David profile image

Writer David 5 years ago from Mobile, AL

frog,

That is an awesome piece of work there. I know where you are coming from insofar as that "second mate." I got a divorce back in July of 2005. As a result, I was homeless for about two weeks, living in my old truck. I had family and friends I could have turned to. But, I chose not to do that. One thing I discovered during this trial by fire in my life; I found out who truly loved and cared about me. I know that beyond a shadow of a doubt. I would never have found this out if I had not had that divorce.

I was angry for a long time after the divorce. But someone made it clear I was only hurting one person with this hate and anger....me. So, I pulled myself up by my bootstraps and forged on with my life. I'm pursing my lifelong dream of having a novel published (and that's looking much better today). I had a "First Mate" when I was a young man in Naples, Italy. I lost her on a rainy night on a hillside. So, I'm not sure I will have that second mate as I approach the big 6-0 in September. But, what's that old saying? Tis better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all? I comfort myself with that thought....thanks for a truly magnificent hub...and a chance for me to be honest also.


The Frog Prince profile image

The Frog Prince 5 years ago from Arlington, TX Author

David - "One thing I discovered during this trial by fire in my life; I found out who truly loved and cared about me."

Now there's BIG BINGO. I call it jumping ship my friend.

The Frog


Sunnie Day 5 years ago

Good Morning Frog,

I am glad you opened up the comments..I really loved this..so thought provoking..we dream of moving to the beach one day..always good to follow your dreams if you are able. Thank you for sharing..Love this side of your writing too.

Sunnie


Pat Potts 5 years ago

I love this Frog. Thanks for sharing with us. It makes me sit back and reflect on the good life and how blessed I am. voted up and more


The Frog Prince profile image

The Frog Prince 5 years ago from Arlington, TX Author

Sunnie - At first I had reservations about allowing people to comment. Then when I started getting comments e-mailed to me and on my FB page I started thinking about it. LOL Then the statement was made to me and that sealed the deal.

Pat - Thanks. You and I have been friends for quite a while now and I appreciate your support. Tell Hubby I said hello.

The Frog


Naomi's Banner profile image

Naomi's Banner 5 years ago from United States

This is a very beautifully said Hub and I am glad that you allowed for comments. I felt like a friend was leaving without saying goodbye. Very low feeling I might add. Your Hub touched me quite a bit in reflection of my own life and all the twists and turns it has made and there was a lot of twists believe me but this is not about me. You are refreshing to me and I have looked forward to your humorous political bashing every morning since we became Hub Buddies...lol...and I thought maybe you were waving goodbye to all so anyway I agree that two people that agree to share life with must have somewhat of the same desires to fulfill the needs of both. I do think for love you can compromise those desires somewhat.

My father had many things he wanted to do in life but my mother could not do them or was in fear of doing them however he loved her company so much that he let those things go and spent the rest of her life with her. He does not regret that as they had a kind of love that most never experience and they truly loved each other so dearly. He is remarried now but he still cries over my mom when we decorate the grave. It is amazing to me to see that kind of love. The kind of love that usually only comes once in a lifetime.

My prayer for your Froggie is that you get the priviledge of experiencing that kind of love before your lights go dim. And....maybe you have I don't know. Wow you Hub has really touched me ....apreciate you sharing these words with us on HubPages!!


marcoujor profile image

marcoujor 5 years ago from Jeffersonville PA

Dear Frog,

I read this yesterday and wrote you privately. I will wholeheartedly agree with Sunnie about being so glad we can speak to you in public! I have read your revision just now.

I have found in life that we can talk all we want and we believe we are communicating. Yet, we know this is a two-way street. If the other party is hearing us, without listening, then communication is not really occuring.

While I am sorry it took all these years for your ex to really listen through your powerfully written words, I am so grateful that you are intact! You have adventures and much happiness ahead, with many friends anxious to hear of how you are doing along the way! Be sweet, mar.


Pat Potts 5 years ago

Yes and we will continue to stay friends, and I will read your hubs, articles, writings. I will laugh and maybe sometimes cry and even fuss at you..... LOL....

Hubby says hi. :)


The Frog Prince profile image

The Frog Prince 5 years ago from Arlington, TX Author

Naomi - I hear you. Sometimes the one that should have stayed gets away, either by their choice or yours.

Marie - Communication is a two way street and takes two people doing it, otherwise you're talking to yourself. Understanding is also a two way street though that eludes many people. I think, at times, that listening and hearing become synonymous. They aren't. You can be listening and not ever hear the message and the messenger. A technique I use is to be totally alone in silence, BE STILL (that means your mind) and then listen. Amazing what can come your way. Many times people are trying to figure out what they're going to say next rather than listen closely.

She isn't my ex yet but we're soon to arrive there I believe. The crux of the problem is the final disposition of the horse property here. I'm not going to air a whole lot of dirty laundry here as it is inappropriate so I'll leave it right there.

The Frog


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

Frog - I am so glad you decided to allow comments:) I was married before - and we had some huge differences. I could not reconcile them and asked for a divorce. My ex was extremely upset and I explained to him that I didn't think I would ever be the person he expected me to be. I would never be able to become this person either - I told him I knew he would find someone who met his expectations and he would be a lot happier with THAT girl - whoever she was. He did - and they have been together for many years now.

I learned better the next time too - and I am so glad sir, that I cut my losses and went through that failure to get where I am now.

My ex - didn't want me to go to school anymore - he didn't want to travel unless it was into the woods to hunt. I knew I wanted to see the whole world - he changed his mind about that. It was terribly painful - but I'm SO glad I didn't try to change what I wanted from life. My husband now (of 12 years) loves all the same stuff I do - we have a wonderful life together. You know what else? I was only 23 when I left husband #1 - I actually gave him everything - the house, furniture I left it all behind and I have never once - ever regretted walking out the door. Good luck Frog - hold your breath until the rides over:)


Lynn S. Murphy 5 years ago

I read this yesterday, and it made me think back. I too went through something similar, and as one door closed and I despaired, another opened, and when I wasn't looking my soulmate and BFF came my way. Talk about blindsided. LOL!! The circumstances were I had a surly 15 yo and outta control 5 yo and in my 40's. Who's gonna want me? I wrote my journey of that in the Journaling part of this scrapbook page in this hub (scroll down) http://hubpages.com/hub/Journalingonyourpages which was very carthartic.

hugs and prayers my new friend.


breakfastpop profile image

breakfastpop 5 years ago

Frog, I admire your ability to be honest about your feelings and share them with others. I am of the belief that few married couples ever really listen to what their spouse is saying. You were honest about your dreams and had your wife listened and believed you this never would be happening now. Keep on reaching out and being the communicator and someone just like you will be drawn into your light. Go for that dream Frog, It sounds like the experience of a lifetime.


The Frog Prince profile image

The Frog Prince 5 years ago from Arlington, TX Author

Pat - Along the way we have learned to disagree, learn from it and live with it.

RHW - I understood what you said but am chewing a bit on the word - expectations. Maybe another word would fit better like - compatibility? I did understand your meaning though.

Lynn - I used that "when one door closes, another one opens" quite a few times myself lately. The key is in seeing that other door when it opens and not being blind to it.

BPOP - I can't be anything else but honest and open. I was raised by 2 females so I have a side many men, if they have it, won't display. Not the macho, man-o-man thing to do you know.

The Frog


tom hellert profile image

tom hellert 5 years ago from home

Froggie,

I have actually just given up... I used to want to steer the ship- now I 'lljust bob in the sea and get taken by the current...and Im not sure why....

TH


The Frog Prince profile image

The Frog Prince 5 years ago from Arlington, TX Author

Tom - Your Prozac prescription go belly up again pal? Life should be so easy but it's not. Hold on and when I see ya I'll throw you a life buoy!


TheManWithNoPants profile image

TheManWithNoPants 5 years ago from Tucson, Az.

Frog,

Tom, you listen too ..

It was good that you wrote this. You can't hold the poison inside. It's toxic. You didn't read it, but I just dumped a bathtub full of poison in my last hub, and I feel like a million bucks now.

Unless I just throw out some kind of Auto Pilot comments, it's hard for me to make a contribution. I'm wired a little different than most. I'm always forward looking. Maybe because looking back forces me to relive what ever negativity. Once something negative becomes a reality, I deal with it, then I stomp the throttle. (If you move quick enough, you can run right accross the top of quicksand.) I realize how I cope, might not work for everybody else. By the time I was fifteen, I was sick of being disappointed by people. I never bet more than I can afford to lose. I'm just rambling now ..

I guess I'm just trying to give a friend some advice he probably doesn't really need. Negative is just so ... negative, so I look for the positive in a negative situation until I find it, then I obsess on it. Quick example. When Pam left me, (my children's mother) I was a broken hearted single parent. One day soon after, I was at the park with my kids, just feeling blue. I asked my self what's the positive here? I began thinking, "You were a ladie's man before you met Pam, and you're still a stud." Then it hit me! I'm a buffalo hunter, I got my gun back, and the herd is full and ripe! I found a wonderful baby sitter, and over the course of the next year, I nailed about 40% of all the beautiful women under the age of fifty in the state of Texas, and built a business. I guess I'm just saying that when one door closes, another opens up, and I don't want to miss the train. I'll be writting you personal too.

Maybe you didn't need to hear this. Sometimes things just suck, and thats what you need to hear rather than all this Dear Abby crap. In anycase, I'm with ya bro.

jim


The Frog Prince profile image

The Frog Prince 5 years ago from Arlington, TX Author

jim - I just want to put this to bed so I can keep on trucking. I didn't intend to write this in a negative vein because out of every negative a positive will spring up. The old ying-yang type of thing. As Lynn said above, "As one door closes, another door opens." It's called faith my friend.

This graphic at this link explains my position. I have used it often enough! LMAO

http://i681.photobucket.com/albums/vv178/TheFrogPr...


TheManWithNoPants profile image

TheManWithNoPants 5 years ago from Tucson, Az.

I think that's pretty much what I said govenor! (laighing) No more long winded gut burner comments from the land of No Pants. You just sounded a bit glum in the hub, so I thought I might just sing ya a song or two. I miss read. Apologies. Anyway. good luck to ya my man!

jim


tom hellert profile image

tom hellert 5 years ago from home

All- let me let you in on a little secret-

They say "life sucks and then you die" guess what happens ... you come back from the dead and it STILL SUCKS but now it sucks worse.... Sorry guys but i'm just soeakin the facts....

I no longer fear death i just hate lIFE- sorry to pee on the campfire but I gotta run cya in 7 hours....

TH


TheGroundsquirrel profile image

TheGroundsquirrel 5 years ago

Actually, what tends to bum me out is that life is actually totally kick ass. It's just that I never have time to enjoy it properly. It's dangled before me like a fish to a dolphin ... knowing I can't leave the water to snatch that juicy little fish out of the trainers hand and maybe leave a future scar behind as vengeance for teasing the wild animals. Damnit! Who the hell has my fish, now?!?

That was for you froganoid, if nobody else is willing to put some strange in your hub, you know I will. lol


Pollyannalana profile image

Pollyannalana 5 years ago from US

Voted up and beautiful Frog, hard for me to express except in poem (unless you are the bad guy,like a president, lol) and I don't do em on other ppls hubs, so just good luck and just know... life is like a box of chocolates....and thanks for that first video up there, I'm taking it with me...


Ghost32 5 years ago

Frog, I too am glad you opened this up for Comments. It took me seven tries to hook up with the "right" partner, and I can remember a "few" low points in between marriages. Finally figured out one thing, though:

1. I like who I've become.

2. To become who I've become, I had to be where I've been.

3. That being the case, I'd best not be unhappy about WHATEVER my past (even ten seconds past) has been. You know the old saw :

"How do you become someone who has good judgement?"

"Experience."

"How do you gain experience?"

"Bad judgement."

One of the most remarkable discoveries of my life was the discovery that we can ask for what we really want...and get it. Sure, the education that comes along with the gift may be, um, EXTENSIVE, but still.

After wife #3, hiding out in Portland, Oregon, in 1984, coming within a lick and a promise of both starvation and homelessness, I remember staring out of my second floor rented room in an elderly lady's home, talking to the Universe:

"Well, I don't know if there's another woman in store for me or not, but if there is, could you please make her someone who can teach me something about SEX?"

A few weeks later, met wife #4. Yep, she tutored me a bit. Turned out it wasn't ME that had it wrong so much as it was a fairly messed-up batch of "first wives".

In your case? Sounds like you've "put your order in" for that sailboat-loving Second Mate already. Hold onto your watch cap. Bet you a walk on the plank to a pirate's cutlass she's out there.


tom hellert profile image

tom hellert 5 years ago from home

frog,

there are days when you can only look at it this way if you are suddenly gone will you be sad for you or for those you leave behind- If you are gone and leave noone behind rejoice because you will not hurt anyone when you punch out- the burden of leaving some behind is worse Life cannot end soon enough for some....despite those left behind although will it be better if some are gone - maybe... depends on who you are

TH


The Frog Prince profile image

The Frog Prince 5 years ago from Arlington, TX Author

Groundsquirrel - I love your brother and you know that. I think it's dangled there on purpose as a means of motivation. LOL. Some people, successful people, keep on snapping at the bait. It's called the pursuit of happiness. You're still raising your kids. Wait until they're gone and things ease up a tad. I'll catch the fish when I finally retire. Therefore I want to go where I need to go to do that.

Polly - Thanks and any vids or graphics I post are there for the taking. The "Sailing" video was very well done.

Fred - We all make mistakes along the way. Hopefully we learn from them. I think I have, at least from the majority of them. Everyone who is sent to you was sent for a reason. I'm not talking about a casual brush with another but something that runs deeper than that. I've experienced it enough to know that there is usually a rhyme and reason to experiencing someone who is usually delivering a message. Or maybe you're the messenger or you both are to each other. That's deep stuff and I could write a Hub just on that. As far as asking, just be careful what you ask for. Nuff said on that?

I might walk the plank, I might not. One day, if we happen to meet, I'll share something I don't usually share with anyone unless one of two things happen 1) I trust you implicitly or 2) I know I'll probably never set eyes on you again. It was the most powerful, revealing experience I have ever had in my life and has made me start listening to the pulse of life and those around me. I sure as hell won't write about it here because people would have too many over-the-cliff reactions to it. One of those things that you have to experience it to totally understand it things.

tom - When I'm gone, I'm gone. I'm not a hedonist, at least I don't think I am. But I do want to be happy while I'm here. I believe that my happiness comes from me, no one else is responsible for that nor should they be. Another person can either enhance your happiness or throw a damp towel over it because they aren't happy. It always makes me stand back a little when I'm accused of not making someone else happy. Hey! That's not my job or responsibility. I'm usually not the one pissing on your parade. That would usually be yourself. Look inside yourself first then step up to the plate and take a swing at the ball.

The Frog


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 5 years ago

i came here the other day and you didn't want comments...Even though I was disappointed I could respect that. I'm so glad you changed your mind. This was such a Beautiful soul searching Hub to read Froggy. I hope you get to fulfill your Dream. It's so important to have one...And in the End, only you (and I) can make ourselves Happy...Of course a partner is wonderful, I have Lover Man. Ours is a second marriage and we are Soul Mates...A Capricorn and a Taurus. There are so many GOOD women out there for you Froggy, waiting to be kissed by the Frog Prince! Start Hopping my Friend, and you will Find her and your Plan can start!


tom hellert profile image

tom hellert 5 years ago from home

Frog- it really was more of a boomerrang = frog look at it here see where its going -*bonk* it hits me on the dome

Frog,

I never accused you of anything- sorry if it seemed that way- I was having a bad bad bad horrible rotten day (or two) so dont take any offense to what I said-it wasnt aimed at you

TH


Harvey Stelman profile image

Harvey Stelman 5 years ago from Illinois

Froggy, In a song Rick Nelson once said, "You can't please anyone, until you please yourself." It was Garden Party. H


tom hellert profile image

tom hellert 5 years ago from home

HEY FROGGY its 70's flashback with the music master Harvey the hitman Stelman...the jewish sinatra....

TH


Harvey Stelman profile image

Harvey Stelman 5 years ago from Illinois

Tom, Strangers in the night.............. H


tom hellert profile image

tom hellert 5 years ago from home

NICE


thebluestar profile image

thebluestar 5 years ago from Northern Ireland

Again my Prince, I really don't see you as a frog, I feel your emotion and frustration, and from one fellow Piscean to another, swimming at cross purposes never works. Let us get rid of those fins and walk tall, brave and in defiance. x


september girl 5 years ago

I love your video of 'Sailing'. Brings back great memories. I admire you for your gumption to speak your mind and share how you feel. Takes courage and a good heart...which you appear to own both.


Pollyannalana profile image

Pollyannalana 5 years ago from US

Your last video is out...and I hate that... AJ he's my man, I didn't see him before. Delete this if you want.


The Frog Prince profile image

The Frog Prince 5 years ago from Arlington, TX Author

Polly - Naw. We're friends so I think I'll leave it. I like his music, not all but most of it.

Check out my latest and tell me what ya think.

http://hubpages.com/relationships/A-Clothes-Rippin...


picadilly profile image

picadilly 4 years ago from Schaumburg, IL

Prince Frog I loved your words and spirit!!! Hold on to your dreams, let them lead you to your reality one day!!!

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