If I Never Saw You Again
Every smile, half a smile. Every laugh, half a laugh. Every joy cut in half. Every tear, ten times a tear. Every emotion stretching beyond the confines of its own limitation. You my love, the distortion of everything. Sometimes I feel that my love is so consumed by itself that its purity is completely obscured. No one else sees it as it is. It is unrecognizable to others as the dearest treasure that it is. I have never known this sanctity with another.
I held you today. I loved you today with my body. We touched the most secret place of each other, that place which no one else ever sees. A place seen by a spirit's eye, transcending what is human. You make me more me. I cannot be me without you. I don't want to. I was born to breathe while loving you.
To think of you not being well paralyzes me. It forces me into a fixed position, and nothing can move me. I have what I have of you. It is not enough my love, but I will take it. And I will love you all that I can. You don't comprehend how much that is. I will protect you until I can't move. I will be strong for you until I am not breathing. No one knows. No one knows how deep this love of mine for you is. Not even you.
Loving someone brings about the realization of stark contrasts. Deep love bathes your soul in sunshine. Its power is immortality. Love like this spawns the belief that nothing can destroy it. Nothing can take it because it is protected by the strength of the love itself. But that's not true. We are human. Something can touch us, something can creep in and change us, alter a future we have mapped out in our hearts, forever disfigure the terrain of the road we have no choice but to walk.
The unimaginable. What is it? What would take you from me, and remove the most precious love I have ever known from my grasp? I don't want to take one single, solitary, sweet second for granted. A split second in time, one moment you are holding me, wrapping your love around me. Yet in the same space of another moment, you may be ripped away from me forever. Have I told you, shown you enough my darling? Have I given my best to you? I love you more than I knew love could ever be. Nothing, nothing, nothing is more precious to me. I love you. I want to do my best by you. No regrets, ever. Never, ever.
© 2012 Bella Nina
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To be in the midst of a tormented love affair is to run naked in an endless thunderstorm. It is to be so exposed at your core that you exist on the love alone.