I've been thinking a lot about a past situation that I had to deal with and realized a few things. A while ago I met a "man" (I use that word very loosely) who I almost got caught up in a dead end situation with. When I met Julius I didn't think too much about him, but in time we gradually got to know each other and grew closer. He was smart, funny, seemed mature, and seemed to have a lot going for himself. We appeared to have a lot in common and had great conversations, we appeared to really click. So, this should have been a good match, right? WRONG!!! There was a huge problem, Julius is a huge liar and manipulator. He always had an excuse why we couldn't spend any real time together or talk outside of when he wanted to or when it was convenient for him. I put up with it for a while for a couple of reasons. I really like him a lot. We talked a lot about fear and vulnerability, so I figured that he was acting out of fear, and if I hung in there and really showed him that I cared for him, that he might eventually come out of hiding. What I found out was that wasn't going to happen. He turned out to be MARRIED!!! He eventually confessed that he was married which is why things were never going to move forward or anywhere. By that point I was emotionally drained and numb, so it really didn't matter to me anymore, I had already moved on. I'm thankful that I was never intimate with him, I think that would have made things a lot harder on me. I just couldn't understand why Julius spent so much time trying to play with my mind. He even had the nerve to try to act jealous if it looked like I was getting attention from another man, even though he had no real plans for me. I believe that to a certain extent that he was attracted to me and might have even liked me a little bit. If all I had wanted was a one night stand or a short fling, that would have been fine with him, but he saw that I was looking for a real relationship and that would have messed both of our lives up. I can not and will not play number two or three to anybody!!! He had money, and I could have gotten him to buy me things and pay my bills, but I wanted the whole package. At one point I was actually questioning myself and wondering if there was something I was lacking because I couldn't understand why this "man" apppeared to want me but really didn't. It put me in a bad place for a while. Once I realized what he was the one with all the baggage, not me than I was ok. I realize I did nothing wrong. My only mistake was letting this go on a long as it did. So by the time he made his "confession", I had already made up my mind that I was done letting him play with my mind and had moved on. He told me that if I wanted to talk about it we could, and I laughed to myself. Talk??? Seriously??? At that point there was absolutely nothing to talk about, he just wanted to see if he could keep the game going. I didn't shed a tear, I had let go of the anger and confusion, I had already said everything I needed to say, and I finally felt free. Now my mind is clear, and my heart and soul are open and ready to love somebody who will love me back, and there won't be any games involved when it happens. Real and true love is waiting for me, and I'm not letting anything or anybody get in the way of that.
After saying all of that, I feel even better. Today I'm free!!! I'm thankful that God carried me though that situation and reminded me of how much I'm worth and that I'm a good person and deserve a lot better and will have a lot better. I know without a doubt that I dodged a huge bullet. So, if you're reading this and you're currently going through something even close to what I went through, get out now!!! You don't deserve to have anybody play with or abuse your feelings. That's not love or anything even close. Trust that God has a much better plan for you, even if it means being by yourself for a little bit. Being by yourself is a whole lot better than going through hell with somebody. Thank you for reading.