Important List of Things Not to Do When Staying in a Friend's House

The people I talk about in this story love to gobble-up your goodies
The people I talk about in this story love to gobble-up your goodies | Source
Abusive-friends staying at your house can and will do as they please, so be careful
Abusive-friends staying at your house can and will do as they please, so be careful | Source

This is how it starts

Note: This is not aimed at people who are homeless, jobless, and “on the mercy of the world.” I am not that heartless. This is to those people who are “sweet as store-bought sugar,” to your face, but constantly looking for ways to take advantage of your very life and the good things in it. Kenneth.

There you are, “Mr. and Ms. Humble Americans,” going about your daily lives, minding your own affairs and helping those in need that you know and those you do not know when the opportunity affords itself. You and your wife do not “just” to helpful things for people to get recognition from others or get your names in the local paper. You two are sincerely-grateful for your great jobs, nice cars, two amazing children whose IQ’s are, well, way up there, and your spacious and comfortable two-story home.

You did not stab anyone in the back or blackmail anyone to get your material things nor did you bribe God Almighty to have such amazing, respectful, and intelligent kids to be born unto you. You and your wife have just always strived to treat people and animals right and respect God and His ways. That’s it. Not rocket science. Just a great way to live.

Homeowner, left, tells friend who wants to stay at his house, his set of rules that must be followed
Homeowner, left, tells friend who wants to stay at his house, his set of rules that must be followed | Source
These people I am warning you of, love to lay around on YOUR furniture and do nothing. Not even vacuum or sweep while you are away
These people I am warning you of, love to lay around on YOUR furniture and do nothing. Not even vacuum or sweep while you are away | Source

You and your wife are good friends all of the time

But suddenly and without early-warning, one of your oldest friends and good in all part of his life, knocks on your front door. You greet him and his wife and they break-down when you ask them, “How are you these days?” They bare their souls to you—from being laid-off to losing their home and car. Their tears are big and many. But you, being the good soul that you are, comfort them with this statement, “Awww, there, there. It is not the end of the world. Hey, ‘Marge,’ and I are going out of town for two weeks, so you can stay here in our house and relax and try go figure things out. Okay?”

Their big tears suddenly stop. They look at each other with renewed hope showing in their faces. Once again you and your wife have “saved the day” for someone who needs it. And you and your wife “Marge” go to bed that night feeling closer to God and having hearts that are warmer due to your unselfishness.

You and your wife rise early and leave the next morning for your two-week get-away. But on that ensuing Wednesday, “Tab Linkletter,” a greedy, lying, two-faced man who lives down the street pays a visit to your home. “Linkletter,” might be the “only” person in existence who “has an axe to grind” with you,” for turning him in to the city water department for observing him cut the lock on his water meter when the city shut off his water for not paying his bill on time. Yes, he always held a rough grudge at you for that civil-act and now watch his act of revenge unfold.

The famous White House party-crashers, Nov. 24, 2009, should have taught you to watch for people you do not know asking to stay at your house when you are out of town
The famous White House party-crashers, Nov. 24, 2009, should have taught you to watch for people you do not know asking to stay at your house when you are out of town | Source
This bum is insane. His idea of proving his lack of I.Q. is brushing walnuts, English walnuts with your toothbrush
This bum is insane. His idea of proving his lack of I.Q. is brushing walnuts, English walnuts with your toothbrush | Source
This bum is insane. His idea of proving his lack of I.Q. is brushing walnuts, English walnuts with your toothbrush
This bum is insane. His idea of proving his lack of I.Q. is brushing walnuts, English walnuts with your toothbrush | Source

A fictional display for you to memorize

“Linkletter,” rings the doorbell and “Jimmy Denson and his wife, ‘Trixie,” answer the door and “Linkletter,” who is hungry for information (and things to use against you), learns that “Denson,” and wife are “just” staying at your house for the two-weeks you and your wife are on a get-away and then “Jimmy and Trixie,” will have to move on somewhere else.

Watch this: “Do you two like it here?” “Linkletter (acting) humble, asks.

“You bet we do, ‘Mr. Linkletter,’ and we are NOT taking advantage of our super-nice friend by “acting as if we were at home,” “Jimmy” replies.

“Ohhh, that,” “Linkletter” laughs. “Our mutual saint-of-a-friend, didn’t really mean that. He says that to everyone, so just relax and do make yourself right at home or else, you will hurt his feelings for being so generous to you,” “Linkletter” says with a tone of seriousness.

In two-weeks you and your sweet wife show-up at, I hate to say it, all that is left of your spacious, beautiful home. You and your wife open the front door and the first thing they see is you and your wife in the living room floor fast-asleep in a deep-pile of empty corn chip, potato chip, and corn curl bags, soda cans and bottles and other assorted garbage. You almost have a major meltdown, but you get control of yourself.

You realize that you, his poor, down-trodden friend, must have not seen the all-important

List of Things Not to Do While Staying At a Friend’s House

MAJOR MISTAKE is for you, the bum, to call your bum friends over to the house where you are staying and drink all of the homeowner's beer
MAJOR MISTAKE is for you, the bum, to call your bum friends over to the house where you are staying and drink all of the homeowner's beer
Moochers use "this" pitiful look on you if they are planning to house-sit for you or just stay at your house while you are gone on business
Moochers use "this" pitiful look on you if they are planning to house-sit for you or just stay at your house while you are gone on business | Source
Take a good look at what most moochers do in your house while you have trusted them to just stay in your house so they will have a roof over their heads
Take a good look at what most moochers do in your house while you have trusted them to just stay in your house so they will have a roof over their heads | Source

Has any moochers ever taken advantage of you and messed-up your home?

  • Yes. And they are no longer my friends.
  • They have asked, but I know better.
  • No. And I do not trust moochers
See results without voting
  • Put your cigarettes out on the arms of the recliners. If you are staying in a friend's home, you should quit smoking or just go outside to smoke.
  • Flush the commode after EACH use. Not just twice a week.
  • Leave your dirty laundry strewn from the bedroom to the patio.
  • Leave dirty dishes (from each meal) on the table, in the living room, and bathtub. Your friend, the homeowner, has a dishwasher. Why not learn how to operate this marvelous device?
  • Spill beer in the carpet of every room in the house and never make an attempt to clean it up.
  • After you finish reading the daily newspaper each morning, do not leave it laying in sections all over the house.
  • Get a wild hair to do some gardening which includes digging big holes in the front yard to plant young trees that you cannot afford to buy and plant.
  • You talk to the Garden Dept. manager and find out that he is a good friend of the friend whose home you are bumming, errr, I mean staying in, and the Garden Dept. manager charges the fourteen Oak trees to your friend's account.
  • You feel sorry for six stray cats you see through the living room window and you start feeding them fresh meat from your friend's refrigerator. Soon the six strays turn into fifteen stray cats. Won't your friend be surprised?
    You and the wife get bored of watching television all day in the living room, so you start NOT getting out of b
    ed except to eat and use "the John," and now you watch your friend's big plasma television and eat snacks in his beds and get crumbs in the sheets and even in the John." Now you start eating snacks in your friend's nice beds and the annoying crumbs get in the sheets and even in the pillows.
  • Rather than have your friend think of you as a liar, which you are, your "job hunting," you promised him that you would do while he and his wife were gone, is just you phoning people from the classified ads in the paper and when the personnel manager(s) do not know you and insist that you actually come by in-person for an interview, you tell them your friend's name and that he recommends you, but they still want to meet you which triggers you into a filthy cursing rant against these men and now you will never be interviewed for a job.
  • One day you are suffering from boredom and you bring a couple of the now-fat stray cats inside the house to teach them tricks, but soon they have to "answer nature's call," but you are too lazy to take them out and let them urinate all over the floor. You figure what's a little urine going to hurt with all of this trash that is already there.
  • One evening after you have had way too many cans of beerr, you spy a very attractive woman doing some yard work near the backyard of your friend's house. The beer gives you confidence as you pull-back the window and start yelling suggestive sexual remarks to her which offends her and she hurries into her house.
  • Then with three more beers, you see her back in her backyard and her husband, an ex-Marine, calls you out for the nasty things you said to his wife. You stumble outside to meet him and "show him who's boss." When you wake up, it's two days later and you are in the local hospital.

Then one morning, your good-hearted friend shows-up at your hospital room and you think he will laugh at all of the trouble you have caused and how you and your wife made such a pig's sty out of his house. He does not laugh one bit, but shares some news with you:

"Hey, guess what, friend? I have found the perfect job for you? he says.
"Yeah? And you are not angry at the mess we made?" you ask.
"Nahhh, not a bit. Do you know what the job is?" he asks.
"Sure, buddy. I am ready to get a steady job." you say with relief.
"When you are released from the hospital, you and your wife are going to clean-up every bit of trash, steam-clean all of my carpets, make sure that my yards and house are spotless." your friend explains. And is still not laughing.
"Well, friend, that sounds a bit harsh. What if we refuse?" you state being a real man.
"It's either that or jail." your friend says.

And now begins to laugh and laugh heartily.





Remember . . .

You, the homeowner, saying "No" to people who do not care for anyone but themselves, is not a sign of weakness of meaness. It is sign of maturity, integrity,

and self-respect.

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Comments 15 comments

ZRMoore profile image

ZRMoore 23 months ago

This was a great way to write about a subject that everyone has had to deal with. The friend who won't respect your home, and doesn't want to leave it. I think that if people have this problem they need to get them to read this article. It says all that needs to be said.


MizBejabbers profile image

MizBejabbers 23 months ago

Yes, it is funny, Kenneth. But I have to say that if you are on the receiving end, it isn't. We've had house guests (who were not relatives) twice in our home in the last 10 years. Our policy now is if it ain't a close relative we can hold accountable, you no stay here.


LisaRoppolo profile image

LisaRoppolo 23 months ago from Joliet, IL

Sometimes family can be the worst offenders! If someone can't say no to people, they should really learn to. It is helpful in all walks of life because it prevents you from being taken advantage of.


Thelma Alberts profile image

Thelma Alberts 23 months ago from Germany

Well done! I don't think I will let somebody stay in my house without me being with them. I don't want to be taken advantage. Thanks for the heads up.


Dana Tate profile image

Dana Tate 23 months ago from LOS ANGELES

I agree with LisaRoppolo: Family can be the worst because they feel you owe them just because of the blood. I have been taken advantage by friends who I allowed to live with me and now I won't do it unless it's family. And speaking of family I have a cousin who stayed with my aunt for 10 years and never paid rent. He's been gone for 3 years and she's still bitter about it.


BlossomSB profile image

BlossomSB 23 months ago from Victoria, Australia

Funny but also close to the truth sometimes.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 23 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, BlossomSB,

Thank you very much for this great comment. I have had this happen to me three times over the years and to this day, Jan. 14, 2015, I have yet to receive a thank you for those times or the food that was eaten and wasted. No. This isn't funny when it happens to us.

Hi, Dana,

Amen, sweet friend. You are right. Family somehow sees this unspoken obligatory situation between us and them and they have the right to abuse our property and goods.

This is just not right. Nowadays, unless a family member is seriously homeless or in need, they do not stay and if they do, it is on a limited basis.

Hello, Thelma,

You are very welcome. I hope this helps. I hate to see anyone abused in their own home. Thank you for the nice visit.

Lisa,

Thank you for the comment and reading this hub. You are right. For me too, saying no has never come easy, but when the same people do the same thing to me, I get tired of it very quickly.

No, is not hard to say if the consequences merit.

Hello, MizBejabbers,

Long time. No you. How have you been? I have missed you. When this abuse happens to us, you are so right, it is not funny in the least.

And it is strange how family likes to take all off of us they can.

It was so nice hearing from you again.

Hi, ZRMoore,

Bravo for the comment. I see it like you. If a "friend" stays in my house and tears it up or lets it go, that is THE last time they stay.

I LOVE YOU ALL.


tirelesstraveler profile image

tirelesstraveler 23 months ago from California

This is only funny if it hasn't happened to you.

I thought I was going insane: the guest were only there until they got their housing or I figured out how to get them into a hotel.

When I walked into the hotel room it had two twin beds with a dresser bolted between the beds. They like the room just fine. They are still an interesting couple. I just heard from them after several years.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 22 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

tirelesstraveler,

You are a wise person. I would do the same way. And it did happen to me. A couple from Louisiana, the wife part of the couple is my wife's cousin--very abrasive, take-over mindset, came to visit back in 1990. Stayed all week. Never said thanks at all.

I was starting a tough new job and my wife was working at Walmart. They would sit up most all night just as I was coming off my shift. This irked me for life.

How could kinfolk be so greedy? To this day, the girl cousin does not speak to me. I couldn't care less.

But if my wife and I were to do this to them, well, I do not use profane language.


grand old lady profile image

grand old lady 22 months ago from Philippines

I used to think you made the funniest lists ever. Now your introductions are practically as good as your lists. You made me smile.


vkwok profile image

vkwok 22 months ago from Hawaii

It's definitely good to remember these when visiting someone's house.


Genna East profile image

Genna East 22 months ago from Massachusetts, USA

I had to laugh when I read your bullet list, Ken. It may seem improbable, but these things actually DO happen. It changes the face of “friendship” or “family.” Well written, and an enjoyable read.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 22 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dear Genna,

I love your comment and I agree. Things, maybe not this drastic, happen somewhere everyday.

And yes, it will change the face of friendship forever.

I like your input into these hubs.

Come back anytime.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 22 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

vkwok,

I agree with you, my friend. In my younger days, when staying in someone else's house, I was on egg shells for not wanting to mess anything up.

I was raised to respect the property of others.

Come back anytime.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 22 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, Grand Old Lady (who is not old)

Thank you from my heart for your nice comment.

I never knew that my introductions were read that much, but your comments humbled me. Thanks.

Come back anytime.

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