An Introduction to the Autosexual Male

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Who is the Autosexual Male?

All across world, wives and girlfriends every where are living in affection free and sexless relationships. This epidemic is not of their choosing, but because they are involved with an Autosexual male. The Autosexual is a male (or rarely a female) is perfectly able bodied enough to have a healthy sexual relationship but chooses not to. Whether it is due to an addiction to pornography or a fear of intimacy, this Autosexual male prefers to "take matters in his own hands" at a compulsive rate. He does not seek the company of his significant other for his sexual needs. His needs are met through an autonomous system of self gratification, in private- usually with the use of pornographic material. He has no need for human contact or interaction and rejects it when it is presented.

Some men become Autosexual males in puberty. They may have mental health issues from childhood events or abuse, or personality disorders. Many become addicted to the release they experience through their compulsive "self management" of their sexual needs and curiosities. Others become enchanted with pornography at a very young age and never learn how to have a healthy sexual relationship with another human being. For these men, the reality of being with a living human being with her own thoughts and desires is off putting compared to the simplicity of "women" in pornographic images.

The Autosexual male can also develop this habit during a relationship due to have hard feelings toward his wife or girlfriend that causes him to withhold affection. In these cases, the Autosexual Male deprives his wife or girlfriend of sexual response in order to punish her for something. He begins the cycle of self gratification and chooses it for his sex life.

Sadly in the United States, only 44% of today's couples report being satisfied with their sex lives. Much less than half of the population. Of Autosexual people, 50% are in their forties, 30% are in their teens, and 10% are in their fifties. Of those who chose this life style, 80% are men. Nearly 20% of all divorces occur due to sexual problems between couples.

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*Statistics from: www.marriage.com

Male Sexual Problems

  • 30 million men in the United States suffer from erectile dysfunction.


  • 1 in 10 males suffer from erectile dysfunction.


  • 90% of married males take matters into their own hands at least once a month.


  • 44% of men in sexless relationships say that they are angry with their wives and list this as the main reason they do not want to have sex with them.


  • In relationships with passive aggressive males, 24 % of the females report that their partners stopped having sex with in the beginning of the relationship. 14% percent said that physical intimacy ended in the first year of marriage. 8% said that sex stopped prior to marriage, and 2% percent said that it ended on the honeymoon.


A survey by No-Porn.com revealed the following from 5750 men:

  • 78% said they were addicted to pornography.
  • 57% said they never told anyone about their addiction.
  • 51% said they view porn daily.


**Statistics from Minnesota Men's Center at http://www.mmhc-online.com**

His Perspective

For the Autosexual male, the hassles of courtship and seduction just are not worth the effort. He wants instant gratification without the bother of establishing intimacy with his wife or girlfriend. Pornography does not nag, argue, expect to be taken out to fancy dinners, spend his money, cheat on him, or snap at him. It is easier and more enjoyable for a man to do it himself and get it over with.


Many Autosexual men are those with personality disorders. Men with passive aggressive disorders are unable to communicate hurt feelings effectively in relationships. These males are often agreeable on the outside but keep hurt feelings and resentment hidden deep inside where they churn over it. Instead of working on their problems, passive aggressive males will withhold every thing meaningful from his partner, including sex, as a way of punishing her. He will claim he is too tired or some other excuse, but he will never communicate his real feelings.


Other men enter relationships as healthy contributors to the relationship. They later become Autosexual males due to issues of mistrust with their mate, harsh criticism from a spouse, or from performance anxiety. Some men with erectile dysfunction may fear that they can't deliver. They withdrawal into themselves out of fear of ridicule or to "punish" their spouse for something they have done that he feels is wrong. Men who cannot trust their mates will commonly act out by withholding love and affection or may just no longer feel these things for a partner who has wronged him.

Her Perspective

Females struggling in a relationship with an Autosexual male report feelings of rejection and confusion. The woman in the relationship internalizes her mate's behavior and normally assumes that the problem is the way she looks or his perception of her. It is hard for her to comprehend how a man can choose pornographic images or solitude over a warm body.


Women who are frustrated and angry in their relationships with an Autosexual male need to step back from their feelings and assess what is really going on in the situation and communicate effectively. She should not automatically take the man's lack of response personally until she can arrive at the underlying cause of her mate's behavior.


How to Cope with an Autosexual Male

For couples who cannot talk through their problems, counseling is highly recommended. In order for this to work, both parties must be open willing participants. If the Autosexual male refuses to participate or admit that he has a problem, counseling will not be effective. The female in the relationship must also own her own contributions to the problem.

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Comments 61 comments

Pamela N Red profile image

Pamela N Red 4 years ago from Oklahoma

Great article and an important issue.


Vinaya Ghimire profile image

Vinaya Ghimire 4 years ago from Nepal

Interesting analysis.

What do you think about religious figures who practice celibacy. Are they auto-sexual?


ib radmasters profile image

ib radmasters 4 years ago from Southern California

From my experience, I believe that women can go without sex for a much longer time than men.

The longer that they go without sex, the less they miss it.

If they become autosexual, then batteries and substitutes for men go on the shopping list.

There is of course, a major difference between men and women about what is necessary for sex, as well as the expectations of what sex provides for them.

Today, there are all sorts of horrible diseases that can be transmitted through sexual encounters so, it must be another factor in the autosexual preference.

These are just my observations, and I don't claim to have much knowledge outside of them.

But I would say that for the most part the sexual drive of the average man differs from that of the average woman. Probably because their brains are wired differently, to accomplish different goals.

Thanks


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 4 years ago

Great article and a wake up note for both sexes. There is not much left for both couple, and is up to them to understand the reasons why sex is not so frequent. Due to social etiquette rules, women refrain from pushing the issue in their own hands. But at the end of the day, both will have had the same impulses and reactions.

LORD


PDXKaraokeGuy profile image

PDXKaraokeGuy 4 years ago from Portland, Oregon

excellent hub, Tammy. Shared and interesting. My wife's ex husband was an autosexual and she still sometimes struggles with feelings of rejection, even though we have a very active sex life. Thanks for writing this. It will help me to understand her better!


barryrutherford profile image

barryrutherford 4 years ago from Queensland Australia

so true. people seem more interested in Texting tweeting and playing the social media game that the real relationship game you can see it on the bus see it on the train see it everywhere as humans move through the citywes like ships in the night.


Momma Mia profile image

Momma Mia 4 years ago from North Carolina

I liked this article and I agree... and especially with lord de cross. We all end up with the same needs and reactions at the end of the day. Vote up and such

Great hub!

wishingUwell

Mia


onegreenparachute profile image

onegreenparachute 4 years ago from Greenwood, B.C., Canada

Very interesting Hub. I'm agreeing with barryrutherford. The more we get away from personal contact with facebook, texting etc. the easier it is to slip into easy, no-trouble, non-realtionships. Counting your relationships on fb as proof of social success is much easier than dealing with real relationships requiring real work.

Thanks! Carol


carolinemd21 profile image

carolinemd21 4 years ago from Close to Heaven

Very interesting hub Tammy. Very informative. Thank you for sharing.


tsmog profile image

tsmog 4 years ago from Escondido, CA

Hello Tammy. Great article. Opens doors to understanding. The video on was a good addition, although I don't totally agree with it in etirity. This leads to a the possibility of futher discussions with the opposite of the coin - asexuality. Some choose this as a lifestyle and mix in celibacy. Many see celibacy as complete utter abstince exluding the point of the disccussion you have offered. Voted way up and awesme for sure while thanking for sharing.


Shinkicker profile image

Shinkicker 4 years ago from Scotland

Very interesting article Tammy. I think that old word 'communication' is the key. It solves a lot of problems and makes that connection that's missing.

Cheers, marked up


alocsin profile image

alocsin 4 years ago from Orange County, CA

You know you're dating an autosexual male when he buys more accessories for his car than jewelry for you ;) I like how you present both sides of the issue. Voting this Up and Interesting.


tammyswallow profile image

tammyswallow 4 years ago from North Carolina Author

Thanks for reading Pamela N Red. I appreciate you stopping by.


tammyswallow profile image

tammyswallow 4 years ago from North Carolina Author

Hello Vinaya. I think if religious figures are practicing celibacy like their postion requires, they are asexual. If they do any of the practices listed then they would be autosexual. Great question!


tammyswallow profile image

tammyswallow 4 years ago from North Carolina Author

Ib Radmasters,

You brought up some very great points about the differences between men and women. STD's would be a great deterrent to sex for the single people. But I think you are right, women have the expectation of closeness while men want a release of tension. Different reasons and drive can tear couples apart. Well said!


tammyswallow profile image

tammyswallow 4 years ago from North Carolina Author

Well said Lord. Once that relationship ends, it is difficult for couples to remain close. It is a shame if this happens. Thanks for reading and commenting!


tammyswallow profile image

tammyswallow 4 years ago from North Carolina Author

Thanks for sharing PDX... Many ex husbands are ex's for this very reason. When this is done while in a relationship (outside of physical problems of course), it is pretty selfish on the man's part. You are wise to consider her feelings and let her know she is beautiful.


tammyswallow profile image

tammyswallow 4 years ago from North Carolina Author

Thanks for sharing that barryrutherford. I am glad you mentioned that. I think that the advances in computing, texting and etc.. are a big contributor to this problem. It takes the human contact from one human to another. People rarely even talk on the phone anymore. That was a great observation!


tammyswallow profile image

tammyswallow 4 years ago from North Carolina Author

I think Lord De Cross said something very important to this issue. People really get in their own way sometimes. Thanks for your nice comment and visit and wishing you well too! :)


tammyswallow profile image

tammyswallow 4 years ago from North Carolina Author

Thanks for reading onegreenparachute. I think barryrutherford opened a new can of worms regarding this subject matter. That can play a big role in these problems. Thanks for reading!


tammyswallow profile image

tammyswallow 4 years ago from North Carolina Author

Thanks for your visit carolinmd21! :)


tammyswallow profile image

tammyswallow 4 years ago from North Carolina Author

Thanks for sharing your insights tsmog. My hope would be that an asexual person who plans on being celibate would avoid a relationship or disclose this information before entering a relationship. I am sure that people enter these types of relationships by thinking they could convince the celibate party to change. Thanks for some great discussion!


tammyswallow profile image

tammyswallow 4 years ago from North Carolina Author

That hits the nail on the head Shinkicker. Thank you so much for your comment.


tammyswallow profile image

tammyswallow 4 years ago from North Carolina Author

LOL Alocsin, that is funny... unless you are that woman. Thanks for reading and commenting. I appreciate your visit.


Curiad profile image

Curiad 4 years ago from Lake Charles, LA.

On the other hand, when you have a spouse (female) Like I had, that is the Facebook and Twitter addict,and she drifts away from any type of intimate relationship then is she auto-sexual or just psychologically damaged? I can say that in this case, the reverse is applicable.

Thank you Tammy


tammyswallow profile image

tammyswallow 4 years ago from North Carolina Author

Wow Curiad! It sounds like she may be the type of person who can't be intimate one on one with others.. like she has to hide behind the comfort of a computer screen. Some people are very insecure and only become secure when they can pick and choose what they can show to others like internet addicts. Sounds to me like she was a little bit hollow inside. I am sorry you had to go through all of that. Thanks for your response. There are many reason why our ex's are ex's. :)


Ardie profile image

Ardie 4 years ago from Neverland

Very interesting - I'd never heard of this problem before! I suppose I really do learn something new every day. You and your topics Tammy - I love them :)


kelleyward 4 years ago

Pornography is such a big problem with many people today. This is an important issue that you are bringing to the surface. Voted up!


rajan jolly profile image

rajan jolly 4 years ago from From Mumbai, presently in Jalandhar,INDIA.

tammyswallow, the stats are alarming. Could it be, along with the high incidence of porn addiction, one of the prime reasons for not being able to save a marriage.

Is the virtual world to be blamed for this?

Awesome hub. Voted up & useful.


PDXKaraokeGuy profile image

PDXKaraokeGuy 4 years ago from Portland, Oregon

Tammy, I certainly do what I can!


Alastar Packer profile image

Alastar Packer 4 years ago from North Carolina

What a subject to take on Tammy. You've done a fine article on it though. Suppose in this increasingly push-button world with it's instant gratification some just go the Auto-sex way. What gets me is don't some of them at least remember the joys of the natural process. Guess it's just easy come, easy go, what a shame.


tammyswallow profile image

tammyswallow 4 years ago from North Carolina Author

Thanks so much for saying that Ardie. You rock!


tammyswallow profile image

tammyswallow 4 years ago from North Carolina Author

Thanks for reading kelleyward. It is a big problem as the world becomes more and more internet dependant. Thanks for your visit.


tammyswallow profile image

tammyswallow 4 years ago from North Carolina Author

Thanks for reading rajan jolly. I think that some people don't want to sacrifice their addictions for the sake of their marriages. It is a sad state. I appreciate your visit.


tammyswallow profile image

tammyswallow 4 years ago from North Carolina Author

You are a good fellow PDX!


tammyswallow profile image

tammyswallow 4 years ago from North Carolina Author

Thanks for your response Alastar Packer. I think we are about to have our new generation of 20 somethings that grew up with this as an active lifestyle. They may not know about the natural process. Thanks for visiting!


billybuc profile image

billybuc 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

Fascinating topic! I readily admit that I did not know what it was when I saw your topic heading...sure glad I read it. You have done an excellent job of stating the facts as you always do. Thumbs up and sharing!


tammyswallow profile image

tammyswallow 4 years ago from North Carolina Author

Thank you so much for reading and sharing billybuc. I appreciate it!


anndavis25 profile image

anndavis25 4 years ago from Clearwater, Fl.

Well, thanks for that info. Now I know what to say if the subject is ever brought up. Tell me, Tammy, are there autosexual women? Seems like they would have the same phychological problelms as men.


tammyswallow profile image

tammyswallow 4 years ago from North Carolina Author

Hi Annadavis25. Women can also be autosexuals too, but it isn't as common. Very low numbers of women get attached to pornography and they have lower sex drives. Thanks for reading!


Yaduvanshi profile image

Yaduvanshi 4 years ago from Bharat Vrse

I loved reading this hub it is the reality to a great extent


tammyswallow profile image

tammyswallow 4 years ago from North Carolina Author

Sad, but true. Thanks for reading and commenting Yaduvanshi!


Sadie14 profile image

Sadie14 4 years ago from U.S.

Great hub tammy! I didn't know they had a name for this but it happens a lot. Voted up and interesting!


AudreyHowitt profile image

AudreyHowitt 4 years ago from California

This is the first time I have heard this term, although I have heard of this type of relationship--sad--


rasta1 profile image

rasta1 4 years ago from Jamaica

I didn't even now that there was ever such a problem and it is such a huge problem. good hub


tammyswallow profile image

tammyswallow 4 years ago from North Carolina Author

It really does Sadie14. Thanks for stopping by!


tammyswallow profile image

tammyswallow 4 years ago from North Carolina Author

It is a very tragic relationship. Thanks for reading AudreyHowitt.


tammyswallow profile image

tammyswallow 4 years ago from North Carolina Author

Thanks Rasta1! :)


mroptimistic profile image

mroptimistic 4 years ago from Minneapolis

Wow I am glad I found this site because I am really enjoying reading these hubs. I just found out that I am an autosexual lol. Not to funny but it is true. I think it is important for anyone to know that sexuality dose not make the person you are. This hub made me feel kind of bad about myself and labeled. I just have to remind myself that I am also a great and caring person and I would go out of my way to help many people in need. It is important to not let the guilt of your sexuality get too you. I am a little different. I stay away from relationships in general because I know I do not have what it takes to make one happen. I think I will make a hub in the future from a first hand look at what it is like being an autosexual and how it all began. Whoops if I ruined my hub reputation.


tammyswallow profile image

tammyswallow 4 years ago from North Carolina Author

That is very brave and honest of you mroptimistic. The intention of it wasn't to make anyone feel bad, but perhaps to start some discussion on the subject so that people can work towards happier relationships. I would encourage you to not give up on the idea of being able to have a healthy relationship. Always remember that doesn't mean having a perfect relationship because that does not exist. I would bet you have much to offer someone else. Writing your story could be a great start. Thanks for your heartfelt comment.


Jinorme 4 years ago

Good hub.Thanks a lot for this post. Very useful & well written .Loved it..:)

Visit:http://fullthrottleondemand.com/blog/2012/05/16/va...


old albion profile image

old albion 4 years ago from Lancashire. England.

This is a most informative hub. Written with authority and knowledge. It is helpful in many ways, to many people.

Voted up / interesting / following.

Graham.


tammyswallow profile image

tammyswallow 4 years ago from North Carolina Author

Thank you Graham. It is a pleasure to meet you on Hubpages and I appreciate your kind words.


kingmaxler profile image

kingmaxler 4 years ago from Olympia, Washington USA

Fascinating. I did not even know this existed or was an issue. Your details on the subject were fascinating.


tammyswallow profile image

tammyswallow 4 years ago from North Carolina Author

Thanks kingmaxler. The new era of technology is creating a whole new set of issues and psychological problems. Thanks so much for reading and commenting.


epigramman profile image

epigramman 4 years ago

....Hi Tammy - thank goodness I am not auto or asexual - there are too many pretty girls in this world to be like that - but to each their own I suppose - thank you for this pertinent information and I always enjoy your provocative hub subjects - sending you warm wishes and good energy to you and your family and hoping sincerely that all is well with you - from lake erie time canada 9:17am with second cup of coffee and a typical late November day here but the sun is shining and so is the smile on your lovely face .....


tammyswallow profile image

tammyswallow 4 years ago from North Carolina Author

It is great to see you Epi. Hope all is well on your side of the world!


Kyricus profile image

Kyricus 3 years ago from Ohio

Tammy, I have to agree with ib radmasters comment, I find this occurs much more with females than males. In my two long term relationships, the first a marriage, and the second a 10 year non married one, in both, it was my mate who lost interest in a sexual relationship.

The interesting take on it, was I could discern no "auto" activity on their part. There was no interest in sexual activity of any kind, either with someone else or with themselves. I was actually told, "How can I miss what I don't want."

It's unfortunate for me, and for my relationships, that I require a sexual relationship to remain close, otherwise, we are just friends. And I find that after a time, it's no longer possible to regain what you have lost.

Anyway, well written hub with good points, but, this is a raw subject for me and I just wanted to point out that I think this happens more frequently with women than you may suspect. We only know our own perspectives from our own gender.


Levertis Steele profile image

Levertis Steele 3 years ago from Southern Clime

This is a very informative hub! I never heard of "autosexual" before now.

Mr. Optimistic,

your situation is very mild compared to some I have read about. I am willing to believe that most women with adulterous husbands would rather have an autosexual instead. I was diagnosed with early alzheimers although I do not accept it nor do I believe it. Want to trade? Stay well and optimistic. I know I will.

Thanks, tammyswallow, for another great and helpful hub!


KG 2 years ago

Pretty much.... oh how do i put this?

Tripe. With a dash of bias... misanthropic bias.


fred 17 months ago

How do you solve this problem of autosexual males

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