Incorrect Ways How Guys Have Been Kissing Girls
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By briefly talking about, in my amateur opinion, "the" second-best way to show a girl you are dating just how much you enjoy her company. This is known as kissing. Not on the chin. Not on the nose, but on the lips. Yes, guys. On her lips. Sadly, kissing runs a hot second to giving a girl an expensive diamond as a gift to show her your love for her.
Don't feel to bad, guys. This is a battle that is seldom won by even the best kisser on the planet.
And please do not get angry at me. I did not write "The Rules of Romance."
You must have heard
"There's a right way, a wrong way, and then there's my way," before. This might be just one of the problem areas where guys "think" that they are pleasing their girlfriends (or wives) by how they kiss, but sometimes in years to come, maybe in a heated argument, the truth "will" come out, so guys, you best read "this" piece and learn the things I am presenting.
I am glad to call this piece . . .
Incorrect Ways How Guys Have Been Kissing Girls
If you are this guy, please continue to read
Other incorrect ways guys are kissing girls
Before we begin, please allow me to share a few of the incorrect ways that "some" guys in my area of Alabama used to kiss girls before they learned the error of their ways.
These guys were given cute nick-names for the method they kissed. Here are just a few nick-names given to these pitiful kissers:
- "Woodpecker" - - quickly kisses the girl's lips and moves backward. This procedure was repeated more than nine consecutive times. Oh, it was cute once, but not after that. The girls who kissed the "Woodpecker," seldom dated him more than once.
- "Lazy Lips" - - this guy could barely open his lips to match the pretty lips of his date. In other words, she did all of the work and he received all of the pleasure. "Lazy Lips" joined "Woodpecker" in joining several "Lonely Hearts" dating websites.
- "Sword Swallower" - - was more of a circus side-show than an object of ridicule. Most girls were sent to a state of shock at a guy having a mouth so wide that he could swallow her lips along with her face. "Sword Swallower" did carry on a good fight, but vanished from our society never to be seen or heard from again.
These are only three examples and nick-names given to guys who did not take the time to study girls and how they like to be kissed. These guys fell victim to that old adage: "Grandpa and daddy's way of kissing was good enough for them and it will be okay for me," thus, these guys knew the full-definition of "lonely."
- Now to share more incorrect ways that guys in every part of our nation are not pleasing their female companions by the way that they kiss.
"Kiss Compactor" - - lets his lips apply so much pressure to his date's soft lips, that she freaks out and yells for him to stop. This guy thinks that the harder he presses his date's lips, the more she will love him. Poor guy. Now he probably lives on the sides of interstate highways seeking hand-outs from travelers who stop at the rest stops.
"Slurpy Sam" - - is just like the name. He treats the sweet tasting lips of his girlfriend like the icy treat commonly sold at most convenience stores. He lets his mouth suction his girl's tongue and lips to much that she feels numb for a while. Then politely asks him to take her home due to a face-saving (no pun intended) headache.
"Snake Charmer" - - was once a fascinating guy. I said "once." Somehow he developed a unique way to kiss his dates. He would let his tongue dart in and out and all around the girl's mouth just like a Cobra being charmed in India by a snake charmer playing a flute-like instrument. The guy actually thought his technique was "cute." And he wondered why the girls, when they seen him coming down the hall at their high school or workplace, would vanish like the Dutchman's Gold.
"Nibbling Ned" - - oh, girls, you must have dated this guy. Awkward around girls? Yes. Untrained in the fine art of how to treat females? Yes. Instead of giving a girl a regular kiss, he made it fast and it was over. One nibble and it was time to get home. Out of pity, I will not tell you where guys like this ended up in life.
"Off Center" - - was more of a frustrating way that guys (in a big hurry) would kiss their dates or steady girl. I always assumed it had a lot to do with his sense of vision and not being able to line-up his lips with the lips of the pretty girl as he would kiss the tip of her nose almost every time he kissed her--causing her much embarrassment. Then he would stutter, "Uhh, oops! Point after attempt, no good!" Obviously he was a football fan.
"The Boxer" - - sadly, not the hit song by Simon and Garfunkle, but a dizzy kisser who for some reason thinks that his bobbing and weaving in and out and to the right and left will impress any girl who he is dating. "Boxer," did not design this blurring kiss method, but his hero, "Swingin' Jonny McClain," a high school drop-out who lived near the edge most of his life and convinced "Boxer," that man "must not be tied down," when kissing any girl, as he eloquently put it one night while coaching "Boxer" in a booth at "Marilyn and Parker's All-Night Truck Stop."
"Turtle Man" - - is not tough to understand. This guy acts similarly to a common turtle shy and retiring and very methodical when asking a girl for a date. Oh, he is nice-looking alright with a certain charm about him, but when "that" time of the evening comes where he is standing with his current date at her front door he tries or acts like he does not want to kiss his hot date. When she tries to get him to kiss her, his ducks inside his coat and he giggles like a smitten schoolboy. Does she ever get a kiss? Yes. A quick peck on the cheek and that seals his fate to not get a date with this lovely girl ever again.
Guys, I know what you must be thinking. I don't need this advice, Kenneth. Are you absolutely sure?
There is one sure-fire way to find out. If you have kissed your share of pretty girls on dates and she suddenly spews, "kiss off," then pal, you DO need every word of my advice.
And if you should be so prideful as to ignore my advice, you can "kiss your social life goodbye."
© 2016 Kenneth Avery
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