Why Women Cheat- Infidelity

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Why Women Stray

When you hear the word affair you generally think about a man cheating on a woman . Recent studies suggest that around 40% of women in are involved in extramarital affairs. Women don't statistically cheat because they have a need for more sex. The #1 reason women have affairs is because they are craving an "emotional" connection. They need to feel wanted, they want to feel needed. Women are still considered the primary caregivers for their children, and are often juggling careers as well. Whether or not they work full-time or part-time most of the household responsibility falls on them. This leaves little time or energy to foster emotional bonds with their husbands, and men aren't typically going to take the lead to promote emotional intimacy; over time walls go up between them. And so the need for a man who can appreciate them and see them as more then a caretaker begins. Most of these women don't seek out affairs but more and more they find themselves stumbling into one. At first it doesn't feel like cheating because it is usually a "just friends" type of relationship. A sounding board, a man who makes her feel appreciated. However, as the emotional attachment forms, the woman begins to feel that "she has finally found a man who understands her." By the time this affair becomes sexual there is already such a strong emotional bond that the marriage is in extreme jeopardy. This helps explain why a woman's affair typically lasts much longer then a mans and also why women in affairs are more likely to divorce their spouses.


I've always been curious about a man who cheats with an attached woman.We don't often hear from men on how it feels to be the affair partner, because men are raised to be strong and not show emotion. It's still somewhat a mystery about what a man who becomes involved with an attached woman is thinking - whats he hoping to get from it? If he's single does he think she is going to leave her relationship or is he just thinking he is getting the best of both worlds, sex with no expectations? Is he able to separate sex and emotions, does he become emotionally attached or is he just really good at telling her what she needs to hear. Men are so territorial, how does he make peace with the fact that another man is going where he has been? Or is it an ego boost, a woman is choosing him over her own husband - he must be good. What about the man who becomes emotionally attached and asks his lover to leave her marriage? This can become a very sticky situation, especially if the woman wants to remain married. He is no longer just an affair partner, he is her husbands competitor, and men are extremely competitive. This type of situation can lead to a path of destruction that no one initially bargained for. Women's affairs are an extremely slippery slope because often the emotional connection formed over time is very difficult to break. If you find yourself seeking out or falling into an affair, it would be wise to consider first all the possible scenarios and ask yourself if you are ready to face the potential fallout.


Not just women's affairs but all affairs are devastating and very rarely do people who leave their relationships for their affair partners go on to have a lasting relationship with the new partner. Often, someone involved in an affair is lacking something within themselves and that needs to be addressed before the can commit fully to anyone. Whether you are the other man, the other women or the cheating spouse, you are all partly responsible for pain you have inflicted on the innocent spouse. It is my belief however, that no matter how much easier it is to blame the affair partner (because you don't want to believe that the person you love so much would intentionally inflict so much pain on you) that it is the spouses responsibility to uphold their vows and not allow affairs to begin in the first place. Yes, the affair partner is to blame as well, but they didn't make a commitment to you, your spouse did. Given all we know about affairs and they destruction they cause, are the even worth it?


My friend "Jill" is cheating on her husband and the reason she gives is that "he doesn't show her affection, appreciate her and that she is lonely" Jill tells me her affair partner makes her feel smart and beautiful and he hangs on her every word. Jill says she feels validated by her affair partner, but as much as she loves her time with him she has no intention of ever telling her husband or leaving him. She often tell me that she has worked to hard to build the life she has with her husband and the kids would be devastated. Her main reason for staying is the kids and I also think it's because her husband gives her a lifestyle that her affair partner could never maintain. I love my friend Jill and I try not to judge her but I tell her what she is doing is wrong and she's going to get caught (and possibly lose everything). It's sad because Jill swears she has talked to her husband many times to tell him she feels lonely and rejected but he doesn't do anything to change things. I am against cheating but it really makes me understand how it can happen when I hear stories like this. I'm not saying it's justified, Jill could do more. I think she needs to find a way to make her husband listen and understand and I think she has to walk, no run from the situation she is in as fast as she can. I know her husband, he is stubborn. If he finds out he will leave her and he will try and take everything from her (including the kids). What boggles my mind is that Jill knows this as well, yet she is so wrapped up in her affair that she is willing to take that gamble. Affairs have the ability to really mess with reality. I think people really need to think long and hard about what they stand to lose.


* Jill is a made up name, no friend was harmed in the writing of this hub.

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Comments 21 comments

Alladream74 profile image

Alladream74 5 years ago from Oakland, California

The complications of relationships well laid out.An interesting read for any man to better understand roles in a relationship


cheatlierepeat profile image

cheatlierepeat 5 years ago from Canada Author

Would love to hear from men who have been involved with a married/commited woman. What was your experience? Did it end badly?

I also would love to know if you (general public) believe that men involved with married/commited women face the same issues as women involved with married/commited men? It seems the two types of affairs end differently or with less complication is your a male affair partner.


cheatlierepeat profile image

cheatlierepeat 5 years ago from Canada Author

Thanks Alladream. I found the research very interesting. It seems women are judged more harshly when they have affairs, yet opinions show that we are more understanding of the reasons why women have affairs. I came across a lot of beliefs that women fall into affairs because they need emotional closeness (like a "poor them" attitude) but when people discuss men having affairs, he is often labelled as a dog seeking more sex. Yet when caught, she was a horrible weak person and he was "oh, typical man". This wasn't the opinion across the board but I came across that view repeatedly and I found it very interesting.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

11/22/2011

Hi, cheatlierepeat . . .GREAT read. Voted up and all but funny. You have really masterfully-presented a touchy subject with such flair and ease that I am humbled by your talent. YOU are not only God-gifted, but so interesting; in-depth and thorough. Loved this work. I shall read more of your hubs. And now, I am a fan and a follower. And you are invited to check out my hubs, if you should need a good laugh. Honest. And I would love to have you follow me so you can correct me when I am wrong about something. I have a thick skin. And head to match. Happy Thanksgiving and stay in touch. Kenneth Avery, from a small town, Hamilton, in northwest Alabama that looks like Mayberry on the Andy Griffith Show.


cheatlierepeat profile image

cheatlierepeat 5 years ago from Canada Author

Thank you. I appreciate your words so much and have responded to your fan mail and am now a follower of yours as well. As I said in my earlier response, I am touched and humbled that you would take the time to write such kind things.


oldandwise 5 years ago

Well done! voted up.


cheatlierepeat profile image

cheatlierepeat 5 years ago from Canada Author

Thank you oldandwise, I appreciate your comment.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

cheatlierepeat...Thank YOU sincerely...for this warm gesture of yours that shall NOT be forgotten. I have influence in Heaven, but dont tell everyone. Good night. KENNETH


cheatlierepeat profile image

cheatlierepeat 5 years ago from Canada Author

It's been my honor Kenneth. I wont spread it around ;)


kikalina profile image

kikalina 5 years ago from Europe

what you said is so true!


cheatlierepeat profile image

cheatlierepeat 5 years ago from Canada Author

I think so to Kikalina. Thank you for the comment.


lostsoul78 4 years ago

my wife acted strangely recently. she start avoiding me and even worst she lose interest having sex. i have a question, is it normal for a woman having white color liquid look similar like sperm coming out of their vagina. since i have realized this a couple of times when we are having sex. she told me it's normal. can anyone help me with this.. thanks


cheatlierepeat profile image

cheatlierepeat 4 years ago from Canada Author

Yes lost soul, that can be considered normal and is common as well for women at different stages of their cycle. I hope everything works out for the two of you. Happy New Year!


CJ Sledgehammer 4 years ago

Dear Cheatlierepeat:

I am so sorry to hear that you have suffered an emotional loss through divorce and the death of hopes and dreams.

I'm afraid I know what you have been through, but I've been on the road to recovery for a bit longer than you have. Keep your chin up and don't forget how to smile.

Your ex-husband reminds me of my ex-wife.

I think at the end of the day there is no justification for infidelity. Your friend, "Jill", didn't have it any worse than I did, but I never stuped to cheating...I took my oaths and promises seriously and they were never contingent on whether my wife was loyal to her post.

It was simply a matter of me being true to my standards and being true to God.


cheatlierepeat profile image

cheatlierepeat 4 years ago from Canada Author

CJ, thank you! It is a devastating blow at the time and for a long time afterwards. I really embraced the experience as a chance to grow, to learn and to do better. He left me with so much work to do on myself. To find a way to love me and appreciate me as just a single, not someone's partner.

I did the work, I found an amazing woman in the process (me), a woman I used to know but lost along the way. It has been the most painful yet rewarding experience of my life. I am so happy now, have such a good man in my life ( seriously, he is practically perfect) my ex didn't do his work after, and he now wanders through his life sad, alone and repeating the same mistakes. He has not seen our son for over a year ( he lost everything) the only part that still upsets me is the way he has let down our child, I never believed he would drop out of his life as well. But, my son has an amazing soon to be step dad who has been a more positive force in his life than his dad was.

You are right, there is no justification for cheating. It's so sneaky, selfish and hateful. It's a terrible thing to do to someone who loves and trusts you. You sound like a wonderful man and I hope your journey has been blessed with lots of happiness as well. Best wishes for your future. I'm very sorry that you had to endure the pain of infidelity


CJ Sledgehammer 4 years ago

Thank you for the kind words, Cheatlierepeat, and I am happy to hear that you have found happiness with a good man.

Indeed. My ex-wife has not seen our children in 5 years. Not a phone call, not a birthday card...nothing. I think she thinks she is hurting me, but all she has done is cause herself pain.

What she never considered is that we were capable of moving on without her and flourish in her absence. And, that is the greatest revenge of all. :0)


cheatlierepeat profile image

cheatlierepeat 4 years ago from Canada Author

It is truly the greatest revenge. I love, love, love your last paragraph. So true, we moved on and flourished as well.


TIMETRAVELER2 profile image

TIMETRAVELER2 4 years ago

The thing that interests me about cheaters is that they rarely want to make the sacrifices required to walk away from the life they have. In other words, they want to have their cake and eat it, too. This speaks to a lack of moral fiber in the person who is doing the cheating. If the relationship is bad, walk away. If it's worthwhile, do what you can to save it. Cheating ruins relationships. Your friend is a coward, and I feel sorry for her husband and children. That may sound judgmental, but the truth is still the truth.


cheatlierepeat profile image

cheatlierepeat 4 years ago from Canada Author

I completely agree! My ex husband was a cake eater, she is a cake eater and they and other cheaters are the most selfish people among us. I am always shocked at their "I'm not hurting anyone attitude" even if the spouses never find out, they are indeed being lied to and being robbed of a healthy, honest, committed relationship. If that comment make you judgemental, than I am a judgemental person as well. I have zero tolerance for cheaters, I think the behaviour is disgusting!


Amanacer 4 years ago from central florida

I thank you for this Hub. It was very interesting and has opened my mind to a great deal more than just me and my feelings. You also made me understand that there is a point where lines have been crossed or about to be crossed which can effect the people or families involved. Thank you.....


cheatlierepeat profile image

cheatlierepeat 4 years ago from Canada Author

You are very welcome. I'm glad it was helpful. Affairs are complicated and there is a lot to consider. So many people are affected by affairs, not just the two people in the committed relationship. It's sad.

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