Insults, Compliments and Hot Potatoes

farconville @ freedigitalphotos.net
farconville @ freedigitalphotos.net
anankkml @ freedigitalphotos.net
anankkml @ freedigitalphotos.net

Hot Potatoes

.

Confirmed by the The free dictionary a hot potato is

  • an awkward or delicate matter,
  • a problem that is so controversial or sensitive that those handling it risk unpleasant consequences,
  • a difficult situation,
  • a complex or critical or unusual difficulty,
  • a dangerous situation developed suddenly,
  • a specific vegetable heated to a point where it will burn you when you touch it with your bare hands.


I now have the audacity to add two hot potatoes, namely a compliment and an insult.

A Compliment

digitalart @ freedigitalphotos.net
digitalart @ freedigitalphotos.net

What is a compliment?

  • A formal act of civility, courtesy, or respect,
  • Good wishes; regards.

You're a star!

stay2gether @ freedigitalphotos.net
stay2gether @ freedigitalphotos.net

Different kinds of compliments:

  • Heartfelt compliments come out of our hearts. They are sincere and honest. “I love you,” is surely the best compliment we can give to another person, and there are others in this category – 'I like you', 'I adore you', 'I believe you', 'I am following you', 'I enjoy listing to (or reading) your ideas/plans/perceptive/perceptions'.
  • Expressing our approval and appreciation is allowable in certain circumstances and at specific occasions such as annual award ceremonies. HubPages and other sites give us the opportunity to pay sincere compliments to others who dare to expose their thoughts and talents. With a simple ‘like’ or ‘thumbs up’ we pay compliments and we even have the opportunity to leave comments, emphasizing our approval and appreciation with words such as ‘I agree with you’, ‘I am impressed by the way you illuminated the topic’.
  • With excessive or insincere praise we most certainly over-expose and embarrass others. Only we know when praise are excessive and insincere; our interpretations depend on our self-esteem. The reasons why we give excessive and insincere praise are legio and irrelevant to this particular hub.

An insult

stockimages @ freedigitalphotos.net
stockimages @ freedigitalphotos.net

What is an insult?

Relevant to this topic an insult is -

  • An offensive action or remark,
  • Treating another person with gross insensitivity, insolence, or contemptuous rudeness.
  • Affronting, humiliating, assaulting or demeaning another person (and even one self).

Different kinds of Insults

  • We insult others discreetly when we ignore them deliberately and especially when a response is expected from us,
  • Outspoken critic, and in particularly in the presence of others, is not only insulting others but also ourselves. Even constructive critic could be categorized as insults and ought to be given privately with discretion and wise self-restraint.
  • Yelling and swearing at others are rude, indecent and unacceptable insults to others and self.

Compliments and insults fall in the same category

Compliments and insults fall in the same category - they both make us feel uncomfortable, although not all of them with the same intensity. They are at least embarrassing and at the most hard to deal with.

Like hot potatoes would burn our tongues and the palms of our hands, insults as well as compliments burn our senses and soul.

This is my personal opinion. Readers are welcome to disagree with me -

We humans are not born with a need for compliments and insults; we develop the need when our needs for recognition and love are not properly satisfied. All we want to be is our true self. Our need is to be accepted, acknowledged and respected for being the specific and unique member of Homo sapiens we are.

With compliments and insults we distinguish and classify each other. Although we are individuals, we don’t want to be labeled and classified. We simply need to be part of the herd and not outsiders trying to prove that we belong in the save environment (herd) as all the others.

If we regard compliments as a proof that we are recognized and loved and insults as a proof that we are recognized and hated, we have a crooked perception of recognition, love and hate.

  • I ask myself why a person would accept himself as a loser. What happened to the fighting spirit he was born with – the urge to live and multiply? Winning (our own battles) is certainly not easy. But surely possible. We only have to look at the achievements of people with severe disabilities. (Ref: the recent Paralympic Games involving athletes with a range of physical and intellectual disabilities. Insecurity can disable us to a point of total incapableness. We have to overcome insecurity just the way those paraplegics overcome their disabilities.

It is normal to be incapable of accepting compliments and insults. Some of us (with high aspirations and ideals) are more aware of our shortcomings while others are more aware of their virtues. Nevertheless, compliments and insults only emphasize parts of us and NOT our entire being. Therefore compliments and insults make us feel uncomfortable, like we would feel when we look into a shattered mirror.

I am not saying that compliments should never be given; I am merely stressing the feelings we arouse in each other when we haphazardly dish them out. Insulting others, on the other hand, should never be considered, but wisely turned into constructive critic addressing a specific matter and not a person.

Special Compliments belong in Special Relationships

How to handle compliments and insults

Handling compliments and insults is an art to be mastered.

We need to accept compliments AND insults THROUGH the eyes of the giver, for beauty and also ugliness are in the eye of the beholder. So instead of looking at our vulnerable self, the who/what we believe/know we are, we should focus on the person who has the decency/courage/love/hate/audacity in their heart to give us a compliment or an insult.

  • How can we insult a person giving us a compliment by throwing it back in his face: “You idiot, can’t you see my shortcomings?
  • How would we be able to enlighten a person who insults us? “Excuse me, Sir, but can’t you see the rest of me, or at least one or two of my better qualities?

RATHER TRY ~

  • As a response on a compliment: “Thank you for being such a nice and generous person, honoring me with a compliment.”
  • As a response on an insult: “I don’t need insults, thank you! Please keep them in your own thoughts.”

Nellieanna suggested the following ~

"I'm touched and delighted by what you do," rather than "You're so wonderful";

"I'm repelled by what you do" rather than "You're such a mess!"

~

In the fire of compliments (or insults) our challenge should be to hold on to our dignity and not to project our personal incapability to handle our feelings onto the person shooting us with their personal opinions. After all, THEIR opinions are but only theirs. We will never find our True Self in the opinions of others.

  • We would get a more authentic picture of our self when we assess the way people treat us and also their spontaneous utterings.
  • But then we also have to remember Napoleon Hill’s warning: “… what great victories does a person have to their credit to judge others accurately?”

My dearest mother in CyberSpace, Nellieanna Hay, reminded me of a poem called IF...

Source

When compliments and insults will no longer have an effect on us -

.

IF

If you can keep your head when all about you


Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;


If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,


But make allowance for their doubting too;

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,


Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,


Or being hated don’t give way to hating,


And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;


If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim,


If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster


And treat those two impostors just the same;

If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken


Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,


Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,


And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings


And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,


And lose, and start again at your beginnings


And never breathe a word about your loss;


If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew


To serve your turn long after they are gone,


And so hold on when there is nothing in you


Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,


Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,


If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,


If all men count with you, but none too much;

If you can fill the unforgiving minute


With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,


Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,


And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!

~~~~

(Written in 1895 by British Nobel laureate Rudyard Kipling.)

Stuart Miles @ freedigitalphotos.net
Stuart Miles @ freedigitalphotos.net
Source

My sincere thanks to Kallini2010

aka Svetlana for encouraging me to convert a comment I have left in her corner into this particular hub.

A last thought

More by this Author


Comments 81 comments

Sunshine625 profile image

Sunshine625 4 years ago from Orlando, FL

I used to have trouble accepting compliments until Oprah told me (via her TV show, not personally) that we should accept compliments with a smile and gratitude. So I have learned to adjust, I've also learned to give more compliments. For insults...I don't give them and I'd rather not receive them, but if one comes my way I can handle it, it's someone elses opinion which they are entitled to. You're a star SAA! :)


coffeegginmyrice profile image

coffeegginmyrice 4 years ago from Toronto, Ontario

Having to understand what anxiety is, how it happens and when it affects our life, makes us a better person-- teaching us how to face compliments (good or bad), how to deal on insults, on how to become assertive (positive assertiveness), etc.

Hot potato! We have to be clever in handling it. Cheers to a useful and interesting hub!


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO

Interesting topic! I have always been intrigued with human behavior. I've noticed that compliments and insults are hot potatoes! We do want to toss them quickly so "all eyes are elsewhere" don't you think?

What's weird too is - as humans, we make up our minds quite quickly as to weather we "like" someone or not. But if you think about it - we don't really know most people well enough to judge their whole person. Another weird thing is that we tend to "not like" things about people that we don't like about our own selves!! Ha! So when ever I meet someone and I start thinking stuff like "well I just don't like what that person did"...I start to look inward and see if there's a nagging thing about me I'm reflecting?!?!

Excellent and interesting!


kallini2010 profile image

kallini2010 4 years ago from Toronto, Canada

My dear Martie:

Strangely, it was not what I expected... I am really glad that you followed my advice/plea/suggestion to publish it.

I re-read your comment and I was wondering - why those ideas got so twisted in my head? And where exactly I derailed? Maybe, my lateral thinking...

But, again -

because you "framed" your comment,

I was able to pay more attention to it. The way it was, not the way I imagined it.

I should say that I am not against compliments at all and I praise people generously. Only when I mean it. It is the insincere praise that irritates me, the praise that is so far out that you have to be totally blind not to see that it is not even close to you!

Maybe I do differentiate praise through the eyes of the giver - and when I see someone sincerely exaggerating my good qualities because s/he is so taken... I am OK with that - it is all in good spirit.

There is another sort of praise when I have a distinct feeling that all that is being said is translated into "I want something from you... let me butter you up..."

Maybe I was never specific enough about my "You are so beautiful!" - it is those people whom I want to ask "What do you want?!"

I think those compliments are closer to insults.

But in general, I think we handle both (compliments, insults and hot potatoes according to the situation) - especially hot potatoes - I love those!!! Put on some gloves, get them out of the fire and eat them! They are so delicious!!!

This is a LIBIDO picture - you don't bake potatoes on a fire, you bake them on the coals and they look like coals themselves, but inside...

mmm

YUMMY!!!

You really made me want to go on a picnic to bake potatoes!

And I'll throw a couple of compliments and a couple of insults

just for the fun of it!

Unfortunately, I am generous with both. It is my passion and a really bad training - my mother never knew how to stop. So, she did not. And when I am irritated, I am throwing those hot potatoes... but mostly with people I know well enough and who are close to me. Aren't they lucky? I am horrible. I know.

Overall, I think it is a very hot potato for most of us - even for those who deny that they are pleased to receive praise or disturbed to be insulted.

If someone says something rather questionable and I am in a relatively good spirit and I want to deflect it with some humor, I usually say:

"Is this a compliment or an invitation for a fight?"

Sounds like a good title for a hub!


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Hi Sunshine, you and I are on the same page, as always. I must say it took me many years to accept compliments with a mere 'Thank you!' and a smile. And guess who was my 'role model' - my own daughter. I was so surprise to see with how much grace she could handle compliments AND insults, while I went 'uhm' and 'ah' and 'Oh, this dress was with Noah in the ark... and these shoes were on sale.... " Linda, I hope many will one day say, 'I used to have trouble accepting compliments until I read a hub somewhere on the Internet......" Hugs to you!


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

coffeegginmyrice, anxiety, so often instigated by insecurity, make us incapable of handling many things. I remember a time when I would choke with anxiety when a man gave me a compliment by merely winking at me. When insecure, we tend to regard compliments as threads and insults as pain we deserve. People are complicated beings. Thank you for your insightful comment.


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

RealHousewife, thank you for your excellent comment. I am only going to add one word: Amen!

Every word so true! Thank you!


Docmo profile image

Docmo 4 years ago from UK

Like sunshine I too had trouble accepting compliments until I learnt to graciously accept them. I used to over sensitive to insults and that too has withered with age. To me these hot potatoes are all about specificity. I always frame a compliment and explain why something is considered to be worthy of complimenting by me. I rarely insult, instead I feed back on bad behaviour. Sometimes-people try to get a rise out of us through both , and often non specific compliments or insults. I now teach my students on not only how to accept compliments but also to seek specificity and learn from them, similarly with complaints to see past the initial annoyance to see whether we could learn anything. As for this hub, Martie... I love the way you developed the idea, propounded the insights and gave us food for thought. Like many an inspirational talk sometimes I look for key messages... I really got your message here. Awesome.


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Kallini - you've thrown a lot of topics of discussion on the table in this comment of yours! So true, we read, but we interpret what we read - actually not even all of it, but only certain parts - in accordance with our mind-set at the specific time. I can take the comment I've left you - the One - and use it as an angle for a couple of hubs with different topics. And this is the reason why they call the Bible the 'Living Word', and, of course, so are all writings 'living words'...

I better say 'amen' to the rest of your lively and lovely comment, or else I am going to write a hub of a reply. If ever we meet each other in real life, we will definitely talk the hind legs off of many donkeys. In the meantime, let's hub! Thank you so much for your (very) thought-provoking comment :)


marcoujor profile image

marcoujor 4 years ago from Jeffersonville PA

Oh Sista,

I was so ready to leave you some silly ass comment like...

I HATE when you are able to put it all out there...and yet it makes me LOVE you all the more.

Then, I started crying when you threw that Neil Diamond in there...

Sista, the hot potato to me is trying to say the right thing for the right reason. And the secret is always how I am feeling about myself. The most innocent compliment can be an indirect stressor when I am low. Likewise, it is easier to slough insults or even misspoken words off when I am in good form.

I am glad Svetlana encouraged you to share this. I hope everyone checks out her perspective as well. Voted UP and UABI. Hugs, Maria


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Hi Docmo! I agree all the way with you. We have to pay compliments when it is due, and we even have to insult when it is due, but we have to learn how to do it without embarrassing the receiver. What a tall order! I want to assure you that your lovely compliments to me never embarrass me. You have style, charm and actually all it takes to make a person feel honored and contented. I also noticed the way you've handled an insult, and I took my hat off for you. So if you by all means got a message such as 'stop giving me compliments', just hear me shout, 'Nooo! You've read me wrong!" LOL! Thank you so much for your continuous support, Docmo :)


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

My clever and always collected sista, marcoujor, I am going to emphasize a few of your sentences just because they emphasize my believe that we should acquire the ability to evaluate compliments and insults objectively through the eyes of the giver ~ "And the secret is always how I am feeling about myself. The most innocent compliment can be an indirect stressor when I am low. Likewise, it is easier to slough insults or even misspoken words off when I am in good form."

Therefor the safest way of handling compliments and insults is to say 'Thank you!' for a compliment and 'No, thank you!' for an insult.

Maria, you and I are sisters in Cyberspace. Now that is a Special Relationship. So I may say to you, "You are absolutely awesome!"


fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

The most important lessons in life, (at least the majority of them,) I learned quite well, at a young age, from the wisest man I've ever known. My Dad. He suggested we accept a compliment at face value, with grace and courtesy. Thank the person and return a kind word.

As for insults? Since my father's belief was that "insults" come only from jealousy or envy, spoken by individuals hoping to drag you down to their level.....the only appropriate response to an insult should be, "There, now, let's hope you feel a lot better about yourself, by pointing out a flaw in me."........

I have followed his advice forever. Needless to say, I don't get many insults............Very good hub, Martie!! .....UP+++


Ruchira profile image

Ruchira 4 years ago from United States

Great hub, Martie.

I have problems dealing with compliments or insults and sadly my face becomes all red and I am blushing either ways...lol

I am still learning this journey of accepting it without a blush so that I don't let people judge me...lol

good topic indeed, Martie!


MickeySr profile image

MickeySr 4 years ago from Hershey, Pa.

I'm not at all happy with the manner in which I seem to have settled on when receiving a compliment, well, a certain compliment . If I'm complimented on something I'm not solidly sure about, I'm genuinely appreciative and take it as a great encouragement . . . if someone says something I said was funny I take it, if someone praises my writing I take it, if someone has a favorable review of something I suggested (music, film, food, etc) I take it, etc, etc - but when people say I'm smart, I blow it all out of proportion and pretend arrogance and assert I'm far smarter than anyone else, etc.

It's that, this is something I am sure about, and I'm sure I'm not as smart as I am often perceived, and, this is something that I had a great struggle with early in life - rather than just say 'thank you' and rather than protest and rather than try to explain, etc, etc, I've come to kind of side-step the whole thing by presenting an ugly (but hopefully recognized humorous) self-assuredness boldly announcing I'm even smarter than they think, in a condescending manner. As I said, I'm not exactly happy with how I deal with this compliment, but at the time, it seems my best course is to mockingly side-step the matter.

As for insults, I can so 'take it' that I'm commonly glad that it's aimed at me and not others. I own an uncanny capacity to not care what others think of me, if they're thinking is accurate . . . however, I care too much what my loved ones think of me - I need my wife and kids to love me over-flowingly and to count me their hero, the rest of the world can insult me all they want.


Pamela99 profile image

Pamela99 4 years ago from United States

Martie, This is such an unusual hub from what I expected when I started reading. I use to have a hard time with compliments also, saying something like, "Oh, this old thing?" Now, I graciously thank the person. I don't like insults but will accept constructive criticism, but I don't like insults, although I seldom seem to get them. I agreed with your hub and it made me think about my responses to other people. Very good hub - voted up!!!


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

fpher, thank you for your most relevant comment. If I dig very deep into my memory, I might find one or three compliments I've received while I was a child. My parents - EVERYBODY - were Christians who believed all praise belongs to God. So the nearest to a compliment I would received, was: "Thank you, God, for helping Martie to pass her exams with a distinction. Please help her to stay humble and grateful, knowing that You have blessed her with......"

Amen!

I remember while my aunts were bragging about their children, my mother would not say 'boe' or 'ba' about any of my achievements. It was not in her nature to brag..... and actually her bragging about me would have been a compliment to me...

Insults from adults were also scarce in my childhood and fortunately I was cheeky enough to handle those that were given by envious peers. But insults eventually brought me down during my marriage, so I was for many years desperately in search of recognition and thank goodness I finally got it all and more. Enough to last me for the rest of my life. (I hope!) It is quite interesting to review my past, evaluating my development in this specific field.

But what really matters, is NOW. I've done all the courses, I've grown hair on my teeth and many extra layers of skin, so I can call myself today a qualified and accomplished giver and receiver of compliments and insults.

Thank you so much, Paula. May your comment inspire some fathers to advice their children AND to give them the compliments they need. Compliments are very much like iron. They do strengthen our self-esteem.


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Ruchira, I do believe that some compliments will always make us blush. Just a proof how uncomfortable we feel with a 'hot potato' all of a sudden in our hands. In situations like this we should be more careful not to insult the giver. I normally just bite my tongue, or say, "Come on, don't make me blush like this!" The worse is when you are on a stage, receiving a bouquet of flowers and a list of compliments, facing a crowd! We DO need and appreciate this kind of recognition, but oh boy, the bright spotlight is almost unbearable! Fortunately this last only a minute, thereafter we can relax. Thank you for your nice comment, Ruchira.


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Lol, Mickey! Yes, I've noticed your tactic - pretend arrogance and assert you are by far smarter than anyone. ROFL every time I see it. You are truly adorable when you do that, Mickey. As I've stressed in my hub - we know the mistakes we have made because we are not 100% smart, and sometimes we regret those mistakes - they are sensitive wounds in our souls. So if somebody say we are smart, they actually irritate those wounds. Of course, we then apply our self-protecting tactics. Yours, are fine, Mickey.... Smart!

I envy you your uncanny capacity to not care what others think of you. Though I must add that I have eventually obtained it myself, though it is still not firmly settled in me.

True love means inter alia giving power to make or break us to the one(s) we love. Compliments from my children and the man I love, make me, and insults coming from them will certainly break me. Now just figure we get only insults from those we truly love?

Mickey, your perspective on compliments and insults certainly improves my hubs. I must say, although you are partly an asshole, the biggest part of you is SMART. If you disagree, I am going to fetch that A-Z list I've made of your smart-side and post it right here.

Just put it in your pipe and smoke it!


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Pamela, your lovely comment is a compliment to me. Thank you! I believe we would be safe in the comfort zone we create for ourselves, where we just don't allow people who tend to insult us. Unfortunately we could easily be trapped in a zone with somebody, or even with more than one, who takes pleasure from insulting us. Those damn bullies! Apart from a 'fatal attraction', we find them where we have to earn our bread and butter. If we don't create an emotional distance, they will turn our life into a living hell. In this situation coping with insults is a daring challenge and also an opportunity to become stronger and smarter. Thank you so much for your meaningful comment, Pam! Much aprreciated!


kallini2010 profile image

kallini2010 4 years ago from Toronto, Canada

Martie, I agree with you - I just wrote an answer to a comment on my "Am I good enough?" written by Docmo, but it was heavily influenced by "Insults & Compliments".

So, if you are interested in my tangent thinking, ha-ha-ha!

I still think, that it was a wonderful idea for you to publish this hub - look how many people "love" and "able to handle" compliments!!!


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Kallini, I am always interested in your tangent thinking! Now let me go check your answer.... :)


kallini2010 profile image

kallini2010 4 years ago from Toronto, Canada

As always brimming with ideas, but not actual hubs, I have had this little thing - to write about actual compliments and I asked the question on HP - but it is hard to collect them, so I thought

while we are on the topic

can your readers share the actual BEST compliments?

Thanks to all for cooperation!

http://kallini2010.hubpages.com/question/197761/wh...


tammyswallow profile image

tammyswallow 4 years ago from North Carolina

This is a great topic that needs this level of distinction. I was usually leery of compliments. It is something we must learn to accept but I think it is natural to question the motives behind them. I have learned there are people in this world who are genuinley kind & complimentary. At least with insults the motives aren't hidden. People who make rude comments for the sake of being rude usually mistake assertiveness for strength and the lack of control behind making rude comments instead shows a person's weaknesses. This is one of the more creative hubs I have read in awhile.


MelChi profile image

MelChi 4 years ago from Cape Town, South Africa

Martie, you hit the nail on the head with this article! My goodness, why is it so difficult for most of us to accept a compliment? It's not as though they're thrown at us at every moment, every day. And yet, more often than not I find myself saying something like, "oh thanks, I only did it because...", or "thanks, yours is a lot better..." I'm a lot better than what I used to be, but I still have a problem with taking a compliment without trying to divert the attention immediately away. It's ridiculous! Lol! Loved the article! Voted up - awesome and interesting! :)


Faith Reaper profile image

Faith Reaper 4 years ago from southern USA

Martie, it has taken a long time for me to accept a compliment, as I guess it stems from being so insecure in my childhod. But I know the gift of encouragment is so important when you know that person is writing from their heart, especially here HP. The nasty comments serve no purpose at all. The tongue is such a small thing, but it can give life or death. Thanks for the great insight here. Voted Up and awesome and interesting.


Mike Robbers profile image

Mike Robbers 4 years ago from London

I totally agree,, compliments and insults can fall in the same category, as people develop the need for both recognition and rejection - especially nowadays that we face tons of mediated "comparisons" regarding peoples' skills.

Quite interesting hub Martie and deep psychological views ( sorry for giving you a compliment :P )


tillsontitan profile image

tillsontitan 4 years ago from New York

Not only is this a great hub but the comments are too. How do I add to all the wisdom already shown by you and your followers?

"The happiness of life is made up of minute fractions - the little, soon forgotten charities of a kiss or a smile, a kind look or heartfelt compliment. " Samuel Taylor Coleridge

Voted up, useful, awesome, and interesting.


Rosemay50 profile image

Rosemay50 4 years ago from Hawkes Bay - NewZealand

A very good topic and food for thought Martie. As you know I had my own battle of insults during my marriage. They chipped away at me over the years until I became a shadow and neither expected nor deserved compliments. It is only since that I have learned to gracefully accept them and now enjoy a compliment and always thank those that give them. I do like to give compliments when I am impressed with someone or something that they did.

As for insults, I really don't really get any now but the odd one I just ignore, not worth a response. If they are seeking a reaction they are sadly disppointed. Having said that there has been once or twice when I felt insulted and not in the highest of spirits when I have bitten and regretted it.

I think too we can all too often take things the wrong way, and we have to wonder when an insult is an insult. The other week I had someone comment on a poem, simply saying "I like the picture" I smiled, didn't he like my poem then? Was that an insult or was he just MORE taken with the picture.

Here I am waffling again. You always seem to give me lots to thing about and draw out long comments from me. Lol

And yes I am pushing the buttons on this one because you made me think.


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Thank you, Kallini! I've just answered your question. If you don't mind I would like to add a link to your question in this hub. There are some beautiful, heartfelt compliments in there.


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Hi Tammy! We certainly must question the motives of all compliments, in other words, look at them through the eyes of the giver, accept them from whom they come. Our gut feeling will warn us when the giver has any secret intentions. Unfortunately, if we like/love the giver, if our heart is open for him, our mind will try to shut the voice of our gut feeling.

There are people insulting others just because they are uneducated and ill-mannered. They have no clue how rude they really are. Then there are those nasty people insulting you with what they and their kind call compliments. When you realize the hidden rudeness, they call it 'leg-pulling'. Most people are terribly rude and full of themselves. You know the saying, 'There is no-one more empty than the one full of himself'.

Thank you for the compliment, Tammy. Coming from you, I feel honored.


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

MelChi, my fellow-South African, yes, rambling those verbal blushes is like blowing cool air on a hot potato. Let's face it, we DO need compliments - outspoken approval. Our insecurity prevent us from accepting it. Have you ever noticed that some people receive heartfelt compliments daily, yet they are not able to take one of them to heart. They are buried in their own insecurity and inferior complex. Only a miracle can raise them. Thanks for your relevant and lovely comment :)


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Faith Reaper, and I was just talking about insecurity. Sometimes I wonder why it takes so long for people to acquire self-assurance, while it is so easy to acquire bad habits. Too much love spoil us and too little mutilate our souls. So exactly where is the line? The enough we should give our children?

Somewhere up this thread of comments I've given my parents' perceptive on compliments and praise. "All praise are meant to be given to God." So according to Christian dogma we humans are insignificant and futile. As the Scripture says, not even our best deeds are good. It is quite impossible for us to accept what we know/think/believe belongs to God. I've noticed that atheists seem to be more self-assured, because they believe in themselves. This is actually a serious issue. We can discuss this forever and a day. Thank you for your insightful comment :)


kallini2010 profile image

kallini2010 4 years ago from Toronto, Canada

Of course, Martie, if the link would make a difference - everybody has already read your hub so it might be too late. But those wonderful compliments made me feel much better!


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Hi Mike! I appreciate your compliment! Geezz, would I have published this hub with a hope to earn insults? To be honest, and you are welcome to disagree with me, I believe that we do what we do to receive either compliments (approval and praise) or money. Hopefully both. If we receive only money - a lot of money - we don't care about compliments. Maybe I don't look deep enough, but wealthy people seem to be immune to insults. So considering the few dollars I will earn with this hub, your compliment was greatly appreciated. Thank you :)))


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

tillsontitan, thank you so much for posting Coleridge's quote in here. I LOVE quotes stressing everything we want to say so perfectly short and sweet. What more can I say? Thank you for the votes :)


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

My dear friend, Rosemay - those insults certainly chopped us into pieces! At the end of my marriage of 20 years I really did not know who and what I really was. My husband could not handle my many activities in the business world and in the community. He wanted me to be a housewife too shy and insecure to stick her head out of the door, with only one mission in life - to worship him. When somebody complimented him because he was married to 'such an awesome woman' - ya, me!!! - he would always-always say in a demeaning way, "Oh, and all I wanted was a wife," insinuating that I am a total failure in the most important department of my life. In my language we have only one word for 'woman' and 'wife'. Vrou. So at the end I did not even know whether I was a woman or not. This memory still provoke anger in me. I always ignored his insults. I just could not get myself down to his level, treating him like dirt while he was a person with a heart. Today I wish I had grabbed the opportunity to tell him what I was really thinking of him. Maybe he would have loved my guts.

We ARE sensitive creatures, Rosemay, and this is exactly what enables us to be writers. I don't blame you for pondering over that comment. We writers don't read, we read INTO what we read. We read through the words, between the lines, because we are born with an urge to understand souls, or the cores of things without souls. I tend to give long comments, because I want to share my thoughts clearly so that readers don't have to search behind my words and between the lines for the real me and my true thoughts.

Thank you for your generous comment, Rosemay. I'm patting myself on my shoulder because I've managed to draw such a lovely comment out of you :)) According to my senses you are an adorable lady with a very sensitive soul. And sometimes I think some of your wounds are still bleeding. Thank you for pushing my buttons :)))


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Thank you, kallini. I believe that we do enjoy reading each other's hubs, but the people who are really in need of the messages we are sending out, will search for answers and find our hubs in time - at the right time.

At the right time that question of yours with all its answers WILL mean something to somebody....


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 4 years ago

What a Thoughtful, as well as Educational read, Martie. The older I've gotten, I'm able to take a "Compliment" as long as it sounds Sincere. Insults on the other hand, can be very Hurtful, and I'm not sure that I do handle them well. I certainly try, with a Grain of Salt...as my Mother would have said.

You Hub has created a lot of Wonderful and Useful Comments. You've got my attention and my Votes, Of UP, Useful, Interesting. Thank you!


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 4 years ago from TEXAS

"We would get a more authentic picture of our self when we assess the way people treat us and also their spontaneous uttering."

Martie - THIS is priceless. Others may not be able totally to picture our "self", but these responses do more authentically picture the person's honest impression of our self, because people show their real regard in how they treat other people, and in those spontaneous things they say when their inner spirit responds more than in carefully designed comments.

That's a great line which I'll remember. We're wise, even then, to not take ourselves as viewed by others too seriously. It's still their opinion, but it's more honest and sincere.

Best to focus on knowing oneself while being gracious about others expressing themselves, in whatever trappings. If we'd learn to say, "I'm touched and delighted by what you do," rather than "you're so wonderful"; and "I'm repelled by what you do" rather than "you're such a mess!", at least it would be more honest, though it may or may not add much to the general level of awareness. We really needn't tell someone anything about him/herself, as you point out in this excellent hub. They know themselves. Recognizing progress and achievement may offer a form of support but it won't prop anyone up who doesn't believe it, and anyone who doesn't need propping up will take it in stride, graciously.

Like so many of the things we assimilate as we grow and know more, the changes to be made as a result can only be made in our own behavior and attitudes. That's where the potentiality is. Just taking incoming opinions about oneself graciously with a certain grain of salt is a wise choice. No need to try to fix someone else, at least not as long as oneself needs further fixing- like while still breathing!

I guess when one realizes that others' harsh judgements on oneself 'just don't fit oneself' - as I finally did, and as many others of us have done, we can't help but realize that their glowing praises don't fully fit either! This is an important connection to make!

This is something of which I've been aware for at least half my life, realizing that others' opinions -- good or not -- are just that: their opinions, blossoming as they must from their own inner being and subjective perceptions and ability to perceive. Period. Those have almost nothing to do with any one else, no matter how they're presented as authentic observations which supposedly do describe another objectively. They simply cannot.

I've detected/applied your message in one of my favorite poems, "If" by Kipling, though not word for word. The lines I refer to are:

"If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same . . .

"If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much . . . "

"Praise" and "Criticism" or "Compliments" and "Insults" could be substituted for "Triumph and Disaster". They're all 'imposters'. Realizing that neither foes nor loving friends can hurt us, and that giving them too much 'count' for their opinions places our own responsibility where it belongs - on ourselves as our self-guages, where we must be honest and not delusional if we're to have an accurate opinion of the self. It'll also keep hot potatoes away from one's grip!

;-)


bravewarrior profile image

bravewarrior 4 years ago from Central Florida

Wow, Martie, this is certainly a hub of a different color! I've always been told I don't take compliments well; I have a retort most of the time. Now I'll think twice about what that says about me and how I feel about myself!


always exploring profile image

always exploring 4 years ago from Southern Illinois

Like so many of the other comments, It has been difficult for me to accept compliments. When told that I was wearing a beautiful dress, I would invariably say, " Oh this old thing. " I don't know why I couldn't just say, " Thank you. " Insults really hurt, that's something I will not do. If I don't like something someone has said, I do not respond. I know having low self esteem adds to this compliment dilemma. I feel that I am growing since getting older and my self esteem is coming along nicely. Maybe someday I will be able to tell someone off, in a nice way, of course..Ha..Great topic..Enjoyed..It's a compliment!!


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

b. Malin, Nellieanna, bravewarrior, always exploring, THANK YOU for your lovely comments. I’ll be back this afternoon (of mine) with all my thoughts and proper thanks. I hope you are all enjoying a good night’s sleep up there while I am already running Wednesday down here…. :))


one2get2no profile image

one2get2no 4 years ago from Olney

Great hub......thank you for sharing.


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

b. Malin – this topic has been on my mind for a long time now and I am glad that I’ve finally penned it down. It is a relevant topic, for we have to deal with it in HubPages all the time. Of course we appreciate honest compliments – we need them as they encourage us to write more and practice does make perfect. Insults break our speed, but in its own way also necessary for us to grow. Thank you much for your contribution. I must say I appreciate the honest comments in here – they improve the value of this hub. I am sure many readers will find food for healthy thoughts in here.


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Nellieanna, my dear mamma in CyberSpace, "We would get a more authentic picture of our self when we assess the way people treat us and also their spontaneous uttering," is such a 2-bladed sword. Therefor I’ve added that quote of Napoleon Hill. When compliments and insults make us feel uncomfortable, it is so often a sign that something is wrong, either with the giver or with our own self-esteem. So we have to take time for introspection.

I could not accept my ex’s insults, because I instinctively knew he had a problem. Without realizing it he regarded me as a threat, stealing his shine. Or rather the shine he wanted. By simply being me and NOT by telling him, I constantly reminded him that he was not as wonderful as his parents made him believe he was. In order to feel good about himself – the way he had felt as spoiled brat in his parents’ house - he had to paralyze me under his thumb. But - and this is so weird - I instinctively knew how to ‘play dead’ until ‘the coast was clear’ again. Yet he had worn me out. At the end I was so tired, I felt like Atlas carrying him instead of the world on my shoulders.

I love your suggestions: "I'm touched and delighted by what you do," rather than "you're so wonderful"; and "I'm repelled by what you do" rather than "you're such a mess!"

And I must emphasize your poetic wisdom:

"If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster


And treat those two impostors just the same . . .

If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,


If all men count with you, but none too much . . . "

Nellieanna, I think I’ve missed the last sentence, although I ‘know’ what it is. Could you please paste this specific poem in here? I would so much like to include it in my hub.

Thank you so much for your most relevant and well-stressed comment. It is amazing how we use different words stringed in a different sequence to express ourselves, and how people are able to understand some of them better than others. I am ALWAYS enthralled by the way you express yourself. You’ve stolen my heart with this amazing talent of yours.

Lots of hugs going your way :)


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

bravewarrior, I think the comments in here are eye-openers for all of us who find it difficult to handle compliments and insults. Let's put them all in our pipe and smoke it!


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

My dearest always exploring, as always I agree wholeheartedly with you. I remember my surprise one day when my daughter and I were together and someone quite important - my boss and headmaster of the school - gave her a compliment. "Gosh, but you are beautiful!" he said to her, the first time he saw her. I used to blush my eyes out every time he said that to me. I always pretended to be deaf and I would ramble on with the topic of discussion. (To be honest, I don't like to be distracted with a compliment out of the blue. I do believe that there is a time (and a place) for giving and accepting compliments.)

But there was my daughter, smiling like a queen, saying 'thank you, Sir!' in her sweetest voice. (She was in her twenties). So he said to me, "Now look at your daughter! That's the way a lady should accept a compliment." And there I was blushing again, because was he perhaps insinuating that I was not a lady? Oh boy, at that time I was still searching for myself. Really, it took me ages to grow up!

Thank you, Ruby, for your lovely comment.


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Thank you, one2get2know - With only a few words you encourage me to hop over to your corner to get to know you. Because I am a chatterbox, I admire people who manage to 'hook' me with only a few words. Thank you!


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 4 years ago from TEXAS

Darlin' - I hadn't thought of your statement as a sword at all. It seems to focus on the clearest ways of expressing one's esteem for another person. It automatically clears away debris that can attach to flowery compliments. It emphasizes simple, uncluttered ways of expressing one's truest feelings about another person because the real deal shows in how we treat a person and in the overflow of spontaneous verbalization we feel about the person. I thought this was such an outstanding statement you'd made, I just had to pinpoint it!!

The Napoleon Hill addition adds a further truth. It's just not possible to objectively-accurately judge another person's truth. Humans just aren't equipped with that power. Our "judgment" is a form or our own perspective & opinion, even at our most sincere and heart-felt. Still, as far as one can correctly interpret others' opinions of oneself, they have value & should be considered as we assess our own self-knowledge. We're constantly growing in our own self-knowledge! I certainly appreciate your good esteem because I hold you in high esteem!

It's amazing how similar our experiences with our first marriage situations are, even to 'playing dead' till time to reappear. For me, it wasn't brought about by a clear coast, but by his going too far and being unwise enough to warn my brother of what he had planned, which would have destroyed me. But I was 'alive' in there and ready to step out when the smoke from that cleared. The terror of being shown up for his lacks which he felt, was so similar to what you describe your ex felt. Even the spoiling which had led him to think himself more than he could deliver, too. It was all very exhausting, as you say. But the seeds of recuperation were ready to sprout - and they ddi! Having endured and survived those things gives one a very firm basis for 'being' from then on and one knows that others cannot determine one's worth or destiny.

Yes - I'll include the whole "IF" by Kipling. I's all worthwhile! I'd just extracted a couple of its passages. Here it is:

If you can keep your head when all about you


Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;


If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,


But make allowance for their doubting too;

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,


Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,


Or being hated don’t give way to hating,


And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;


If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim,


If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster


And treat those two impostors just the same;

If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken


Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,


Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,


And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings


And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,


And lose, and start again at your beginnings


And never breathe a word about your loss;


If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew


To serve your turn long after they are gone,


And so hold on when there is nothing in you


Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,


Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,


If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,


If all men count with you, but none too much;

If you can fill the unforgiving minute


With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,


Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,


And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Oh my gosh, Nellieanna, what a tear-pulling poem by Kipling! I have to add it to the hub - IF all this ifs could be true in our lives, compliments and insults would be totally wasted on us. But I guess we will always need compliments as a form of reinsurance of our worth - and maybe also as reminders of a time in our lives that we've had our doubts and yearning for recognition.

Yes, we were in the same boat for many years, though not in the same dark spaces - and Time is completely irrelevant. We have survived in spite of all the plagues and storms and this is all that counts today.

Nellieanna, your words, always loaded with wisdom, are for me like the purest fountain water - I can't get enough of it. I adore you!


marcoujor profile image

marcoujor 4 years ago from Jeffersonville PA

Dear Martie and my new Sista, Svetlana,

I have been steadily following these comments and I have to say that I love the collaboration between the two of you. This has initiated some of the most insightful comments by so many people I respect.

I have to say that Nellieanna just takes the cake in getting me to think, usually after I have done quite a bit of emoting. This last comment is a keeper, just like all three of you are!

Thank you for serving up this delicious hot potato!

Love, Maria. (Teresa to you, Svetlana)


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

My dear marcoujor, I'm so sorry you had to wait 18 hours for my reply, and you know the reasons too well - flesh and bone with too many balls in the air....

I really love the openness and honesty of my hubber-friends. Fact is, TRUE writers are not scared to expose and discuss the truth, even if they are putting themselves in the barrage of antagonists. We discuss issues, facts, human tendencies and we KNOW all people are human....

Have you noticed I've added Nellieanna and Kiepling's poem to the hub, as well as Svetlana's question....

Have a lovely Friday! Be daring!


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 4 years ago from TEXAS

Thank you, CD (Cyber Daughter) - Yes, "If" is one of the best advice & guidance treatises in the language of which I'm aware! My Dad gave me a little copy of it in a tiny little book when I was newly married @ 22. I internalized it, as I know Dad intended. He obviously also hoped I'd share it with my then-husband, who had little use for poetry, though I still tried to share it with him. Dad had very little respect for him as a man but respected that he was my husband so long as he was - for the next 18 years. I overheard Dad talking to Mother once, though, and saw that his respect level for the man was very low. I didn't complain to my parents - it would have been too dangerous; and they saw us only briefly once a year, - but things must have been obvious. My parents were in their late 60s when I married.

Dad had always used poetry to help guide me, from a little ditty he would recite for me about a little mousy who didn't always listen to her elders & suffered consequences - when I was a little bitty thing. Old fashioned teaching means. :-)

I appreciate your lovely words, too, Maria! Hugs. Y'all are all good 'fam'bly'!


marcoujor profile image

marcoujor 4 years ago from Jeffersonville PA

Sista,

Never rush with me and tell me that things are jiggy when they are...hopefully after a good night's nappie.

Then head to Nellieanna's latest... my dear, I happen to love those "old fashioned teaching means..."

May you both have a wonderful night. Hugs, Maria


thelyricwriter profile image

thelyricwriter 4 years ago from West Virginia

Martie

This was a very interesting article Martie. You did a great job on this article on insults and compliments. So many different people talk without thinking. You can slip and say things that you don't mean and it can be hurtful. Others just don't care. Words can be very hurtful and they can truly cause others pain for years. This is very wise information Martie. Well done as always. Voted up, useful, awesome, and shared.


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Hi my dearest Nellieanna! Sorry you had to wait TWO days for my reply. I've been away for the weekend and had only limited Internet access via my little cell phone. One of these days I'm going to get myself an iPad!

I've always trusted my mother with all my joys and grievances. Her suggestions and advice meant a lot to me and I've practiced them with great success. She never took my part, though, but always tried to draw my attention to my ex's better characteristics - blessings she wanted me to count. She did not blame me when I've eventually reached the end of my patience and hopes, but she also did not reject him, although she had made no attempt to support him in any way. Both my parents used the Bible and scriptures to guide me. My mother still stands on this with both feet. So it was (and still is) a kind of 'no win no lose' situation. An attitude of 'God is in charge and man proposes, but He disposes." My parents really managed to practice Christian principles with success and my mother still does. I am the only rebel in the family, questioning in particularly dogma and the perceptive people have developed on the power of the universe they've decided to call God. But this is a topic on its own. Thank you so much for your profound comments, Nellieanna.


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Hi my sista marcoujor, thanks for reminding me of Nellieanna's latest hub. I will click in for a read asap :))


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

thelyricwriter, thank you so much for your supportive and encouraging comment. Much appreciated!


epigramman profile image

epigramman 4 years ago

...well I 'insult' myself everyday and that's not a 'compliment' because I had a 'hot potato' in my hands and I lost you to Mister B - lol lol - but I can see that the better man won and I have the love and affection of someone else that you know of (and she is a terrific lady just like you) .... by the way I left you a cheeky comment on my new one (A day without you) and I am sending warm wishes to a woman and dear friend whom I so much look up to and admire - lake erie time 5:29pm


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Hi epigramman! Good to see you in my corner, and good to know that you and my beautiful girlfriend are still rocking the boat. I am on my way to check out your cheeky reply on my comment...... :)))

Thank you for your lovely comment in here!

(Almost half-past-midnight down here - time to switch off the lights!)


rajan jolly profile image

rajan jolly 4 years ago from From Mumbai, presently in Jalandhar,INDIA.

Excellent and interesting coverage of an important aspect that we face frequently. It's taken me time to really get a hang of reacting correctly and now I can say I can take both well.

Thanks for an excellent read, Martie.

Voted up, and interesting.


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Hi Rajan, yes, it takes time to develop integrity and style. Only dogs and toddlers are able to handle compliments and insults without much ado, but only to a certain point before they become like those dogs of Pavlov. So we can easily determine the emotional maturity of an adult when we analyze the way they handle hot potatoes such as compliments and insults. Thank you so much for your visit and comment :)


ImKarn23 profile image

ImKarn23 4 years ago

my goodness, that Nellieanna is absolutely, drop-dead stunning! You can see her beautiful heart and pure soul shining through her smile!

You are so right - compliments and insults both make the recipient uncomfortable...basic - yet odd human nature..

When we accept ourselves - the good, bad, and the ugly - then we are better equipped to accept both..

We are our own 'hot potatoes'...lol

voting and sharing...

Loved the layout too!


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

ImKarn - Nellieanna is a star. The one who cannot see her is blind.

Thank you for hitting the nail on its head with , "When we accept ourselves - the good, bad, and the ugly - then we are better equipped to accept insults and compliments..."


rahul0324 profile image

rahul0324 4 years ago from Gurgaon, India

Interesting insight into human behavior... and I agree with all of it... compliments can sometimes be embarrassing .....

I found this hub very useful...

Great write Martie..


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Rahul, I wanted to write about this for a long time now, because compliments and insults are such a relevant issue in HubPages. I am so glad you agree with me. Take care!


midget38 profile image

midget38 4 years ago from Singapore

A great job on insults and compliments....love the definitions and lyric at the end. So many people insult without realizing they do....and excessive praise is sure to make people uncomfortable. Voted up, and shared.


TToombs08 profile image

TToombs08 4 years ago from Somewhere between Heaven and Hell without a road map.

Loved this, Martie. Now...I need to work on my insults vs compliments now. :) Voted up and shared.


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

midget, I know, I know, there are even people insulting others with the same breath they give faked compliments. Unfortunately most people have no finesse.


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

TToombs, hard work! Full-time job - and keep in mind that there are specific compliments and insults for specific people. One has to be sober when dishing them out. LOL!


mary615 profile image

mary615 4 years ago from Florida

This hub is very interesting. I've never had any problem with compliments: I just say Thank You! I love to get compliments! As far as insults: If I was ever insulted, I was too dumb to realize someone insulted me.

I voted this Hub UP, etc


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Hi Mary, you are so lucky. In my country most people are stingy with compliments and eager to insult. Or they just keep their thoughts for themselves. Thanks for coming by :)


CMCastro profile image

CMCastro 4 years ago from Baltimore,MD USA

Hi MartieCoetser, I have seen you on Facebook, now I get to see you here. I can not resist in giving you a compliment on how creative and beautifully you have designed this hub. It makes my hub about giving and receiving compliments really boring. I commend you on your creative research. I have a Pastor that always brings a dictionary to the pulpit when she brings the Message. So it is easy to tell people what they want to hear. But it is especially wonderful when it is felt in the heart of the compliment giver. I have found myself dissappointed when someone does not receive my compliment. But, that is a different story. Happy writing, and thank you.


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Hi CMCastro, thank you for your lovely, generous comment. Please paste a link in here to your hub about compliments. I will gladly add it to my hub. Let's give readers more perspectives on compliments. In the meanwhile, take care :)


frogyfish profile image

frogyfish 4 years ago from Central United States of America

"Compliments and insults fall in the same category". Amazing that I never thought of it this way, yet you are exactly right! And also to take the compliment or insult 'from the giver's point of view'...right again.

You gave voice to intriguing thoughts in a simply striking way...so vividly true. Thanks for a great hub!


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Thank you, froggy, for your most inspiring comments :)


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 3 years ago from Baltimore, MD

I never thought about it before, but you are right. Compliments and insults can both be equally awkward. I am learning how to take compliments (the geniune kind, that is) much better as a I get older. Insults are a little more difficult. ;-) Cool hub and voted up!


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 3 years ago from South Africa Author

Hi Jeannieinabottle, indeed, one has to learn how to 'swallow' compliments and insults with style. It is easier to swallow when one doesn't see the giver, but eye-to-eye is another story. I am swallowing both for more than half a century now, in my private as well as professional life, and still I have to take for both a deep breath and use all my willpower to ignore the rush of blood to my face.... Your comment is highly appreciated :)


Daisy Mariposa profile image

Daisy Mariposa 3 years ago from Orange County (Southern California)

Martie,

Thanks for publishing this very thought provoking, insightful article.

Happy Birthday on April 15!!!


tillsontitan profile image

tillsontitan 3 years ago from New York

How could any one disagree with you? I totally agree "insults as well as compliments burn our senses and soul." Of course you are 100% when you say "We need to accept compliments AND insults THROUGH the eyes of the giver..." for we are not always seeing what they see! Choosing the great lady of hubpages to quote (Nellianna) only adds to this already fabulous hub. I hope you can accept the compliments you so deserve for a great hub! Anyone who likes the poem "IF" has definitely got it going on.

Voted up, useful, awesome, and interesting. Oh, and Happy Birthday.

    Sign in or sign up and post using a HubPages Network account.

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No HTML is allowed in comments, but URLs will be hyperlinked. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites.


    Click to Rate This Article
    working