Is It Time To Say Goodbye?
Love of my life ~
Has that day come? Am I simply faced with no other alternative than to tell you goodbye, and let you go? Let us go? My heart chokes on the very thought. This idea is so foreign to my heart and my mind, and I find it almost unbearable. How do people bear what rips them in half? How do you survive as two halves? I see myself in pieces lying on the ground.
You do not own my power. My power belongs to me, and you cannot control it. It is my power to say goodbye to you my love. In so doing, I freeze the part of my heart that you occupy. I have to numb this love, this whole part of my heart that is yours, because I do not know how to do this any other way. I am exhausted by all of the questions which have long plagued me . . . why, why, why? And when a thousand years come and go, I do not believe I will have the answer. You will never give me that. And more time will not matter.
Nothing is changing . . . and it can’t stay the same. I will not survive if this all stays the same. I have been so sick with sadness. And I need to heal. I feel like such a failure. Who could ever love me? I couldn’t make you love me as I loved you, or as I needed you to love me in return. But one thing I do know is that I am still ME. You haven’t changed who I am. I did not give that power to you. I kept me. My sweet and precious love, I do believe this is your loss as well, for you could never have the love of a more generous heart than mine. You could never see yourself through more loving eyes than mine.
Oh precious one, oh my love, the heart speaks a language of its own. It cannot be interpreted through the logic of the mind. Love is a language beyond imagining, spoken between two hearts. My heart will always say the same thing . . . I love you.
I love you.
My endless journey begins. Or so I tell myself. This love of mine is not a love that ends, and I know it. I am still both captivated and captured by you. How do you hold me this way? I cannot be yours, and I cannot be anyone else's. This is a lonely place my love. I honestly don't know if I will ever be able to turn away from you. You are not fair, and you know that. Maybe you tell yourself otherwise, but I believe you must know it. Still you hold me, still you kiss me, still you possess me. I cannot break away from you. Love should hurt less than this.
© 2012 Bella Nina
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