Is It Yours or Mine?

I think I know too much
Or maybe instead it’s that I’ve seen too much
There is too much to know
But is there too much to see?
I haven’t looked into a microscope in decades
Nor a telescope
But I know what I can’t see has no impact on my heart
And what I have seen has dulled my heart
For I’ve seen joy
And pain
And beauty
And rust
I’ve been through good times
Especially as a child
Until one day I was told we were leaving
I still can feel that horrible feeling
And the prayers that it wasn’t true
But then it was true
We drove away and the children who ran behind us are grown up now
As I am
Or maybe some of them are dead
I don’t know
I just don’t know
Kind of like I don’t know about the magnetic poles shifting
Or what that means to humans
I could look it up
But then I’d just forget what it means
I once knew the table of elements or whatever it’s called
What’s funny is that I was probably smarter in high school than I am now
But other than learning to type what did I do with all that knowledge?
I don’t know
I just don’t know
I spent a lot of time talking to a man who later took his own life
I knew he was in pain but he seemed so amazing to me
He could paint
And he always said the most soulful things
I wonder if soul is the thing you choose instead of happiness
I’m not sure if you can have both
Because with soul you feel everything
With happiness you feel nothing except only things that makes you feel good
Because if you thought beyond those things then you’d start to cry
I mean how could you not?
Fleeting is a word I think about often
Fleeting
Think about that
It means only for a short while
But what do we do in the time between one short while and the next?
That is the secret to life
And I have no idea about it except that it exists
Just like things you see under a microscope or in a telescope
That’s the time when who we really are happens inside our own heart
It’s what makes us want to do something about ourselves
Or meet someone
Or go on a trip
Or read a book
It’s the moment when you aren’t actually doing anything
Except existing
And some do just exist
But others think about how they are just existing
It’s that self-consciousness that spoils a bottle of beer with a friend
Or makes you afraid to walk up to a pretty girl and introduce yourself
I’ve never been able to do that
I always assume that I will have nothing to say
And the funny thing is that I’ve always been the one who talks too much
Yet the last thing I said makes me think I’ll never say anything ever again
Yet I do
And it’s on and on like that
I was happy once
Actually probably more than once
But the one time I’m thinking about lasted for years
Then it ended
Then it started again
Then it ended
Then it started again
And you know what was the on and off button?
It was the same thing
A woman
Not the same one
Just different women
I always meet women
All the time
Sometimes they meet me
But either way we meet
Then off we go and it’s great
Then it ends
Or sometimes it needs to end but it doesn’t
And it lingers and it eats us up
And we become people that we hate
We hate each other and ourselves
Why do we let it get to that point?
Why can’t we just either not drive that way
Or just take the exit?
You take yours and I’ll take mine
Whichever comes first
So now I think I’m just tired
Happy is something that I read about
Or see in the faces of children at recess
The other day my daughter and two of her friends sang songs for me
And I thought of nothing but them
And it was nice
Then I left
And I took it with me because I envied them
They were so simple yet so enthusiastic
So sincere
It was amazing
And I didn’t want to spoil it with my cynicism
So I just became their audience and acted stupid
I’m good at that
Being silly
Maybe I should have been a circus clown
Because that’s all it is sometimes
The rest of it is of no interest to me
None at all
I could get in the car and drive downtown and try to meet someone
But I’d just be getting back on that freeway looking for my exit
We could drive fast for a while
It’d be a happy trip
But then I’d see the sign in the distance
The green one with the arrows
I wonder if it’s yours or mine?

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Comments 8 comments

lovedoctor926 4 years ago

much food for thought here. I think you were referring to the elements on the periodic table.


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The Suburban Poet 4 years ago from Austin, Texas Author

Hi lovedoctor... just saying that makes me smile... thank you for commenting and I think you're right on that periodic table.... I looked it up after I wrote this thing...


lovedoctor926 4 years ago

Thanks:) I'm glad that my comment made you smile. There are so many elements on that periodic table.. wow! I can only think of H20. you must be very smart. Chemistry was a fun class...


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The Suburban Poet 4 years ago from Austin, Texas Author

Hey... not just your comment but the idea that I'm talking to the lovedoctor! Help!

I knew chemistry long ago... but not anymore... uh H2O... yeah I'm with you on that one...


lovedoctor926 4 years ago

Your hubs make me think a lot.. How can I help? Lol


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The Suburban Poet 4 years ago from Austin, Texas Author

That's what they are there for I guess... to make people think about life...

How can you help? Ha.... well.... you know... what are the secrets of love besides always agreeing with the woman and admitting that I was wrong? :)


lovedoctor926 4 years ago

The secrets of love. Well, I guess you have to be a challenge and funny at the same time.

Let's see, Have you ever watched Two and a Half Men? Charlie is a 40 something bachelor who writes commercial jingles for a living and just seems to be able to attract any woman he wants.


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The Suburban Poet 4 years ago from Austin, Texas Author

Charlie Sheen? Ha... there's the secret... I've seen it but he flammed out in his personal life... I guess it is best to copy art than reality....

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