Is Texting Cheating?

While being in a long term, committed marriage, I found out that my husband had been texting with an old junior high school girlfriend that had "found" him from a social networking website. He did tell me that she had friend requested him, so I "knew" about her. What he failed to tell me was that he began a texting friendship with her that quickly turned from a few texts per day to texting many times a day into the night. One day, my husband left his phone on the bed while he was in another room and I saw a text from a female come in and my heart sank immediately. I was in shock, but did my best to act normal as my husband came back in the room and immediately went for his phone. "What do I do?" is the thought that I kept repeating in my mind. "What do I do?" as I thought about confronting him. "What do I do?" as I thought about my life as I knew it coming to an end. Maybe it was nothing...maybe she was just a friend although I know that men and women can't really be friends because one of them ultimately wants to have sex with the other. I learned that many years ago from my favorite relationship movie, When Harry met Sally and I believe it to be true.

Anyway, after seeing that text with "her" name, I was kind of in a daze the remainder of the night. I laid in bed with my husband watching some movie as we did every night all the while he was texting right next to me. The next day, he left to run some errands and I immediately became what I now call myself, "Psycho Bitch." I went to his computer and began looking for anything...secret emails, looking at his computer's history, trying to figure out passwords for his Facebook and Myspace. After a while, I hit jackpot. I found an email account that he had and when I logged into it, the password was saved. I saw several emails from "her" and when I opened it, there was an attachment. Do I open it? Do I really want to see this? and so I did, and I saw pictures of this person in her bra and skirt posing provocatively for my husband. "What do I do?" entered my mind again.

I confronted my husband on it and he said that he did cross the line with the pictures, but stated that he didn't think there was a problem with texting someone else. Not a problem? How could that not be a problem I asked him. He said that it was only fantasy and that he hadn't seen her in 20+ years and that if he wasn't having sex with her, it wasn't cheating. I disagree completely and feel that in this age of technology and emails, instant messages and social networks the definition of "cheating" is now different. Although he insists that it was fantasy, he would have never gotten physical with her and that he enjoyed their conversations both sexual and general in nature. I feel that he had an intimate relationship with someone other than me and that is cheating. This has caused so many problems in our relationship with the biggest problem being a lack of trust in the one person that I trusted my life with...until this was found out. "How can I ever trust him again?" is now what I repeat in my mind over and over.

I'm not the only one to have gone through this high tech cheating as I've done searches on the same subject only to find many people, both men and women being hurt by the texting actions of their significant other. Some led to physical relationships and some didn't but the outcome was the same. Now I ask everyone in a relationship to become a psycho bitch every now and then to make sure that your trusted one is being honest with you. You owe it to yourself to know and even if you don't suspect anything...look anyway!

More to come...

Comments 250 comments

sophiai 6 years ago

i am a married woman texn a married man what started off as sending jokes to each other now seems to have changed i no by his comments he likes me a lot and i with him i no its getting very intense but i cant stop i don't want an affair as i love my family too much it the same wit him i no i am on dangerous grounds at the moment we met recently after months of tex flirtn i was with my friend he knew i be in that resturant as we arranged to meet my friend knows him well but has no idea of our texn we had a great nite of laughing and talkin we get on so well as we have the same sence of humour after that nite hes sending a lot of texs 33 in one day he tells me he can tell me anything he loves everything about me he has sexual taughts hed love to take me gently in his arms and kiss my full lips while running his hands down my body he also said the nite we met he felt like a teenager on a first date he says he cant stop texn me id miss him too are we doing wrong i do think he has feelings for me


nevixann 6 years ago

Yes! you are cheating already!! you are cheating your husband of the time that you supposed to spend with him, the affection, the fun and everything that you invested with this guy. All of this is supposed to be for your husband whom you committed yourself to be with for better or for worse. Do you know that all the things that you invested to this guy are all factors of nourishing your marital commitment so it will grow deeper and stronger. I don't know where you are in your marital relationship, but you should think about your personal integrity, a word of honor and be faithful to the vows that you made with your spouse. Believe me, you are only one of the women that guy wants to allure in lust. you never know him personally... you never know if that guy is a sexual preditor who just want to "F" you. You should protect your name and you family relationship with your life. May God gives you wisdom!!! nevixann


azsqrl 6 years ago

How would you like it if your hubby was doing this to you? Exactly... so stop it!!!!


Kerri 6 years ago

No matter what it hurts and the one person you are suppose to trust you cant and you can forgive but you never forget..but technology is not to blame, our husbands are...they are the one going beyond the trust issue.


4tsom10 profile image

4tsom10 6 years ago from Texas Author

I appreciate everyone's comments on this hub. I'm sorry I haven't replied to any as I need to keep up with activity more than I have. It's a very touchy subject with many as there are many views to this. I think the bottom line is everyone is responsible for their own actions and everyone knows the difference between right and wrong. Someone once told me that if you make excuses for a loved ones wrong doings/betrayal then you lose yourself and lose a big part of who you are. Although that is true, I have found out that you can also get yourself back once you stop making excuses!


star1754 6 years ago

I just found out that my husband is doing the same thing to me and he claims that there's nothing wrong with this! I'm fed up because of other issues that I'm having with him but this just kind of takes the cake...


4tsom10 profile image

4tsom10 6 years ago from Texas Author

I'm sorry to hear that Star1754 but know you are not alone. There is definitely something wrong with what he's doing because I can almost guarantee that he wouldn't find it acceptable if you were texting w/someone else. Use this as an opportunity to talk


StephP1972 6 years ago

I found old emails my husband had written to his ex-wife and they were sexual in nature. They were from two years ago when we were engaged; we are now married and have an 8-month-old daughter. He claims they were joking around but when she offered him her boobs and he said "sure, bring 'em on" I feel he crossed the line. He doesn't - he said it was not serious and just a joke. His ex-wife has to be in our lives because they have two sons together, but now this has left me feeling betrayed, angry and sad. Most of all, I feel totally alone.


4tsom10 profile image

4tsom10 6 years ago from Texas Author

You have every right to feel the way you are feeling. The only person he should be emailing in a sexual nature is you and you alone. He did cross the line with the ex whether you were engaged or not. He divorced his wife and you and his children should be his priority. Talk with him about how this discovery has made you feel. If he doesn't listen, then that should indicate to you how he feels about your feelings. Hopefully he will give you reassurance and make you feel better. Always listen to your gut and good luck to you and your family.


stephp1972 6 years ago

Thank you for your thoughts, it felt good to hear someone else's point of view. When I confronted him he reassured me that, although it was very stupid what he did, it didn't mean anything, they were simply joking around, and that his ex knows I am the only one for him. He said he's exactly where he wants to be...with me and our kids. It doesn't make it hurt any less, though. The thing is, I'm a loving wife and the mother of his daughter and stepmother to his sons; he was married to his ex over ten years ago and she not only left him for another man but kidnapped his two sons for a weekend and got him thrown in jail. Even though she has "changed" now as he says, it's not that I'm jealous of her. It's just that his actions broke my heart. Well see...thanks again.


pinya 6 years ago

I find out my hubby called his x-gf bout 3 years ago, when I confronted, he made excuses and then promised that he won't do it again. Two weeks ago I find out that he met his x-gf again in February and contacts her through phone calls and texting ever since. When I confronted again, he said sorry and promise (again!) that he won't do it anymore. I want to believe that but I can't trust him anymore. I just want to be able to trust him again for the sake of our marriage and family since I'm now pregnant for our second child


4tsom10 profile image

4tsom10 6 years ago from Texas Author

Pinya,

I'm sorry to hear what has happened in your situation. Please read your post to yourself out loud. Read the post as if it was someone else and just step "outside" of yourself. Your hubby promised that he wouldn't do it again but you found out that he was lying to you. You want to trust him but he has done nothing to earn your trust. I cant tell you what to do except do what will make you ultimately happy and no longer hurting. Good Luck to you.


sam 6 years ago

i am sorry to hear that my so call wife off 24 year was doing it to me and just 6 week ago after i buired my dad she told me to leave the house . i have 5 kid as well i am sorry for you


pinya 6 years ago

Hi, I've been thinking bout what you said, I think you're right. No matter how hard I tried to learn to trust him again, I still need the same effort from him to fix this marriage.

Just like you I'm becoming obsessed by his affairs. I'm crawling through phone bills, google, you name it, but what I've found just make me feel hurt even more. I've found out that he's not only texting and calling, he also met her 3 times (so far that I know). First meeting he met her in the BBQ in his office (I don't really blame him coz she's the one who came to him). Second meeting he told me to go to grand opening a new magazine that he photographed. The fact he also met her in her opening art exhibition in the other place and I found his pic with her from google in the corner of gallery. I'm mad with this especially when he said he didn't tell me bout it coz he wanna respect my feeling ???? If he wanna respect my feeling he shouldn't met her behind my back in the first place! We had a huge argument. He said there is no special feeling. It's just only friend thing. Who wants to believe that? There is no such 'just friend' with exes! And then some days later after several arguments, he admits that he also took pics of her in her studio for his photo competition which originally he asked me to be his model for it ????? OMG, I'm shock. By choosing her over me as his model, it means he prefer her to be with him than me! I feel so betrayed till I take of our wedding ring from my finger and wanna file for divorce. He begs me not to do that for the kids. And I realize I should calm down and consider about my son and baby in my belly. So we decided to go for couple counselling this Saturday after he admits that he has emotional feeling towards his ex gf. Well...I'm hoping for the best for our children but I'm ready for the worst


NLW 6 years ago

Wow, reading all this was very interesting. My husband was not only texting but he shared some of our marital issues with a lady who came back and through it in my face. The 1st time the lady confronted me he said she was lying. Then the layd returned again and told me the same thing. This time he admitted she was telling the truth and that he wanted his family. I've been monitoring his interaction with myself and our children and I don't see much change in his behavior. Also, I checked his phone and noticed he used some sexual language when speaking with someone of the opposite sex. Then when he got wind of me snooping he started deleting his text communciation to certain text messages. My trust for this guy is very low and I'm seeking ways to get out of this relationship because I don't believe he really loves me. One of the dead give aways is that he used a sexual description whenn addressing me that he used on the other woman. What's your take?


nikki in nd 6 years ago

I know the answer...but here I am second guessing myself. My husband of 8 years had text a girl in our 2nd yr of marriage. Thank God she wasn't interested because I'm not sure where it would have led...but I have an idea.. Well, now, I know he does that with women on a regular basis.. I just put it aside as innocent...but, now I feel I'm loosing self...and I want out..the sad part, we have no children, he don't really pay bills and I do all the "man" labor around the house after I come home from work...I just have no idea why I'm here...I talked him in to going to college and he's in his last year 2 of which I paid for...I know there is no obligation because he's a big boy...I just have no clue why I'm here...he keeps promising it's just talking and I am still giving him the benefit of the doubt..I don't think it's ever gone physical but I'm only 51% sure on that one...I'm so sad...


4tsom10 profile image

4tsom10 6 years ago from Texas Author

Pinya,

He's keeping things from you not because he wants to respect your feelings, but because he wants to keep it from you...It's as simple as that. He chose her to model for him instead of you? Are you too pregnant to model...if so, I can understand him using someone else, but not the ex! We tried marriage counseling, but it just didn't work for me because it made me feel so much worse after each session and it just made me relive every thing all over. Hopefully, you two can get everything all out in the open during your sessions. Use this time to say EVERYTHING on your mind...good and bad. Call him every name in the book if you feel like you need to and this see if couseling helps. Good luck to you and your babies.


4tsom10 profile image

4tsom10 6 years ago from Texas Author

NLH,

Unfortunately, my take on your situation is your take. From what you wrote, it seems like he doesn't love you. If he's texting other women in a sexual way that's the big sign. If he's deleting texts, then he's continuing and trying to keep it from you. Look at his phone bills because if he's texing others, he's more than likely calling them or their calling him too. You don't need that and it sounds like you know it too. You can find someone else who will give you the love, trust and respect that you deserve. Good Luck to you.


4tsom10 profile image

4tsom10 6 years ago from Texas Author

Nikki in ND...Don't second guess yourself..you're letting him take complete advantage of you and both of you know it. Why should he quit texting/talking with other women? Why should he work, clean and help you pay bills when he has you doing it? If you gut is telling you that he might be cheating on you...then he probably is. Get out of that relationship and start a new chapter in your life. You will find someone who loves you and will be a partner with you, help you clean, help you with the bills and most of all...give you the trust you need to be happy again.


kara233 6 years ago

I suspect my husband is cheating on me. Two years ago I gave him an ultamatem cause I have done the majority of keeping this family together and asked him to pull his own weight and to be emotionally there for me (Which hasn't happened for awhile, at least the past 12 years). Well, last month I was concerned over the phone bill and started skimming through the bill when I discovered a particular phone number jumping at my eyes. It involved texting and phone calls. I signed up with a service and began investigating on my own. Turns out the phone number is a girls personal cell number and started going "Psycho Bitch", looking at past phone bills; including the one's in my containers from past. I even found some bills with landline number registered to her name too. I didn't just see this phone number in the past two years of bills, or five years, but last 10 years. I was wondering in the last two years what that sick feeling in my gut was. I recently confronted him and he says that there just friends that a month after his mom died, this co-worker's mom died and at that point they became friends. (I wondered why he was taking his mom's death pretty well esp since he was mama's boy.) My thing is he doesn't confide in me. It's more with his sister or obviously this co-worker he says is heavy weight and not at all a romantic relationship. I still have the gut feeling something is not right here. Within our 20 year marriage it came out that he did have sex with a co-worker when we were living together before our marriage. (In his words "we weren't in a committed relationship at the time." When just before we started dating, I was specific with my words that if he wanted to date others, he couldn't date me too.


billyrubin 6 years ago

Y'all need Private Bryan!


4tsom10 profile image

4tsom10 6 years ago from Texas Author

Thanks for the tip Private Scumbag!Hope your business fails, but I'm sure it won't.


4tsom10 profile image

4tsom10 6 years ago from Texas Author

Kara233,

20 years is a long time to be in a relationship one sided. There is something wrong if he doesn't confide in you, but has confided in someone else. You should find someone else that can appreciate you and all you have to offer as it seems that your husband is no longer willing to do that. Good luck with you!


Trust8ez 6 years ago

My girlfriend and I have been in a relationship for 6 years now. I recently found out that she's been texting an old high school friend. They text for hours everyday. She claims that it's not a big deal because she will never follow through with anything she has promised him. I recently found out that she has been text sexing him. I gave her an ultimatum either she stops and tells the other guy the truth or it's over between us. For a minute there I had believed her when she said she had stopped. One day she left her itouch home and our 3 year old was playing with it and i noticed she down loaded a free application to text him. I started texting him and found out things I really didn't want to know. I called him and revealed all of her lies. Thinking it would stop things. It's been 2 weeks and it hasn't stopped. Whatever lies she has told him he believes. She's a hole other person when she texts him. I don't know her anymore. Even knowing how I feel she still continues. She makes excuses for what she is doing. Texting isn't a problem it becomes a problem when you take it to the next level. You disrespect your partner and take time away from the relationship you have. It's an emotional relationship which to me it's deeper than a sexual one. We all are imperfect we all make mistakes, but when we blatantly continue to make the same mistakes over and over and disregard your partners feeling and put someone else before them then the love and respect is gone and it's time to say good bye.. When trust is broken it's hard to get back especially when you continue to make the same mistakes over and over with the same man. As they say foul me once shame on you foul me twice shame on me. Texting someone you have feeling for or knowing the other person has feeling for you is cheating don't be fouled. Once a cheater always a cheater. Even if they don't make there fantasy a reality.


Trust8ez 6 years ago

Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me. Hope I said it correctly this time.. But forreal if your in a relationship and you start texting or calling someone and your text or conversation becomes sexual, it's cheating.


JetCT 6 years ago

I am hoping someone here can help me. I recently found out that my wife has been texting a man. She claims they are just friends but they text each other 30+ a DAY! She has plenty of friends that she doesn't text 5 times a month with. The worst part is that she is hiding it from me - she deletes the texts so I can't read them. I have been struggling with the idea of installing a spy software on her phone. one minute I feel like - if I read thru them and they are what she is telling me then I can rest easy and move on with my life. the next minute I think how horrible it would be of me to spy on my wife who I am suppose to trust. Please help me...


4tsom10 profile image

4tsom10 6 years ago from Texas Author

Hi Trust8ez,

I totally feel your pain and know what you are going through. It sounds like your girlfriend is only thinking about herself. If she was hiding anything from you, that is cheating. The fact that you told her you needed her to stop and she continued shows a complete lack of respect for you, your child and your six year relationship. She broke your trust and that is so hard to overcome. It's been over a year for me and I still don't trust my husband like I need to. It's really hard to open yourself up again after being betrayed. I struggle with it daily as I'm sure you are. I can't tell you what to do, but since she didn't stop her texting relationship after all that you have done, I don't think she will. You deserve better that that and deserve someone who only wants to get texts from you. That's how it should be. I hope things work out for you. Let me know what happened and good luck with everything.


4tsom10 profile image

4tsom10 6 years ago from Texas Author

JetCT,

I'm so sorry to read about your situation. All I can tell you is to trust your instict and gut feeling. If you feel that something isn't right and something is going on with your wife and "friend," you should use whatever tools you can to investigate it. If you can install something on her phone without her knowing, I would do it, but if you find something you didn't want to see (which you might) be prepared, don't react switfly or do something you'll regret. It is horrible that you would have to spy on your wife, but it's also horrible that she is hiding something from you. When I suspected something was going on with my husband, I used the internet and searched his phone and pc for clues and I found things I didn't want to see, but at least I knew and that allowed me to confront him and have proof. I hope that she is just friends with this person and I hope you don't find anything, but if you do please know that you will be ok whatever the outcome.


Dave 6 years ago

I just went through this with my fiancé. We've had some difficult times lately and I found out that she spent 8+ hours on the phone with her old boyfriend and exchanged a number of text messages to him. I called her on it, she apologized and promised to break it off as it was only friendly chats...so she said. Come to find out she is still texting back and forth with him and even invited him to come up and see her???

I call that cheating and I'm hurt!


Joann 6 years ago

I'm going through it too. I've been married for 6 years. I trusted in him completely. I was researching our bill and why the amount was so high. I found a phone # I did not recognize that was being texted back and forth. They all say the same thing. Friends, Friends.... The trust is gone. Now he is blaming me and wants me to apologize to her for calling her up and questioning her. I also called her husband because I felt he should know. I'm not sure I want this to work.... But, I can't help the sleepless night, the constant wondering. It's driving me crazy. Why does a man choose to do this more when his wife recently has a child. Why do they have to blow it all away?????


Dave 6 years ago

Joann, I'm so sory to hear about your pain. Good for to call her on it and her husband. I haven't taking that step with this "other guy" as of yet. I don't think it would do me any good as the problem is with my fiancé, not him.

I understand the pain you're going through with the sleepless nights, constant worry, and just the worst sinking feeling all the time. It hurts, I'm having trouble just making it throughout the day.

This is all so overwhelming.

I wish the best for you and will pray for all the men and women that have been cheated on....it's the worst feeling in the world.

My next step is to find a support group as I know I cannot deal with all this pain on my own.


hopelessly devoted 6 years ago

I have been with my bf for 6 years. We do not have a normal relationship at all. i wont go into details, but we don't live together. he lives with roommate that so happens to be his ex gf. he says he stays bc her kids are like his and he feels he cant abandon them like their real father has. I had no problem with this. but i have never been to his house, inside anyway. he meets me everywhere and comes stays with me. i recently found 3 texts in his phone from 3 different women. they were all of sexual nature! has everything hes done and said to me been a lie? why am i not allowed at his house if he and the ex are just "roommates". Why is he texting 3 differeent girls these dirty things? Why is he yelling at me for going through his phone??


4tsom10 profile image

4tsom10 6 years ago from Texas Author

Dave,

Thanks for commenting. I agree with you that yes, what your fiancé is doing is cheating. Anytime, someone hides something from their partner such as texting or speaking with an ex or other person, that is cheating. For the life of me, I don't understand how people do that to someone they are suppose to love and be committed to. The fact that you two have been having problems is no excuse for your fiancé to have had contact with an ex. You have every reason to be hurt because she has broken your trust. I'm glad you called her on it. The fact that she has continued shows that she was only sorry that she got caught. My situation happened over a year ago and I still have so many trust issues with my husband. Most times I feel that he is committed to me and our family and hasn't had contact with the other woman (or skank as I fondly think of her), but there are still times when I think he still has contact with her but just being extra careful to cover his tracks. Trust is so important and so difficult to repair. Tell your girlfriend how this has affected you and how her actions hurt you. She needs to know what she did. Hopefully getting it all out in the open will help you. I wish you well and everything will work out for you. Please keep in touch.

Tina


4tsom10 profile image

4tsom10 6 years ago from Texas Author

Joann,

I'm sorry to read about your situation. My advice to you is to not let him turn this around and make you feel guilty. Don't call his "friend" and apologize. He gave you a reason for concern and you exercised your right to know...simple as that. You were looking to see why the phone bill was so high and he failed to tell you he was texting someone other than his wife. Trust is so important in a relationship and once it's broken, it's so hard to repair. I have major trust issues now and my whole outlook on life has completely altered. Having a baby is a big change in both of your lives and my husband texted his skank after I had our baby. It was a difficult pregnancy but certainly not an excuse to start a "friendship" with another women. If he had an illness, I would never had started a new text relationship with anyone and I don't think you would have either. Stand your ground and don't let him turn anything around on you. You did nothing wrong. I hope everything works out for you...I know it will no matter what the outcome.


4tsom10 profile image

4tsom10 6 years ago from Texas Author

Hopelessly Devoted,

Honestly...it sounds like everything he has said to you has been a lie...and I think you know that. You have every right to go through his phone if you feel something is not right. The fact that you have to meet him and have never been to his home is a major problem. He is leading at least 5 separate lives (his ex gf, you, 3 ladies on his phone) and you area allowing it. You deserve to have someone who wants to take you to his home and show you off to everyone. You deserve someone who only wants to text you in a sexual nature (:-) and you deserve someone who doesn't yell at you and you deserve a normal relationship. Good luck to you!


Hoplessly Devoted 6 years ago

Thank you. You are right and I have known this for a while. He told me since day 1 that he wouldn't leave his home situation until the right girl came along. I am obviously not the right girl. This man revolves everything he does around a finances. He says he stays at home living with her bc she pays so much and why would he mess up a sweet deal like that? So in order for that to continue, I have to shut up and not ruin it for him. He gave me a ring and empty promises. It was never about love. I was 18 when i met him, I am now 24 and feel it is time to move on. He is cheating and lying and i cant continue like this. I am tired of being alone. I love him, but it's just not enough for him. I should have lots of money so i can pay half his rent so he can leave his ex.


swmo 6 years ago

I have to admit I actually started texting a girl 2yrs ago behind my wifes back and it wasn't right. I stopped and then found myself doin it again a few weeks back and hate myself. So I'm gonna turn texting off and spend that time with my wife and kids and try and fix my marriage if she will forgive me....


4tsom10 profile image

4tsom10 6 years ago from Texas Author

SWMO,

Reading your comment is the best thing I've read in a while! I appreciate your honesty and the fact that you are going to turn off your texting and focus on your marriage and family is a wonderful thing. Marriage is so tough by itself and when outside influences get in the way, it just makes it all the more difficult. My focus has been remembering why I fell in love with my husband and all the happy times we shared before we started having problems. If you want to fix your marriage, she will forgive you and I wish you every success.


swmo 6 years ago

Thank you. I have a lot of fixing to do but I do know I can and will fix my mistakes. Its very hard to imagine the attention I should have been givin my wife instead of the phone. She says it will take proof and I got to show her she comes first and I will. Losing 12yrs isn't worth losing.


Simka 6 years ago

I am so glad that I found this site. There are a couple of people on here who have shared parts of my own story and it is comforting to know that I am soo not alone.

I have been with my boyfriend for almost 6 years and for a while I have known that he emails women and pretends to be single. There is also a woman his social circle that emailed a picture of herself in a tiny bikini saying I am soo horny for you below the picture over the holidays and some weird video that looked like it was in a bedroom,but I didn't watch it. Then just this morning I looked at my boyfriend's phone while he was still asleep and now he and the skank send phone messages all the time. His texts back are not sexual, but he sometimes calls her sweetie which is a term of endearment that he doesn't call me. Anyway, what pushed me over the edge this morning is that she sent him a message last night asking for his email so that she could send him pictures of her private parts, but the way she worded it is just too nasty to type. My boyfriend already knows how I feel about her and did I mention that she is married and in the porn industry with a freaky body that is really unsexy... he also says that she sends photos to all the guys that she hangs out with and the ones to him is just her way of joking around, but I don't buy it. What is most hurtful is that he says he loves me, but when I share how I think she is very dispectful to women and totally inappropriate he always sides with her and tells me how nice of a person she is and I feel crushed. I know that the real issue lies with his actions and is disrespect. He also turns it on me and says that I am the one ruining our relationship even though I am the one that supports us, pays his doctor's bills because he has no insurance and also pays his child support and then he can't understand why I am depressed when I work really hard at a full time job and am totally broke all the time. Writing this is making me think to myself "what is wrong with me for staying in this madness?", but hopefully letting out what I have bottled up for so long will help me to find the strength to do the next right thing instead of letting him continue to take advantage of me. Peace...


4tsom10 profile image

4tsom10 6 years ago from Texas Author

Hi Simka, I'm glad you found the site too! It's been very helpful and therepeutic for me. I'm sorry to hear about your situation. It sounds like you are a very strong woman and you know what you should do. What he's doing is wrong, disrespectful and the fact that he's ignoring your feelings over his lady friend is a big indication that you are not his priority...as you should be. You shouldn't have to support him, pay his bills and worse of all, pay child support for his child with someone else. Your relationship should be a partnership where both are contributing equally. I think you know that and are ready to move forward. I know that you will find someone else that will be your partner and give you the love and support that you need. Peace to you!


dgreen64 6 years ago

Yes, it is cheating! It started off because of FB! When your spouse is texting someone everyday and more than his/her own family, then there is definitely a problem!! When they text everyday, many times a day, way after you go to bed, even in front of you...IT'S CHEATING!!

My husband of 26 years was caught last January texting to a woman(single) @ 5:30 am.! He swore at first they were just talking, so I decided to put spy-ware on the computer. You wouldn't believe what I found! I got visual shots of comments, pictures, passwords to all his accounts, etc. She was asking him to choose her over me and even sent him inappropriate pictures!

We went to a marriage counselor and the marriage counselor told him "Texting another woman was an "emotional affair" and it would only lead to a "sexual affair"". He ended up breaking it off with her, but then came #2. This one was married, so I contacted her husband to let him know what was going on. She admitted to him that she thought they were leading up to an affair! They were forced to break all contact and they did.

In late spring, I found out about #3 (married). I even called the woman and asked her not to contact him. She agreed. They stopped for a few months, but I just found out yesterday that they started it all over again. WHAT KILLS ME IS MY HUSBAND STILL THINKS ITS OK!! He says "WE'RE JUST TALKING!" OMG...GIVE ME A BREAK!!!

THIS TIME...I'M GETTING A DIVORCE!!!


baxterboomer 5 years ago

My husband of 7 years is on facebook. His ex fiancé sent him a friend request. I told him that I didn't mind if he accepted it and so he did. I trusted him completely. A few months later he took the 1300 mile long trip across the country to visit family. I wasn't able to go along so he went alone. He called me and told me that he took her out to lunch. Call me crazy...but I was fine with that. He came home and within a few weeks I started noticing texts on our bill from an unfamilier number. I didn't question it...again, call me crazy. This all transpired in the spring of this year. It is now October and once again my husband planned a trip to visit family alone. He left in the very early hours. He drove the 22 hour trip non stop. I called him throughout the day to see how his trip was going. He continually told me he couldn't talk. I asked him to call me when he stopped for gas. He never did. He was away for 11 days and only called me 4 times. On the 4th call he told me that he went to his ex's sisters apt to see his ex. I was shocked but didn't confront him. I immediately checked our cell phone online account and found that of his 277 texts....207 were to and from her. They text in the early morning...in the afternoon and late in to the night. This went on for his entire visit. Call me crazy...but I didn't confront him because I wanted to wait til he came home. He got home in the very early morning hours and went straight to bed. I checked his cell phone and found that he deleted ALL of their texts together...but kept the ones from his family. I am at a loss. I don't feel like I have enough proof to confront him. I don't have any of their texts. I keep telling myself that the texts could be totally innocent. But then why would he delete those texts only? I love him very much and don't want to give away what we have had for these seven years. This is my second marriage...my first one lasted 23 years...produced two sons and ended with him cheating on me. I don't think I can stand to go through it again. I feel so completely alone. My husbands ex lost their baby before they split up. They ended their relationship due to her cheating on him. I know she hurt him very badly so I just don't understand why he would want to hurt me like that. Please help me to see this from another prospective. Thank you.


4tsom10 profile image

4tsom10 5 years ago from Texas Author

Hi Baxterboomer,

I'm calling you crazy! Join the club, we are all crazy when we are in love. We see things that we choose to ignore because we don't want to believe them to be true. You went through infidelity in your first marriage and you feel that you can't go through it again, which is why you are not wanting to confront your husband. You can go through it because you have to confront him so you know and can move forward from there. If you don't, you will remain in the limbo state you are in right now. The fact that your husband is communicating with his ex fiancé is already bad news and the fact that you told him that you didn't mind is giving him a free pass. He was gone for 11 days and only spoke with you 4 times? Is that normal for him to not want communication with you? He should have spoken to you at least 11 times if not more. If you love him, you must talk with him and let him know what you know. Tell him you don't want him communicating with this lady or any other lady and if he has any respect for your wishes, he will do so. You deserve to be treated with love and respect and be the only women that he texts and wants to call when he takes a trip. If you can, go with him on his next trip so you both can be together. I hope that everything works out for you, but know that if your suspicions are true, you will be ok and get through this. I wish you well.


4tsom10 profile image

4tsom10 5 years ago from Texas Author

Dgreen,

26 years is such a long time to devote to someone only to find out that your husband has been involved with 3 different women that you know of. After confronting him and letting him know your feeling, he repeated his actions. There is no excuse to continually hurt you and you are wise to divorce him and move on. You deserve better than that and you are taking your life in control. Good luck to you and stand your ground!


baxterboomer 5 years ago

Thank you for your advise. I confronted my husband about the more than 200 texts. I told him that I think that at the very least, he is becoming emotionally involved with his ex. He disaggreed with me and said it was completely innocent...big surprise! I told him that I won't go through this again and that my life has more value to me than to live this way. He wants to try couseling. I told him I would try short term couseling but will NOT compromise my values as well as my feelings. He has hurt me possiably beyond repair. We will just have to see. Thank you for giving me the courage to confront him. I wish you the very best in your life. You are helping so many woman deal with the most heartbreaking situations. You will be blessed for your good work. I will keep you posted on our progress. Thank you.


4tsom10 profile image

4tsom10 5 years ago from Texas Author

Baxterboomer,

I am soooooooooooo proud of you!!! You really have taken the first step in making your life better. If anything good comes out of this, it's knowing that you are a strong woman who can stand on your own two feet. Hopefully the counseling will help. My husband and I did some counseling and it gave us the opportunity to let everything out of the bag and then hear feedback from our counselor. Stand your ground, let him know how this has affected you until he understands...cause right now he doesn't. I'm so glad that my situation helped you and when things get better, you can pay it forward and help someone else in need. Please do keep me posted on your life. I wish you every happiness!


dgreen64 5 years ago

Baxterboomer,

Just be aware that I thought my husband was going to stop after the first one. He promised 3 times that he would. I kept finding that he lied. The final warning I guess he got it thru his head to quit communicating with her, but he only started texting/chatting with another one. All I'm saying is be on your guard, because if they've done it once (the hardest time) then they will more than likely do it again. Look for the signs!

GOOD LUCK!!!

_________________________________________________________

Last month he had 4,833 in/out text messages!!!! I guess theses people men or women just like to get the attention that they aren't getting from home.

His children see how he puts his texting & FB before them even. It's bad enough that I hurt by his addiction, but it's horrible when he'd rather chat with other people before his own family!!

It's been a month since I told my husband I want a divorce. A couple of times I almost said "Let's work this out." My heart wouldn't let me! I know deep down that it wasn't going to stop and I know I am doing the right thing!!!

We know we can't sell the house because we probably owe more than it's worth. I'm scared to death on how I will make it financially because our business is also hurting. We have agreed for now that we will have to live as roommates. This will be difficult because he will still continue the FB/texting in front of me. I try to avoid being around him as much as possible. I can only pray that our situation will be over quickly and I can move on!


Jaz Justice 5 years ago

I am a guy going through the same as many of you ladies. I am not married but have been in a solid relationship for the past three years. I never questioned or second guessed my girlfriend, I have always felt secure in our relationship. As of three months ago her ex high school sweetheart came back to town and I find her texting him many times a day. I have gotten jealous and when she wasn't around looked at a few text messages that i thought were odd in content but when i ask her about them she manages to twist it and tells me i'm wrong for looking and then stays mad at me to i give. I never was ta txter but as of recent i have been trying to do the same,in hopes of getting her to stop. Nothing is working

and everytime I approach her on it somehow i become the one doing wrong. I have raised her son who is 5 now and we have bought a house together. I think i should leave if but can't bring myself to. I'm starting to hate my weakness. I'm nothing more than her puttet i feel...Just sayin'


Shanna 5 years ago

I have a bf that i met back in July of this year after i got a divorce from my husband (this year also) and I have found texts of him talking to women on his cellphone about their "boobies" and such. I have confronted him of it and he feels it is not cheating and that i am stressing him out about it. He does live me and my three children so I know if I should do anything it could upset my children. But all in all I am getting fed up with him texting these women now because he said that if I look at his phone one more time he will leave me. I do not know what to do and if someone could help me decide on what i should do I would appreciate it very much. Thank you.

Shanna


4tsom10 profile image

4tsom10 5 years ago from Texas Author

Hi Shanna,

You know what you should do! If you are fine with your boyfriend sexting other women then stay in the situation, but from everything you write, you are NOT fine with that. He is trying to turn it around on you and giving you ultimatums which is just wrong since he is the one at fault. Who cares if he's being stressed out. You have every right to know what he is doing especially if he is living with you. If he says he will leave you if you look at his phone, open the door for him! You don't need someone like that in your life and your kids don't need that type of example as a role model. You can find someone better who will give you the love and respect that you deserve. If he loves you, he will stop sexting these women because it is cheating. If he doesn't stop, then he doesn't love you.


rebelgirl_5 5 years ago

My husband met a local girl at the Tractor Supply Store. He found her funny and would stop in to joke around and visit. This has been about 3 years. Within the last year it has developed into texting. I have no idea what these texts say because at first he would keep all his texts deleted, only recently has be started just deleting her's. I know this is a big CLUE! She texts him all the time, he is stopping what he is doing to answer her when i can barely get a reply on my texts. I will ask who it is and he says, "Just your favorite person". He knows i don't like her or approve of the texting but continues anyway. Just yesterday i caved and looked on his phone and he hadn't deleted one yet. She called him baby and he replyed calling her baby back. I didn't go beserk or panic, I wanted to give it some time until tonight she had texted him and he hadn't read it yet. It said blah blah blah, I luv u 2. We have been married 10 years, have 3 children. He has recently lost his job, has a hurt back and is constant pain. He is on blood pressure meds so we do not have an overly active sexual relationship. I asked him after the 1st found text if he was happily married to me, he said yes. Then i asked if there was someone out there who could give him what i cant. His answer was that he has no sexual desire, a bad back, and a crap job so he couldn't do anyone any good. My questions are: Why is he being so stupid? Is he trying to get something from this girl however innocent he thinks it is that makes him feel good? Am I stupid?

I need some advice please...


4tsom10 profile image

4tsom10 5 years ago from Texas Author

Hi Rebelgirl,

There is something definitely going on with your husband and "your favorite person." The fact that he knows you don't approve of that and he continues is the biggest indication of that. I'm a firm believer that in most cases, men and women can't be "friends" in the simplest term. You don't call a friend of the opposite sex "baby" or text them that you love them. Have you looked at the phone bill to see if they are having actual conversations too? You have every right to know what your husband is doing and who he is communicating with. If the shoe was on the other foot, I'm sure he wouldn't like another man calling you "baby." Did you have a good sex life before he hurt his back and lost his job? With 3 children, I would guess probably not since I have 3 kids too (lol)! He is living in a fantasy world with this "friend" and she is most likely telling him things that are stroking his ego (he's attractive, he's funny, she likes talking with him, et cetera). But please remember, that is NO EXCUSE for him to be texting her or anyone else other than you. If he feels that he's missing something with you, he should be telling you this so you can either work things out or move on. He is cheating with this person and if they haven't had actual sex, they have probably texted about it and the natural progression will probably be to physically solidify their "friendship". You neeed to tell your husband that you want his relationship with this girl to stop right now. If you want to work on your relationship, I would recommend seeking counseling so everything (good and bad) can come out and be discussed. You're not stupid...he is because he is risking his family.Simply put, if he wants to be with you, he will stop communicating with her and work on the marriage. If he doesn't stop, then yes, you will be stupid for staying with him. You deserve much better than that. Please let me know how things turn out...I truly hope things work out for you.


Toss up 5 years ago

Why is it easy to forgive than to forget. I seems like not being able to forget would make it hard to move on with the relationship. I have found several inappropriate text messages and emails my boyfriend had sent to several women he dealth with in the past. I approached him about it, but it resulted in him claiming to being the victim and tried to make me look like I did something bad. Is it worth fighting for a relationship when a child is involved?


anonymous 5 years ago

Well, being a guy, I agree that it is wrong what your husbands have done. It is possible for a guy and a girl to be friends without having sexual feelings for each other, but there's a very fine line. I think that if they were 'just friends' with the girls, they would have told you about it before you confronted them.


4tsom10 profile image

4tsom10 5 years ago from Texas Author

Toss up,

Although one says they forgive someone...that is not really the case because how can you really forgive a betrayal from the one person who you thought would never do that? When children are involved, it changes the whole dynamic of things because you don't want the children to be affected. If the inappropriateness has only been with texting and emails and he has stopped AND he wants to work on your relationship, then your relationship is worth fighting for. You did not do anything bad by looking at his personal texts and emails. You suspected something for a reason and you were right. He's NOT the victim so don't let him convince you of that. If you both love each other and want to work it out, it can be done is both of you are committed to that cause. Good luck to you and your family.


4tsom10 profile image

4tsom10 5 years ago from Texas Author

Anonymous, Thanks for your input from a guys perspective. I agree that having a friend of the opposite sex could easily cross the line too. My thought is to just not go there...if two people are in a committed relationship, having someone else in the mix causes issues that could have been avoided.


Toohonest 5 years ago

I recently felt the same. I've been with my husband for a year now and I found out he was texting another woman. The thing is he lives in another country(I am getting a visa for him so we can live together in the U.S.)and when i went to see him I saw the texts. The thing that hurts the most is that all this time that we were apart he was talking to her the whole time. I am so upset with it and really don't know if I can trust him again. I don't even know if I want to continue our marriage. It hurt alot and now that I am back in the U.S. I am always overthinking what if he is doing it again? I don't if I can move on. He said he never did anything with her, but that was more than enough it was like cheating because all those moments or words they exchanged he could have done it with me. Do you or anyone have any advice for me? We've been together for about six years.


rick 5 years ago

me and the wife had a threesome one time my idea and a bad one). ever since the wife goes out to the bars every weekend and goes alone, says i wouldn't like it. she came hime around 2 years ago and told me she had sex with this guy at the bar and said it was my fault. reason for me requesting her to have a threesome. we made up and i forgave her. now 2 years later, i peaked at her cell phone and she text a man (that was suppose to be with a friend of hers), and sai he made her horny and hope he felt the same. he replied her had a hard on for her.after christmas i confrontered her and she said i had no business to look at her phone and that nothing was going on, just like watching porn to get excited.she noi intention to have sex with this man cause she has only seen him one or two times.should i stay or go? I need to know please.


4tsom10 profile image

4tsom10 5 years ago from Texas Author

Toohonest,

I'm sorry for your pain. From what you have written, it sounds like he's not committed to your relationship and he might be using you to get his visa. Even though you are married, he's living the single life. My advice to you is to cancel his visa application and move on. I'm sure you can find someone who lives in your country and who wants to be with you. Good Luck


4tsom10 profile image

4tsom10 5 years ago from Texas Author

Rick,

You should totally go! The fact that you had a threesome in no way gives your wife the right to cheat on you. It's not your fault because she could have always said no, it that made her uncomfortable. You have EVERY right to go thru her cell phone if you suspect anything and the fact that she has cheated on you gives you the right to go thru her cell phone daily...if not hourly! You need to be the one that she's texting and you need to be the one that makes her horny. It sounds like the trust is gone and if you don't have that...you basically have no relationship. Good Luck with your decision.


sweetloving272002 5 years ago

I have a questions and I have been trying to figure it out by asking lots of questions. First I have to say I totally agree with what was said about whether you are phycially, emotionally or verbally doing something like that with someone other than the person you are with it is cheating.

my issue that I am having a hard time with right now is my future husband... he isn't texting other women, my problem is he is texting this one friend and it is all the time. and this friend is a cheating man that as admitted to him that he likes to cheat. I have found out (by doing the pychobitch tactic) that they send naked pictures of other woman back and forth to each other and I really don't know what is said . but I can only imagine what gets said. just recently I found out that pictures I has sent to my fiancé he has sent to his friend. talking about what they want to do. and he has said something about me doing a dance for him. he has told me that it is all a joke, and that he would never let the actions happen. My problem is why does he talk about the things he talks about and do I have need to be concerned about it? with him being such great friends with this man (who mind you trys to get him to go out with him, but he hasn't as far as I know) he does like to keep things from me when it comes to this man because he knows I cant stand him and I don't trust him. am I wrong and over reacting?


4tsom10 profile image

4tsom10 5 years ago from Texas Author

sweetloving,

This one is a different situation, but the fact that your future husband sent private pictures of you that you sent to him is not a very good indication of trust and loyalty to you. That's a total disrespect to you by the one person that you should be able to depend on. Men sending naked pictures of other women to each other is disgusting, but I think it's more common that we want to believe. When guys get together with their friends, they are different than the men we know and love. I suspect if women really knew what they talked about we all would become lesbians! If his friend cheats and your bf still is close with him, to me that's a character flaw of your boyfriend...which would make me question everything. Marriage is tough enough without having these worries so you are not wrong or over reacting. Only you know if you can live your life with this man the way he is right now. It's doubtful that he will change after marriage if he hasn't changed since being with you. You should be his best friend now, not anyone else. Good Luck with your decision.


psycho-bitch-lesbian 5 years ago

My wife has been married 3 times before. She told me about her cheating past.....guess they never change. She's texting a man now! An old friend found again on facebook! Texting is so wrong! Trust is something to never get back! I feel like the last 11 years of my life are wasted. If she don't want our life anymore.....go ahead and get on with it! Leave!!!!


Travis 5 years ago

Good thing I found this website. Me and my wife are married for 4 yrs. I caught my wife texting a guy saying, I'm done taking a shower and i'm singing. The name of the guy in her cellphone is B. They call each other B. Their sending love quotes for a month. I confronted my wife asking who is this guy, she said that's only her textmate, and she said that she has already have a son and saying that were in a complicated stage which is not true. I'm trying to call the guy using my wife cellphone and the guy is not answering nor replying to her text messages. I'm very angry in my wife. I don't think i can trust her anymore. and I wanna get a divorce. I need an advice on this one...


MHJW 5 years ago

Wow, I thought I was the only person going through this as I feel so alone. I've been with my husband for about 9 years (married for only 1) and the same old crap has been going on during most of our relationship.It's been a combination of internet chats, personal dating sites, and most recently texting. I've made the mistake many, many times of forgiving him, and giving him more and more chances. Well, I've finally had enough. Last week I found out that he met yet another girl while out with his friends, and of course, added her phone number to his cell phone. Well, he's been texting her all month, and even called her for a half an hour one evening when I wasn't home. When I confronted him he said they're just friends and that he likes meeting new people, and talking to people. He then went on to blame me for being too "boring". What a jerk - he turned it around to somehow make it my fault (which it's not!) He's put a lock on his phone so I can't check the messages, and when I asked him to show me their conversations on his phone, he wouldn't. I've just had it, and I'm so sick of feeling 2nd, 3rd, or even 4th best in his life. He spends all of his time texting, and barely pays any attention to me. There is no love, affection, or even respect coming from him anymore. I really feel like it was a mistake marrying him, as after only a year of "wedded bliss", I have decided I want to divorce him. I can only say thank God we don't have any children - I can't imagine dealing with this, and having kids involved. I know that it's time to get out NOW becuase he'll never, ever change. To those of you out there that suspect their fiances of doing this - get rid of them NOW! It never, ever stops, and you will forever have a sick feeling in your stomach every time he or she gets or sends a text, or even goes online. It has seriously affected the person I am, and I'm ready to get my self back, and to eventually find someone who will show me the love and respect that I've deserved for the last 9 years! I'm sick of not trusting him, and trying to brush these incidents under the rug. I will soon be a single girl again, and will always, always pay attention to my gut feelings from now on.

Ah, it feels so good to vent about this :) Thanks for listening!


MHJW 5 years ago


hurtingsomuch 5 years ago

well i just found out on monday that my boyfriend has been texting and talking on the phone with a female. i confronted him about it and he admitted to it. states he doesn't know her personally just by phone. states they only talked about the problems in our relationship. i don't beleave that of course. so i packed my things and left him. he tells me i made a mistake because we could have fixed this. he states he didn't cheat and that he was sorry that he lied to me. i love him so deeply im so confused. i want to be with him but to me that was cheeting. was i wrong did i do the wrong thing. please people help me....


4tsom10 profile image

4tsom10 5 years ago from Texas Author

Psycho...

Sorry about your relationship with your wife. She told you about her past which was practically an indicator that she would cheat on you. I think the phrase..."once a cheater, always a cheater" comes to mind here. You deserve much better so. Don't wait for her to leave...you leave or tell her to go!


4tsom10 profile image

4tsom10 5 years ago from Texas Author

Travis,

It sounds like the trust is gone. She's texting her textmate about her daily activities? If you want to stay in the relationship, you need to confront her in a calm way and try to get her to be honest with you on your marriage. She is definitely in the wrong for texting someone else since you should be the one to receive the love notes and no one else. Trust is everything in a relationship and it takes a long time to gain the trust back...if at all. I would suggest that you both have an honest talk (no verbal bashing) and get everything out in the open, even if you don't like what you're hearing. If you still feel that you won't ever be able to trust her, get a divorce. There is someone out there who won't hurt you and give you the love you deserve.


4tsom10 profile image

4tsom10 5 years ago from Texas Author

MHJW,

Thank you for venting! I'm sorry that you felt like second best for so long, but you did the right thing and moving on will be the best decision you could have made for yourself so congratulations to you for that. Don't let him ever convince you that his cheating was your fault because it wasn't and never was. Cheating is a choice and it shows a lack of morals, respect and honor. You are so much better for taking charge of your life and I wish you so much happiness!


4tsom10 profile image

4tsom10 5 years ago from Texas Author

hurtingsomuch,

I'm sorry to say this, but your boyfriend is only sorry that he got caught. He was cheating on you if not sexually, then certainly emotionally which is just as bad. If you had "problems" to work out in your relationship, he should have spoken to you about it instead of texting someone else. I to don't believe that they were only texting about your relationship. I know that you love him, but if he loved you he wouldn't have started something with someone else. If you go back with him, expect to have that horrible feeling in your gut everytime his phone rings, he gets a text or just leaves to run an errand. The trust is gone and it's a horrible feeling to have. He will more than likely do it again, he'll just try to be more secretive. You did the right thing in moving out which is a great start in bettering your life, although it might not feel like it. In time, you will find someone who will be your soulmate and never hurt you like that. Good luck to you!


stevielynn_85 5 years ago

Hi 4tsom10,

I need some advice. I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I've been married for only 9 months now. I've lived with my husband for 2 years all together. I met him 10 years ago online when I was only 15. We never met in person until 2 years ago and fell in love immediately. He's been married before though, to his ex wife for 5 years, which he also met on the internet. I'm only 25 and he's 32. I was always against the thought of marriage until he proposed. I love him so much and feel like I don't know him as well as I used to. He proposed Dec of 08, and accidentally slipped to tell me his ex wife was furious when she found out. He ended up admitting to me that they were still in contact. I was pissed. They have no children together, so there was no need for it. He always refers to her as "bitch" cuz she cheated on him. Then, July of 2009 I moved here, and transferred jobs to be with him. After moving here, I got him a cell phone in my name through AT&T. Last Christmas, I started paying bills online with my debit card. Proceded to find I could view a detailed summary of everything on his line and mine. I ended up finding where he had texted his ex wife his new number the first week he had it, first thing in the morning after I had kissed him goodbye and headed off to work. I found another number over and over that appears before and after his lunch break, and all night while he's at work in between talking to me and after midnight through 6 in the morning. I also found calls and text messages to his ex wife. Granted it was only 3 days, but still. That's not a "how are you doing" conversation that he tries to tell me they had. I was sick. When finding this number, he claims it was a metro number and had to be someone in his family. Of course by the time I found it, and called, it had a different owner who had no idea who my husband was. It drives me crazy not knowing who he was talking to for 4 months straight night and day! Then, in May after we were married, he was constantly on facebook. So one morning I looked through his phone, and found personal direct messages of sexual conversation between him and this "mutual friend" of his and his sister. I messaged her from my facebook and forwarded it to my husband and then deleted both of our accounts. I also managed to find in his myspace inbox, an e-mail from a girl several states away that he's never once mentioned! She was saying how good it would be to hear his voice, and gave her number in the e-mail. So...I took the number to work, and searched the phone bill, and found where he had talked and texted her for only 1 day not even 2 weeks after we were married! I never confronted him about her though. I let it go. However. The day before this past new years eve, he comes home from work and proceeds to tell me that "some kid" randomly texted him. He said "I had some weird number from Idaho, text me today". He said he texted them back asking who it was and they supposedly said "sorry, it was my kid messing around." I knew then when that bad gut feeling took over he was lying. I came to work the next day to see if her name would show up, cuz I have a "phonebook" saved online, that recognizes numbers with alias names you can enter and save, very convenient! Long and behold, there it was! Her name, where she texted him first, and he texted back only twice. Which probably was to tell her to e-mail him through myspace or his yahoo account. I told him to delete them both seems how he's so demanding about me deleting all my accounts to prevent ex bf's from contacting me.

I need your help. I don't know how to confront him. I'm so sick of trying to get him to tell me the truth about things. Hell, I only know what I know from finding it out all on my own. Like the time he googled his ex wife after I made him delete facebook! I'm so sick of getting hurt and not being able trust him. Wondering if he's made new e-mail accounts to keep in contact with god only knows who! I just want to know I'm the only one he needs and wants. I want to feel secure in my marriage again, but I don't that it's possible. How should I confront him?


4tsom10 profile image

4tsom10 5 years ago from Texas Author

Stevie,

Wow...from what you have written, your husband has been lying to you for a very long time. I know that you love him, but it seems just one sided. He doesn't love or respect the vows he made to you if he's still in communication with his ex as well as other girls. You're having to worry and stress out about his relationship with the ex plus others and that's a horrible position that he has put you in. If I were you, I would get out of that relationship since it seems you're more of a detective than a wife in this union. You're a newlywed and this should be such a happy time for you and your husband. You should be able to trust your husband with your life and it doesn't sound like you can...for obvious reason. There are men out there that aren't scumbags and you will find someone else who is trustworthy and loves you, although you might not think so right now. I wouldn't use the word "confront", but I would ask him to sit with you and talk about everything..good and bad. Try not to yell at each other because that will only make things worse. You were so right to go through his personal business because you felt something wasn't right and you were correct. You both need to talk it out and either stay together or move on. Once trust is lost, it's so hard to trust again. Your relationship will be different now, you just need to decide it you want to stay and feel as you feel now, or move on to a new life. If you stay, I would recommend that you speak with a counselor to help you sort out your feelings. It helps a lot when you have someone to talk to about this that is not on a particular side.

Hope everything works out for you Keep us updated!


sleeplessandhurt 5 years ago

We have been married for 5 years. We haven't had a good sexual relationship due to my inability to perform sometimes. I have been working hard to improve my condition by going to doctor and taking care of my health but it has not help me much. In fact I think its getting worse and I agree that all blame has to be on me. She is obviously unhappy about it. So she calls me Gay, Loser everytime I can not perform or we get into fights and to make matter worse I have some anger issue. Though I never start a fight or behave bad with her, but I can not tollerate when she does that to me. So we have gotten into very very serious fights. But we both tend to forget stuff and move forward only to find that we are creating distance between us. When she is happy she claims that she love me and can overlook my weekness.

Well things were ok until last november. I was and still trying hard to become atleast a decent husband and she was her usual. But late last november when I was going through our cell phone bill online I was caught by surprised by the number of text messages that was exchanged between her and her colleague. So I started looking previous months bills and saw a pattern of text messaging. They were text messaging a lot when she had a day off or he had a day off, when both just get off of work until she gets home, on holidays when I am not around. So I told her that she was way over her text messsage plan limit and and asked her what's the deal coz some time they exchange more than 50 texts that lasted for hours. She said that he is a good friend and they talk about work stuff. She claimed that there was numerous text message cos the guy sends single text even shorter one in multiple texts like "how are you" would be "how" "are" "you". I did the math and told her that even if he was texting such way she still was texting almost same number of text as him. So she got mad and told me that she deleted all her text with him. once i saw a text after their office party "loved your hair last night". I told her that I don't have any problem texting her guy friend but that she need to draw a line. But she got mad that I was checking how many texts she sends or he sends and she would not care what I think and would continue to keep doing so. We had a huge fight that day. And I decided that that was it. Coz couple of years back I had a very close friend (a girl) even before I met my wife. We were so close my wife started having problem with our friendship and we would get into arguments about it. So I broke my friendship with my friend to save my marrige. But she would flat out refuse to listen me. I was not asking her to stop talking or texting her friend, but simply draw a line so that the guy would be aware.

But the day I decided to break our marrige, I found out that she was pregnant. I was so happy and even she said that she will do whatever it takes to make our relationship work for us and for our kid. But then she did not stop texting the guy. She told me that she would draw the line but then she started using free text app where she could text the guy and I would not even know about it. She would delete all the text from her app. So I decided to put my email address on her setting so that everytime she gets text I would know who sent it.

Thats how I knew that she was deleting all her text. On her christmas party she got text from the guy saying she is his bff and she means a lot to him and love her(it could be friendly love), but after few mins he texted "you didn't even look at me when you left" and "I am sorry if I hurt you, you mean a lots to me" and so on.

And when I brought up these stuff to her she told me that I should forget about that and look forward and she promised me that she would not delete any text and would draw the line now. She keep saying that now I have to trust her coz she hadn't made promise before.

Last week was the guy's last day at work and the whole office went out to say bye to him. Later I found out that he and her stayed after everybody left. I found out coz she accidently called my phone and forgot to turn it off. I could not make out what they were talking but I could tell that after 15 mins or so everybody left and it was only her and him. So she had to tell me that they were there talking and she told him that she was pregnant and he was happy for her and he wondered why she never talks about me and he likes the the girl like her who is so dedicated on her work. She told me thats all they talked.

Next morning I found that she had pictures of him on her cell phones. Though its from her office parties but what bothered me was that she only took his pictures. I tried not talking about it coz she is pregnant and I don't want anything to happen to our baby. But I can not make happy face when I am sad so it came up and she started crying and told me that how I am torturing her and baby by this.

She says she has not done anything wrong and I am the one over reacting.

I don't know what to do. I keep waking up at the middle of the night and cant go back to sleep. Am I over reacting?


Anon 5 years ago

My boyfriend of a year and a half has been texting who i beileve to be his ex gf. Its saved under a surename which cud be hers or cud be nothing to do wi her. Last year he said he was goin for a works night out. A couple of months later he handed me his phone to look at a photo but i looked thru his texts. There was one from her from that night sayin "did u see what i did with my money in my top drawer?" from this i took he was aat her house. But she also used to work at his work and i didn't now if she was still pally wi some folk from theere. He says shes a raging alcoholic. Then months later i found pictures of her on his laptop. Know i know he had hooked his old phone upto the computer to transfer photos of his necies and nephews. Then i found texts on his phone askin if sh wanted to go out a run on the motorbike and she cud come over if she needed to talk. Or for a dvd or for a cuddle. I must expllane tht i work days and he works nightshifts. Well recently hes gt his iphone on which she is under this surname. Im worried hes cheatin. How do i confront him wiout him knowin iv been readin his txts xxx


Wooda 5 years ago

My boyfriend sends and receives MULTIPLE texts every single day with his x-wife. And these don't revolve around the two kids he has. He just says they are "friends". I have an issue with it. I feel stupid for seeming jealous, but I also think, well what if I texted my x boyfriend like that. But I really don't know what to think. And to make it worse, he doesn't tell me about it. If it wasn't something to hide, why not tell me?


DisillusionedOne 5 years ago

A few weeks ago, I found some disturbing text messages on my wife's phone. She had confided in a female friend 'that she is in love with another man'. That alone made my heart break. I read on, she had also confided in a male coworker that she has a problem. The worst possible thing I could read was next...she had texted something very dirty and sexual in nature to the man she was 'in love' with. I never expected this to happen, we just got married last year. I couldn't keep pretending it was OK. So I confronted her about it. I was worried she had cheated on me with him in a physical manner. To my disbelief she assured me that she would never have taken it that far. It was just a "text thing". I couldn't believe it. I almost can't. We've talked it over and she says she will never do it again. She loves me and I mean the world to her. She would never hurt me again. I want to trust her so badly. But this is something I would NEVER have done to her, EVER. TEXTING IS CHEATING. The words I read, they can never fully be erased from my mind. I want to save my marriage, but when she is away, my mind drifts back to that morning. The pain comes back and I feel the trust start to drift away, again. We've changed alot of things in our relationship recently. We are building trust back. Ultimately, it made us stronger. There is a LONG ways to go in order to return to the prior level of trust. If anyone is reading this and has the same problem my wife did. STOP NOW! You're hurting the one you love. It's wrong, immoral and severely selfish. Marriage is a sacred vow. Get divorced if you want someone else. My heart has and always will belong to my wife. No amount of seduction from another woman will ever change this. Sorry to ramble on, but I'm a terrible writer. Thanks for reading.


Doubtingfrank 5 years ago

hi everyone, I been dating my bf for 3 years and I move in with him 2yrs ago. Since then I been seeing red flag up in the air. When he's with me, everything around me dissappear. We crack jokes, we wine and dine, go catch a movie in the middle of the night. He take care of me, provide things that I want, but every man has secret. I think guys want to have little secret on side its more like there secure blancket. It happen when I move in when I noticed he's life with his brother is more like single guys going wild. He was going to strip joint and sport bar. Now all of this had happen the first 6 months I move-in. I put my foot down but that didn't lasted. Well one day everything was fine, we were waiting for our food and by accident I grab his phone, and to my surprised, he had couple girls number with booty shot in there caller ID. Well I freak out and I made a big fuzz about and of course he play the innocent one. Theirs nothing going on, where just friend. Well I gave him a silence treatment for awhile. Couple months later everything was peachy. Then it happen again, he had a secret friend someone I never heard of a "cousin " pop in his life. So I when with it. Until one night his phone rang he said it was brother, but when he passed out I checked his missed called and it was his " cousin " so I called. Me and the girl we cursing each over the phone, well that woke my bf from his hang-over. So I said Im going to bring his mom and have her straighted him out. He was doing good until couple days ago it happen again, now this time its FB to blame. For the past couple months he's been Sexting to an old flame. Now what should I do?


greenflower 5 years ago

i need some advice.

My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for almost two years. Two months into our relationship, I caught him cheating his ex-gf. She mostly pursued him, he wrote back for her to stop, but then there were couple times he initiated the conversation and said he missed her. I didn't say anything since the relationship was new and I had planned to leave to work abroad in 9 months. I didn't care much I guess.

But then, i found more texts from other girls, random three who he's never had relationships with, but obviously was attracted to. Some messages were really flirty, borderline sexual. There were messages like this every other week, 2-3 times a week.

I finally confronted him, and he apologized and then said that he did all this because he knows im leaving and he's really insecure in the relationship. Well, what could I do? i knew i had to leave in 9 months, but I had started getting attached to him, so before I busted him, I had thoughts that maybe we could make it work; from his behavior and the way he treated me, i felt like he was crazy about me and loved me already. I was excited to fall in love with him! So, I said to myself that I can move past this, and I tried to understand his insecurity. Few months went by, and we fought a lot, we lost respect for each other- we only had moments of extreme happiness and extreme sadness. Couple months before I left, I found more instances of him contacting his ex- almost every time we would have bad fights and brake up. We had really angry, name-calling fights. I feel like my blame-game pushed him back into texting the girls. Cuz then, i found messages from him texting two other girls- flirting. so obviously he wasn't in love with his ex because he was texting around with random ppls. By this point, I was just looking forward to leaving. Right before I moved away, we spent two weeks together and surprisingly we had a really good time together and it was peaceful and we were both really sad that I was leaving. It felt genuine that he was heartbroken.

Now I am abroad and I find myself still with him because I missed him so much, we decided to get back together and do long-distance. He came to visit me across the world, and when he left he had promised me that he has been faithful to me ever since I left; that he realized how important i was to him once i wasn't there anymore. I duno if I could trust him though- i have a feeling that I can, but there are instances when I am really hurting from the past. He has really changed since I left (work-wise/being responsible, more ambitious). he keeps in touch with me every day and I can always count on him to respond to my emails or calls. he tells me more about his new friends and who he goes out with; he shares his thoughts and ideas, like he never did before. He has asked me move in with him when I come back from abroad, and he has told me numerous times that he wants to be with me forever. He said that by the way also when I was back home and he would text other girls, so im not sure how valid it is now.

I'm not sure what to do. I come back in 6 months, and I need to make a decision. It's just hard to wipe away a year of deception. They still haunt me, but at the same I get so happy to talk to him and to see him when I come back. Am I being naiive though?

Brutal honesty is welcome. Thanks.


Lost 5 years ago

I have been with my fiancée coming up on 10 years in July. I just found out that from June 10 to Oct 10 he had been texting a woman he had dated years ago. She befriended him on facebook and it went from there. He said she orginally contacted him to apoligize for the way things had ended between them and also threw in that she just had happned to be prgnant when they broke up and she had terminated the pregnancy and she just thought he should know. Based on the phone records there had not been any contact since October, but just on jan 10th there were a few back and forth texts between the two of them. I did not have any clue, and I just happned to be checking old cell phone usage just to see if I wanted to change providers, and thats how I found out about this woman. I have been an emotional wreck since I found out. He said at first he was excited to have some positive attention from this woman. She complimanted him and flirted with him. Basically did everything that I was not doing. He said while all this attention felt good, after a few months, it was not who he wanted the attention from. Yes, he was getting sexual gratification from it because she would talk dirty and he enjoys that, but he said deep down he knew it was wrong and he was not feeling better about himself, so he ended it. I realize that when you are in a committed realtionship, there are boundries that should not be crossed, but are there exceptions? My first initial "reaction" was to pack my stuff and our kids and leave. I was angry and hurt. But then reality smaked me the face and I had to really ask myself, why this happned. And the truth really sucks. My fiancée has always been a very emotional, sexual man, and I have always been on the reserved side. I would have rather him think that I did not care for him then show him my true feelings. I had always turned away from his advances, hugs, kisses, flirting, ect...and I have guilt for turning him into someone who would do something so dectivful. So my question is, do some men do something like this soley cause they are "missing" something that they desire? Do I even have a chance in fullfilling his desires anymore? Is this something that he is gonna want to do again because of the thrill? Does the fact that "he" ended it before it got out of hand mean anything?


4tsom10 profile image

4tsom10 5 years ago from Texas Author

Lost,

Crossing the line is crossing the line. There are no exceptions to this...EVER! If your fiancé felt neglected by you. He should have talked to you about this or left you. You both have been in a relationship for 10 years which is a long time. Every relationship hits rough patches now and then but that doesn't give the other person the right to seek out others. If you love your fiancé and want to stay in this relationship, you both need to work on it and really talk to each other and be completely honest. Of course you can fulfill his desires... if you want to. It's going to be tough though since you caught him betraying your trust with someone else, but it's not impossible to be close again. Will he do it again? I don't know, but until you start to trust him again, you will probably think so. Good Luck to you!


guy 5 years ago

is texn cheating well mabye not at first and it may seem like harmless friendship but belive me when i say it soon turns in to more than that with deep feelings and been able to telling this other person secrets and taughts dat u may have never told your partner and when my wife found out i lied trough my teeth yes i cudnt lie about the texn as she found the bills so i said it was only a laugh we were only friends we had somr terrable rows but were trying to make a go for the childrens sake the truth i will say on this page is i fell in love with this other woman we did meet in secret had amazing chemestry had i meet her be fore i met my wife i would honestly be with her a lot of men only stay for the children and the security my wife is a gud person but my heart belongs to another


thatstupid 5 years ago

I have suspected for sometime taht my husband has been up to something. Everytime I would bring up the subject he would acuse me of being paranoid. last year I hacked his facebook and found him messaging a girl he said he knew growing up and that he only talked to on FB. Also found several other woman. He said they were just old friends catching up. When I told him we have been together for 14 years and I have never heard of them and he had been deleting messages and going out to car to talk and text I felt this made him look guilty. Asked him to stop and he said he did. A few weeks later I checked again (of course since I didn't beleive him and more of the same) different women some the same. Accused of being paranoid. I forced him to get me the phone records for cell. He did and said he would stop since phone bill showed texts and calls. Then when I tried checking bill again he had it secured to I couldn't. Then a month later I got a call from one of the women telling me that he calls and texts her all the time and he invites her on business trips (he travels for a living and is on road 4 days a week). She knew where he traveled about our kids and me. He said she was crazy and he wasn't going on FB and it was all done. I kept pushing for phone bill for last year to see if true, never believed him. He reactived Fb and we weren't friends. Two weeks ago he slipped up and had a problem with his phone, I heard him give secure code and was able to get the password reset with the code and access the cell bill. I was able to go back 16 months. Billing wasn't good. I have found over 25 women that he has had regular contact with. Some 200 calls a month and over 1000 texts a month. He seems to talk to them for 3-4 months then move on. They seem to over lap three or four at a time. He says he is bored on the road and needs to talk because he is social. I told hime to get out. We have three kids. He swears he never met any of them it was just over phone. Some were calls over two hours long. they are all day and night. Usually between 12am and 3am. Even when he is home. That is what pisses me off the most. I would ask him who he is texting or talking to and its always one of his male friends. I even keep track of his work travels for him and went back and matched dates and can tell when he was on road. Some of them are people he works with and the towns he happened to be in at the time. I have screamed and yelled. He says it looks bad, but not what I think. Does he think I am that stupid. He says he has been doing this for about 4 years. I feel like I finally proved I was right, but yet wish i wasn't.


pepe 5 years ago

hey guys !!! please i need help ,im 2 years and months with my gf ,im from argentina south america sorry about my spelling well i live in usa and im with my gf for 2 years and months the thing is we both go to the gym in diferents hours bc our jobs ,but there is is a guy at the gym whos always trying to talk to her ,one day i showed up at the gym and i saw them laughing and talking anyways i trusted her but one day i found a picture of him and his mother in her cellphone she said he is his friend and blah blah blah ,well after months i found in her cellphone 2 text messages that she sent to him with sexy pics no naked but sexy she said in the text u might like this one and he reply u are hot babe mmmmmmmm! ,seems like she erased the rest of the text conversation bc i just found 3 text msgs well last week i found he called his phone around 12:00 pm and in her phone i saw frequently call numbers and it was his number ,i didn't say a word but even i love her im about to leave her bc to me thats cheating and maybe the saw eachother and i don't even know please your opinion ..thank you


4tsom10 profile image

4tsom10 5 years ago from Texas Author

pepe,

thanks for your reply. It does appear that you girl friend is cheating on you. She's seeing someone at the gym, texting, sending pictures to someone else when it should be you that is getting her attention. Friends don't send sexy pictures to each other. Listen to your heart and your gut feeling and if you feel that she is lying to you, she probably is. You can do much better than that and find someone else who respects and appreciates you. Good Luck to you!


SADSOCCERMOM 5 years ago

WOW,I am so sad to see that others go through what I do, I catch him, he promise and then her we are again, New woman,it hurts because he spends more time sneaking around texting,sextin,calling and emailing then he does with his family, I hurts more then a one night stand when do you give up :


rennexoxo 5 years ago

Hello,

I came across your blog about texting, and I too am in a situation where my fiancée have been texting a woman for the past few weeks. I have access to the cell phone records and I came across a number that he has been texting everyday for 3 weeks. I have confronted him, and he tells me they are just friends. I don't agree, and I don't trust him.


Confused 5 years ago

Okay, so little different situation than some of them described above. I have been dating a woman on and off for about 3 and a half years. 6 months into our relationship I asked her to move in with me and thought I had found the one. 6 months later she was moving out, admittedly neither of us was ready for that yet and we both made some mistakes. We talked about it and decided that we wanted to keep working at it but might wait awhile before we moved in together again. A few months later, on her birthday, she cheated on me with a surgeon. She didn't tell me about it at first, just broke up with me and made it about my faults and flaws. I found out the hard way when I started doing a little digging. We seperated for 6 months or so and then started dating again, but it was hard. I struggled to trust her and she didn't seem to regret cheating or want to work very hard to regain my trust. It seemed she expected it rather than working to regain it. I caught her going out with other guys on what I would consider dates in the months following that and she said they were just friends and professed her love for me, yet the lies continued. Finally, I broke and walked away, only to have her chase me for months afterwards. I finally gave in, I do love the woman, and decided to give it another shot. My issue or my question is this, since we have gotten back together, she has continued to pursue "friendships" with other guys and it really bothers me. I don't have a problem with my girlfriend having friends who are male but I do have a problem when they are all single guys that she has told me have professed their love for her and she meets them alone for drinks after work, etc. She has probably in the neighborhood of ten different "guy friends" who text her and who she interacts with on her phone regularly, yet nearly half of them refuse to acknowledge me when we are out together. I have tried to talk to her and have made it very clear that I don't think that's appropriate and that it needs to stop if we are going to seriously work at this. She agrees when we talk, yet I continually see that the texts continue. So my question really is am I overreacting, should I just walk away or do you guys think it's appropriate to continue to pursue these other friendships and relationships knowing it makes your significant other feel so insecure?

I don't know or think she is physically cheating on me today but after what we've been through and the lies she's told me before, I don't think I can be a part of this with all these other guys around all the time. As an example, she had an ex-boyfriend who is just a friend now and lives out of town come visit her two weeks ago and invited him to stay with her in her one bedroom apartment. To me, that's crossing the line but just looking for outside opinions.


BLOVE 5 years ago

iVE DID SOMETHING REALY BAD I'VE TEXTED 4 OTHER GIRLS AND THE WHERE INPROPRIATE TEXTING I MEANT NOTHING BY IT WE'VE BEEN DATING FOR NINE MONTH AND SHE DECIDE TO MOVE OUT I'M LOST WITHOUT HER I TRIED I'VE BEEN HONEST WITH HER AND TOLD HER THAT I DON'T MEAN NOTHING BY IT IM VERY SORRY THAT I GOT CAUGHT AND WILLING TO DO ANYTHING TO HAVE HER BACK I WAS WONDERING IF SHE WILL EVER TAKE ME BACK..


BLOVE 5 years ago

SHE ALSO MOVED IN WITH ME THE FIRST THREE MONTH I DON'T KNOW IF I SHOULD JUST GIVE UP I STILL HAVE HER CAR KEY AND SOME STUFF AT THE HOUSE SHE ALSO CALLED ME ONE NIGHT TO SEE IF SHE HAD LEFT HAIR SPRAY I'VE ALSO DELETED MY FACEBOOK AND TOLD HER I COULD CHANGE MY PHONE NUMBER SHE SAID THE THE TRUST AS BEEN BROKEN


4tsom10 profile image

4tsom10 5 years ago from Texas Author

Confused...Really??? You already know the answer to your question. You absolutely need to get rid of your girlfriend and move forward. It sounds like she likes to be an all around girlfriend to all. She has cheated on you in the past so why would you not think she is doing it today? If she truly wanted to be with you, then she would have stopped her texting with other men once you told her how you felt. She has no respect for your feelings and if she wants to have all these "friendships" with other men, then why be in a relationship? You should certainly have a problem with her having male friends because I'm sure they don't want to just be friends with her unless it's friends with benefits. As much as you say you love her, it seems very one sided and this relationship doesn't have a strong, trusing foundation so how can it grow? You deserve someone who you can trust and be happy with. Everyone does! Good Luck to you.


4tsom10 profile image

4tsom10 5 years ago from Texas Author

BLOVE,

Yes, you did a bad thing. Why did you start texting with 4 other girls? Did you stop because you got caught by your girlfriend? Trust is everything in a relationship so she may not come back to you. Once the trust is broken it's so hard to repair it. She may not want to deal with that...and she shouldn't have to. I would say to keep apologizing for what you did, talk to her, let her know that if she comes back, you will do whatever she needs to make her feel better about your relationship. If she does come back, then you better do what she asks, if you really love her. Hope everything works out and don't screw up again!


blove 5 years ago

I keep apologizing and tell her i'm sorry i has told her that these girls where friends of mine even before i knew her i know it was wring it took me 4 times to relaize it i don't mean anything by it. she said that she cant trust me but every second day she will text to see if i'm ok. that what i don't like it hurts me..


BLOVE 5 years ago

SORRY FOR THE QUESTION YOU ASKED I HAD ALWAYS HAD TEXTED THESE GIRLS BEFORE WE WE=HERE TOGETHER SHE FOUND THEM RIGHT AT THE BEGINNING BUT I WAS HONEST WITH HER. THE THING IS THAT I DIDN'T STOP I KNOW ITS SOUNDS BAD BUT I NEVER MEANT ANY OF THE THINGS I SAID.


4tsom10 profile image

4tsom10 5 years ago from Texas Author

BLOVE, Thanks for sharing your situation. I'm glad you realize that what you did was wrong and I hope you don't ever do that again because it affects others and is very hurtful. It seems like your girlfriend still wants you in her life since she is still in contact with you. Let her know you love her and will do whatever is needed to get her back in your life and just give her time to work this out. Let the other girls you were texting know to leave you alone and hopefully things will work out for the both of you.


4tsom10 profile image

4tsom10 5 years ago from Texas Author

Rennexoxo-All you can do is let your fiancé know that you don't want him texting another women...friend or not. If he respects and loves you, he will stop. If he doesn't stop, then there should be nothing more to discuss and you should get out of that situation as fast as you can. If he's doing this before you are married, know that is won't stop after marriage. Take care of yourself and don't accept that in your life.


BLOVE  5 years ago

THANK YOU FOR THIS IT MAKES ME HAPPY


4tsom10 profile image

4tsom10 5 years ago from Texas Author

Sadsoccermom-You didn't give up...he did. You need to take yourself out of the situation because you don't deserve to hurt anymore. Situations like this are just as bad, if not more than a one night stand. You question everything that he does and says to you and the feeling is almost unbearable. Get out of that and find happiness in your life and more will follow.


BLOVE 5 years ago

SORRY TO MAKE THIS CLEAR I STILL HAVE HER CAR KEY AND SHE STILLS AS A BASKET OF HER AT MY HOUSE I ASKED FOR MY BOOTS BACK AND SHE SAID SHE FORGOT THEM IS SHE JUST THINKING OF THE RELATIONSHIP AND HOW MKUCH TIME DO I GIVE HER BECAUSE THIS RELAY HURTS ME ACTUALLY STRESSES ME OUT... SO WHEN I TALK TO HER AND SHE SAYS SHE DON'T TRUST ME AND SAYS SHE DOESN'T WANT TO WORK AT THIS SHE GAVE ME ENOUGH CHANCES? IS IT BECAUSE SHE CONFUSED AT THE MOMENT?


BLOVE 5 years ago

I'VE DELETED ALL THE GIRLS NUMBERS INCLUDING MY FACEBOOK


BLOVE 5 years ago

I WOULD LOVE TO SEND HER FLOWERS IS IT A GOOD IDEA THIS IS KILLING ME INSIDE GOOD OR BAD IDEA ITS ONLY BEEN 1 WEEK AND A HALF WE HAVEN'T SEEN EACH OTHER


BLOVE  5 years ago

I SENT HER FLOWERS SHE WASN'T HAPPY SHE TOLD ME WHY DIDN'T I DO THAT WHILE BEING TOGETHER I SAID I DON'T KNOW WHAT DO I DO NOW I'M TRYING?


4tsom10 profile image

4tsom10 5 years ago from Texas Author

BLOVE,

Every woman loves flowers so even though she said she wasn't happy...she probably was! Let her know how much she means to you and that since she's been gone, you realize how much you want and need her in your life. Tell her you're so sorry for not appreciating her more, let her know that you have deleted all the girls phone numbers as well as Facebook because she's that important to you. She is very confused and she has a very good reason to be. She distrusts you because of what you did. I don't know how long it will take for her to feel like she can trust you again...everybody's different. I think that if she really wanted you out of her life...she wouldn't continue speaking with you. Let me know how everything goes...good luck to you!


blove 5 years ago

Good morning 4tsom410 well i haven't heard fron her in 3 days what should i be thinking also i've also told her that i've deleted and removed facebook and all phone numbers i even told her that i would change my number my question is just because i don't hear from her does she still love me or does it just go away.. thanks


blove 5 years ago

WELL I GOT A TEXT LAST NIGHT I DECIDED TO CALL HER SHE WANTED HER BELONGING BACK SO I GUESS SHE MAYDE UP HER MIND? I TOLD HER THAT I WOULD MAIL IT TO HER SHE SAID NO SHE SAID LEAVE IT IN THE GARAGE I SAID NOT A GOOD IDEA SO SHE DECIDE TO SWEND A FRIEND I HAVE SAID SORRY MANY TIMES BUT I GUESS ITS NOT ENOUGH I THINK ITS BEST IF I DON'T SEE HER.. WHAT DO YOU THINK?


SMS hater 5 years ago

I am divorced (4 yrs) and dating a divorced woman (3 yrs) for the past year and a half. I started to sense something changing between us over the last few months a bit of distance from her to be more specific. I started to become more suspicious and since she was on my phone plan I noticed lengthy over (2 hour) conversations with her sons b-ball coach. When I confronted her I was told not to worry and they were just friends. This kind of put my thoughts at ease but I still continued to be suspicious. What was she talking to this man about for such long conversations and the questions started popping up in my head. Needless to say I continued to monitor the phone bill quietly.

I then started to see an increasing number of text to an ex boyfriend from high school. They started off just a few a day and then jumped to 50 - 100 per day over a few weeks. I confronted her and told her that this bothered me. I told her that I would never tell her who she could and could not talk to but WTF? She stated that they were close in HS and have just been catching up. I was told not to be jealous and possessive and that she only wants me and thats it. Not to worry.

The texting did slow a bit and she did say she had spoke to her friend (who is married) and they agreed to chill-out. We went camping for the weekend and in the am she had her phone out texting away. She said she was putting stuff in to her calendar but every time I got up she would hid her phone against herself so I couldn't see. She did this in a discreet sort of way, not like a child hiding something but definitely noticeable to me. She got up to get something and left her phone in the chair. Ring..... there is this guy texting her back. This pissed me off and I avoided her for a bit. She knew there was something wrong and I told her that we cant even have a trip away without this going on. I said I would love to just get rid of the stupid phone and wish we never had them.

At this point I have let her know on several occasions that this was bothering me and yet she still continued to do it. Hiding it from me and hiding her phone at night. Deleting the text messages from him so I couldn't see them and pretending that I was the one with the issues.

It finally came to a head today when I looked at her phone. Yes I looked at her phone because last night she was texting him again and I wanted to see if she had deleted the text messages. We got this app called whatsapp that doesn't register as SMS so you can text all day and it wont cost you a dime. It also wont show you who is texting who and how much. After seeing that the text was deleted I looked through the setting to see if there was a way to recover deleted texts. There wasn't but there is a setting that gives you the option to save pictures to the camera roll. It was on. So...... I went to the camera roll. There are all the 1/2 naked pics she sent me yesterday but golly wiz there are a lot of pics sent that I never got. Pictures that I would only want myself to be getting. Well, Who do you think got them??

This is very upsetting. I think the worst part is she wont admit to it. She said she had sent pics but not naughty ones. I don't believe her.

I guess my choices are to stay or go.

P.S. she as two small children who myself and my small child have become close to as well. I hate to rip this apart but she might be doing that for me.

Thoughts??


4tsom10 profile image

4tsom10 5 years ago from Texas Author

SMS...

Boy...do I have a lot of Thoughts...First one is...Kick her to the curb as fast as you can because she deserves that. YOU are not ripping anything apart...she did it all by herself. Don't worry about the kids...they will adjust. You need to take care of yourself and get out of that situation. You gave her several chances to change her ways. You told her several times that her texting to other men was bothering you and that should have been the end of her texting...if she truly cared about your feelings, she simply would have stopped.

You have every right to look at her phone if you suspect something. Everybody should follow their gut feeling and not worry if they are violating someone's privacy. A relationship can only survive if there is a trust between a couple and once that is gone or damaged, it's never really the same. You will always wonder what she is doing every time she is on the phone.

There is no reason for your girlfriend to be talking to someone of the opposite sex for two hours...those should have been two hours and more of her talking to you. Those 50-100 texts per day should have been texts to you. All the pictures she took should have been sent to you! You have every reason to be upset but at least now you know what she has been doing and I commend you for continuing to follow up on your suspicions. Now...take her off your phone plan and move forward to a better life for yourself and your child. I'm sorry that this happened to you but it will get better.


4tsom10 profile image

4tsom10 5 years ago from Texas Author

Blove,

You are just going to have to play the waiting game with your ex. What you did was horribly wrong and thankfully you recognize that and hopefully won't do it again. Your ex is going thru a rough time and she may or may not take you back...but you can't expect things to be ok just because you said you were sorry several times. If you want her, give her some space but let her know you will wait.


SMS hater 5 years ago

4tsom10,

Thank you for your thoughts. It has helped me to read everyones scenarios on this subject and to see how they handled the situation. It is most helpful because it has made me realize that it's not just me being silly or insecure. There are certainly some people who feel this behavior is ok and there are others who obviously don't. I think that with today's instant gratification hungry world the lines between right and wrong can become easily skewed.

I have explained to my girlfriend what exactly it is I don't like about this whole situation. She has promised to change her behavior and no longer text or communicate in this way. She requested that I remove the text app from her phone and has promised me she will no longer text her friend. She has forwarded an email to her friend with his response to me. The email stated that her actions were hurting her relationship with me and she was gong to stop communication with him other that the occasional email. She has explained the pictures to me and adamantly insists that no naughty pics were sent. She admitted fault and also that her flirting was crossing the line. I feel she has heard me and understands fully how I feel. I am going to give her the benefit of the doubt and try this again. There is so much I love about this woman and she has been so wonderful in every other way. I'm not trying to make excuses for this texting behavior but I have made my point and with no exceptions will I tolerate it in the future. I feel she knows this and if she want's me she will stick to my request. I hope it works out.

Thanks again for all your advice. I know you have spent a lot of time helping several people and I know they appreciated it like me.


Sara 5 years ago

My husband of only Five months will

Not stop talking and txting to his ex from 18 years ago

For ten years they did not speak then she tracked him down

This was before we met

I asked him to stop the txt and the calls and he said she keeps calling him

I asked him to tell hee to stop calling but she said or was

Me that was inmature and I need to grow up

She keeps contacting his parents also to keep on with them sending his father jokes via email

He told me so Many times he jas

Not spoken to her lied to my face

And said do my eyes look like I am lying and he was

Time after time

He even had her

Name in his phone under a guys name!

Even when I caught him out he still tried to deny it until I said let's call the

Number

Tells menthe does not tell means he does not want to Hurt me

Her and his mother who I dislike and vice versa got her to call on our wedding day to try and stop him from getting married

The mother on law is as evil and vindictive as she could possibly be

I asked him to get stuck into the ex be stern and tell her not to call

But he tells

Me they are just friends he married me and he wanted her on his life to txt and talk to and he also did not want to upset her as she is such a lovely person and he even asked me to meet her

A month ago we were overseas on holiday and he came back early to go to his parents 50tj anniversary , it was our honeymoon as we had

Not had one three

Months earlier when we got married

I was not happy he went and left me

Then I found out she went to the party he sar with her and his family on the same table danced with her but said his 12 year old

Niece

Was dancing to so it was not just with her

Drank with her talked to her and If that's not bad enough the parents asked her to stay at the house where he was stayin

So they all came home together on the one car the whole family and she stayed the

Night under the same roof

He Said she slept on the bedroom with his

Niece

Before he even went I said after The

Mothers behaviour and carry on on our wedding day I bet she does

Something like invite her

He said she is

Not going she lives

On another state I said if I find out you stayed I'd she goes that will

Be it

I found out almost two weeks after

I feel Hurt betrayed and so humiliated he has

No respect for me at all

To be there with her but after all the calls he told her not to call and there he is with her

He insists he loves me

Has not said

Anything to

His parents about inviting her as he does not want to upset them !!

She must be laughing so much at me

He says he does not see her anymore than a friend though he has had to tell her that and his nasty mother

She wants my husband

When she found our we got married I hears on the phone as she had called saying

I can't beleive you married her

I am at the stage wherw I want to end it even though I love

Him

I feel my life has to have her in it I feel like she will always

Call or txt whenever she feels like it

He has told so Many lies to do with her

I am still away

I don't

Know what to do he says he loves me and misses me I said did you miss me when you were with her knowing how I would feel and I even spoke to you about it

All o get everytime is sorry over

And over then it's forget it and let's

Move on

This time o don't think I can

He has to chose his wife or his ex but he says then still talks to

Her

I do love him but enough is enough

Please give me some advise???


4tsom10 profile image

4tsom10 5 years ago from Texas Author

SMS,

I truly wish you the best. I'm glad you confronted her about it again and told her to stop and set boundaries. I hope the conversation made her realize how this was affecting you and your lives together. Good luck to you and your family. Keep us updated!


Pete651 5 years ago

Man what a barstard your husband is

No respect for you at all

You must know the answer and what to do

GET RID OF HIM NOW!

RUN DON'T LOOK BACK!

This guy is a real arse hole

How can he say he loves you and even slightly mean it

He obviously thinks more of his ex than you to keep lying to you

If he had no feelings for her other than a friend why did he risk his marriage by lyin and then being with her and staying with her?

Man this guy has real serious infidelity issues

What's wrong with his parents to do something like that sounds to me girl the whole family have some sort of issue

End it, end it now

This guy will continue to lie he will not stop his relationship with his ex

That's why he lies to you

Let him be with her he obviously wants to be with her otherwise he would not risk his new wife of only months!

This guy is a wanker with a capital C

Run girl run!


BLOVE 5 years ago

WELL SHE CONTACTED ME AFTER AFTER 4 WEEKS WONDERING IF I'M STILL PAYING FOR THE GYM MEMBERSHIP I'VA ALREADY EXPALINED TO HER WHILE WE BROKE UP THAT I COULDN'T CANCEL IT SHE SAID THAT SHE WOPULD GO AND TRY I WENT TO THE GYM TO FOLLOW UP ON IT AND SHE NEVERED WHEN WHY WOULD SHE SAY THAT AND NEVER GO?


diannemark@yahoo.com 5 years ago

I am beside myself my boyfriend is texting other girls

And he gets real pissed if I say anything... God forbids me to go near his phone..wow does he go off.. I have gottong e mails .. Telling me he has cheated ... With 20 year old ..he is 46

Then he got texted by someone telling him pretty much telling him he was a lie cheating pig. This went on for 4 days .. Again this person had a lot of info .

And talk about how upset there were he had been sleeping with them and me

. Telling them he loved them and me...again he says its all made up and bs... They said they were going to send pics and he was still talking to a new girl and check his phone .. There would be a nub in his phone with no name.. I should call it.. I have never look at his phone other then an old phone with him sitting there... I'm feeling like something went on and the fact that he lied about this I feel the need to set his ass up... Then there us a part of me that would just die.. Knowing for sure please feed back

talk about a kick in the tummy... I still fell so sick when I think about it.. He tells me no never happen..i don't trust him. He dint care if I text other people bla bla.

So things chilled out and we were getting back to us... When I got an e mail telling me he was out on a date and he was a lier and a cheat and a cheat .. And that the wed. Before he was with someone in a red car.. ..this wed.. He said he was going to the mall..att... He lied... With in a week if that he was getting text some god nows who... We don't no the nubeer


BLOVE 5 years ago

WELL I SEEN HER FOR THE FIRST TIME IN 5 WEEKS SHE CAME AND DROP OF THE MEMBER SHIP CARD TO CANCEL IT SHE TO TOLD ME STILL MAD BUT THAT IT WE TALK A LITTLE BUT NOT TO MUCH I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT DO THINK I TOLD HER NOT TO HATE FOR WHAT I'VE DONE WE ARE ALL HUMAN AND MAKE MISTAKES I ALSO TOLD HER THAT I'M A GREAT GUY BESIDES WHAT I'VE DONE SHE TOLD ME THAT SHE DOESN'T JKNOW ALONG SHE WILL BE MAD AT ME?


4tsom10 profile image

4tsom10 5 years ago from Texas Author

BLOVE,

The fact that you both are talking is a good step in the right direction. If she didn't want to talk with you she wouldn't and the fact that you saw each other is a sign that she still have feelings for you. She could have mailed the membership card to you or dropped it off when you were not home, but she wanted to see you. These are baby steps and it will take time for her to stop being mad at you. Be patient.


Sara  5 years ago

Dianne mark

Your husband sounds like a lying cheat

He has no respect for you at all as you are putting up with his crap

You need to find outfield sure if he is cheating on you

If he is get rid of hom as you are only pre longing the enevital

Do what you have to to find the truth

Take care

Wish you luck

Sara


blove 5 years ago

Well we spoke togther this pasr thursday I asked her to have dinner she why i told her to talk about things she said there no theres nothing to talk about he also said that i was the worst boyfriend even and she was a tag along but in my heart i've treated her with spas dinners and she thinks she was a tag along but she wasn't i told her i do love her my question is do i just let go and move on?


Joe 5 years ago

That is cheating! i fully agree.


blove 5 years ago

good morning are last conversation is the gym membership i told her i would take care of it andnot to worry like i did she texted me asking if i've camvel it i haven't replied the about 4 hour later she texted me?????? i still haven't replied the reason is that everytime i texted her or call her my heart fall in a bad situation i don't know what to do?


BLOVE  5 years ago

WEll the gym membership is payed for last night i have received a call from her friend she told me leanne was to upset to call me because of her horse being hill so her friend asked me about the membership i told her it was payed off now' Ive texted leanne to tell her i hope your horse gets better. Man the relationship is killing me i just wonder what's next?


Justsolost 5 years ago

Wow... So here I am. I have been married to my wife for 9 years and together for 10. We have been really good lately. Been very close. talk all the time. Things have been great. A few year ago I got the feeling something was up. She was texting alot. So I came home from work late, she was sleeping and I looked at her phone. Found texts from her coworker about how much he lovers her. She replied with "what do you want me to say"? and it went on for about a week. I confronted her about it and she said he was just a friend and was going though a tough time in his marriage. She felt bad about is and it stopped. It took me about two years to fully get over it and things have been great. I lost about 30lbs in about 2 months after I found out. That feeling was the worst felling of my life. I was so happy it was gone.

My wife has a group of married girls that take a girls weekend once a year. I have been totally fine with it. I never felt a reason where I didn't trust her. It felt great. Well about two weeks ago it was their last night of their trip. I never got a call that night. I was upset but not so concerned. I text ed her in the morning and she said they got back to the hotel late and she didn't want to wake me. Ok, Fine. So the whole way back I got a few texts from her. nothing weired. She got home and gave me a big hug and was happy to see me. Well the next few days her phone was in her bag and on silent. Just seemed odd. I started to get that feeling again... one that I haven't felt in a while. A few flags went up. So I said F it... Im gonna take a look at the bill online just to prove that nothing is going on. I haven't looked at the phone bill in years so it did feel wrong but I just felt I had to. Well I found something I really hoped I wouldn't see. This number with a out of state area code was all over the place. It started on the last night she was there at 2:30 in the morning to about 4:30 in the morning. Then again at 8;30 the next morning all the way to 5:30pm just before she got home. Must have been 100 texts. My heart dropped out of my chest. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. So for the next few days I acted my best to act like everything was fine... Very hard to do :( I had to look at her phone. All the texts were deleted. She was texting him for the next few days off and on. So a few days later I sent her a text stating that I knew something was up and I checked the bill and saw everything. Told her that I was crushed. She called me a few min after and I told her I really didn't feel like talking but we started to talk. She was mad that I checked the phone bill and got upset. I was pissed and we talked for about 30 mins with her swearing nothing happened, That all the girls meet the band at the bar and just where talking and became good friends. Nothing more. That the texts on the way back where all of them just talking about their day jobs and stuff. Saying that she would never do anything to jeopardize our family. We have a 5 yr daughter that means the world to me. She even started crying and got all upset saying she was gonna tell me about it but new I would get upset and thought I was better to just not say anything. I believed her and she was texting me all day saying I mean the world to her. Everything felt better. I felt bad about snooping like that and said whatever. The band lives 1000's of miles away from us so I gave her her space and said if she want's she can keep in touch with them... whatever. She was happy that I was being cool about it and I didn't feel like I was being controlling. I figured what's the harm in that and we left it at that. But I told hear the biggest problem was that she was hiding it all from me and I put her in my shoes and she felt bad... I could just really tell.

But deep down I really don't believe that you can just meet someone and just start to text like that. It's really killing me that I my never know the truth about what happened that night. Maybe I am over reacting to the whole thing??? I DO know that If I find out something DID happen that night I am ready to leave her. Its been a week and a half and I can't help but to look online at the bill. They still talk a few times a day by text and she hasn't said anything about it. And now I'm starting to get upset and pissed again. I really want to check her phone just to see if shes deleting them again. Or just leaving them on cuz it really is nothing. I just feel bad to snoop but feel I have a right to look. And if she's deleting them then what?? I can't tell her I checked her phone and say why are you deleting them again. I don't know what to do. But I am really hurting again. I haven't been eating, been so down. All I want to do is sleep so I don't have to think about it. It just sucks cuz I love her so much but at the same time I would have to leave her and not look back. But I just don't know how I can find the truth so I can make the right decision. A part of me believes her but the other part feels like something is wrong. She knows how much I lover her too. It's not like I take her for granted ether. I just want to know if shes telling me the truth.

I was thinking of putting a spy app on here phone but I just don't know. I am ready to hear or see the truth but what if their really is just nothing going on and I bring it up without any pure evidence and I'm assuming things? Then it would be my fault and things would never be the same. uhhhh.... and we have date night tonight and next week we are talking a vacation. How can I not freak out every time I hear her phone go off just thinking It's him? How can I be myself tonight at dinner and a movie? It just really bothers me that she is still talking to him even though it's kinda my fault cuz I said she could keep in touch with him/them. And now she knows I have checked the bill. So you would think she would stop just to make me happy (if she cares about my feelings) But I'm not ok with them talking every other day. Once a month to say hi is fine but not as much as they have been. I know he's single, I know his name and his number. But what good does that do for me? I just don't know how to bring it back up and lay down the rules without looking like a jerk. I'm a good looking guy. She's kinnda hot and I expect guys to hit on her but just thought she was stronger then that to not give out her number to some random guy, and she has never done it before. And It's so hard to just make a decision to walk away with kids. I don't even know what to do about that. Would we have to sleep in a diffident room and act like everything is ok in front of my daughter. How do you come home and live in the same house with a cheating spouse...(if she is)??? And to break up the family?? Just the thought of that tears me apart. I kinda just want to start going out and meeting girls and make her feel the way I do, but can't right now. But If I have to file the papers then I would. I would have to walk away from the house and rent I guess. Damn... a month ago I never would have thought I would be thinking like this.

Sorry for going on and on, I just have no one to talk to about any of this. I'm just so lost right now and wish things where the way they were two weeks ago :(


bobinse 5 years ago

I've been married 15 years and with my wife for 17. I thought everything was fine. I noticed she started texting an old friend alot and talking to him on fb. I was ok with it because I had no reason to mistrust her. Then I looked at our phone bill, she talked to him almost everyday. My world as I knew it came crumbling down. She had developed an emotional attachment to him.

I asked her to end it so we could work on our relationship, She did but was angry at me over it. She started texting another old boyfriend and assured me they were "just friends". I chose to believe her as we were going to marriage counseling. Within a couple months she confessed she had "feelings" for him. Once it was in the open he rejected her. She started texting another old boyfriend (yes 3rd one). I worked thru the sadness of losing all those years of good memories and the things that would only have meaning to us (family). I finally decided to let her go and told her. She made a 180 and said she wanted to work on us.

Now two months later things seem good, but she is still texting (3rd) guy. Maybe writing this out I can look at it objectively. I know what my head is telling me, but the heart aches.

How can spouses live these text fantasies and not understand how harmful it is. I respect and treat my wife good. I hope she can see before its too late for us.


hurt and betrayed 5 years ago

I can relate to so many of your stories. My ex who I was engaged to was cheating on me with a married co-worker. I knew he was but I needed the hard evidence. Finally, I was able to get a hold of his cell phone and I got access to his cell phone bill. There were hundreds of texts back and forth to the same number. When I called the number I knew exactly who it was. She actually had the audacity to tell me that they are just friends. Yeah okay... 200 text messages back and forth in one day when you are working in the same office. I truly think if you have the evidence in front of you then that should be enough. Prior to getting a hold of his cell phone records I had several things that didn't add up, but I knew that I needed proof so I didn't look like the crazy bitch. He would constantly have his cell phone on him. It was never out of his sight, even when he was sleeping he would turn it off and have it right on the night stand next to him, so I was never able to check it.

I finally got smart and threw his ass out!! He would never admit to anything and I was left with canceling all of our wedding plans. Hell I still have my wedding dress hanging in my spare bedroom classroom, but I knew I was happier to find out then instead of after we were married.

I now find myself with another issue in my current relationship...........

I now have been in another relationship now for almost 3 years and this relationship has definitely had its ups and downs. I have trust issues due to my last relationship and that has caused many problems for my current relationship.

Just a few weeks ago I happened to see his phone and there was a text message from a number with no name attached to it. The area code was not from around where we live, but where his parents and grandparents live. The text said something like "just going to a few picnics... when are you coming back? " I thought maybe it was a cousin or something because he had just been away a few weekends back visiting his grandparents and he got in contact with some of his cousins again.

Well, I put that in the back of my mind and moved on. The following weekend we were actually out visiting his grandparents together and as he went to take a shower I felt the need to look at his phone. There were two texts from that same number again. One from 6 days prior and one from the night before. I knew by the text that is was another girl. The texts weren't bad, but why no name with the number. Huge red flag. I have gotten smart since my previous relationship and decided to write the number down. Once we got home I blocked my number and called the number. I got the voicemail and sure enough it was another woman. I never heard her name before. I felt sick to my stomach.

I didn't and still don't know what to do. I know if I tell him I looked at his phone he will flip out!!! Just last night I checked it again in the middle of the night and there was another text from her saying "Sorry she was at her girlfriends house. Are you asleep?" My heart sank again. I know he erases his messages frequently and I can honestly say I have always felt I could trust him even though I have my own insecurities. I am at a loss. Who is this woman? Why is he texting her? I am so tired of being hurt by people that claim to love me.

Where do I go from here? I know I shouldn't be checking his phone, but how else do you get the truth? I know if I confront him he will flip out and I will never actually get to the bottom of the texting with this woman. I know I am not okay with the fact that he is texting another woman. I feel so hurt and betrayed because he is acting completely normal to me. I am open for any advice.


Hurt in LA 5 years ago

I am so glad I found this site. I too have been hurt by text messages. In February I found out that my husband of 10 years had been texting his ex girlfriend, on and off for the past 3 years. When I found the number and confronted him, he did admit to it. After much conversation, anger, yelling, throwing him out of the house, he managed to get in that she contacted him in 2007 and she would not say how she got his number. He said they just talked about how each of them were. In 2008 I finally got pregnant after trying for 8 years, he said they only text each other to say hi and to see how the other was doing. All along I never knew. At the end of 2009 is when the daily and night texting began. It wasn't every day but it would be days or weekes at a time then they wouldn't talk for months. He did admit that she would ocassionally bring up their "sex" past and he said there were times he would change the subject and times he would respond as "yes I remember when...". I trusted my husband so much and was so hurt that he would allow another woman to talk to him that way. He does say that he mentioned to her numerous times how much he loved his family and his wife. She would ask him out for drinks and he would tell her that meeting up with her would never happen because he loved his famiy and would not lose us. I now ask why he continued texting her and he said "he made the biggest mistake ever". Through his suggestion, we attended a marriage encounter. I have chosen to forgive him because I know the sincerity of his apologies and i feel in my heart that he truly wont ever do this again. WHY DO I FEEL THIS WAY. He has committed himself to God first. We pray morning and night together and through our encounter we have learned to communicate more openly. I don't make excuses for his actions nor does he. He does not play the victim, he helps me through my bursts of anger, hurt and frustrations or holds me when I just want to cry. If you really love each other, you can save your marriage, but if your spouse thinks its "ok" - then they don't know the meaning of "cheating". It's not ok to lie or hide things from each other. The "cheating" partner needs to understand there is no time frame to get over such betrayal, it takes time to heal but they should be part of the healing process. GOOD LUCK


SMS hater 5 years ago

Justsolost,

I feel your pain and know you are not the only one in this situation. The best advice I have gotten and can give it to TRUST YOUR INSTINCT. If you are in a relationship with someone and you have an "feeling" that something has shifted then it is your responsibility to stand up for yourself and find out the truth. Stop making excuses and don't worry about what the other person is going to say if they find out that you have looked at a bill or phone for more information. Remember that there is a big difference between being suspicious and being jealous. The other person will always twist it and downplay it and make you feel like you are the one with the issue. The reality is that if you were the one with the issue it would have cropped up long ago in the relationship and something would have been done about it then. Nope you have no issue, the only issue is… someone is not being honest and you know already what is going on. If she says "how can you look at my phone, don't you trust me" you simply say NO and this is why... list the reasons and then tell her to put herself in your shoes. If the text are getting deleted there is a reason for that, especially after she knows your concern. She is disrespecting you. Period! Put it back on her and ask her what it is in the relationship she needs that you are not giving her and try to get her to tell you the truth. If you can, there is a good chance you can salvage this thing and grow from it. If she is just not willing to tell the truth it is your job to find it and use whatever means to do that. Do not feel guilty and know that there are reasons you feel the way you do. Those reasons are because of the red flags you see and those red flags are real.

You can read my situation above. I ended up finding an email on her FB page to this guy and everything I suspected and felt was true, all of it. She finally admitted to it. It is devastating but remember that you need to take care of you before anyone else.


Zenme1 5 years ago

I have been married for a year. I am in love with my husband. But I have been kind of lonely over the past couple of months. My husband hates my ex, but we have two kids together. So obviously I have to talk to him. I don't love him anymore, but sometimes I miss him, just the way we were. But I would never go back to him. So I txted him a few times just remembering the good times. I said I missed him sometimes and asked if he did too. He got mad at me and told my husband I have Been texting him behind his back saying I still love him, and my husband believe s everything he said, and he is so hurt. I thought it was innocent. I was just trying to build a civil communication between us for the kids sake. I guess I should have never done this. My husband is so hurt and doesn't know if he will file for divorce. I'm completely terrified. I'm in love with my husband. Is there anyway to resolve an issue like this. I am bitter bc I loved him and he finally got his life on track. But I dont ever want him back.


kaylin 5 years ago

I was in a relationship with one of my friends whom i've known since i was a baby. everything was going well until my best friend who was staying withme at the time was texting someone 24/7 when she was in the bathroom she got a text from my boyfriend. It wound up being him she was texting and they were saying i love you and other romantic things to one another so i broke up with him the way he broke me over text i said "hi how are you, well it doesn't matter cause im braking up eith you so, k bye" I know its brutal, but i truly felt something different for him. So a 2 friendships and a love were ruined that day. To this day I haven't talked to my ex-best friend.


Justsolost 5 years ago

SMS Hater,

Thanks for your reply. You are the first person to talk to me about any of this. You are right. I sent her a email last week about how I have been feeling. She replied and said she never meant to hurt me and it was never anything going on. She went on to say she was sorry but we both never when into details about where she stands with him now. Things were good for a few days. I still can't stop checking the phone bill though. I know she has a secret email account. She went about 2 weeks without texing him but if you look at the bill it still shows internet usage on it and shows the times. It's in the same pattern as text's would be. So I know she is still in contact with him. On Sat I looked at her phone when she was in the shower and she had the email sign on open on a web page but it was singed out so I couldn't get into it. I also saw that yesterday he texed her and it went back and forth for an hour and a half. about 40 text's. Yesterday I was feeling crappy about all of this again and I started to type a letter telling her. I went into detail about how could she still lie and talk to him behind my back. I wrote that I will leave if she won't end it and put that I will work with her to fix it if that's what she wants to do. I was a long letter. And I was going to send it to her secret email that she doesn't know that I know about. I still am afraid to send it though. It's saved and ready to go. But I guess I'm waiting for the right moment to send it. I have never felt this hurt in all of my life. I still have a felling that I might be over reacting and if I am then it will be my fault if things don't work out. I'm really lost right now and wish I had someone to tell me what I really should do. But I did hear what you said and a big part of me is telling me you are right.


SMS Hater 5 years ago

Justsolost,

I know you feel like you are losing your mind and that maybe this is all in your head but even if that’s the case, she is the one who put the doubt in the relationship not you. It was because of her actions not yours.

I would send her the letter. I would avoid sending it to her secret email account because there is no need to give up any information that you may want to use to check up on the situation in the future. Then again, you might even send the letter to her regular account and then when you are talking to her face to face tell her you know about the secret email account and have her log into it right then. Then you can see if she will lie about it or log in to the account and let you read the emails.

I really found this website to be very helpful in seeing what was legitimately "normal" and what was truly inconsiderate. I felt so much better knowing that it was not me who was being a freak and it was my GF who was out of line. I even sent her a link to this website and said, "my alias is SMSHater and you should read what I wrote and see the response I got". I am the kind of person who has to put everything on the table. I need to be sure I don't suffer any longer than I have to from someone else's wrongdoing and manipulation; I have experienced that enough in this lifetime. No one likes to be played and this shit will continue to play over and over in your head and drive you nuts. You will always look at the phone bill every chance you get. You will always feel like shit when she picks up the phone to text someone and it sucks.

I wish I had a solid answer. I know there is a lot at stake. In my opinion, I think what you need to do is look at the big picture. What is missing to make her need to do this? Why is she truly doing this and what is she getting from it that makes jeopardizing the relationship worth it? Maybe she feels like it’s not a big deal and maybe she feels like she isn’t doing anything wrong. The bottom line is, that doesn’t matter because it is hurting you. It should stop for that reason alone.

With the ease of social media these days it's very easy to get mixed up in something that will snowball and get out of control very quickly. It can ruin so much. Look at all the celebrity and politicians that ruin their careers and destroy their families by doing this very thing. The bottom line is, it is wrong. It is cheating and you need to make sure she knows this. You need to figure out what the consequences will be if this continues. I’m sorry but sending 40 plus text to another person of the opposite sex is fucked up. It’s not cool and the fact that everything is kept a secret from you is proof that there is more to this than she is willing to own up to. It's time to stop making excuses put it on the table. Then you can both decide whether it’s worth fixing or not.

Good luck and I hope it all works out for you, keep us posted.


4tsom10 profile image

4tsom10 5 years ago from Texas Author

Justsolost,

Wow...you are in a bad place. I'm glad that you found this site and see that other people are going thru similar stuff. I'm so sorry that your wife is causing you so much pain. It's the worst feeling in the world to be with someone you trusted only to find out that they broke that trust. When you have a child, that only compounds everything. The "friendship" with her coworker was certainly not a good sign of her committment to you. I'm glad you looked at her phone and phone bills because you have every right to if you feel something has changed. Always go with that gut feeling because we are ruled by our hearts and emotions. Taking a trip "with the girls" or "with the guys" is something that should have stopped once married. There is no reason to go on a trip with others and only trouble can come from it. She said that she became good friends with the band member and they just text about jobs and stuff? There is absolutely NO REASON for her to be texting or speaking with this person and you shouldn't have told her that she could continue unless you were really fine with it...which you are not. Who would be fine with their spouse texting/talking with someone of the opposite sex? I can't tell you what to do, but I would confront her and calmly talk about things. Let her know what this has done to you and how this has caused distrust in her. Don't let her turn it around on you because none of this is your fault. She is in the wrong. She made a committment to you and your love which she has broken several times. Before you confront her, print out proof that you have, make copies of phone bills, gather emails if you can so you will have these for your records. Let her know what you expect and if she doesn't do it, then it's over. If she truly loves you and wants to stay in the relationship, she will do what is needed. If she doesn't, then at least you know where you stand and you are not her priority...which you should be. She has completely disrespected you to this point. When I first wrote this hub, I was in the worst place of my life. It's been over two years and it is still something I don't think I will ever get over. I'm still looking at phone bills and checking history on the computer. My husband and I have had numerous talks about why he thinks it happened, he has committed that it won't ever happen again and all I can do is hope that it doesn't. Right now, my gut is telling me that our marriage and family are important to him and he tells me how sorry he is for hurting me the way he did.

If you wife wants to be with you, she will do what you need her do, so send her the email and also talk to her and be completely honest and ask the same...you may not like what you hear, but you need to hear it. Good Luck to you and I will be sending happy thoughts to you!


militarywife 5 years ago

my husband does it all the time and it hurts me so much because hes been caught and confronted and im 9 months pregnant that i just gave up giving a dam and try to ignore it. no i pose as a different woman to see what he says to them.


bellz 5 years ago

I am in a long term relationship and i have been sexting somone else. The thing is i know im not doing anything wrong because i got the okay from my boyfriend first and he knows about it. As long as i dont hide it or lie to him and it makes me happy its fine. (i wouldnt want him to, and he knows) Since im not lying or hidding anything i know im not cheating. BUT the guy im talking to is also in a relationship. I have told him before that my boyfriend is not being lied to and i worry about him getting caught and losing her. I dont want him to be in pain because of me. I told him i would never be mad at him and we could go back to friends so this wont happen. But after so many talks about it, it wont change his mind. I dont know if just thinks he wont get caught, doesnt care of would rather take that risk because he doesnt want to lose me. We have been friends for a few years, it just started as more just 3 weeks ago. I cant just ignore him when he calls or texts me. If i was lying to my boyfriend then i would stop, but its hard for me to say no im not talking to you anymore because your not telling your girlfriend. Its not my place to tell him or know what brought this on. All i can do and did actually today and last night was tell him how i felt about it all and worrys i have. What he chooses to do is up to him. So what do i do? Just not worry about it, because its not my relationship and what he chooses to do in his relationship is his bussiness. We will see how it goes. any thoughts on that?


Wow 5 years ago

bellz,

You are clearly messed up. You should probably do them both a favor by first dumping your boyfriend. Then, deleting your "friends" number and never talking to him again. After you do that, you can spend all that extra time you'll have to try and figure out why you are so selfish.

Good luck!


jimbo 5 years ago

I’m telling you right now no matter how much your partner says it’s okay its not! it's that simple. You are making a big mistake if you really want your relationship to go somewhere. She/he will be very resentful and may start their own little chats or may justify flirting with people one on one. It’s opening the door for a disaster. My wife did this to me and I feel like she lied and cheated and if you talked about sex in my mind it's just like having sex. I have two boys that I love and now I’m struggling just trying to trust her. She has created a wall between us now and I’m so so so so mad about that. I used to trust her so much I bragged to people about it. I’m not saying I’m a saint and it is possible I was even part to blame. However she acts very fulfilled in our relationship. I always tell her how I feel about her and Im always treating her like the love of my life. Every night I make her lunch for work and I go out of my way to make it real personal. I make sure I cut her sandwiches in small bites because she is self conches about eating in front of people. I give her many different options so she can snack.. Anyway the lunch is the tip of the ice burg. I spray our bed sheets with cologne when I’m trying to get romantic. I’ve purchased her many nice outfits and anything she wants really. She works full time she has her own money. I take care of the family cars insurance bills she does help a lot but it was like a team effort.. If she needs to talk to someone else then something is wrong. she should tell me and maybe we can work on it. I can tell you this I will never trust her again and now I have to make a decision on weather or not I can live this way for the rest of my life. I think once a person does it once they are tanted in my book. This new way of communicating is bad. They think because its typing its okay. Would it be okay if they were talking this way on the phone to each other… Whats the difference…


bellz 5 years ago

your not getting it... my boyfriend gets off on me having this texting realtionship wity our friend. it turns him onl and our friend in knows my boyfriend knows. its harmles 4play with friends just his GF is not in the loop, makes it ward, and this was my boyfriends idea not mine so why would i dump him;;;;


mamaof3nj 5 years ago

Its nice to see I'm not the only one who has been through hell and back and acted "crazy" but its the ones who cheat who are crazy. I left my home town and 800 miles later to be with my now boyfriend of only 3yrs. I was married and with my ex 8yrs. Things went sour. My ex never cheated. I just know. But things went bad...however its the "new" relationship that has me up and down and confused. I have a little boy 16 months with my boyfriend and two with my ex. My boyfriend always told me how I was different then the jersey girls and was a "good girl" I've been so in love and honestly regardless I still am!!! I find him gorgeous. He always said he wanted a baby with me. He wanted a family. A life and I thought wow this is great. We have something in common. He stated he was with his ex and she cheated on him/sexual with multiple men. 2 of which were his friends (no longer) so he knew with me he was good and I felt safe with him bc he always talked about how cheating is so wrong! And how could a man or woman. Funny once I found out about texts emails and I'm that I said ya tell me how?! He looked at me like what that wasn't him. Although all the time I thought I was at work while my loving/supportive boyfriend was home and kept telling me he loves me and wanted to later try for a babygirl. I felt amazing on top of the world. Then... myspace/facebook/yahoo messenger. The first was to a female friend (of his) I like. He asked her to show him her undies and that he had knee surgery and needed cheered up. Thankfully she asked where I was and he said work and he said its just underwear and begged her. She declined (thank u) but not the "others" the hoes I say... one was a girl he liked. Messed with once she's in a messy marriage. He had told me about "her" but assumed it was only a friend. She asked him how I handle "pablo" a nickname for his .... ya! Nasty. He told her I was good however I talk to much and sometimes I mess that up. He told her he takes pills bc his back and "issues" otherwise (not my fault) but stated even with the pills at times I still mess it up and "some people just don't understand" I was pissed. He told her I was a good girl though nothing like his ex. Although that hurt I was mostly upset at the relationship he struck up with a south jersey woman in our town. So ya I could run into her?? She better hope I don't!! I have emailed her and even semi stalked her finding out emails and contact info. I've pretended to be my man. Etc!! Although today its a bit different. I'm not as "obssessed" (sp) it was bad! I felt I was going nuts. Unable to trust. He would chat w/her via facebook constantly. Talking about sexual stuff. That he was good with his hands lips tongue etc...she commented "your giving me a tooth ache" and I wanted to knock her teeth outta her head! He bitched I am not supportive of him being a independent film maker aka sitting on his ass at home pretending to be one. Although to this day I've tried listening to his feelings but it hurt bc I never felt I was critical and felt I gave him plenty of space. So I was really confused. She went off on me on his facebbok saying I wasn't a real woman and should be ashamed of me. I was in tears my body instantly numb and I'm carrying his son. He said he wasn't ashamed and loved me. He asked if he needed to block her. I said no but meant yes. Assuming he would know better. Later I wrote her and explained I am a real woman and how he really is and how if she felt she could be a better woman to have him. Then on vday which seemed to be our day 8 months prego. Guess they hadn't spoke in a few days...lol. so sad. Missing one another. Via facebook he said to her happy vday then something must have been deleted bc I didn't see how she got so mad unless bc a comment I left him. Idk!!! But he's my man. Anyway. She said listen you should get rid of your ignorant girlfriend today!!!! Ouch! I saw he said I wasn't going no where. Her and my man are both hispanic so some stuff was in spanish. I'm white! So I had to have someone translate. I asked if they did that to laugh in my face. He said he did not but I'm sure!!! He said he did it bc he was "angry" at me. I said I get angry with you but I don't cheat nor seek attention otherwise. For me it was confusing bc I thought I was doing everything right and always asked him to please tell me if he cheats or whatever. He said he would. I mean I felt I supported him and constantly doing sweet things. When he asked the one friend about her undies I hated it bc I was driving him back n forth and supporting him otherwise. Sexual with him. Dress up. Keep it interesting. It was like he needed attention but made no sense. He told "her" the facebook girl he wanted to meet for tea. But thankfully she said something about her husband having a firey temper. I think it could have been sexual. I was heart broken! More so when he asked "where were you 8yrs ago or at least a yr n a half" a yr in a half was when we first met. Its been a yr in a half I've struggled with this mess! That question to her was in spanish. Wow did it hurt. I said how could you. Sometimes I still bring it up. He says he thought we moved passed that. I've had to explain how hard it was and how he couldn't be honest and tell me things to change to make him happy. He claims their was nothing between them and no numbers exchanged. I believe the kept in contact a bit more but since got rid of his myspace/facebook and never saw weird numbers or things that indicated he was with her. Believe me I downloaded a program (webwatcher.com) great stuff!!! Found out emails/passwords. Keystrokes etc. You gotta pay for it but it was worth it. I no longer check that and he no longer has a phone. He has email and recently I saw in the history he changed a password and a few things I've wondered about. I'm still on his butt but try and not let it consume me. I've been working out and getting out. I've given him a little more space back but explained if ever it happened again w/o him being honest before things would not be good!! I know once right after this hussy on facebook a girl from work sent pics he deleted them from his phone so I wouldn't see but I checked online daily (at the time) a coworker///whore sent a pic of herself in a bikini and a smile face but didn't show her face. I went off on him and her!!! He swore I could ask an older man he was with that day that he didn't ask for it (sure) either way I called her ass from his cell at midnight and on my phone till I got her. I said I'm sure he asked you to send it and...she said "listen sweetie some of us have jobs and kids" and said some other cute slick shit. I said bi*** you work for the census I'm a manager of a group home. I will still have my job when yours ends and glad to see my tax money is going towards you being a whore and sending pics to my man. I told her I too have kids (3) she tried to be cute and giggle. She even said she didn't understand why I was mad bc it was a pic. She said I let my man look at girls. That she too checks out girls with him. I explained to her what she and her man do is on them and that we were not on the beach and any new contact with MY man would be highly bad for her. I watched his phone so close. That dummy never texted/emailed/called. Or maybe bc I may have gotten her fired seeing I contacted her BOSS with her nasty comments and her small boobie pics.lol. when it comes to my family I fight!! Maybe I am a crazy B but I don't care. But truth do it to me once shame on you. Twice hell to the no!!! Sometimes I feel he's doing stuff behind my back and I watch. I ask questions but I try to lay low. Relax! He's since said he's sorry he messed up. Never meant to hurt me. That he loves me. That I'm the love of his life. Although he will still stick by the notion he never crossed the line. Lol...what??? That's crossing many lines!!


mamaof3nj 5 years ago

I want to comment today. Again I'm not as bad/paranoid as I was;however the other day he stated he was talking to a female friend/actress. He's a independent film maker or aka sits at home doing what he wants/when he wants and feels I don't support him. Although anymore...not so much. Little has been proven to me. Anyway he's talking to her and I know this female. I really have no real issues with them;however I confronted him on why was the conversation there a few days ago NOW its been deleted? Now were talking about google chat which keeps conversations not only in the chat long on I'm but logs it like an email and in the chat section in gmail. I also know on goggle chat you can turn on and off conversations to be saved "chat off record" well today I looked at his phone. Guess he figured if I leave it she's less likely to accuss and look. Yeah right! Bc recently he changed some passwords. Thinking about getting that program again. So I saw the conversation was deleted in which he was basically telling her I'm "better" now and less up his butt. Allowing him to do whatever! That he hopes it "sticks" wtf? Seriously?? I've asked he not tell people our relationship stories but guess he can't help but tell her. She gives "great advice" speaking of which. He too gives great relationship advice to his friends.lol but has NO clue how to fix ours??? When I asked him about deleting the conversation he swore he had not! I said goggle keeps those records. Yes you did. He got really defensive even though my voice never increased nor appeared mad. He was way defensive. He again swore he did nothing. Did not delete anything. He also swore


mamaof3nj 5 years ago

To continue with the last (sorry) he swore she sent him an email forever ago that she chats off the record with everyone(??) But goggle keeps a record of that too. When you go on and off record and that is something you would do in your own settings. I asked what he's hiding. He got upset and said I could believe him or not. True. But I don't believe him. He says I don't know how the conversation was deleted (from 3 places) hm? A delete button. Now why would he lie to me not once but twice!!! When given the chance? Instead of talking to me he gets angry. Why?


unkown 5 years ago

I honestly think that a lot of good realationships are ending over something rather small. I think if you cant try to work through something as small as "sexting" then you are just using the reason to get out of a realationship that you didnt want to be in, in the first place. When you your husband looks at porn, is it cheating? When your husband looks at a girls ass, is it cheating? When your husband goes to strip club, is it cheating? Sometimes guys do this so they can feel actractive too. Sometimes guys just want to know they are still wanted. I can text the dirtiest stuff to another lady and it never turn into anything phsycal. For the question that I know will come, how would I feel if my wife did it to me? The same way I feel when she goes out drinking without me or if she was to ever want to go to a male strip club. I would trust that what she was doing is all mental and at the end of the night she will be with me. The act of "sexting" with a another is problem its the fact that people hide it from there partner. I was recently caught "sexting" and even through I know without a doubt I would have never done anything physical with the other lady. I feel horrible for hiding it from my wife who I love very much. So I think the problem is more with honesty and less with "sexting". I am sorry if I offend anyone with my post but all I am reading is a lot of close minded thoughts.


mamaof3nj 5 years ago

Assuming that's why you went as UNKNOWN vs a real name or chat name otherwise, I can imagine you didn't want to upset people.Thing is most these individuals are WOMEN who have posted. And when you put your heart & soul into a man, into a relationship to be betrayed, it hurts. I will agree that some of it isn't a "big deal" but when you are wanting to MEET Up, or when your reveling personal details, YES that's cheating in my opinion. I feel what my man did was emotional cheating, and yes some of it was the poor judgement on his part to TELL THE TRUTH, and allow me time to work through something. we never know if there is an "issue" if not told. I still think to this day he lies about certain things, which sort of sucks for the both of us. Before all this he had more freedoms, I never had an issue with him hanging with a female friend ( that I didn't know ) or anything of that. Your current, PORN, STRIP CLUBS, but I now my man isn't going home with a porn star he just watched, and most likely not a stripper. Because bottom line I think MOST men have SOME sort of morals, and let's get real does a WHORE make a good house wife?? not so much. Thing is too. I get why a man desires those girls, exactly why I "play" in the bedroom, but it's between him and I. I also focus on his needs as well,like asking baby what do you want, or sometimes just giving him what I feel he needs. Being extra naughty or whatever, but I was that way even before he betrayed me.

I have forgive my man to a certain degree but the anger I hold for the woman is MAJOR, she was personally attacking me and for being 38 she was highly immature.

So yes your kinda right, on for some of it it's TRUST and someone not telling you the truth. But is it more the truth MEN just don't know how to tell the truth? lol bc I asked him "hun you watched porn while I was gone" he said no, but I saw that he had. He lied about PORN, come on!!!

But I don't think Strip Clubs, and Porn compare to the hurt you feel when having a relationship with a co-worker, friend, etc. I think the comparison is a bit off, HOWEVER if you and your wife have that mutual agreement that relationship is okay for you. IT IS NOT FOR ME!!!!

b/c I had a woman go off on me b/c she sent MY man pics of herself in a bikini a couple photos and a little smiley face, and found out she was asking him personal questions.

I went the hell off on her, told her to NEVER contact my man AGAIN, I think she knew she was done for if she did. But she tried to say it was the same as being on a beach. I said BITCH were not on no beach, and YES my man looks, sometimes I too will comment but it's a bit different now, since what he did.

But let's be real. Being on the beach and having some whore send personal photos of herself, DIFFERENT & never happened again.


HD 5 years ago

After reading all these posts, i feel like everything and nothing is solved for me. My highschool boyfriend and now husband of 2 years began chatroulleting and met this woman online, and began a skype and text fest that lasted 3 months before i caught on. We had some difficult times but we were working on all the issues we had with each other and making a good dent on a lot of communication and trust issues. That was two months ago, now I find texts ranging through a thirty minute period on one day, her texting first, and through skiming them, i found him say something along the lines of "I want 100% of you." I dont knwo what to do, im so lost, I confronted him about it and he said he has been doing a lot of thinking the past week (ha) and thats not what he wants. I know he loves me, thats not the issue, But i dont knwo what to do. This is the second time, and this time im numb. Half of me wants to leave or have him leave the other half wants to just work it out and continue but the trust I was begining to have is now shattered again. I'm so lost... so lost.


mamaof3nj 5 years ago

to the last comment. Hey I feel ya. I'm sorry, and HUGS! it's hard to stay, and I'm the same way even though for me it's been 1 1/2 ago that it happened, it still hurts and that woman is still a major issue ( to me ) I feel my man has been on his "best behavior" since, but I still have my doubts.

Sometimes I feel he's better at hiding it, he's been so flirting & loving lately, but even that I wonder, hm...whats going on. Days it's like whats the point, why stay when it causes this much pain. Then other days it feels good, or okay or maybe I am so numb ( as you are ) to be able to say , ah I will stay.

I've even said to heck with it, see who you want, do what you want. He always says he doesn't want that.

Going through this is hard, but he did it twice?? IDK! maybe you should let him go. Sometimes that's the best then to beat yourself up.

He may love you, but in love??geeze he keeps hurting you. I've already said to him, if you do this again I"M GONE no games! I don't know if he believes me.

Again days I feel he's done it again. You never know. If I see proof. OUT!


liz 5 years ago

this has been a tough year my hushand of thirty yrars hired a single womrn and syarted texting her all through the night found out later they went through 4 phones which i caught and has even told each other they loved each other, this women is the devi and thivers on breaking up marriages. she has been in prision 3 years for fraud and thief anfd sll her 3 grown kids hate her, she has tried to set me up with tape recorder and motel recipts stare and laugh at me at work how do you deak=l with this i am hurt confused and very angry


Jess 5 years ago

The cheating is in the lies ... My partner works away. I am not happy with the place where he works because when we split for 2 months , he slept with woman (i dont know if it was one or more) in the same place. I realise he has to go where his job takes him and I am working on getting my head around where he is. It doesnt help my trust efforts when I get 2 text messages from him that were for someone else (not romantic other than xx on the end) and he says they were for me. They werent. The mind then asks the question, why is he lying? What is he doing ? Who with ? and how do I| cope the next time he goes there?


missJ 5 years ago

I'm having a major time the last few days. I feel worthless. Unworthy. All the above. All I think about is what if? What if he's doing it again but hiding it better? Although 2yrs ago he got rid of his fb & emailing her & I even have his computer bugged. So I can see what he's doing. I don't his phone. Although its been shut off due to non payment but he checks email etc at home via his phone & when he's at the gym. The phone bugs the hell outta me. Bc he takes it to the restroom or makes a point to claim he's listening to the radio. He takes it with him anytime he leaves. Unless his friends here then he knows I won't look. I said oh bc he's here you feel safe to leave it. Days I have good days & we haven't really faught in awhile but the thoughts are always there. The girl h had an emotional affair with still haunts me. I mean she caused so many issues. She never cared & had countless sexual conversations with my man & I died inside everyday bc here I thought he was happy with me. I got pregnant with his child something he had claimed he wanted. Even saying let's try for a baby girl. I'm not sure where his mind was bc months later when he was speaking to her it seemed everything changed. He didn't want a babygirl anymore & even being pregnant seemed to be an issue. He said we should have waited. I was hurt & so stressed. He said I was such a bitch while pregnant but I was under so much stress. My ex husband & child custody & trips back & forth regarding my kids & his emotional affair & money & etc etc. But I was a bitch? & he knew the hurt she was causing yet still said happy valentines to her. He must have missed her & then she went off on a screaming fit! Yelling & telling him how ignorant I am & to get rid of me. His response " she's not going anywhere" she later said sorry but gosh for bid she felt she upset him. He didn't defend me. He said "ah nothing to be sorry about. I understand and what you said was said well just surprised me a bit" she wanted him to leave me. He told her he was in half sick mood. He thinks I'm nuts bc I can replay this stuff back n forth in my mind and let negative things get to me. I can recall moments and conversations as if it just happened. I know he deeply cares for me bc he wanted me to stay he got rid of her! Facebook & other toxic stuff and counseling but even that at times doesn't feel enough. We do date nights etc but sometimes I think why is he being nice now? Negative thoughts just rush my mind. Its not fair to me nor him. Just a few seconds ago he caught me awake bc I've been sick today (maybe stress) he said hi hun. "You look beautiful in that light" (computer light) & set down beside me. He asked what's wrong. I was ify to tell him but did & when the problem comes up he always tries to listen. He wiped my tears away & said hun your good enough. I love you & that I'm awesome. I explained how much I hate the other woman & have so much anger (it scares me) and how I don't feel good enough... those feelings suck. Also I want to be his wife. I don't get why I'm good enough to have his son. Bc he was first to want a family. But to be his wife?! He said its a strong possibility but I feel he means it will never happen. He says he doesn't feel the same way about marriage anymore (married & she cheated) although he claims he didn't love her but yet lost his mind (drinking/suicide/etc)when he found out she slept w/other men? His story I asked her to marry me bc she was a different woman then although she said NO! But later they married-he claims for her son (previous marriage) they too have a son together (after the fact) he says was a "accident" swearing she put a hole in the condom&wearing a condom w/your wife? Yes bc she slept with everyone. To me its confusing/a mess. He said he was just young but yet he was 20 something & fast forward he has a good woman. He complained she was dirty/didn't clean/cook/etc. I do all that. She didn't show affection I overdo it (he says) but regardless if I'm "better" as he says why not marry me??? I'm confused. So it is easy for me to call bs on the relationship even if he's sweet to me. Also the sex... I'm the most active. He's always "tired" he has no job! When I was working two jobs & waking to take care of our son & take care of the house/cooking & yes he shares some responsibility. Id come home sleepy but still wanting sex. He claimed "I'm tired" yet put him in front of ufc or a movie he wants to see or his buddy who comes over for days! On end he will stay up talking to him for hours but when I mention sex even early he says oh I'm tired & I've called him out on this & he says not the case. I love him but my emotions are crazy & believing all he has to say is hard. Any advice? Please! I'm exhausted & feel suffocated.


solmendez 5 years ago

so i hear someone is blasting my name. that i cheated on her husband. please. first off if you knew how to take care of your man i wouldn't have done it in the first place.

i'm his muse.

i worried about him when you didn't. you use your pregnancy as an excuse?

i'm 39 and much more mature than you. you have 10 years less on me, and have plenty of time to take to grow up. i can please your man.

it was clear he didn't enjoy sex with you, but mostly would cringe when he would sit down and have conversations with you.

all you crying, sad women. i will tell you like i told her. grow up focus on yourself not what he's doing, be a woman. notice i said WOMAN!

if you have an issue with me. you can always find me on facebook.

because i'm brave enough for your rants.

yes i have a relationship and a kid and i don't act like this.

http://facebook.com/sol.c. ****

and funny how the author looks just like me.


mamaof3nj 5 years ago

You know I have to say something about women and men about their reasons for wanting to cheat. I'm sure my man decided to do it b/c deep down he wasn't for sure if this was everything he wanted. But I supported him. He's a small time film maker, and I noticed the conversations with her side anyway always stating how she had his best interest at heart, and he enjoyed this.

Thing is he's an INDEPENDENT FILM MAKER OR AKA NO MONEY INVOLVED, will there be? maybe one day. Thing is this woman does not live my life day to day, do I support him, heck yes, but do I support it everyday, everyday when I struggle and have a son that needs diapers?

When he has another son he needs to support, but often doesn't?

The fact he has NO JOB & I was working 2 jobs?

The fact when this was going on I was PREGNANT, and 8 months prego. When the both of them decided to strike up conversations?

Yes I may have been critical but any NORMAL everyday thinking human being would feel the same way, when you love this person so much and put so much into the relationship.

Was I critical? probably, but I'm human.

he wasn't always supportive but did I cheat? NO! heck no.

I got through it with him.

But it's funny b/c this idiot who's 10 years older than I cussed me out and called me out all over his faceboook, and calling me ignorant & telling me to focus on myself yet that's MY MAN.

I do focus on US, HIM, ME! so who the hell was she to tell ME what to do?

and to cuss me out. I knew something further was going on.

I'm a little peeved she got away with it and doesn't have to pay for destroying my life, my everyday security in myself and in my family.

I'm sick over it.

and will I trust my man again? I doubt it.

He doesn't know but I have access to his password to his e-mail & he said today he was going to meet Eric but he's really meeting Tim, NO he's not gay. But my point is why did he lie and say he's meeting this person yet he's meeting someone else.

Or is he really even doing that, or is this Tim hooking him up??

I can't believe anything he says anymore.

I'm sick over it.

But I'm really sick over her.

WHAT DO I DO!


bows 5 years ago

I found texts on my husbands phone from a female colleague but it was stored under a blokes name, these texts were about him having an affair with someone in our local area and she was helping him through it. It turned out he hadn't had the affair just said he had so he could relate to this female colleague as she was having an affair on her long term partner. Now firstly I cannot understand why he stored this womans name under a blokes name and secondly why he would lie about an affair. I felt warry about this woman but allowed mt husband to keep in contact with her, providing he was honest with me. 6 Months down the line he went on a work night out, when he got back he was distant with me, turned his back on me in bed and went straight to sleep. I knew instantly something was up so checked his phone. Sure enough there was a text from 'her' saying I had a great time cheers for the lift. He had deleted all messages he had sent to her! The next morning I asked him & he denied having her in his car but once I showed him the texts he admitted to it. He again said there was nothing in it but he thought I would be jealous & paranoid so he was trying to protect means stop me from feeling hurt. After a major argument we tried to patch things up. Now 3 months later he is texting her several tomes a day & last thing before he goes to sleep, they are only about general things but he is always doing it. She is going through a break up & other major shit in her life so apparently needs lots of support from my husband but I think he should be spending time with me & the kids. I told him he needs to put us first because these friendship feelings will develop into more. He started coming home from work late & going to the office at strange times. I have seen the messages & spoke to this other woman, tslling her to back off just a little, nothing has gone on between them but I feel there relationship inappropriate. He said he couldn't stay if I didn't trust him & my jealous actions are impacting on the kids & has spent the last few nights on friends sofa's & says he's not sure what he wants. He is still constantly texting & calling this woman & spending time with her in work but won't talk to me! Any advice on what I should do would be greatly appreciated cuz I feel like I'm going mad!!


confussed 4 years ago

i have been reading all these post. my issue is i have been married for 2.5 yares my husband just started working at the same company as myself. now before he started he use to tell me that he didnt believe in work relationships between men and women but now that he is here, he had a female trainer they began to text each other he was acting very strange so i wen into action to see what was up they communicated at work as well as on days off they would hook up to shoot pole with the other guys in the area not including myself. when i confronted the situation he lied to me about who she was i called her phone and she told me who she was but nothing was going on so whats up with the lies i am finding it hard to trust him is this really considered cheating because he thought i would be upset because of the male female relationship that he dislikes in the first place. is this ok for him to do it but not me????? they havent slept together but the texting was too much according to the phone records..


Sodifficult 4 years ago

I discovered that my husband of 20 years was sexting with a woman for 3 months and chatting on a very popular cell phone word game site and through e-mails. She sent him sexy clip art and he sent her weekly love notes and one nasty photo of himself. He claims that it's over and we both are working to mend our relationship. However, I don't trust him. Although I want to make our relationship work, I also don't want to be made a fool again. My concern is that he may still be texting. He is such a practiced liar and great with technology. There are no guarantees, but I wish there was a way for me to be sure that he has stopped texting and sexting. Obviously, I can check his phone, but he can also delete anything he wants. He can also do this through his work computer and I'll never know. He can create a million different e-mail accounts and I'll never discover them. So I feel frustrated and lost. Also, as much as I want this to work, even though it's been 4 months since I caught him, I'm still so angry at him and her. Similar to other people who have written about this type of betrayal, I feel like this woman got away without a problem. I've viewed the game site that they both used to play. This woman is still playing multiple games each day and probably doing the same nasty texting with someone else's man.


Maria 4 years ago

I caught my hubby texting another woman while he was away for flood duty, another military woman. No it is not okay & if your husband thinks its okay then you find yourself a texting pal & start sending him pictures of yourself all sexy like and see how he likes it. Men are so stupid. They are hyprocrites & think that sort of behavior is okay? Grow up. When you are a married person you should NOT be texting anyone from the opposite sex, end of story. That's what single people do.


Stu8 4 years ago

What if you did that with someone but told them you had someone and you love and that and you didn't mean anything of it? My girlfriend has lied about few things and so have i


brewskymd 4 years ago

I too am getting frustrated with my fiance sexting others and IM'g thru e-mail. He even gives his cellphone number out so that they can go from IM'ng to sexting. I had told him that I did not like this when he first moved in with me and my son, but he continues to do it. I'm very hurt and confused as he says he just gets bored, but I believe nothing good can come from sexting other women then eventually a hook up. HELP!!


me 4 years ago

im glad i am not the only one in this world who believes texting the opposite sex while in a commited relationship is cheating. my husband does it daily and every female turns out to be a "family friend" he lies about who he is texting. i text males but they are mutal friends and he knows them. the females he texts i dont know from a hole in the ground. he tells me he isnt going to stop ever knowing im hurt. but we all know if i was doing that he would flip a damn lid and get crazy.


Jess 4 years ago

Personally I swear all men are freaken liars. I was married and he was on adultfriendfinder.com says he was just seeing if his account was valid, lol. what?? um that's dumb and whats worse you believe I was dumb enough to be okay with that?? Divorced him. Then got w/ a man moved 800 miles, b/c I fell in love for the first time. Didn't think he was the "same" bc he wanted a child, and committed relationship--

he complained his wife cheated on him, boo boo--

now I see why.

he's lazy and an ass.

worse off, all the time he spent making me feel like he LOVED me he was texting w./ a woman from our town, she's 10 years older than I and she's not attractive, and that's not me mad--she really isn't attractive.

She has a long face, she kinda looks like a horse, and promise she's not as small as I. She too has a kid and in a relationship. But she was bitching about her relationship and how her husband couldn't get "it" up.

My man told her who he has issues too--- he didn't really complain about me in bed, but come on. Then they were talking about being intimate, I think for me, I was more upset they spoke in INTIMATE terms vs. just dirty sex.

weird?

and it felt there was an emotional relationship going on--it hurt. I was pregnant, and I felt something was up, but he swore nothing was. I went to counseling b/c he said it was all in my head--ouch! come to find out it was NOT!

She personally attacked me on FB it was so nasty! right in front of ALL our friends...

I was so embarrassed and hurt. Then he gets upset now b/c he says HE's guarded b/c what I put him through after all that???

Um... I went through a divorce, I have kids from that marriage, I moved 800 miles, I'm out here alone- I'm being attacked, your cheating on me, I'm pregnant... during that time it was so stressful- that's just the start of the issues.

He then never defended me, even said to her NO NEED TO FEEL that way, he was only surprised by how she said it- being that she was "christian" NO she's not--b/c a woman wouldn't do that to another.

but he said what she said--about ME, was "well said" are you serious?

this was all on v-day.

she called me ignorant and all sorts of names.

to this day if I see her... there will be issues.

I hate her, I hate what she did to me.

I'm not to happy with him. He's lazy... and he does that??

I should have left him but unlike my marriage I wanted to work this out--so I'm still here. But I wonder everyday if he really loves me, when he says he does.

I told him he cheats again he won't see his son and will NOT have a home.

I will play stupid once b/c I actually LOVE him but never again...

but I don't trust him, I don't know if I ever will again.

But he could have defended me.And it took me saying I will leave if he doesn't get rid of her and FB, he did-- but I don't trust him. NOT AT ALL...

men are snakes. they have something good in their face and they throw us away. then men wonder why we are the way we are--

look up the statistics, of MEN and CHEATING!! yes woman do it to-- but look it up. SICK ASSES


lonely in ohio 4 years ago

please bear with me as this is difficult. recently i suspected my wife, of 7 years to be texting an awful lot. i checked my bill summary and noticed this 1 number coming up alot. i waited till she was aslepp and found her phone. to my shock i had found 40-50 naked pictures of another guy, in various poses sent to her phone. she doesnt deny having them and claims its all in fun. she doesnt want to meet him and said she never sends pictures of herself. she found him on a singles site and just wanted to have fun with it. its been going on for 5 weeks now. in my book that is a relationship!! i am broken down inside and just ready to fall apart. i have gave this women my heart and soul. we have a daughter. i want everything to be back to normal but i feel as if she just wants to keep this texting thing going. i am in dire need of some assistance. im not sure what will happen if this fails. please help me!


Ed 4 years ago

Im sorry all,I have just been going through this myself,my wife of 10yrs has been doing this texting with a co-worker for the past month.I just asked her about it and she said the co-worker had a breakup with a girlfriend and they were just talking {comforting}..I had to laugh a little because i asked why not just call each other?she couldnt explain that,I tell you when you have a gut feeling,go with it,i found out because the phone company kept calling about the bill,so i went on there to figure why it was so high.I thought they texted to try and hide what they were doing...


pixie 4 years ago

I Hate His/Her Ex is a book for anyone having difficulty coming to terms with their partner’s past relationships - brilliant read! Available on Amazon or most bookstores - Download from Amazon or buy it on paperback!


Other Woman 4 years ago

I had to post....would

Like to offer another perspective to this horrible topic.

I met the other man when we were 7yrs old. We watched

Each other grow and he asked

Me out when we were

16. It was sweet and innocent

and he didn't make

A move...he was shy.

We went out of

Each Others lives and

Married other people but he was always in my heart....first love and all.

Anyway I found him

By accident on fb. I did not go looking for him..we met again on a relatives page while posting comments.

I sent him an invite....I was happy to talk to him and

Catch up on what we had both been doing since losing contact.

We got on really well and it wasn't long before he asked

If he could call me. I gave him my number. Didn't think there was anything wrong with it.

I really don't know how or when it started but we were talking every day. Then he told me one day he had texted me approx

4,000 Times in the past two months! I had no idea that we were getting involved. It

Just happened.

It really was innocent at first. Then he upped the ante and

Confessed that he regretted not

Getting with me when we were

16.

I was so naive! I didn't realise

we were getting into something

wrong. All I knew is that the boy I had always loved had come

back and we liked each other

and he seemed like talking and

being with me.

Anyway we fell....very deeply. It was so potent at first no one else existed in our world.

We never meant to hurt our partners. The emotional pull was

Incredibly strong and the following sexual pull also unbelievable. He is my soulmate

And even tho we aren't

Together, we will always have a bond that cannot be broken.

Like I said, we never meant to hurt anyone but I guess

We wore rose Colored glasses.

My partner knew and said as long as I didn't sleep with the other man it was ok for me to talk to him. Asked me if I could

Find room in my heart to share

It with both of them. How can He ask that!

The other mans partner wasn't so nice about it. She caught us and yes she made him give me up. I don't blame her but what can I do about it.

I know we are not over. I'm not sure what will happen with them

but she's crazy for thinking he will stay away from me.

He can't.

He won't.


Other Woman 4 years ago

I should point out that we have adult children who no longer rely on us for support.

The other man does not and cannot have any children with his partner.


Nichole 4 years ago

I recieved an e-mail alert that my husband had gone over his texting plan last month. I immediately had a horrible feeling and sure enough when i checked the current usage my fears were confirmed. I saw a number repeated over and over again. I found out that this number belonged to a female co-worker. I called my husband and told him not to delete his texts because i wanted to read them. When i got home he had deleted some of the text messages. If there was nothing going on like he of course claimed then why the need to delete anything. I really can't believe I'm having to deal with this. I have never felt so alone and betrayed. I turned into psycho Bitch and found out that this woman is younger and pretty...i just had a baby 5 months ago (i can't compete with that). I'm a good wife...I work hard and I'm very supportive of my husband. He doesn't want to lose me or the kids but how do you recover from broken trust?


Other woman 4 years ago

Hi Nichole,

Even tho I have been on the other end of this, i can tell you from experience: do not compete with her. Because what he will not tell you is that men do it because they like variety. There are still things he loves about you so do not change anything about yourself. Doing so makes it look like you are not good enough when in fact you are.

Also I know that altho you are hurting from his behavior do NOT rag on him constantly. It just makes him move further away from you.

If you all wish to stay married after something like this, you must find it in yourself to forgive and in doing this, he will stay.

You give him an ultimatum and he will go.

Once caught they know they have done wrong - even if they will not admit it - from the way you react. Yes, get angry but do not lose your head. Sort out what u really want and if it's him, live, learn and forgive.

If you cannot do this, then kick him to the kerb but only if it's what you really want.

YOU make the choice don't let him make it. If he wants to stay and u want it too then work together and find some common ground.


Nichole 4 years ago

Other Woman,

Thank you for the advice as odd as it may be coming from an "other woman". I have always been very direct and honest. I'm working on figuring out what i want... I want someone as committed to love and family as I am. I guess we will see if my husband is that man or not. I'm not worried about him wanting to stay; he has made it very clear that this other woman is not worth losing me or his family over. He called a counselor and we are meeting him next week.

Question: Has your married man left his wife and worked things out with you? Do you think he will, honestly?


Other woman 4 years ago

Hi Nichole,

In reply to your question:

From what I know their marriage is dead and it is only a matter of time before it ends. I don't think he ever intended to hurt her but now he has to deal with it all the same. I stay out of it, I do not pressure him about it. I know it's hard for both of them and I do not wish her prolonged heartache. I know she hates me but there's nothing I can do about it. I dont blame her really.

She has told him never to contact me again but he will not stay away for long. He is now trying to do the right thing and wind up his marriage before coming to me and that's ok with me.


4tsom10 profile image

4tsom10 4 years ago from Texas Author

Hello...

I haven't read my comments for a while, but from all the messages...we are all so screwed up! I'm glad that my post has received a lot of comments. This is such a difficult topic and so many people and marriages/relationships have been affected so badly by texting. I have had readers send me direct emails because they just found out that their partners are cheating and they don't know what to do. I've had people comment that were/are the "other person" and they believe they are "soul mates" and that the husband or wife cheating will leave their spouse and they will live happily every after...which is the craziest thing I have ever read. Maybe they will live happily ever after...if they blindfold and lock the person up! Other People...if you have a past boyfriend/girlfriend that you have been thinking about and you want to know how they are doing... Don't friend request them or email them. You don't want to just be friends and catch up on old times......JUST LEAVE THEM ALONE!Join a dating service if you're lonely. Find someone that isn't in a relationship.

From my horrible experience came a lot of good and bad. The bad is that I no longer believe in "soul mates" which is sad. We grow up watching shows where love prevails and the show ends and we expect that the couple grow old and die together. I'm sad for my daughters and all daughters for that matter because very few will ever find true monogamous love. The good that I learned is that I have become stronger, less naive, more independent and best of all, I trust in my intuition and know that if anything bad happens to me again, I will be fine. I am still married, we just celebrated our 22nd anniversary and we still love each other. We talk about what happened every so often and it still brings me to tears. I think it always will and he tells me that what happened is the biggest regret of his life. I hope that is true. We have moved on but it has been the hardest thing I have ever dealt with and the "what if's" will always be in the back of my mind. Love sucks and Love is great all at once, but what I know now is that you have to do what is best for you and no one else. Good Luck to everyone and I wish all find your inner peace.


Other Woman 4 years ago

Hi,

I agree with what you have said.

A couple of years ago I would never imagined I would be in the position I am now but it is what it is.

I can't make him do anything he doesn't want to do and that is probably the key to all these stories. We are dealing with emotions and the mind is affected by them. All people whether make or female have needs. Most people unfortunately do not understand the complexities of why they need what they do and all people live in delusion until they wake up and honestly face what they need.

I will suggest here that you don't believe in soulmates etc, because you have been hurt and it is hard for anyone to accept that it could be true coming from a place of hurt.

Interestingly I have been married and can honestly say that I have never felt my husband ways soulmate - despite being married to him for over 25 years. We had a good relationship and we just grew apart. We both knew this to be the truth. We are still friends but I will never ever entertain an emotional relationship with him again.

Even tho we all have similar issues, make no mistake, emotions and how we handle them and act out because of them has nothing to do with the mind.


lightgal 4 years ago

I really feel that it is inappropriate for a married person to have a texting relationship with someone of the opposite sex. Even if it is not of a sexual nature, it is still wrong because everything starts somewhere and this could easily progress onto sexting and then meetings, etc. If you are married then there is absolutely NO good reason to have a texting relationship going on. It only serves as a starting point and I also learned the hard way that social media can have the same purpose. I started to see my husband becoming too interested in other women on facebook and I quickly ended that by deleting both of our fb accounts (which he suggested)and I can't believe how some other women try to go for married men..No morals at all. Life is too damn short for that BS!


Jessie 4 years ago

Life is too short to be unhappily married to someone - or someone who you realised too late was wrong for you!

Be honest please!

No marriage is happily ever after and it is delusional to think they are and if one spouse us unhappy this kinda thing can happen!

Unfortunately men are not upfront and if they think they can get away with it, they will!


jemanigh 4 years ago from OKC, OK

I found out my boyfriend is doing the same thing to me ... I confronted him and he accused me of getting into his email accounts ... hello ... I can barely work a remote much less hack an email ... but I have been sitting next to him and a text has come thru and whadaya know ... it's either an explicit text or pic ... I also saw him sign in to a few sites that he said he had gotten rid of ... then turned it around on me and said you are still on there ... well, in reality (and he knows this) I had re-signed up to see if he was still there and when I saw that he was I just kept my profile until he deleted his ...

I love this man more than anything, just not sure where to go from here ....


AS 4 years ago

My hubby and I have been married for 3 years,but we have been together for 8 years we share beatiful kids together. I trusted him with all my heart. Last year my supicions or call it 6th sense caused me to go thru his phone, i found a love peom that he sent to a co-worker. The return email from her was that she was not interested as he was a married man!!. When I confronted him he told me that it was just flirting, all men do it !!!but she neva returned the same. He promised that he will neva do it again, but (other emails)cute animals ect. are sent to and from her on a regular basis apart from the normal chitchat via email. I still don't trust him and feel betrayed in some way. Not sure how to get rid of this bitterness and anger. I find myself now wanting to go thru his phone and emails regularly. Although nothing is going on as he says !!! but my curiosity is getting the best of me. I wonder what were his intentions if she returned the flirting ?


jemanigh 4 years ago from OKC, OK

I too find myself holding in a lot of bitterness and anger ... it's like a blister ... I let it fester and fester until it pops!

I just want to be able to trust him. I don't feel at this moment that I have any stability in this relationship ...


Tangos231 4 years ago

Just found out on Valentine's day that my wife had been sex texting and sending nude pictures a co-worker from her work place for over a year now. We were high school sweethearts and had been together for over 10 years now. I trusted her so much that I never looked into any of her social media and email accounts. Before I confronted her I dug up all the info I can about him, phone records, and even broke into her secret email accounts. When I confronted her she denied everything. She gave me a made up story of how he lives in a different state and they had only been texting for about a month and so on and had discovered him on facebook. Of course I already knew the real info and to see her lie to me looking straight into my eyes and swearing to her mother's grave I was heart broken. So as I reveled a little more of the secret emails, she began to give a little more detail but yet still denies it. After a long 3 hour talk to try to get her to tell the truth, I relieved everything I knew and she finally told me they work together and had been having this relationship for more than a year. I felt like my world had ended. I gave her everything and paid for it all even if it meant that I went into debt. I asked her if they had sex within this time and she denied it but admitted that she had been considering it. When I asked her why she did it she only repeated "I Don't Know" and nothing else. What should I do at this point? Do I believe her that they never had sex? I am so ready to file the divorce papers because I feel like I can't trust her anymore. She said she only wants to be with me and she'll stop her relationship with him but admitted that if I never caught it she wouldn't know when she would stop the relationship with him. He is married with 2 kids so I threaten to bring it up with his wife but yet she tries to protect him and said to leave her out. This is my first marriage and I had never felt so betrayed. Your advice would be appreciated.


4tsom10 profile image

4tsom10 4 years ago from Texas Author

Tangos,

I'm so sorry to hear about your experience but I'm glad that you had your evidence together before confronting her about it. As you stated, she looked you in the eyes and denied and lied about everything, hoping that you would believe her. I'm glad that you stood your ground. I know how that hurts to have someone that you trused your life with look and completely lie to you. You won't know if she had sex with this person unless she comes right out and admits to it, but if this has been going on for a year now and they work together, the odds are not good...in your favor. Simply stated, if she wanted to be with you...she would have and not turned to someone else. I can't tell you what to do as you need to soul seach this yourself. You just found out about this, so really think this over with your head and not just your heart. I hope that everything works out for you and know that you will be ok no matter what the outcome. If you can, keep us posted.

Tina


kristhy27 4 years ago

A couple of months ago I found out my husband was texting his ex girlfriend right before we go marry! He had text her very sexual and appropriate things when I confronted him he said he was not cheating on me that the only reason he did that was to pretty much just get it out of his system and he never meant for it to get out of line like it did..he apologize so many times but now am always thinking his going to continue or fall into the same thing again! Am not sure what to do, I feel like it its done once it can happen again? Is texting an ex when your committed to someone else cheating?can people really change?


imanidiot 4 years ago

Read your comment about texting and cheating and wanted to offer my prospective from the other side.

My girlfriend claims that I'm shady. Questions why I clear my cookies and search history (purely for anti-virus reasons) and that I close my facebook messages when she's walking around (I do tend to alt tab alot between games and facebook).

Yesterday, she went through my phone for what she claims was the first time since we started dating a year ago. She found one set of texts to two different girls that I've known for a while but have no dating/romantic involvement history with.

The first set of texts was to "A" in the basics of which I asked for nudes in what I intended and assumed was perceived as a joking manner. I nor "A" traded in pictures of any sort.

The second set of texts was to "D" and the context of the conversation was me telling her a silly pick up line that I'd heard on television.

I realize that sending the texts was not only disrespectful and rude. Not only to my girlfriend who has been committed to me since we started dating but to my friends as well.

I've been trying to be open and honest with her, as forth coming as possible that there was nothing else besides the two sets of texts, but she's convinced that there was more.

I know it's her choice to stay or to go. I really want her to know that I love her, and that I want to be with her only. She is so hurt, however, I might not get that chance.

So my question I suppose is what do I do from here on out?

I've deleted and erased every conversation I've ever had with anyone and cleared out my facebook friends. I've stopped and gotten rid of pornography on my computer. I've started devoting as much time as I can into our relationship being open and transparent. I do not wish to give the appearance of impropriety.

The most I feel like I can do is to try and keep making myself a better person. She's convinced that people do not change.

What more can I do? I know it will take time to heal her broken heart. I've simply been giving her space to assess if she wants to reconcile. I've been there if she asks for something, been trying to be considerate and attentive. I don't wish for these traits to fade, I do want to move forward. I regret hurting her, so much but I have no recourse other than to let her make a decision about what she wants to do. Today, we've not kissed, but exchanged hugs and "I love you's". Hoping it works out for the best.

A few more questions, if you'd like to answer. I'd appreciate your prospective.

Does intimacy involve setting ground rules for what is and isn't private? (This question always seems to come up when matters like this occur).

What should I do about the trust violation that she committed by invading my privacy?

Is it still my privacy when the account is not shared?

I haven't made mention of any of this. If I was trying to hide something from her, I would have deleted it or put a password on my phone.

The long and the short of it to me is that, I should always have her in the fore front of my decisions, she is my equal, she is my partner, and a part of me. What's mine is her's and her's is mine?

Thanks

-J


lotus34 4 years ago

I have been married for 10 months but soon after my marriage i found that my husband is talking sex to other girls not only this text messages on sex and girls also sending their nude pictures on his mobile. he even set passcode on his cellular phone at night he dint allow me to come in room without knocking door . He say he wants privacy and privacy from me. He even till now didnt any physical relation with me. If ask he said he wants to settle things . I dont understand what the relation between making physical relation with me and settling things. He got all time to send sex message to other girls and those girls who never meet him in real. He said my friends more important and he even said that he give me everything but not to stop him from talking to other girls. I am really sad dont know what to do please suggest


GoCat666 4 years ago

I met my childhood sweetheart from infant school after years apart. We got together Sept 2009, he moved in Dec 2009, we just celebrated 1 year anniversary and I found out he'd been texting a mutual school friend who was his fiancé when he was 19. Being 38 and more mature I invited her to do my waxing and nails for my wedding last year. His previous marriage of 15 years involved 2 affairs that were known about. There have been trust issues between us since he started keeping his phone glues to his hip and changing his phone account password. The thing is he always thought I was up to no good but he would check my phone, where I was who I was with times places you name it. Even a control freak at home, getting funny about seeing my friends and family, yet I welcomed his 10 yr old into our home. Well apart from that he spoilt me for my

Birthday/ wedding anniversary and any gifts he always got me

were thrown back in my face which completely took away any

love or care by which the gift was given. Turns out after a row, he said one of my so called friends offered him friends with 'benefits' and he thought I'd set up a honey trap. By my reaction he knew I had no idea about it. By a fluke, I logged into to his phone bill. No fewer than 28 texts on new years eve whilst he was working. During January another 100 + texts to this 'friend' . She once told me after her and her hubby separated he would rathe have a sex buddy so to me I believed there was some truth to it. He denied anything further than texting went on. She also denied the 'benefits' offer. Since viewing the bill as time went along, more recent texts appeared to numbers I did not

Recognise. Turns out it was an old flame from when he was married. The day after out anniversary she and he became friends in Facebook. I said I wast comfortable with it and he got angry. Guilt talking. However, before that fb encounter, he has text her number a dozen times at a time always when he was in duty. What a fool I feel. I do not know how far things went but for him to be on MY case every 5 minutes, down to what I spend makes me WILD with anger. He always said he would never cheat and when given the 'if te shoe was in the other foot' he would be mad as a madman on madman pills! I have told him to get out ASAP. All he wants to know is if he can have the car which my business owns. He slagged me off sayin I didn't have a proper job and that he was sick of paying bills when I had a low income. Yet he was happy to bleed the business for trips away and fuelling his tips to work etc. I gave him all I had and I really thought he would be my future. I guess once a cheat always a cheat. Evn his ex wife warned me about his ways. I feel so hurt and alone. I am trying to be strong but I feel empty and used beyond what my heart is capable of dealing with. Why why why??! I love him still and we had suh good times. He made out he'd always loved me since our 4 year relationship at junior school. I was so proud to be his wife now I feel a fool. Luckily no kids but that was my future now taken away. I'm 39. I don't know how I can trust anyone again. he was my true love. So so so sad and heartbroken.


Allikins784 4 years ago

I find myself to some degree backed against the wall. My boyfriend and I have been together now for 2 years. We both seem to have veryhigh hopes for our future together....though the past few months Ihave seen a side of him I was not expecting. He and I have sex everyday together, it is not as though he or I are deprived in any way. We try new things, definately keep things interesting...though he has averted his attention in other places too. He is Brazilian, and not to generalized but based on all he has told me his culture is very comfortable with sex. Many, not all but many are premiscuous. He has been speaking inappropriateky with women oline....some from Brazil. His arguement is that they are so far away and nothing will come of it. I have explained my thoughts and what my boundaries are so many times but he seemed almost completely void to it. He doesnt seem to understand. And i know this is something that has definately been happenign the entirty of our relationship but i was just ignorant toit all until about 6 months ago. I am certain he loves me very much, so very much. He has sacrificed a lot for me, as i for him, in the short time we have been together....oh and did I mention we are expecting. It was not planned but we are oth thrilled! I just dont know what to do or say anymore. I am ot what you woukd call a traditional woman in that i too am always interest in extra fun, but as i have said to him,private conversations crosses the line for me! If we are sharing experiences that is one thing, but if he is in any way intimate with another person....well that is too far.....on one hand I feel he is completely enamoured of me and on the other hand, I feel disrespected and lonely :(


Tangos231 4 years ago

Just want to give an update about my situation. First, I want to thank you for your advice 4tsom10. It was the only thing that calmed me down and made me think. We had a long talk yesterday and my wife seem very ashamed for what she did. She gave up another facebook and email account that I didn't know existed. We talked about the problem and shared our feelings. She said she wants to work things out and was willing to forget about the guy. She was willing to quit her job and move to a different state. She gave me a very detail plan on how she will accomplish this and set up rules and boundaries for work.

I thought about how we came to this situation and why it happened. I thought about the good times we had and compared it to this one incident and the good outweigh the bad. I realized that it takes 2 people to have a problem. I think I can trace some of the blame back to myself. Women are much more emotional than men and will seek it if they are lacking it from their man. Most men seek physical attraction and will cheat if they don't get the required amount. Because we had been together for so long (going on 15 years now) we had fallen into a pattern and I may have started to neglect some of her emotional needs and I think she was finding it from her coworker. She told me that sometimes I don't make her feel special or I don't complement her as much any more.

I can not divorce her because it was partly my fault that I had driven her to do the things she did. We are now trying to work things out and trying to revive that spark that brought us together in the first place. I'm learning that marriage is a work in progress and has to be upkeep in order for it to work. I want to thank you again for your advice.

To all the others that had been cheated on, think about what is lacking in your relationship. Are you missing an emotional aspect or a physical? Maybe you just need to complement them or tell them you love them. Maybe you've gain a little weight and deep down it's bothering him/her. Just a reminder to women that men also need emotional support. Don't be fool by his macho wall that he puts up. In this society men are taught to be strong and not cry.


sadk 4 years ago

My spouse kept texting a friend "I love you. I miss you. I can't wait to see you." They work in the same building. She swears it was just friendship. I met the person and the day I did she told me that she loved me. Actually she said it to me a couple of times. In 20 or 30 texts there was nothing sexual. Just, "I miss you babe, can't wait to see you. I love you..." Somehow I believe there was nothing sexual going on, but it still hurt so very much and still does. Spouse told her I felt it was disrespectful and they had to stop texting that way. Again, it still hurts so much that spouse took the time to write that to her. We're all women, if this doesn't seem to make sense.


Take it or Leave it 4 years ago

Okay a little drunk so I think I'm willing to share. But I think it is a little more intense than texting....I willl try to start at the begining and not bore people with to many descriptions.

I met my husband in 2004 I was a young girl at the time doing a lot of drugs and I met a girl who's dad owned a liqure store so I was inadvertently dating that girl cause I was fd up. It turns out that she was married and dating people(boys and girls) she met on the internet. I finally sobered up and left a month or so later her husband started calling me and after a year and a half later we married. I became a respectable woman who stood by her man...all was good until May 2010 I found out that he had been online with the company ashley maddison to have an affair with other pervs since Feb 2010. I found out by picking up his phone and a message was on there waiting to be opened. Me and a lottttttt of booze confronted him he said it was because I worked to much at different hours so he thought he was neglected - I worked by the way for a non-profit agency for DD adults as a supervisor in a group home and I was on call 24-7-365. No kidding it was a real strain on us but he said that he would stop what he was doing and he understood what I did for work was better for the greatter good for everyone. July came around and I felt he had not changed his ways cuz I kept finding texts. He told me he could not cancel the account and it was sending them to him without his permission. So in my mind I said BS and made out with his BF to get back at him. I told him the very next day what happened, afterall I wasn't trying to cheat but get back at him. Come Sept. he was still off the hinges with me saying how awful my behavior was, but not saying any of this to his friend that I made out with. So I did it again. After the first time I thought he would be jealous instead of calling me scandoulous. It certinaly did not improve our relationship but we was making our way through. He hurt his back and became addicted to pills and a half gallon of vodka a day. I almost left him but I had never been married before and he and I have a lot in common so I stayed. As soon as he had his surgery he quit the pills. I went though several more months of being torn between work and home. I left work in Aug 2011 to become a housewife to start a family. I then have found him talking to women on facebook that he claims to be his friends ex, and the messages says that she was the one that got away and she needed to bring her game back. In Dec. he frenched an 8 mile lookin skank at the local bar. On New Years he put tequila in his mouth and put in the mouth of a double skank that happened to be our friends mom! The last two indiscretions happened right in front of me and witnesses. He appologized and said he was drunk. I've been livid since and not a week goes by without me bringing it up. Now he is blaming it on me not working. So a woman a few years younger but not hotter that used to work for me was on hard times and needed to stay with us. On a Wednesday he was trying to f her. I fought with him about the other things he had recently done in front of my face like I didn't matter and that it was not going to happen again. Well... come Saturday I still didnt matter and he was trowin his d*ck out there and I finally said do what you want to do. Well he did and said it was my fault for it happining. Oh yeah and he was drunk again....so was I. He still wants to stay together and it is my first mariage, my family really likes him and we still do have a lot in common except for I would like us to have boundries and grow up. He says he understands this but it seems like he is giving lip service in more ways than one. I will be 33 this summer and I feel to old to start over. Neither one of us has kids and when I left my job he told everyone we know that we was going to now I feel like a chump like he now has the power to use me and only shows me attention when I'm on the verge of leaving. BTW he will be 40 and we are upper middle class. I feel rediculous going through this at our age. If there is any advice I would appriciate it but I know if it makes you just sit back and say its a lost cause I understand that too.


confused 4 years ago

so i have a question. My bf always shows me love and affection and has changed so many things to be with me. we were friends for bout 10 years before ever getting together. once we got together we immediately moved in together which he had never lived with a gf before. He had the bachelor life no rules tons of freedom and girls pretty much whatever he wanted. we had some problems with his ex in the beginning with him texting and messaging n im pretty sure he met her a couple times but since i found out about that he swears he hasnt talked to her and i snoop alot and havent found anything and weve been good and together for 8 months.but yesterday i find a naked pic sent to him in his email from a girl we both know....i confronted him and he said yes he did ask her to send it hes never messed with her and they only chat sometimes. Hes not txting all the time and hes not on fb all the time. He says guys do stupid stuff sometimes its just in them but that he hasnt cheated on me or touched anybody. im mad and hurt. is this normal for guys to do cuz they get bored as long as they dont ttouch?


mala 4 years ago

back i feel so stupid for ever believing hes lies,i guess the sane is true love is blind.hears the story we meet a year and a half ago threw his cuz, my friend we hit it off right away after a few months i fell in love with im and he told me he loved me first,any we moved in together.after a while.i i relize he been going threw my phone asking me who is this guy who is that and stared listenning to my messages i confronted him about it and ask him what are you looking for im not doing any thing wrong.i only have one male frind that i talk to that i known for 10 years and i never flirt with him or any thing i have no form of atraction to that person i even asked if he would like to meet him or talk to him buut he didnt want to.but any way he stared acusing me of cheating on him with him my frind and it hurted because i wasnt. it was like he was trying to look for an excuse for somthing.so i stared investigating him because i started to feel somthing was wrong.i found out his password to his gmail.guess what i found a girl was sending him video messages of her striping for him geing fully naked.i confronted him he says he new this girl from a program he was in and one day he said she had a surprise and that was it.so why keep it?.he later deleted it.that began my trust issue with him.then i notice he stared taking his phone with him were ever he goes he even sleeps with it.so i investigate.i checked his phone a few time he deletes all the numbers from his call box and all the messeges he sends.but one day he didnt and he been talking and texting this girl name sasha as soon as i leave for work or evey time he goes to the store for a lucy(cigarette).any way i confronted him abut it he says he known her from high school and he found out she was in the shelter and he wanted if she was ok i didnt make a big deal about it untill i saw she sent him a picture with her half naked i confronted he erase it.any way two months later we are 7 month in our so called relationship his cuz died i was ther for him being suportive but he stared doing disapearing acts i hardly saw him for 2 weeks he says he was staying with his bro to help each other threw this cuz he was feeling sad and depress i falt somthing was wrong so i found out the pass word to his facebook and i found out he cheated on me.he wrote to one of his friends( this shit is crazy i cant belive i got her last night,i feel bad now. and his friend says why its just sex,did she scream your name. he says no but she did scream though right right i might go hit that again)my sanity disapeared that day and i got into a physical fight with him.any way he beg for forgivness i eventually gave him another chance and a few monts later i found out he got oovoo i found out the password to that and he been video chatting girls at night when im gone one he wanted to take to dinner one he told another girl he wanted to have sex with her another which was sasha he told her he wanted to be with her etc ther is so much to this story i cant write it all but i confronted him about it and he says it was just harmless talking they mean nothing im being jelious and that he just like fucking with there heads at that point i said f u i dont want to be with u i kicked him out.i was so madly in love with him that i didnt want to believe that he wound do that but life is short dont waste your time dont make the same mistake i did.now i never been happier


Red25 4 years ago

I have just found out that my Wife of 10 years has been texting another man for over 3 months. She met him when working and she has text him over 300 times.

Its the times she is doing it, when I am away on business, at work, when she is out with friends, NYE etc etc. Sometimes 15 to 20 times a day when I am not around.

I have confonted her and she has said it was nothing, just texts at it meant nothing. If that is the case why did she keep it a secret, never mention him and only do it when I am not around.

She has promised never to text again and to delete number but I am still finding it difficult to accept. She won't tell me who he is or anything about what they text each other. She just says it was not anything, no details and thats what I am struggling to believe.

I need to know who it is for my peace of mind and whilst she won't tell me I feel she is still hiding something. I feel hurt, angry and not really sure what to do...


Alyssa 4 years ago

Hi, I've seen your page and I see u have answers a lot of questions my point is I need help too . I'm kind of young and I'm new art the hole dating thing.my bc and my best friend talk like everyday and once they were talking about if me and him broke up. And it want like oh I would be so sad it was like oh I would go out with you. I from trusted him that ou

t was nothing but e he has been keeping secrets


Lisabrokenheart 4 years ago

It is happened to me as well, my BF has been chatting on yahoo with several ex girlfriends many just casual but there's been to the quest for naked pictures and it's vincent. He's talked about private parts of your body and how he misses them. No w promises it will never happen again and he is broke contact for these women. So hard to want to trust him. I have another male friend tell me I was okay because it's kind of like watching a porn. I even told him I would try to forgive him that we could move on and be happy. After reading all these comments I think it'll just happen again


Candy 4 years ago

On my fiancé 30th birthday i went through his phone he left on the bed. He had several messages to his ex, a co-worker a two other women from work . All messages were of sexual nature. He tells me he did not have sex with them. But clearly his messages are sexual content back and forth a month after we got engaged. I tried to forgive him but can't . I can't trust him and the relationship everyday is deteriating. I never cheated in him but now it doesn't even make a difference. I tell him. There is nothing

Left I offered to give his ring back , he didn't take it . I feel that there are other men out there that I never gave a chance to that would love me and respect me more than him. It's hard to move on but each day I grow further apart even by keeping in touch with him. Everyday I read the texts as I took pics of them and each day I hate him more . Eventually I will get over him and move on with life


4tsom10 profile image

4tsom10 4 years ago from Texas Author

Lisa...if he's just your boyfriend and already treating you like that...it WILL happen again. Trust your feeling and move on. You will find someone who wants just you!


4tsom10 profile image

4tsom10 4 years ago from Texas Author

Alyssa,

I think you need to get a new boyfriend and best friend. They don't sound like they care much about you. Don't accept the way they are treating you. Just because you're young doesn't mean that you don't deserve to be treated with respect. Find a better friend and certainly a better boyfriend.


Idiot 4 years ago

I have just spent the past 2 and a bit hours reading the entire list of comments on this page and understanding just how much hurt can be caused by texting/messaging etc whilst in a relationship.

I am 21 and have been with my beautiful girlfriend for 14 months. We were friendly before hand and met at work. Our relationship developed and she left her boyfriend of 5 years to be with me, despite a small break in between. After about 6 month she moved into my place and we set up our home together. She has recently found conversations on my phone to other girls, some flirtations others slightly more sexual. None of the conversations have lasted more than 10/15 minutes or been in depth 'sexting' for the matter. Whilst none of the previous is an excuse i just wanted to clarify my position. I have been honest with her after she confronted my about then and as much as i'd like to try i cant find a reason to explain them away, im am deeply in love with her, she is perfect in every way imaginable. At present we are both emotional wrecks, im devastated to see her so hurt, betrayed and upset knowing that i have thrown away the best relationship i have ever had. She tells me she loves me and but doesn't know if you can work things out with me after all of this.

I am beside myself with worry and im so scared of loosing her, whilst i should have thought of this at the time, it seemed so fleeting that it wasn't an issue and wouldn't cause hurt, something i now know to be oh so wrong.

Can anyone please advise me on how they have managed to overcome these issues if possible. I love her more than anything and loosing her would would be the worst thing imaginable. We had started to get back on track, we drew a line under it all until she went through a very old phone and looked at previous messages, some before we had even met and she didn't like them either. Now i feel i have lost her for good this time. Im agreeing i was wrong, wanting to change and i know i was stupid. I want to prove to her that i can change and that i WILL.

Please help????


sherry 4 years ago

My husband has a history of cybering with up to 20 different girls at a time. he's also gone back to all of his exes at least twice and he's cheated on all of them. he hasn't physically cheated on me, but he's cybered. Most of them i was able to get over because he stopped them before they got to graphic, but I was just in the hospital. he was sitting by my bed holding my hand talking to this girl. and i knew it was a girl but he kept lying and telling it was a guy from high school. the night i got out of the hospital, i texted her pretending to be him and found out where she lived, her name, and i found a picture of her that he saved on his phone. i told her never to contact him again and she hasn't since. i asked him why he kept her picture in his phone and he said it was because he liked to have a picture in his head when he thought about her. i assume that means he was fantasizing about her even though he denys that. i've let go of everything else in the past, but him doing this while i was in the hospital is extremely hard to let go


Bob 4 years ago

I recently found out my girlfriend (who is pregnant) has been texting her ex boyfriend for a long time behind my back, we agreed a long time ago that ex partners can only complicate a relationship and so we would not text them. Since that conversation I have cut all ties with my ex and done my part to now find out that she has continued.

What makes things worse is that I'm made to feel like the bad guy because I looked at her itemised bill and noticed all these texts. She says she can't trust me and that I've hurt her for looking! WHAT ABOUT ME?

now I do agree that when a person looks through private things of your partners you do not trust them fully otherwise you would not be looking and I admit that all her suspicious activity and blatant secrecy with her phone did make me paranoid.

Am I the bad person for looking through her private mail to find something or is she the bad one for texting behind my back and lying to me for so long??


Petrus 4 years ago

Hi My wife and i got married in September last year. a week ago I had to use her phone as mine had no airtime. She gave me the phone before finding the number that i need to text.

This made me susicious and i looked at her BBM Black Berry Messenger) finding a message from a male friend of hers that she found on Facebook.

Asking her what was going on she replied that he had asked her if he could chat to her on facebook and she agreed only if things do not get out of hand.

One thing lead to another and they ended up exchanging numbers and BBM pins.

Initially he was a shoulder to cry on.

This all started in Jan this year, 4 months after our marriage.

By the time I found out she was emotionally involved with this who is also married.

I am defastated. I never belived or had any doubt that my wife would want to do something like that. I now find it extremely hard to understand why and blame myself for trusting her so much.

She has told me that she loves me and wants to be with me forever. She also told me that she never thought this would happen to her.

I do hope that i will be able to truxt her again. It hurts finding out these things.

Sexting is cheating - cause believe me sooner or later they will find a why to be toegether.


curiouscat 4 years ago

My husband and I have been married for 12 years. We like to work out, but because of scheduling conflicts we don't work out at the same time. We share what goes on at the gym, who we see, our workouts, etc.

I recently found out that he has a female workout "partner". He has NEVER mentioned this woman when he speaks of the gym. It turns our that they also work together. He said they just happen to do the same workouts and since it's a small gym, they end up sharing areas/ equipment.

Because this was such a secret, I decided to check his cell phone use. Which, by the way, has always been a big privacy thing for him. (he says I'm too nosy and treat him like a child) I found MANY texts per day, some into the night for months. Even a few on Christmas Day and when I was out of town.

I confronted him and asked if he was texting his workout partner... he said no. When I told him not to lie to me, he said he wasn't. His jaw dropped when I told him I checked the usage and it showed otherwise. In fact, he was texting within the minutes before and after I confronted him.

I called her to confirm and ask if there was more to the workout/ text relationship that I should know about. She assured me that there wasn't. She assured me that her husband knew all about it and asked me not to drag him into it. Kind of a weird request if he knows all about it... She texts from two different numbers~ I'm guessing the work cell and home cell. I've often wondered if I should provide a copy to him of the amount of texts his wife made with my husband.

They both claim all texts were either about workouts ("LET'S do this tomorrow") or about work issues/ drama. My problem is that I was left in the dark so that I didn't get mad. He deleted all of her texts, but left mine and his family's undeleted.

Since my disapproval has been made clear, there are no more texts. They still go to the gym at the same time, but he says they do not speak to each other and they still work together.

I am trying to get over this. My husband and I have started making one night a week be a date night. He understands that I am very sensitive to any contact he has with her, so I hope he will let me in on it.

My concern is this~ Is he just getting smarter about how to get it past me? Will he buy a special phone to text with her? Do people think I am a jealous freak?

any comments with points-of-view would be great...


Jimbo 4 years ago

I have been dating a girl for 11 months. She is the best thing that's ever happened to me. Before her, I was 6 years single. And a heavy swinger at that. But when I met this girl, things were different. I actually had feelings for this one. But my swinger mentality remained. I never touched any other girls, but I had texted/fb/emailed sexual intentions to some. My girlfriend found out and was devastated. She dumped me and I found myself crying alone in my bedroom looking at pictures of her and I together and hating my life. I did everything in my power to receive forgiveness, and through her kindness it was granted. Earlier last week I ended up sending a fb message to 1 girl. My girlfriend found out again (both times other people telling her--I think of that as both good and bad. Bad in the sense of stay out of other people's private lives if it doesn't involve you, but good in the sense that I need to change and it has to take facing consequences to learn that.). She dumped me again and AGAIN I find myself crying and feel so alone. I love this girl. I KNOW I DO! I know I've made mistakes as well. But the way I feel with out her I know the love is real. But why do I continue to do these things to her? Break her innocent heart? I hate myself for what I've done, and I'll hate myself even more if we never get back together. I am meeting with a relationship therapist tomorrow, I plan on deleting my fb, getting a new one, and giving my ex-girlfriend the password. I don't know what else to do. I feel I have exceeded my chances and there's no hope.I get so upset thinking of how hurt she is. I am extremely regretful of my actions. Do you think I am on the right path to try and change myself before I ask for forgiveness? Maybe this isn't the right thread to ask for advice on the issue (because I am the one doing the hurting) but I'm reaching out to anyone and everything to help fix this. Thank you for reading my story.


Anonymous 4 years ago

I feel sick to my stomach right now and so lost! I have been with my Fiance for 4 years. When I met him I had an almost 2 years old daughter. I had been cheated on while I was 6 months pregnant and again at 8 months.......both times different women and both go pregnant. Needless to say I left that man and went on STRIKE from dating. He has never contacted me since....thank goodness. I started my own company and was a very successful single mommy who was independent. I met my Fiance while at a networking event and we both say that it was "instant" that we knew....the 1st date sealed the deal.

After 4 months introduced him to my daughter.....who had never really been around a man.....apart from my family. They have been inseparable since. He has stepped up 100% and has become her Daddy in every way shape and form. She does not know he is not her Birth Father yet.

We have faced many trials in our relationship.....my business got slow and he told me to take some time to enjoy my daughter before school started. I did.....but in the process have become financially dependent on him. His parents ended their 29 year marriage and his Father got re-engaged, his sister has her own world of drama she creates for everyone, we have dealt with my family and our issues, my needy mother who lived with us for a year and never chipped in, him dealing with shady business partners and the list goes on and on and on.......but we stayed strong through everything. We were a team and supported each other.

We got engaged 2 years ago this July. We had been planning the wedding but so many obstacles came up and we just pushed it back.....6 weeks before the wedding....we pushed it back.

Now here is where the issues lie. Last year he began hanging with an old friend that he has known since Jr, High. The friend was also engaged and his Fiance and I became VERY close. It was known that this friends cheated on his Fiance. My Fiance and I would talk about how disgusting it was every time we left them.

In June of last year I noticed my Fiance acting different.....short with me and just off. While sitting on the couch late at night he had fallen asleep and left his phone on the coffee table. I was still watching the show when he got a text at 12:30 am from a "JUSTIN" that said something like "you are so funny ;) ;)" obviously not from a guy named "Justin" I opened it up and my heart felt like it was about to burst through my chest. There was a series of text back and forth....text with plans to meet, details about his life, things he did.....minus his family (my daughter and I). I saved her number and confronted him. He denied everything until I told him I saw it all. He then said it was nothing physical that he met her at a restaurant while at a business meeting. That she knew he was engaged and kept pursuing him. I told him I would be calling her and I did. They never met but she also said that she did NOT know he was engaged. He had even called her on MOTHERS DAY!

That whole debacle ended and he had a lot of trust to earn back. I took a week away to collect my thoughts but for my daughters sake felt I needed to fight for us.

In December he went out of town and stayed with one of his groomsman and his family. He was home 2 days later. Things seemed great between us but again on January 2nd.....3 months before our wedding date, I see a text come in that says "where did you go?" not much before that.....it had been deleted. I say her name though and went and googled her. She went to the same college as him....and lived where he just went for business. I played dumb and acted like she had requested to be my friend on Facebook. Asked if he knew her. He denied it......I questioned him again "oh....so you don't know her? should I not add her? strange why someone from ___ would request me.....I don't know her!" he then said he knew her way back in college. I asked if he had talked to her or run into her. he got irritated and said no. then i asked again....he said that he had run into her at a sushi bar with ____ when he was in ___. That she was on a date. It was no big deal! I asked if they had dated. He said yes that they were pretty serious in college (complete BS because I know who he dated in college and this chick has never been mentioned!) I called my GF......the Fiance of his friend who had been cheated on....she went to college with my Fiance. She clued me in and said this chick was a whore. slept with anything and everything in college....even slept with guys for money. Now I don't know if it got physical. He told me if I accepted her on Facebook he would leave me.

He swore on his life nothing happened and it would never happen again. We started going to per-marital counseling and it seemed like things were getting better. The trust is a HUGE issue for me. He doesn't seem to understand why it is so big and why I cant just move forward

Since we have postponed the wedding he has once again started acting mean and distant. I am not blind.....I see all the red flags.....but I am completely dependent on this man and my daughter is involved. If it weren't for her I would have left him LONG ago. I am working on making some money and have some good prospects. Last year my car broke and he sold his. We got a "Family" car which was "mine" and were getting him a "work" car which never happened. So having no car and no job is not easy.......I am stuck.

He has been carrying his phone with him EVERYWHERE! It is never not by his side. I recognize this....I do. Today he left for work and forgot his phone. I went to see......just to see.....but to my surprise he has locked his screen with a password.....and not the password he normally uses. I instantly knew and I feel disgusted.

I don't know what to do! Do I wait and bide my time until I have something to fall back on? Do I confront him? Do I keep my mouth shut?

I feel sick!!!!!!!


Jimbo 4 years ago

blows my mind how he throws it in your face and denies things that you know. at least when my ex asked me questions i answered her honestly despite knowing she would leave me. since i posted that message about my story, i am trying my hardest to show her how much she means to me.

I deleted my facebook, deleted my twitter, deleted about 100+ contacts from my phone AND got a new number. The relationship therapist and I now have an appointment for Friday morning. I quit smoking, drinking, and joined Planet Fitness. I also PRAYED, something I haven't done in years. I don't know if my ex will give me a 3rd chance, but I hope she does. Knowing there are guys out there that simply don't care and continue to maliciously hurt their loved ones gives me hope that I can be forgiven.

As for your situation, obviously the trust issue is still daunting. I imagine my ex going through the same pain you are now, because she would continually tell me she never felt good, always wondering if I was texting girls again. Honestly, I only did it once, and she found out, and I am paying the price, but the constant mind fucking will definitely get to you.

My question is how did he act during the week you took a break from him to collect your thoughts? Cause I can tell you right now my ex hasn't spoken to me since Saturday and I am losing my mind with out her. Hope this helps you


sadwife 4 years ago

I just found that my husband of almost 22 years has rediscovered his first love, and texted her and received texts 54 times since lunchtime yesterday. His phone calls to her almost broke up our relationship the first year we were dating, but he stopped and promised to never contact her again. Is this a mid-life crisis or should I be thinking of divorce? I looked her up and see that she's single


Faby2012 4 years ago

Hey everyone, I just spent time reading all of the logs here, it's bitter sweet, because it's sad to know so many of u are going to thru the exact same thing as me, and yet I feel comfort in knowing I'm not alone. My husband textes with girls he finds attractive too. I've never caught him cheating. It bothers me when he covers up his actions with lies, so I bugged his cell phone, now I can read all his text messages! Let me tell u all! Now I'm learning the truth!


wonderingnow 4 years ago

I recently re-connected with my high school sweetheart via Facebook and we have become friends again. I am divorced and single, but he is married. He texts me regularly. He's also sends me gifts. He told me his wife knows about me and our friendship and that he really wants to help me as I've had financial difficulties after the divorce. He claims his wife supports our friendship. I haven't seen the man in 20+ years and he lives far away, and I have no intention of seeing him or getting involved in a relationship. It's all friendly, like we're just friends, but it feels wrong somehow. After reading some of these, I am wondering. How can our friendship lead to anything good? I don't want to distress a family or a marriage. Am I reading too much into his texting me frequently?? Should I cut the friendship and stop texting him back??


Jenny hibbert 4 years ago

Its cheating


echo 4 years ago

I am going through something similar, too. My husband and I have been married 9 months. One month after we got married he started a new job. I was going to be late to pick him up one day, so he said he would wait at the restaurant across the street. When I got there I found that a girl from work had waited with him. I was only a half hour late, but the itemized bill showed two appetizers and four beers. My husband claims they were all for him, but he has never finished more that one beer in a half hour since I have known him. A few weeks later we were watching a football game on tv and he was on the computer the whole time. After the game he left his Facebook open, and I saw that he had been messaging this same girl. She was telling him she wanted the guy she lived with to move out. My husband was offering to help her make it happen. I confronted him, and he told me he was just trying to help a friend who had problems, that is the kind of guy he is. And that is true, he does try to help people. But I felt that he was going too far, that this girl had family and long term friends in a better position to help her and she was looking at my husband as a knight in shining armor. When she found out I had seen the messages she asked if I was mad. I told him it was because she knew she had overstepped her bounds with a married man. He said he would back off on the friendship.

A few months later he told me that some things were happening at work and he was messaging with this girl to try to figure them out. I was ok with it, until the messaging went on for more than an hour on a Friday night. Then about a month later she put up a post saying something about if your man is talking to another girl don't blame the girl. I took that one personal. Then he left his Facebook open again and I saw where he had messaged her on a Saturday morning that he had some free time and did she want to hang out. She couldn't, but she invited him to her birthday barbeque the following weekend. I kept waiting to see if he would mention it, but he never did. Then on Valentine's Day I got two texts from him while he was at work. She got 12 texts and 9 picture texts. I finally confronted him again, and he said that they were just pictures of her kid and our dog. Why does he need pictures of her kid? But she was fired by that time and in a new relationship, so I started to feel better.

Then last weekend he got a text from a strange number on Thursday. There were a number of back and forth exchanges.There were more texts Friday. On Friday he was upset with me, so he got cleaned up and left the house for four hours. Immediately after he left he texted that number again several times, including a couple of picture texts. He doesn't know I monitor the phone activity. When I asked him if he had had plans he said no, he just went out to unwind from things. That number texted him the next morning, but he did not respond until Monday morning. There were a few texts back and forth, but nothing since.

Today is Friday again. On Wednesday night, and again on Thursday night, there began to be a lot of text activity between him and a whole new number. I am talking about at least 50 texts each way each day. And there are some picture texts involved as well. I have no idea if this is a girl or guy, but I can't help but be hurt and suspicious. I am thinking of asking to look at his phone. I talk to guy friends, too, but most of them were friends from before I knew him, and never to this extent. I feel like it is cheating, but I know he will say it is not.


roberto 4 years ago

A successful marriage requires giving “exclusive devotion” to your mate. (Song of Solomon 8:6; Proverbs 5:15-18) What does this mean? While it is normal to have friends of both sexes outside of marriage, your marriage mate has first claim on your time, attention, and emotional energy. Any relationship that takes what rightly belongs to your mate and gives it to someone else is a form of “infidelity,” even if no sexual activity is involved


hurt feelings 4 years ago

I just found out the man I've been seeing for the last year has not removed his dating site profile which we meet on. He logged into my laptop and left his page up, so I read everyhing. I asked him about it and he says he is just bored and innocently texting woman whom he has no intention of meeting. I told him I dont approve and dont like the idea of him giving out his phone number. I did search his cell phone and found he has been texting a woman talking about his relationship desires, etc. All the things he says he has with me. What do I do? Do I delete his dating site account? Do I contact this woman and tell her he is in a relationship? Need some good advise as to how I should handle this situation.


Nicky 4 years ago

im going through the same exact thing! except ive only just found out about it coz he got a scare from an ex friend of ours!! i cheated on him in 2007 yes i know it was wrong and i have been making up for it ever since ( i only kissed someone tho) but im not making excuses for it ive only ever been with my partner so i guess ppl make 1 mistake and believe me it will never happen again! anyway 3 yrs after i did it he began talking to a slapper on the popular social networking sight he too made me aware that it was an ex from school it felt funny and yes i had a problem with it but i let it go, until he started hiding it away changed his passwords i thought this is funny his excuse was he needs privacy lol anyway after alot of nagging he left walked out, it proper killed me when he left me thinking its all my fault does he deserve privacy anyway a week later we got back together and the texting and emails had stopped he deleted the social networking site all was well and we moved started a new life and all was bliss till a week ago when i found out he said it was her coming on to him but after all these yrs do i believe it! no truefuly i dont! everything we had i feel its all been a lie im angry upset and betrayed but should i feel like this? knowing i did worse! i still dwell on what i did but im moving on from it how long do u actually punish yourself for 1 mistake? we went through another bad patch where he was messaging a girl from work too and all the bad feelings came back i confronted him because he was deleting them he said nothing is going on he said he was deleting them because she was ending her texts with kisses my thought was well tell her then!! anyway that has dissolved now her number isnt in the phone question is tho do i believe him and honestly i dont think i do and its killing me inside ive been with him for 13 yrs and have 2 kids i will never fall inlove again no man is worth it to me now :(


Jo1976 4 years ago

I notice my boyfriend started keeping his phone on silent, which he has never done. I knew it was wrong but I snooped into everything I could. Turns out a past girl he had a thing for had been messaging him, texting him, and e-mailing him. At first she goated him in asking for his assistance in a computer issue, then she became playful and he sent her some sex toy ad via e-mail. As I continued to be nosey I found an invite from him to her to meet him at a casino one Friday night when he told me he was going alone because he didn't want to be home during one of my girls nights. He never went that night, ended up staying home and being a complete jerk in front of my friends and family. I'm guessing "she" couldn't make it. Next I found a text from her saying "I know you have a girlfriend but if that means you're going to ignore my calls at least be a man and tell me." That is the last thing I found and it's been a few weeks. I haven't told him I know anything because other than knowing he's been communicating with her and was going to meet up with her I have nothing else. He's a computer guy so I'm sure he is covering his tracks very well. I'm so confused and can't stop thinking about it. Any advise?


Caron Thomson 4 years ago

Hi there I need help iv been married for 8 years but for past 3 years iv been very unhappy at home but for the past 3 years iv liked a guy but he has got a girl friend I'm confused we tex everyday and he has told me he fancies me too . I think I mite even be fallin for him I don't no what to do no more I'm crazy about him but not sure how he feels towards me I only hope we can be together one day please help


Caron Thomson 4 years ago

Hi there I need help iv been married for 8 years but for past 3 years iv been very unhappy at home but for the past 3 years iv liked a guy but he has got a girl friend I'm confused we tex everyday and he has told me he fancies me too . I think I mite even be fallin for him I don't no what to do no more I'm crazy about him but not sure how he feels towards me I only hope we can be together one day please help is it cheatingl


clarknancy01 4 years ago

Caron Thomson, I had fights with my husband lots of time co'z of your type, if your unhappy in your marriage talk to your husband instead of trying to steal somebody's else's happiness, we been living together for 6 years...married for 2 years, I forced him to stop contacting with his old high school female friends just because they develop feelings for him, we woman love to have a man that listens to our problems, we are selfish, we like to control what we have, once we develop feelings for a man we ignored the part if he's married or already have a girlfriend, I have never met a man that got soooo many female friends like my husband and I have forced him to stop talking to 8 so far or I'm walking out the door, I was ok with the fact he talks to them at first but I have notice my husband is very naive he can't tell when them bitches flirts with him,when I first got with him I ask him why these women always call for advice? he said its because he listens.....pissed me off, Well I was ok with that until these bitches starts telling him how horney and looney they r, their friendship has opened doors that should't been opened, thats when I make my move I send them a text on their phone cuss their horney ass off & introduce myself as his girlfriend at the time, these females were high school friends so they went tell on me to other ppl that in still in contact with my boyfriend (now husband) at the time, to let him know what I just did to them lol, they r something else....they have NO IDEA i text them right in front of him, we got married and now he found one high school female friend online so they share cell & email plus Facebook and it did't bother me coz he told me everything plus she's married with two kids just like us, U see I draw a line between my husband and these bitches, once they cross it...GAME OVER thats when I step in and cut all ties & cuss them out, if they r married I will contact the husband and tell him to control his wife before I kiss her ass, This is my life & my Rules, Well this friend of his talks to him about her and her husband getting a divorce co'z he treats her like shit she unhappy, that was ok until 3 weeks later she starts texting hy husband non stop smiley faces every time before she calls to talk to him co'z she's bored, she is 30 years old acting like a 16 year old.....she was desperate for attention like our dog, thats when I step in send her a private massage & her husband, I forced my husband to blocked her ....change his cell number & delete all his email address he gave her, NIP IT IN THE BUTT, one thing his old female friends don't understand about their friend I married is the fact I got him wrap around my finger lol, its my way or the high way, he's a good looking guy and always sweet to emotional chicks his sister told me when they were still young a lot of girls came ask he to sleep over with her at their house when they r not friends just so they can get closer to my husband back in the days......my advice is Caron you should put yourself in the other woman's shoes, r u gonna be ok if someone snatch your man away from u? talk to your husband & respect the married vows


Caron Thompson 4 years ago

But I mite be in love with him is texting cheating


kayecandles profile image

kayecandles 4 years ago

Carin-what makes you think you'd be happier with the guy texting you, and he might be doing it just to get an ego boost for himself. Don't waste your time and do not break up a marriage or two because of being unhappy-talk to your husband, try to resolve issues before creating a bigger one.

http://hubpages.com/technology/Facebook-Affairs...


Caron thomson 4 years ago

Is it cheating


Cat jonhson 4 years ago

Yeah hunni it's cheating do what makes you happy tho because you get one life live it


Cat jonhson 4 years ago

Yeah hunni it's cheating do what makes you happy tho because you get one life live it


Nightmare 4 years ago

My wife and I were married for over 2 years and everything was going very nice. She kept texting to some one ad I asked who it was. She told me it her friend from work and she stored his ex boyfriends number with her friends name. I was under the impression that she is taking to her friend. But then I was curious why his her girl friend from work texting her good morning and good night after I saw a txt at night when she was sleeping. I started to dig And fould she had been cheating behind my back. First it started with texting then they met few time. I spoke to her and she promised me that she was side tracked and now things are better. But I still can't forget and it's been over a year it's comes back to me. Trust is one thing you should never break in marriage.


clarknancy01 4 years ago

Nightmare....Like I said, it starts out as friendship & that friendship opened doors that shouldn't been opened.....just like texting....that will open another door you see what happen with that Caron up there who's ask if texting is cheating??? that door has open lol, you have to be a man and put your foot down, I love my husband BUT the day he cheats its OVER....once a cheater always a cheater


KELLY 4 years ago

Just been through the same. its an addiction. They need help or youll get hurt and hurt and hurt .


Still Feeling the Pain 4 years ago

This is for every last person asking if it is wrong for the other part of their coupling to be texting, having phone calls, emailing, fb-ing, social networking of any kind, etc a person of the other sex.

YES it is!


Caron 4 years ago

Do u mean it is cheating ?


Confused and Angry 4 years ago

Earlier this week my husband was up very late having sexual conversations on FB with an ex from years and years ago. I had some suspicions something was going on as I'd seen earlier on his FB messages to her that said "I can't stop thinking about U." He'd always been pretty open about staying logged into his account. However, this message sent up a red flag and after he didn't come to bed and fell asleep on the couch, I decided to do a little checking. He was still logged in to his FB account and in the morning I read much of the 4-hour plus conversation that he had with this woman (who is also married). It seemed to start off innocently, but then quickly changed to flirting and then very sexual comments, including discussions on when they might be able to meet in person. I believe too that they exchanged graphic photos of each other, but he had cleared these off his phone by the time I had a chance to check. The conversation stated that she could trust him as his phone number was very secure and private. I confronted him later the next day. He said it was the first time this had happened with this ex and that it was just talk. Just something that gave him a thrill. Some background on us, we have been married for 13 years and together 17 years. Plus we have 2 children and another due any day. He says he wouldn't ever want anyone else and that I'm all he wants and needs. He says it is almost like he is two people. He feels different with me than when he was sexting. I told him to me it is cheating and I feel betrayed and I don't know how to trust him again. I want to work it out but don't know where to begin. He said nothing physical would ever come from this and I mostly believe that. This ex is over 500 miles away. Not sure what to do now. He still seems to feel it isn't that big of a deal. I'm heartbroken and find myself depressed - something I've dealt with the last few months with my pregnancy. But now it is worse. I am anxious, near tears often, and have little interest in eating, though I'm doing it for my baby. I am incredibly sad as I'll be going through labor any day and want to be able to count on my husband to be there for me. I know that soon I will be lost in the first few months of taking care of a newborn and even sleep deprived. Also, I noticed through another email account that we used to share that he changed the password to his regular email account. Plus he hid his phone the other night in a drawer which I came across when putting laundry away. How can I make him understand how big a deal this is?


Painful.... 4 years ago

Sorry for my English, its not my main language here.

Caron Thomson, please stop that!!! It always comes from texting, fb-ing, chatting, messenger-ing,etc, and usually end up in bed. Maybe you have no idea how hard is that for your husband.

After 10th years of our marriage, I finally found that my wife did that, or still doing that i don't know.

It's 4 months now from the 1st time I knew about it. Forgive, lie, forgive, lie, again n again... I dont know whether I could totally forgive her. Now I know, she text / email / send pics etc, even on our vacations thousand miles from home...

While Im busy preparing vacation for our 10th anniversary, at the same time she's busy too texting with another guy.

Really2 painful for me, nightmare...


Sue barns 4 years ago

U should do wot makes u happy


Ms.confused 4 years ago

Ive been with my boyfriend for 5 yrs. we have a son together. he was woking offshore when he confided in this other women,he claims to this day nonthing happened but at the same time got phone reports of both of them consistantly texting 2weeks strait sometimes all night. whats eating away at me is what could they have been talking about?(please I need some input!when he would return home he would still show me love and affection! please help Im so confused!!


Aida 4 years ago

Yes,it is cheating !


angelica 4 years ago

I hold you all in my prayers, and hope you all find it in your hearts to do the right thing.GO WITH YOUR INNER FEELINGS, God bless xxxx


Levertis Steele profile image

Levertis Steele 4 years ago from Southern Clime

Not all secrets are revealed. Many cheaters are getting away with it while unsuspecting spouse are in the dark. Little do they know that the green grass on the other side is bitter gall waiting to to be ingested. then, it will begin its job of destruction.

If you divorce, sue the other woman for alienationation of affection. She will remember you.


WOW 4 years ago

Let me put a Ca-bosh on all your comments and opinions! If You are doing it and you can't tell your husband/wife the its wrong and you know it! If they know and have asked you to stop and you still do it you are cheating! Its a pure betrayal of trust in a relationship. To relate to one another means to RELATE and understand one another! Therefore when you harm and decide yourself not to RELATE with your spouse you are negatively demolishing what you have built and hurting someone else without regards to their feelings.


4 years ago

My husband claims that he made a friend and it's not cheating. I say why do you need a female friend. He said she is just a coworker friend but all his other coworkers dont text back and forth. Plus he has a work phone, she should not even have his personal phone. Also, he deleted all the text so I know he is hiding something.


NiMc29 3 years ago

I need to vent and to hear some advice.

My husband and I have only been married for 1 year. Keep in mind he works and lives out of town during the week and is only home on weekends. He does not try to find a job close to home and he does not want me to quit my job to find one where he has a job. He promises me that he has always been faithful to his past GFs and he will always be faithful to me. Well Now! I was out of work for a while due to surgery. I kept noticing he was very protective over his phone. I got suspicious and I looked at his text messages. Come to find out he had been texting a woman for a very long time and never told me. Then I thought maybe I should check his FB messages. Yep! There they were. I found out that he was telling that woman that her pictures were sexy and talking to her through private messages there. He was even talking to her while I was having surgery. But it gets worse. I also found where he was talking to one of his old female friend that lives about 10 minutes away from where he works and lives during the week. They had been talking on the phone, texting and private messages on FB since before we got married. He had never told me. I knew both of these women were his friends on FB book but I personally know the first one and never would have thought they were talking like that and the second one he told me was his cousin. I never knew he was calling, texting or private messaging either one. I also have caught him during the night, on the weekend, watching Porn videos. When I confronted him about all of this, he told me that I was reading too much into this and I was crazy and it is all in my head. He gets angry because I have trouble trusting him. He tells me he is going to hang out with one of his male friends during the week while he is out of town during the week. I am not sure what I should do. I do know that I have trouble trusting him.


jen 2 years ago

So my husband have done the sextexting since the first week we hook up. Often I cry about it even told him I would leave him nothings change except that now he is more careful at hiding it. But see I'm a bitch! If it's his thing and he can't stop I have to stop victimize myself about it so now I do it too! But not with strangers with some of his friends! And I don't hide it I don't lock my phone and I leave my computer open. Hoping that one day he will see it and than understand how much pain it can be.


SOSO 2 years ago

I HAVE CAUGHT MY FIANCE ON CHAT LINES FOUR TIMES ALREADY SENDING TEXT MESSAGES TO WOMEN AND ALSO PICTURES OF HIS BODY PARTS I TOLD HIM HOW I FELT THE LAST TIME HE SAID HE WOUD STOP AND THEN I FOUND OUT HIS DOING IT AGAIN HE ALSO GOES ON PORN WEB SITES AND CHAT WITH WOMEN THERE HE HAS ALL THESE EMAILS I HAVE NO CLUE ABOUT HE SAYS ITS MY FAULT BEACUSE I TALK TO ALL THESE GUYS WHICH IS NOT TRUE PLEASE HELP


Gg 2 years ago

I just found out that my husband has been texting a friend for the last year or some days it went on from 6:30 in the morning till 12 at night. I had asked him a couple of months ago if he had heard from this particular person and he said no. I was a little surprised as she was going on vacation with our family. I cam home one night and was going to check my minutes and saw that he had been texting her and my daughter constantly. I do not know what the text say but was very upset because I had just asked him before if he had heard from her. When I confronted him he said he did not tell me cause he knew I would be mad. No I was terribly hurt. Then I started to check our bill each day to see if they were still texting. and they were. Now all of a sudden I cannot see their numbers when I pull up our billing information. I am wondering how he has made it possible that their numbers do not show up when they text.


notworth 21 months ago

My husband thinks that just because he has history with his female friend that it makes it okay for them to text all the time at all hours of the day. To make matters worse, he continues to make sexual remarks to her to get a reaction out of her so that she will admit his attraction towards her as no longer a joke. A majority of the men in the world are pigs!! The few that remain honest, tried, and true have been ruined by cheating females.


Sarah 20 months ago

!!! How To Get Your husband Back & Avoid Divorce !!!

My name is Sarah am from Texas, am a woman who love and cherish my husband more than any other thing you can imagine on earth continent. My husband was so lovely and caring after 3years of marriage he was seriously ill and the doctor confirm and said he has a kidney infection that he needed a kidney donor, that was how I start searching for a good Samaritan who can help,doctor has given me a periodic hour that he will live just 26hours left, that was how I ask the doctor if I can be of help to my husband that was how he carried out the text,the confirming was successful, I was now having this taught that since 3 years now we got married I have not be able to get pregnant can I be able to get bring again? That was the question I ask the doctor, he never answer his response was did you want to lost your husband? I immediately reply no I can't afford to loose him. After the operation my husband came back to live and was healthy I was also ok with the instruction given to me by the doctor, after 3months my husband came home with another lady telling me, that is our new wife that will give us kids and take care of us, that was how I was confused and started crying all day, that was how my husband ran away with his new wife cluaralle. Since then I was confuse don't no what to do that was how I went back to the doctor and tell him everything, he told me that, this is not just an ordinary it must be a spiritual problem that was how he gave me this email (freedomlovespell@hotmail.com) that I should tell her all my problem that she can help that was how i contacted her and I do as instructed. After 3days and I have done what she ask me to do, my husband start searching for me and went back to the doctor, that was how we well settle she also told me not to worry that I will get pregnant, this month making it the fifth Month I contacted her am now 3months pregnant. These great spell cater is a great man, if you are any kind of problem you can contact him here on his email (freedomlovespell@hotmail.com) website address: freedomlovespelltemple.yolasite.com


heartbroken 19 months ago

Being in a relationship for 2 years I found out today that my partner is texting every day too 3 woman. My heart is so sore I am a very committed person and I hate this. but I don't want to sound like a jealous girlfriend. I am turning 60 and he is 63. What do I do about it. Please assist me. My number is 0837008332.


kpoprubba 19 months ago

For me finding out my husband was texting another woman just shattered my trust. I used to think he was such a nice and great guy. I never in my mind ever suspected him of even considering another woman. Then he admitted to me he had been texting and chatting with another woman. The app he was using is similar to snapchat so I couldn't see their texting history. When I saw her I delete her without telling him while he was in the bathroom. Several minutes later I saw he readded her and called her "baby." That is our name for eachother. It really hurt me he could call that woman our pet names. I was so disgusted with him. He promised me he ended it-- and I was keeping tabs on him (not major stalking but just checking up every once in a while) everytime I check my heart pounds. Then one day I saw him internet history and saw he was searching for her on facebook and found her twitter account - funny that day he reactivated an old twitter account he never told me about, but I saw. Wow my trust I was slowly building was shattered once again. Who is this guy? He is completely different from the guy I thought I knew. I feel now he is just plotting and scheming. I don't know what comes out of his mouth is true or not. That day he was searching for her online was the same day he told me he was a good guy and never hurt me again and made a sad face like he felt so bad about that situation. Who is this duplicitous guy? So warm and cuddly with me telling me how much he loves me and then the next moment seeking out that woman AGAIN after he told me he would never do that kind of thing ever again. I just don't know. I always loved him so much and trusted him completely... now I am suspicious of every single thing he says. It's such a burden to live with. I want to love my husband totally and completely, but if I feel this other woman, or other women are always on his mind... I don't want to love him deeply.

That day I found out he was texting another woman he even told me "maybe we are just better as good friends." Then a few moments later "Baby I need you, I love you." I thought we should only be friends?? He changed like the wind and his heart is so unpure. Whether I am mad and angry at him... or loving or affectionate with him at least my heart never changed, never waivered for a second. He waivers constantly.


bella rossy 17 months ago

hi im bella. i had a problem with my ex who cheated on me but i asked a friend to help me cause he's really good at hacking . all he asked for was my ex's cell number. just tell him isabella referenced you and he'll help.


bella rossy 17 months ago

hi im bella. i had a problem with my ex who cheated on me but i asked a friend to help me cause he's really good at hacking . all he asked for was my ex's cell number. just tell him isabella referenced you and he'll help.


pacheermom 17 months ago

My husband of 14 years recently told me he came across his ex fiance on social media. I have been having female issues so we have not been intimate in 2 months. Also being on different meds for it my moods were all over and he didnt understand it and started to ignore me.He was with her for 2 years. He started telling me that shes a nurse and that shes getting divorced. Before this I havent heard her mentioned since we first met and were talking about our past. I was looking up on the computers history for a recipe I had found and noticed they have been messaging back and forth. There are nights hes on the computer instead of being at our daughters sports games or out in living room with us. I was able to read a few of them and one she asked our daughters age the other was her apologizing for how she treated him while they were together. I asked him if there was something going on and he said no he will delete her. Well he did not delete her and has been messaging her still. I am unsure what to do?


Linda 15 months ago

My boyfriend and companion also did this many times. He would text all day long while at work to different girls and tell me they were just friends. I trusted this was the truth as how can you have a relationship if you can't trust each other, right? Wrong, he started not coming directly home from work or lied about his time he was done at work. He would be no where to be found! Always on his phone and told me it was his work buddies. I finally got suspicious and checked our phone bill. Sure enough the evidence was there. He texted or she texted him upon leaving work and then no text for about half hour to an hour and that was around the time he arrived home a text was sent to her again . And then all night until 2 am sometimes. He also was texting this one girl, told me to my face he loved her and asked me what should he do? I said chose you only can have one of us----he left ---- I heard later he had sex with her and he would be gone all day and half the night until finally he was home more! This is his house not mine so either I leave or stick it out! With no place to go, and because we have a daughter between us, I still stay in the same house but separate bedrooms . We seldom do anything as a family any more and he is again chatting with another lady. It doesn't end. My plan? Stay as long as I can, share the house expense, and eventually find another place to live!


MARIAN 15 months ago

MY NAME IS MARIAN,I promise to share this testimony all over the world once my husband return back to me, and today with all due respect i want to thank DR.UDENE for bringing joy and happiness to my relationship and my family. I want to inform you all that there is a spell caster that is real and genuine. I never believed in any of these things until i loosed my boyfriend,I required help until i found DR.UDENE a great spell caster, And he cast a love spell for me, and he assured me that I will get my husband back in two days after the spell has been cast. two days later, my phone rang, and so shockingly, it was my husband who has not called me for past 1 year now, and made an apology for the heart break,and told me that he is ready to be my back bone till the rest of his life with me. DR.UDENE released him up to know how much i loved and wanted him.And opened his eyes to picture how much we have share together. As I'am writing this testimony right now I'm the most happiest woman on earth and me and my husband is living a happy life and our love is now stronger than how it were even before our break up. So that's why I promised to share my testimony all over the universe .All thanks goes to DR.UDENE for the excessive work that he has done for me. Below is the email address in situation you are undergoing a heart break or any type of problem and I assure you that as he has done mine for me is going to do your own too you can contact the great man on UDENESOLUTIONSPELL@GMAIL.COM OR YOU CAN CALL HIS CELL PHONE ON +2348161132988


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john 12 months ago

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Virgie 12 months ago

Nice piece ! I was fascinated by the specifics ! Does anyone know if my business can get a fillable 2012 IRS 941-X form to fill in ?


Reynaldo Rivas 12 months ago

Hey Virgie, I found a blank fillable ”2012 IRS 941-X form” here: http://goo.gl/WsVJ6t


DoveFreexrolo 5 months ago

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Jason 5 months ago

Well I think it's cheating too,because if your married you shouldn't be texting another male friend!! This is going on in my marriage,I've been married 20 years to my wife and I caught my wife in several lies,she told me one of her patients ask her if he gave her 45.00 if she would pay his phone bill,because he didn't have a bank card,so she told me and I didn't think nothing about it ,but then when I checked my bank statement I noticed a lot of 45.00 charges to metro pcs,and I asked her well do you pay it every month,and ND she got mad and said it was a friend she was helping out!! Well she lied to me and shes been paying his phone bill and text him every day and i mean from 5am til 2am every day,I check my mobile bill daily and she texts him about 30 to 40 times every day,and she said he's only a friend and lives out of state.This is crazy and has caused a lot of stress in our marriage,because when I text her she says she can't text me from work,but I look at our bill and she'll text him at least every hour,so is this normal for your wife to think of a male friend more than her husband.


AshelyRosalinda 5 weeks ago

[…] robinso.buckler @ yahoo . com: Helped to bring My Ex-Husband back with his spiritual power […]

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    Is texting cheating?

    Is texting inappropriately to others of the opposite sex while in a commited relationship cheating?

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