Is it Fair to Blame the 'Other Woman' When a Man Cheats on His Wife?

Blaming the Other Woman


Blaming the 'Other Woman'

Why do People Blame the Other Woman ?
So, why do people ultimately blame the other woman? In this article we are focusing on husbands cheating on wives, but this could also apply to wives cheating on husbands. However, for the purpose of this article, we will be referring to the ‘other woman’ rather than the ‘other man’. So, what is the reason why in the end the other woman gets the blame? One of the reasons why people blame the other woman is because they say that men are weak. The woman should know better, she shouldn’t pursue a married man. However, if the man is married and is committed to the woman he is married to, he should be able to resist temptation. Entering into a full blown affair willingly without sparing a thought for the wife at home, is something that the man decided to do. It takes two, no woman can actually force a man into an affair.
Therefore, why does the woman often get the blame for ‘causing’ the affair? A lot of the time, the man does not want to be seen as the ‘bad guy’ in the situation so he thinks of every possible excuse to explain why the affair happened in the first place. The woman wouldn’t leave me alone, she kept pursuing me, she wouldn’t stop ringing me, she wouldn’t stop texting me, she wouldn’t stop emailing me. In situations like this, this is my response, If she wouldn’t stop pursuing you that would imply that you actually gave her your telephone number in the first place. That would imply that you gave her a signal that you were available in the first place. Obviously there are different scenarios, and you can’t just generalise when it comes to things like this. However, the married man took the vows, he should make sure he does whatever it takes to protect his marriage. This should include, not giving out his number to strange women, this should also include making sure that old friends and even old girlfriends understand that he is committed and dedicated to his wife.

Why Does the Woman Blame the other Woman?
The wife often blames the other woman because she cannot accept that her husband would so willingly deceive her like that. She would rather accept and believe the lies that he tells her because she doesn’t want to face the fact that her man made a conscious decision to have an affair behind her back. She would rather be angry with the other woman and blame her for the infidelity instead of focusing on her husband and remembering that he took vows to remain faithful, but instead her broke them for his own selfish gain.

Do I believe that the other woman should be blamed? I think it really depends on the circumstances. However, ultimately it takes two, no man has an affair on the basis of duress. Men usually have an affair because they want to, there is no other reason. There might be problems in the marriage, they might feel neglected by their wives etc, but at the end of the day, they decided to have an affair because they wanted to have an affair. If the other woman knows that this man is married, then should she leave him alone. However, in some cases the man actually pursues the woman. They both decide to have an affair, they both decide to live a life of deceit. However, the married man is the one who has the responsibility to remain faithful to his wife.

Ultimately Who should Get the Blame?
The blame should be placed on both parties, the other woman, and the other man. Depending if the other woman actually knows he is married in the first place. Because in some cases the man pretends to be single, sometimes the man even lies to the other woman and says that his marriage is on the rocks, and that they sleep in separate beds etc. Which is often enough just a way of luring the woman into the affair. I think if two people want to be together and one party is married, they should do it the proper way and wait until the marriage is fully over before pursuing a relationship. This can be easier said than done in most cases but it would essentially prevent months and or years of sneaking around, lies, deceit and heartache.
I recently read this amazing book called Adultery by Paulo Coelho. The book explores the reasons why people have affairs, it explores the whole notion of happiness and what it truly means to be happy. You can grab a copy of the book below. Also, if you are interested in this topic of true happiness in relationships, you should watch the Australian series ‘The Beautiful Lie’ it explores these themes and delves deep into the idea of the ultimate punishment for committing adultery.

Adultery by Paulo Coelho

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Comments 2 comments

dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 14 months ago

"One of the reasons why people blame the other woman is because they say that men are weak." - I think your statement really sums it up!

Many women look at men as though they are "helpless fools" who are easily manipulated. I suspect it's one of the reasons why some women look down upon women who dress provocatively in short/short skirts, low cut tops, no bra, or whatever. They're not mad at their man for looking as much as they are at the woman drawing his attention!

The underlying feeling is that woman is a threat to their relationship and she knows damn well what she is up to. In part because of this viewed (threat) we have a double standard. Oftentimes it is (women) that will go on the attack when they see other women for having a promiscuous reputation, dressing provocative, or appearing flirtatious in the company of men.

They're ready to have the man sit the kids table while they have a "woman to woman" discussion.

Secondly I believe whomever you're "emotionally invested" in is the person you're likely going to (look for a way) to forgive. This is especially true if the "other woman" is a complete stranger. No one likes having anyone {take something} out of their hands. The longer the relationship has lasted the more difficult it is for the woman to just "walk away" and let the "other woman" have her man. Pride keeps one from wanting to "lose" in such battles.

This is even true when the woman has made up her mind that she no longer plans to keep the guy! She just doesn't want this woman feel like she "beat her". Ego is a tough enemy to overcome.

On the other hand if the "other woman" is a friend, sister, cousin, co-worker or any woman who knowingly knew the guy was her man it's all the more harder for some women to simply "step aside" because it's a "double betrayal". There is still this belief that "good men" are hard to find and if a woman feels as though she has one she will be very upset if the "other woman" is someone she knows. Essentially the other woman was too lazy to find her own man and went out to seduce her man.

Naturally as you stated it takes (two). The man who cheats does so by choice. No one put a gun to his head. He was the one who made promises to his significant other or possibly exchanged wedding vows.

If the "other woman" had no way of knowing he was married or in a relationship she is just as innocent as the woman he betrayed!

And yet many women will automatically call her a "B" or a "hoe".

That's just wrong!

intriguewriter profile image

intriguewriter 14 months ago from worldwide Author

Thank you for your very insightful, detailed comment. It seems we are pretty much on the same page with this. I was compelled to write this article because of a situation I recently found myself in and I realise how desperate women are to prove that other woman is indeed a "B" or a "hoe". It is so hard for women to just accept that their man was in the wrong, the man invited this other woman into their relationship, the woman, he made that choice to pursue a relationship outside his current relationship. Like you said, no one put a gun to his head.

Thank you once again for your detailed comments, I am enjoying reading them. If you are interested in the topic of adultery, you should go online and watch this series called The Beautiful Lie. Its an Australian drama, you can watch it on you will probably like it. Check it out! This is to Dashingscorpip xxx

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