Is open relationship an act of sexual infidelity?

Is open relationship a sexual infidelity?

What is an open relationship?

Friends, I searched and researched the definition of open relationship in many dictionaries around the online world and when I compared and compiled them together, I found this definition, "an open relationship is a relationship between 2 people in which both people are free to engage in sexual activities or simply speaking sex with other partners."

What is infidelity?

Infidelity is a violation of the mutually agreed upon rules and regulations of a relationship and is considered to be as a breach of faithfulness in interpersonal relationships or in more simple words, unfaithfulness to a sexual partner such as spouse.

So what do you think after reading this definition that the concept and definition of open relationship and infidelity ends here. No, it is not only this, I have something different in my mind which I have thought and thought over several times in the last 3 years. Thanks to the hubber who has put on this request, as I am very much interested in this topic. I am going to explain my view on open relationship and open relationship is sexual infidelity or unfaithfulness or not in the sentences below.

Open relationship is the one, when you do not depend on one lover but remain free to love. It is about getting freedom from your own insecurities. It is an opportunity to experience the love, which makes you free from the bondage of miseries and agonies of life. However, this term can also be misinterpreted as infidelity, but in my understanding, open relationship is the deepest form of committed relationship, involving thorough respect for your partner, without any intention to exploit them. Only those who are masters of their own emotions and feel no need to depend on anyone else can enter into open relationship. Open relationship is about relations with your partner spiritually, when you respect him/her so much that you feel no need to cling, possess, or manipulate.

It is definitely not one night stand, as anyone feeling sexually driven can never truly respect his partner and hence can not relate to his/her soul.

There are many people out there who claim to be in open relationship are just exploiting this concept for their own selfish motivations.

It is very difficult to be in an open relationship because human beings have their own fears and they need someone to cling to. They want to possess their lover, as it appears that they cannot exist without them. When such a possession exists, it is impossible to love someone truly.

True open relationship is based on true love. It continues until the fragrance of love exists and truly causes the lovers to evolve with each other. Then, a time comes when their coevolution is over and that is the time, they should say thanks to each other and move away on their individual path with deep gratitude. Normal love relationship/marriage have to be dragged on, even if they have lost the fragrance and they often become the stumbling block to your own evolution path. Open relationship can work wonders, as it can give real boost to one's creativity, as lovers become one and begin to tap into the ultimate creative source of life. When the relationship has lost fragrance, it is no more creative, as both the partners are just playing manipulating games with each other.

When the relationship is truly loving, great souls have a chance to descend in this world. Hence the chances are that children conceived in the moments of true love will be highly spiritual self and hence they will fill the life of their parents and the whole world with beauty and divinity.

Beautiful relationships are never understood by society and here is no hope in future also. Why? Because human minds are always manipulative and authenticity is so difficult to be understood and appreciated. Hence, we should stop to bother about society and begin to think about living a beautiful life, which makes us evolve spiritually.

Current structure of relationships is mostly defined by marriage and it has only served to turn humans into deep sadness. Only purpose marriage serves is that it is stable and hence provide security. Hence until human beings remain scared of life, marriage will survive.

Can you experience divine love in marriage? Off course you can. Nothing stops you from that. But, first, you have to stop possessing each other and relate to each other spiritually and not as husband and wife. Spouse is the relationship, which is dictated by social norms and it has nothing divine into that. So that label of husband/wife has to be dropped, if lovers rally want to experience divinity. One need to dive into the bliss of soul and this will take one away from the insecurities of mundane life.

True love is eternal and it is not about clinging. When the love reaches its peak, lover becomes part of you and then there is no need to be together. I have often seen that when the love reaches the true peak, lovers depart. Why? Because in true love there is freedom. When both the lovers have learned their lessons from each other and have reached the peak of ecstasy, there is no need to be together after that. And hence they depart. But this departure is totally different form departing after dissatisfactions and possession. When the lovers depart after reaching the climax, they have immense gratitude for each other and possession simply melts. Very often it happens that when lovers have reached this state, their relationship transforms and they reach a higher state of relatedness. Then, they can be true friends, or even like brother, sister, father, daughter, mother, son.

When the love is based on infatuation or fever of passion, the departure is very painful, as one remains dissatisfied with what one got. There is always a feeling, that he/she wanted more. Any relationship based on pure physical motives will always remain dissatisfactory and hence end in disputes, while the relationships based on spiritual connection will always end up in deep gratitude.

Similarly one can do nothing with the manipulation games. This is how the mind exists, and you can do nothing about it. Only way is to go beyond the mind and begin to live in the spirit. Mind is darkness. Spirit is light. When one lives in spirit, the darkness of mind is automatically dispelled and the love based on spirit is always unconditional.

Both the partners also need to be very aware of the spells of darkness, when they want to use each other for their own selfish motive. In those moments, they should remember the moments of true love and the bliss it provided them. As soon as the bliss evaporates and they enter into agony, they should know that mind games have begun again.

Some people search for the secret of divine sex, let me explain it to you.

"Sex which integrates, body, mind and soul directs you to divinity".

Yes, it requires a lot of work on oneself. It requires one to realize his holistic existence of body, mind and soul. When one lives in this way, he/she begins to realize that he /she is the true source of her own happiness and sadness. When we realize ourselves as the source of ecstasy and agony, we become centered and begin to have access to true love. Until we continue to feel that someone else can make us happy we continue to face disappointments in life. When we get centered within ourselves, that is, when we have the access to the source of divine sex.

One can be infidel only till one has discovered the true soul mate. And if one has not discovered the soul mate, what is the point of fidelity also, as this cannot give true joy.

When one feels the connection of soul, he is transported into a whole different world and all the wandering ends.

True soul mate will lead you to the divine experience, the purity. This is beyond desire and guilt. Desire is not the motive for sex with soul mate. True soul mates ride on the pure energy, which leads them to truth.

Until you are being motivated by desire and guilt, soul has not manifested. Being split is the experience of mind, which is a block to the soul experience.

It is true that only those who are not the beggars for love can get into open relationship. Those who hanker for security, have the compulsion to possess. On the contrary, open relationship is about freedom and love without being dependent. It is about the joy of giving and letting go of expectations.

It is natural to have spiritual connection with more than one person.

In different lifetimes, we meet different lovers and that creates unresolved karma and at some of them appear in each lifetime and hence the attraction for many. However, for one to remain with you for long, needs a huge backlog from past to be resolved and if such a backlog in not there, lovers will move away quickly.

At last, I would say that open relationship in not an act of sexual unfaithfulness or infidelity, but is a deep relationship which some people out there cannot understand and are abusing this term for their own sake.

Whatever you want to say, it is your choice.

Is open relationship an act of sexual infidelity?

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Books on how to create and sustain open relationships

Comments 33 comments

TheMoneyGuy profile image

TheMoneyGuy 8 years ago from Pyote, TX

Great Hub!


soni2006 profile image

soni2006 8 years ago from New Delhi, India Author

Thanks moneyguy for the comment.


pankaj3625 profile image

pankaj3625 7 years ago from Delhi

Yes open relationship is an act of sexual infidelity. Thanks for the answer.


soni2006 profile image

soni2006 7 years ago from New Delhi, India Author

You are welcome Pankaj.


Liz 7 years ago

I have always loved being in open relationships. I have felt that they have been the most passionate relationships that I've ever been in ... until recently. I'm stumped. I've been dating this guy openly for about 8 months. The past 3 months have been awesome. Suddenly, I realized ... due to a conversation that we had, that I am not okay with him sleeping with someone else and then sleeping with me. I do not want him to put me at danger or risk of giving me something he got from someone else. I have not been sleeping with anyone else. I am so confused. How do I move this from our wonderful, passionate, open-relationship to a committed one?


soni2006 profile image

soni2006 7 years ago from New Delhi, India Author

Liz. According to me, a committed relationship is a better one and lasts longer and there are no chances of getting something because if there both partners are loyal to each other, the relationship will be smooth. Small fights are always there in love but if love is strong enough, you will forget these fights and believe me, you can love only one person not 2, 3, or more because according to me that is not love but is infactuation or what we say lust.

So I am not confused at all as I always believe in maintaining one relationship with one partner with whom I share all my thoughts and secrets.

By the way, thanks for sharing your views.


upnorth 7 years ago

No two people will view this the same way, not terribly unlike any subject matter.

In my relationship with my fiancee (even though neither of us are really dying to marry~life experiences leave doubts)I recommend she sees other men. If she wants to then she does and if not then not, but in the past 7 years she's had a couple dozen other partners (mostly safe sex) and 2 of them were outright relationships. For me personally I don't see other women, personal preference.

There is a tiny element of ownership that has seemed to carry throughout generations. A viewpoint that I do not see fitting for anyone. I do not own my fiancee and vice versa, she's not an object to possess. Why should she not experience all life has to offer, whether it be emotional or physical? The toughest part was getting over jealousy initially, but even that was easy to overcome. No matter whom she may be with she ultimately comes home to our life together.

If you're an emotionally strong enough man/woman you can also live this way. The way the two of us state it is simple really, we're loyal to each other but do not require we be faithful. Loyalty and faithfulness may seem like one in the same, but really they're not.


soni2006 profile image

soni2006 7 years ago from New Delhi, India Author

Thanks upnorth for sharing your personal story and view about this issue but I think if a person like you is loyal to his partner, then that person should expect some faithfulness from the other. Your situation is not a win-win approach for many people in this world but you are unique and different.


dealing with infidelity 7 years ago

I think the problem with open relationships is often two fold. Whatever we may want or need from our relationships, commitment is often top of the list. Jealousy arising from "affairs" whether they arise from deception or a true open relationship is often difficult to deal with. It is part of the human condition but if both partners can accept that their own sexual needs are unlikely to be met from what they consider their primary relationship then they can work. It is dangerous territory though

stopbreakingup.com


soni2006 profile image

soni2006 7 years ago from New Delhi, India Author

This is the best comment I would say on this hub regarding sexual infedility and open relationships.


reeltaulk 7 years ago

Yes I agree that open relationships are for those that are not only mature, but know what it is to appreciate and respect the person that is in their life. Alot of times open relationship whether one wants to admit it or not is a convenience for both parties. A convenience that both parties agree on and are aware of. A true open relationship involves truth, honest expression as well as a main goal that both parties do reach---together. Two mature people coming together in the name of purpose and will stay together mentally and spiritually even though they may not remain a couple. As for infidelity I frown on those individuals who enter into a relationhsip with ulterior motives. Where there is no respect or no bonding has taken place. It is purely self motivated and usually has misery written all over it. God dammit what a waste as well as a way to destroy something that was meant to work in each other favor.

Vonda G. Nelson


soni2006 profile image

soni2006 7 years ago from New Delhi, India Author

Very nice view Ms. Vonda G. Nelson. I agree with what you have expressed in this comment.


legion 7 years ago

back to the definition: Infidelity (cheating) "is violation of mutually agreed upon rules" If you mutually agree that your personal rules allow you to be with other people sexually, you are not breaking those rules by having an open relationship "in which both people are free to engage in sexual activities". It is a simple matter of LOGIC and DEFINITION (objective), the problem arises when people come in with their OPINIONS and MORALS(subjective) which vary from person to person.

Quite simply if you agree to interact with someone be it in a romantic relationship or a card game, and you agree to certain rules be it that you can have sex with others or you may only have 7 cards in your hand at one time, playing by the rules is not cheating.

That aside, open relationships are not for everyone. They require great amounts of confidence, trust, communication, patience, compassion and energy to name a few. There is not a lot of support to be had from many monogamous minded people as they do not understand it, or understand it from an outside perspective. Perhaps similar to the way homosexuality is/was treated by the heterosexual community, ranging from outright hate and judgmental disdain to varying degrees of tolerance.


soni2006 profile image

soni2006 7 years ago from New Delhi, India Author

Legion, the expression of your views in this comment is realistic and practical. Open relationship is an act of sexual infidelity if there is no mutual agreement between the partners.


poetlorraine 7 years ago

i enjoyed reading this hub.... you always put so much information in your hubs, nice one


soni2006 profile image

soni2006 7 years ago from New Delhi, India Author

Thanks a lot poetlorraine. My idea is to fill each of my hub with info which is unique and in abundance.


poetlorraine 7 years ago

and you sure do that i can testify to it....


soni2006 profile image

soni2006 7 years ago from New Delhi, India Author

Definitely friend.


Melaman 7 years ago

I've literally been forced into open relationships by my wife because she refuses point blank to even sleep in the same bed as me. I don't approach her for love-making or sex anymore because she has said the world 'No' so many times, I think there's a Guinness World Record for just her now!

I hate my marriage, but unfortunately am in it for my son. Don't recommend leaving the marriage and seeing my son on weekends. The country I'm in doesn't work like that.

Don't get me wrong either...If my marriage was good, I'd never ever want to be with another, but the truth is, it's a terrible marriage.


soni2006 profile image

soni2006 7 years ago from New Delhi, India Author

I am really sorry for your marriage which has gone worse these days or might be long ago and I understand your problem and think that if I would have been on your side, I would have done the same. I admit just like food, clothing, and shelter, love, affection, and sex are also some basic needs which our body needs not only physically but psychologically also. I am not taking you wrong because any person, who would have undergone continuous denial and hatred just like what you have got, would look out for some other alternative or to be much more precise a "different relationship" which in today's world is called open relationship.

Kids are the most important things in our life when marriage has gone worse it is because they are the ones who remain a bonding between the two partners. When suspicion and hatred is involved in a marital relationship, responsibility towards kids becomes the most important thing. I am Melaman that after these intense conditions of yours, you are not looking for breaking up your relationship because of your son in which I am with you and think like you if it had been done to me.

Sometimes when time passes by, the bondage made by kids will become so strong that we will not be able to ever ever break our relationship. You are a very kind father friend because you are just thinking about your kid whose life will be ruined forever if you break up. Keep up the spirit. God is watching and will help and always remember there is always a ray of hope because every black cloud has a silver lining in the background.


wesleyacarter profile image

wesleyacarter 7 years ago

Melamen:

I think that it's important for you at this point to come to terms with what you want from a wife and start demanding it.

Staying together for the kids is very noble, but it can also be very toxic for your sense of self. Your wife may be sensing your reasons for staying in the relationship and using this against you to demand things that you don't want. She is not a happy wife and you do not have a happy life. The first step to changing this is to build the circumstances you want. She is as binded to what YOU want and you are to what she wants.

The silver lining in the message here is taking control of your destiny and making it known what makes you tick, spiritually, mentally, emotionally and physically. If she is not willing to take on the responsibilities of being your wife, then she doesn't deserve to be your wife. Using the kids to keep the relationship together can not only be toxic for them, but for the adults. It also doesn't necessarily present a model relationship for your kids to follow.

Here is a few options for fixing this problems.

1) Don't ask. Tell.

It sounds very simple, and in truth, it is once it is practiced on. Demand what you want and it will come to you. You have to know that you deserve it and your have to feel like the world owes it to you. And as your wife, so does she.

2) Don't be a victim.

You've put your wife in a position to expect nothing but victimhood from you. And that's what you sound like, a victim. It's time for you to turn the tables and declare dominance over your own destiny (not her). Simply stating plainly what you want, starting with mundane, everyday situations, will abolish the image of the victim that has been placed on your and change the dynamic in the relationship.

3) Find extra value

Another thing i think you need to do is build a value in yourself that may not be apparent to her at first. Take up a new hobby or a side-profession; something that will provide you with an extra value and an escape from feelings of inadequacy or loneliness. This leads back to the first thing i mentioned. That extra value perceived in you by not just yourself, but your wife, will give you room to make demands and leave her wondering how you've slithered out from underneath her boot.

The last thing a husband should feel is that he doesn't deserve what his wife has VOWED to give him. Step up and take control of your destiny. Declare what you want, let it be known, and hold yourself accountable as much as you hold your wife accountable.


Timmi 7 years ago

I feel it is the clarity of terms of a relationship that matters and this ought to be respected by people.Open relationship or whatever. Live and let others l i v e!!!!!!!


soni2006 profile image

soni2006 7 years ago from New Delhi, India Author

I think it depends on a person to person, what he/she wants to do with their personal matters. We can only share our thoughts and opinions but it is the person himself who has to take control of his/her destiny (get separated or live together) because we are not in their shoes and whatever situation a person is going by sometimes cannot be explained.

I am thankful to WesleyCarter for taking up this issue of Melaman and providing a different view and advice. Now, it is up to Melamen to keep doing the same thing he has been doing for his son's sake or to change his mind and think in another direction but at last I would say that a person should attempt to prevent severe circumstances such as divorce or mutual separation unless and until the water has not reached the throat level. After that, of course there is no option.


Jack 6 years ago

This is an interesting article and I do find that you views are very well thought out and this piece struck me as being both logical and, at the same time, very spiritual and soulful. I hope you'll agree with me when I say that this is a rare quality in an article or, indeed, any kind of thought process.

Now there are two things here that I wish to address. Number one: I did skim through some parts of the article so if I am mistaken here then forgive me but... you leave out the issue of consent. If both partners have consented to the relationship being open then I do not think that this is infidelity. Infidelity comes when one partner decides the relationship is open without the knowledge and consent of the other. So no, I do not think an open relationship is infidelity if this consent is gained.

Secondly: I do not think that one can place the love that is felt in an open relationship above that which is felt in a closed relationship. I think that in some cases that act of sacrifice of those sexual experiences with another person outside the relationship (or, indeed, the sacrifice of saying that sexual experiences may be had but with limits on those sexual experiences in some way- e.g. no oral sex for outside partners) can, indeed be just as beautiful. Saying to someone that they are all you really need and vice versa is an act of true love as much as saying that you can let someone go sometimes. I think both have their merits as systems but people are different, relationships are different.

I say that if both partners enter the situation with open eyes and are ok with whatever the situation is, then THAT is what is important. Love is love: with or without jealousy. Live and let live.


soni2006 profile image

soni2006 6 years ago from New Delhi, India Author

Hi Jack, regarding your first statement, "Infidelity comes when one partner decides the relationship is open without the knowledge and consent of the other. So no, I do not think an open relationship is infidelity if this consent is gained." I totally agree with your statement. I don't know if somehow I missed it.

But regarding your next statement, "I think that in some cases that act of sacrifice of those sexual experiences with another person outside the relationship (or, indeed, the sacrifice of saying that sexual experiences may be had but with limits on those sexual experiences in some way- e.g. no oral sex for outside partners) can, indeed be just as beautiful. Saying to someone that they are all you really need and vice versa is an act of true love as much as saying that you can let someone go sometimes.", brother this is an act of sexual infidelity according to me because by engaging in other intimate relationships with different partners, except doing oral sex is just like slapping a person on his/her face in an indirect way. Where is the love here? Your body and soul are not true to your partner, then how come it can be true love?" Also title of this article is "Is Open Relationship an act of Sexual Infidelity?" Now coming to viewpoints of different people, I agree with your statement.

Sorry to be too rude in my statement about love but I take it in this way and some people take it in the other way.

You are right "different individuals have different viewpoints on different situations".

Thank you so much Jack for leaving such an incredible comment and letting me know some more things about what different people think of this issue.


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 6 years ago

According the a definition from Wikipedia,

"Infidelity is a violation of the mutually agreed-upon rules or boundaries."

If two people have agreed it's ok to have sex with other people it's not cheating.

What constitutes cheating/betrayal is when a person promises to do one thing and "secretly" breaks the promise. Cheaters aren't honest. They either lie by deception, omission, or directly. Every couple defines their expectations for one another.


Supercellbaebe profile image

Supercellbaebe 5 years ago from LONDON

I couldn't function in a relationship, unless it was an open relationship. I would feel trapped, and tied to one person and would panic, I couldn't deal with that at all. Its just the way I am. But from day one I make any boyfriend I get aware that it WILL be an open relationship, or NO relationship.

I do not believe an open relationship is infidelity, because I still adore my partner, but I would grow not to love him, unless the freedom of an open relationship is there. The entrapment of a monogamous relationship would be crippling to me.

Brilliant hub xxx


colorsuz profile image

colorsuz 5 years ago from Ann Arbor, MI

Supercellbaebe: Your comment gave me a sigh of relief. I was feeling so abnormal about my current feelings (see below)

Great hub...a lot of insight here. Culture and convention also play a role in how people view these types of relationships. I was single for 4 years, and 4-5 months ago entered into an exclusive relationship that is causing an increasing amount of internal conflict. Today I told him that I need to try an open relationship. I tried an exclusive relationship (what he wanted), so it's only fair for him to give an open relationship a shot. Exclusivity is a kind of sexual possession in which your ability to choose is taken away. And that's is too much for me. I have had multiple anxiety attacks, and I haven't felt the same energy/feeling of being alive that I felt when I was single. I am perfectly capable of controlling myself physically. But my sex drive has significantly dropped because my boyfriend was all I was "allowed" to have. Just the idea is a turn off. It's like eating the same meal every day forever, or only being allowed to have one friend. One person can NEVER satisfy all of our needs--emotional, physical, etc...just think if your significant other didn't allow you to spend time with your friends....KILLER!

So...hopefully this situation works out better for me, we'll see


inkblot55 5 years ago

I can't argue with your logic. I too agree that an open relationship is not an act of infidelity. However, I am hesitant to agree with your statement that an open relationship constitutes the deepest and/or purest form of relationship. I dated a girl for three years. Sometime into the relationship I asked for an open relationship, a devastating blow to her. I went around and had a little bit of fun and it came back to bite me. Not only did I feel guilty after doing so, even though we had this arrangement, I also began to worry that she had found someone else. I had never been a commitment person so I figured it was what I needed to do at the time. After I came to the realization that an open relationship was not in fact what I wanted, I asked her to end the arrangement. She seemed relieved. She has since asked me to agree to opening our relationship once again. And I've got to be honest, it was VERY difficult for me. I guess it's just a taste of my own medicine. Be wary, because although I never thought I would mind the idea of her becoming intimate with other people even though I had, the thought of her being with another man actually caused a lot of internal turmoil. At the end of the day, even though I was the one who asked for the open relationship in the first place, I'm now terrified that things will never be the same. I don't know that I will ever be able to look at her the same way.

In short, while I agree that there is no set of rules that says an open relationship is "wrong," be careful about what you're getting yourself into. If you really care about your partner, you might not know how you will react to them sleeping with other people until it actually happens. And at that point, it could be too late.


naturalsolutions 5 years ago

Thumbs up to you, this is such a worth reading hub.


vickycole 4 years ago

My name is Victoria i am from United States, I was in a relationship with Ben and we loved and cherished ourselves for 3 good years and every thing was going on smoothly but February 14, 2012 a day i can call a lovers day we both had misunderstanding because i answered a call from a guy that is asking me out for a date but i refused,and he told me that the relationship is over and that he is fed up with me and i begged him because i love him so much but he refused me i was so down cast and i felt the world has come to an end for me but my friend told me about a spell caster that helped her sister out in getting her relationship back,a good job and favor in any of her endeavor but at first i was scared but i have to give this man a trial because i love Ben very much and i am not willing to loose him to any woman,so i ordered returning my love spell from this great spell caster that made me a happy woman again to say it all my ex came back to me with much love and a caring heart...i am testifying to this great spell caster The Great Esango Priest. if you need his help you can contact him on:esangopriest@gmail.com.


Nova-2 3 years ago

You mention One can be infidel only till one has discovered the true soul mate. And if one has not discovered the soul mate, what is the point of fidelity also, as this cannot give true joy.

When one feels the connection of soul, he is transported into a whole different world and all the wandering ends.

Does this imply that once you've found soul mate the search for other lovers ends? Does the search ever actually end or do you hold out for soul mate and any external relationships you build are deep connected and compassionate ones without sexual intimacy?


fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 2 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

Soni.....The only words I can think to say at this point are: You have succeeded in totally confusing me in terms of your own stance on "open" relationships.

Your hub appears to praise and glorify Open relationships, as you proceed to explain the many "benefits." However, your personal comments speak of adherence to the contrary. I'm sorry, but honestly....which is it for you?

I have no problem whatsoever with my own opinion. I will easily tolerate being labeled "UNenlightened," "Brain-washed," "Old-fashioned," "Bored & Imprisoned," or having "Backward-thinking!!"

One may call me what they must. I believe in self-respect and freedom of choice, love, fidelity & family. If and when I chose to be single and free, I did so with grace and dignity. If & when I chose to commit to a man in an exclusive relationship and evolve together as husband, wife, family & vows.....this is what I chose....nothing less, nothing more. My heart, my soul, my body and my Spirit cannot even begin to imagine the concept of "musical beds" for the express purpose of "sex", self indulgence, betrayal of my vows and love for my spouse.......

"Open marriage?" This is an oxymoron, plainly & simply.

For those who embrace this degrading lifestyle.....be blessed with strength and self-forgiveness.......So very sad.

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