It Shouldn't Become An Endurance Contest

Pulling In Opposite Directions?

My 100th Hub...

Writing during certain periods and stages of one’s life sometimes is difficult. At certain times, when your mind is cranking at 90 miles an hour, it becomes a challenge. Those times may be the best times to put pen to paper because the waters are running at their deepest. Right now I can’t quite get back to the political side of my writing. It will come but in the meantime other events are occurring that make me do a lot of reflection. My Hub about “As If Only In A Dream” has drawn an excellent response and I appreciate all the comments there.

How about a little music to read by?

Life, nor a relationship, shouldn’t be an endurance contest but sometimes it seems like it drifts into that. When it does and continues to be, it’s time to do something about it. Many times it is uncomfortable realizing that the inevitability of something is staring you square in your face. When the sadness of the situation can be seen in your eyes when you look in the mirror, please don’t think those around you don’t also see it, even complete strangers.

Bad things sometimes happen to good people. Communication lines break down at some point when enduring raises its ugly little head. All I can say to anyone is don’t shoot the messenger but rather listen and be still. Life indeed can at times be a struggle. That’s part of the game of life but when you’re struggling and on the other end of the rope is someone working at pulling you toward obvious cross purposes, it is time to cut the rope. The game of tug-of-war isn’t what it should be about. I’d much rather have someone helping me pull in the same direction. Me? I have a tendency to let go of the other end of the rope. I don’t even need a knife to cut through it.

I don’t like to argue, not to say I don’t like a little friendly debate. That usually stimulates the brain and makes you see the other person’s point of view. But I can firmly attest that an argument, at least what I have been experiencing, is an emotionally draining experience. Stay with me, I’m going somewhere with this.

I have this little guy I call the gate keeper. Some people think you don’t have a soul. That means that you just “are.” Without going deep into the details, I know I have a soul. I also am very aware when someone attacks that which I am. My soul is a large part of who I am. My gate keeper is the guardian of my soul and we have a way of communicating. It’s okay if you say I’m nuts, but I don’t pay attention to people who think that because I knew what I knew when I knew it. His main task in my life now is to alert me when to trust another and when not to. That’s not to say he can’t be fooled because he has been since he took up sentry duty. He’s usually pretty reliable.

So as the story goes back to the subject of arguments. We all have a past. You can deny it but you also have baggage. That usually consists of the perceived wrongs one suffers through in past relationships that didn’t quite turn out as you expected them to. In my case, that baggage resides in my soul back in the corner somewhere. So you venture out on the limb and start any new relationship. The tendency is, over the course of time, to pull some of that baggage out, dust it off, explain how it has influenced who you have become and then hopefully (a key part of this) is to pack it up and store it back where it belongs - in the past. The past is the past. I like to deal with the present and future.

You trusted that other person with that information that you usually have on close hold. But, and this is a big “but,” you sure don’t expect your significant other, or whatever you care to call him or her, to reach into your soul, pull the baggage out and shake it your face anytime a disagreement occurs. You may be disagreeing about a subject and “viola” - here it comes. I call it a defense mechanism and a psychologist might concur. Here comes the bags into the room and out it all flies. The question then becomes, “Is it really yours or has it become theirs to use as a weapon against you?” I’m just asking…

When faced with that continually happening to you over and over it is all about endurance. How long are you willing to endure the same thing happening over and over to you, done by the same person who supposedly has your best interests at heart? That becomes a toughie. You can either let go of the other end of the rope or keep up the tug-of-war. Which will it be? Is the argument, the same of argument, worth going through time and again, over and over with no successful conclusion ever reached? How long is a reasonable amount of time to endure such a contest?

I’m taking a risk even talking about this. Life is all about risks though. To not do so is to be like a hermit crab. They peek out occasionally to see if it’s safe out there. They then retreat back in their shell hoping for the best. The best is always out there somewhere if you risk a part of yourself to find it. I’m not as trusting now as I have been in the past. When you step out on that limb, you don’t expect someone with the saw to pull it out and hack it off. It does happen. So you pick your nasty little self up, brush yourself off and keep going. It’s called never giving up. But enduring? I don’t think so…

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Comments 30 comments

tom hellert profile image

tom hellert 5 years ago from home

roggy a wise Afrucan shaman once said the past is the past you can either learn from it or run from it"


The Frog Prince profile image

The Frog Prince 5 years ago from Arlington, TX Author

tom - I have learned from mine, definitely don't run from it because its sum total make up of who I am but don't need someone who is intent on throwing it back in my face after I have revealed the innermost thoughts that reside in my soul brother.

That I can't live with, nor will I.

The Frog


Dvines 5 years ago

Having read both articles I had to comment. I have had similar experiences in life and was single for 21 years having decided after two tries that marriage must not be for me. I had very low self esteem for a few of those years feeling that making mate happy was something that I lacked so for 18 years I didn't date anyone just spent my time playing golf and hanging with friends of both sexes. I got used to being the third wheel when my married friends asked me to dinner or travel. After a few years I got comfortable with my lifestyle and thought I was happy with my life. Then four years ago I met a lady whom intrigued me but she was dating another. About a year after they split I asked her out and we have been together ever since. She fills a hole in me I didn't realize was there and I am the happiest I have ever been. My friends and family noticed the difference immediately and are truly happy for me. Is marriage in my future? Definitely as soon as we take care of her health problems. I apologize for this being so long but you know me and how I can ramble. Thanks for your friendship and know that I treasure it.


The Frog Prince profile image

The Frog Prince 5 years ago from Arlington, TX Author

David - Thank you for sharing with us here in Hubland. You and I met many years ago and I will always remember the long conversation we had that day when you traveled to Euless to have a sit down.

I'm elated for you. I felt the same exact way after the split with my son's mother. He's out in the Gulf on a deep drilling rig ship right now BTW. But now I look back and see some wasted years there and some wasted people because of my attitude.

Life should be good. It should be fun but I realize that all fun isn't possible. Good luck to you my old friend. You know I'm there for you if you ever need anything. Within my power anyway. LOL

The Frog


marcoujor profile image

marcoujor 5 years ago from Jeffersonville PA

My dearest friend, Mr Frog,

You truly needed to put pen to this virtual paper! This #100 is from the heart. You are BEAUTIFUL, in no way nasty. I will help you up any time, for I believe you are fabulous.

Our past is just that. It makes us who we are and it cannot be changed. I wish you the very best in every way, and I truly believe it will happen for you. I would hop away and not look back for a minute, mar.


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

Frog - I think a lot of people actually only stay in some relationships because they have so many years "invested". It is so hard to make some changes because you're not quite sure if it will be a change you will regret. I do think that the past shouldn't haunt us - I know I would not want things I am sorry I said or did to be brought up forever. We all make mistakes and should be allowed to move on. But right - once you trip on the same mistake over and over I guess you'd eventually want to move it out of your oath.. That can be depressing too. When you just know you are at the end of something that might have been great but didn't turn out like you planned in your head. I hate when that happens. I'm in the middle of something with this flavor and I just keep trying to tell myself that I won't always feel this crappy about it when it's safely in the past. I'm glad you shared this, personally. Thank you.


breakfastpop profile image

breakfastpop 5 years ago

Once again I have to thank you for sharing and being so candid about your feelings.. You are amazing and frankly, I would think, every woman's dream guy. Hang in there Frog, you truly are a Prince. Up awesome and beautiful!


Alan Bowman 5 years ago

Hi FP

Another great and moving piece and I hope you find the peace you deserve. No one can change the past, no one is promised tomorrow and you can only live today each moment at a time and best to make them happy momments if at all possible.

We all learn in life as time passes, we all have regrets and times we know e did the wrong thing but in the main I am sure from what I have seen and read from you that you have done many more good things for which you should be justifiably proud.

Live your dreams, enjoy your life and stay healthy all the ay through.

Kindest regards

Alan


Naomi's Banner profile image

Naomi's Banner 5 years ago from United States

I think when you get right down to it Frog, there are many of us who have loved and lost. It is sometimes more scarey to look at your life and realize it consists of someone dictating to you how your life has to be. I hate baggage, most of us have some. I threw most of mine away years ago but find it likes to creep back in once in a while but just like a mangy mouse if it steps foot in my house it's going out with the rest of the trash. I think sometimes we say things when we are young and truly believe them and then as we age some it is no longer a desire of ours. I wonder if maybe the thought of walking into another era of life is so frightening that we take that fear and unrest out on the ones that we love the most. Sometimes the struggle of life itself gets smack dab in front of the joys of life.

Another Hub full of sincere feelings. Thank you for sharing a part of yourself and your life. It is kinda like standing on a table butt naked waiting for the first one to laugh...you took the plunge and I pray writing it out will give you the ability to find the answers you are looking for. By the way, like the music it took me back a little. Naomi


The Frog Prince profile image

The Frog Prince 5 years ago from Arlington, TX Author

Naomi - Some of the answers have been revealed and I know more will follow.

The Frog


Sunnie Day 5 years ago

I read this hub this morning and once again this afternoon.I wasn't sure how to comment and sort of a loss for words..I am on a second marriage,, rocky times too..I work hard at it..and we are in agreement to do that..much forgiveness and clean slate,,never to be thrown in the face again..one can't.. both parties working towards something..not sure what that is...maybe just to stay together..I have wanted to throw in the towel at times..I haven't yet..I don't want to start again..if I do ..I will go it alone..I can't do this again..So...it is hard both ways..and there is no perfect answer..but the one thing I know for sure without a doubt..IT TAKEs TWO to work at it everyday..Frog I send a prayer up and over right now..I know you will do the same for me..

Sunnie


The Frog Prince profile image

The Frog Prince 5 years ago from Arlington, TX Author

Sunnie - I just talked to my best buds in Texas a while ago. I'm seriously considering moving back to become a Texan once again. They told me to come on!


Sunnie Day 5 years ago

A great place to start again..A big state with lots to do...I do wish you the very best...


Pat Potts 5 years ago

One of my dearest friends lives in Austin. Texas is a lovely state and I wish you well where ever you go. :)


Stu From VT 5 years ago

Hi Frog, I hope all works out for the best. I'm not going to say too much for obvious reasons, but I follow what you're getting at. In things like this, there are no absolute rights and wrongs; you have to go with your gut. Stu


Ghost32 5 years ago

In my own "relationship history", I have to believe the #1 classic exchange of them all (for me) took place between me and wife #6 in 1996. One fine afternoon, I told my soon-to-be ex very seriously that I felt "X" and "Y" were serious issues between us...and that we needed to address them.

She laughed heartily, replying, "Well, I DON'T!"

I was gone two months later. Ran like a rabbit and never looked back. Didn't even stop to sleep till my U-Haul truck and I had put the Blue Ridge Mountains between the two of us.

Cost me a lot of money to get out and stay out. Worth every cent.


Becky 5 years ago

I have been married for 25 years and firmly believe that couples should take a class on fighting fair before being allowed to get married. Rule # 1 would be "If it is in the past and doesn't pertain to the present, leave it in the Past". #2 is "If it is important to one of you, it automatically is important to both". Good luck and prayers for working it out to a good ending, whatever that should be. God Bless.


tom hellert profile image

tom hellert 5 years ago from home

Frog

fighting verbally- just sucks for me- I cant remember what I even said and I can be told I said anything and I cant even say no....

so I stopped fightin...

TH


Harvey Stelman profile image

Harvey Stelman 5 years ago from Illinois

Froggy, I sensed a lot of pain in you, I'm hoping I'm wrong. You always seem like a good man, and you shoot straight.

Having the past constantly thrown at you is one of the most difficult things to hear, you can't turn off what you know to be true. Stuffed into your face can only produce HATE. H


tom hellert profile image

tom hellert 5 years ago from home

Harvey ,

Originally read this thinking wow someone elses wife says that " it shouldnt be an endurance race too.."

jk H

cmon froggy that was decent...

TH


The Frog Prince profile image

The Frog Prince 5 years ago from Arlington, TX Author

Harvey - I don't hate anyone but it seems to be directed at me at times. It can become stifling. I can deal with pain because eventually a numbness sets in.


Harvey Stelman profile image

Harvey Stelman 5 years ago from Illinois

Froggy, We all hate, and areprejudice. I will be brave enongh to list some on my list.

1- Beets

2- Asparagus

3- Oh hell, etc H


tom hellert profile image

tom hellert 5 years ago from home

frog harv my hates-

the Montreal canadians (hockey team - fans)

the Buffalo Sabres (Hockey team)

The NY Mets

Los Angeles...Vegetables EXCEPT Beets, yellow Bbeans Spinach

Beard or mustahes(especially on women)

IM sure I got more-

TH


The Frog Prince profile image

The Frog Prince 5 years ago from Arlington, TX Author

I have a beard and a mustache so hate away. I look good in it, grew it shortly after I retired in 1992 and don't remember what I look like without it.

I don't hate anyone or anything, but I'm not fond of liver and onions.

The Frog


tom hellert profile image

tom hellert 5 years ago from home

Frog,

you are a little more balanced than me unfortunately i am not as sane as you are-

TH


thebluestar profile image

thebluestar 5 years ago from Northern Ireland

Ahh my dear Prince, what a coincidence that I should have been pointed this way today. Baggage and skeletons in the cupboard is something that everyone has, but it is how you cope with them that counts. I have been divorced twice and although I love my partner, the toy boy taxi driver, I am not truly happy. I am just hanging in there until something snaps. I am sending you a huge warm hug to warm through the very bones of you. I care and so do many of your hub pages buddies. x


justmesuzanne profile image

justmesuzanne 5 years ago from Texas

Good points! Sometimes it is very hard to endure when all you want to do is bolt and run! :D Voted up and useful!


The Frog Prince profile image

The Frog Prince 5 years ago from Arlington, TX Author

justmesuzanne - Running, expect for the shorter sprints, is an endurance event :)


justmesuzanne profile image

justmesuzanne 5 years ago from Texas

But bolting is not! :D


The Frog Prince profile image

The Frog Prince 5 years ago from Arlington, TX Author

suzanne - See how I let users comment. Take notes.

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