It is Okay to be Attracted to Someone Else When You are in a Relationship


Yes is the simple answer. There is nothing wrong with being attracted to members of the opposite or the same sex after you are married. There is no automatic turn off switch when you get married or in a committed relationship; the question is will you or won’t you act on it.

It is unfortunate that we restrict ourselves, our emotions and our wants and needs once we commit to a relationship. Doing so is not normal. It is not normal to fight your natural instincts of feelings. We are in fact animals or rather a member of the animal specie, so our natural animal instincts will kick in from time to time. The difference with humans, however, is that we have learned, through a long process of socialization, what appropriate behaviour is or should be. We have developed skills to temper our animal urges not eradicate them.

Being attracted to someone else while in a relationship could also lead to an involvement with the person you are attracted to for several reasons. You may not be in a happy or satisfying relationship and meeting someone else who has all the qualities you want in a partner may be just what you need to move on. If you are in a relationship that you would rather not be in, perhaps one that is diminishing you in a number of ways then you would certainly be more receptive to the attraction.

You may also want to start a relationship with the other person you are attracted to due to some personality flaw. You may not be mature enough to sustain a relationship and are always looking for the next best thing. Whatever the reason for you acting on an attracting to another person while in a relationship does not make the attraction a bad thing.

Being attracted to someone without acting on it can be good for your soul and your relationship especially if the attraction to the other person is mutual. The attraction can make you feel alive if you were perhaps feeling that your life was over or that you are no longer attractive to the opposite s. It could help revitalize your relationship and give you the impetus to make your relationship work rather than just giving up.

Is it normal to be attracted to someone else while you are in a relationship? Of course it is normal. Your emotions, feelings and urges do not die when you agree to a relationship with another person. Wouldn’t you be somewhat concerned if your partner appears to have never looked at another man or woman while you are together? I think you may start to secretly wonder what is wrong with him or her. Do you really think that the person you are with never glances at or make favourable comments about another person when you are not around?

Embrace the attractions you feel to another person even if you are in a solid relationship and if the one you are with is the one then it would mean nothing to you. The attraction you feel would only serve to remind you that you are alive and well and a true member of the animal species.

Have you been attracted to someone else when in a relationship

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Comments 5 comments

Destinee 4 years ago

But I mean c'mon, if you're in a relationship; why should there be anyone else? That kind of stuff leads to cheating, and other types of inappropriate behavior. Being attracted to another person, can cause jealousy and insecurity for the other partner. Me personally, I think it's not right. But whatever...

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DREAM ON 4 years ago

I work in a very open invironment where you tend to see lots of pretty woman in a short period of time.Just because you might feel interested in their body or their thoughts it doesn't mean you are going to go off and leave the one you love.You have to realize what the attraction was and share it with your mate.You might be able to find that also in your mate but never seen it before.I think feeling natural about who we are and responsible as adults to love the ones who we are married or dating.True love is based on trust and respect and a bond that is years of friendship and built on a relationship not infatuation.Very good hub and tips on body language as well were very helpful.

Joan King profile image

Joan King 4 years ago Author

"feeling natural about who we are and responsible as adults to love the ones who we are married or dating" What you said here Dream On is the essence of dealing with these types of temptation. Thanks for visiting.

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go-barbara-go 4 years ago

I agree with you big time....there is absolutely nothing wrong with that, and it all depends on you if you would cast away your commitment to your wife/husband because you feel that way with another person. Attraction is totally different from commitment and a decision to live up to that commitment. It defines you as a person. Love is way too far from what attraction is. Would you dare exchange love for it? It's your call.

Thank you for this wonderful, thought-provoking hub.

Joan King profile image

Joan King 4 years ago Author

I also think it takes a certain level of maturity to make the distinction between attraction and commitment. it is important to know how far one can go and when to pull back if the attraction is getting close to the danger zone. Thanks for your comments

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