Jerk off

Stand back!

I am done with you?

When every conceivable thought that you have had on how to diffuse arguments or disagreements has broken down, and before verbal or even physical abuse happens, separate please. There are times to count to ten, but there are times when a K.O. is delivered to your ego or your character and you have had enough instantly.

And now, like Dr. Bruce Banner becoming the Incredible Hulk or Dr. Jekyll becoming Mr. Hyde, nothing will quench your fury until you have exacted revenge. If you look at my profile, and perhaps you will, you will notice I talk about Christ, as in Savior and Lord. Don't get me wrong, I am not talking sideways or yakking smack, I believe he is Savior and Lord; and now more than ever, now when faced with the biggest challenge of my life, dealing with my closest relatives of whom know all my triggers, how difficult it is to love them.

Feels so rough!!!

Till death do us part

Wedding Vows

Male

I _____, take you ______, to be my wedded wife. To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness or in health, to love and to cherish 'till death do us part. And hereto I pledge you my faithfulness.

Female

I, _____, take you ______, to be my wedded husband. To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, 'till death do us part. And hereto I pledge you my faithfulness.

Divorce is not my answer to this, but my trust in her and vice versa has been severed. I once wrote a question asking if you could still love someone even when you couldn't trust them. For the most part response was similar, no, but one loving soul just dd not want to let go, they were and perhaps are still in love. For myself, this hurt is deep, like a steel knife to the windpipe (thanks Eminem), but hurt as I have been. I don't want to see her fall deeper into sickness or to think we can never try to reconcile. I have had to be truthful and I let her know that we are no longer who we used to be, we, if we both decide to try again will have to start anew.



Keeping check on my libido

Help!!! How quickly loneliness sets in and with that desire. I know I have always been attracted to the female form, but if I am to keep any hope of marriage alive, how I must keep my guard up. I'm not sure that innocent enough conversation could lead to something else, but I am hurting, so I would do best to avoid situations that may arise.

Anger is another problem that has risen of late and although no physical violence, I had an episode of throwing a pillow, therefore, I removed myself from the home and waited for the emotion to subside. After that time, I will not allow myself to be baited and pulled into such a spectacle. I will either terminate conversation, for the moment, when talk becomes stifled or if it degrades as rapidly as before I will run for the door! Currently, unless you had not already guessed we are separated by location as she awaits word on some help. I will also be seeking help somewhere, but not sure where at the moment. Psychiatric help, at least in my opinion, relies to heavily on 'what do you think' philosophy for my taste, perhaps just someone to confide in, perhaps a response to this hub will be insightful also.

Love one another

In the heat of passionate emotion, and when two alpha type egos meet in opposition to one another, love seems to have left the building. Perhaps more equivalent to the movie "War of the Roses" our only last dialogue turned sour. I felt absolutely terrible after this, yes she has a problem, but so do I. My problem has been, not be discerning enough to catch wind of the communication breakdown before it broke. No more though, I have now put flags in appropriate places to allow retreat from demeaning conversation, it is not a perfect system and most times I'm sure it is one sided, but the intent is to keep both of our tongues in check and so far, so good.

On the mend

1 Corinthians 13 (NKJV) more than scripture

Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal. 2 And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3 And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, but have not love, it profits me nothing.

4 Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; 5 does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; 6 does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 8 Love never fails.

Love never fails! So why do I feel so miserable?

I feel like this because deep inside my soul I am troubled with my own lack of love through this ordeal. If I am ever to become the husband, the lover of others and of the one I have vowed to cherish, I must stay supportive and endure this hardship. That's the message and its a tough one, I know how tough because the message is for me! Love is the answer, and it covers a multitude of wrongs.

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