Just Because She Got A Baby By Him Don't Mean Nothing....Or Does It?

Baby Mama Drama!

Oooh, this subject makes my head hurt. Simply because it's so stressful being in a relationship with a man who has "Baby Mama Drama"......It doesn't have to be though. All it takes is for everybody to know their role and stick to the script. A lot of people don't realize that the man in the middle, is the director in this Soap Opera. But some men just don't take that job serious enough, which always leads to trouble and chaos.

The man is and always will be in the middle of this urban battle, but only if he doesn't stand up and be the man that he should be. He has to be honest with both parties, he has to respect both parties, he has to be open with both parties and he has to make sure that both parties know and understand the most important part of all of this is the child.

The most common mistake that a man dealing with baby mama drama makes, is that he just can't seem to cut the sexual restraints from the woman who bore his child. Just by him going there with her, it sets off a chain of events that could have easily been avoided. Easier said than done, I know. But it has to happen in order for the child to be raised in a stable environment, even if mommy and daddy aren't together anymore.

Like I said before, the man holds all of the cards. The women involved can only play with the hand he deals them. He has to make it clear to the woman that he is involved with (right up front), that the relationship with his baby mama, is focused strictly on the well being of his child. He has to also be sure to keep her informed on all of the activities, meetings, conversations or any other direct contact that he may have with the mother of his child. I know this may sound extreme but keeping her involved and informed on what's going on, will lower the chances of distrust and insecurity on her end.

He also has to do the same with the child's mother. Although this may not go down so easy, it's all about the approach. She may not want another woman around her child, whom she does not know. Plain and simple. That will be her first argument to this unfamiliar situation that is put before her. But that's not all. This is a very delicate situation, because him and her may not have parted on the best terms, so therefore she may have her guard up about anything and everything her ex is involved with (or who). So this can make things complicated, but he still has to let her know what's going on. He needs to explain to her that he has another woman in his life.Something that she really does not want to hear. But he has to let her know anyway, because if she finds out that her child was around this person that she does not know, god forbid what's gonna happen next. That's why he should tread softly and watch his approach. He has to let her know that he has taken interest in another. Hold on, he has to be quick with this though. He should also let her know what this woman means to him. She may give him the eye and please believe all men know the "eye". But he still has to let her know this (only if he is serious though) so that way she can know that he respects and cares enough about this woman to tell her about her. She'll respect that. I'm not saying that she'll like it, but she will respect that.

My Baby Mama Situation:

Well the day that I met my now fiancé, I could tell that he was having "Baby Mama Drama". I had no feelings for him at the time, I just felt sorry for him and that was the first thing that I crossed out on my, 'I need a man list'. "No Baby Mamas", and this man had a couple.Long story short, he made me go 'oooh-wee' and things changed for both of us. I found out that this man was not an ordinary man, and I will explain what I mean about this. Ladies, this man would call up his baby mamas, with me laying right next to him in the bed and would put these women on speaker phone. He did this just so I could hear what his relationship with them was like. He didn't do this that one time. This man did this every time, even if they called him, which really surprised me. Just by him doing that, opened up trust and confidence in my relationship with this man.

Hey, not all men can live up to the title of being a "Real Man", and those who don't will still find a fool to give him some.

Response for Miami.

Miami says:
28 minutes ago

wat if dat man baby mama's r send'n him 2 jail n they still come n his face laugh'n like aint nuthin happen n always disrespect'n me but i alway's check they ass even 1 of the baby mama's sister 's i myself feel like 1 they gonna b laugh'n 1 nite drink'n wit him n the constables r goin 2 pull up n ask 4 him n they gon say there he am i wrong 4 sayn dat 2 him.

My Response:

First of all, NO, you are not wrong for saying that to him, because you are concerned about your man. I ask why is he being so stupid as to let these females drag him into a bunch of nonsense. Like I said he holds the power in this situation. If the baby mamas are disrespecting you like you say that they are, then he needs to set them straight. He has to do this, not you. If he loves you and care about you, then he would never ever let anybody disrespect you in no kind of way, shape or form. He needs to handle his business, plan and simple.

You need to know your role in all of this and it is not to check anybody. You have to be his calm after the storm, (i.e. baby mamas). They don't want to see him happy with somebody else. Which is why they try to keep up so much mess. That is why they keep starting stuff with you and starting stuff with him. This is all a part of the plan....Oh, you don't know the plan, well here it is and I'm sure that you've heard this before. "If I can't have him then ain't no other B gonna have him". The plan is to give him hell, just as long as they have a baby together. But you can stop this simply by staying out of all of that mess that they are keeping up. They know that they are getting to you because you are ready to check them the minute you hear that your name came out of their mouths. That is not the way to handle it, at all. I'm sure that you have better things to do with your time. You never let anybody turn your world upside down like these women are trying to do.

As for him getting thrown in jail and he keeps hanging out with them, that is just ludicrous. He has to find his own way. If he is a good man to you and he is worth keeping, then you have to have the patience while he is finding his way, because girl you really have your hands full. I hope that you are not coming up with his bail money though. :)

I'll leave you with this. Your home is your sanctuary, never let mess stroll through your front door disguised as people you trust.

Comments 104 comments

creativeone59 profile image

creativeone59 6 years ago from Gold Canyon, Arizona

Thank you for a great Gota baby by him hub, enjoyed it. thank for sharing it. creativeone59


Miami 6 years ago

wat if dat man baby mama's r send'n him 2 jail n they still come n his face laugh'n like aint nuthin happen n always disrespect'n me but i alway's check they ass even 1 of the baby mama's sister 's i myself feel like 1 they gonna b laugh'n 1 nite drink'n wit him n the constables r goin 2 pull up n ask 4 him n they gon say there he am i wrong 4 sayn dat 2 him


kylie 3 years ago

what if this man has two baby mamas and we have been together for one year, i still have not met his kids? how to deal with TWO?


Jai 3 years ago

So I've been knowing this guy for about 5month now and we havnt been on a date or his house and barely talk on the phone outside of work soo I let it out and tell him how I feel about that and he always giving excuses he got a son or his parents sick which is true but that's no excuse for meeting outside of work he claims he really like me and want to chill sometimes but it hasn't happen yet and to top it off I honestly think him n his babymother are touching bases whenever we are at work on break she calls and the convo barely has anything to do with his child he has to ask what their son doing n she blabbers asking him what did he eat like that's any of her damn business so after hanging up I gave him my aspect of a baby mama situation which is if it has nothing to do with the child in any form its taking it too far. So he say he ont hate his baby mama so he's not going to be like what "b" he want themto be on good terms which I agree with and he also states he doesn't want his son growing up knowing that their not together okay but that's a pill that'll have to b swallowed since y'all aren't together you are in his life but you n her situation a whole other story's mean they do get along but that's a little bit too close.


tarkishat profile image

tarkishat 3 years ago Author

Y'all have been together for a year and you have not met his kids at all. Well my question to you is, why not? Does he even see his kids? To answer your question about how to deal with two baby mamas, it's simple. You don't have to deal with them, your man has to. You and him can discuss his relationship with the mothers and you can give him your opinion on how to deal with them, but honey leave that mess to him. He made babies with them, you didn't. Try to stay out of that as much as you can cause you will sleep better at night. Now you didn't give me much info on your relationship with the two baby mamas so if you would like you can tell me more and I can give you a better answer on how to handle this situation. I apologize for taking so long to respond back. My son is just about to be a year old and honey he keeps me on lockdown. Lol! I will be posting more hubs on this subject matter and other helpful stuff too. Thanks for commenting.


tarkishat profile image

tarkishat 3 years ago Author

Jai he's hiding a whole lot from you. Girl he probably married. Do your homework on him and watch your back cause these men are nothing nice when it comes to keeping a whole other life hidden. You are not wrong to be suspicious of his behavior. As far as baby mama asking what he ate, girl only a wife or a significant other cares about what they man ate for lunch. Him not wanting to go out with you away from work is a tell tell sign that he is either living with a woman or married. Boom! Now go get his azz! Lol!


leah 3 years ago

I let my husbands baby moma get to me this ,time i usually hear her belittling him over the phone four 3 yrs. iv'e stayed out of it today she struck a nerve and i texed her and told her to make that her last time call cusing and fusing at him ,when me and my husband first started dating once we got serious she did not want to meet me nor while we were engaged or married he tried to enterduce us to one another but she just blew me off quickly she tells their twin daughters that their father doesn't care about them and she has never like me even before she sort of meet me I just could stand anymore the way she had been talking to my husband he's been without a job and she's mad because no child support but he side off the family still try and provide while h'e out of work.I wish we could be cordial with one another its going on 4 yrs. but she has never wanted that considering she never wanted to know and learn of me .


tarkishat profile image

tarkishat 2 years ago Author

Leah, why would you want to get to know a woman whom wants nothing to do with you. If y'all did meet, do you think that she would give you a hug and a kiss, or a blow to your face with her fist. Come on now, your relationship is not with her, it's with your husband. She is not obligated to a meet and greet with you. If she is constantly cursing him out and he is a grown man and he is taking it, then it is not your place to call her and tell her not to curse him out. Number 1: He is not giving her ample support for the children that he has helped her create. She's angry about that. Number2: He has moved on and has a very understanding wife that supports him in everything. She's extremely angry about that, and so what! That is none of your business. She does not like you, oh well. You have your life and she has hers. Worry about your husband, your kids (if you have any yourself), and if his kids like you. That's what's important. I'm going to give you some very important advice. You have a relationship with your husband and she has a relationship with your husband. Separate relationships, keep them that way. Do not force yourself on anybody. Keywords: He's your husband. Congrats! Now pop them bottles girl.


mayae2013 2 years ago

I am currently dating a man who has just had a newborn baby. I entered his life when she was 7 months pregnant and we are currently living together. i searched for advice because this is my first time dealing with this and I definetly swore off dating anyone with kids but he makes me happy. This is a challenge I wont lie. His B.Mother has been texting him asking him to come around to see his daughter but yet they hated him and wouldn't even invite him to the babyshower!!!! Now that she had the baby the B.mama is changing . I think she wants him back but he doesn't see it and swears they are over and yah yah yah..... I am starting to feel upset because I almost see her trying to wing her way back in with "the Baby" and I have been keeping things to myself but really I'm starting to feel like giving up :*(. He doesn't do anything behind my back its his B.Mama that i'm worried about ...her secret motives....I don't know if you'll respond@tarkishat. But I want to thank you for this post it made me feel a little better. Thanks Mayae


Harris 2 years ago

so my babydaddy also my man is haven another baby with his first babymama so this would make baby number three for them what should i do???


NeNe 2 years ago

well Harris how they be seperated and if he seem sincere about not going back to his baby momma sticck around and don't worry just make the best of y'all relationship to be sure he don't think about going back, so what he got a baby on the way long as she didn't get pregnant while y'all was dealing, I went through the same situation but I left because I was scared he was going to go back to her when the baby come because that's there 2nd child even though he had little four about both because she was back and forth with her 1st baby daddy so she got 3 kids but anyway I should of stuck around because I known him so long, way b4 she did and o know he's a good strong man but Harris stick around and see where u stand and don't bite your tongue let him know how u feel about and see what he say and take his word I wish u the best!!!


nicole 2 years ago

My man left and moved with his babymomma for the help of his child he left in november of last year i haven't seen him since new years eve and we haven't spent time together since my birthday which was dec 26 what do i need to do bout this situation


Nicolle 2 years ago

I wa seeing this guy who's got a 2 year old son and he slept with the baby mum and dropped me, when she told him it was a mistake she don't want him he came back to me, I forgave him an well we got together few 2months down the line I found out I was pregnant an he told her he said he slipped up in front of her & her new baby dad! I ignored it and now I'm 6months pregnant with his child & I just found out a month ago that for the first few weeks of us getting together he was thinking about her! I don't know what to do he tells me he doesn't love her and would never go back to her but I find it so hard to believe him I know he loves me but I can't help but feel he loves her more.


Stephanie 2 years ago

I'm so glad I found a recent site to vent to and hopefully seek advice! My boyfriend & I have been together for a little over a year now.. Everything's great except one thing and of course, that's his sons mother. I'd like to call her what she acts like "a baby momma" but I find it disrespectful so I'll swallow my pride. But anyway, he has two children. His daughters not in his life therefore I don't have a problem with that mother, but his sons mother however still wants him, loves him, is obsessed with him, uses their son against him or to get to him and makes me believe that he cheats on me with her to make me rage but yet has never shown or left any proof/evidence. I'm at my last straw with this female. She's jealous and bitter. When we got in a relationship, I knew he had kids and there would be drama but I had no intentions of dealing with this much ridiculous stuff from just one person. She intentionally will say something whether it's to me, him or mutual friend or his family and make sure I find out, she posts Facebook status' tweets on twitter even Instagram photos starting drama and saying things she'll know will get back to me and push me to the point where I text her and we get into a verbal fight. I've been back and forth with her, fighting to being okay with each other. It's annoying! I just want peace of mind and a happy relationship with my boyfriend so we can start to plan a future. I've tried my best to get along. We went and took their son to the park and talked, and she chose to because she saw me and her sons father were getting serious. I've hung out and went to events with her and my boyfriends/her sons fathers Mother. She even slept in the same room at his Mothers house while he was at college and she needed somewhere for her and their son to stay. I've offered her furniture when she got her new home, I buy $200 worth of clothes and shoes at a time for their son. When she needs diapers, wipes, oragel I get it - the father/my boyfriend don't! Because I care and have a huge heart no matter how badly she's back stabbed me and has done sneaky stuff. Then recently, she's started saying things like "why is she buying my son stuff? It's not her child, our child. I don't need her help or her stuff.." But yet she still puts it on him and I'll continue to do it because it's not just her son but my boyfriends son. Every time I rant on social networks I get in trouble by my boyfriend, his Mother, ect. I get told to act like the bigger person and knock it off but nothing ever gets said to her! I don't understand it. My boyfriends mom and her are close, and so are me and my boyfriends mom so it's a tough situation for her especially when she has her grandchild and I don't but I deserve the same respect in my opinion and someone needs to put her in her place. The sons mother will talk to my boyfriend mom any type of way, cuss at her, smack her, get smart as if she's not 20 and the moms 41. She's a child compared to my boyfriends mom. She has no respect! I would never think of hitting or cussing at her. Every time I got along with my boyfriends sons mother, my boyfriend didn't. Now every time I don't get along with her, he wants to be content and civil with her. By all means that's fine and I want them to be okay for their sons sake but why choose to be at the time that I hate her? It's shady and awkward. Recently, every time I'm at work now she'll randomly show up at his house to get money for diapers when I just bought her a pack 5 days ago. Then two days ago, I was at work again and his mother asked me "is my son home?" I said he should be, why? "Because his sons mother is texting me and needs him to watch their son" I said, well he has training at 5:30-7:30 then leaves for practice @ 8 and it was 4:30 when I told her this. 10 minutes later the sons mom shows up, just walks right into the house and throws the diaper bag down and tells their son go to daddy and walks out. He said "where are you going because I'm busy today" she says "it doesn't f*cking matter I need you to watch him" and he said, "well you know my schedule, it's nothing new. I can't take him now." She leaves then 10 minutes later in 20 degree weather she walks up to his house and tries to drop him off again. He didn't end up going to practice, instead she's sitting there while he's playing with his son. From my understanding, if you had something to do so bad why are you sitting in the house that I live in for no reason? That day, she actually said to my boyfriend.. "I have something to tell you but I don't know if I should, I don't want to start drama" then continues, "your girlfriend cheated on you and still is, my friend knows everything. Ask her" Mind you, this is a jealous and bitter baby's mother telling you so why would you believe it? Plus, I live with him. If I'm not home, I'm working or out with his mother. It's gotten to the point where it's overwhelming and I'm down to tears as if I'm doing something wrong when I've done nothing. I accepted her and their child. I've never tried to play "mommy" to their son, I've never stepped out of place. I've proven myself a good person with good intentions and no harm to anyone, we've been together over a year now and I just want to be at peace with myself because it's clear after the times I've tried she'll never grow up and be at peace with me. Please, help. Any advice could benefit me, any input. I just can't talk to anyone anymore, they just listen to share my business and not help. Thank you!


mookie 2 years ago

Wat should u do if a man got u pregnant and another woman pregnant at the same time


Kassondra 2 years ago

I have been with a man who has a son named after him for over a year now. A son he had after meeting a woman while he was in the army who he had never known before. She got pregnant 6 months after being with him and they've were on and off for three years their son is now 6. His ex girlfriend is married to someone else and has twins with her husband. Since I have been with him almost consistently everyday since we re met he has always every single day called her phone to talk to his son who she took and moved 5 hours away with. I have obeyed her wishes and I have met her got called names by my boyfriend because I didn't want to meet her that specific Day but since Iam around their son I met her. I found out I am pregnant a couple months ago by my boyfriend (her sons father) and I just have never felt any respect like being with him is a job! And I can't just be with him I have to be with him and her. This is not what I want and Iam beginning to get sick of this relationship. I know I am not the mother of his son but I will be having his daughter soon and he is at all our appointments and I deal with him and his bipolar attitude when he drinks Ect and see him, cook for him, try to love him and rub his back almost everyday. But he is not respectful towards me and I don't feel loved or that Iam as important as this person (his ex baby momma) he shows me the texts she sends him talking about their son usually and let's me know about what they discuss and has put her on speaker phone Ect and everytime they talk to eachother if in text or on the phone he seems to have ten times more respect for her than he will ever have for me. I point this out to him but he just brushes my feelings off and gets angry with me so I just leave it alone. I don't deserve to be treated like garbage because he has a kid. She left him, she took his son away from him, she is Married and had children with someone else but He still Jumps when she tells him to. I will not. And when my daughter gets here in a couple months i will not be with him and his ex that wants to rule his life. He chose to be with me a start fresh and I chose yes to be with him but I do not feel like it is me and him... And it never will be. I will not be disrespected in front of our child because he has respect for his ex baby momma I will move on and I will raise my daughter in all honesty of how I have truly felt and I hope she doesn't make the same mistakes I have with men. I just don't feel like this is real between me and my child's father. I won't settle for half a man. I will start over and I will love our little miracle we made but I will not be miserable again with half a man for the rest of my life. And his ex girlfriend.


Monica 2 years ago

My baby daddy has 2other baby mamas one of them he pays child support for but never get a chance to see the child the child is 13 has a cell and can reach out he constantly reaches out to her but is always overlooked he only gets invited to certain things and it's usually told to him 3 hours before the event start the other baby mama has a 3 year old son who she half way takes care of she don't want her son around me because she would like to be his lady however the son asks to go with him every time he visits only for him to have to say not this time I welcome both kids to our home and wouldn't never mistreat them but I am at my wits end with the situation the sons mom wants all the things we can do for him but not want him around me but rather she knows it or not I am the person responsible for the children having all those things that they get on birthdays and holidays and the son mom always wants to go on family outings with him and the kid I explained to him no he can take the son alone you aren't with her and don't need to be out and about with her the daughters mother holds the child back I'm so over this situation


tarkishat profile image

tarkishat 2 years ago Author

OMG, OMG! Ms. Stephanie! That is some serious Baby Mama Drama you got going on there. Well you can be nice, but never be a nice fool. You're going out of your way to have a civil relationship with this woman. Oh, my bad. This little girl! I say that because, no woman in her right mind would act like her. Sounds to me like you're doing more for her and the child than the father is and this trick is being disrespectful to the hand that is feeding her. What you need to do is pull that hand back. Stop doing all of that, that's your boyfriend's responsibility. The child is innocent in all of this. That's True, but you didn't lay down and make him they did. This is going to be hard for you to hear. Your boyfriend is not respecting you or your relationship. If he sees all of this going on and he hasn't said anything to crazy girl. He has to be the one to sit her crazy azz down and explain to her that she has to respect you and y'all relationship. He has to put his foot down with her that's the only way she will listen. You are going to have to put your foot down as well. You have to let him know exactly how you feel about this whole situation and how if it doesn't change then you're out of there. That's too much stress for one person girl. If you need to talk more email me at tarkishat@yahoo.com.


tarkishat profile image

tarkishat 2 years ago Author

After you break his damn neck! Lol! I would hope you all can get together and raise those kids up in a healthy happy household. It may hurt like hell now but Joy comes in the morning.


tarkishat profile image

tarkishat 2 years ago Author

Congratulations on your baby! Hey it looks like you've already made up your mind. Only you know how much you're willing to put up with. The respect he shows Baby Mama is there because she demands it. She has him balls girl. You didn't mention if he pays child support or they have an understanding. Either way it's no excuse for him to treat you like crap. Do what's best for you and your baby. Happy trails.


tarkishat profile image

tarkishat 2 years ago Author

I'm over your situation too Monica. Lol! You all are really going to have to set up some boundaries with her. You all need to sit her down and explain to her what you will tolerate and what you won't. Respect for your relationship should be at the top of that list.


Mara 2 years ago

I've been with my man for 4 months now and he makes me feel so good, special, and always compliments me. He's a true gentleman and yes the relationship with his kids (3kids) started 8 yrs ago. I like him a lot but the unknown and only getting bits and pieces here and there from him knowing that she still wants him drives me crazy and that anxiety comes from it happening to me before... My ex was still dealing with his BM and I found out ..... Idk what to do cause I am TRULY falling for him but

Can't stomach the thought of getting drug through the dirt again (sighs )


nicole hixx 2 years ago

Hey I have a huge issue I've never dated a guy with kids before his child is 3 we have been together for about 4 months and lately have been talking about marriage . But before he and I got together he admitted to sleeping with her a week before we made our relationship official he didn't have a phone but one day we were relaxing and i heard a phone vibrating he pulled a phone out his pocket and it was his babys mother she asked what he was doing and he said " chillin with my partner" not his woman or his girlfriend his partner now a week later he said he was going to bring his son So I can meet him he's said this before but needless to say I still haven't met him and this time he promised now its D-day and now he says the baby mama is saying she don't know me like that I don't get it he goes to day care and meets strangers all the time I'm not even a stranger we are talking about marriage and we are about to live together So shouldn't I meet the son before all that? I mean seriouslyvwhen she had him obviously it didn't work So what is this womans problem I don't care to meet her I respect her because of him I'm not trying to take over her role as a mom I do love my man her childs father but like I said I haven't met her or the child I have an issue with him if he want to be with her then why is he waisting my time there are plenty of men who would love a good woman So if he's not it I'm not pressed but what is going on perhaps this baby mama and I newd to meet I want to know is there some going on and besides that I think that's bs he's his father So whoever he brings the child around she should trust that he wouldn't put his child in harms way I'm pretty sure when she has her son she introduces him to whom she pleases So that's is bullcrap she still wants him and she don't want him moving on and she don't want her son to like me that's understandable but if she cared So much she should've kept him when she had him So I don't care he's been single a whole year(So he says)So why is she now So interested I'm not even petty but seriously he's moving in and we are ring shopping he's giving her the ultimate duece by marrying someone else So my thing is what should I do?


Parris 2 years ago

I love this! I been with someone for some months now and he has a five year old and.... Well... a one month old (from some random cuddy buddy from last summer). Since meeting him in December, he told me about the five year old. However, two months in, he confessed that another woman is claiming him as the dad of her unborn baby. He was confident at first that it wasn't his baby because of how everything went the few times they had sex. But the baby is here now and he is being extremely slow about finding out DNA results ASAP. I'm in a sticky situation: I fell in love with a man who I thought had ONE child who could possibly have TWO by TWO different women. Not to mention NEITHER know about me. Am I wrong for wanting out? He took my choice away by telling me later about the possible second baby and I think it's because he knew that is part of a woman's determining factor in a relationship. He stole that away from me by making me fall for him first. It's so hard dealing with not being the only woman to share something special with the only man you love.


Nique1984 2 years ago

IM HAVING BABY DADDY DRAMA AND IM A MOTHER. MY CHILDS FATHER LEFT FOR ANOTHER WOMEN AND NOW IT SEEMS LIKE SHE TRY N START UP A LOT OF PROBLEMS. SHE DOESN'T HAVE KIDS. ONE MINUTE SHE WILL HAVE A PROBLEM WITH HIM TALKING TO ME THEN THE NEXT SHE WILL SAY THINGS LIKE HOW HE ISN'T A REAL MAN BECAUSE HES NEVER AROUND HIS KIDS AND HOW HES A BAD FATHER. SO WHEN I STEP TO THEM WITH WHAT'S GOING ON SHE THINKS IM IN THE WRONG. IM NOT THE TYPE TO START DRAMA BUT MY CHILDS FATHER IS. HE WANTS OUR DAUGHTER TO GO WITH HIM AND HIS GF BUT DON'T WANT HER AROUND THE PERSON IM WITH.


tarkishat profile image

tarkishat 2 years ago Author

Mara, I completely understand how you are feeling and you have every right to feel that way if he's not telling you everything. I'm about to tell you something very important, sshhh! (Whispering) Don't tell nobody else. 98% of men who have a Baby Mama are more than likely still giving her the 'D' just to keep her satisfied (those are my numbers and I'm sure a lot would agree, lol) To keep down the BS, get what I'm saying. Well so they think. I will be posting another Hub on the tell tell signs that your man is still sleeping with his Baby Mama. I'm about to give you my number one sign right now. If she doesn't have a husband or a live in boyfriend of her own, then chances are she doesn't need one because her Baby Daddy a.k.a. your man is still putting it down over there. Sorry for the bluntness, but when it comes to dating anyone who has children with someone else, you have to literally be prepared for anything, because there will always be some kind of feelings there for that person. So Mara it's time to put on your inspector gadget trench coat and find out the truth in order to protect your heart from getting broken. Thanks for your comment and let's hope he's part of the 2%.


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tarkishat 2 years ago Author

Hey Parris, girl Get Out Now!!! He's a liar and a cheater. I believe in second chances, but come on now. How much can a B***h take?! Listen, here are some things that you have to deal with, if you stay with him and if he is indeed the father: Drama - because she's pissed that he questioned the child's paternity. Money - issues, because the babies need pampers, shoes and etc. Time - because he has to be there when both of his Baby Mamas call. If you have the feeling of having your own child with him and it being super special for the both of you then this guy is not the one for the job. If you feel that he can be then you had better put on a life jacket and hold on tight, because it will be a bumpy ride and your azz may just want to jump off that boat. Lol! Thanks for your comment.


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tarkishat 2 years ago Author

Hi Nique1984, your situation is a little confusing, but I'll try to understand it. So your child's father left you for a female that can't seem to mind her own business. That's a huge problem for me, because you had a baby with him not with her, so she has no say so. Now I'm done with her because she is irrelevant. If he's doing what he's suppose to do as a father in your eyes, then I don't see where the problem is. Now your child's father not wanting his daughter around the guy that you're with is understandable if he has never met this man. It seems as though you've met his girlfriend before, if not then now's the time for everyone to become grown ups and all of you need to have a sit down and discuss the upbringing of this precious little girl. Talking things over can really help everyone to air out their feelings, concerns, boundaries and expectations of one another. Good luck on trying to get them together, but it's very important for your sanity and to bring everyone together for the sake of your daughter. I hope this helps.


thesweet1 2 years ago

Hi Ladies, OK so I spoke to my BD..earlier today. & I don't know if it was a woman's intuition but I had asked him was my son his youngest; given the fact we just got back in contact with each other around Jan 2014. He surprisingly told me "No" he has a 1 year old Daughter who is under my son....This man has in total 7 kids. ..my son is the 6th child...He is 3 years old..I did get a Lil upset with him about that baby because he wasn't being straight up from the beginning...After we established the Lil girls existence he asked if I wanted to see a pic of his Lil cutie..I said sure...When he did she looked just like him..I complimented her N never texted again...my questioned is I can never hate on a kid...she is a blessing and a beauty...but why am I soooo.. angry..could it be because he only sees my son on fb..pics..He only met my son at 2 weeks old...After that we got into an argument over his selfishness. .After nd never spoke again until this year..could I be holding a grudge cause he doesn't have a relationship with my LO...why wouldn't he be up front about his new daughter from the get go??&... Should I just cut him loose?? He texted me back N told me not to be mad N if I still loved him.how should I handle this ..thx


nay 2 years ago

I moved to a different state and left my boyfriend he got another girl pregnant and I decided I would just move on...months later ge called me and told me he was in love with me and I asked about the other girl and baby....he moved to be with me the girl ended up having the baby....I took it really hard and felt bad about the entire situation me being a mother. Of 9yr and 3 yr single mother (this guy not the dad)..I found myself crying for hours for her and the baby...well the baby was born and he wont talk to her around me or anything last week he told me he was leavin out of the blue and then told me he was just homesick...


Joe 2 years ago

My bm wrote me this today breakin up with me im hurt think its best for us to be cordial as parents .. Relationship wise its not gone work you just like the fact that aint nobody gone be fkin me .. Its like you trying to go against everything I'm saying like you not tryna accept what I want you just want somebody to agree with what you saying


Tifini 2 years ago

Ok so im i been talking to this guy my now bf for 2yrs on and off we are now official 1month in, but he has two daughters with the same mom and i feelike he loves me and we talk about marriage and lifr but he barely or prob never puts his foot down to his bm! I respect her and tried to say hi bit all i got was an attitude not too mention she did something really stupid like asking to take a fam photo including my man and me standing there watching with his fam who also thought she was being messy. Im mad because i feel like he goes in other rooms to talk to her on the low even if its about the girls, she calls for no real reason or i do know that they be texting but hes always shady with his phone, i can bet he has pics of her still in his phone..but he wants a baby with me but im torn..she has told him, "im not gonna respect your gf(me) unless she becoles your wife or something"! Hes so stupid he never says what he told her he never seems like he goes off on her he just sugar coats it all and it pisses me off..what should I do??


laura 2 years ago

I have been dating my boyfriend for 10months now. We moved in together and everything seemed to be going great. Until one of his baby mamas started texting him and calling him a lot. I don't have a problem with that because I understand they have a child together. I am a single mother my self & I understand that he needs to be a father for his children. But after I asked him to please talk to her in front of Me he told me ok, I will, I promise I won't disrespect you again. I found out last week they were talking & texting behind my back & that shattered me. Finally a few days ago he confessed that he was talking to her and did not think it was a big deal. I feel like I can't trust him anymore and I want to leave but I love him so much I don't know what to do. I am trying to understand his situation as a father. But if he won't be honest with me I won't know what to do!!


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tarkishat 2 years ago Author

Hi thesweet1! You should run away as fast as you can. He has 7 kids, his 7 will become your 7. He obviously likes having sex without protection, so don't just count his little girl's mother as being only one lover he's had since you. Think about the ones he didn't get pregnant. We have to be so careful nowadays, so I say follow your first mind and keep the relationship strictly about your little boy. This man is a raw dawg and you can do bad by yourself. As far as him being there for your son, you can't make him do anything and being a parent comes naturally to some and there are those who have no clue of what being a parent really is. Move on and move quickly.


tarkishat profile image

tarkishat 2 years ago Author

Hi Nay. If you took this situation hard, then that means that you are a human being and you care. This man, oops, my bad, this little boy is a nothing azz piece of a human being, who doesn't want responsibility. After the girl went through all of the hard stuff with having the baby, it seems like he's now heading back to lay up under her until sh*t gets rough, and then he's back hopping from pillow to post again. Be happy that you didn't have to kick his azz out. Change your number and your locks, hell I would move.


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tarkishat 2 years ago Author

Hi Tifini, it seems like you really love this guy, but please and I repeat PLEASE! Do not have a Baby with him until you know for sure that he and his BM are not still fooling around. Remember he holds all of the cards in this situation and he has to still be smashing BM, because why would he do all this sugar coating, and sneaking around with the texts and calls. You're going to have to put your foot down and let him know the boundaries of your relationship and the things that you will no longer be tolerating. Nobody knows what the boundaries are until you put them on the forefront. So get your pen and paper out and make a realistic list of the boundaries that should never be crossed and what you will and will no longer tolerate. I hope this helps.


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tarkishat 2 years ago Author

Hi Laura. Him only talking to his BM when you're around is a little extreme. It only takes you to listen in on one conversation between them for you to hear if they have something else going on besides the child. If he has never talked to her in front of you then I completely understand your frustration. My man doesn't talk to his BM when I'm always around, but he does tell me that he talked to her and what they talked about without me even asking him. It does not bother me at all, because you have to trust your man. A woman's Intuition is everything, and if it's telling you that he's being shady then chances are he is. Relax them cuffs on that man girl, if you keep them too tight he can't wait to break free.


gabs 2 years ago

I was talking to this guy on and off for 3 years recently he told me he was going to have a baby it was a mistake and a one night stand he told me he didn't wanna be with the girl just be ther for the baby my question is or any advice now the baby is not here yet.. I feel like when the baby gets here he'll just change is mind also we live in diff states


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tarkishat 2 years ago Author

Hi gabs! Girl leave that problem where it is, not on your front porch. I'm sure you have enough problems of your own, and being worried up about his should not even be in your thought process. He's looking for an escape while things are rough right now. Tell him to go to tripadvisor.com, because you don't offer escape packages. Follow your first mind, a woman's intuition is everything. 9 times out of 10 he will do exactly what you're thinking he will do.


Shiri 2 years ago

I met my baby daddy when I was in the process of a divorce with my ex husband. This is the crazy part even though I was in a relationship with my bd I was still living with my ex. We were not sexually active we have three children together and I own the house that we lived in. To avoid going through a nastier divorce I decided to be nice to my ex by letting him stay with me even though I didn't want to be with him. We didn't sleep in the same bed or nothing my home is like a flat so he stayed down and I stayed up. In the beginning when I met my bd it was all good we seen each other everyday even though I always had to come to him because he couldn't come to my home. We were in love and when I got pregnant he was so excited and hoping for a boy. Idk wat happened he was around until I was about 5 months but one day he just started to have doubts even though he knew what we were doing to make that baby but I understood because I was still staying with another man smh. We remained in contact though he would call or tex here and there to see if I had the baby yet it's confusing to me because the day I was in labor I talked to him on the phone and the pain wasn't that intense but I could tell I was in labor later that day I sent him a text message telling him it was time. So he arrived at the hospital before I did and stayed the whole night until the baby came out because he wasn't ready to come, the next day our son came and he cut the umbilical cord. He was the first to hold him and he made it seem as though he felt he was his. By the way my ex husband is Puerto rican and my bd is black. So you see I knew who my kids father was cause I was not sleeping with the both of them. It would have been really messy if I didn't know who the father was then I would have told my bd it was a possibility but there wasn't. After I has him he was there until my son turned 2 months and now he went back to a few calls and texts here n there he even gave me his mom's # because he says he can't watch our son he has to make money and he's in the streets". My ? Is why would he go through all that to find out his son is his to not really be involved like that my son is now 4 months and he needs to know his father even if he see's no future with me and him anymore. I'm still single but I don't know about him if he's hiding a relationship or what when we do talk he tells me he's not. I offered at the time of pregnancy during and after and still to this day if he's unsure for a DNA he acts as though we don't need it but Im willing to pay for it or watever the process may be to prove to him so he can be more involved. This bothers me badly cause I still love and want to be with him one day but how will I ever get over all this dramatized confusion.. ~Tarkishat please help lol


mrs.jackson 2 years ago

So I've been married to my husband for almost 2 years. We're both dual military and met in Korea. All before we got married his baby mother would allow him to talk and skype with the baby. Once we got married she took his rights away. I've been NOTHING but nice to this girl. I even invited her to come and visit so she could get a feel for me. (Being in the military its not that easy to get up and go on vacation so i was going to allow them to come here) I didn't want to but i was just trying to make my husband happy (I've seen my husband cry twice in 2 years and once on the account of him missing out on his daughter's life) At one point they were getting along and she started calling him anytime of the night and started saying she loved him. I addressed the issue with him and he QUICKLY fixed it. She then made him choose between me or the baby. Like what in the world? He just stop communicating with her. Her grandmother would send pics to his email of his baby. His baby mother is crazy!!!!! And even one time i went to visit his hometown and she REFUSED to let him see the baby because of me. But now he is visiting before deployment (i couldn't go because i just had surgery but I'll go later this year) and she is going to see him EVERYDAY. lol. I'm not the least bit worried about him cheating. But will this EVER end? I was thinking once she moves on and finally considers my husband a lost. She just keeps trying to break us up.


Mrs. Waters 2 years ago

I've been datn this guy for three months now. He has four grown children & one child in elementary. The youngest child's mother always call & txt him late @ night, but he never answers the damn phone. He explained to me that he haven't been intimate with her in six yrs., but why would she be calling him @ 2:00 a.m.?? I have met his mother, brother, two of the other children, and many of his friends. I really wanna be with this man & he say he love me, but I can't deal with her mess. She don't have a man so I don't know what to do........


carly83 2 years ago

Me & my baby dad have been together for 2 years now we live together also he has one child from someone else before we knew each other my problem is his BM want let him get his child at all because he is wit me even though he take very good care of his child his BM lives with her grandma & dats da only way he can see his child he have 2 go 2 her gma house & her son birthday is coming up she told him he can't bring my baby 2 the party (his brother)& I'm 2 da point I'm ready 2 check her because I jux dnt like how she keep doing him about that baby & I have always been nice to her & she still dnt want the baby around me & my BD is a good man 2 me he made sure she knew all about me & how much he cared for me it jux bother me sometime because I feel like he could do something about how she treat him when it comes to that baby he jux always say God gone handle her but I think he need to put his foot down!!!!!


Kim15 2 years ago

Hi..I've been dating my boyfriend for about 10 months. I'm worried because I believe he still love and mess around with his bm... They've been together for 14yrs and separated for about 5 years and have 4 children together... I wasn't insecure until he lied about her hanging out at his place regularly with the kids because the kids live with him and she is very much involved with family gatherings and events together... that he never include me in, how can our relationship grow if bm is so much involved, he says he loves me and eventually get married, but it seems impossible when their relationship is so close...


Jade 2 years ago

Another author on this site said something that is sooo KEY...be sure that you are fully informed of the situation...My children's father and I had been off & on for years before I even found out that he was dating someone else..She knew about me but I knew nothing of her & Im sure she would post on a subject like such but things were never as they seemed...He was playing both sides of the fence & decieving her & I just to keep us both around. Im sure she may have heard us argue a time or 2 or read an angry text message both what couple doesn't go through that? But we were co-parenting in a relationship...my point is just that things aren't always what they seem. Like that author said "people don't act crazy for no reason". He was just a dog lol


stressed 2 years ago

I've been dating my boyfriend for 5 years living with him for 4 and just 2 weeks ago found out he had an affair and had a child with another woman the little girl will be 3 in august but she texts me talking about he is a loser and I need to leave him then she texts me again saying stay with him he loves you and then goes and tell my man I won't stop texting her I honestly don't want anything to do with her or him but I love him and want to work things out but she is crazy and still has very hard feelings for him she said they dated for a year he said he was drunk it was one night I don't know what to belive


keri 2 years ago

I've been dealing with my boyfriend for 11 months now, I'm 6 months pregnant (I know kinda early) and we are engaged. He has a bm in which he was dating for 8 years and together they conceived two kids ages 2 and 3. She's best friends with all his sisters and mother in which the sisters don't care for me they engage in small talk on Facebook statuses about me knowing I'm pregnant with his child and just adding to the pregnancy stress. They have once to ask about my child or its well being... recently I tried to contact his bm to get on common grounds because overall our kids are gonna be siblings so to form at least a cordial foundation for the kids only so each party can be civil towards each other for the kids sake... well I ask him to ask her if it would be okay for me to get her number since she blocked me on facebook and instead of her replying with yes or no she goes to write a Facebook status about me... of course long and behold his sisters jump to the rescue speaking nonsense. No to mention the reason for them not liking me is all due to "loyalty" they feel as though it would be "two faced" of they were friends with the bm and myself so they chose to be friends with her In which honestly I couldn't give two f*cks about but the fact that they don't want pretty much in my eyes anything to do with my son is beyond me. For "Father's Day" she made a photo collage with a family portrait as well as other pictures of the kids and him and posted it to his Facebook in which he found nothing disrespectful about that... I just need help figuring out if I need to run or just withstand the storm. I recently kicked him out because he to me was just all around disrespectful in addition to the bs I have to put up with his bm and sisters just all around stress...any help..?


Tiffani 2 years ago

I recently had a baby by someone I was messing with for 2yrs. I found out he had another girl pregnant the same time as me and our kids are 5 months apart. He currently lives with her but she doesn't know about me. He comes and visits his son but I still don't feel it's enough. It's like he keeps me and his son a secret(I'm the last bm) and he came and saw me still flirts and we end up having sex. How do I go about the situation going forward? I dislike him but still am attracted to him but I know he probably won't stop messing with her either even though he has told me he doesn't love her.


christy 2 years ago

ive been dealing with this guy since march of this year. he has a bm tht he says hes not with. hes been with me everyday since march. he just went to jail nd alot of shit is coming out the blue. he want his babymama to be there for him sges willing to put everything up for him to get out of jail. I told him tht im losing myself by being with him nd he says he csnt just be my friend. what do he want me to do sit in the visiting room wit her


Terry 2 years ago

I've been with my now soon do be sons father for 2 years now I know his daughter and she absolutely loves me but baby mamma hates me always calls him at 3am n he says it's about there "daughter" she calls n texts me saying she's still seeing him n sends me screen shots of dirty messages they send to each other he claims there fake messages she is the type to make fake messages judging by the fact she's done it with me saying I text her ....she calls n texts him all the time for any little reason about there daughter I find it to be an excuse to get his attention but in his eyes that's ok if it's about his daughter then it's Fine he always says im being ridiculous n just don't like her he doesn't like me answering her calls or going thru his phone cause he says I'm just looking for something i don't know wHat to do at the point


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tarkishat 2 years ago Author

Hi Terry, looks to me like you have a serious situation on your hands. You told him how you feel about his Baby Mama calling at all hours of the night, (by the way that is not normal) and he doesn't see it as a problem? Now it's all up to you. Either you deal with it or you tell him and his Baby Mama to kick rocks. By the way it's kind of hard to make fake messages up if she's showing them to you and they have his phone number attached. If she is going through all that trouble to get him in trouble with you and he doesn't have a problem with that then there relationship is more than about his daughter. Keep your head up and make the decision that's right for you and yours.


Dellla 2 years ago

What if his baby mama texts his phone every once in a while with her feelings saying it should be her dating him and carrying his second child.? I'm a little confused because he seem to fall into her mind games and tend to push me away. What should I do I need some good advice. We had a wedding date set but with him worrying about what her and her family will think he pushed it wayyyyyy back, I mean don't get me wrong I love this man with everything I know that he is my soulmate but i'm confused on what I should do in situations like this.


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tarkishat 2 years ago Author

Hi Dellla, if he's falling into her mind games and worrying about her family then who is he planning on marrying, you or her? I mean what is that? Soul mate or not there are some things y'all need to get squared away before anybody walks down that aisle. You really don't want to take that crazy mess into a marriage. You two really need to sit down and talk. I mean really talk, and ask him if this, (meaning you and him in a marriage) is what he really wants or is he just going along with it to make you happy. Both of y'all need to be happy with this decision. Best of luck to you.


Broken 2 years ago

hello everyone I just need some advice my daughters father and I have been dating for 2 years we moved pretty fa hi baby is 1 years old he keeps dwelling on the fact how fast we moved I told him he should get past that during this time we have been through so much with him lying and dealing with other femaless, saying he wanted a relationship but in all actuality he did not this finally came out after our baby was born. he's a type of man when you are pregnant by him he feels as though that's a turnoff I thought that this will go away once the baby was born but his feelings are pretty much still the same he told me in a recent conversation that his feelings aren't the same as mine he wants to be co parents and have a partnership in this time he still constantly wants to do family things,take s me out weekly. we show our sexual but most of the time I have to make the moon he likes my aggression but I am sick and tired of it all it's like we're playing house for everyone else but when it comes to him and I we aren't together but everybody elses eyes we are. I love this man but not enough to continually be treated less than what I deserve. everytime I have these conversations with him he gets better and things kinda goes right back to the same. I forgot to mention his mother plays a big role in all of this all the way from south. I don't know if age makes a difference but she is 47 years old never been married never had a serious relationship and I am the first woman to demand things with him. am I wrong?


Broken 2 years ago

I apologize for all the typos I have a phone that's not too great . I meant he is 47 years old


Ann 2 years ago

I am with my boyfriend for 14 years. We split up for a while last year at which time he had a fling with a girl 30 years younger than him! When we got back together, he learned that she got pregnant and after a lot of fighting we realized that we love each other too much to stay apart, and chose to work through it. The problem was that he let the mother live in his house through the pregnancy so that he wouldn't lose his child if she took her out of the country. I agreed with that. The mother knows that he has a girlfriend now, and he never has sex with her after he got her pregnant. The age difference is just too great, and he feels like a total idiot for letting it happen in the first place.

My problem is that I get jealous of her with him, right now while she is still in his home. He is perfectly attentive to me, we have sex regularly and I now he loves me. I just need help with patience while he finds her a place of her own for her and the baby, and he moves in with me. I don't want to drive him away, but I do get jealous and insecure.


Heartbroken 2 years ago

Me n my ex bf were together for 6 months we got together like a month before his baby mama had her baby after she had her baby all hell broke loose . She made it so if he wasn't with her he couldn't see his child so we broke up all because if her . Eventually we tried again because we thought it would work out cause he finally stood up n told her that they were through . So my ex baby mama lives 2 hours away she had come down here for summer n we broke up again because of her , he still calls & texts me telling me he loves me n misses me but he is with her . Now they are together n the other night he called me he hasn't talked to me in almost a month cause when he is in a relationship with her he can have no communication with his "exes" so we haven't talked but he recently called me ,I guess they got into a fight n broke up , so we have been talking for almost a week n then one day he completely stops talking to me again I do not hit him up or anything . I found out that they got back together , I'm just confused of what to think I am in love with this guy I just don't know what to do anymore . Should I just give up an move on ? Or keep waiting around ?


Aunnie1985 2 years ago

Me and kids father was together for four years, until I found out that he had another baby which he denied and also denied ours as well. Not only that he had his mother deny them to. I've talked to his other baby momma she not only told me everything that I was suspecting about him she still talking and sleeping with her ex as well. But he had to change his number, stop the calls, texts and giving our children support. He isn't man enough to call to apologize for this happening or have the balls to come around. Like I told his other baby momma she can have that headache back again, go through his phone etc. I just wanna know why deny them now because he's back with her. We got played but who is the dummy now....


fanny 2 years ago

Hi I'm waiting for ur advise


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tarkishat 2 years ago Author

Hi Fanny, I do not see a comment from you, maybe you used another name. If so let me know and I'll respond back as soon as possible. Sorry for the wait.


sierra 2 years ago

Im so glad i found this site. My boyfriend and i have been dating for 3 months when we got together i knew he had a possible child on the way. When he spoke upon having a possible child he said his cousin could be the childs father as well as he could. So his son was born the other day and things have started to change. The baby mama constantly calling wanting to know his where abouts and so on. But the baby mama cant stand me we had words or what not but i've tried to put the issues aside and be a woman about the situation but everytime i turn around her and her cousins talking about my boyfriend and i on facebook. Im fed up at this point and to young to be stressed so what should i do?


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tarkishat 2 years ago Author

Hi Sierra, I'm glad you found this site too. Lol! Okay, so until your boyfriend puts his foot down with Baby Mama, this situation is only going to get worst. I hope he gets a DNA test done if Cuz could be the father. He needs to get that taken care of as soon as possible. As far as the Facebook mess, let her talk. You have something she wants is all.


Anon 2 years ago

Hi tarkishat!

I have a question, my boyfriend has been together for over a year off and on. Right now it is very serious and he has filed for divorce from his wife. During the process she went to see him while he was highly intoxicated and he got her pregnant (I was at a different state) long story short, she is about to give birth within the month. This entire time she has been sayin she misses him and loves him even before he got her pregnant and he keeps telling her that he isn't in love with her anymore. Ever since I came in the picture, she refused to get a divorce, but before that she was willing to sign. I'm afraid he'll leave me and stay with her for the sake of the child. He was scared about divorce before because of his religion but he wasn't happy. I'm afraid she will continue to pursue him and keep his money as a leash around him. I'm asking is should I not even worry. We've talked pretty much everyday and cried numerous times. He's claimed he's trying his best to win back my trust and to prove himself to me. I'm slowly trying to trust him again but I'm afraid of losing him. Should I not even worry about this? Should I just trust him and let it all work out? Thank you, I hope to hear from you soon. I'm glad I'm able to find your site. :)


Ceejay 2 years ago

My situation goes like this. I've been with my fiancée for a year now. He has a 3 year old son and I also have a 3 year old son from a previous relationship.

When my boyfriend and I first met he told me the story about him and his baby mama and how it all ended. They went out one time she got pregnant they stay together. After she had the baby she you would go out drinking all the time and basically decided not to be a mom. My fiancé raise his son for the first two years of his life alone. When him and I first started dating she found out about us because he told her and that's when she decided that she wanted to come back to her sons life and be a mom. I of course being a mother myself wanted her to know who was spending time with her son so I introduced myself, it didn't go as planned, it sounded to me like she appreciated the fact that I did that but towards the end of our conversation she made a comment about me being careful not to hurt my fiancé or she would come after me; she said that it was a joke. Anyway I didn't speak to her after that All communication was strictly between my fiancé and her I never spoke to her after that. Maybe a few months later I had realized that she was stalking my Instagram and texting my fiancé and starting a fight with him about something that I had posted. I decided to block her from all my social media and that started at even bigger fight because she said that she had the right to follow anybody that was posting pictures about her son. Now this whole time she's also in her own relationship with a 30-year-old man who also has four kids. Recently my fiancé filed a protective order against her boyfriend because she had said that her boyfriend was hitting her in front of my fiancé son. (Her boyfriend has a criminal record) we both felt like that was not a good environment for my fiancé son to be in When they went to court she sat on the stand and said that she had exaggerated the whole thing and it was not true. My fiancé ended up losing the case because the judge ruled it is hearsay. This week my fiancé finally moved into my apartment. Being that I have a son of my own and knowing that my fiancé has a son of his own I decided to fix up my sons room so that I can fit both boys in there. Now my apartment is a loving home for the four of us. The drama starts again, since my fiancé now informed his baby mama that he lives with me she is now demanding that she'd have my background check. She says that she needs to have it because she wants to make sure that I'm a good enough person to be around her son and that it's only fair that she have it because her boyfriend's information was given to the courts when they went for their protective order case. I told my fiancé to tell her now she's not getting it because she has no legal grounds to obtain now is just never ending because she just won't let it go she won't stop harassing us. I am starting to lose my patience with this woman I don't know what to do please advise me.


Cecile27 2 years ago

Hey Tarkishat, brace yourself for the drama I'm about to expose some of which has been cut short here goes..... I met my almost 2 yr old son's father in 2010 when I was 21 literally on the day my ex of 5 years dumped me for a girl I once called my friend so as you can imagine I was extremely heart broken, anyway I left my home that evening refusing to be depressed at home to only be stopped by this great looking guy it felt like he was heaven sent at the time, we exchanged numbers etc and started meeting up texting soon after I realised a pattern that he was just after 1 thing he was my 1st f buddy so it took a while for me to clock on also as I wasn't looking for anything serious either due to my heartbreak. So time went on before I knew it its been 2 years this has been happening for so I came to the conclusion in December 2012 that I was going to end this sexual relationship we had to only find out that I was pregnant..... This is when the real drama started, on the day I found out I was pregnant we were meeting up anyway so I broke the news to him and he was so comforting said it would be ok and I was so shocked at that response, the next day he asked me "what I was going to do"? I knew within myself from the minute I found out that I was going to keep my baby with or without him, so I told him and that's when he started the malicious communication, he had suddenly revealed that he wasn't single that he had a girlfriend he was "practically married" that he had 3 other kids and that I didn't know him what made me feel so special to be the 4th baby mother?, that he had an sti and that he gave it to me which was a lie because i got my self tested and all was clear. My world started crushing down on me baring in mind I was pregnant. So from there onwards it was horrific he was trying with every inch of himself to get me to have a termination at times I was considering it just so I wouldn't have to deal with drama and such a nasty person but I had to remind myself that I am strong enough to not make the weaker decision. Time went pregnancies growing on I remained positive despite  everything he was saying to me so I finally asked him if he was going to tell this girlfriend of his about the baby and his response was "no she would kill herself because of everything he has put her through in the past 5years" no comment to that, so I said ok but don't you think the truth will come out at some point? In addition to everything he still wanted to sleep with me during all of this is happening, anyway one day a few weeks before I gave birth I went to his house to find the girlfriend there she opened the door and I asked if he was in she said no so I then introduced myself and told her the truth about everything as I felt it was only right, he later found out that night that I had spoken to the girlfriend and asked me why I had done it, I felt that she had the right to know and then could do what she wanted with the news after, I shouldn't have been the bearer of the news but I didn't like to be treated like a dirty little secret as he had lied about who he really was all that time and he was still trying to sleep with me. So they broke up He hated me after this point he was provoking me asking me to go to his house to meet him to talk when he wasn't there and I was heavily pregnant he done this on three occasions so in time I started to feel nothing but sheer bitterness towards him at how he could be so evil and nasty towards someone it was such an emotional and horrible pregnancy luckily my son was so good to me smooth pregnancy smooth short labour he was now born August 2012. I was getting harassed for dna test which I refused to do for a while but then decided to do it otherwise I'd look like I was hiding something, results came back he tried to act like he wasn't the father so I ordered myself a copy and he was 99.99 the father he said "he wished he was dead"!. December 2012 was the last time I had seen him and he had only seen our son twice, him and his girlfriend apparently got back back together and had a baby since then. During the time of January 2013 to may 2013 I felt an urge of avengace I hated him for treating my son the way he did and turning his back on my son I was afraid of being a single mum and being judged upon everything as he made it out to all be my fault till this day he has not apologised to me for all the emotional damage he caused me I'm not holding my breathe for that. So anyway I was so angry I started emailing him about how he was a dead beat dad etc and all the insults in the world I started to message the so called girlfriend about her waste man that he would treat her the same way after he's been through 4 baby mothers, I had literally lost the plot, it got to the point when it was draining the life out of me and I realised that I was only hurting myself so I stopped  the messaging and I stopped sending pictures of our son from his 1st birthday and just started living my life like it's golden. Time went on by I was getting happier and stronger until he got back in contact may 2014 via email we briefly spoke about our son and about all the drama that happened but yet I feel like he's still trying to play games with me because I am not paying him no mind and I'm not asking him for help with anything like I'm just being independent in every way without his help.he still tries to talk down to me and treat me in a manipulative manner which I don't like, he's failing to have some sort of respect for me as the mother to his child I am biting my teeth and being civil for the sake of my son and being decent enough towards him but I feel that he has an undisclosed issue with me that he can't seem to project. I've moved into my own flat now and just happy raising my son he's been wanting my address but I'm a bit reluctant to give it out to him as I don't trust him whatsoever not that he would cause us harm but just because he may try to turn up randomly etc as he already tried to manipulate me in saying "I'm coming to see my son before bed what's your address"? . We recently Met up last week since him getting back in contact with us and I'm feeling really emotional and confused as if I still like him after all the drama which is not cool but the more I reject this feeling the worse it'll get I don't understand if this is normal or just plain stupid? My son's father seems to  always want a reaction out of me i don't know why? he hasn't mentioned his girlfriend or there daughter but once and that was it it wasn't even in a sense of where they're still together but that's none of my business anyway and I haven't asked about them either because he also never personally told me about them being back together, he's also coming across demanding and dictating things he doesn't consider my schedule or the fact that I have a life too he expects me to say how high when he says jump.. i don't want to be that bitter babymother the one that gets called a B**ch I've made my mistakes and have surely learnt from it. I sincerely apologised to him for the crazy behaviour and he said he would pass it on all I want is peace and a non complex friendship/communication with my son's father  I feel like I need some serious advice with this one I don't wanna go back down that unhappy route again. SOS!!!!


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tarkishat 2 years ago Author

Hi Anon,

You have a real situation on your hands. I'm just guessing, but he's still married right? If so, he got his wife pregnant and you have every right to worry. Have you ever heard him actually tell his wife that he does not love her anymore. I'm just saying he could tell you anything. If he is still living with her, then they are a family and he's not going anywhere. You can sit there and wait it out, if you really trust him. I say hope for the best, prepare for the worst.


hsimeona17 2 years ago

Hi tarkishat

I just had a daughter march of this yr by a man a been seeing for over 2 yrs . Its been so crazy in this short time. He has 4 children and they are by two different mothers,his youngest child he lied and said it was his nephew cuz he did want me to know he had another kid. I got man n got over it . I been through a lot with him trying to get custody of his at the children and then wen I tell him in October I'm pregnant and keeping it . He got mad and said leave him alone and don't have it. WellI didt listen so I had her she was a preemie but healthy. He is giving me a hard time wit signing birth certificate and paying anything to help with her. I'm so done . He only will see her if I sleep with . I'm ready to leavehim alone n do it by my self.


hsimeona17 2 years ago

Sorry for the typeos .


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tarkishat 2 years ago Author

Hi Ceejay,

Here's my advice. Ignore her ignorant azz. Girl live your life with your man and your kids. Be the best mother, step mother and wife you can possibly be. Keep the drama out of your home. She does not want to see her ex happy at all. How do you keep a jealous trick jealous? Just keep doing you. Let your fiancé deal with her. Background Check? Lmao! Bye Felicia! For real.


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tarkishat 2 years ago Author

Hi hsimeona,

Girl you do not need him to sign a birth certificate. You need him to sign that child support check. Any man that turns his back on his child is a sorry sucka in my eyes. You can do bad by yourself. Keep it moving and get that check from his lying azz. Smdh!


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tarkishat 2 years ago Author

Hi Cecile27,

No! Hurry! Run the other way! This guy is trash. He wants you back as a part of his harem. Don't you even think about it. He's a manipulator and a con artist. Do not give him your address. Meet his azz at McDonald's or something.Do not fall back into his trap. Who lies about giving someone an STD? That's just ignorant right there. He obviously does not like to wear condoms, so is he really worth risking your life over. You're so blessed that you had a healthy baby and congrats on that by the way. But sleeping with him again could be really bad. You have no clue who he's been with. So keep your distance and let him be.


Lisa 2 years ago

My baby's father and I were still having sex while I was pregnant we weren't n a relationship but he led me on to think that he might actually have feelings for me asking me do I love him ,holding my hand ,not wanting me to be with other guys(maybe this was due to the fact that i was pregnant with his child idk). So a month ago a few weeks before i had my son I was in the mood and text him to come over and he said,

'I cant I'm going to hang out with (our sons godfather his best friend)'

And then a second later

'Or Jessica (not the girls real name)'

I asked him who Jessica was and he told me this girl he been talking to that they haven't defined they're relationship yet and he's not sure if they ever will.

I felt so hurt that he was dismissing me as if our nine months if being together meant nothing I didn't want to be a FWB he put me in that position had sex with me after I told him i can't have sex and not get attached, that i rather be just friends. Not only did he lead me on he was having sex with other girls too.

Out of jealousy and hurt from being rejected I messaged this girl on Facebook and my motive was to show her just what type of guy he was how he used girls as place holders and then treats them like they never mattered after he used them. I never once called her names but she was just plain insulting, judging me for not having a diploma stating that she was in college when it had nothing to do with the situation. I told her he was texting her while he was at my house just after having sex with me (sometime before I found out about Jessica is saw a message from her pop up on his tablet but i didn't think any of it.) Well she didn't care in fact I think she knew about my baby father and i having sex which I thought extremely disrespectful him talking to a girl he just met about out my sex life. After she talked down on me I got upset and told her 'well I just wanted you to know because we get into arguments all the time and end up hooking up again.'

It was childish I admit. She decided to add my baby father to the conversation and he just put me down like i was so dumb to think he ever wanted to be with me and tried to make himself look like the good guy. Anyways long story short there I ended up looking like a fool realizing that he loved this girl not me that he rather be with this girl he just met than the mother of his child. The fact that he was jumping into a relationship with a newborn on the way made me angry too we are teenagers relationships are distractions with us they consume you, i thought it selfish. What girl doesn't want to be took out on dates bought cute gifts and I knew I would be pissed if he spent a dime on this girl with our son here. He had plans to go to the army ( which went away suddenly after he and this girl got together.)and got a job at Wal-Mart which he lost and then enrolled in college. He is a good provider my son has everything he needs but what's bugging me is the fact that I told him I don't want my son around this girl and he is not respecting it. If this girl has no respect for me I don't think she has a right to see my son plus we are only teenagers I don't see their relationship lasting so is it wrong for me not to see the point in my son being around her? I feel like when my son is with his father it should be a time just for them why would she be there anyways? My son is two weeks and i haven't let his father take him anywhere mainly because I'm breastfeeding and he's young but i told him once I stop breastfeeding at six months he can have his unsupervised visits. Im just worried he will have my son around this girl that I don't trust. I would be willing to let her meet my son if I truly believed they were long term but we are young. Am I being wrong in my worries? I am just not a trusting person.


Haz3l 2 years ago

Ok...I've known my boyfriend 15yrs plus. We were friends with benefits for maybe 3yrs then lost touch for about 11yrs, found one another like a yr ago. Found out he had been with his ex for 10yrs and had 3 children with her. She had a baby 5months old when they met, which he claimed as one of his own because his father wasn't around. Long story short we're together been together a year in Nov. She has disrespected my home, hit my car. I've fought her (which im too grown for) but had to earn my respect (i thought). She damages his things. And she don't want their children around me for no reason. She is nothing but drama. Even tho they're not together he does ANYTHING for his children that she asks, even the child that isn't his. Now because we're together she wants to put him on child support. So he now works out of state, and when he comes home after 3 weeks at a time he wants to spend time with his children. Bt she wont let him because she says im going to be around. Sooo, the father of the son thats not his pops up into the childs life. She wants to throw it up in his face that her son is with his REAL dad, which hurts his feelings, now school is back in he tells her to tell his dad he needs school clothes and not him. Bit because he loves the child he still does for him......My question is how am i suppose to feel about this? I feel like she's hurting him with his children because of me, also i feel she doing him wrong and hes still doing what she wants him to do....Im confused. I'm 32, he's 37 and she's 35


goldeneyes69 2 years ago

Feeling disrespected

I'm I wrong for feeling this way? Today I took my son to his family reunion on his dad side. I was given a formal invitation from my son's dad to come and have fun with his family. Since July my son's dad and I have grew closer and have decided that we want to grow closer together with us potential building a relationship. We tell each other that we love each other and we also make love on a regular basis. For me today all of that went out the window. Yes, he invited me to come and I've talk to him several times before I arrived, not once did he tell me that the other baby mama was there. I wouldn't have bother me that she was there because yes she is the mother of his 2 other children, however that wasn't the vibe I was getting. She made it known to me that they are a bit closer than what he had me to believe. She called him babe several times and each time he responded. He didn't correct her not once. Keep in mind that this is the first family reunion that my son and I attended with him and I felt uncomfortable because of not knowing anyone except him. Normal when I'm coming to meet or see him, he normally comes to the car to greet me with a hug and a kiss, that wasn't the case today. When I mention it to him he tries to hug me. I ask him to fix me a plate, which he did however instead of him handing it to me, he gives it to my son to pass down to me. Not once did he come and sit next to me to talk to me. I sit there by myself playing on my phone. He sits and next to and talk with his other baby mama the entire time. When he did get up he would talk to me as he walks by. I didn't say anything, however I did get my son and we left as I hand enough of being second to NOT best. As of this moment he has not called or text to ask me anything. Am I wrong for feeling disrespected and ending what I thought could be a potential relationship? For me actions speak louder than words. I'm not insecure or jealous as I have no reason to be. I'm a person that have a 0 tolerance policy for liars.


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tarkishat 2 years ago Author

Hi Lisa,

No you're not wrong to worry. You are a new mother and congrats by the way. Being a new mother will make you want to protect your child by any means necessary. If this girl really loves your Baby Daddy then she would show you some respect in order for you to feel comfortable with having your son around her. He needs to talk to her and you about squashing this mess that he created so that you all can be positive parents in your child's life. Now as for you Ms. Lisa, he did you wrong, but he's a good father, now leave it there. If you keep having sex with him, you're going to keep getting hurt. He's moved on to another relationship and so should you. Be ready though, he's not gonna want your new man around his son either. I know you all are young, but having a child forces you to grow up quick. Best of luck to you and the baby.


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tarkishat 2 years ago Author

Hi Goldbeneyes69,

You have a reason to feel disrespected. He's laying up with you and his other baby mama. He obviously knows her personality. He knew that if he treated her the way he treated you at the family reunion, she would have snapped on him, right in front of Mother, brother, sister, uncle and cousin. He knew who he could get away with this with. So I say this, stop giving him your goodies if you can't be #1. Let him be a father to his child, but you deserve to be treated like a queen, red carpet and all. Never forget that there is a man out there made just for you. Don't be sad, this was him showing you that he is not the one. Keep your head up Queen, your King is somewhere waiting.


Trina 2 years ago

My kids father is in jail, he has several girlfriends and 3 baby mothers. He tells me he wants to be with me but assuming he tells the other girls the same thing. I want to be with this man, but it's drama. He tells me to not worry he only tells them what the want to hear so they can be around to take care of him but in confused. I don't want to keep pressuring him to not talk to them , but should I say something? I need him to know I'm serious or I'm going to leave or should I just wait it out until he comes home?


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tarkishat 2 years ago Author

Hi, Trina,

What you waiting for? Girl you'll be waiting forever. Listen to your first mind, because it seems to have all the answers. You deserve to be a man's Queen. Never settle for anything less than that. I understand that you love him. Let him be a father to your children, but if he can't be the man you need him to be then he has to kick rocks. You're not asking for much. Talk to him and let him know how you feel and if he can't change, then you can do bad all by yourself. Best of luck to y'all.


Dreya 24 months ago

I have 3 kids 3 baby dads. I have recently had my third kid with my 3rd baby dad. We have only been together for 6 months and I got pregnant. We broke up, and got back together after I had my baby. He helps me with the other kids. He also has other kids. He has 1 baby mom that he doesn't talk to and 1 that I believe he still talks to. There's also an ex who keeps posting old post with him and her on social media, he said he doesn't talk to her but she seems to believe their still in a relationship. He comes home every night and seems that's the only thing that matters. I want to love him unconditionally and keep my family, but I'm scared that he's cheating and will leave me. He thinks I'm talking to other guys and accuses me of cheating and being bored with him, and I'm not. He asks me if I'm good enough for him? And I'm not understanding why he's asking me these questions. He asked me to have another baby with him but we're struggling. And barely having enough to maintain. I want to fight for my relationship, but I want him to know I'm serious, I can leave and take care of my kid and other kids by myself but I love my family and I'm torn. I need help! I want a man who knows my worth, who doesn't disrespect me and allow these girls to post pics, are just around. How do I tell him without giving him an ultimatum?


kk 22 months ago

I am my baby dad second baby momma. Me and him do not get along for nothing. He lies about EVERYTHING. The whole time I was pregnant. I didn't know he was with his first baby momma. He has not been in my daughter life but has been in the other two life. He did the same thing to her. Know they together and she and I argue about if the baby is his baby or not. Which she is. He knows that. He's telling her I want him and that the DNA test we took fake. Which is real. The first baby momma just believe what ever he say. I hope once. We go to to court this time he would just be honest. I don't know what to do with him. He find excuse to run off. I feel he is with that baby momma because he can really just tell her anything literal.


aeshya 21 months ago

I have a man and he has baby momma drama. She refusing to let him see his only son but demands that be sends money for him. And his mother agrees with his baby momma. I wanna cuss him and his momma out. What should I do


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tarkishat 21 months ago Author

Hi Dreya, sorry it took me so long to respond. Girl as long as he taking care of home, you just let them other chicks keep wishing they were you. Keep the communication open between you and him so that if he feels the need to tell you something he will. You can't worry about the future, because tomorrow is not promised to any of us. If you don't feel that the two of you are ready for another child, then by all means, put that on the back burner. As for the questions he's asking, I do think it's a little odd and may take some looking into. Just ask him, why is he asking you this and how it makes you feel when he asks you stuff like that. Wishing you and them babies nothing but the best!


Terri 21 months ago

Is it possible to be with a man who is your baby dad who is cheating, although not in a relationship? Let me explain. My baby dad has other kids, wants me to commit to him, but he doesn't commit to me. He has other chicks and wants me to wait. I seen the above comment for the other girl about waiting forever. Guys don't want other girls they just want any girl who wants them. If I have all the answers, why am I so torn. I want to be able to tell him. But if he feels like he's trapped by our family he will leave. How can I make him stay, with out the drama from other girls and other baby mommas? Every girl wants their family, and I really don't know what to do, expect give him an ultimatum? And why should I have to tell him I want that commitment, and stability when he knows already, how can I make it clear to him. Never cheated, or lied to him. Am I doing the right thing or am I to committed ?


Pam90 20 months ago

So my boyfriend of 3 years on and off has a 6 month old baby by another woman. This woman kicked him out of the hospital when she had her because he wanted a DNA test . Like wtf ! He finally got one and come to find out the baby is his so now here it is 6 months later and now all of a sudden she wants him back in her life. She keep calling the house phone popping up at his work really trying to get with him. So my question is do you think he will leave me for his baby mamma?


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tarkishat 20 months ago Author

Hi Pam90,

This right here is a question only he can answer. If your relationship is strong and the communication between you two about this whole situation is good. Then I say no. But if you have doubt then you should speak with your man about it so you will not be caught off guard by any lagging feelings for Baby Mama. Here's a little advice, seeing that this is in fact his child. You should become very supportive of his relationship with his child. Hey even get the child a gift to show that you are okay with him being a father to his child. The reason for this is so he does not have to hide his feelings and what he is doing for his child behind your back. Once he starts sneaking around to see his child because you can't take the relationship, then chances are he'd rather cut off from you to be with the kid. As for Baby Mama, don't argue with her, let her argue with herself. He has to be the one to let her know that the relationship is over and it's all about the child now. That's for him to tell her. Not you. If you trust him to make the right decisions then this should work out well. If you don't trust him as far as you can see him regarding this situation, then you should just let him go now. Trust is very important in a relationship.


Tasha 19 months ago

I need some help or advice on my situation. my boyfriend has 4 kids with 4 different women. I am not allowed around his kids because their mothers feel I am too young immature and don't know what I want in life. I am in my mid twenties and my boyfriend is in his early thirties. I'm pretty sure his kid's mothers are around his age. I have been called every name under the sun. my boyfriend and I have been together for 6 months.my boyfriend wants me to meet his kids but he doesn't want his baby mamas to make his life miserable. they are so bad that we can't even post on each other's fb or make our relationship fb official because they will stalk me. please tell me what I should do if they is anything that can be done


Tasha 19 months ago

I need some help or advice on my situation. my boyfriend has 4 kids with 4 different women. I am not allowed around his kids because their mothers feel I am too young immature and don't know what I want in life. I am in my mid twenties and my boyfriend is in his early thirties. I'm pretty sure his kid's mothers are around his age. I have been called every name under the sun. my boyfriend and I have been together for 6 months.my boyfriend wants me to meet his kids but he doesn't want his baby mamas to make his life miserable. they are so bad that we can't even post on each other's fb or make our relationship fb official because they will stalk me. please tell me what I should do if they is anything that can be done


lovelyred 19 months ago

I have a question


laparis 19 months ago

just looking fir answers to my unanswered questions and I know I'm in the right place..so I've known my dude for about four years total and have been seriously dating him for about a year...We use to work together and in the beginning I couldn't stand him!!!! he had a wife at the Tyme we first started dealing.(which I'm not proud of) things went way further then they were supposed to go..so we were dealing for a few months until he just disappeared...(he went back to his wife)TWOO YEARS pasted before I saw him again he had two kids that I knew of but when he returned he had two MORE...one that he claimed was a made up baby. .but later told me that he did have a newborn....I know two of his babymomma's but the last one he won't let me met...he's says it's my attitude like I can can just hate this women and not even know her..REALLY.... I found love cards and stuff that's she's sent and etc....I don't get it??? I think he's hiding some thing from me when it comes to her...HELPPPP


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tarkishat 19 months ago Author

Hi Tasha,

It seems like you genuinely want to be apart of the relationship he has with his kids. Unfortunately if the kids' mothers don't want that to happen then it's not much you can do about it. I say continue to build on your relationship with your man and keep that going strong. Eventually they will realize, that you're not there to hurt the situation, but to help it. I don't believe in putting my relationship business on Facebook anyway. You know how you feel about your man and he knows how he feels about you, so why does everybody on Facebook have to know? That's just how I feel. You don't worry about what they say about you. Your one and only concern is your relationship with him and him only. Let him deal with his Baby Mamas. Lord help him cause he got 4 of them! Allow him to take care of his children. Keep the drama out of your relationship. My fiancée and I have been together for 5 years and last year was the first time I actually spoke on the phone to his son's mother. Now we exchange gifts on mother's day. When he speaks to her on the phone, I'm quiet, simply because, that's her time to inform him on how his son is doing. I don't have to make my presence known. I'm not in a relationship with her. I'm in a relationship with him. He gets all of my attention. Strengthen your relationship first and then work on building others. Thanks for your comment and I wish you nothing but the best.


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tarkishat 19 months ago Author

Hi laparis

Pheww! Girl! Why did you take him back? Let me get this straight. He cheated on his wife with you. He cheated on you with his wife and went back to her. He cheated on his wife and got a baby by another chick. Now he's on your doorstep and you think that he's hiding something? If you want to be with him, you can't worry about the lies and the cheating, because that is just what he is. A cheater and a liar. You know that. So my question is, what do you need help with? Girl send him and his problems back to his wife. Thanks for the comment laparis. Best of luck to you.


Elaine 17 months ago

I'm glad I found this website... I really need an advice... My bf and I were dating for over 2 yrs now. He has a son at that time was only 5 yrs old. I have girls of my own who are 9 and 16 now. We were fine when the boy's mom wasn't around.. She was in a different state and living with a husband and 3 kids from previous marriage. The BM found another guy and left the hubby and moved back here ... The new bf got in jail. The BM is a heroine addict and now she is always at my boyfriends apartment. She is not working and all she does is to be with my bf's son. I started getting paranoid that they might do something behind my back... Since she sleeps over at his place. I told my ng that he better not be sleeping with her because she used to sell herself just to get drugs. He told me that she is only in his son's life not his and he is not sleeping with her nor have any plans of sleeping with her. He also said that she is leaving too because that's the way she is. All our friends told me to trust him because they know that he's being truthful with me. I know I'm way way better than this BM. Do I need to be jealous and insecure?


valenzuela 16 months ago

OK my situation is a Lil complicated .I met this guy in college. We are in the same situation we both stay with our partners. .have a step kid n a 3 yr old kid.i have 2 girls n he has 2 boys..he stays with his bby momma n I stay with bby daddy. Problem is she found out about us 5months ago .and we'll we still continue seen each other.without her car ring .I knew it was wrong but we love each others company .well to get to the bottom of this he keeps saying he will move out but he hasn't cause his 3 yr old .but he seems to give her way to much respect. He says he will always care for her cause that's the child's mom.he also has an older son his 18 n he sees him once in a while.but he had a bad relationship with his other bby momma.n she don't allow him to be part of his older kid.so with this bby momma he has he keeps using the excuse of living at the right time.to avoid drama.or court.well last week she found out that we still been seen each other but it's clearly his still there...he tells me to have patience but idk...she said they been sleeping together but I'd if she's saying this out of anger or not.he said no n things are done.that the only reason he hides me is to avoid drama.what do u think. I really do love this guy.


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tarkishat 16 months ago Author

Hi Valenzuela,

So let me get this straight. He lives with his Baby Mama and you are currently living with your Baby Daddy?? Yeah you'reright , your situation is hella complicated. If the two of you really felt as strongly about each other as you say. There would be nothing that would keep you two from getting a place of your own while still making sure your children are taken care of. Okay so you don't want to believe that BM is still having sex with him? Ask yourself if you are still having sex with the man you're living with? If the answer is yes then there you go. You want him to move out, but where is he going to go? Is he going to stay with you and BD. Probably not. Are you ready to move out from your BD? Come on I'm just saying, is this relationship really worth breaking up two households? Think about it and get back at me. Thanks for the comment. I wish you all nothing but the best.


Naomidickiens 16 months ago

I need some advice !!! I been with my current boyfriend for over three years now . He has a six year old daughter of which she loves me very much . The child's mother and I keep it neutral ("hi & bye etc ") . Lately things have changed! Things have changed because of social media! I had post a comment on my Twitter account , and I guess someone that was friends with her say it and told her ( the person was mutual friend) . The post was not directed to her not or for her! Next thing I know , she tells my boyfriend I am not allowed to attend special-school event because she can not be in the presences of me . And tells the little girl negative comments about me and tells the child she can not spead time with her dad or I . That was very uncall for . My boyfriend was very upset about this but disobeyed her and took the child to spead time . He is a great father to his child . The baby mother now writes crap on her Facebook talking stuff about me and how if she sees me at a school event for the child she will fight me . I been very mature and not written anything about her because I do not need to or even talk about her . And she is basically putting all this drama on herself because it was not for her my post! That's what people do not understand about social media , if you put a comment-post they take it the wrong way . My boyfriend did speak to her about her issues . But I did not ask him about it because I didn't want to be nosey . My question is .. Now that she thinks this stuff is about her which is not , why she doesn't come and reach me out if she has a problem? Although I know she won't because she is going to feel stupid stalking my page (my page is private). How should I handle all this drama now with her ? I told my boyfriend I would gladly speak to her and he said no just let it be she has to get over it .


Taryn 15 months ago

I really need your help. My boyfriend and i have been together for 3 weeks and i have known him for 6 years. When we had just started talking he told me that he did have a daughter and that they are technically by law married, so him and they baby momma wanted a divorce and now that he has the papers for that she dosent want to sign them anymore becaue of me, and the baby momma is German and for some reason she dosent like me just cause im black, so she told him she didn't wanan sign the papers because she wanted to work on things with him for their daughter, and found out today that she is 6 or 7 months pregnant and he is not sure if its his. The baby momma threated to put him in jail because he is dating me while he still married, but she was hoeing around dating and having sex with other guys but he didn't want to put his daughter's mon is jail and idk what to with this situation, i understand that i will never come between him and his daughter and the baby momma but i just feel like im some kind of shadow, i asked him when he was coming back to town and all i got was idk and you know the baby momma will be with me and im scared to loose him because he is the best thing thats ever happened to me as my boyfriend and best friend idk what to do about this and i would really love it, if you could help me with this problem i have. This was very helpful by the way


Karene 14 months ago

Hi I've been dating this guy for 5 months and when we first started chatting he said he had 2 kids one 3yrs and the other 6months and him and his BM doesnt get along at all. A month later he confessed that his BM is actually 6months pregnant. The baby was born about 2 weeks ago and he went from staying with me to staying with her and says it's only until she's back to normal. He wouldn't tell me about some of their conversations where she threatens to move away with her kids whenever he he doesn't do what she wants. She acts as if she owns him. He would messsage me all the time even come spend the night sometimes. He also shared the birthing experience with me and would often send me pictures of kids. His BM doesnt have a stable job so apparently he doesn't take care of just his kids but her as well because whenever her credit runs low she'll call and this frustrates him. I'm confused as to weather I should just walk away or trust him and wait to see because I like him. They seem to be getting along good for now and i think she wants him back although he said he's not on that with her anymore because she loves drama. I just dont know what to think or do at this point. Situations like this are not easy to deal with.


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tarkishat 10 months ago Author

I'm sorry that I've been missing in action for a while. I've been working hard at finishing my first fiction novel; Scorpion Love available on Amazon. It's free to Amazon Prime and Kindle Unlimited members. Yay Me! Lol! Now I'm back to y'all. I've missed reading your stories of your Baby Mama Drama. For the rest of the week I will be responding to all posts everyday. Thanks for being patient with your girl.

-Kisha


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tarkishat 10 months ago Author

Hi Naomidickiens,

Social Media is the devil sometimes. What I would love to know is what exactly did you post on Twitter for her to take it so harshly that she wants to fight you. Never mind, I'm just being nosy. Lol! Nonetheless, you two need to have a sit down about this. There is a child involved and for her to not want her daughter around you or her father is crazy. Your words really hurt her feelings, even though they weren't meant for her. Okay I must know what did you say on Twitter. In order for me to know why she took it so hard and if there can be a resolve in this relationship. Having a non biased mediator there when you do sit down with her can really help you two solve this issue. The longer you stay quiet, the more guilty you look.

Thanks for the comment!


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tarkishat 10 months ago Author

Hi Taryn,

First off I will start by saying this; some relationships are worth fighting for, but this one my dear is not one of them. It's just too much going on and you will end up hurt.

1. He's still legally married.

2. He has a child and possibly one on the way.

3. His wife is not willing to let go of her husband.

4. I'm guessing they still live together.

5. You all live in a place that can put you in jail for aldutry. (WTF?)

I don't know about you, but there is no man or woman worth going to jail for. If he can't go out of town without his wife, it's because that's his wife and they are a family. Back away from him and this mess that he is in. If they are getting a divorce, let him take care of that, before trying to make a relationship with you. Remove yourself from this whole situation and if indeed he loves you as much as you love him he will find you once the dust has settled on his relationship with her. As of right now he is still married and you don't need to put your life on hold for no married man. Keep your head up and keep it moving girl. Thanks for the comment.


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tarkishat 10 months ago Author

Hi Karene,

You're absolutely right, situations like this are not easy to deal with. Here are just a few questions you have to ask yourself. Be honest with yourself and make your decision on if this is something you can deal with.

Are you willing to deal with a man who has 3 kids and a Baby Mama who is still in love with her children's father?

Are you willing to deal with this man that will spend the majority of his time at his Baby Mama's house for the kids sake.

Are you willing to deal with this man financially supporting his Baby Mama and children?

Are you willing to deal with this man being obligated to his Baby Mama and children for 18 years or more?

Are you willing to share half of your finances with this man in order for him to support his Baby Mama and children?Because that's what's going to happen if all of his finances are obligated to them. If you all move in together majority of the expenses will fall on you, unless he is financially stable enough to provide for two households for 18 years or more. You have to really be a strong minded, self assured, trusting individual to deal with the situation that you're in. Some people may even say you have to be a fool to put up with that much carp. It all depends on the individual and the task at hand. Relationships are work, no need to add Baby Mama Drama to it. I say keep it moving it Girl and tell him to holler at you in 18 years. Thanks for your comment.


michellelee 10 months ago

Okay so ive been dating this guy for 5months. He broke up with bm not long before getting with me. Im 18 hes 25. Shes brought up my age a lot. Well hes the most sweet caring loving guy.. but he just does not put her in her place. Ive got him to slowly but surely stop talking to her if its not about the kid. She finds every little thing to talk about. She harrasses me to so I got a protective order.. so now she wants him to meet her for a few hours so he can see his child with her there. I feel like hes gonna end up cheating with her if hes not already or something. Idk I have a bad feeling and shee honestly ruined my relationship. Im just not happy. I hear about her all the time she won't get out of my life. I have a doctor's apt in a week to find out if im pregnant and im dreading it. I dont want a child with him because my pregnancy will some how end up being about her. Everything is. I tell him I want to leave and he says hes trying.I do really love him. What do I do?


Windham 3 months ago

So my husband's bm calls me the other day and tells me she's moving my step son to a different school this year. She thinks she's suppose to be my friend and asks me to keep this conversation just between the 2 of us until she gets him transferred. I told her I would but at the same time I had my doubts, so when my husband got off of work I took his phone from him and sat him down and explained this stuff to him. We have been together 2 years compared to their 10. She just had a new baby and it seems that relationship is crumbling, it seemed to me she was trying to break the trust between me and my husband so she could try to come in between us. Their son means the world to me and I try to keep the peace as much as possible but at the end of the day I am on my husband's side... Now we have went to talk to a lawyer to see about getting custody... Did I do the right thing??


Adin 7 weeks ago

Hi so i recently started dating this guy about 5 months ago. He has a baby that is 6 months.now i know it was kinda crazy of me not to dig a little further into the relationship status of he and his childs mother but honestly i didnt think things would get serious with us this fast or if at all.i had plans for it to being nothing more than a phone convo play thing.but here i am deeply involved with this man im not 100 percent sure of. When we first start dealing she called my phone asking me questions and i lied to her and told we were nothing because for one again at that time we hadnt had sex and emotionally i felt nothing for him. I blocked his number and he came back.looking for me i told him.he should thank me for.not spilling the beans and to just go head.because i didnt have time for kinda crap.he kept pursing me. fast forward in time i eventually gave back in.a couple months later i received a text from her on his phone saying he has a family back ot which is in harrisburg being as though im from philly anyways and to stop contacting him. I didnt get the text until the morning which is when i confronted him about it he tells me that he left his phone on a charger and she went in it.then a couple weeks later i face time his phone accidently and he didnt answer but 20 minutes later she calls me back screaming at him demanding tell her who i am a scuffle insued and the phone hung up. I called him back he again gave me the i left my phone unattended crap.fed up from not getting anywhere with him i dmed her a message with my number and asked her to call me so we can get to the bottom of things instead she wanted to argue back and forth telling me they are very much in a active relationship and that he told him that i was his sister and that i was dealing with his brother sounds pretty weird and incest to me but whatever she never called. Next incident he and i were together and he left his phone with me and told me to answer because he was waiting on an important called and unstored number called and it was her and she got so upset and asked who was i and where was he. I wasnt petty i told her to hold on while i got him. She hung up and blew his phone up. He came back i told him she called and he said ok walked back out and took his phone with him no telling what lie he made up.but anyways he swears up and down they arent together i know she makes up stories because when we are together she pretends hes with her. She blows up his phone when he doesnt answer and question him on why he didnt.ask him on what takes him so long to answer if he doesnt pick up fast enough. Wants him to watch his kid at her house.calls for absolutely nothing in regards to their daugther all day at all times of the nite.spits on him and breaks his phones.calls his po and bleached his clothes on top of calling all around the world to his exes trying to get 411 on me. If she hears a girl in the back she blows up his phone and try to remain on there with him for as long as possible. Yea he answers for her in front of me he didnt us to at first.

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    Comments 95 comments

    sam 4 years ago

    guys i'm in relationship with the woman she got a baby and i love her more than love and i love her child so much but me i got nothing isn,t acceptable.


    lovelyc 2 years ago

    I have a problem my man of 5yrs keep going to his babymomma for help but insist nothing is going on with them butnote his car is register in her name all his mail goes to her house including she was doing his time-punch in for his job I told him I am his woman and he should come to me for these things but he don't she recently is going thur an eviction and told him its his fault how can that be when we been staying together for the past 1 1/2 and she has her bills and he has his own bills here at our house im sooo frustrated and unsure if this relationship is worth carrying on if I been with him for 5 yrs and he still calls her for help


    Hernandez 2 years ago

    Ive been with my daughter's father for four years our daughter is two and we're newly weds. He has another child a year older than ours. ... i love my step daughter but her mother is the spawn of satan. She goes out her way to hurt me. Yes she has moved on to three different boyfriends since their child who is three years old was born. So why does she have it out for me. She goes as far as trying to grab his baby making equipment in front of me. I try to be classy but its disrespectful to us and our marriage. ... how do i deal shhe already writing a check her ass cant cash. But stooping to her level wont solve anything... but I'm tired of her... help me please.


    mzdime 2 years ago

    I absolutely hate my bf baby mother. I have a good man that loves me and wants to be in my life he has not been with her for 7 years their child is 8 she's a lovely little girl sweet and innocent her mother the devil she dislikes me for no reason we had words with the pass. she disrespects my boyfriend for the extreme she disrespects my daughter whenever she's with my boyfriend I understand that he is allowing this to happen he's on child support and pays it every week. I'm to the point where I need him to try to get custody joint custody or visitation rights because she's no longer letting him see her. so he did just that he put in the papers not long ago but she still harassing us. I honestly believe that she still in love with him when they were together he had nothing and now that we're together he has way more than you had before and I believe she's jealous. his daughter loves a and wants to be in our home and wants to interact with us in all of our family activities. just the other day she asked him can he pick her up from school he did just that he took our to Burger King to get some food she blow his phone up asking where are they. he told her where they were she showed up in the drive thru snapping, she throw a shake in his face and was calling him out his name saying she told him to bring her straight home. As well as calling me and my child out of our name of course I wasn't there but my child was which is 10. He was pissed but didn't do anything to her. He wiped my baby tears and pulled off. Bm followed them for a few blocks screaming out the window tell your ugly gf I will beat her ass too. I want to put her in her place so bad. What should I do?


    mookie 2 years ago

    Um pregnant wid his child but he avoid my calls and text and why is dat can sum body plz give me sum answers


    dee 2 years ago

    My sons father and I had everything going fine into he left me for someone else when i was 4 months pregnant wasn't there for me at all she will awlays talk about me post things on the internet of me now they have a baby he hardly comes around ours not that it changes anything he hasn't done it since my son was born but what do i do about her shes talking about me always saying how hes there for her n not us


    tarkishat profile image

    tarkishat 2 years ago Author

    Mookie he does not want to join you on this journey to becoming a parent. Don't worry his sorry azz will show up once all the work is done and he has to pay Child Support. Don't stress over him, you have to stay strong for your child.


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    tarkishat 2 years ago Author

    Dee as long as you're taking care of your child and making sure he has everything he needs then why are you even caring about what she says. She is a non factor within your household. You and your child should move on with your lives and leave them to theirs. Daddy does not want to be there for his son, oh well it's his lost. A lot of people will say, "the child needs to know who his father is, " but when the father cannot man up and take care of his responsibilities, I'm sorry but that is a person I don't want my child to be around. Move on and you will find a great man who not only loves you, but loves your son as his own.


    GenaBlue 2 years ago

    I have a huge problem.. My boyfriends daughter just turned one in February. We've been dating since July of last year. We were together for two months before he decided to sleep with his baby mama. I guess he was trying to make it work because of their child. He realized that it wasn't going to work and that he missed me and how he was sorry for what he had done. So I decided to give him another chance, why not? At that time, I didn't have any baby mama drama... Now, it's a whole different story! Now let me mind you that this woman has two kids, his and another mans. (One and three). Okay, so.. We got back together in November and were still in a relationship so 6 months.. Yeah, anyways. The mother and I got into an argument on Facebook, it was so petty. She talked about how she could have him if she wanted to and all this. How about I just get to the point. Basically, she's jealous and has a lot of anger towards my boyfriend. So she tries to get in where she fits in. She calls him every morning arguing about nothing, sends text messages that has nothing to do with their child. She lies on their daughter like once she told him that her one year old daughter was about to have open heart surgery. Come to find out she lied just to get him to go to her house. Because she won't allow her daughter over here because I'm here. Anyways, she does stuff like that to get him to be around HER more. He's so naïve, he believes everything that she says and he always finds out that it's a lie but he still believes her. He loves his daughter and he loves me but she is making It hard for him to do both. She makes him angry and he gets mad at me. For no reason! He tells her off and she just goes harder because she's just that jealous. Idk, I just don't know what I should do at this point because she's making our relationship hell!! He works all the time and she has convinced him to come over all day everyday on his off days. & he just doesn't understand that it's not for her daughter it's for her. She's trying to prove a point to me that she will always be first and honestly I believe so. I understand that they have a kid together but they argue all the time over nothing. He keeps telling her not to call or text unless it has something todo with his kid and she does that and adds lies to it. I'm so stressed I'm ready to give up but I'm just so dumb and in love I guess. Side note, I'm only 20 and he's 25 so. What should I do, how should I feel? How's should I react or do I just give up on love?


    Hazel 2 years ago

    Hey i jus need some advise here i don't know what to do i love my man with all my heart ive been with him about to be 5 years this august but he has 2 baby mothers one that her baby is about to be 4 this april and a 6 month year old but now im pregnant i feel he don't do nothing and he don't know boundaries when it comes to them and me i know he loves me but they put him through hell and he don't set them straight and they uses there kid to get to him its alot more but i just don't know what to do ???


    tarkishat profile image

    tarkishat 2 years ago Author

    Hi GenaBlue, I would start out by offering you a shot of Vodka, but your not old enough yet. Lol! Girl this Baby Mama is the definition of Baby Mama Drama. If you looked up Baby Mama Drama in the dictionary you would see her picture right next to it, saying CHEESE! Lol!! This is something you cannot change, your boyfriend is going to have to take his balls back from Baby Mama, because she has them now. He is the only one that can fix this. She's still in love with him and she's not going to let him go especially if he's still giving her the D, I'm just saying.

    You should feel secure in your relationship, right now you can't really trust him to just go over there to see the kids, knowing how much she wants him back. You are going to have to put your foot down and let him know that he needs to set Baby Mama straight or there's no way your relationship will continue to work. Maybe then he will go take his balls back and put her in her place. Best of luck on this.


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    tarkishat 2 years ago Author

    Hi Hazel, if I'm adding correctly and math is my worst subject, then he got these women pregnant while you two were together. Forgive me if I read your comment wrong, but that's what it looks like. If that is so then I'm wondering why are you still with him anyway. Now that you're pregnant this makes it harder to walk away, but honey you can do bad by your damn self. If he refuses to set them straight then there is nothing for you to do but sit there and take it or move on and leave him to deal with his own drama. Congratulations on the baby. May you blessed with a happy and healthy bundle of joy. :)


    Shiri 2 years ago

    I know my comment was extra long and I actually left alot out my story could be a book. Smh lol


    Natasha 2 years ago

    Hi all I will like some advice please. I have been seeing this guy for 19months and when we met all was great he asked if I liked kids and would date anyone with kids I said I have no problem with it so 3months into the relationship he told me he had 2 gals one is 13 in july and the other will turn 11 in december by the same woman and they broke up 6years ago however he is still involved in the gals lives. 7months into the relationship he said we are official he will like to introduce me to the baby mama and the kids but something happened we ended up not going through with it. He had the gals around he invited me to come meet them couldn't make it as had an emergency to take care of which he understood and agreed we do it again soon. The baby mama is drama the break up wasn't pretty and most of the times I'm with him she will call shouting about this and that and she won't get the kids to school on time as my boyfriend works 240 miles away from where they live he can't take the kids to school unless he is on holiday. So weekends and half term he makes time to be with the gals. The baby mama just is drama but that's just her character. He has introduced me to his parents, sister and brothers and his friends if there are functions we go together. The this bank holiday Monday he went down as he has a house 20minutes to where they live to see them as its also half term. I called on a Sunday the Lil one picked the phone and I asked to speak to the dad she went and gave him the phone we spoke all was ok. Then on the Monday called but no answer so tried his other line and a woman answered. She asked who was calling I said why who am I speaking to she mentioned her name and I said from where she said I'm his gal friend I said what I'm his gal Frend too and she asked for how long for told her almost 2years she said she has known him for almost 16years I then said oh so you the baby mama she said yes. She started screaming down calling him there is a gal here saying she is your galfrend who is she. He answered her and said yes she is right, she is my galfrend he said it 3 times and the baby mama said why you lying to her what about me and he said but she is my galfrend. He took the phone from her and spoke to me a bit and said will call back. He called 10minutes later the kids where crying saying daddy has a girlfriend and all that they been together for almost 2years. They say they wanna go with their mummy because their dad has a girl friend. That now has caused a problem between me and him because he said that is not how he wanted the kids to find out. He wanted to introduce me the right way now I have given the woman more to shout about using him having a galfrend against the kids. He said I should have told her my name not ask her who she was too and I could have said I'm his friend as I have witnessed it when with him how she is not ok in the head and he talks to me about it yet I have encouraged her cause I got defensive cause a woman pick the phone what if it was his sister. After our long chat on Monday he said I did it on purpose to bring division  between him and the kids. He said I had an agenda cause now the older one of the gals asked if he will come down this weekend and he said he has a lot to do and the mum said tell your dad he is Lying he will be with his galfrend. He is angry at me and didn't call for 4days and called today saying the same how I did wrong he thought i was mature about it and now the woman is chatting more crap. He said now he will focus on his kids and anything he promised he would do for me he will settle it and focus on his kids. I asked what about our relationship he said he hasn't gone that far thinking of it now his focus are the kids. So now my question why did the woman say his galfrend, if nothing happened recently between them. He said it was not my place to tell her I'm his galfrend he would have done it properly as we have spoken about it many times and how to do it smoothly but I reacted should he have said its his baby mama or ex galfrend.  Was I wrong with saying this and asking her who she was. Should I have just said my name when she asked who was calling and said will call later. He is now and still angry with me and it seems the relationship between us is gone and I don't know how to go about it. I will not make any attempt to call or text that I will not do but he is acting like I have killed his kids cause they heard their mum saying he has a galfrend. I just need advice. Thank you. 


    AshBrook 2 years ago

    I havr been with this man on and off for 2 years and everytime we break up its because he has left me for his baby mama now this is the 4th time i have taken him back, hoping maybe things will change this time. So far so good he talks to her around me and puts it on speaker phone, me and her are on good terms as of now but she lives 3 hours away and he recently got his daughter and we have had her for almost 3 months now without her motger seeing her at all but phone calls but now she asking me to meet her somewhere wothout him knowing and with his daughter because he wont allow his daughter to go back because of the mistakes the baby mama has made, i feel like i cant do that, its not my place to do that. Well last night i had a dream he left me for her yet again and tthen this moring she messaged me on facebook saying she needs to talk to him and i told him so he says ask her for what, she replys with he was blowing my phone up the other day so i need to talk to him. But when i ask him he says he hasn't called. Im just confused on who i shpuld believe or what i should do.


    Angela 2 years ago

    Hi! I've been with my boyfriend for about 4 months now (feels like 4years). He has 2 sons (2 different moms) and I have 2 daughters (same father). He's met my daughters and I've met his oldest son. I asked when I would meet his youngest son and he said that he and his youngest sons mother had made an agreement that he didn't bring another women around their son. And his mother confirmed that. But I feel like he is still messing with her. He has never talked to her around me or in front of me. He always hides his phone and will stop using his phone or looking at it when I'm close to him and it makes me really suspicious of her or anyone else. He had gone thru my phone on numerous occasions and found me texting my ex but won't allow me to go thru his or even get close. Idk if he's cheating but should I ask to meet his sons mother just to be sure he's not with her or should I wait?


    La 2 years ago

    Thank you tarkishat for this page some of us can find a little bit of understanding and support in.

    My story: My husband and I have been together for almost 2 years and married for 6 months now. My husband has a rocky past where he was a drug addict for 7 years, but he turned his life around completely and has been clean for over 3 years. We even run an NPO together helping other addicts get recovery. While he was on drugs he obvisouly wasn't too responsible, didn't work, slept around with girls, he was even homeless for a bit ect. He has a son who is 6. Both parents were on drugs while he was concived but thankly there are no major birth defects due to this. The baby mama never told my husband she was pregnant. After she gave birth she told his stepsister she had a baby, so my husband went to investiage. He was told he isn't the father. So he left the issue. But other people kept commenting to him that he might be the father so he asked every now and then and went to check out the kid out of curiosity. For 2 years he was told he wasn't then father, then he was told ok he is the father. He would take him on outings, babysit him, have him by his family-but my husband was still an addit at this time and even used drugs infront if his child. Thankfully, he went away to a rehab for 6 months and got clean. Starting from rock bottom my husband had to rebuild his life, he came back with no education, not many job skills, a bad history where he ruined his name. He stayed with his family, got some work, starting playing sports again. Still babysitting with his son, taking to church Sunday mornings involving in family things ect. My husband also started helping other drug addicts find help, he went to schools and shared his story to warn them(this is how we met). I knew from the start he had a son, which was completely new to me to deal with. But his son is a good kid, no beef with him, he is as respectful as any 6 year old could be, he calles me Aunty, he was in our wedding with us, no issue with his son. Now, obvisouly starting out in life, my husband and I don't have much materially/finances. Technically you could call me a missionary in a forgin country, i have some funds i receive in order to run our NPO and assist with living costs. And my husbands income is from coaching sports and we have local spounsourship for the NPO as well. So, we don't have much, we live in a one bedroom, shared a vichael and live paycheck to paycheck and with the support of others. Now recently, my husband is being called a bad father. The baby mama has very poor communication skills, she asks on too short notice for the son to come stay by us or for us to fetch him, she expects my husband to jump when she calls or demands sonething. She expects him to leave work with no notice to fetch his son, he will lose his job if he does that. Unfortunatly because he recives his income from coaching his working schdual is usually afternoons, evenings and weekends. And obvisouly his son is busy during the day in school and thats when we do the NPO work. So my husband gets called a bad father and usless and such because hes working hard to try to make a living and a life, but she wants the convieance of a babysitter. On the flipside, she wants money, and when she wants it she wants it NOW. If we tell her she must wait a week until payday, my husband us a horrible selfish father. We have commited to pay his school fees(education isn't free here), sport fees, we buy him cloths when we buy for ourselves and sometimes when we have extra we buy food and household items for the house he lives in. Thats all we can afford to help with right now. But she wants more, then expects my husband to drop work to catier to her short notice calls. NOW he is reciving alot of flack and attacks from the baby mama, threatens him, curses him, calles him names, tells him his son doesn't think hes a man and wants nothing to do with him. Tells him to stsy away and don't contact his child, wont allow my husband to see his son when he goes to fetch him, then calles him a bad fsther for staying away. Now the baby mama acts the same with my husbands mother, expects her to babysit or buy items on shirt notice, calles her from work for things and tells her that my husband is a no good dad. Now his own family is attacking him and also calling him these names.

    My husband is a good man, with good character, he has a heart to help others and he loves his son. When we was a drug addict, he was a bad infulance as a father. Now thst he is getting his life built back up, and a much better infulance as a dad, he is reviving more flack and being trested like a deadbeat dad. He is an emotional person and takes all theses comments to heart, he is trying his best concidering the situation and working towards even better. But they don't see thst. They have very unrealistic ecpectations of him in the situation. Luckly I personally don't receive any of these messages or name calling to my phone, its judt my husband. I keep as little contact with baby mama and my husbands family when they are like this. But it does effect my husband and our marrige. They do say negative things about our marrige at times to hurt him even more. And now, we are pregnant with our first child, a surprise to us, but a blessing. Its going to make things even tighter and more busy. Im concirned they are going to REALLY step up the attacks and drama towards my husband and our marrige and baby because they feel like it will take away from his son.

    How to i support and encourage my husband to deal with this drama, continute to become a better father/man, protect my upcoming baby/family...without reacting poorly to them, without trashing them? How do i be a positive light to my man with all this negitivity? Thanks for allowing me to vent in a safe place and thanks for any advice.


    Luis cullen 2 years ago

    thanks you to priestess munak, a spell witch for helping bring back my beloved wife and my 2 kids. I know I was a pain in the butt, very nervous and furious to ever had leave them. I have tried all i could to make them understand how sorry i am for leaving my family behind, now i realize my fault and am ready to make amends but my wife is already filing for a divorce... I ran out of idea until i met this spell lady on my online search, priestessmunak@ gmail.com as a reliable spell lady whom has soled problems even more critical than mine with her spell. It was then priestess munak spell that finally worked. everything happened just the way i desire my family to be together and be happy in love., Tho i was almost frustrated thinking my wife no longer needs me it made me constantly nagging until this spell lady made it happened. Thank you everyone who has talked about this spell lady, I'm glad i found a solution to my greatest worries and problems, thank you priestess, who I know helped me so much. I strongly recommend priestess munak if you need help, her spell may take some time to work and she will tell you that, like she did to me, but it will work definitely. You just need to trust and let her do her work. I couldn’t have done it without everyone who talked about this spell lady.


    Luis cullen 2 years ago

    thanks you to priestess munak, a spell witch for helping bring back my beloved wife and my 2 kids. I know I was a pain in the butt, very nervous and furious to ever had leave them. I have tried all i could to make them understand how sorry i am for leaving my family behind, now i realize my fault and am ready to make amends but my wife is already filing for a divorce... I ran out of idea until i met this spell lady on my online search, priestessmunak@ gmail.com as a reliable spell lady whom has soled problems even more critical than mine with her spell. It was then priestess munak spell that finally worked. everything happened just the way i desire my family to be together and be happy in love., Tho i was almost frustrated thinking my wife no longer needs me it made me constantly nagging until this spell lady made it happened. Thank you everyone who has talked about this spell lady, I'm glad i found a solution to my greatest worries and problems, thank you priestess, who I know helped me so much. I strongly recommend priestess munak if you need help, her spell may take some time to work and she will tell you that, like she did to me, but it will work definitely. You just need to trust and let her do her work. I couldn’t have done it without everyone who talked about this spell lady.


    dee 2 years ago

    My husband is 50 years old and had twins by a 24 years old the twins getting ready to turn two, I stayed with my husband because i feel that God warned me that time like this was going to arrive. When He said for better or worse. But I have a problem with her buying him father day card and birthday card saying it from the kids! Now if they was older enough to tell her mama buy my daddy a father day card I wouldn't open my mouth but I look at It like anything she buy right now is from her not no kids. I feel like I have already been disrespected him and her concerned she knew he was married. They invited m u husband and our grandkids to their one years birthday party but not me. Come to find out her mother said the reason why they didn't invite me because her family don't know he's married. That funny my family and friends know my husband stepped out on me so what her any better? My husband or our grandkids didn't go. The bottom line is respect got to be given, I know she not but he's better start looking at me instead of his feelings as a father or they can have each other.


    anon305 2 years ago

    I cannot thank you enough for writing this. Aided me in writing my own letter to my partner, in attempt to heal our relationship riddled by "baby mama drama." Definitely provided me guidance during a tough time, I am very grateful to you, the author.


    Tee 2 years ago

    The man i've been with for the last three years, has recently found out he is the father of this baby. Well, my friends say you cant get too upset, because you guys were kinda on the outs...I think i'm more hurt then anything. Well, when i found out about it we had rekindled and I guess he was going to wait until he had seen that the baby was truely his, because two other men had been named....so I decided to stay with him. I spoke with the young lady, who is only 24yrs and she was very disrespectful,


    Lovelygirlxo 2 years ago

    I have been with my boyfriend for almost 7 years. We had separated 3 years ago, and during the seperation he had hooked up with a much older person. She had felt pregnant. During the time I didn't know she was pregnant only a month into her pregnancy I had found out through my bf. ever since her pregnancy she didn't like me for any reason. I had never wanted to have a bad relationship with the lady but she was mad because my bf still loved me and he told her that he still loved me. For awhile during her pregnancy we didn't talk and I thought it was over for good that he was having a change of heart to be with her so I needed some type of closure! I had went to his work to talk to him but the women ran into me at his job created a scene lied that I had attacked her called the police try to press charges on me. Took me to court for a 3 year restraining order. The judge then granted the order for her. And I had to keep 100 yards and all ties away from her. After she had the baby the judge also restrained me from meeting my boyfriends daughter. I took the lady back to court to fight for the order to be lifted and a new judge partially lifted the order, he found no cause of me having any contact with the lady or their daughter.

    She still had me on the family court to be restrained from being close to the daughter. Now it's been almost 3 years the daughter will turn 3 in July I never met her in person. It's a constant fight with my boyfriend because he wants me to accept his child and I'm going to spend my life with him but he doesn't understand that it bothers me to not be in his child's life. I have begged him to take a perternity test because when they Hooked up it was only once according to him and when he ran into her at work he told her that it was wrong to hook up with her and that he still loved me but she threw the "you better hope I'm not pregnant" after two days of just hooking up that's why I feel he is possibly not the little girls father. He refuses to take a perternity test and to let me be apart of the little girls life. He also thinks that the mother can request for the child support to be raised on her wishes if she asked for it to be re evaluated. I keep tellingn him she is not a clerk for the child support agency but he clearly doesn't get it. Then he tells me if I want him to take the pernatity test that I should pay to find out the results but you didn't want to pay for a condom when you hooked up with her. Please help me with advice


    tarkishat profile image

    tarkishat 2 years ago Author

    Hi Tee, I completely understand your hurt and I hope that you can be strong enough to accept this situation for what it is. Maybe the 24 year old will lose the attitude and make it strictly about the child. Good luck to you on this situation.


    tarkishat profile image

    tarkishat 2 years ago Author

    Hi lovelygirlxo, wow you've obviously have been through a lot with this whole situation. First of all, he should absolutely get a paternity test done on his daughter just to make sure. Here's where I stand on the paternity situation, 'Mama's baby, PaPa' s maybe. If the woman was not his wife and just a one night stand he should not be so ignorant as to not want to know for sure that the child he's taking care of is his. The situation with the increase of child support can happen if his income has increased, she can definitely ask for an increase, but if he is buying clothes and other necessities for the child I would advise him to save any and all receipts so that if she does request an increase he can prove that he does more than just pay Child Support. Unfortunately with the restraining order against you, all you can really do is be a helpless bystander in this whole situation. Keep your head up and just pray that one day she will come to her senses and drop the restraining order. Best of luck to you all.


    cindy 2 years ago

    I just had à baby by à Guy i've been messing around for years off and on. When i told him i was preg he wanted me to have an abortion. Now that the baby is here 4 months he refuses to see in person nor do anything for the child. Dont kno if he still has feelings for me like before.


    tarkishat profile image

    tarkishat 2 years ago Author

    Hi Cindy, congrats on the baby. I'm sorry to say this Cindy, but you should just move on. Why would you want a guy like that to be around you or your child, he didn't want the baby in the first place. Be happy with yourself and your wonderful baby. Thank him for the gift of your child and move on with your life. Say goodbye to bad rubbish. Best wishes to you and your baby.


    breanna 2 years ago

    OK so at first everything was fine and then my guys baby momma started sending him nasty pictures and that was around sep2013 and we got engaged this year in April she was so jealous that she put him on child support she doesn't even let him talk to his son but I'm jealous because she has something that's a part of him and I don't he says he doesnt love her but I think she still does


    cindy minor 2 years ago

    Ok so here the thing, i've just had à baby almost four months ago, at that time I have tried reaching out to his father in regards to him bonding with his son. Each time his dad will say he's coming by to see him and never show up, however this time once again he texted me the same thing but this time I told him to just wait til we do paternity test, now he's returning short text as if he doesnt want to say much. I really like and have feelings for him, am i wrong for telling him wait for paternity test?


    cindy minor 2 years ago

    Pertaining to post snobé do he love or have any feelings for me? We have been messing around for many years and i got pregnant this time and i cant stop thinkin of him. I am hoping that he does not have another women with that being said he never says any women name or who he likes to me


    Galienn 2 years ago

    Started off as best friends with a man in high school. Started dating, got involved with family, love of each other lives, it didn't work out. After college, he got married, then divorced. I had a child 2 years ago, he had a child a yr ago. Tragedy struck on both ends within a couple years ago. Was there for one another, turned into see even though he said he wasn't with baby mama anymore but they shared a dwelling. She had him put in jail over a lie. He moved out, was convinced to move back in for the sake of the baby. We continued our rendezvous. Found out he's taking her and picking her up from work in his car, running errands for her but all of this is for the sake of the baby? He gets upset when I ask about her saying I'm dramatic and he doesn't want to talk about her to me. But he involved me in their relationship a while ago. Because of history, our families are VERY connected with each other. Roommates or Shacking?


    tarkishat profile image

    tarkishat 2 years ago Author

    Hi La, I'm sorry it's taking me a while to respond to your comments. I have a two year old and he keeps me busy. First of all, congrats on your pregnancy and the fact that your husband is living a drug free life. That is a huge accomplishment. But from what I read it looks as if there's all talk going on. You can't control what a person says about you, but you can control how you take what they say. What your husband should do and I'm sure that he's not gonna agree with it and a lot of people may not agree with this. If he does not want to get a paternity test, then he should go to the Child Support office and put himself on child support. That way he can tell them what he can afford based on his income and they will be more accommodating to him as oppose to her going down there throwing Child Support on him herself. The reason I'm giving you this advice is because it seems like she is one step away from doing just that, even though in your eyes he is doing everything a father should do for their child. A lot of men think that being put on child support is a bad thing, because the Baby Mama gets her money off the top and they don't know where it's really going. If she is constantly calling him up and demanding money and everything he does for her and the child is never enough, well if he goes through the court the Judge will inform her on what is enough and I guarantee that it will not come close to what she's getting right now. Her ignorance will get her a $100 a month and who suffers? The child. I hope you all can work this out without dragging the courts into it. She seems like a real pain in the you know what. Good luck to you.


    tarkishat profile image

    tarkishat 2 years ago Author

    Hi Galienn, I'm about to keep this short, because you already know the answer. He's obviously Shacking Up with this woman and you are the side piece. I'm gone keep it real with you he and his Baby Mama are probably still married. What divorce? Now unless you were a witness at the divorce proceedings or he's shown you divorce papers then there is a possibility that you are his mistress. Look into it. I hope that's not the case though. Thanks for commenting. Best of luck to you.


    Galienn 2 years ago

    Thank you for commenting. Actually, hum and baby mama never married as she is still married to someone else other than him. His marriage was to another young lady that only lasted a couple of years before he had the baby with his now baby mama. I've been knowing him for 20 plus years and it hurts that he doesn't consider my feelings. When my family member died, He was the first one of non family to arrive and literally carry me through the process. My family loves him and his family loves me. She has done some shady stuff to keep him around including befriending me to keep tabs on him. No one really trusts her but him. He says can kick anyone out as they share a lease but I fear for his safety. I'm the first he calls when an issue between them arises-she takes his car, has him put in jail...He has cried in my arms regarding things she put him through and she actually admitted to him that she had the baby to trap him! I recently told him, I need him to leave me alone as I need space from him. Whenever it's horrible between them, it's me he calls to rescue him, when things are going good, it's different. So many people believe we are meant to be including his and my family, but I'm tired of going through the motions and being used. She is bound to hurt him again, but I won't be there to catch him this time even though 20 plus years is a long time. I need him to call her when things go wrong between them as I'm neither appreciated and they need to figure out whether or not they are going to be together or not. He always say things are not as they appear, but I always tell him, if it looks, walks, talks like a duck...guess what it just might be?? Certainly not a turtle! Our long history is what keeps me around, but I don't know how to trust him as a friend if he can't even be honest and let me know what is truly up...#deep sigh#


    tarkishat profile image

    tarkishat 2 years ago Author

    OMG! Galienn. So there was a lot more to your story. Okay, so he's confused and does not know what he wants to do. He loves you and want to be with you, but then he leaves you and goes home to his..... Baby Mama? Hmm? Hell I'm confused again. Lol! She's taking cars and stuff. Did she buy him that car? She has to have something on him if he's having that much trouble with her and he still goes home to her at night. I want to ask you this though? Does he have a curfew? Like when you too are together, does he have to leave at a certain time of night? Why aren't you two living together? That could be it, she's his place to stay. Sorry for all the questions. You have to understand, that your situation is unique, because a lot of females would not tolerate his crap at all.


    Galienn 2 years ago

    Girl, I am 1000% with you. I've told him and others that if he was any other dude and there was no history between us, he would be so out of my life. I am so very quick to drop people that don't mean any good in my life. To answer your question, he actually moved her in with him when they initially broke up because she didn't have a place to stay for her and her other kids. In the meantime she got pregnant and they decided to get back together. He purchased the car he is driving plus a used car for her. When they broke up again and endured all the drama, he decided to move out for good and solicit my help in the moving process but sonehow, I had to find out a couple months after he moved out that he moved back in. He doesn't have a curfew other than to go pick her up from work. I've told him before that he has a "save the world" complex expecially when it comes to when. I had to cut him off from us spending time with each other because my feelings were getting too involved. Through marriages, divorces, children and tragedy we've been there for each other no matter what, but I don't believe he's in love with me only loves me...but ironically not enough to not hurt me...hell I'm confused too! But be cause we are only friends and he has not made it clear that he wants me exclusively, I'm giving our "friendship" a big break. I am normally an intelligent woman that steer clear from drama like this because I don't ever want to be the other woman, but it's obvious that she does have something on him other than being the baby mama. So I decided to ley them figure all this wonderful crap out on their own, hell maybe she will change and they will live happily ever after drama free! I'm just done walking into emotionally dangerous situations with my eyes wide open AND with bifocals on lol...we live and learn right?...


    tarkishat profile image

    tarkishat 2 years ago Author

    Galienn, you're absolutely right, you live and you learn. You seem to be in the right head space to move on. It's best that the two of you just remain friends, because he has already made a life with her. You're just going to have to make sure to not let the next man come into the relationship with extra baggage. You seem like a great Chick with a good head on your shoulders. So there has to be a great guy out there that will make you number 1 in his life. Turn the page on his azz,. Hell close the book and rewrite your own love story that does not include crazy Baby Mamas and weak azz men that cannot control the situation. (I'm sorry I was in my feelings). Keep your head up and your eyes open for Mr. Right. Best of luck to you and yours.


    Cecile27 2 years ago

    Hey, brace yourself for the drama I'm about to expose some of which has been cut short here goes..... I met my almost 2 yr old son's father in 2010 when I was 21 literally on the day my ex of 5 years dumped me for a girl I once called my friend so as you can imagine I was extremely heart broken, anyway I left my home that evening refusing to be depressed at home to only be stopped by this great looking guy it felt like he was heaven sent at the time, we exchanged numbers etc and started meeting up texting soon after I realised a pattern that he was just after 1 thing he was my 1st f buddy so it took a while for me to clock on also as I wasn't looking for anything serious either due to my heartbreak. So time went on before I knew it its been 2 years this has been happening for so I came to the conclusion in December 2012 that I was going to end this sexual relationship we had to only find out that I was pregnant..... This is when the real drama started, on the day I found out I was pregnant we were meeting up anyway so I broke the news to him and he was so comforting said it would be ok and I was so shocked at that response, the next day he asked me "what I was going to do"? I knew within myself from the minute I found out that I was going to keep my baby with or without him, so I told him and that's when he started the malicious communication, he had suddenly revealed that he wasn't single that he had a girlfriend he was "practically married" that he had 3 other kids and that I didn't know him what made me feel so special to be the 4th baby mother?  My world started crushing down on me baring in mind I was pregnant. So from there onwards it was horrific he was trying with every inch of himself to get me to have a termination at times I was considering it just so I wouldn't have to deal with drama and such a nasty person but I had to remind myself that I am strong enough to not make the weaker decision. Time went pregnancies growing on I remained positive despite the everything he was saying to me so I finally asked him if he was going to tell this girlfriend of his about the baby and his response was "no she would kill herself because of everything he has put her through in the past 5years" so I said ok but don't you think the truth will come out at some point? In addition to everything he still wanted to sleep with me during all of this is happening, anyway one day a few weeks before I gave birth I went to his house to find the girlfriend there she opened the door and I asked if he was in she said no so I then introduced myself and told her the truth about everything, he later found out that night that I had spoken to the girlfriend and asked me why I had done it, I felt that she had the right to know and then could do what she wanted with the news after, I shouldn't have been the bearer of the news but I didn't like to be treated like a dirty little secret as he had lied about who he really was all that time and he was still trying to sleep with me. So they broke up He hated me after this point he was provoking me asking me to go to his house to meet him to talk when he wasn't there and I was heavily pregnant he done this on three occasions so in time I started to feel nothing but sheer bitterness towards him at how he could be so evil and nasty towards someone it was such an emotional and horrible pregnancy luckily my son was so good to me smooth pregnancy smooth short labour he was now born August 2012. I was getting harassed for dna test which I refused to do for a while but then decided to do it otherwise I'd look like I was hiding something, results came back he tried to act like he wasn't the father so I ordered myself a copy and he was 99.99 the father he said "he wished he was dead". Lol. December 2012 was the last time I had seen him and he had only seen our son twice, him and his girlfriend apparently got back back together and had a baby since then. During the time of January 2013 to may 2013 I felt an urge of avengace I hated him for treating my son the way he did and turning his back on my son I was afraid of being a single mum and being judged upon everything as he made it out to all be my fault till this day he has not apologised to me for all the emotional damage he caused me I'm not holding my breathe for that. So anyway I was so angry I started emailing him about how he was a dead beat dad etc and all the insults in the world I started to message the so called girlfriend about her waste man that he would treat her the same way after he's been through 4 baby mothers, I had literally lost the plot, it got to the point when it was draining the life out of me and I realised that I was only hurting myself so I stopped  the messaging and I stopped sending pictures of our son from his 1st birthday and just started living my life like it's golden. Time went on by I was getting happier and stronger until he got back in contact may 2014 via email we briefly spoke about our son and about all the drama that happened but yet I feel like he's still trying to play games with me because I am not paying him no mind and I'm not asking him for help with anything like I'm just being independent in every way without his help.he still tries to talk down to me and treat me in a manipulative manner which I don't like, he's failing to have some sort of respect for me as the mother to his child I am biting my teeth and being civil for the sake of my son and being decent enough towards him but I feel that he has an undisclosed issue with me that he can't seem to project. I've moved into my own flat now and just happy raising my son he's been wanting my address but I'm a bit reluctant to give it out to him as I don't trust him whatsoever not that he would cause us harm but just because he may try to turn up randomly etc. We recently Met up last week since him getting back in contact with us and I'm feeling really emotional and confused as if I still like him after all the drama which is not cool but the more I reject this feeling the worse it'll get I don't understand if this is normal or just plain stupid? My son's father seems to  always want a reaction out of me i dont know why? he hasn't mentioned his girlfriend or there daughter but once and that was it it wasn't even in a sense of where they're still together but that's none of my business anyway and I haven't asked about them either because he also never personally told me about them being back together.  I feel like I need some serious advice with this one I don't wanna go back down that unhappy route again. SOS!!!!


    WinnieDaniels 2 years ago

    Hey okay , so this man Ive been dealing with has a baby mother , in the beginning of 2013 she was claiming to be pregnant but really said that because i was in the picture , he had recently started started talking to me & was getting serious about me however they had slept together a few weeks prior to us being together. When she told him this he left , he felt like that was the best thing for the child she being 14 him being 16 & me being 16 it hurt but I understood even though at first we agreed to stay together . Then a month later she claimed to have miscarried . He then left after a month of the "miscarriage" & came back to me. Well I had lost my virginity to him at this point I was 17 & I was under the impression that she wasn't pregnant & we could finally be happy but I was wrong a month of knowing he finally comes out & tells me that she's actually pregnant & I was stunned but I stayed & this time he didn't leave HOWEVER about 2 months after being together he cheated on me with her & asked for forgiveness & of course I forgave him but 10 days later he leaves me again . A month goes by & we were still dealing with each other & we were headed towards a relationship until the babymother halfway through the pregnancy does something to get herself put in the hospital so he leaves again after I stated that it's no way he could talk to me & talk to her at the Same time. Then a month went by & he came back but he was still "acting" like he was with the baby mother only so she wouldn't go back to the hospital so close to the due date. But this time I left him stating that I didn't want to be on the side while he's entertaining her. Then he actually tried to make it work with her the baby was born then she realized she didn't want to be with him about 2 months after & he had came back to me , & I was constantly trying to build a relationship with his child , which he kept at a minimum & his babymother started making a fuss saying she never said she didn't want to be with him but I know for a record she did because I heard her for my own self I was constantly planning the future for us until he hit me with the I have no future planned for "us" which caused me to leave once more because If you didn't want to work towards a goal what are we talking for then he states that we weren't even talking , but we've been having sex , going out to different places getting closer then recently I found out he's back to talking with his baby mother & basically doing the family role again. In all this I just want to know where I went wrong ? Is the pattern going to be the same is he really gone ? Or is he going to regret losing me in the future ? I use to treat him like royalty & always made sure there was space for him in everything I did just so he wouldnt feel like I didn't love him .


    tarkishat profile image

    tarkishat 2 years ago Author

    Hi WinnieDaniels,

    Wow you guys are young! You have to let him go and do not let him come back into your life. Good thing you didn't get pregnant by him. To answer your question, yes he will keep doing this as long as you keep taking him back. He leaves you so easily because you're allowing him to come back even easier. You're young, find you someone that will treat you like royalty and will always be there for you. You deserve that.


    Don't know what to think 2 years ago

    I'm dating a guy off and on for eight years. Break up to make up. We just went on our annual vacation and prior to this he told me that he had gotten this girl pregnant, I accepted it. Now that the due date is near I'm worried that I won't be so supportive or positive towards the whole thing. I love him a lot, he is always honest and tells me everything. But just recently I told him we should stop dating and he's been hinting that we need to start life together and get married so I can stay with him. He is always saying he wants to have our new baby next year.... what shall I do????


    tarkishat profile image

    tarkishat 2 years ago Author

    Hi, don't know what to think! If you love each other and you know for a fact that him and Baby Mama are not getting together behind your back. I say stick by your man, but let it be known what you will and will not tolerate with this situation. I hope that he continues to be honest with you, because that's the only way this will work. Best of luck to you two.


    Tyshell 2 years ago

    So I been in a relationship with my bf for almost 2 yrs. I met him before he went to jail. I stop dealing with him while he was in jail because he lied to me. He was about to get married. But when he came home we started to talk again. I asked him if he had a gf where was he staying blah blah. He said his sisters house. That was a lie I found out he was staying with another girl which he been dealing with before he came home. Months go by he started to stay with me and her lying to the both of us. Then he gets the girl pregnant. He lied about that I still stuck it out with him because I really love him. Now he lives with me permanently but still mess with his bm. Should I just leave or keep sticking it out


    Tyshell 2 years ago

    So I been in a relationship with my bf for almost 2 yrs. I met him before he went to jail. I stop dealing with him while he was in jail because he lied to me. He was about to get married. But when he came home we started to talk again. I asked him if he had a gf where was he staying blah blah. He said his sisters house. That was a lie I found out he was staying with another girl which he been dealing with before he came home. Months go by he started to stay with me and her lying to the both of us. Then he gets the girl pregnant. He lied about that I still stuck it out with him because I really love him. Now he lives with me permanently but still mess with his bm. Should I just leave or keep sticking it out


    tarkishat profile image

    tarkishat 2 years ago Author

    Hi Tyshell,

    I can't tell you what to do, but me personally I don't like to share. That goes for my food, clothes and especially my man. I'm selfish like that. If you feel that sharing is caring when it comes to your man, by all means keep doing you. I could not and would not put up with it. You stated how much you love him. Would you put him through all the crap he's taking you through? So you have to ask yourself, does he really love you as much as you love and respect him. He's in your house, but he's still creeping with BM. No question, I would help his cheating as a pack his clothes and drop him off at BM house for good.


    cutiepie801 2 years ago

    My husband and I have a 7 yr old from his previous engagement. Thus a baby mama, he has always walked away when she is on the phone... I know that he loves me and I am dealing with my own insecurities... and after telling him how it affects me he has tried to do better. she how ever has had 2 more children by 2 more men and is currently with a new boy. Every year we throw him a birthday party. Last year she called and yelled at my husband because instead of buying him a gift we had a bbq, he picked his cake out and we paid for him, her daughter to go to an amusement park instead, this year as i was setting up for his birthday I sent the husband out to grab last minute things... baby mama showed up early and disappeared with him..leaving new boyfriend and other family members there.

    I let it go, I never fight or bring up discomforts in front of anyone, I prefer closed doors. I asked why she had to go with him? What did they talk about?.. He said they talked about thier son and how she had a miscarriage (supposedly pregnant as soon as we told her we were expecting). Just don't get it...


    tarkishat profile image

    tarkishat 2 years ago Author

    Hi cutiepie801,

    You have to let him know that him leaving the room to talk to any female other than, mother, sister, cousin, auntie or Grandma, is complete disrespect and it makes you feel like he's hiding something. With that one move he's giving you every reason to question all of his actions when it comes down to him dealing with Baby Mama. Him leaving the house with her, what was that all about? They could have grabbed a corner to discuss issues that has nothing to do with him anyway. He disrespected you again by not even informing you that him and her were going to the store together. Hubby needs a good talking to and you need to let him know how you really feel about this cozy little friendship that they got going on. You will be surprised what some men don't realize they do unless we sit them down and tell them. Best of luck to you on this.


    mona609 2 years ago

    I have read all these comments and in all these I see it's the baby moms fault.. I dont agree this is my situation my child's father did 12 years in prison he went when I was pregnant with our first son during that time I moved on had other children but he was always my first love so we started back talking romantically about the last 4 years of his sentence where we planned on being together long story short he got out and was often talking to this girl which of course he said was nothing mean while I got pregnant right off with our 2nd child I confronted the girl because she would text stuff like let her be num 2 so when I did she said she wasn't going to stop until he told her too our car broke down and he started driving her car so when I found out I put him out meanwhile he moved in with her while I was pregnant he continued to come around and she knew as well as I did so after a while she started making demands that he not talk to me basically go through family members to see the kids and I'll admit I have done and said some hurtful things to the both of them out of anger its been 2 years and he still has sex with me and makes her think when we fallout its just out the blue and he has no idea why she just says oh he doesn't touch you your lying and want him when I have showed messages and screenshots the worst of it all is that I'm 4months pregnant again with his baby and I know he not going to tell her until the baby actually is here but she knows and tells everyone its not his baby and so forth we have a 14 year old and a almost 2 year old and I really don't see a end to this drama but I will say that it is not all my doing cause I don't want him to be happy yes I do have feelings as I said he was my first love and she has told me that he was set to get released he told her he wanted to be with me but she gets what a she wants smdh she has no kids so I feel she'll never understand but I also know that I will never be in a place where I will be cool with that situation especially cause I can't just not let him see his kids cause of my feelings


    Trina 22 months ago

    I am dating this older man who has kids from other women. The youngest sons mother hits him up talking bout life shit basically. Asking what he's doing telling him her day plans an shit. He never tells her he's chilling with me and as far as I'm concerned she doesn't know. He admitted a few days ago that he plays a role with her so he can see his son but he's stoppin it. I don't believe it especially when they casually conversate and he tells her to hit him up later. I don't know...maybe I'm over thinking it because she's in another state but not too far to visit.... But at the same time I don't understand why he needs to conversate to her bout anything other than their son. On top of that her friend who she lives with also conversates with him on a friend level though but hits him up everyday takin pics of his son an her together sendin it to him... He refuses to let me see the conversations on his phone concerning his baby moms an when the talks are longer than normal he dips outside to talk or in another room.... I just don't wanna have to kill him for playin games....what you think?


    Bpoole 22 months ago

    What would your advice be on dealing with a "baby mama" who just really doesn't want to see her child's father happy? I've been with my boyfriend/child's father for 2 years now. He also has a child who is 7 with another woman. I'm almost positive that he doesn't have feelings for her, and honestly, I wouldnt say that she still wants to be with him, but for some reason, she just won't quit causing drama. She talks to him like a dog, and he let's her because he's been dealing with it for 7 years now & he just wants to avoid any altercations at any cost (court). I used to get angry at him for this, but after 2 years , I've learned to just stay in my place & eat my popcorn when it comes down to their lifetime drama. Now, where my issue starts is when she realizes that she can't get a reaction out of him, she'll start with me. Ito not often that she does this, but every once in a while, she'll grown some balls. She won't ever say anything directly to me, however she will text it to him, his sister, fb/twitter etc. Now she claims that she doesn't want me watching her child alone (after 2 years of me being around her with no issues). I'd like to also throw in the fact that I've watched her numerous of times prior to this situation. I could get personal and break it down for you all, but it all comes down to the fact that it's been 5 years since they've split , and she still isn't happy . She's upset that her child's father has moved on , has another family and is trying to better himself and he chose not to make the same decisions while he was with her. I know that it's not my position to check her everytime she says something about me, and I also know that it gives her the upper hand because she sees that she can get a reaction from me, but it's sooooo hard to sit back & keep my mouth shut when she feels as if she can say and do anything and cant be punished. I know that I could give her the worst ass whopping of her life (which is long over due), but of course that would result in me being thrown in jail, which is what she wants. She Fights through the court system. Anything We say or do, she'll take us to court & aim for full custody. I've checked her before, but it always ends in the same way. she cancels his visitation rights, and tells everyone it's MY fault , now I'm at square 1 & Im also labelled the bad guy ! Im BEYOND fed up.


    Vegasmomof2 21 months ago

    Ms Bpoole if I may Hold your peace and stand your ground .Love is the answer Remember what goes around comes around. The best defense is and amazing offense and a built-in bond for the child created by you and the father towards the child . Its is a better pay back she cant break and cant figure out. It's a beautiful family regardless of her feelings toward your house she cant mess up what she hasn't built or invest in at your home. And she Looses period.Time make it easier to deal release and speak with the man you love about your feelings he CAN Help you more than any one. I too before married to my husband was in the same boat AS YOU basically walking in your heels not so proud 2 years while dating ready for A Divorce by 4 years. but I knew what I signed up for and I knew I loved my man more than anything.So I'm still here.Married 2 him. And I repeat Shes Not. He doesn't love her but has love for her and respect as his sons mother and so do I that's it. and I wasn't going to tax him for his past or hold it over his head we are a team .so when we were dating I was a secret not to happy about it but he and I understood what was at steak at the time.taking care of his son and cancel dates and for the life of me I didn't understand. Me 2 jobs own car own house and in college I was curious so I poped up on him at home to find him with this cute baby who was having and asthma attack cry and screaming &he didn't know what to do next.So I picked him up the baby and took care of the rest of the weekend. We worked together to help him be a amazing Father.She begin to question him on who taught him how to be a better daddy,why he was married why not her etc. bs than I told my husband hes just a person giving his money away with nothings to show for it. She wasn't putting on the kid lets just that.and Me spending time with him and our son was always a problem to her when we had a baby her and his family went even crazier we Never make a difference .thank God for courts.who make it fair for the child long story short She hates me because I love hard .And were the family she thought she was going to have. But game playing gets you left behind and both her Bds remarried and have blended families doing well. My heart knows their relationship between my son and his dad is needed .but also our daughter and her father is needed. As well as mines with my husband is needed too make sure the family stays strong .every child needs both parents my Husband is amazing at fatherhood .well his 6 now and I'm still in his life his Moma B which he wasn't force to call me that but he just did since he was 2 he knows how to love us both in our rightful place his mom and me . HIS Bm STILL WITH ALL THE DRAMA took us to court twice and lost.But she knows she can't divide us and disrespect us because our son is always watching when he's old enough he has a lot of love and support No matter what . .


    CaliGrl 21 months ago

    My husband and I were separate for a year, but continued with back and fourth contacts although we were still on the rocks. The beginning of the year we decided to get back together and make it work, but I still believe we were both still suspicious of each other and him on why i left in the first place....5 months later he told me he found out he was having a baby with a woman he had been seeing during our difficult times. He went on to say how she helped him out when no one was there. After all the fuss we still decided to make it work...and both vowed that it would. Now the baby is here, 5 mo, and he has been spending time with BM at her home, 2 or 3 dys a week and a couple overnights within the last 60 dys and calls, texts galore. The baby has been over our home for overnights as well, 5 times within 60 dys. With all this said I'm still feeling insecure, afraid he will gravitate toward BM and walk out on what we are trying to work on. I have expressed all of this, on top of the dislike of spending the night, and him walking out the room to talk to her on the phone, although he tells me what he's doing. I know he's being a father and he's a great father to our other teen children. I feel bcuz he wants to repay her for the things she help him with, he goes over and beyond a father role. He has confessed to me on more than one occasion that I'm his choice, his wife, and has told his family the same, and that just because she has a baby doesn't change our love and relationship. He has also said that he will help BM bcuz that's his child's mother and helping her will help the baby, and I need to understand that. We have also been in arguments that he has threaten to walk out or I walk out bcuz of the continue distrust I have.....questioning everything, But neither of us has gone anywhere, I have continued to express my dislikes which gets to him and he continues to tell me to stop stressing and he trys to console me and make me feel at ease. But I keep pressing on... Sometimes he comes to me and tells me about there arguments I just listen and when I try to comment he Blows up and sometimes he will just have a conversation about what they talk about over the phone with the baby. She sends pics, videos and he shows them to me all. I've suggested agreed visitation, child support order, custody...he nods but has not moved, I believe he thinks he can the situation on his own. AM I just over reacting on my own fears...should I just let it go & look at his actions but don't be a fool, please help with any suggestions. Should I just focus on our relationship repair? our children... Thanks in advance! I sure need it ... I'm stressed and loosing weight by the day


    tiffany 21 months ago

    My boyfriend who has a baby on the way...but he told me before we got together. She dont like the fact that hes in a relationship with me...and he treats my baby as if its his baby...she calls him for every little thing! Im really sick of it and i dont know if its my place to say anything! Because shes carrying his baby...they not together...i just need to know how do i handle "a baby mama" period?


    chloe 21 months ago

    Hello friends i want to share my testimony and how grateful i'm since my lover came back to me because of the great help Lord Masuka whose email address is lordmasukaspelltemple@hotmail.com.com render to me. my boyfriend broke up with me first week of july this year because he thought i was cheating on him, he told me that his friends has been telling him that i have been seeing someone else when he is not around i tried to make him understand that his friends are lieing to him but he did not give me the chance to explain to him this was how he left me. after a month of our breakup i tried to live a normal life without him but it was very hard for me to cope then i decided to contact Lord masuka via his email address lordmasukaspelltemple@hotmail.com which i came across this months September 12th during my search looking for help how to get my lover back he cast a love spell for me and make my lover to come back to me within the period of 48hours. with this grate joy in my heart i want to say a big thanks to lord masuka he is the best spell caster and he is the best solution.Here is his website http://lordmasukalovespelltemple.webs.com you will be happy thereafter. You can add him up on Skype his user name lord.Masuka


    tarkishat profile image

    tarkishat 20 months ago Author

    Hi Bpoole,

    It seems like you've been handling this situation the way that you should. It also seems like if Baby Mama breathe hard around you, you gone tear that azz up. KMSL!! Girl I know it's hard not to get her straightened. But honey, that bond money could be spent on a vacation away from her crazyness. Now some women make it hard for a man to be a father to their child and a lot of men will rather handle it through the courts. They just rather pay child support and not see the child at all, because of the unnecssary drama. I know women that will have there Baby Daddies thrown in jail if they look at them wrong. Sorry to be blunt, but your man needs to grab his nuts and set them on her coffee table and let her know that this shit has to stop. It's about the child. Would she rather have a deadbeat daddy that wants nothing to do with her or the child or does she want a man that's been there and trying to stay there for his child. SMDH! I'm fed up with you Bpoole, she seems like a handful. Keep sitting in your place eating your popcorn, but help your man find his nuts too. You don't let nobody talk to you crazy if you know you doing the right thing. Y'all giving her what she wants, to have him scared of the courts. The courts are there for him too. She acts crazy, call the courts and file for custody too. I'm just saying, you shouldn't let nobody have you scared to speak your mind because of the courts. Thanks for commenting Bpoole. I wish you all nothing but the best.


    Bpoole 20 months ago

    @Tarkishat thank you for your response ! He doesn't just want to pay child support and leave it at that because he's a good man & father, and he wants to be PHYSICALLY apart of his daughters life. He's always been apart of her life , even more than BM at a one point. They've always had shared custody, until he and I had a baby together. I 100% agree with you though. It's funny that you suggested that I make him grow some balls. A few weeks ago, I got soo fed up with the drama, I told him that if he didn't shut this shit down by the next court date that I was DONE. ANY and EVERY thing that she's complaing about will be addressed and resolved by the court date on feb 4th and I can't wait ! Now that she knows this, she's trying to guilt trip him. "I just wish he was there consistently" and "do you want a to ride to my house to see her?" & my personal favorite, "I don't want her to be without a father" . She's even tried to catch him while he was at work. I just can't wait until he gets his weekends back because all this drama, child support bs, & her dictating to him about what he does and who SHE feels like can & can't be around the child will be put to an end. Thank you for your advice :)


    tarkishat profile image

    tarkishat 20 months ago Author

    You are welcome Bpoole,

    He seems like a great Dad and I wish you and him the best of luck on Feb 4th. Tell him to grab them nuts and walk into the courthouse like a Boss. LMAO!


    eliana dave 20 months ago

    hi tarkishat, i've been with the baby father for 16yrs after 14yrs we had a child. the first day we found out i was pregnant he reaction was he was confused. in my 3months pregnant i was in so much pain it was overwhelming i told him that. but he said if i couldn't take the pain i should abort the baby. the first reaction he was showing me the day i found out i was having a baby it hurt me so much. the second after he said to abort my baby it felt like he killed me. he wasn't happy because of all the fights we been having and he had lost his feelings for me as he say. but when im left him he was saying to his family that he loves me. he never say that to me ever when i confront him about his feelings for me he would never tell the truth. all this time he has been talking/texting to a lot of girls on the phone. he told me he is not doing that but i found out he was doing it. i confronted him many times about his feelings but still he seems to deny everything. he is flirting and trying to get the girls attention by texting them and most of these girls are married but they send him women pictures. i dont know if they are the actual girls on the pictures. i had known his phone code for many years after he has been hanging out with guys who cheats on their wives or girlfriends thats when he changed. the public becomes private i feel he is hiding something from me i always catch him lying. now he lives in another state but we are in a relationship but it doesn't seem like it. i asked him are we in a relationship he said sort of what is that mean? he is playing my feeling's and my head. he is very immature when i ask him is planning to bring us to where hes at? he said his thinking. i just feel like im wasting my time with this guy. what should i do about this situation im in? im not even from where i am now. im here because of him i flew from an island to where he was at then moved to another state. before he said we were gonna moved together. im confused thank you for your time of reading this.


    tarkishat profile image

    tarkishat 20 months ago Author

    Hi Eliana Dave,

    I'm so sorry for what you've been going through. He is not reliable. Do not depend on him. FOR NOTHING! Leave him be child. LOL! He is not worthy in my opinion. For a man to ask you to abort your child, he has no regard for human life. If he wanted you to abort his child, because you were having pains with your pregnancy, what makes you think that he want just ditch you the moment you become a pain to him? I'm just saying, move on quickly. Focus on the child that you're raising. A trifling man, is a selfish man that will only work for his needs. A real man will work to feed himself as well as his family. If a real man's family cannot eat, then neither shall he. (My words) The best of luck to you and yours Eliana! Thanks for the comment.


    Jo 20 months ago

    I've been dating a younger guy he's 29 I'm 49. I have a daughter older than him. We have been together 9 months and it's been great. Except for the 2 yr old child's mother. She and he had a 6 yr. Off and on relationship. Lots of cops called lots if fighting belittling each other. He told me that the daughter was conceived during a breakup. There relationship was very volitel. Which is why when I met him he was living in a motel. He is a hard working man and simply adores the child. He was present during the birth. In the 9 months i have taken him under my wing and his self-esteem has risen enormously. No more motels buses arguments for no reason at all. Btw he chose me and trust he chose well. But no matter how much he tells me that he loves me. I don't believe it. It may be true but until his child's mother stops the late night begging for him to come back and using the child (everyweekend the child's sick...or her). She makes no secret that she wants him back. And women's intuition tells me he's had happy family dreams also but he snaps out if it as soon as she shows her true colors. I swear I don't care about meeting the kid but not meeting her shows me that he may still be longing for her also. I am a great catch and it just seems like she because he allows it shows no bounderies at least let the bi### know about me. I'm not sure if she does but would i be wrong reaching out to her? She's a 28 yr old Rude ghetto Jamaican chick. i broke down and told him how i feel. Because like clockwork the child got rushed to the ER this mutha f...didn't come home based on his child begging for him to stay...she's 2! The man didn't even call! !! Came home mad that i was mad...and in my car!!!...help....should I just chill or gtfoh????


    vee1123 19 months ago

    My boyfriend and I have been together for 2yrs and he has an 8yr old son with a nother woman. His son lives with his mom in Louisiana but he goes and gets him every summer and he stays with us. Now she knows we are tigether but at the beginning she would always text him about her problems with her boyfriend and how unhappy she was over there and wanted to come back to Florida. I told him they should only be talking about their son n thought it was disrespectful that she went to hime to vent aboyt her personal life when he is with me. He agreed and told her. She fot upset at first but got over it. Sometime has passed since then but the last time he picked up his son he wouldnt answer my calls when he was there (only for a few hours) qnd would only text me. He says it was because he was at the airport with his son and spending time with him. Months later i find out that he went to have lunch with her and his son. Iguess i am questioning why he had to hide that from me if he doesnt have anything going on with her. They dont talk much at all and for the most part he is a very good man to me and have a great relationship. Which makes me question why he hid it. Should I be worried they hook up while they are there even if they dont have much of relationship?


    lovelyred7 19 months ago

    I have a question


    Stephanie 18 months ago

    Hi, well I've been dating my man for going on three yrs now. And we are getting married hopefully this yr. But he has this crazy ass bm. Well check this.... OK when we first got together she had a man and didn't bother my man (her baby daddy) didn't even allow him to see their boys or answer any or his calls. When he tried to call and ask about his kids. Well anyways she ended up getting pregnant for this guy she was with. And he left her. So know she alone with a newborn baby. Now that she's single. She started contacting my fiance about the kids. And we ran into her at a social event. This chick comes up to me and shows me her phone and was like Ed (my fiance, her baby daddy) keeps looking at my fb, then she says I've told him to leave me alone!!!! & my fiance has told me he has her blocked on fb. And he has showed me that she is blocked. So I'm like wtf is really going on? She is crazy! So I ask him and he says she's full of it. But she showed it to me on her phone. I don't see those profile things on a email lying. it said His name has been viewing her profile. So I asked him to say something to her about it. He said he would it's been over a week and still hasn't. So I'm thinking is he lying to me? Is she telling me the truth. He told me.i was just falling in her trap to pisss me off. Cuz she.dont wanna see him happy. It really bothers me that he don't wanna say anything to her. Like I'm the woman u say u wanna marry but you can't even stick up for me. Am I wrong for asking him to say something to her?


    tarkishat profile image

    tarkishat 18 months ago Author

    Hi Stephanie,

    I'm quite sure you cannot see who is viewing your facebook profile. Now if he's liking her pictures, that's a different story. I'm with your fiancee on this one, you're falling into her trap. Why would she come up to you and show you some mess like that unless she's trying to break the two of you up. Like Ed says, "She doesn't want to see him happy." She's not happy, so why should he be? I don't blame him for not asking her about it because then you're feeding into her madness. That's your man now, do not let her bring that foolishness into your relationship. I look at my exes profile, that doesn't mean that I don't love my man any less. I'm very happy in my relationship, but I still want to see what that MF up to. Lol! Thanks for commenting. Keep you focus on your upcoming marriage and let BM keep paying for those scam apps to see who's viewing her facebook profile. SMDH!


    lovelyred7 18 months ago

    Is it okay for your boyfriend to borrow money from his babymama and for her to give him furniture and me and him stay together and he doesn't inform me about it


    tarkishat profile image

    tarkishat 18 months ago Author

    Hi Lovelyred7,

    If that's the kind of relationship they have then I really don't see a problem. I do have a problem with him not discussing these transactions with you first. That's not right. I have a question for you. What's the relationship like with you and his Baby Mama?


    lovelyred7 18 months ago

    Yes I said and told him the same he acted as if he didn't care me and his Bm is cool she wishy washy we talk our conversations has been about their past relationship and things of that nature


    tarkishat profile image

    tarkishat 18 months ago Author

    Lovelyred7,

    That's good that you and BM do get along, but he has to work on his communication. He should let you know about anything he's doing for BM and what she's doing for him in order to keep the messiness at bay. He better start caring before him, that hot twenty dollars and that furniture be on the curb. KMSL! Best of luck to you all.


    lovelyred7 18 months ago

    Check this I'm 24 he's 45 and she 36


    tarkishat profile image

    tarkishat 18 months ago Author

    Lol! Girl he like them young. He too old not to know how this thang work. How many kids do y'all have?


    lovelyred7 18 months ago

    None he has 7 we lost 2 within 4months back to back


    tarkishat profile image

    tarkishat 18 months ago Author

    Lovelyred7,

    Sorry about your lost. I'm sure that was a rough time for you all. You know when I was your age I didn't have kids of my own and I did not want a man with any. Kudos to you for sticking by him with 7 kids. That says a lot.


    Missmonroe 18 months ago

    I love this page! I need advice, here's my story-

    My man and I got together 8 months ago. Initially he said he had no baby mama drama with the mother of his two year old daughter, until she started calling....all the time! Sometimes 50+ times in a row. She would send innappropriate texts, cancel his time with his daughter, etc. Keep in mind my boyfriend is no loser, he was paying $1000 a month child support during this time. She sends the child with Ill fitting clothing, junk food, and ungroomed. Always asking for money or clothing for their daughter.

    They went to court and he gets visitation rights, and his child support was lowered to $700 a month, because he had actually been paying quite a bit more than was fair to his salary, especially considering how much money he was still spending. This sent her over the edge! Even more texts/calls/missed weekends.

    Long story short, court did NOTHING. She's difficult, doesn't give him his daughter when she should, says innappropriate things about the father to the daughter, and CALLS/TEXTS ALL THE TIME and any chance she gets! My boyfriend in no way hides it from me, he lets me look in his phone if I choose. But he won't do anything to stop it. He says I just want my daughter, I don't deal with the drama. But it gets to me and I beg him to do something about it! He filed police reports and starts to act on it, but doesn't follow through. We agree they will limit communication to text so she doesn't start calling 5+ times a day. Until he calls her, or answers her call and it starts again...

    1) am I over reacting when I have a good man who is there for is daughter? We are perfect in every other area and I really am not worried he's cheating, his other point about why I shouldn't care, "I ain't trying to get with her"

    2) Screw that, why won't he put that crazy girl in her place? She doesn't need to call that much, her behavior is out of line and not a good example of how a woman should treat a man to their daughter. Why won't he just cut it to the minimum? He thinks by getting his daughter when she says, not the legal system, is easier and I need a man whose ex doesn't call all the time! Help!

    Thank you!


    jamelia 17 months ago

    I've been dating this guy for 6 months now and he has a two year old. Don't get me wrong I love him with everything in me but sometimes I feel as if he's lying to me recently his babymama moved out and got her own place.but lately she has people thinking they are still together.shes always calling my phone when he's with me wanting him to go home to get his child I'm to the point to where I juSt wanna let everything go cause I really don't know how much I can take anymore


    Frustrated wife 15 months ago

    Me and my husband were married for 16 years and still together in the present but one day we fought and he fooled around with one of our supposed driend at the time he now has a son with this woman..when i found this put of course ive cried a million tears especially because we were trying to have children but unfortunately had a couple of miscarriages i gave him a choice to be honest with me and if he wanted to be with her to go ahead and go on with his life with my blessings but he said he said he loved me and am sorry but he wont leave me .. So now we have my stepson every other weekend and me and my strpsonhas become very close which she doesnt like... But he told her she gotta understand that when they fooled around he was married and will continue to stay with his wife so now she tries to threaten him with his son she says he should be with her because she gave him a son were in the process of going through the court system so he can establish parental rights we also provide financially for my stepson i love him with all my heart but dont think i can deal with this baby mama drama she is bipolar shes always texting him he told her to stop but again she uses his son against him dont know what to do ive thought of the worst things i could do to her but frankly im not that kind of person so i just continue to pray i need help this is emotionally draining me what cand i do any advice???


    tarkishat profile image

    tarkishat 15 months ago Author

    Hi Frustrated Wife. I love the tag name by the way and I can understand your frustration. Your husband seems to be handling this very well. He's letting her know where his relationship stands with you and he's letting her know that she is just his child's mother and will be treated as such. You all are doing right by going through the court because she seems to not be getting the hint that that side of their relationship is over and now it's all about raising their son. I know it hurts that he even went out there and got someone pregnant, but the deed is done and your husband wants to continue on with you. She seems to be a real pain in the you know what but she is still his child's mother. I understand that being married to this man means that his problem are also your problems, but let him handle this. You just sit back and be cute through this whole situation. She knew he was married when she laid down with him and as long as he is doing his fatherly duties she should be happy. But nooo she wants it all. Well your husband has already let her know that it's not going down like that. Once the court has their say everything should smooth itself out a little and maybe then she will get picture. I wish you all nothing but the best. And this too shall pass.


    crystalalazay 15 months ago

    How about this...my daughter's dad's ex have tried multiple times to frame me by claiming that I'm harassing her and threatening their children. After complaining to him and getting no where, she then had someone pretend to be me and call her house and threaten her grandma and kids. The grandma immediately called our house afterwards to confront "me". The only reason why I was automatically cleared is because I was in bed with my daughter's dad and he could vouch for me. After not seeing the ex or hearing a peep from her in about 2 years, she then posted on Facebook that we were "beefing" and questioned why I was threatening her "innocent kids". Mind you, we know several of the same people...my pastor, supervisor, co workers, friends, and associates. I promptly filed a police report to cover myself. I did get dirty and responded by making it known to all her family and associates that I haven't even been in contact with her and that it was sad a mother would orchestrate threats against her own kids just because of a dude. I posted a screenshot of our messages in which I confronted her about the lie. I wanted everyone to know just how pyscho she is. She is so conniving and bitter. On one hand, I fight the urge to stomp her face in. But I also feel for her. She's bitter and angry and wants me out of the picture so bad that it's sad. I would never feel safe letting her be around my daughter.


    Mercedes 11 months ago

    I am a 20yr old talking to a 29yr old who has 2 kids by 2 diff woman. I quit speaking to him and told him I was done because I found out on fb he was still seeing her. He texts me saying he misses me and wants to see me. But im not the one trying to get sucked up in his games.


    lucy 10 months ago

    In met my man 2years ago , we became friends for a year before we dated. qwe decided to date and since we started dating we have been having issues with the baby mama who is calling him constantly in the middle of the night while sleeping and when i tell him hw i feel about what is happening he tells me that i have to accept that heis baby mama is going to be part of his life because they have a child together and she can call anytime she want. sugar coating the situation is not an option so if i cant handle it rather decide if i want to stay or not.

    but on the other hand when i recieve a call from my colleques he gets upset accusing me of cheating.is this normal? please help.


    tarkishat profile image

    tarkishat 10 months ago Author

    Hey Mercedes,

    Good for you girl. He wants you to be his side chick. He gone learn today. Lol! Be blessed.


    lost 10 months ago

    Wow do I have a story! I felt pathetic for even google searching baby mama drama but when I saw all the posts and websites it honestly made me feel better that I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE! So.....

    I met my boyfriend two and half years ago. He was just a friend that came into my families bar. I knew he had a child but was very attracted to him. His grandpa is very close with my family . We started dating, quickly fell in love and everything was wonderful. Until his baby mama found out about me and all hell broke loose. She beyond flipped. She started threatening that he wouldn't see their child anymore so that caused my bf to do pretty much whatever she said. This girl is 23, he is 26 I am 29. She never graduated high school, has never had her license, lives in government housing and is a big drinker, smoker and drug user. I wanted to hash things out from the beginning to make peace before anything got complicated. I wrote her a very nice long email through facebook and gave her my number and said if she would like to meet me before I am around their daughter that was absolutely fine! I thought everything was fine until my birthday that year, 2013. I got multiple texts forwarded to me that he was supposedly sending her the night before that were very explicit and disgusting. I flipped out and lost my mind. He swore his friend sent them from his phone which was kind of later confirmed through multiple people. Unfortunately, this girl has always had a hold on his entire family because of their daughter, she makes sure that everyone is afraid of her or they wont see the little girl so everyone caters to her and does whatever she says. Well, this kind of stuff went on and on and got worse with her telling me hes cheating on me when we were living together and multiple things happened that I found out he had been lying about so we were constantly breaking up and getting back together. This past January (2015) we got our own place together and when she found out, the chaos, although it seemed could never get worse, did. I couldnt take it anymore. I was done. I couldnt handle the constant phone calls, texts, stalking, screen shots, facebook comments, etc. I was done. I met a guy through a friend of mine in February and we moved FAST. I moved him into my home like an idiot, the weekend I met him. Crazy, I know. I thought, this is finally the answer to get over my ex and move on. I wanted to settle down start a family and finally have a relationship that I had 100% trust and never worried about drama. Well, after we dated a while, my ex contacted me and begged for me back. I was lost. I still was very much in love with him but it was so nice being with my new one to start fresh with everything I was torn. I broke up with my boyfriend because I told him I was confused, he moved out and I had my ex over to try and rekindle things. We ended up sleeping together, everything was great, then the baby mama started again and I quickly pulled away in fear again. I got back with my newer boyfriend and told him about my short relationship with my ex. He was very upset and said he didnt trust me but we would work on things. To make things more complicated, I found out 6 weeks later, I'm pregnant. I told my current boyfriend and he was excited, or so I thought, but in the back of my mind, I knew there was a VERY slim chance of it being my exes. VERY VERY slim, but still like a .01% chance. Well, he got to thinking that day and thought that it wasnt his, so, he doesnt come home from work and ended up going out with another woman and bringing her into my families bar. The day I find out Im pregnant with his child. My ex, instantly wanted to come back even though he knew the baby probably wasnt his but said he wanted it to be so bad to make his baby mama finally leave us alone. Then come to find out, to make matters even more INSANE! HIS BABY MAMA IS PREGNANT AGAIN WITH HIS SECOND CHILD! So if she wasnt crazy enough before in the past 2 1/2 years, she got 1,000,000 times worse. He said they had a one night stand to get back at me and he didnt think it was his kid and still doesnt know for sure. well, him and i have been on and off since all of this was found out because as soon as everything is going well, she threatens that he wont see the kids if he has anything to do with me so he runs back to her but misses me. well, he went to her families house one night and got drunk and got into a fight with her moms boyfriend, he went to jail but got out, to make a longer story short, he just got sentenced to two years in prison for felonious assault. She is due with her baby in a week, im due in 9 weeks. Since he is now locked up, she has been messaging me on facebook and posting things for me to see, saying that he doesnt want anything to do with me that he says he wants to have their family back together when he gets out and she hacked into his facebook and made it so they are "in a relationship" and had the audacity to send me a picture of her and him sleeping together saying it was the night before he went in which is a lie because he was with me. every time i block her when she messages me, she has someone else message me or she makes up names with new accounts, she will not stop. She said he asked her to marry him and is calling me psycho for thinking that him and i are still together. He called me more than 4 times a day from jail telling me she is only doing this to hurt me and to make me go crazy to get me to quit talking to him but I cant help but be angry with him because he should have taken care of this before he went into prison. He is eligible for judicial release in 6 months but he very well could do 2 years. What am i supposed to do? who do i believe? I cant get her to stop. I have NEVER responded to ANY of her messages i just block her. now, his family is siding with her and posting things on facebook that IM the psycho one that he doesnt want me . I told him to fix this or im done. Im not going to waste two years of my life with a newborn on the way and then get SCREWED when he gets out and he goes back to her! What do i do!? hes my world, hes everything to me. all he talks about is me being his wife and having children when he gets out. PLEASE HELP!


    tarkishat profile image

    tarkishat 10 months ago Author

    Hey Lost,

    Girl, I'm lost too. You have a lot going on, but what you need to concentrate on the most is the birth of a healthy baby. Stop stressing about things you have no control over. Once the baby arrives get the necessary DNA test to prove who's the child's father. Test the newer (ex)boyfriend first to eliminate all doubt. If it's the newer (ex)boyfriend, leave the Jail Bird and all of his Baby Mama issues with him. That relationship seems like hell on earth and your child does not need to be subjected to that. If the child is Mr. Jail Bird's then may God be with you. I pray that you all can come to a Happy medium and decide what's best for the child. Being in a relationship with him and his Baby Mama will be a lot of work and unwanted stress. If you want to be with him, just know that this will continue. It will not stop. You can raise your child by yourself and be happy and Drama Free. You have another person to think about now and that's where your focus should be. Congrats on your pregnancy and may the birth of this wonderful baby bring you much joy. Stay strong and stay prayed up. Be blessed.

    PS: I would love to get an update on your situation once you find out who's the child's father and what you've decided to do no matter which road you decide to take. Stay in touch. My email is tarkishat@yahoo.com


    KwaNeI 8 months ago

    Hey . First off I love this site and will become a member . I have a situation i want to discuss. I been dating a guy who is amazing and my kids seem to like him as well as my fam . He is 31 and im 23 so he has alot more experience but I'm still as intelligent as i was when we met and then some. So he has two kids . The first babymama was a big part of his youth and the second was his shot at redemption. The second babymama got married and divorced when he was away and the first doesn't see them getting back together. My thing is i know my baby daddies and i wint be together they are both married now thank God. But i am falling for this man and dont know if he is still active sexually with the baby's mamas. They dont seem to be bad people but i dont know . He says he isnt and i admit that i sometimes i assume and am completely wrong.. but i have been cheated on before and if they are still sexing or love talking with them i dont want to be apart of the team. They are friends on Facebook and still hang out on different occasions. Also i had his phone and saw msgs from a messenger app pop up from different women now im suspicious of all the above . I mean he treats me like a queen and im meeting his family. But i dont want to waste my time . I know im young but that doesnt mean i dont deserve to be happy with the person i love .. am i tripping or am i on to something


    tarkishat profile image

    tarkishat 7 months ago Author

    Hi KwaNel,

    You're definitely on to something and you do deserve to be happy. However, it's a good thing that he does get along well with his BM. But if they aren't talking about the child in these text messages and phone calls, you have every right to think that there is more to their relationship. Does BM know about you? Have you met BM before? That can tell you a lot. Thanks for the comment.


    ash 6 months ago

    I've been dating this guy for 6 years, everything was going great until now. Just last year I get a call in January saying his ex girlfriend had a baby for him. He states he didn't know about the pregnancy until the child was born. He also preceded to say he donated sperm to the girl years ago with a contract involved because she was having trouble getting pregnant when they were together. Now he has a child with his ex that he says he really didn't want because they were no longer together. Now I'm here in this situation and he expects me to be understanding and supportive. He stated when he asked her why she done that her response was since she couldn't get his last name now she has something with it which is the baby. Now him and his family gets the child on weekends just so the child can get to know them. I'm here with an unopened mind trying to figure out what's wrong with this picture. Now I'm newly pregnant with his child I just found out so now we will have more commotion in this mix. I already don't want to have any kind of relationship with that baby and I really don't want to have anymore involvement with his family. Some days I want to end this relationship and just have him support the child when it comes because this kind of situation is draining me. He stated he wants to marry me and have this family but I think this is just too much for me to handle at this point.


    tarkishat profile image

    tarkishat 6 months ago Author

    Hi ash,

    So I see right off what the problem is. You need to find out the real truth about this Sperm Donor situation. The only way to find out the truth is by asking the Baby Mama. She will lay it all out for you. Does the BM know about you? Have you and BM ever talked? If your answers are no then your reasons for not accepting this baby is strictly based on you not trusting what your boyfriend is telling you. If indeed you know for a fact that what he is telling you is the truth then I'm having a hard time understanding why you can't accept this innocent child if you truly love your boyfriend. If you love someone, you love them unconditionally. If you have fallen out of love with this person over this whole situation then there is more issues that are going on in your relationship that just has you fed up and ready to leave him. If you do decide to speak with BM, you have to take your angst out of it and come to her like a real woman. You should ask her flat out about this Sperm Donor situation. If she tells you that it's all lies and he and her were still messing around, then I would make a decision on whether to stay or leave. Nobody likes a liar. I wish you nothing but the best in this situation. Congrats on your pregnancy! I would love for you to respond back on whether you've talked to BM about this.


    Liz 6 months ago

    Hello what if is baby mother is sending emails and he is not mentioning them? It started off like this and I told him how I felt .... She stop ... But she is back at it again .... I responded.... And I ask him if she emailed back ...he said when she does he deletes them....but I found one then the next day found she wrote another and he opened it but hasn't said a word about it


    tarkishat profile image

    tarkishat 6 months ago Author

    Hi Liz,

    I don't have enough of your story to go on, but if the emails aren't concerning the well being of the child then I can understand your concern. Why hide the fact that he's communicating with his BM unless they are having conversations about getting back together. Do you have a problem with him talking to his BM or is it the subject of the emails that you're having issues with? Please respond back.


    4 months ago

    Hi there,

    I am at desperate measures here.

    My boyfriend of 6 months (officially) has a 8 month old son. I was talking to him while he was living with his BM at the time of the pregnancy. He claims they started living together to support her during her pregnancy(which is fair enough). They broke up officially a couple months after the birth, however, he said it had ended before that?

    I moved in with him 5 months ago and it was great, until my insecurity kicked in, I never grew up with two parents so I never knew what a healthy relastionship really looked like. He is still friends with his BM and I believe they talk daily... he doesn't tell me. Nobody knows about us because I work with him (not for much longer) which includes his mum. He has met my whole family, I havent met his at all, besides work related. He claims he is wanting too after his BM starts dating someone else... (could take years for all i know) before he makes it public so that she doesnt get upset and wont let him see his child or make a fuss etc.

    It has got to the stage where I am constantly suffering anxiety over trusting him with her. There are always small little things such as: Leaving soap by BM mum in his car (Apparently his mum brought it) thats has been there for a week now. Today I popped into work to grab something and he was in a "meeting" but I caught him walking back from watching BM swimming with his child... Why couldnt he tell me this? apparently his meeting had just finished... I am worried I am being unrealistic and suspicious for no reason. My biggest issue is that I am going away in a couple days for 3 months and I really don't trust him (or shall I say, her) (he hasn't given me a proper reason not too) especially since he told me that his friends invited her to their get together because she is apparently also friends with them. He doesnt want to go, for my feelings, but he is out of the country so how will I know?

    The BM and him dated for 4 years. We had already started dating when I noticed that he still had not taken the relastionship status off facebook between them, neither had she. Don't get me started on the photos littered on his page of both of them... Is it bad that i stalked and saw them and told him they made me uncomfortable? (His excuse was that he never uses facebook and he removed the Profile pictures but not the ones from last year (of them looking romatically at each other). Is this fair enough or am I being a crazy bitch??

    This has been giving me severe anxiety as I dont go to town because I know it makes him feel nervous, yet I feel as if he doesnt understand what I feel about him having this contact with his BM that I am not told about?

    I cant tell if he is hiding something, he is a really good man with morals and values but my gut tells me run (like always). This is my first proper relastionship and I am struggling with the whole BM thing! PLEASE HELP! p.s he gave her a car (very expensive suburau) to use while she 'gets back up on her feet'. I know he feels bad for not being there, but a car?


    tarkishat profile image

    tarkishat 4 months ago Author

    Hi K,

    Girl you have every right not to trust HIM. BM doesn't even know about you. Why would you want to be with a man that can't introduce you to his family and friends. That's a bunch of crap. He is living a double life and you are letting this happen. He is manipulating you into thinking he is protecting BM feelings. What about your feelings? He is playing both of y'all like a piano. Before he moved in with you, he should have laid everything out to the both of you so he would know how you and BM felt about this whole situation. I say this all the time. The man holds all the cards when it comes to dealing with BM and the new person in his life. He wouldn't be so stressed if he handled his business the way he should have. I say ditch that bag of stress and get you somebody that will show you off to the world and will dare anybody to say something negative. The man you deserve will only care about you and your feelings. The man you need is one that you can trust without question, even if he's in a room full of sexy women. Stop putting yourself through this and do what's best for you. Know your worth. I hope this helps. Best of luck to you.


    Sophie 7 weeks ago

    So, I know this guy now going 4 years. We've been on and of but for the last year and a half, I broke it off with him and kept it as friends. I couldn't deal with this baby mother issue and plus I moved to a different state. The first encounter with this women is when she texted me off his phone(mind you we were not together but still cool friends) and was calling me a home wrecker and that she's his wife. I explained to her that we were together and he NEVER told me he was married, he only told me he had a baby mother. I even went as far to tell her that we were just friends and this crazy woman asked me to come have dinner with them. Feeling betrayed and lied to i told her i want nothing else to do with him and kindly declined the offer. In a month he called me to to tell me that she was lying and she's crazy, he swore UP and DOWN that he was never married and they weren't together. Anywho, we continued to communicate as friends until in November he called me stressed saying that she took his girls away from him because he refused to be with her. As a good friend, I listened and helped him through the court process (from another state). When it came time for the court date he called me after livid saying how she is having his girls lie on him about him molesting his girls. Thats when i knew this bitch is EVIL!!! SO being that he had time to get evidence, I counseled him on how to print text messages of her telling him if they get back together she'll let him see his kids. After he was set for court he began bring up the thought of him and I getting back together, which I denied until he figured out what he wanted in life. That was the last time I heard from him (I called to to make sure he was ok, no answer). Fast forward to 2 days after his court date, I got text messages from a number, of this girl calling me a whore and home wrecker and she was threatening me. So I just handed her to my mom (she's jamiacan btw), this crazy bitch, after my mom cursed her out, had the nerve in between the text messages to ask me to go against my friend/ex, my mom was like this bitch is crazy. (she even answered the phone, when we called the number she was texting me from and acted like she was different person and told to block the number, just to text me right after we hung up) Some how i received a message from his phone saying that i was a whore and leave his wife alone. I flipped cursed him out and this bitch and moved on.

    however, this crazy women continued to harass me and made up a different number acting like him to harass me there. Fast forward to now, for the past couple a months i was getting private calls which i kept on ignoring until a few days a ago I answered and it was him begging me not to hang up, (and i hung up). He called again and my mom answered, and was apologizing saying that it wasn't him and how he respects both of us and how i should know that it he would never call me names. I refused to speak to him because i felt as if he should've never let it get that far. His response when my mom said that was he can't control peoples actions. He keeps calling me private, i guess hoping to speak to me. My cousin said I should hear him out and my mom but Im not ready, I really loved and cared for this guy and just the thought of him calling me a whore after he had to wait over year to get me, still has me livid. I don't know if I should forgive him and listen to him or just let it go? I can admit I still have feelings for this person but if he can't control that crazy woman or put her in her place I can't. Its like she has this rope tied around his neck and is using his girls to hang him. He's a great father to his girls and she knows that.


    Blessings 2 weeks ago

    I've been with this man for 5 years now, he has a son and I have 3 son but we don't have any together. Now his baby momma, hasn't been in a realtionship the whole time we've been together (so she says) but is always blocking his phone when she's mad at him or saying that their son isn't allowed to be around me but I've been around since he was 4 he's now 9. Now he's the Catch we broke up because I found our while we wasnt working and I was at work at night he use to be at my house talk to his babymomma on the phone telling her all of our business, PERSONAL business, i found this out because me and the babymomma went to lunch after she showed up to my job with her whole family to eat ( im a waitress) so because I was having suspicions. so i find out the whole time were at lunch he's calling her and not once called me. So I get back home and tell him he needs to pack his bags and go. So 5 month go by and we ended up getting back together but I found out in those 5 month they try it out once again. So now I have an insecurity problem when it comes to him dealing with her about there son. He says there not doing anything but how am I suppose to believe that when he hasn't done anything to prove that he isnt........i know it sound complicated but im really in need of some advise. What should I do????


    tarkishat profile image

    tarkishat 2 weeks ago Author

    Hi Blessings,

    From what I can understand, you and him have no kids together. Right? Well I don't see what the problem is. You don't trust him and you will never trust him because his Child's Mother is a permanent fixture in his life. But how do you know that he was calling to hook up with her. He could have been calling trying to see his son? Just asking. Respond back so we can figure this out together.


    Magda 3 days ago

    Hello. I have been saying my bf for 2 months. Feels like 2 years (in a good way, lol). He has 5 kids. 3 are grown and I've met them (from his 1st marriage) and a 4 and 3 yr old from a 4 year relationship. I habe not met the babies yet. He sees the little ones every Sunday and he tries to see them any other day way she allows. My issue? She has to be there for every visit. If he takes them to the movies, fishing, water park, anything she HAS to be there. He says that she thinks he will take them. He has not told her about be because he "doesn't know how she will react". He says I have nothing to worry about, that he doesnt want her and she doesn't want him. But I am jealous. He tells me there is no need. What do you think?


    tarkishat profile image

    tarkishat 2 days ago Author

    Hi Magda,

    Well you all have only been dating 2 months, so I can understand him waiting to tell her about you. Your relationship is farely new and he wants to be sure that you're worth telling her about. On the other hand I don't get why she has to be involved in all of the activities. They could be keeping it going for the kids. I would watch them close. It's still too early to know what the situation really is between him and his BM. He knows her and how she would react to him having a girlfriend. I say give him another month. That way he knows where he stands with your relationship and he can tell her about your well established relationship. Voice to him your concerns and ask him when does he feel is a good time to tell BM about you. Communication is key and the longer he waits to tell her the more likely she is to find out about you on her own. Neither one of you want to deal with that. Best of luck to you and your new relationship.

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