Just Say 'No' to Booty Calls

"Boys Just Want To Get In Your Tutu."

Beware the man who gets physical right away.
Beware the man who gets physical right away.

If you haven't experienced a "booty call" already, feel lucky.

What's wrong with booty calls? Well, where to begin...

First of all, you're not an object-- so don't allow anyone to treat you like one. Namely, booty calls are a beckoning from hormonal men at random hours of the day or night in which he feels sexually aroused and calls or texts you to show up to meet his needs.

If he needs stimulation, he's got his hand (or a blow-up doll). You are not a human tissue, so don't allow him to use you like one.

So you like sex. Good. We all do-- unless some trauma or medical disorder interferes. Don't let the idea that you're getting something out of this deter your rationality. A guy who only gives you attention when he needs your physical touch is nothing but bad news. After all, you can use a toy or manual method to get your own needs met. The thing about toys is that they won't break your heart after they give you pleasure.

They don't make promises they'll never deliver.

They don't claim to want the same things as you, like commitment, marriage and children.

They don't get you off then turn around and ignore you once the deed is done.

So, what will you choose? Being the meat on call when a guy has an itch to scratch, or a woman of substance who can say "no" to even the most tempting piece of fruit on the vine?

When you take back your self-respect, self-worth and say "no" to something even if you would enjoy it, it shows a great amount of self-restraint. Not too many of us are capable of such, and you'd be surprised how quickly you'll gain respect from drawing a thick line of boundaries.

Continue to stick to your values, hold out for the ones who see your inner beauty and "just say 'no'" to the guys who call you when their hormonal moons align.

No booty calls.

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Comments 27 comments

lovedoctor926 4 years ago

very well- said. Voted up & sharing.


wonderful1 profile image

wonderful1 4 years ago from Southern California Author

I might add: I hate that I get advertising disabled just for talking about a real subject. It was clean and to the point.

And thanks lovedoctor! Love coming right back to you.


Affinity2010 profile image

Affinity2010 4 years ago from New Orleans, La

I enjoyed your hub... it is right to the point and true. If a guy can't treat you like a princess and respect you enough to be a part of your life and love your spirit. Why should you make yourself become one of his many women he has in his little black book. Let him call another girl for a booty call.


Neetuar profile image

Neetuar 4 years ago from India

So true... also they try to emotionally blackmail you saying that they will leave you and never get back and this happens when they know that you are madly in love with that guy.

Completely agree with Affinity2010. Self-respect comes and should come first in any relationship. Where your self-respect is hurt, don't stay there, it is not meant to go on.

voted up and shared!


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 4 years ago

"Booty calls" are for (mature adults who know themselves) well enough that they are (certain) about not wanting anything other than a sexual realease.

The same can be said for "friends with benefits" arrangements. They work best for the late 40s or over age 50 crowd. These people very often have had "the wedding", raised their children, and often are happy being free and independent. However it does not mean they want to live like a monk or a nun. So they have someone they can get together with every now and then for a night or weekend getaway. Very often in this scenario their "partner" is someone they only see a few times a year when they are in town.

This is a well kept secret for many middle-age and seniors who live alone. Grandchildren and adult children rarely know about it. When two (informed consenting adults) have sex no one should feel used.

Problems arise if someone is having (casual sex) with a hidden agenda or deep down they want an exclusive relationship or marriage. You have to know what it is you (really want). Unfortunately a lot of young people get caught up in "booty calls" or "friends with benefits" while really wanting the opposite. In essence they are "settling" and not making an "informed choice". One man's opinion! :-)


Nadene Seiters profile image

Nadene Seiters 4 years ago from Elverson, PA

I have to agree with dashingscorpio. It is all about knowing what you want from the other person and being honest. People should stop trying to 'change' each other and accept who that person really is and what they really want. If two consenting adults are practicing safe sex and want nothing more than that, well, that is their choice and I do not think that it lowers their self-esteem or values.


wonderful1 profile image

wonderful1 4 years ago from Southern California Author

Good points, dashingscorpio and Nadene. For anyone who does choose the FWB route, know how the human brain works: the hormone oxytocin is released after orgasm and creates a "bonding" sensation. For males this effect lasts around 2 days; for females it can linger for up to two weeks. This chemically-induced need for attachment can mimic the feelings of love-- hence why many women often think they're falling in love with their FWB partner. Meanwhile, men are skilled at compartmentalizing their sexual experiences (ie keeping their emotions out it).

It's a risk you take when you agree to FWB, even if you originally think you're not looking for more. I still preach that men and women should not use their bodies for sheer pleasure and hold out for a more meaningful experience-- one in which you're emotionally attached to someone first. We all seek love and to "settle" for FWB is accepting that you're not worthy of the whole package. I think all of us deserve to have love first and foremost. Sharing our bodies is just a bonus to the love you can offer.

But what do I know-- I wrote this hub after coming to the conclusion that that arrangement doesn't work for me. I'm one of those women who can't keep emotions out of "it."


dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 4 years ago

wonderful1, You make a valid point regarding "hormone oxytocin" which probably further illustrates that (FWB) are best suited for (mature or older people). They are more likely NOT to confuse good sex with being in love. :-)

In fact I believe (FWB) and "Booty calls" have been around in (the elder set) for many generations. They just did not give it a name. Last but not least I agree with you regarding losing ads over this hub subject. The same thing happened to me when I wrote about this 2 years ago. http://hubpages.com/relationships/A-Newly-Single-W...


wonderful1 profile image

wonderful1 4 years ago from Southern California Author

Oh, I've been censored on this site countless times. They should call it "Puritan Press" for the strict rules. I mean really...


Thundermama profile image

Thundermama 4 years ago from Canada

Good points, straight forward and concise. I could have really used this info hammered home to be me in my early twenties. I plan on passing on your sage words to my daughters when the time comes.


wonderful1 profile image

wonderful1 4 years ago from Southern California Author

Great to hear, Thundermama! I know what you mean, cause I feel the same way. My mom didn't share this stuff with me, so I'm hopeful to steer my daughters away from learning things through your own skin (no pun intended).


Affinity2010 profile image

Affinity2010 4 years ago from New Orleans, La

I think a real big problem with friends with benefits or booty calls is when someone is led on by the other person involved in this liason.

In my younger days I have had men lie and tell me that they wanted a real relationship or that they loved me just so they could jump into the sack with me. I was naïve and young then and was devastated when I realize I was lied to just so that the guy could have sex. And then there are the guys who ran off because I didn't put out. It's like a catch 22 or you can't win for losing. It is better to stand you ground no matter what a guy says to you about loving you. Let him prove it in his actions, like marrying you.


realtalk247 profile image

realtalk247 4 years ago

Great article. What you said is true and standing on higher ground is always best when it comes to this situation. Well said.


creativecooke47 profile image

creativecooke47 4 years ago from Eutaw, Al

I agree with this post. I am worth more than an 3 AM phone call or text. Men are like magazines there is one for every taste. If you are patient you'll eventually find a cool one, if not you get stuck with....


wonderful1 profile image

wonderful1 4 years ago from Southern California Author

Thanks for that, creativecooke-- I've never had a guy text at 3 in the morning, but I have had my share of inappropriate texts, pics, and call to "see me" in the afternoon, only to have the Houdini (disappearing) act pulled afterward.

I wish you could determine which guy is sincere or lying with a quick test. It would save us women a lot of time and frustration in the dating game.


nurseleah profile image

nurseleah 4 years ago from West Virginia

Another great hub! You really write some excellent stuff. I'm not sure why, but a lot of young women (myself included about 14 years ago) refuse to really hear this. I'm sure many of them are looking for love and belonging without realizing it, but I'm don't know how to reach them, how to really make an impact on them. Everything seems so pressured when you are young...like you have to find "The One" right this moment, that somehow just being young and having fun and making life goals and working to achieve them is not enough. I grew up in a small town in Appalachia, so I don't know if it's like that for young women everywhere or if it is that intense everywhere else, but certainly in Appalachia, getting married is the next developmental step after graduating high school. Sure, you can go to college too, but getting married and starting a family actually seems to have more importance. Once I was able to remove myself from that mentality, I became a much happier person and amazingly enough, at the ripe old age of 31, I finally fell in love for the first time.

Happiness does not revolve around a relationship. It sounds so cliche', but happiness comes from within. Find happiness in yourself and you won't need a booty call to boost your confidence and to feel loved.


wonderful1 profile image

wonderful1 4 years ago from Southern California Author

Well said, nurseleah. I think many women are still desperate to get hitched, but the social standing is changing. More and more women are becoming aware of their independence and have more power to turn men away that try to mold them into the old standard of being their replacement mommy while bringing home a paycheck.

More women are also filing for divorce which speaks volumes. I think the movement going on is that we (women) won't take bad behavior from men anymore. If any of the younger women are still "settling" just to have security in marriage, that makes me sad. I made the fatal mistake of putting my complete trust and faith into the sanctity of marriage and fell flat on my face. Here I am: 40 year old single mother of three with no degree, working part time for peanuts. I can now turn the clock back and start over developing my career.

Needless to say, my life's mission is to educate others not to end up where I am. This is a hard life, and very difficult to fix. But my spirit is unbreakable. I have many inspirational stories in my mental file cabinet that I plan to turn into books. Time.


A Driveby Quipper profile image

A Driveby Quipper 3 years ago

Hey, if I get a bootie call, I am cool with that.


DDE profile image

DDE 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

Good one, Booty calls should be ignored. One should be treated with respect and love not with a booty call.


penlady profile image

penlady 3 years ago from Sacramento, CA

This is a brilliant hub! No woman should settle for just being a "booty call." Have respect for yourself and a man will respect you for doing so.

Voted up, useful, and shared.


wonderful1 profile image

wonderful1 3 years ago from Southern California Author

Thanks, penlady-- best wishes to you!


Not John Smith 3 years ago

Uh, I hate to burst anyone's illusion, but a man will NOT respect you for turning down sex. I sure wouldn't. I would just assume that you are NOT a hot, horny lady and that any relationship with you would be mostly platonic.

I don't look at women as sluts when we have sex. I believe they are exciting and that they enjoy a climax just as much as I do. I also believe they enjoy the emotional connection they achieve during sex. If you're 40+ and you refuse sex, my first thought is that you are over the hill and have no more desires, and that is something that I absolutely do NOT want in my life.

Hey, maybe we can have dinner sometime, when I'm too tired for sex. Dinner, and then I take you home afterwards and shake your hand and thank you for the your time. By that time, I will already assume that you are just too old for sex, so I will NEVER offer it again. It will be handshakes and pats on the shoulder for you, where I keep my hands above your waist at all times.


wonderful1 profile image

wonderful1 3 years ago from Southern California Author

I'll respectfully disagree, John. And I know a lot of men my age feel like they're somehow "entitled" to sex without a relationship, as if by this time, we women don't require courtship, establishing common goals or having any self-control. That might be true for many women my age, but I've become more evolved. I'm more than just a warm body to be used by anyone-- regardless of age. It's called self-respect and I would rather stay single than give up my dignity.

If I don't make a connection through the traditional way of getting to know someone first, establish a friendship and then explore our sexuality, then I'm happy to stay on my own. The type of man who is evolved and looking for a like experience of passion mixed with complete trust and caring for each other will appreciate that. They are out there, even if you feel otherwise.


Not John Smith 3 years ago

Oh, that is perfectly acceptable. Just say this:

“I enjoy sex, but only within the confines of a monogamous relationship. I would no more consider random sex with someone that I barely know than I would consider dancing in the middle of the freeway at rush hour!”

What I was talking about are the older women who NEVER have sex!

“Nope! Don’t want it. Don’t do it. I hate sex! Keep your dirty, filthy hands off me!’ she says, with a sense of revulsion in her voice.


Affinity2010 profile image

Affinity2010 3 years ago from New Orleans, La

I agree Wonderful1. There is this misconception that because some women are easy when it comes to charming her pants off that all women can be easily persuaded to follow suit, especially if she decides on given up her own goals or the big picture in order to keep a man in her life.


trusouldj profile image

trusouldj 3 years ago from Indiana

I suppose some feel lonely and want love so bad that they'll take it in whatever form it comes. Good stuff.


CJ 3 years ago

YES love this!

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