Keeping Sex Sensual and Exciting

Creative ideas to keep things electric!

Fairly recently, my relationship with Jared started to grow stagnant sexually. I was puzzled because we seem to have a great connection in nearly every other sense. As a result, I was under the impression that a great sex life should come naturally as well (after all, we're both quite experienced in that department). Well, it turned out that I had made the wrong assumption.

According to Jared, I had unintentionally conveyed that I preferred a fairly "tame" and "conventional" sexual style. Wrong! In reality, sexual creativity is close to the top of my list of turn-ons. I am someone who thrives on variety and adventurousness. In fact, I discovered that I conveyed this "tame" demeanor because I assumed that he wanted "conventional" intimacy/sex (naturally, his preferences turned out to be quite the opposite as well).

After coming to this conclusion and communicating this information to each other, we finally sat down and had a heart-to-heart. Details aside, let me tell you this: the sex that we had that night, following our conversation, was the best, most electric sex we had ever engaged in. The connection was ever-present, he knew what I wanted and how I wanted it, and vise-versa (and we didn't need a candle-lit dinner or Barry White music in the background to accomplish that).

For my first few ideas, allow me to use myself as an example: for the record, I am a fan of being "dominated" (ie: held down, tied up, etc.). Being controlled for a while allows me to let go of my inhibitions and to get an idea of what Jared is into.

(Of course, he knows that if I tell him to stop at any point, I expect him to comply. But if I keep my mouth shut, he has my permission to proceed.)

"Mild" bondage: One of my favorite things to do is to grab one of Jared's ties from the closet and either (a) bind his wrists together, or (b) use the tie as a blindfold, which seems to intensify all of the sensations that you're likely to feel during foreplay, oral sex, or intercourse. This also places me in the dominant role, thus even more able to experiment with what causes a reaction and what doesn't.

Feel your way around: When you're feeling around on your partner's body, trying to determine where their most responsive areas are located, there are certain areas that "statistically" seem to produce more of a reaction than others. Here are some areas that appear to work most of the time on most people: (a) each side of the neck and the back of the neck, (b) almost anywhere on the back (mainly the lower back and upwards, near the shoulders), (c) ears and/or earlobes, (d) lightly tugging your partner's hair (they will tell you if they want you to pull harder or stop entirely), (e)forearms and undersides of the wrists, (f) palms and fingers, (g) public area, (h) inner thighs, and (i) feet. Lightly running your fingers over the skin on these areas, lightly scratching with your fingernails, or tonguing are tactics that you may want to experiment with when you see the opportunity to do so.

Massage: Jared and I have found that massages given with massage oil (as opposed to without) have the potential to arouse when given for moderate lengths of time (giving long massages tends to relax the other person to the point of drowsiness). Once you have the chance to sensually touch the back, chest, and various other areas of the body, it should be a bit easier to coax your partner into being "in the mood". Furthermore, sometimes I like to combine a moderately long back massage with kissing the back of the neck, which almost always induces a telling response.

Speak up: Some of you may find this to be somewhat nerve-racking, but I promise that it works about 90% of the time that it is used: being revealing with your words. Ways of doing this can range anywhere from "talking dirty" to using phrases such as, "I like it when you ______," "It feels so good when you ______," "Do ______ harder," or, "Do ______ like this: (fill in the blank)." If you would prefer to work up to all of the above, start by asking your partner(s) what he or she wants or likes, or how they want or like something done to them. Also, when your partner(s) asks you how you like something to be done to you, try responding with, "I can show you better than I can tell you." Trust me, your partner will be up for a show almost every time.

Relocating: Jared once told me that he wanted to try being intimate in areas of the apartment other than the bedroom. I'll admit that the idea seemed a bit daunting at first, but that feeling of slight nervousness was what made it seem all the more appealing. Mentally, it was a new challenge for me. And once we tried it, I was impressed with how much fun I had!

Common areas outside of the bedroom appear to be the living room floor, the couch, the kitchen counter (just make sure that you sterilize all surfaces afterward), the hallway (the floor or up against the wall), the shower (or in the bathtub), and even the car.

Dressing up: While out shopping with friends, I recently bought a traditional corset and a new pair of panties. Believe it or not, they were originally intended for me to wear outside of the house. But when I showed Jared what I'd purchased, he insisted that I model them for him. His reaction to my new clothes was so distinct and so positive that I couldn't resist putting the moves on him, just to see how worked up I could get him (just let me say that it was very effective *wink*).

Repositioning: Has six years of yoga really paid off? Yes, in more ways than one. It turns out that physical flexibility is quite beneficial to me as well as Jared. I have the ability to bring my feet right up next to my head, we have taken full advantage of that. For those of you who aren't able to pretzel your bodies: ladies, try being on top for once if you haven't done it in a while. Don't worry about how you look to your partner and sit up during intercourse; this will do two things for you: (1) it will allow you to rock your hips in such a way that your G-spot is massaged, thus creating pleasure for you; (2) if the lights are on, your partner will be able to see you, which will produce a noticeable reaction that may turn you on even more. Men: being on top will allow you to go in as far and to go as fast as your partner will allow you.

Ladies: if you're able, get on your hands and knees and try "doggy" style. When done correctly, this will also massage your G-spot. If your partner goes in too far and hits what feels like a "wall", he has hit your cervix. In some cases, this can actually produce pleasure (you have to be quite aroused to obtain that effect). But if this is painful for you, simply reach back with one of your hands and push on one of his thighs, which should push him out of you. If he doesn't get the hint, simply tell him not to go in so far.

 Here are some other positions that you may consider trying: (a) 69, (b) "plow" (can be found with almost any internet search engine), (c) the human pretzel, (d) man sits on the floor crossed-legged or straight-legged and woman sits on top, giving both of you control, and (e) standing either up against the wall or with the woman's legs around the man's torso, giving the man control.

Make some noise: When you start to use these tactics with your partner(s), I strongly suggest that you tell them to be as vocal as they can (but it should flow naturally. It shouldn't feel forced) when something feels good. This will allow you to determine what works best, and you should also be vocal/responsive when you are the receiver.

***This advice is based on my own experimentation and the experimentation and reports of others. If you have any questions or need more details after reading, please leave a comment and let me know.***

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