Keeping Our Relationship Together
My boyfriend, Jason and I recently got our first apartment together. We have both been moved out of our parents' homes prior to moving in together, but I looked at this as a very important milestone in our relationship.
"You never really know a person until you move in together", is what my mom always told me. I never doubted her, but I also never realized just how true that statement is. She always made it clear that she believed that couples should live together before getting married and I can totally agree.
Granted, Jason and I really didn't date for a long time before moving in together. I worked at the local bowling alley/lounge and he bowled there. He was always really shy, but he always caught my eye; ever since I started working there 3 years ago.
We've Always Had Our Differences
Working at a bowling alley/lounge, you get a lot of regulars, and I mean a lot! I saw the same people at least once a week when they bowled for league. Some people bowled several nights a week. Some people came in to bowl for fun as well. Other people came in to drink in the lounge. Some people did all of the above! The point I'm trying to make is that working at the bowling alley/lounge, I got to know many of the people who did business there.
I was known as a social butterfly. I was very personable and everyone knew who I was. You could tell that Jason and I had our differences, even back then. Even though I was really outgoing and personable, Jason was always quiet. We never really talked until about a year and a half after I started working there. He was the one person who took a while for me to get to know. I guess you could say that he had a bit of mystery to him, which caught my eye.
Needless to say, we only started getting to know each other a little over a year ago. I got pregnant and about 5 months into my pregnancy, we decided to move in together. We didn't only move in, but we moved away from our family and friends. We used to live in Pennsylvania, but moved to Oklahoma.
We're Trying To Get Along Better
This whole entire thing has happened so fast and there are so many changes that have been happening.
Since we moved out here, we've really started getting to know each other a lot more (as you'd expect). We have been finding that we don't exactly see eye-to-eye on everything. It's not that we don't get along. It's just that everything is so overwhelming for both of us. I think it's a mixture of everything. We're trying to get to know each other, get established in a new state, get ready for a baby, and the list goes on.
We have been trying to work on our relationship, which by the way, hasn't been easy!
We finally decided to see a relationship counselor a little over a month ago. We agreed that we needed that outside person to help us understand each other better.
I've had to learn how to open up (I'm terrible at speaking my feelings).
He's had to back off and stop putting so much pressure on me.
We need to work on not only understanding each other, but we need to learn pretty much everything. Whether it be acceptance, trust, faith, patience, etc. One thing is for sure. I have faith that we will work out as a couple if we continue to work at it. Relationships have to be worked at (no matter who you are); just like any good thing needs some kind of work put into it.
I Think It's Paying Off!...Him Being Sweet Doesn't Hurt.
We don't have a car right now, but one day, Jason was given his brother's car to borrow for a few hours. On his way over to our apartment with the car, he decided to take a pit stop. He said he was only going to be 20 minutes at most, so when he was gone for twice as long, I wasn't sure what to think. One thing is for sure. I definitely didn't think he'd walk through the door with any kind of present.
There he was, walking through the door with some incredibly beautiful flowers. He looked so cute. I can't even think of another way to put it. He looked kind of flushed from the heat and from trying to get home so quickly. He looked anxious to give them to me. He looked enthusiastic towards what my reaction would be. Seeing him holding them and looking so adorable made my heart melt.
It's been a week now, and those flowers are still on display in our kitchen and still just as beautiful as the day I received them. I can't believe how long they've lasted!
Either way, whether they last long or not, him showing up with those flowers is probably the sweetest thing that I can remember.
My Point Out Of All This:
Relationships are worth working for. It isn't shameful to admit that a couple needs help. Every relationship needs work. Even those people you envy because you think have the perfect relationship. Even they have had to work at it.
I'm thankful that we realized early on that we needed to do something about our arguing. Even though it wasn't really terrible, our arguing was quite often and we would end up not talking to each other (and a relationship NEEDS communication!).
**Oh, and for anyone that would like to start seeing a relationship counselor, if you think you can't afford one, try looking into what your state has to offer. A lot of states offer counseling services that are done on a sliding scale. That means that they charge you an amount based on your income.**
I'm grateful that we are able to see a relationship counselor. I'm glad that Jason's willing to go. It really shows how much he cares.
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