LOSS OF INNOCENCE
Question of the day: "Why did you make the choice your virginity was worth losing?"
Had I been asked this question when I was contemplating losing my virginity these would have been my answers: (A) In love, (B) Sexuality vs. Noboyfriendville, (C) Competition, (D) PEER PRESSURE. My answer today is simply "Immaturity."
~Immanuel Kant quoted: IMMATURITY is the incapacity to use one's intelligence without the guidance of another.
Immaturity is how many girls make one of the most important decisions of their lives and therefore are easily misguided under the influence of Peer Pressure. Many of us felt we were making conscious decisions at each of our given times. What many of us thought was love was merely curiosity. Many of us entrusted this event to boys we had known for a long time or dated. All of our active peers assured us it was "The Most Tremendous Occasion!" Well for me and the other women I have met throughout my life this was not the case. We all share the same story/experience. Instead of feeling oh so tremendous, we were all left with the feelings of emptiness, confusion and shame. Disappointment! Very unsettling.
Although the social mores and attitudes about having sex has greatly changed over the years, feelings about having sex for the first time haven't. For a girl, Losing her virginity is, always has been and probably will always be an unsettling experience. Most girls when asked by their peers "How was it?", respond by saying: Overrated, Disappointing, A waste, Just awful, Boring, Stupid, Empty, Ridiculous, Awkward, Miserable, and Unmemorable. Personally, I burst into tears because I felt all of the above with the inclusion of overwhelming guilt. Why? I knew I had let my poor unaware parents down as well as myself. I know, I know......those are some powerful depressing words used to describe the event that was suppose to change my world and turn me into a woman. I was an clueless child with another clueless child! What did we know? We both were operating from pressure on both sides. We were two curious teenagers trying to experience the joy of adulthood. Neither one of us was emotionally ready for the aftermath let alone the event itself. Sure there are stories of happy endings where fireworks were displayed; but these are the stories of older girls who were emotionally ready and with someone they truly cared about. In a perfect world, they shared this experience with their new husbands and Cinderella lived happily ever after. After All this is how it's intended. This is an experience to be shared by the ones that have committed their lives to one another and who are truly in love. If this is not the case then girls will be left with all the above emotions with no resolution in their sights to deal with them. This leads to an impression that can make it harder for them to develop a good sexual relationship when they are older.
Teenagers really need to consider some important issues before they make the decision to have sex such as: Will you disappoint your family, friends, and most all yourself? Will you compromise your self worth, values? Will you feel guilty? Are you really able to handle the variety of emotions "giving in" for the first time brings? My advice is if you know you have any doubts to these questions or know for certain you can't. DON'T! Wait until you are an adult and are more capable to make rational decisions. If it's real love, then it will be there when you are ready. If it is not, you just spared yourself an difficult heartbreak. Guys will respect you when you say "NO." As for the few who will not, who cares? These are what many refer to as "Born Losers", they came here screwed up. Their character is questionable and their definition of life is to take and not give. So what if you may have to reside in "Noboyfriendville" longer than you would prefer; the end result is an healthier, happier you.
If you are a mother of an teenage daughter, you are aware of the startling statistics. Therefore, you should not be suprised when your daughter has questions. Although, your mother may not have handled the subject of sex very well where you were concerned or more than likely not handled it all. You could be the deciding factor in your daughter's choice. I can say this, Not talking about it or handling it poorly, will result in her being misinformed and unprotected. With the rise in sexually transmitted diseases and teenage pregnancies, both of which will at best challenge or possibly ruin her life this is not a subject you would prefer your daughter have with anyone other than you. True enough with the insistence of Celibacy you can encourage her to wait until she is truly ready. However, in this day and time it is an nostalgic dream she will listen. Keep in mind you are fighting against young love, rebellion and peer pressure. Three of the most important factors in an immature teenage girl's mind.
If you insist she cannot have sex before marriage then you have closed the door to any further meaningful conversation you will have with your daughter; but you have opened an window to release her to predators. It is better to be an "askable parent" than an close minded one. It is your job to give her the tools to navigate through this life as best she can. Advise her that once a relationship becomes sexual she will become more vulnerable to being deeply hurt.
What is life other than a series of good and bad choices we all make? It's what we decide to do with our bad choices that will either build us up or tear us down. ~Paedams
We are now in the age of technology where sex is really exploited and our kids along with it. We are surrounded by self indulgence where life is seen as a game, race, journey and a battle. For the most part life is viewed as a game and whoever has the most toys at the end of the game wins. Moral values are no longer of value. Solomon in the book of Ecclesiastes, said that regardless of what image or model is used to demonstrate your life, it is to be cherished, enjoyed and relished. Life is short, fleeting and fading and not to be lived in regret. Take your children (male and female) by the hand and have the conversation of sex when they are ready. We all chose to forbid our children from all dangers, especially sex; but the decision is ultimately theirs. All we can do is educate them when needed. God Bless.
Copyright 2011. PFP