Ladies: Do You Have These Types Of “Rules” In A Relationship?

Are you the type of girl that set up rules when you are in a relationship with a guy?

Rules such as:

  • "No sex until three months into the relationship"
  • "I will not say I love you until he says it first (just so I won't be embarrassed if he doesn't feel the same way) or...I will not say I love you until we are "fill in the blank" months into the relationship.

The truth is when it comes to relationships, there are no right rules. There are many couples I know who have experienced wonderful intimacy in their relationships early on as partners...and they're still together. I also have a friend who recently told her boyfriend that she loved him after only being with him for a month. And to her surprise, he said it back. There love is so strong and they are great as a couple.

When you feel it's the right time to have sex or to say "I love you", then you should act on your feelings. I know you might be thinking: "what if he thinks I'm easy?" or "what if he doesn't say I love you back to me?" Well you'll never find out to you act upon your feelings. There's no such thing as time. And there's no guarantee that if you say those three words many months or years into a relationship that he will say it back anyway.

So express to him how you truly feel. You may be very pleasantly surprised by the way he feels and thinks.

Comments 2 comments

phylicia.threats 8 years ago

I think setting boundaries is a healthy way to maintain a relationship; the problem comes in when the "other person" isn't made aware of those boundaries. Acting on impulse and going against your values sears your conscience and guarantees emotions of regret even if your relationship is successful.

Guys have rules, too.

"If she disrespects me in front of my boys, it's over"

"If she calls me stupid, I'm out"

"I'm not buying her anything expensive if she's not showing me love"

Relationships can be very painful, rules and boundaries are simply safeguards to keep your heart from getting smashed into pieces by some insensitive (fill in the blank).

You never know how many times a person's been hurt before they meet you. Emotional scars run deeper and do more damage than physical ones. Rejection is a very real fear, and sometimes people make rules and don't know it. Many times "rules" are expressed as a pattern of subconscious behavior more so than well thought out plans. Express and respect boundaries in the beginning, and I think that will cut out a lot of confusion.


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loveguru23 8 years ago from Queens, NY Author

Thanks Phylicia for your comments. You have some excellent points and opinions.

I know there are alot of people who have been hurt before in a relationship. But that doesn't mean that the people that they meet up with should have to suffer the consequences becuase of what happened in the past.

Say the relationship ended on good terms...would that person still set up boundaries for people that they would start to go out with? 

Going through the bad relationships will only make you appreciate "the one" more.  

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