A Survivor Of Mother's Day Depression
"There's no mistaking the tenderness and the beauty of the love in a Mother's face"
Mother's Day Expectations - A Set-Up For Depression
I've been mothering now for nearly 30 years, but as I look back on my past Mother's Day experiences, I can clearly see that I did not get what Mother's Day was really all about. I didn't realize it at the time, but I had developed some ridiculous expectations, that immediately set myself up for disappointment. When the "perfect" Mother's Day did not materialize as planned in my head - the day was ruined! I found myself unhappy and readily blamed my husband on HIS great failure to appreciate ME properly - on MY day.
Mind you, it took me quite a few years to actually verbalize that it was HE, who was the problem I had with Mother's Day. I respectfully suffered through Mother's Days year after year - until I could NOT take it any more!
My husband did not have a chance. I got pregnant, like 3 weeks after we were married, and ultimately ended up with five children. Dealing with my emotions on Mother's Day, became a yearly event - that neither one of us looked forward to. I can remember absolutely DREADING going to Sunday Services, where all the sermons would be directed toward how WONDERFUL it was to be a MOTHER, blah - blah - blah. The worst talks were the ones that the men gave, about how amazing their OWN mothers were! I know this was, and is supposed to make moms feel good about what they do. For me however - for some reason it backfired and I tended to feel like scum.
"There is no love, like a mother's love no stronger bond on earth..."
Mother's Day - Acknowledging My Issues
About 10 years into our routine, I began to suggest that my husband
buy me a corsage for Mother's Day. (from the children of course) This
would symbolize my significance in their lives -- wouldn't it? I would
proudly flaunt my beautiful flowers at Church, feeling confident that
everyone knew just how much I was cherished, as a MOTHER, by my husband
and children. Surely, this would drowned out any of my own feelings of
inadequacies as a mother -- throughout the meetings, and the day. This seemed like a great Mother's Day survival technique.
Nope! Eventually, I began to feel very comfortable verbalizing to anyone who would listen to me, that "I HATE Mother's Day"! I honestly wanted to just sleep through it and wake up on Monday as if NOTHING had happened. But LIFE would not allow such a luxury for me. I had to figure this thing out, because really - this was ONLY Mother's Day!
The one thing that I did appreciate about Mother's Day - and always have, are the simple tokens that my children produced yearly, to express their love for me - their mother. Whether it was a clay stamped hand, picture, letter, or a card, etc... these "gift" from their sweet little hearts were always endearing to me. I loved being their MOTHER -- and I readily accepted their desire to show such appreciation.
In fact, it was because of my own sweet little children, and their genuine desire to see mommy happy on Mother's Day - that ultimately caused me to finally recognize exactly HOW I could change the tide; and acknowledge my own "issues".
Books About Mother-Daughter Relationships
A Tribute To Mothers And Mothering - Happy Mother's Day
"A mothers love is unconditional, patient & forgiving and seems to encompass everything"
Finding Peace As An Imperfect Mom
As much as I didn't want to admit that I had issues about mothering, with my own mother - I had to. I'm not going to go into detail about what those were - other than to say that I was a very disappointed child, when it came to being mothered. I've never been the type of daughter, that wanted to blame her mother for every problem I had with my life. I'm still not. Although, I finally came to realize that my feelings of being an inadequate mother stemmed from the judgement that I was harboring toward my own mother.
Eventually I realized that if I wanted my own children to understand how to honor their own mother in the future, and ultimately themselves - that I needed to learn how to honor MY mother - regardless! I decided that instead of focusing on what I felt were my own inadequacies as a mother and feeling that I could never be that "perfect" mother -- I would turn my focus toward celebrating my mom on Mother's Day.
Focusing on my own mom, became the catalyst that over the years has allowed me to accept myself as a mother, and realize that the PERFECT MOTHER, does not and NEVER will exist! At least not in this life!
This Mother's Day, for the very FIRST time, I have been invited to one of my daughter's homes to enjoy a wonderful day. I'm guessing that I did the right thing in deciding to not think or worry about me on Mother's Day, but to be an example to my children. Isn't that what mothering is really ALL about?
A Tribute To Mothers - One Heartbeat At A Time
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Motherhood - The Experience Of A Lifetime!
You might be wondering how I feel about being a mom now, 30 years into it? Well, honestly - mere words are very inadequate to express the gratitude that I feel in my heart for the blessing of being mothered, mothering and now seeing my own three beautiful daughters become mothers, themselves.
Truly, my cup runneth over -- and if you could see me right now just thinking about it -- you would understand why I need to just stop typing, because I can't see my computer screen any longer...
Happy Mother's Day to every women - who whether she has children of her own, or "mothers" others - is a Mother!
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