Let Your Own JEALOUSY Work For YOU

Feeling jealous is a human nature.But if it gets our of control, it may cause trouble to others and much torment for the envious.
Feeling jealous is a human nature.But if it gets our of control, it may cause trouble to others and much torment for the envious.

I was strolling around town with a friend the other day, when I got to see by chance an old friend in college. After a little talk, my old friend had to leave to meet her relatives. The other friend that I was with was not comfortable and had a “not- so- good” mood after that. I began to wonder and asked her why, and I found out that my old friend is an ex- girlfriend of her boyfriend. I began to laugh and then I realized that I was annoying her, so I stopped and listened to what she had to say.

My friend has been harboring her own “green- eyed monster” since the very beginning of her relationship with her boyfriend. She admitted that she feels jealous over her boyfriend’s past for reasons that she could not understand. She would not even want her boyfriend to be friendly with any of his past flames or get close with female friends.

Jealousy is a normal feeling we get as human beings. There are many reasons why we get jealous, may it be in a relationship, in one’s own self fulfillment, or even between friends and even in a family.

Here are few of the reasons for feeling jealous:

FEELINGS OF INADEQUACY

This happens when one feels bitter and unhappy because of another’s advantages, possessions or luck. This is common especially in places where the crab mentality is rampant, or even if one feels that he is not doing so well with his own life.

SUSPICION OF RIVALS

This is due to feeling suspicious about a rival’s influence, especially in regard to a loved one. This is common in relationships where there is a doubt if you are the “ONLY ONE” or not. Between my friends and acquaintances, I have noticed too, that this is common in relationships where the other has a reputation for having the “roving eyes”.

HIGH DEMAND FOR LOYALTY

A high demand for exclusive loyalty or adherence may also be a cause for jealousy. This is most common to people who have experienced being deceived in a relationship or who has been exposed to such deception like knowing that one of his parents cheated on the other.

Understand JEALOUSY…

“The jealous are troublesome to others, but a torment to themselves.” (William Penn, “Some Fruits of Solitude”, 1693)

We’ve all heard before, that it is NORMAL to be jealous, but until when does it become normal? Understand that jealousy is not really an ugly emotion but always keep in mind that once it controls you and your emotions get out of hand, it becomes your disadvantage. You can cause trouble to others while you let your own self down.

Here are ways to deal with your own jealousy and start letting it work to your advantage:

IDENTIFY YOUR OWN INSECURITIES

Find ways to understand why you feel jealous each time you feel that your green- eyed monster starts conquering you. Try to realize your own insecurities. Are you feeling incompetent or less caring in a relationship? Do you feel physically ugly? Have you done things in the past that makes you think that you may be less loved by your significant other?

Start to focus on the good that you have. Keep in mind that everyone is not perfect, yet every person is gifted with positive things that make them special and unique from any one. Stop obsessing on your own imperfections, but nurture your assets. In doing this, your own jealousy helps you improve yourself instead of the usual thing that it does to you, which is putting you down by making you feel like you are a lesser person.

START COMPETING WITH YOUR SELF

Do not try to compete with others because whenever you do, you are just putting another stressor into your life making you less effective. This will also mean that you may have a lesser chance to improve your own life and you will be envious even more as you watch your perceived competitor to do better than you.

Whenever you feel envious due to your own inadequacy, start to improve your own skills and talents. Do things that will enhance your assets and start getting busy to do better than what you have done in the past.

PRACTICE GOOD COMMUNICATION

Most people get so mad whenever they feel jealous and most of the time they end up arguing with their partner. Whenever you feel so bad because of jealousy, count to ten before you let uncalled for words to come out from your mouth. Try to keep your cool and use your head before talking. Never blame your partner for feeling that way and use “I” statements when you communicate. Examples may include statements such as, “I feel bad (or jealous) because I believe that….” Or “I feel hurt because I feel jealous of…” Never use statements that put the blame to your mate right away. Most of the time, one would say statements like, “You make me feel bad because you flirt with…” or “You are so insensitive going out with…” These statements will make your partner feel like you are blaming him for what you feel. Your mate would feel that you are attacking him and of course, he would defend himself. This will spark a start of the blame game.

Keep in mind that communication should be a way to express both your feelings. Learn to give each other a chance to share how you both feel. And remember to listen with your heart and mind as you both express your thoughts, feelings and ideas. Remember not to cry in front of your partner while you are arguing, this will make him feel even worst. At this point, you don’t let your own jealousy ruin your relationship but you use it to stimulate a better communication.

STRENGTHEN YOUR RELATIONSHIP

Most people would say that they lose their “spark” in a relationship because they’ve been together for many years and they look for ways to reignite that spark. One of the many opportunities to do this is whenever you feel jealous. Instead of getting mad, reflect on how significant your mate is to you that you still have the fear of losing him. Express how you feel for him once again, how much you love him and that you can never imagine a life without him. This will make your partner realize that you are the same woman he fell in love with many years ago, and he will remember to be what he was the first time you met.

Whenever you feel jealous, don’t start arguing and acting like an insecure little girl. Instead, start cuddling your mate while you share the proper way to communicate your jealousy. In doing this, you spend quality time with your partner and at the same time you let him know that you are jealous because you love him that much. These things will strengthen your relationship.

"Jealousy in romance is like salt in food. A little can enhance the savor, but too much can spoil the pleasure and, under certain circumstances, can be life-threatening." (Maya Angelou)

Jealousy can MAKE or BREAK YOU...

Things to keep in mind whenever you feel jealous:

  • You don’t have to feel envious when some people have their blessings because you too have your own. You just don’t know how to appreciate your own because you are too busy being envious of others.
  • If you feel jealous, do not hate the person that you perceive to be better than you. You are the one responsible for feeling bad and envious.
  • You are unique, there may be also things that you have that others would really wish to own.
  • You are just hurting yourself for entertaining bad feelings. Whenever you feel envious, let it work positively for you.
  • You are responsible to find ways to understand why you are feeling jealous.
  • Never let your own jealousy be a reason to start a fight. You are responsible to control your own emotions.
  • Choose the right time and place to communicate your jealousy. Don’t be the talk of the town by making a scene just because you feel envious.
  • If you are in a relationship and you feel insecure about your lover’s past flames, keep in mind that EVERYONE HAVE THEIR OWN PAST. Instead of feeling jealous and feeling bad, realize that you should be thankful for what was once for you may not have come to know your mate as what he is at the moment if it were not for what happened in the past. Remember not to dwell in the past for you might get buried there. Enjoy the here and now.
  • If you are in a relationship and you have a valid first hand proof and a really plausible reason to be envious and it is really making you lose your self worth and dignity, it is about time to let go and find your own way of bringing your best out again. Stop holding on to relationships that make you feel less of a human.

Understand that it's NOBODY'S FAULT when you are envious of anyone.... the reason is within you. You just have to UNDERSTAND YOUR SELF.

Jealousy is normal and NO ONE is free of such feelings. But, it’s not all the time that one knows how to let it work for him. Don’t let this kind of emotion put you down again, make it a way to help you become a better person. Always learn to know the tricks on how to let your feelings of envy work positively for you.

“I've spent most of my life walking under that hovering cloud, jealousy, whose acid raindrops blurred my vision and burned holes in my heart.” (Astrid Alauda)

Stop entertaining jealousy that much, start loving your self, believe that you are loveable because you are. Stay happy!


Copyright by DjBryle Works, 2010 (ALL RIGHTS RESERVED AND AUTHORIZED BY LAW)

Photo credits: Graur Codrin/ Freedigitalphotos.net; Now and Zen Photography/ Freedigitalphotos.net

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Comments 31 comments

hubpageswriter 6 years ago

Great hub. Jealousy is indeed a beastly animal that should be controlled. Hub up.:)


Money Glitch profile image

Money Glitch 6 years ago from Texas

Very good tips for when the 'green-eyed monster' tries to creep in and still your joy. It is important to recognize when you are feeling jealous and let it work positive for you rather than negative. Rating up! :)


DjBryle profile image

DjBryle 6 years ago from Somewhere in the LINES of your MIND, and HOPEFULLY at the RIPPLES of your HEART. =) Author

@Hubpageswriter: Thanks for the kind words, for dropping by and for rating it up too... I keep coming back to your page too and I just can't get enough of your eloquent hubs! =)

@Money Glitch: Hey, thanks so much for your comment my friend... I feel honored to have such from you! Most of all, thanks for rating it up and for spending time to read my hub! =)


Peggy W profile image

Peggy W 6 years ago from Houston, Texas

Useful hub and rating it so! The title intrigued me. Nicely done!


DjBryle profile image

DjBryle 6 years ago from Somewhere in the LINES of your MIND, and HOPEFULLY at the RIPPLES of your HEART. =) Author

Thanks Peggy... you never fail to encourage me! You're such a blessing! =)


prasetio30 profile image

prasetio30 6 years ago from malang-indonesia

Very inspiring hub. Actually I've wrote about this topic in one of my hub. I thought we still need jealous feeling. It good to make warm the relationship between each couples. Great thought from you and I learn from this hub. Good work, my friend. Vote up.

Prasetio


DjBryle profile image

DjBryle 6 years ago from Somewhere in the LINES of your MIND, and HOPEFULLY at the RIPPLES of your HEART. =) Author

@Parsetio: Thanks for dropping by my friend! Surely, jealousy is a healthy feeling, it can make you a better person and strengthen your relationships or even your self worth. But if left uncontrolled, it can torment you, and cause trouble to others. Thanks so much for the kind words, I am honored to have such comment from one of my most favorite hubbers! See you around! =)


DjBryle profile image

DjBryle 6 years ago from Somewhere in the LINES of your MIND, and HOPEFULLY at the RIPPLES of your HEART. =) Author

Btw, Prasetio, I am looking for your hub about jealousy and I would like to include a link here... if you don't mind! hehehe! Thanks! =)


foreverlara profile image

foreverlara 6 years ago from southern california

you are an amazing woman & i truly enjoyed reading this hub. there really are ways to battle jealousy!! thank you (: hehe


DjBryle profile image

DjBryle 6 years ago from Somewhere in the LINES of your MIND, and HOPEFULLY at the RIPPLES of your HEART. =) Author

@Foreverlara: Hey, I am amazed to know that you find me amazing... I am blushing with flattery... lol! Thanks for making my day. See you around my friend! =)


Mentalist acer profile image

Mentalist acer 6 years ago from A Voice in your Mind!

Reasoning with your jealousy in a positive way is a novel idea,DjBryle;)


DjBryle profile image

DjBryle 6 years ago from Somewhere in the LINES of your MIND, and HOPEFULLY at the RIPPLES of your HEART. =) Author

Thanks for the positive feedback MA! See you around! =)


SweetiePie profile image

SweetiePie 6 years ago from Southern California, USA

Yes all of us can each be jealous, but I really do not see the point really. Even though I can be sociable and friendly, I suppose it is my introversion that makes me want different things than some others may want.


DjBryle profile image

DjBryle 6 years ago from Somewhere in the LINES of your MIND, and HOPEFULLY at the RIPPLES of your HEART. =) Author

@SweetiePie: That's true, there really is no point with getting jealous... it is just an indication of discontentment. Thanks for dropping by! =)


Lovingu profile image

Lovingu 6 years ago from London

Jealousy can make a person become very ill. Usually a person who is very insecure becomes jealous. Great hub.


DjBryle profile image

DjBryle 6 years ago from Somewhere in the LINES of your MIND, and HOPEFULLY at the RIPPLES of your HEART. =) Author

@Lovingu: That's true, feelings of jealousy can be very stressful and it may even lead to depression. These states of mind can cause physical illnesses such as heart diseases, gastric ulcers, etc. Thanks for dropping by and for liking this hub! See you around! =)


Denise Handlon profile image

Denise Handlon 6 years ago from North Carolina

Great sound advice.


DjBryle profile image

DjBryle 6 years ago from Somewhere in the LINES of your MIND, and HOPEFULLY at the RIPPLES of your HEART. =) Author

Thanks for the kind words Denise! God bless! =)


acaetnna profile image

acaetnna 6 years ago from Guildford

I think that jealousy is such a poison. Two of my very dear friends have recently suffered breakdowns of marriage but interestingly it was the mistresses who suffered from intense jealousy. I think jealous comes from insecurity. These mistresses were completely unsure about the love of their partner.It destroyed their relationships too.


DjBryle profile image

DjBryle 6 years ago from Somewhere in the LINES of your MIND, and HOPEFULLY at the RIPPLES of your HEART. =) Author

Hey, that's an interesting story Acaetnna! lol! I guess the adage that goes,"What goes around comes around..." has taken its toll to those home wreckers! lol! I can still remember a good friend saying, "If a man can fool his wife, who he had vowed to love and cherish for the rest of his life... he can fool others BIG TIME, a million times more..." Thanks for dropping by! =)


Micky Dee profile image

Micky Dee 6 years ago

Great hub. I don't foster jealousy. I try to disregard this as another rock on my load. A brief thought may enter and I can let it sail right through as there other fish to fry. When a mate is involved with an "involvement" there has to be some "dwelling". God bless - great hub! Thank you Dear!


DjBryle profile image

DjBryle 6 years ago from Somewhere in the LINES of your MIND, and HOPEFULLY at the RIPPLES of your HEART. =) Author

Thanks so much Mic for you kind words. Jealousy is just an emotional state that has no other victim but the one who harbors it. God bless you more! =)


The Suburban Poet profile image

The Suburban Poet 6 years ago from Austin, Texas

Great hub... I had problems with jealousy when I was in my twenties... I haven't completely tamed it but it's under control. I finally decided that people aren't better or worse or superior or inferior... it's just whose right for each other and sometimes you just aren't the right person.... but it can be difficult to think about someone you are in love with being with a former lover... you wonder if they were "reached." I guess we shouldn't put our ego's into the mix and understand that everyone has their needs and desires; just like we do....


DjBryle profile image

DjBryle 6 years ago from Somewhere in the LINES of your MIND, and HOPEFULLY at the RIPPLES of your HEART. =) Author

Thanks for adding substance to this hub Suburban Poet. One can never really avoid the feelings of jealousy all the time, but it is vital to know how to deal with it to make it work positively in our own life. Happy hubbing! =)


Maria Cecilia profile image

Maria Cecilia 6 years ago from Philippines

I really don't like myself when I get jealous, but I think I am the jealous type... but I think it depends, if you are so contented with the love or your someone, I dont think there is still a room for jealousy? Jen do you still get Jealous? the way you inspire us all in your writing reflects so much of your good relationship with your ex boyfriend now your husband...


DjBryle profile image

DjBryle 6 years ago from Somewhere in the LINES of your MIND, and HOPEFULLY at the RIPPLES of your HEART. =) Author

lol! Of course miss Macel, I do get jealous too.... but I don't let it get me or else I will just give the privilege for my object of jealousy to rejoice. lol! Seriously, I do get jealous but not so much with other people (although as you've said, it depends on the situation)I am somewhat introvert that I don't really pay so much attention to others, I am just happy and contented with what I have.... Honestly,I sometimes get jealous with the books of my husband. hahaha! He reads and reads so much sometimes that I could not even talk to him. I get jealous with the birds at times for being able to fly and go anywhere they wish... I just let my own jealousy be a source of joy to me by being playful with it. If I get jealous with the books of my hubby, I grab them from him and pretend that I misplaced them and they are nowhere to be found. lol! At times, I just want to pretend that I am jealous just to catch his attention... hehehe! Happy hubbing! =)


Ben Zoltak profile image

Ben Zoltak 5 years ago from Lake Mills, Jefferson County, Wisconsin USA

Thanks.


DjBryle profile image

DjBryle 5 years ago from Somewhere in the LINES of your MIND, and HOPEFULLY at the RIPPLES of your HEART. =) Author

You're welcome! Thanks for dropping by too! =)


Ben Zoltak profile image

Ben Zoltak 5 years ago from Lake Mills, Jefferson County, Wisconsin USA

You have a lot to offer here, I was a little embarrassed to write more earlier. I like how you remind those of us with this problem, to see the positive and to take responsibility for our own emotions.

Well done DjBryle


Crystal 5 years ago

I used to have the attitude that as long as he came home to me; nobody else mattered. That way I didn't get jealous & start a dangerous spiral. Then one day I made a comment (don't even remember what), but I do remember being surprised when he said he kinda liked that I had shown a bit of jealousy. He said it showed I cared. I was surprised because I didn't think the comment had hinted jealousy. Anywho, now I try to give him a tiny bit of jealousy when appropriate. Seems to keep him happy.


jennshealthstore profile image

jennshealthstore 4 years ago from Florida

I really did enjoy this hub. Jealousy can be a horrible thing if you let it control you. But I do strongly believe in changing the way you think to overcome things! When we are feeling jealous we should definitely give ourselves a pep talk.

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