Letting It Go
It has been a difficult week. Your new business is demanding almost all of your attention, your husband is working night shifts, the kids homework is a chore that never seems to get done, and your youngest is two years old, which is very often a nightmare in itself.
The stress doesn't seem to be spilling over into the marriage and life continues as normal until one day a mistake is made.
At first the mistake seems insignificant. An oversight that is easy to resolve. You think nothing much of the mistake until your husband walks in the room. Within seconds, the mistake becomes an annoyance to him, which ingites a spark of indignation in you, which in turn becomes a seed of anger that grows out of control and spills out of your mouth. On the defense, your husband matches anger with anger and words are exchanged that should never have been said.
Feeling condescended to and inadequate, you stomp around the house after him listing the reasons why he should never be annoyed with you but why YOU have the right to be annoyed with HIM for all the idiotic things he does.
This makes him feel like a caged animal and he shouts things at you that he doesn't mean, that you know he doesn't mean, but that deeply wound you anyway. So you retaliate with the intention of badly hurting him.
All because of a simple mistake.
Unable to swallow your pride long enough to resolve the fight, he leaves for work in a black mood and you let him. You need distance and space from suffocating anger and you vow not to leave him an apology note for when he gets home because in your head, he doesn't deserve one.
Hours pass and the anger has subsided. You start to question the fight. What was it all about? What is the point? You feel stupid and sorry and feel anxious to see your husband.
Letting it Go
As it turns out, you're asleep by the time he arrives. The next morning you tiptoe around each other but talk in wary tones. Finally you take a deep breath and smile at him. His eyes widen in surprise, but then he smiles too and you hug eachother in submission and feelings of mutual idiocy.
Sometimes Saying Sorry Isn't Necessary
The moral of this story, and a true story at that, is that sometimes we need to be willing to let things go from time to time.
I had always been one of those people who couldn't relax or go on unless problems were resolved directly after a fight. I had learned to never go to bed angry and I believed there were good reasons for that.
But marrying my husband taught me a few things. I had always been amazed and frustrated at his ability to let things go. He wouldn't dwell on a fight and very maddeningly, would act as if they had never happened. Where I felt that issues always needed to be dealt with, he didn't, and we often met on the battlefield for that reason.
But now I realize that idiocy does not necessarily need to be addressed. If both partners can accept that sometimes fights occur simply because of stress and need not be given a second thought, life can become much easier. Instead of rehashing all the anger of the fight and making it come alive in your head so that you can once again lose your precious time fighting over ridiculous issues, LET IT GO! Let it go like it never happened and see how it feels. It is so freeing and so right.
Of course, some issues cannot be ignored, such as abuse, or continuous anger. But when it comes to little tiffs that arise out of annoyance due to the stress of life, try to let it go. Make a joke out of it and recognize it for what it really is; nothing!
For men, letting go is usually much easier than for women, but I reach out to the women who need this little piece of advice. Take it to heart and live and breathe easier.
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