Before You End The Marriage

Think twice, three times . . . if you are unhappily married and considering divorce.
Think twice, three times . . . if you are unhappily married and considering divorce. | Source

Think twice, three times, one hundred times if you are unhappily married and considering divorce. Can you really make a wise decision before you talk with an honest divorcee, or sit with a divorce support group, and hear from those who can view divorce from hindsight? They can present alternatives that haven't crossed your mind, and you’d be surprised at the many salvageable opportunities for your marriage.

Perhaps you're tired of the cheating, abuse, drug or gambling addiction, or whatever is the disruptive behavior in the marriage. Or perhaps, your spouse is simply not contributing to the happy life you promised each other. Here are some questions to consider before you end the marriage:

  • Are you certain that divorce is the only way for you to be happier?
  • Are you considering divorce as a way to hurting your partner for the wrongs that he or she has done?
  • If so, do you think that hurting your partner will ease your hurt?
  • Can you justify your actions to the children and to your viewing public, especially those who look up to you?
  • Have you considered that the crisis in your marriage can be an opportunity for you to demonstrate genuine love and the importance of family?
  • Have you tried everything including counseling with a professional or a trusted friend?

Here are three common marriage meddlers which cause couples to drift apart. If not checked, they can become reasons for separation. However, with the right attitude, the spirit of forgiveness, and surrender to divine intervention, they can become tools for marriage menders.


Per the translator, they just finished arguing.
Per the translator, they just finished arguing. | Source

Incompatible Differences

These are usually difficult to identify because they are not tangible.

  • Difference of opinion?
  • Difference in value system?
  • Difference in moods and desires?

All you're sure of, is that something changed. Truth is, you have gotten to know your spouse better, and some of the details are surprising. The surprises are mutual, and usually the one who reacts more is the one who is more naïve.

At first, you spoke glibly about what you had in common. Now that you live together, you see more ways in which you are different, and you are magnifying the differences over the similarities which are still there. You can learn from the divorcees; they will tell you that concentrating on enjoying life together could minimize those irritants or render them non-essential.

Besides, who wants an exact copy of himself/herself for a mate? There would be very few reasons, if any, for laughter. Truth be told, incompatibility gets more blame than it deserves. Companionship can acquire a perfect blend, never a perfect match.


What are you looking at?
What are you looking at? | Source

Double Vision

Double vision magnifies the differences. When you desire intimacy, and you think of a face other than your spouse’s, your vision becomes distorted.

  • Why does the spouse who previously seemed aggressive now seem nagging?
  • Aren't the traits you once called "financially responsible" the same traits you now call "miserly?"
  • When did the "attentive" behavior change to "clingy?"

These changes in vision are caused by your internal conflicts created by a wandering eye. You begin to compare the two visions in your head.

Looking for a reason to distance yourself, so you can have room to entertain the affections of someone else? Get a grip. It is not unusual for a married person to see attractiveness in someone other than his or her spouse. Be mature enough to remember your commitment to your marriage. Look again at your spouse and remind yourself of everything that attracted you in the first place. Also remind your spouse that those features are important to you.


Third Party Interference

Many marriages get into trouble because outsiders are allowed to butt in. The over protective mother, the suspicious mother- in-law, the dependent siblings, the high school buddy who wants to maintain the long-standing friendship relationship should all be put in their proper places--outside the marriage circle. The marriage union is comprised of you two--plus God--against the rest of the world, no matter how well-meaning the intruder might be.

If the couple agrees that advice is necessary, find a professional or close friend who enjoys the trust of both partners.Never share your problems except to get help. Set boundaries around your privacy and respect them. Often it is the betrayal of trust more than the disclosure of private information that causes the problem. Still, if this happens, don't hurry to leave the marriage. Your problems are not unique, so don't bother to feel embarrassed. Every marriage has some type of problem. Forgive, reconcile and make a greater effort to strengthen bond between you from from external interference.

When people know whatever they know about you, and they see you still pulling together, they will realize that you are determined to stay together. The world needs to see such determination.


"Love never gives up."
"Love never gives up." | Source

A Final Word

There is no guarantee that every dysfunctional marriage can be restored to the heaven-on earth condition, but it is a responsible and mature decision to try.

Try love as it is described in the Christian Bible. “Love never gives up. Love cares more for others than for self. Love doesn't want what it doesn't have. Love doesn't strut, doesn't have a swelled head, doesn't force itself on others, isn't always ‘me first,’ doesn't fly off the handle, doesn't keep score of the sins of others, doesn't revel when others grovel, trusts God always, always looks for the best, never looks back, but keeps going to the end. Love never dies.” (The Message, 1 Corinthians 3-8). It takes a strong human being with a supernatural spirit to love like this. This is not a dare. Just saying, be careful and prayerful.

Still married? Then, with divine help and a sense of commitment, you still have the potential to be happily married!

© 2011 Dora Isaac Weithers

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Comments 23 comments

l.moore 5 years ago

great article, wish i had read it before i was divorced. really good advice.


MsDora 5 years ago

Thanks l.moore. Will always remember you for giving me a good start.


Jean D. 5 years ago

So glad you are sharing your talents once again. I've missed your messages.


pennyancel 5 years ago

Since our 60th wedding anniversary is coming up in July, I would just say "know when to just be quiet and when you respond to anger, just talk quietly." This isn't always easy, but it ususally works.


Wilson 5 years ago

This article has a really good advice for married couples. I hope many couples would read this, it would save marriages. Will share the article with others. Keep up the good job Dora!


Roswitha LaGarde 5 years ago

Loved you article! This can help so many people! Two thumbs up.


Rodney Dunneback 5 years ago

You said it all very well, to many let there emotions rule there decision making. All would do well to read the sage advice in the book of Proverbs.


justme 5 years ago

Very timely. I will definitely introduce my friends to your articles. In addition I will pray that you will have the strength and courage to keep writing many more.


M. Skinner Britt 5 years ago

Very perceptive; I will forward this article to my daughter who recently married, smile.


Margie Richardson 5 years ago

Very nice article! My husband and I have been married 29 years this coming August, and we went into it with the thought, "Divorce is NOT and option!" ~meaning that with God as The Glue, we would work out any marital problem we'd face. Communication with each other and with God is the key to a successful marriage.


myshaw 5 years ago

This is a great article. Please continue writing.


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MsDora 5 years ago from The Caribbean Author

Thanks for all your encouragement. I appreciate you. Will you please add one more favor and click FOLLOW MSDORA at the right of the article. That would be very helpful. Thanks!


G'lady 5 years ago

Thank you God! She is writing again. I love your level-headed writing. Thank you for being with me through my divorce. Your presence and spirit of love led me straight to the arms of God. I look forward to hearing more from you. See you next week!


Emily C. 5 years ago

Great job, Dora! I'm happy you are now doing what you've always wanted to do. Keep it up!


MsDora profile image

MsDora 5 years ago from The Caribbean Author

Thanks Emily C, G'lady and everyone else for a great start. As I approach my first 100 followers, I'm looking back at those who commented on my very first hub. I appreciate you more than you know. For real!


Cherry4 profile image

Cherry4 4 years ago from New York

wow very informative and great points for anyone thinking of a divorce. You laid it down simple and with truth.


MsDora profile image

MsDora 4 years ago from The Caribbean Author

Thanks, Cherry. This was my very first hub and I still stand by the words I wrote here.


mathira profile image

mathira 3 years ago from chennai

Sensible and practical advices,MsDora.


MsDora profile image

MsDora 3 years ago from The Caribbean Author

Thank you, Mathi. Glad you stopped by.


lovedoctor926 3 years ago

very good advice. I agree with your points. In my opinion, it's hard to trust someone who has been unfaithful. I'm sure that you can work at it again if you seek marriage counseling, but it would probably take time.


MsDora profile image

MsDora 3 years ago from The Caribbean Author

LoveDoctor, I agree with you that infidelity is difficult to handle. Forgiveness calls for supernatural effort, and both partners need forgiveness.


Indian Chef profile image

Indian Chef 3 years ago from New Delhi India

Every marriage go through lean phases and that is time when it demands extra care and love . It is so easy to break a relationship but keeping it is hard work. What is guarantee that next one you find would be better than last one. You may end up even worse. Also kids you brought in world is your responsibility, and they deserve house with both parents. Very useful blog. Voting it up, sharing on hubpages and awesome.


MsDora profile image

MsDora 3 years ago from The Caribbean Author

Thank you, Indian Chef. Your points are all good, but especially the one about the children. Blessings!

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