Life's changing Seasons
Sometimes I feel I'm the only one that seems to have so many seasons in my life. I started on my own when I was 18, I didn't just move out of my parent's house; I moved over a thousand miles away to the city of Dallas. Although I haven't had much drama in my life (except when I was hit by a car and had to move to the Pittsburgh area) it's not been a bad life. Now, as I finish school in my forties I am looking for a career totally outside of my experience. I think the hardest part of moving into such a change, is not my age but the people that surround me. I recently left a relationship in Pittsburgh to come home in pursuit of a dream to work with foster children in a Christ-centered setting. The boyfriend of 5 years in Pittsburgh was supportive of doing something I enjoyed. However, he did not share my same passions. After a painful realization that he wasn't interested in marrying me or contributing to my dream; I moved home. Now I live with my sister who seems void of any passion for life at all. Both of these relationships have been my biggest influence, so where did this child-like dream for my life come from? My best friend is now Katy, a basset hound pup of 2 years, who totally share's my love for children. We are now working on her to become a therapy reading dog; where she can go into the class and the children will take turns reading to her. How cool is that!!!
In addition to my surroundings, I can't help but wonder about a fear of "failure" that exists in my mind. As well, I love the task of writing grants and want to do this freelance. However, getting started seems to be stifling for one reason or another. Considering where I was in 2004 I can see the success in my life but sometimes I find it difficult to acknowledge. As well, the success of where I am today was birthed from a plan and a thought that I cannot continue to live in a way of my circumstance. Question is "how do I get myself to take the next step?"
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